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• I’m afraid of losing someone

Few things in life are scarier than the thought of losing a loved one. On some level, most of us realize that everything comes to an end. We usually do our best not to think about it.

But some things can bring it to the front of our minds—for example, when someone we love gets sick. Or during a major crisis like a natural disaster… or a global pandemic . Sometimes it’s on our minds simply because we’ve lost someone before. When we feel depressed or anxious, our minds can become fixated on negative thoughts like this.

Fear and anxiety often come from uncertainty. There are some things we can never know for sure: What will happen to my loved ones, and when? What will happen to me if I lose them? We can’t see the future. But there are things we can do to manage our fear and anxiety about it.

Understand that you’re not alone

It’s totally normal to fear losing someone. The fear of loss is something everyone has experienced at one time or another.

And if worse comes to worst and you do lose someone, you can make it through this. Humans are incredibly resilient. We bounce back! People have been suffering from grief and loss—and overcoming it—for as long as we’ve existed.

Finding someone you can talk to about your fears can make a huge difference. If you don’t have a trusted friend or family member, try finding an online support group or talking to a therapist .

Focus on what you can control

One way to cope with fear is to think about whether there’s anything you can reasonably do to control the situation. If there is, do it. If there isn’t, try to let it go. Once you’ve done all you can, worrying about it more won’t do any good—it will only wear you out.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a good example. If you’re worried about a loved one getting sick, what can you reasonably do? You can wear a mask to avoid spreading the virus. You can avoid traveling except when necessary. You can get vaccinated, and encourage your loved ones to do the same.

What you can’t do is control other people’s behavior. You can’t force other people to wear a mask or get vaccinated—but you can avoid spending time around people who aren’t being careful.

There are certain things that give us the illusion of control. Washing your hands after you touch things in public is a good way to prevent the spread of illness—but washing your hands 10 times more often won’t make you 10 times safer. Worrying and obsessing over the situation also won’t help.

You can try a journaling activity to determine what you can and can’t control: Write down what you’re afraid might happen. Then, make a list of all the things you can and can’t control about the situation. Letting go of what you can’t control is easier said than done, but you can learn to do it by practicing.

Making meaning out of fear and loss

Our emotions help us make sense of the world around us. Even painful emotions like fear and grief have an important purpose.

Fear can motivate us to do what we can to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Thinking about future losses can help us to appreciate what we still have.

Many people are able to find comfort in their belief systems. Some people believe that our loved ones live on after death, and we will see them again. Others believe that a piece of them lives on within us. For some people, this life is the only one we get, and that’s what makes it beautiful and valuable. If you’re not sure what you believe, that’s ok too—learning to live with uncertainty can be good for your mental health!

We wish we could guarantee you that you won’t lose your loved one. It’s heartbreaking to say, but losing people is a part of life. But you’re surrounded by people who understand that fear and have overcome it. And that can be a source of hope.

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Thantophobia: the Fear of Losing Someone you Love

The dread of losing someone cherished can be a tormenting and overpowering encounter. Whether it’s the loss of a dear friend, relative, or romantic partner, the thought of losing someone significant in our lives can inundate us with dread and unease. This fear, known as Thantophobia, can hinder our ability to fully relish and treasure our connections, resulting in feelings of insecurity and skepticism. In this article, we will delve into the root causes of Thantophobia, its impact on our day-to-day existence, and investigate ways to control and conquer this fear.

Regardless of whether you have experienced loss in the past or are currently grappling with the fear of the unknown, Thantophobia can be a daunting and emotionally draining experience. Yet it’s crucial to acknowledge that you are not alone. Many individuals struggle with this fear, and there are numerous resources available to aid you in finding comfort and healing. In this blog, we will traverse a variety of subjects relating to Thantophobia, from coping mechanisms and self-care techniques to the advantages of therapy and counseling. We will also scrutinize the link between Thantophobia and other correlated mental health issues, such as anxiety and attachment insecurity. With the proper tools and support, it is feasible to overcome the fear of losing someone you love and discover peace, security, and joy in your relationships.

Explanation of Thantophobia (Fear of Losing Someone)

The dread of losing someone cherished is a prevalent but frequently disregarded fear that affects many individuals. It can manifest as an intense and persistent fear of losing a loved one due to death, ailment, or other reasons. This fear can be incapacitating, impacting daily life, relationships, and overall well-being. For some people, Thantophobia can also lead to anxiety, which can intensify the fear and form a vicious cycle of concern and distress. Comprehending the fear and its relationship to anxiety is a critical step in overcoming this fear and finding peace and security in relationships.

Significance of Examining the Relationship between Thantophobia and Anxiety

Examining the relationship between Thantophobia and anxiety is crucial for several reasons. Firstly, it helps to shed light on the underlying causes of the fear and anxiety, which can be beneficial in developing effective coping strategies and treatments. Secondly, it can provide insight into how the two conditions can feed into each other and create a vicious cycle of distress. Lastly, it can raise awareness of the prevalence of Thantophobia and encourage more individuals to seek help and support.

The relationship between Thantophobia and anxiety

Anxiety can be a catalyst in exacerbating Thantophobia, forging a vicious cycle of fear, worry, and distress. When an individual endures anxiety, their thoughts and behaviors can become increasingly centered on the fear of losing someone they hold dear. This fixation can escalate feelings of worry and fear, sparking or intensifying Thantophobia.

Anxiety can also result in avoidance behaviors that can further amplify Thantophobia. When a person experiences anxiety , they may steer clear of circumstances or places that trigger the fear of losing someone they love. This avoidance can escalate feelings of anxiety and fear, as it reinforces the belief that the fear is real and it is not safe to confront it. Breaking this vicious cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and fear can be challenging and can significantly impact an individual’s day-to-day life and well-being.

Impact on Mental Health and Well-being

The fear of losing someone you love can have a profound impact on mental health and well-being . Thantophobia can trigger feelings of anxiety, depression , and stress , interfering with an individual’s daily life and ability to function.

Anxiety is a common symptom of Thantophobia, as the fear of losing someone can cause a person to experience persistent worry and fear. This can result in physical symptoms such as an increased heart rate , sweating , and shaking , as well as mental symptoms such as racing thoughts , difficulty concentrating , and irritability .

Depression is another common effect of Thantophobia, as the fear of losing someone can cause an individual to experience feelings of sadness , hopelessness , and apathy. These feelings can hinder an individual’s ability to participate in activities they once enjoyed and can lead to a decreased sense of self-worth and purpose.

Stress is another common effect of Thantophobia, as the fear of losing someone can trigger the body’s stress response. Chronic stress can cause physical and mental health problems, such as headaches, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances, as well as an increased risk of developing mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression.

Furthermore, the fear of losing someone you love can negatively impact an individual’s self-esteem and overall sense of well-being. This fear can cause an individual to focus on their perceived shortcomings and feel inadequate, reducing their self-esteem and sense of worth.

Overcoming the Intertwining of Thantophobia and Anxiety

Developing a support network.

Establishing a robust support network is one of the most critical steps in overcoming Thantophobia and anxiety. This can involve seeking the aid of family, friends, support groups, or a mental health professional. Engaging in open and honest conversations about the fear and anxiety with trusted individuals can help reduce stress, provide comfort, and foster a sense of security.

Embracing Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Embracing mindfulness and relaxation techniques can also prove beneficial in managing Thantophobia and anxiety. Techniques such as meditation , deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce stress, enhance emotional well-being, and decrease anxiety symptoms.

Disputing Negative Thoughts

Disputing negative thoughts can be an effective method of reducing the impact of Thantophobia and anxiety. When an individual experiences the fear of losing someone you love, they may have recurring negative thoughts and worries about losing someone they hold dear. By challenging these thoughts and replacing them with positive , rational beliefs, an individual can diminish the impact of Thantophobia and anxiety.

Engaging in Physical Activity

Physical activity can also play a crucial role in managing Thantophobia and anxiety. Regular exercise can help reduce stress , elevate mood, and increase feelings of control and mastery. By engaging in physical activity, an individual can enhance their mental and emotional well-being and minimize the impact of Thantophobia and anxiety.

Seeking Professional Help

Finally, seeking professional help from a mental health professional can be a decisive step in addressing Thantophobia and anxiety. A mental health professional can offer personalized support, guidance, and treatment to help an individual manage their fear and anxiety and improve their quality of life. One of the most effective ways to address this fear is through therapy. A licensed psychotherapist , such as a clinical psychologist or social worker, can help individuals understand and tackle their fears through talk therapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or exposure therapy. For individuals who prefer a more medical approach, a psychiatrist, a medical doctor specializing in mental health, can provide medication-based treatments such as antidepressants , as well as offer therapy and counseling services.

Joining a support group with others experiencing similar fears can provide a sense of community and help individuals feel less isolated in their struggles. Additionally, mindfulness practices , such as meditation , yoga, and deep breathing, can help individuals manage stress and anxiety, and improve their overall well-being.

It is crucial to note that the type of professional help an individual may need depends on their individual circumstances, so it’s advisable to discuss options with a mental health professional to determine the best course of action.

In conclusion, the fear of losing someone you love can have significant and far-reaching effects on mental health and well-being. It is essential for those experiencing Thantophobia to seek support and treatment to manage their fear and anxiety and improve their quality of life.

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Losing the Ones I Love Most Is My Greatest Fear

In: Journal

• 4  Minute Read

There is always a risk in love. Loving someone is such a vulnerable thing because as you give your heart to that person, you don’t know what will happen to it.

I’ve found when I think about the people I love most in life, I sometimes fall into the fear trap. I fear rejection, I fear abandonment, but my biggest fear of all is that I will somehow lose them.

I have always been a bit morbid. I remember crying in bed at night as a little kid and even into my teenage years thinking about my loved ones dying. Although I may have been a bit dramatic, I think this is a reality that we all think about at some point. Losing people is a part of life. A really scary and sad part of life.

These thoughts have become even more hard to bear as I’ve gotten older and started a family of my own.

As I look at my amazing husband and beautiful baby, I can feel that fearful, awful thought creep into my mind. What if I lost them?

What if they get sick? What if they get hurt? What if they die?

It’s too much to think about so I shut my eyes and shake my head in hopes I can physically remove the thoughts.

I can’t, though.

I try to tell myself God will protect them. But I can’t act like I don’t see and hear those stories. The child with terminal cancer; the car accident; the unthinkable. They happen. And the reality is that God doesn’t love my husband or baby more than any of the husbands and babies terrible things happen to.

God’s protection and love do not guarantee any duration of life on this earth. It doesn’t guarantee we never get sick. It certainly doesn’t guarantee our loved ones will never suffer. God’s love just guarantees we will never go through these things alone, and that someday after this life, we will get to be with Him.

I think about all these things and then my prayers turn to this: please don’t let anything happen to them while I’m here on Earth. I know they would get to be with you, but I’d have to be here without them. Please, please, please.

My dad always says, “We only have today.” And it’s so true. And even today isn’t guaranteed. We will die, all of us. But we are also so blessed to have this one life.

And that’s where I find my peace—that I have been given today. I get to live and enjoy my family today. I get to be a blessing to someone else today.

I have been trying to change my what if to what now . What do I have right now to be grateful for? What NOW can I do to be in the moment, to enjoy this life.

I remember there is no fear in love, so if I don’t want to live in the what ifs, love must be the answer.

So today I choose to live in the now, in these beautiful moments, in the love.

When the fear comes in, I remind myself that right now, we are here, we are happy and we get to love each other right where we are. Right now is the blessing. It’s all we have.

Think about it, how would we cherish each other if time wasn’t so limited? If we never had to say good bye, would small moments even be valuable? Would we even feel the need to be present in the moment, if infinite moments were to come? Maybe, just maybe, the fact that we don’t live forever is a blessing, too.

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Kelli Bachara

Kelli Bachara is a wife and mom to two sweet kiddos. She is a mental health therapist, writer, and podcaster. Kelli loves her Goldendoodle, coffee, and this beautiful thing called life. You can find her at www.kellibachara.com .

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Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

Sheryl Sandberg’s essay on grief is one of the best things I’ve read about marriage

by Amanda Taub

When my closest friend got married a few years ago, I asked her if anything felt different after the ceremony. “Yes,” she said. “Realizing that my best-case scenario is now that I die first.” Her tone was flip, and we both laughed. But there was truth to what she said.

I love my husband so much that I hesitate to write about him — it feels unseemly, like bragging. It is impossibly painful to even imagine life without him: his presence is the source of my greatest joy in life, just as the idea of losing him is one of my worst fears. The best-case scenario is that I die first.

Sheryl Sandberg lost her beloved husband, Dave Goldberg, 30 days ago. To mark that occasion, she has written one of the best essays I have ever read about what it feels like to confront that terrible fear, and to deal with the profound grief that comes from losing someone you love. Her description of her grief since Goldberg’s death feels true not just as a statement of what it is like to lose someone you love, but also what it means to deeply love someone, and the value that our loved ones hold in our lives.

A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave . Now I do. I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past thirty days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well. But when I can, I want to choose life and meaning.

Strangely enough, the perfect companion piece to Sandberg’s essay is not about loss, but about the joy of having children. Michelle Goldberg (no relation to Dave Goldberg) wrote in New York Magazine last week about what inspired her and her husband to grow their family.

“Not long ago,” she writes , “I learned the Arabic word Ya’aburnee . Literally, ‘you bury me,’ it means wanting to die before a loved one so as not to have to face the world without him or her in it.”

Goldberg realized that those words captured her feelings for her husband, and that having a child would be a way to bring more of him into the world — and a way to hold on to part of him if someday she lost him.

Goldberg and her husband now have two children, and they have enriched her life, she writes, in ways she would never have believed possible. “Before there was one person in the world for whom I would use the word Ya’aburnee , and now there are three.”

Reading Sandberg’s essay with Goldberg’s is a reminder that the pain of loss is a worthwhile price to pay for the joy of love and marriage. Although Sandberg’s husband has died, the life they built together still remains. Her essay closes with a moving promise to support what they built, and the children they had together, even as she mourns him:

I can’t even express the gratitude I feel to my family and friends who have done so much and reassured me that they will continue to be there. In the brutal moments when I am overtaken by the void, when the months and years stretch out in front of me endless and empty, only their faces pull me out of the isolation and fear. My appreciation for them knows no bounds. I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.” Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B. And even though sheloshim has ended, I still mourn for option A. I will always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave.

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Fear Series: How to Overcome Your Fear of Loss

Today, you and I are here to talk about fear of loss, and it’s not going to be easy. The topic may be triggering for you if you’ve lost someone you loved in the past or are worried about losing someone you care about in the near future.

Know that you’re not alone. Speaking about loss is a deeply painful topic for me. As many of you may know from other Fearless Living teachings, I lost my mother and father in a matter of seconds when my father murdered my mother and killed himself in front of me.

Talking about loss hits close to home, but I know from many, many years of hiding from my feelings that I am much better off embracing, examining, and working through these feelings than I am ignoring them.

I am now in a place where I feel comfortable talking about loss, and I understand my own boundaries on the subject. That’s what I hope for you too.

No matter your age, we’ve all experienced loss, which makes this topic so special. And fear of loss goes well beyond death anxiety. It can overcome our decision making and hold us back because we fear all of the little things we might come to lose if we make a change .

In this article, I’ll break down what fear of loss is, the symptoms of fear of loss, and what steps you can take to get over your fear of loss.

Let’s get started!

Table of Contents

A Fearless Living Introduction: Overcoming Fear

Often, when we think about fear, we think of common phobias like a fear of heights, clowns, or public speaking. While these are certainly real fears, they’re not the fears we discuss at Fearless Living.

Our focus at Fearless Living is on emotional fears—the ones that penetrate deep into the heart of our mental health and wellness. Consciously or unconsciously, these emotional fears influence our decisions, causing us to make decisions that push us farther away from realizing our dreams and desires and living the life our soul intended.™

The 10 most common emotional fears are:

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Success
• Fear of Intimacy
• Fear of the Unknown
• Fear of Loneliness
• Fear of Not Being Good Enough
• Fear of Loss
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Being Judged
• Fear of Rejection

If you’re looking for details, I’ll continue to discuss and break down each of the fundamental fears we discuss at Fearless Living right here on this blog. For a general overview of each type of fear and the difference between common phobias and irrational fears vs. emotional fears, read: 10 Common Types of Fear and How to Overcome Them .

What Is the Fear of Loss Called , and Why Do I Fear Loss?

In scientific terms, fear of loss is called Thanatophobia. In these terms, it could mean you fear death for a family member or loved ones or you fear your own death.

When a fear of losing someone develops into intense anxiety, it is considered an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are serious business and should never be taken lightly. They can cause panic attacks, psychological distress, manifest in debilitating physical symptoms, and could develop into depressive disorders or mental disorders. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you experience these very real and serious symptoms, speak to your doctor or a mental health professional .

However, when we talk about fear of loss at Fearless Living, we’re talking about the deeply ingrained fear that’s holding you back from reaching your true potential . You might not even realize you’re beholden to a fear of loss if you don’t understand the symptoms.

So, what are the symptoms of a fear of loss?

Here are the top symptoms of the fear of loss. Do any of these resonate with you?

• You are overwhelmingly concerned about someone you love.
• You have anxiety about your future.
• You are worried about making the right decisions.
• You have nightmares about loss.
• You doubt your resilience.
• You feel like it's the end of the world if something goes wrong.
• You say yes just so you don’t miss out.
• You often buy things “just in case.”
• You buy things you don’t need or want.
• You get attached to belongings, people, and situations.
• You want things to stay the same and are nostalgic for the past.
• You agree with others so that you won’t lose them.
• You cannot lose control.
• You’d rather avoid loss than experience a future gain.
• You’re not sure you’re good enough.

Fear of loss signals an attachment to something—a person, job, object, lifestyle, or so on—that is at risk of being lost.

Fear of loss can make you feel paralyzed , unable to take action. You know what you want, but getting what you want may cause you to lose out in another aspect of your life, so you don’t act. Or you may run away from what you truly want because you fear if you get it, you will one day lose it.

You want more love, but you avoid looking for it because you’re too afraid you will lose what you already have… Which means you will never find the love you yearn for. You don't go after your dream job because you fear one day you will lose it… Which means you never get that dream job.

Sound familiar? 🙋‍♀️

So many people never reach for what they want because reaching for it means they could lose it. It is better to imagine it, to dream it, than to make it happen. A dream unattempted is still a dream, which is better, in some people’s minds, than an attempt that fell short. In other words… a FAILURE. 😱

This could also indicate a fear of failure, another emotional fear I break down further in my article: How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure . 

That's how seductive fear is. It makes you think dreaming is better than working and achieving.

Fear of loss is so, so, SO strong. Studies have shown the impact of losing something is twice as powerful as the impact of gaining something.

If you want a clear and simple picture of the fear of loss, let me tell you a story I think most of you will relate to. Recently, I cleaned out my garage. I hired a company to pull everything out and put it on my deck and lawn so that I could go through it. I figured I would get rid of a few things, but mostly, I just wanted to get it sorted and organized. After all, it was work stuff, and I didn’t think I needed to get rid of much.

But there was a lot more there than I expected! And in trying to tidy and get rid of what I didn't need, I literally experienced the fear of loss in every box I opened.

Will I need that again?

Is that important?

Awe… Remember that?

What a great memory!

What if I never find anything like this again?

It all went through my head. These “things” have been in my garage for 10-15 years, but as I opened each box, it felt like I HAD TO HAVE IT. Even though I haven't seen these things in 15 years. It could be a piece of paper. A piece of PAPER. As I uncovered each one and considered throwing it out, I went through the experience of loss.

We can see the same scenario play out with financial decisions. Most of us would rather put energy into not losing money than gaining wealth. I see this with so many of my clients, and I’ve been there myself.

You avoid losing money, no matter what it costs. You avoid losing relationships, and you avoid losing what's familiar. We often make poor decisions to avoid loss. We stay in relationships that aren't working. We live in homes we don't like. We buy things we don't need. We keep gym memberships because we have a deal. We fail to invest in ourselves because we are afraid to part with money.

Fear of loss keeps us from making any gains in life.

In essence, even if we are desperate to grow, we say no to opportunities and fail to invest in ourselves.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Loss

There is some good news though: You can DO SOMETHING about your fear of loss!

Ask Yourself, What Are You Afraid to Lose?

The first step is self-awareness. Ask yourself, what are you afraid to lose?

Is it money, success, family, friends, time, health? Being aware of what you fear to lose will help ground your thoughts in reality.

Our fear of loss is usually strongest when life is good. When I won my Emmy, I was afraid I would lose everything. When I wrote my book, I was afraid I’d never accomplish anything else after that.

In times of success, fear of loss comes raging in. When we are at the pinnacle of success, we worry we will lose it. Our mind manufactures stories that “put us in our place.” Fear of loss whispers in our ears that we will lose everything.

It’s in these times I encourage you to ask yourself, “What am I actually afraid to lose?” How much is fear taking over? Most often, when you work through all of the “what ifs,” you’ll see that these “what ifs” are either very unlikely or not actually worth worrying about.

For example, you might be in a store and notice your favorite shampoo is on sale, so your impulse is to buy as many as possible. Even in this simple scenario, fear is leading the charge, making you think you need to buy six bottles.

But if you stop and think about it, what are you afraid of?

That you’re going to run out of shampoo? When will you run out of shampoo? Well, let’s say you go through one bottle a month. Does that mean you need six bottles right now? What happens if you get down to your last bottle? Will you be able to buy it again? What will happen if you have to pay 50 cents more for a bottle next month? Is that a cost you can afford? Will anything bad actually happen if you pay full price for a bottle of shampoo next month?

Sales pull on our fears, making us think we have to buy now . We have to buy it because this is our last chance. The sale won’t be around again. You’ll have to pay more if I wait. But in the grand scheme of things, waiting to buy something or not buying anything at all isn’t that big of a risk.

Understand That Loss and Gain Are Connected

Understand that for every loss there is a gain.

For every loss, there is new potential.

But to gain, you must be willing to lose.

As we grow, we face a vast number of crossroads, and when you’re in the midst of a big decision, two different losses are competing for your attention. Choosing something different is relinquishing what you know. You are giving something up. There will be loss.

For example, moving in with a partner means losing the apartment you love and the space you know. Moving to Thailand means losing the comfort of friends and family and all that’s familiar. Getting married means giving up single life and the ability to make your own decisions without a discussion, among other things. Quitting your job means leaving behind security and a job you already know how to do.

Pursuing something new means giving up what you know, which can feel very scary! And for some people, the idea of losing what they know is too much; it keeps them in a perpetual state of putting their dreams on hold.

There are always competing losses that come with any decision. Fear convinces you that it’s better to stick to the status quo. Fear convinces you that the path of least resistance is best because you will never lose what you have. But in doing so, fear keeps you from gaining anything new. It keeps you from making progress. Fear of loss keeps you from living the life your soul intended.™ 

Let’s look at our examples a little further. If moving in with your partner means losing your own space, it also means growing your relationship, finding out if you’re actually compatible, and gaining the many special moments you’ll share together instead of alone.

If moving to Thailand means losing proximity to family and friends, it also means saving money you can use in the future, living surrounded by a gorgeous backdrop, and learning more about yourself, other cultures, and the world at large than you ever could at home.

If getting married means losing that single life, it also means a future of love and support. It means having someone who always has your back, someone you can grow a family with.

If leaving your job means losing the security of what you know, it also equates to unlimited potential as you explore careers that are better suited to your dreams, like life coaching !

Simply understanding the connection between these two forces can help you break free from the chains of fear that are holding you back.

You won’t be able to get what you want or achieve your dream life if you're always stuck in what you know. You will absolutely lose aspects of your life in order to move forward, but what’s important is keeping sight of what you will gain.

Build Awareness That Death and Loss Are Part of Life

Death is tragic, but there’s also no changing the fact it’s a part of life. It’s something we will all face. There is no getting around it, and the more you fight against it, and the more you let fear overcome you, the worse it will be for you and those you love.

When you embrace that life goes on, time keeps moving forward, and you will get through it, death becomes part of the beauty of life.

Death and loss are part of the journey of being alive.

Death is part of our human reality. Impermanence pushes us forward and encourages us to live for the current moment. Going through loss at any age can be devastating, but it’s in the midst of a loss that we discover our own resilience and strength.

And loss comes in more forms than death. It could be loss of a job, loss of wealth, loss of innocence, loss of your home, etc. Your children growing up and leaving your home is a loss, but it's one that’s part of life’s journey, and one that comes with great gain for their own development.

Loss doesn’t make you a loser. It’s part of your journey, and the real question is what are you going to do about it? How are you going to face this challenge? How will you face this loss and change in your life? Will you face it head-on, or will you turn and run, struggling in vain to hold on to something that’s impossible to hold on to?

Remember, we all have the power to choose how we react .

While there’s a lot of life we can’t control, we can control our own actions. I had no control over what happened to my parents on that terrible day. No matter how much I believed for so long that it was my fault and that I could have done something to change things, those events were out of my control. But that didn’t mean I didn’t have any control. I needed to learn what was within my circle of control.

Let’s dig into that a bit further.

Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Letting go of the uncontrollable is a big step in overcoming your fear of loss. You can’t control someone else’s health or death date. You can’t control what other people say or whether or not the weather cooperates.

Trying to take responsibility for things that are outside of your control pulls you out of the moment and stops you from living in the present.

You can’t live in the present while you’re obsessed with what’s out of your control because you’re acting based on a future worry or past regret. You’re making choices based on a future (potential) failure or a future loss. But all of these things are unpredictable and uncertain—they’re not what’s happening right now in the present.

Let go of what you can’t control, and use the power and energy you gain to focus on what’s actually within your control. Letting go of what you can’t control doesn’t make you powerless. It actually makes you more powerful because you’re able to refocus your energy where it matters most.

You can control how you react. 

You can control what you say. 

You can control what you buy. 

You can control how you spend your time. 

You can control how you treat other people. 

You can control how you treat yourself. 

Because as much as fear doesn’t want you to believe it—you always have a choice. You choose whether or not a setback is a lesson. You choose how you react to other people, even when they make choices you don’t agree with. You choose whether you take a step toward your dreams or continue to push them further away.

Cracking Your Fear of Loss With Fearless Living

Of course, this is only the very beginning. Fear of loss can have a strong hold on us, which means it’s a tough egg to crack! This article only scratches the surface of tackling and finally curing your fear of loss. I have a full course dedicated to fear of loss, which digs so much deeper than I’m able to go in this single written guide.

A Fearless You membership gives you access to the entire How to Overcome Fear series, which includes the 10 most common fears, including Fear of Change, Fear of Failure, Fear of Intimacy, and more.

The How to Overcome Fear Series is available to you for as long as you have a Fearless You membership. The membership also comes with dozens of other courses, lessons, and live sessions. The entire Fearless You library will be just a click away, ready to help you live the life your soul intended.™

Learn more about Fearless You and continue following the Fearless Living blog for free weekly content on everything from finding and following your soul purpose to how to get unstuck in 6 steps to how to forgive even when it feels impossible .

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Discover how fear is secretly sabotaging your success and happiness

fearless you

Fearless leader, let’s connect, day 30: let me introduce you to yourself.

It’s time to celebrate. You did it. Oh how good you’ll feel when you’ve practiced the 30 tools laid out for you in Change Your Life in 30 Days. You’ll feel more yourself than you’ve ever felt before. You’ll be more empowered and powerful knowing these tools are at your fingertips. Bottom line: your relationships will be filled with more love, your worth will skyrocket, your confidence will increase and your dreams will have wings. Your toolbox is full. Your mindset is fearless. Now, go on. Live your Fearless Life.

Day 29: Heaven

Take a breath. A nice deep one. We are going to talk about heaven together. Not the one with God sitting on a cloud, but the heaven that exists right where you are. The heaven tat shows up when we live by our commitments. In Day 29, I’ve created a commitment statement that will anchor you as you move forward in living more fearlessly. It will inspire you, and yes, even motivate you. More important, it will remind you who you really are. This is a favorite amongst my students.

Day 28: Beautiful You

Beautiful isn’t a word most people take on easily. They can call other people beautiful but when I ask them to think of themselves that way, they pause, get confused and may even blush. It’s okay. Owning your beauty isn’t something you were probably taught to do. I know I wasn’t. Day 28 is about your beauty within and without and owning it. By the way, you are beautiful and I can’t wait for you to know it. For real.

Day 27: Redefining You

You’ve been on this journey with me for 27 days. And in those 27 days you’ve changed. For the better. You’re more…how do I say it? More YOU! And it’s time to take a moment and reflect on who you are now. It’s time to redefine who you are and how you want to move forward. Take a breath. This is all good.

Day 26: Never Confront Again

Have you ever avoided having a difficult conversation? Me too. Until I learned this surprising simple mindset that eliminates confronting anyone ever again that I will share with you in Day 26. Plus, I’m going to give you a step-by-step script to show you what to do instead. Your new mindset along with the script will make any conversation you’ve been avoiding way easier. Soon, there will be no conversation too scary for you to have. It’s time to speak up.

Day 25: Forget Motivation

If I give you a hyped up pep speech, you might feel motivated. For a while. But I bet not long enough to get the job done. And that’s the problem with motivation created by an outside force. In Day 25, I’m going to show you what to focus on instead that will give you more long-term results and long-term contentment. Sounds nice, right?

Day 24: What’s Love Got To Do With It

Your yearnings and desires come from wanting to share more of who you are. Self love is what helps you do that by giving you the permission (and worth) to push past your fears and reach for your dreams. But often, it’s doesn’t feel okay to love yourself. It’s feels selfish or greedy. No more. In Day 24, you’ll get the permission you need to go after anything that you want because you’ll know how to love yourself (and you have a right to your dreams.)

Day 23: For or Against

Is the world for you or against you? I know you want to believe the world is for you yet, I bet, based on what you discover in Day 23, you’ll soon see how often you get tricked into believing, and reacting, as if the world is against you. When you feel like the world is against you, it becomes a world filled with lack and that’s no way to live. In Day 23, I will give you a tool that will give you eyes to see that the world is, indeed, for you.

Day 22: The Gift of Rejection

Rejection is hard to face. And it’s a part of life. Usually, it isn’t personal, even when it feels personal. On Day 22, I will be asking you to go beyond the normal surface experience and instead, see yourself through heart of your humanity. Yes. You are human. Yes. Things happen. And yes. You will be rejected. And it’s all good. It might be hard to see it now, but soon, being thankful for rejection will be effortless. Let me show you the tools to use to make this so.

Day 21: Luck, Fate and Destiny

I’m going to blow your mind on Day 21 because I’m asking you to give up luck. Yep. No more luck. On Day 21 I will tell you why and more important, what to do instead. This will give you such relief and make you feel so powerful. Success is within your grasp when you give up luck and embody the tools I share here.

Day 20: Momentum

Let’s keep the momentum going. In Day 20, you’ll revisit the last 10 days to give yourself credit for the hard work you’ve been doing plus, remind yourself of what’s ahead. Without momentum, we lose hope and lose our inspired action. When you have momentum, the bumps of life don’t seem so rough.

Day 19: Forgiveness

Is there a part of you stuck in the past? For over 20 years of my life, I couldn’t get past my past because I didn’t know how to forgive so I refused to. Have you refused to forgive someone in your past whose hurt you? Maybe that person is even yourself? If the past is running your present, you’ll create a future that looks a whole lot like the past. In Day 19, I will take you by the hand and show you how to forgive the past for good. There’s freedom here. I promise.

Day 18: Intuition

Do you know the difference between the voice of fear and the voice of your intuition? Not sure? Day 18 is going to make it crystal clear to you so you can take inspired action. When you know you’re guided by something larger than you, it’s easy to be motivated and trust yourself. The ability to follow your intuition is necessary for true happiness. You’ll find out how here.

Day 17: Excuses

Are you so good at making up excuses you’re confusing them with the facts? You’re not alone. Most people want to show me proof that their excuses are real. I let them. But after I share the tools in Day 17, you won’t want to because you’ll see that a fight for your excuses is a fight for a less than fearless life.

Day 16: The Myth of Balance

The search for balance has become epidemic and based on the amount of magazine articles and books written on the subject, we are failing miserably in our quest for the perfect balance. What if you could create the balance you need to achieve your biggest dreams? In Day 16, I’m going to ask you to give up your search for balance and instead, use this new tool to help you reach your goals.

Day 15: Trusting Heart

Do you ever feel like you can’t really trust the people around you? Has someone you love let you down? Has your heart been broken too many times? What would you say if I told you that trusting others isn’t about them at all but about trusting yourself? In Day 15, you’ll learn a whole new way to trust yourself, and others, so you can finally experience a deeper and more authentic intimacy with those that matter.

Day 14: Liar, Liar

Do you ever find yourself lying to make a situation better? Lying seems harmless enough, especially those little white lies. But those lies erode our self-respect and cause us to doubt ourselves. You might be surprised to learn that honesty isn’t always the answer to lying. Day 14 will give you a pathway out of lies and false honesty to create clear conversations that create more connection in all your relationships.

Day 13: The Power of Word

Do your words empower you or disempower you? Words are slippery and unless we become aware of what comes out of our mouths, more than we’d like, the words we use every day are ruining our chances for success. In Day 13, I will show you which words to eliminate and which words will boost your confidence.

Day 12: Ask for What You Want

What do you really want? No, really? It’s hard to ask for what you want from the person you want it from most, isn’t it? So much at stake. It’s scary to ask for something without any guarantee of satisfactory results. But it is necessary for you to be free. In Day 12, I will show you how to ask for what you want without feeling bad, selfish or guilty.

Day 11: Regrets

Regrets are deadly to our self-esteem, stifle our ability to act and keep us stuck in the past. Until we let go of our regrets, there is little hope for a different future. Day 11 is going to give you the tools to let regret go for good.

Day 10: Integration

It’s time to make sure you “got this.” Not just in theory but in practice. Integrating the tools each step of the way guarantees you can use them again and again now and forever. No matter what lies ahead these tools will be in your toolbox at the ready to set you free from any fear. I will put you through a drill to help you own that you’re doing better than you think you are.

Day 9: Shine Your Light

Have you ever secretly wished you could shout from the rafters: this is who I really am? But instead, did you find yourself putting your success down or unable to speak up when you most wanted to? Day 9 will show you how to give up judging yourself and learn how to shine your light. It’s integral to your ability to say YES to you!

Day 8: The Freedom of Discipline

When you use the power of discipline fueled by your true nature, it becomes an act of love. Let me show you the way to access a truer, more loving kind of discipline that will not make you rigid, strict or stuffy. When you access discipline because you want to, not because you have to, you’ll have more ease, grace and freedom.

Day 7: Are You Making It Up or Is It True?

Want more peace of mind? When I want to launch into full-on attack mode or shut myself down and hide or defend myself, this sentence brings me back to center and allows me to respond, instead of react. Your life is about to get a whole lot better.

Day 6: Stretch, Risk, or Die

Have you ever felt utterly stuck? It’s probably because you didn’t take into account the emotional toll it takes to break bad habits. (Logic alone isn’t enough.) My super secret tool guarantees that you will start taking action on the things that have felt insurmountable in the past. It’s easier than you think.

Day 5: Affirmations, Intentions, and Goals

Have you felt like a complete failure when it comes to affirmations? Me too. I’m going to show you why. Oh, and did you know that goals serve intentions, not the other way around? This is where most success gets sidetracked. I will show you when to use which tool and how to maximize your success.

Day 4: Purpose and Passion

Without purpose, passion can feel out of control and even, crazy. Without passion, purpose can seem dull and uninviting. Purpose and Passion must work hand-in-hand to light you up, inspire others and set your life on its Fearless Path. Day 4 will show you how.

Day 3: Building Your Confidence Muscle

Have you ever wanted more confidence? Day 3 will show you to own the confidence you have had in the past and how to create the confidence you need any time you need it. With confidence, all things are possible.

Day 2: Give Credit Where Credit is Due

Can you accept praise? If you have a hard time accepting compliments or giving yourself credit, Day 2 will give you a tool that will allow you to honor your hard work as well as allow you to receive love from others. (Wouldn’t that be nice.)

Day 1: A New Beginning

The truth is you can have it all. You can have the external things you crave while fulfilling your soul’s desires if you can answer ‘yes’ to these five questions.

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How To Cope With The Fear Of Losing Someone You Love

Losing someone you deeply care about life can be one of the most difficult moments in life with which to come to terms, and yet almost all of us eventually lose someone we love. The feelings connected with a loss can encompass a spectrum of intense emotions, such as fear, anger, sadness, and denial. But what can we do if we are faced with the fear of losing someone before it even happens? Sometimes feelings of anxiety can set in before the loss, which can be hard to process.  Other times, the fear may exist without any known cause. In this article, we will explore how to recognize these fears and offer strategies to help manage these feelings. In increasing our knowledge and understanding about how loss affects us, we may find encouragement and support as we work through the grieving process. 

Types of loss

Loss of a partner.

If you have been in a long-term relationship or marriage and it is about to end, the feelings of fear and grief surrounding this loss can be painful on many levels.  You may also find you experience conflicting emotions, such as feelings of relief accompanied by deep sadness. 

Loss of a friendship

There are many reasons a friendship can end: growing apart over time, a change of values, a dramatic bust-up, or a long-distance move. In any situation, it is natural to feel a sense of loss of letting go of someone whom you cherish. 

Loss of a family member

Relationships can be at times troublesome, and with some family members, there may be a lifetime of good times mixed in with challenges. In some of these cases, there may need to be a break for the mental health of one or the other. While a net positive, this space can also bring on feelings of loss and sadness. 

Loss of a social circle

For those who leave a job or move to a new geographic area, there may be a loss of their social group. A person may also experience a sense of absence when they lose contact with another member of their group.

Death of a loved one

Even when the death of a loved one is inevitable, the pain of the loss is still real.  Most of us have or will lose someone we love in our lifetime. 

Are your fears evidence-based?

When examining fears related to losing a loved one, there is a question that can be important to ask yourself: are my fears evidence-based? That is, are you fearful of losing someone who is at a high risk of dying or leaving? A friend with cancer and a poor prognosis, or a husband who has announced that your marriage is over are both examples of fears based on evidence.  In this case, you may be experiencing “anticipatory grief”, that is, a grieving process that begins before the event itself occurs. This type of grief is also called premature or preparatory grief and occurs unconsciously when a person’s stability is shaken, such as with a diagnosis of a life-threatening medical condition.  

The connection between generalized anxiety disorder and certain fears

You may also be experiencing fear because of the possibility that you will lose someone you love dearly, however, there is no definite cause of this fear. Do you continually worry about possibilities that could take a loved one from you, and play them out in your thoughts?  These types of feelings can be symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), in which people experience excessive worry over potential scenarios that can interfere with daily life. 

These fears may also be caused by increased levels of stress or circumstances that remind you of a past loss. In any of these cases, if your fears are becoming unmanageable or are creating a challenge in your day-to-day life, it may be helpful for you to speak to a licensed therapist. They can help you put these fears into perspective and offer coping techniques to manage these feelings over time. 

Strategies for coping with loss or fear of loss

If a loss in your life is inevitable, feeling fearful can be a completely natural response. However, if these fears are overwhelming and affecting your quality of life, finding positive outlets that help you work through these feelings can be helpful. Here are some ways that you can cope with fear and other intense emotions surrounding loss or inevitable loss. 

Understand the grieving process

Preparing yourself for loss by learning about the process of grieving can help, as the knowledge of what to expect may relieve some of the fear. You can begin by understanding how the grieving process may work. First and foremost, grieving is a highly personalized experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it is called a process for a reason. Grief can happen all at once or be gradual - you may find that you move forward and then back again. Many people may find themselves experiencing one emotion, such as sadness or anger, for a period of time before moving forward. 

Stages of grief

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is known for writing about the psychological reaction to imminent death in her book titled On Death and Dying.  Kubler-Ross interviewed several terminally ill patients to explore the experience of dying and found there were five major “stages” of the grieving process. 

The  Kubler-Ross stages of grief  include the following:

• Denial – Difficulty comprehending the reality of the loss
• Anger – May also manifest as blame (someone else is held responsible for the loss)
• Bargaining - Driven by the need to have some sense of control over the situation
• Depression – Characterized by feelings of sadness, anhedonia, and fatigue
• Acceptance – Often followed by enjoying the time they have left and planning for what is ahead

However, these stages are not meant to be a rigid framework. Some may not experience one or more stages. Some may skip a stage or revisit a stage. They also do not represent stages, such as steps in a ladder to the culmination of acceptance. Each stage of grief is an important and healthy facet of the process. Understanding these stages helps encourage empathy and support for yourself and others around you. 

Allow yourself to feel

While there is no “wrong” way to grieve, you can hinder the process by trying to repress natural feelings. If you are feeling afraid of loss, it is okay to feel those feelings, and it may be beneficial to do so. Allow the process to work. You may find it easier to write down your feelings in a journal or talk to a trusted friend. Speaking to a mental health therapist is also a way you can let go of painful feelings in a safe and supportive environment. 

Take care of your physical health

Grieving is complex and can be exhausting, which can take a toll on your physical health. Many people experience loss of sleep and appetite, which can make it difficult to focus on self-care. Physical symptoms can also be a part of the grieving process and healthy choices may help to relieve or decrease the impact of these symptoms. Healthy lifestyle practices can have a positive impact on mental health , so taking care of your body may help you to feel better emotionally. Consider the following healthy lifestyle suggestions: 

• Eat regular meals
• Get exercise. This can mean simply taking a short walk, doing some yoga stretches, or doing a group fitness class you enjoy.
• Go outside. Being in nature can offer  both physical and emotional benefits . 
• Avoid using drugs or alcohol to manage pain
• Practice good sleep hygiene

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Reach out to loved ones

For some people, grief or fear of loss can cause them to draw away from others. However, expressing your feelings with loved ones can create connections that may help lessen the emotional burden. If you participate in hobbies or group activities, try to continue your participation and keep your connections open. 

Therapy for loss or anxiety around potential loss

Whether you are experiencing fear of losing a loved one who is likely to die or experiencing feelings of anxiety that a loved one may die without evidence of this fact, therapy can be helpful in managing these feelings. In the former case, a licensed therapist can help you come to terms with the situation and guide you through the grieving process. In the latter case, a licensed therapist can help you identify where your feelings of anxiety may stem from and offer a series of coping mechanisms to help you manage those feelings. 

Online therapy 

While looking for a therapist, you may have found that you have several options, including in-person and online therapy - both effective ways for you to seek professional advice. Online therapy is convenient as you participate in therapy from the comfort of your own home and is supported by research as a beneficial alternative to in-person therapy . For those who may not have in-person therapy, are not comfortable meeting face-to-face, or are not insured for therapy and would like to find a more affordable option, online therapy can be an effective and supportive alternative. 

Can online therapy actually help mental health symptoms?

Research has shown that online therapy is effective in treating symptoms of depression, grief, and other mental health symptoms after bereavement . If you have experienced a loss and are interested in speaking with a therapist,  BetterHelp can help match you with a therapist that fits your needs. This online platform gives you the flexibility to schedule appointments that are convenient for you and gives you the opportunity to meet with them over video chat.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about the fear of losing someone you love., what is the fear of losing someone you love.

The fear of losing someone you love can be a profound emotion that can come from the anticipation of losing loved ones, with or without any concrete evidence. The fear of losing people can be categorized into two main categories: 

• Evidence-Based Fears – These are fears grounded in actual situations. Examples include a loved one having a severe illness with a poor prognosis or a partner saying they’re going to end the relationship. These fears can lead to something called “anticipatory grief,” a form of grieving that begins before the actual departure or death has occurred. 
• Non-Specific Fears – These fears are when you find yourself worrying about losing a person even though there isn’t any evidence to indicate that they’ll be leaving. This fear could indicate symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). 

In both cases, individuals can’t stop worrying or thinking about the imminent or potential loss.  

Why do I always have these fears of losing someone?

The persistent fear of losing someone, even when there’s no reason to fear their departure, can be caused by several underlying factors. Previous experiences of loss or trauma can lead to heightened fears around death and loss. Your attachment style can also play a role. For example, a person with an anxious attachment style might be overcome by fears of abandonment or rejection.

Constantly living with the fear of losing others can also be a symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Living with these fears can make it difficult to enjoy life. If you find yourself grappling with these fears or other mental health concerns, reaching out to a therapist can help. 

Why do I fear losing a loved one?

The thought of losing someone you love can often evoke feelings of sadness, vulnerability, uncertainty, and fear. Past experiences of loss can intensify these feelings, and your personal attachment style can also play a role. 

External factors in our lives can also bring fears of loss to the forefront. For instance, if someone you know is facing a life-threatening illness or there was an unexpected death in your community, it can make the loss feel more tangible. Similarly, regular exposure to news about accidents, illnesses, or tragedies can create a heightened sense of fear. 

Existential concerns about the fleeting nature of life or philosophical thoughts about life and death can also spur fears of losing the ones you love. 

How do you accept losing someone you love?

Accepting the loss of someone you love is a challenging journey that’s different for everyone. Grief is a personal journey, and there’s no “right” way to navigate it. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five main stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can serve as a framework, but it’s common to move fluidly between these stages. 

It’s incredibly important to prioritize self-care and make sure you eat healthy, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that nurture your well-being. Connecting with people you love can also help. It may also be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist can talk with you about your grief journey and provide you with tools to navigate the loss. 

How can losing someone you love affect your mental health?

Losing someone you love can deeply affect several aspects of your life. Emotionally, you might experience a spectrum of feelings ranging from sadness, anger, and denial to relief and guilt. These emotions can be intense and unpredictable, often changing from one moment to the next. Loss can also lead to difficulty concentrating and other cognitive effects.

Physically, grief can cause fatigue, appetite changes, and sleep changes. It might also cause you to withdraw from activities and avoid starting a new relationship. Loss can also affect your spiritual beliefs if you have them, leading to questions about existence, purpose, and the afterlife. Over time, these emotions may change, and the hurt may dissolve. However, it’s important to note that there’s no “normal” path to loss as it’s a very individual experience. 

How does it feel to lose someone?

Losing someone, whether through death or breakup, often comes with intense emotions like sadness, disbelief, and pain. It can be like navigating through a fog of grief where there are moments of clarity interspersed with overwhelming emotion. Over time, the intensity is likely to lessen, but the sense of loss and grief may remain. Seeking help from a professional can make processing these feelings more manageable. 

Is it okay to lose someone you love?

Absolutely. It’s okay to part ways with someone you love if it’s in the best interest of your well-being or theirs. Relationships can evolve, and sometimes, that means growing apart. Prioritizing your emotional health and future is important. While it may be painful, it’s important to recognize when a relationship isn’t fulfilling or healthy anymore. 

However, if you aren’t sure you’re ready to let go of your relationship, speaking with a therapist or attending couples therapy with your partner could be helpful. 

For many, losing a loved one can lead to personal growth and resilience. While the journey of grief is deeply personal and varied, some people find that the process equips them with a great sense of empathy and a greater appreciation for life’s moments. However, it’s important to recognize everyone’s experience is unique, and strength can manifest in many ways. While some might find strength through death or past relationships, it may be more challenging for others. 

Losing someone can change a person’s life and bring about emotional, psychological, and physical changes. It can cause intense feelings like grief, sadness, and anger or prompt emotional reflection. Sometimes, loss can serve as a catalyst for growth and transformation. 

The absence of a loved one can also disrupt daily routines, traditions, and interactions, which can lead to changing social dynamics. For instance, losing a parent might change holidays and how the family interacts with each other. Alternatively, losing a live-in partner changes your daily routine. 

The life changes caused by losing someone will depend on the person lost, how they were lost (whether through death or separation), and other factors like how close you were to them, whether the loss was unexpected, and more. If you’re having difficulties navigating life after loss, a professional can help. 

There’s no “right” way to deal with losing someone. However, there are several common strategies that many find helpful, including: 

• Acknowledging Your Feelings – It can be important to recognize and accept the myriad of emotions you might feel when dealing with loss. 
• Seek Support – Friends, family, and support groups can all provide comfort and connections while navigating loss. 
• Engage In Therapy – Professional therapists can offer coping strategies and a safe space to process your emotions. 
• Maintain Self-Care – Getting enough rest, eating regularly, and getting adequate exercise can all be important to navigating loss. 
• Allow Time – Healing doesn’t have a set timeline. Giving yourself the grace to grieve at your own pace can be helpful. 

Everyone copes differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s important to find what works for you so you can begin to rebuild your life after loss. 

• How To Overcome Fearful Avoidant Attachment Experienced In A Dating Situation Medically reviewed by Paige Henry , LMSW, J.D.
• Love Or Money? Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
• Relationships and Relations

Fear of Losing Someone You Love: Overcoming Attachment Anxiety

Fear of losing someone you love. It’s a universal emotion, one that strikes at the very core of our being. For me, it’s not just a casual concern, but an all-consuming reality that has the power to shake my world. We’re talking about something deeply personal here, an intense fear that can affect every aspect of your life.

Surely, I’m not alone in this feeling. In fact, it’s pretty common for people to experience this type of anxiety at some point in their lives. Whether it’s a partner, family member or close friend – the thought of them no longer being around is truly gut-wrenching.

However, let’s remember – it’s perfectly normal to have such fears. When we love someone deeply, we naturally don’t want to lose them. But sometimes these fears can become overwhelming and start impacting our everyday lives in significant ways. That’s when we need to address them head-on and learn how to cope better with these unsettling emotions.

The Nature of Fear in Relationships

Fear, it’s a powerful emotion that can make or break relationships. When we love someone deeply, the thought of losing them is enough to send shivers down our spine. We start imagining life without them and it’s not pretty. This fear can lead us to do things we wouldn’t normally do – be overly protective, possessive, even paranoid at times.

In my experience, this type of fear often stems from insecurity and lack of trust. If you’re constantly worrying about your partner leaving you, it might be because you’re insecure about yourself or don’t fully trust them. It’s important to recognize these feelings for what they are – signs that something needs to change.

Now let’s consider some statistics:

According to a survey conducted by Relationship Health Inc., nearly 35% of individuals reported high levels of insecurity in their relationship which directly contributed towards their fear.

But I’ve found that communication works wonders in such situations. Talk about your fears with your partner openly and honestly. You might find that they have similar fears too! Once out in the open, these worries become less daunting and easier to tackle together as a team.

It’s also crucial to remind ourselves that everyone has their own life outside the relationship. It doesn’t mean they love us any less if they want some time alone or with friends and family.

Remember, being scared of losing someone isn’t inherently bad; it shows how much we value them in our lives. But when it starts controlling our actions and emotions excessively, it becomes unhealthy fear.

Understanding the Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear, it’s a potent emotion. It can make us do things we’d never imagine and feel things we can’t quite put into words. Specifically, let’s talk about the fear of losing someone you love.

This fear isn’t just a fleeting moment or an occasional worry. It’s a profound dread that grips your soul and plays with your mind, creating scenarios that may never happen. This anxiety could stem from past experiences of loss or even the mere thought of experiencing such pain.

Now, let me be clear: it’s perfectly normal to fear loss. We’re human after all—emotions are part and parcel of our existence. That said, when this fear becomes all-consuming, it may hinder our ability to live fully and enjoy our relationships.

So why does this happen? Well for starters:

• Personal experiences : If you’ve experienced significant loss before (like the death of a loved one), you might be more susceptible to this fear.
• Anxiety disorders : People with diagnosed anxiety issues often struggle with fears like these.
• Empathy : If you are highly empathetic person who deeply feels others’ pain, imagining their loss can trigger immense fear.

But how prevalent is this issue? Unfortunately, there aren’t many studies specifically on the ‘fear of losing someone’, but data on related anxieties give us some insight:

These numbers show that anxieties tied to loss or separation are not uncommon among adults in any given year.

To sum up: Fear is complex; it doesn’t come in neat packages or simple explanations—it’s messy and personal. But understanding where it comes from—the roots—is the first step towards addressing it. And remember, it’s okay to seek help when you’re scared. After all, we’re only human. The next section will delve deeper into how you can manage this fear effectively. Stay with me!

Causes and Triggers for the Fear of Loss

It’s no secret that experiencing fear is a part of human nature. In particular, the fear of losing someone we love can be an overwhelming and often debilitating feeling. This deep-seated anxiety is typically triggered by a variety of factors.

One common trigger is past trauma or loss. I’ve seen many instances where an individual has lost someone important in their life – it could be due to death, divorce, or even friendship fallout. The emotional impact from this experience often leads to a heightened fear of reliving such pain with other loved ones in their lives.

Moreover, witnessing others go through similar situations can also fuel this fear. We’re empathetic creatures by nature, hence seeing our friends or family members suffer from loss can make us anxious about facing the same scenarios ourselves.

Anxiety disorders are another cause contributing to the fear of losing loved ones. People dealing with conditions like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) have reported increased fears around loss and abandonment. Below you’ll find some statistics related to GAD:

Insecurities within relationships may also lead to such fears. If there’s constant worry about your relationship status with a partner, friend or family member changing unexpectedly, this could potentially heighten your apprehension around loss.

Lastly, it’s worth mentioning that media influence cannot be ignored either – stories and movies frequently portray heart-wrenching tales of loss which may inadvertently stoke our own anxieties over time.

• Past trauma or personal losses
• Witnessing losses in others’ lives
• Anxiety disorders like GAD
• Relationship insecurities
• Media influences

Remember that understanding these causes and triggers is the first step towards managing them effectively!

Coping Mechanisms: How to Deal with Anxiety about Loss

Fear of losing someone dear to you can be a paralyzing experience. It’s like being stuck in a dark tunnel, the walls closing in on you, and there’s no light at the end. But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Face your fear head-on; it’s often the most effective way to deal with anxiety about loss. Instead of avoiding the thoughts or suppressing the emotions associated with losing a loved one, allow yourself time each day to consciously think about these fears. This process is called exposure therapy and is frequently used in treating various forms of anxiety disorders .

Next, practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing exercises or meditation. These practices can help reduce anxious thoughts by focusing your mind on the present moment rather than dwelling on future uncertainties.

Let me share some stats here:

Remember, it’s important not just for coping but also for maintaining overall mental health.

Writing down your feelings might also prove therapeutic. Sometimes our fears are exacerbated because we struggle articulating them internally . By putting those thoughts into words and seeing them on paper, you’re allowing yourself an outlet for those pent-up anxieties.

Lastly but importantly, consider seeking professional help if your fear becomes debilitating or starts interfering with your daily life activities. Therapists and counselors are trained professionals who can provide strategies tailored specifically for managing your unique anxieties.

• Be open with your emotions
• Use exposure therapy
• Practice mindfulness techniques
• Write down how you feel
• Seek professional assistance if needed

Remember – it’s okay not always to be okay! The key lies in acknowledging our fears and finding ways through which we can navigate these tough moments.

Professional Help: Seeking Therapy for Your Fears

It’s not unusual to fear losing someone you love deeply. The thought can consume your waking hours and invade your dreams, leaving you feeling helpless and overwhelmed. But, the good news is, professional help is available. Therapists, psychologists, and counselors trained in dealing with issues of attachment and loss can provide the tools necessary to navigate these fears.

Many folks hesitate at the idea of seeking therapy. There’s a stigma attached – that it’s only for people who’ve ‘lost it’ or can’t handle their problems. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Therapy isn’t about being weak or unable; it’s about learning new strategies to cope with life’s curveballs.

• In 2019 alone, nearly 40 million adults in America sought therapy according to Statista.
• A survey by Psychology Today reveals an increase of over 500% in online therapy sessions since the onset of COVID-19 pandemic.

The sheer numbers underline how common it is to seek help when needed.

Therapy offers numerous benefits besides just providing an outlet for your fears. It helps unravel the reasons behind your fear – why does this fear exist? What triggers make it worse? Therapists guide you through understanding these patterns which lead to more effective coping mechanisms.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for instance, focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and teaching skills to combat them effectively. So instead of being consumed by dread every time a loved one steps out the door, CBT might equip you with calming exercises or rational responses.

In essence, therapy doesn’t aim at eradicating your fear entirely – after all, some measure of fear shows how much we value our relationships! The goal is managing those fears so that they don’t overrun your life. So, if you’re wrestling with the fear of losing a loved one, consider reaching out to a professional. It’s not about being weak; it’s about empowering yourself and reclaiming control over your fears.

Mental Health and The Fear of Losing Loved Ones

I’ve found that fear of losing loved ones can significantly impact our mental health. It’s a natural emotion, but when it becomes overwhelming or obsessive, it can lead to anxiety disorders such as separation anxiety or complicated grief. We’ll explore these conditions further in the next few paragraphs.

Let’s start with separation anxiety. Typically associated with children, adults can also experience this condition. When someone you love isn’t around, you might feel intense fear or distress – that’s separation anxiety for you. According to the American Psychiatric Association, approximately 7% of adults deal with this disorder at some point in their lives.

But what happens when we lose someone we love? Grief is a normal response, but sometimes it doesn’t lessen over time – this is referred to as complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder (PCBD). Around 10-20% of bereaved individuals endure PCBD according to research published by Harvard Medical School.

Now let’s discuss how we can manage these fears and maintain good mental health:

• Therapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has proven effective in treating both separation anxiety and complicated grief.
• Mindfulness: Grounding techniques like deep breathing exercises can help manage momentary panic.
• Support Groups: Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences provides comfort and practical advice.

Remember, if you’re struggling with these issues, there’s no shame in seeking help. Mental health professionals are equipped to guide us through these difficult emotions and fears. After all, fearing loss just shows how deeply we care for our loved ones – it’s a testament to the strength of our bonds.

Personal Stories: Experiences with the Fear of Loss

Let’s dive into some real-life narratives that reflect this intense fear of losing someone dear. You’ll find that it’s a universal emotion, cutting across cultures and geographies.

My first encounter with this dread unfolded in my teenage years. My mother, the pillar of our home, was diagnosed with a serious illness. I’d always considered her invincible, but suddenly there she was – vulnerable and frail. It wasn’t just about possibly losing her; it was the prospect of seeing her strength wane that terrified me more.

Another incident took place during my college years when my best friend decided to move abroad for further studies. We’d been inseparable since kindergarten, sharing secrets and dreams. The thought of not having him around sent chills down my spine. It felt like a part of me would be missing forever.

Fast forward to adulthood where I met love in its most profound form – through my partner. Our bond grew stronger each day until life threw us a curveball we weren’t prepared for – an opportunity overseas for them which meant long-distance for us. The mere idea brought sleepless nights filled with anxiety and worry – what if distance did make hearts grow fonder…for someone else?

Finally, let’s talk about parenthood – a joy like no other yet fraught with constant fears about your child’s safety and well-being. From worrying about their first solo walk to school to fretting over their late-night partying as teens – the fear never really subsides; it only morphs into different forms as they grow older.

In each story you’ll notice similar elements – deep affection intertwined with an agonizing fear of loss or separation; an emotional cocktail that shakes us up inside out but also helps us appreciate our relationships even more.

Conclusion: Overcoming the Fear of Losing Someone You Love

It’s natural to fear losing someone you love. We’re all human, and that worry comes with the territory of caring deeply about another person. But it shouldn’t consume us nor dictate how we live our lives.

First off, remember that anxiety and fear are part of life. There’s no way around them, but there are ways to manage them effectively. Implementing a daily mindfulness practice can help regulate these emotions. Techniques like meditation or yoga have proven beneficial in reducing stress and fostering a sense of peace.

Secondly, open communication is key in any relationship. Discuss your fears with your loved ones rather than keeping them bottled up inside. It’s likely they share similar concerns and having an open dialogue can bring you closer together.

Lastly, focusing on the present moment is crucial. The future is uncertain, but worrying about it won’t change anything aside from adding unnecessary stress to your life.

Consider this:

• Engage in activities you enjoy with those you love.
• Express gratitude for the time spent together.
• Learn to trust more in your relationships.

In essence, overcoming the fear of losing someone isn’t about ignoring or suppressing your feelings—it’s about acknowledging them and learning how to cope constructively so they don’t take over your life.

Remember—fear stems from uncertainty; it’s not indicative of what will happen in reality. So next time fear creeps its head into your thoughts, remind yourself that worrying today won’t change tomorrow’s outcome—it’ll only steal today’s joy.

And yes—you’re stronger than you think! You’ve faced challenges before and come out on top—and when it comes down to it—I’m confident that if necessity dictated—you’d be able to do so again.

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Fear of Losing Someone You Love: Reasons, Signs & Ways to Cope

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

Relationships bring love and joy, but they can also trigger the fear of losing someone dear. In this article, we explore why this fear arises, its signs, and coping strategies.

The fear of losing someone you love stems from our need for connection and past experiences of loss or dependency. Change and life’s uncertainty can also fuel this fear.

Recognize signs like excessive worrying, clinginess, and avoidance. Cope by building resilience, practicing self-care, and fostering open communication. Embrace the present and find healthy ways to manage anxiety. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

What is the fear of losing someone you love called?

The fear of losing someone you love is commonly referred to as “separation anxiety.” It’s a natural and deeply human emotion that arises from our strong attachment and fear of being separated from those who hold significant importance in our lives.

On the other hand, the phobia for losing someone you love to death or experiencing extreme anxiety about death is known as Thanatophobia. This intense fear can have a crippling effect on daily life, disrupting one’s well-being and causing unhealthy distress.

Causes of the fear of losing someone you love

The fear of losing someone you love can stem from various causes, each deeply rooted in our human experiences and emotions. Past experiences of loss, abandonment, or a sense of dependency can contribute to this fear. 

Additionally, the fear may be intensified by a fear of change, the unpredictability of life , or a deep attachment to the person. Understanding these causes can help us navigate and address this fear with empathy and self-compassion.

7 reasons behind the fear of losing someone you love

There could be many reasons why you experience the fear of losing a loved one. Here are some common ones.

1. Trauma or bad experiences

The fear of losing someone in a relationship can erupt from negative past experiences.

If you had a traumatic experience in a relationship, it impacts you psychologically. You might start to fear being in a relationship because you might think they will leave.

Maybe you had a toxic relationship and have started looking at all relationships through that lens. You might fear it will happen again, which might impact your decisions. 

According to Grady Shumway , a licensed mental health counselor:

The fear of losing someone in a relationship can be rooted in past traumatic experiences. If you’ve endured a toxic relationship or other negative experiences, it can shape your perception and create a fear of abandonment or loss in future relationships. Processing these past experiences can help mitigate their impact on current and future relationships.

2. Insecurity

The fear of losing someone you love in a relationship can also be a result of insecurity.

When people are not confident enough or may feel not good enough for their partner, they experience fear of losing someone. 

Maybe you belittle yourself or think you don’t deserve love. These thoughts can make you fear losing a loved one. 

3. Their treatment towards you

Fear of losing someone you love also arises when someone mistreats you . You keep succumbing to their toxicity because you keep hoping they will change, but their behavior makes you feel insecure, and you fear losing them.

 4. Uncertainty and change

Life’s unpredictability and the fear of change can contribute to the fear of losing someone. The fear of the unknown and the potential disruption to familiar routines and dynamics can create anxiety.

5. Dependency and reliance

The fear of losing loved ones can be a consequence of over-dependency. Relying heavily on someone for emotional support and fulfillment can magnify the fear of losing them. The idea of losing that source of support and stability can be overwhelming and unsettling.

Just as Grady Shumway explains:

The fear of losing loved ones can intensify with over-dependency, where reliance on someone for emotional support and fulfillment amplifies the anxiety of losing them. This reliance can make the prospect of losing that support and stability feel especially daunting and unsettling.

7 signs that you are experiencing the fear of losing someone

Worried if you have unhealthy thoughts about the fear of losing a loved one?

Here are the signs to watch out for when experiencing the phobia of losing someone you love.

1. You become preoccupied with thoughts of losing them

This is usually the start of having unhealthy thoughts of losing the people you love. While it’s normal to think about this once in a while, it becomes unhealthy when, upon waking up, you already imagine situations where you might lose the people you love.

You begin your day, and you notice that you start to associate the fear of losing someone with everything around you.

You watch the news, and you put yourself in that situation. You hear that something terrible has happened to your friend, and you begin associating this same event with yourself.

These thoughts may start as minor details, but you will become occupied with these intrusions over time.

2. You tend to become overprotective 

Once you start feeling anxious about losing the people you love, you become overprotective to the point that you can already be irrational.

You stop allowing your partner to ride his motorcycle, fearing that the person you love would encounter an accident.

You start calling your partner now and then to check if everything is alright, or you start to panic and have anxiety attacks if your partner fails to answer your chats or calls.

3. You start pushing the people you love away

While some people can be overprotective and manipulative, others can do the opposite.

The feeling of dread of losing the one you love can escalate to the point that you want to distance yourself from everyone.

For some, learning how to deal with losing the love of your life can be unbearable.

You start to avoid any form of closeness, intimacy and even love to make sure that you shield yourself from the pain of loss. 

4. You face overwhelming anxiety

Experiencing intense anxiety, panic attacks, or a constant feeling of unease when separated from your loved one, even for short periods of time.

5. You sense loss of enjoyment

Finding it difficult to enjoy activities or engage in hobbies independently, as the fear of losing your loved one overshadows other aspects of life.  

11 ways on how you can cope with the fear of losing someone

Yes, you are scared, and the fear of being left behind is horrible. But how to overcome fear of losing someone.

It’s hard to accept that sometimes, the person you love the most is gone, and learning how to cope with losing the love of your life or even the thought of it is hard.

This thought can strip you of your happiness and can even lead to depression.

But would you instead eliminate your chance of being happy over the feeling of loss that hasn’t happened yet?

If you want to start dealing with the fear of losing someone, then check out these ways on how you can start living your life without death anxiety.

1. The fear of losing someone you love is normal

We are all capable of loving, and when we love, we also feel scared that we might lose the person we cherish. It’s normal to feel scared sometimes.

Most people have also dealt with loss in their lives, and this fear never goes away. That’s how we can empathize with other people.

Start with validating the emotion that you are feeling. Start by telling yourself it’s okay and normal to feel this way.

2. Put yourself first

Understandably, we tend to get used to someone being there for us and loving us. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings that we could ever have.

However, we should also know that nothing is permanent. That’s why our happiness shouldn’t depend on another person.

If you lose this person, will you also lose the will to live?

The fear of losing someone is hard, but it’s harder to lose yourself in loving another person too much. 

3. Accept loss

Acceptance can do so much in one’s life. Even when you’re stuck wondering how to deal with the fear of losing someone.

Once you begin practicing acceptance, life becomes better. This is also effective when dealing with the loss of a relationship.

Though, you have to remember that acceptance will need time. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just remember that death is a part of life.

4. Write a diary

When you start feeling death anxiety or that overall feeling of fear, start to write them down. 

Start a diary, and don’t be afraid to write down what you are feeling and a list of all of the extreme emotions and thoughts that you are having. 

After every entry, list what you can do to help yourself accept that loss is a part of life. 

You can also start putting notes on what helped you overcome these thoughts, and you can reflect on them when you need to. 

5. Talk about your worries

Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner.

You are in a relationship, and the person who should know your worry is none other than your partner.

Your partner can help you by listening to your worries and assuring you that no one is in control of everything. Having someone to talk to and having someone who understands can mean a lot.

6. Know you can’t control everything

Life happens. Whatever you do, you can’t control everything. You’re just giving yourself a hard time.

The sooner you accept that you can’t control everything, the sooner you will learn how to cope up with that fear.

Start by letting go of what you can’t control. 

Then, the next step is to focus on the things you can control. For example, you can control how you can react to certain situations. 

Do you want to live a life of constant fear?

7. You’re not alone

Aside from talking to your partner, you can also talk to your family. In fact, this is the time when you need your family beside you.

Dealing with anxiety is never easy.

That is why having a strong support system will help you overcome the fear of losing the people that you love.

8. Live your life

Having the constant fear of losing the people that you love will stop you from living your life.

Can you see yourself surrounded by the four corners of fear, uncertainty, anxiety, and sadness?

Instead, try your best to overcome death anxiety and start living your life to the fullest. Make memories, tell the people you cherish how much you love them, and be happy. 

Don’t dwell on situations that haven’t happened yet.

9. Mindfulness can help a lot

Are you familiar with mindfulness?

It’s a great practice that we should all start learning. It helps us to stay in the present moment and not dwell on the uncertainty of our future.

We can no longer change our past, so why stay there? We are not yet in the future, and we don’t know what will happen then, so why worry about it now?

Start by being grateful for your present time, and allow yourself to enjoy this moment with your loved ones.

10. Help others

By offering help and support to other people dealing with the same problem, you are also giving yourself a chance to heal and be better.

By talking to the people who need it the most, you don’t only offer healing, but you are also building a strong foundation for yourself.

11. Focus on the present moment

Stay grounded in the present by practicing mindfulness. Shift your focus from worrying about the future to appreciating and cherishing the present moments with your loved one.

Some more questions

Relationships can stir up fears and uncertainties. Let’s explore some common questions about the fear of losing someone and discover compassionate answers that provide clarity and support.

Is the fear of losing someone normal?

Yes, the fear of losing someone is a common and normal human experience. Our deep emotional connections can trigger fears of separation and loss, highlighting the importance of the relationship.

Is the fear of losing someone the same as the fear of abandonment?

While related, the fear of losing someone and the fear of abandonment have distinct nuances. The fear of losing someone encompasses a broader range of potential losses, whereas the fear of abandonment specifically focuses on being left behind or rejected.

How does the fear of losing someone you love develop?

The fear of losing someone can develop from various factors, such as past experiences of loss, attachment styles, fear of change, and a strong emotional dependence on the person. Each person’s experiences shape their individual fear.

What can I do to strengthen my relationship and reduce my fear of losing my partner?

Focus on building trust, nurturing open communication, and cultivating a healthy sense of independence within the relationship. Engage in activities that foster connection and support, seek professional help if needed, and practice self-care to alleviate fears.

How do I stop being afraid of losing someone I love?

Addressing the fear involves acknowledging and understanding its roots, practicing self-compassion, challenging negative thoughts, and developing coping mechanisms. Openly communicating with your loved one about your fears can also help build a foundation of reassurance and support.

Look beyond the fear

We will all experience the fear of losing someone we love. It’s natural, and it only means that we can love deeply.

However, if we can no longer control this emotion, it will begin to disrupt our lives and the lives of the people we love.

So try your best to cope with the fear of losing someone you love and, in the process, learn to appreciate the time you have now.

Love deeply and be happy. Don’t regret anything that you are doing for love, and when the time comes that you will face that day, you know that you have done your best and that the memories that you have shared will last a lifetime.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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The Fear of Losing a Loved One

This month's theme here on Anxiety Connection has been about anxieties and fears related to death and dying. Eileen Bailey had offered suggestions for ways to cope with the anxiety caused by grief . And some of you have written questions such as this one, "Can the loss of a loved one create anxiety disorders?" The answer to this question is that grief and anxiety can definitely co-exist at the same time.

I am going to target one specific aspect of such anxiety , and that is the fear that your loved ones will become ill and/or die. I think this is a relatively common fear and one that may appear any time after experiencing grief or a trauma related to loss.

I can personally relate to this fear. Following my father's early death when I was a little girl, I worried incessantly about my mother. She was the only parent I had left, and I remember asking her obsessively if she, too, were going to die. My mother would attempt to reassure me by saying, "I am a tough lady and, no, I am not going to die any time soon." But, while her words gave me a few minutes of solace, the pervasive anxiety I had over losing her would re-emerge with a vengeance and I would be back to ask her the same question. Fortunately she took it in stride and never lost patience or her temper with me.

In the situation where a child loses his or her parent early on, it can have a lifetime effect of anxiety over the possibility of losing anyone else. It also can promote a fear of abandonment. Some children may develop post traumatic stress disorder, where they may replay the memories of the loss in their mind, leading to great distress and anxiety.

One of the current thoughts now is that treating the PTSD is of primary concern over individual grief counseling. I wished that I had received some sort of counseling as a child following my father's death because my anxiety symptoms have continued well into my adulthood.

The way that my anxiety symptoms manifest now is that I worry excessively when anyone in my family is sick. It worries me, especially when my children are sick because I want to protect them from all harm. I don't like feeling powerless when it comes to them.

And then too, I worry when anyone I love is late. As the clock ticks on, I begin to imagine horrific scenes of car accidents or tragedy. When you suffer from such fear, it seems that loss is always right around the corner, ready to take away that which is most precious to you. It can be difficult to feel secure or let your guard down. I can tell you that such anxiety can be very tiresome and energy-sapping. Therapy can absolutely help if you suffer from the fear of loss.

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Here are some things I have learned from my own experience in therapy during my adult years to deal with this type of anxiety:

As much as you would like to be able to control everything, you can't. Letting go of this wish is critical in dealing with your fear. We are vulnerable beings. But this doesn't mean we need to live in fear. It means that we do as the serenity prayer advises: we gain the wisdom to know what we can and cannot control. We have no control over many of life's circumstances, but we always have control over how we cope and persevere.

Realize that death is a part of life. We will lose many loved ones in our lifetime as this is inevitable. But by focusing so much on potential loss, we miss out on life itself. If you are constantly worried or fearful then you will miss those wonderful opportunities to connect with others and to feel joy from those connections.

Trust in your resilience to cope with life's crises. It is true that each one of us will endure life circumstances that may bring us to our knees. But know that it is possible to get up again and also to find the strength and courage to survive.

Some might say that our life is more valuable because we do die. Savor the time you have with your loved ones. Live authentically with the courage to show and express love. Create life-long memories of spending time with those people you care about most.

Write down your fears in a diary or journal. When your fear is kept inside your head it grows to block everything else out. Express yourself in writing and give your emotions a safe outlet. Sometimes seeing your fears by the light of day diminishes their power over you.

If you feel that your fear or anxiety has become disabling in any way, then it is time to seek the help of a good therapist. Find someone who specializes in either PTSD or grief counseling. You don't have to do this alone. There is always support and help available.

It is true that death and dying are an inevitable part of life. We will undoubtedly be faced with multiple losses during our lifetime. But this doesn't mean that we have to surrender the time we have now to fear.

There are ways to cope and diminish the fear and anxiety so that you can focus on the good things in life such as developing meaningful relationships . Nobody has that crystal ball to predict the future. So in the meantime, enjoy and savor all that life does have to offer. Hug your loved ones and friends and be grateful for all that is.

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How To Overcome The Fear of Losing Someone You Love

The fear of losing a loved one is a normal human feeling. But worrying too much about losing someone you love can sometimes mean missing the best moments and memories with them. Also, intense and lingering feelings of fear can result in anxiety that doesn’t stop, regardless of how unlikely it is that you’ll lose the one(s) you love. 

These kinds of feelings are commonly present in new relationships, as well. New relationships are typically less safe than well-established ones, potentially leading to more intense doubts and fears about the relationship’s likelihood of longevity. 

There are many reasons why people experience fear of losing someone they love, and those reasons aren’t always easy to identify clearly. There may be remnants from a past relationship that ended poorly, childhood experiences that make it difficult to trust others, fear of change, and more. Regardless of the reasons, there are ways to overcome your fear of losing someone you love and make space for a healthier, more fulfilling time together.

Acknowledge that you are afraid

The first step to overcoming the fear of losing a loved one is acknowledging that you have that fear. This may lead to exploring why you feel that way and observing the behaviors that may contribute, such as pushing people away or instigating arguments without sufficient cause. The ability to express your fear to yourself and your loved one is a step in the right direction toward overcoming it. 

Adapt and adjust to your emotions

Regardless of our goals, taking risks is often necessary to get what we want. Applying for a new job or trying out for sports, for example. New relationships are no exception. Usually, “playing things safely” and refraining from taking risks in a new relationship can contribute to difficulties and even negate the chance that the relationship will bloom. 

One way to adapt is to take stock of how you currently cope with the fear. Do you try to control the relationship? Do you want it always to be perfect and avoid arguments even when they’re reasonable? 

Loving relationships are often based on accepting the whole person, not just the “good” parts. A surface-level connection isn’t sufficient for a deep and lasting partnership; loving someone might mean taking risks and making yourself vulnerable. 

Process past losses

Resolving negative feelings from past relationships is essential for giving your current relationship the attention it requires to be successful. It isn’t always easy, and recovering after you’ve been hurt often takes time and effort. When we don’t resolve our past relationships, the unhealthy patterns contributing to the problems are more likely to carry over to the current relationship. 

If you are in a new relationship and notice old patterns, it’s best to be open to your partner about them. Explain where your fears are coming from and work together to overcome them. They may be able to help you through the process of acceptance for what happened in the past so you can move on with your current relationship.  

Examine your conflicts

Fear of losing a loved one can often lead to disagreements between couples. When people are insecure and fearful, they often seek reasons to support that fear. Be mindful of how you react to your partner. Do your fears cause you to lash out in any way? If you lash out, your partner might feel justified in retaliating, leading to an argument based on fear and insecurity. Instead, try to express your feelings as they come. Let your partner know you are reacting out of fear and insecurity rather than anger toward them. 

Establish open communication with your partner

The above steps probably won’t be effective if you aren’t willing to communicate with your partner. Make it a priority to have honest conversations about your fears and insecurities. Explain how your past influences you and ask your partner to help you move forward. If they do certain things that add to your insecurity, let them know how their actions affect you. 

And, in turn, listen to their insecurities. If you do certain things that make your partner feel insecure, be ready to accept that you may need to make changes. Relationships thrive the best with communication from both sides, so it’s essential to prohibit your fear from standing in the way of having honest conversations together.

Work through fears of loss in online therapy

The fear of losing a loved one is a common one. Many of us would like to keep our partners around forever, and the thought of breaking up or being separated in any way can be unpleasant. But if we don’t accept that it could happen and are willing to live with that, we start coping in ways that will harm our relationships. That’s why it is so vital that you recognize and then work to overcome your fear.

If you have tried applying the above tips on overcoming the fear of losing your loved one, and you still can’t move past your fear, it may be time to ask for help. Many people find that speaking with a therapist has helped them understand why they have complex feelings and how their attitude toward past relationships affects their current relationships. Therapy is also a great way to explore your relationship as a couple and uncover ways to communicate better.  

Some people don’t seek therapy for relationship problems and/or mental health concerns despite the benefits. The reasons for this are many, including worries over discretion and reluctance to speak to a therapist about sensitive relationship topics in person. It’s also difficult for some to fit therapy into the busy work week or find time to go together in the case of couples therapy. Accessibility may be an issue for people who live in more remote areas where the nearest therapist’s office is too far for convenience. The price of therapy may be a deterrent for some as well.

While there are barriers to treatment, most can be resolved through the convenience of online therapy. Unlike traditional therapy, online therapy allows you to attend sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that works best for you. Online treatment is convenient and more affordable than most traditional therapy without insurance. It’s also as effective as conventional therapy for treating mental health issues like depression and anxiety that impact how we communicate and behave in relationships.

For example, a 2018 publication in Science Direct evaluated the results of 64 trials measuring the effectiveness of online therapy. The report determined that online therapy is an “ effective, acceptable and practical health care for anxiety and depressive disorders.”

If you’re ready to explore your fears about losing your love and learn how to overcome them to have a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, talking to a Regain therapist is an excellent place to begin. The Regain platform connects people with online mental health professionals experienced in helping couples and individuals live healthy, balanced lives.  

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Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

What is the phobia of losing someone you love?

It is a very common human emotion to fear losing someone you love, especially when you are just getting into a romantic relationship. This phobia of losing someone you love is called thanatophobia . Thanatophobia is formed from the greek works thanto, which means death, and phobia, which means fear. Another meaning of thanatophobia is the fear of death, but it can also apply to the fear of losing someone you love. 

The fear of loss is incredibly common in humans. Nearly everybody has an inherent fear of loss because we work so hard to keep the people we love around us. This phobia of losing someone you love is a natural emotion that you shouldn't shy away from. Instead, the best way to get over your phobia of losing someone you love is first to accept that you have fear. Then, learn to adjust your emotions to compensate for the fear of death and loss that you have. Learn to appreciate the good moments even more, rather than waste them worrying about your phobia of losing people. Worrying about losing someone you love can force you to miss the best moments and memories with them. Finally, establish open lines of communication with your loved ones and recognize that loss is a part of life. 

If you find yourself worried about losing someone you love and seriously affecting your life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Dealing with the fear of loss is very difficult, and many types of therapy can help greatly. Losing a loved one is a great burden - don’t let the fear of losing a loved one also be a burden. Love and loss are normal, so don’t let fear stop you from enjoying life.

What is traumatophobia?

Traumatophobia is the “morbid fear of battle or physical injury.” This fear of death, injury, or pain is relatively common. Humans have a natural tendency to fear injury and harm, which stems from the fundamental fear of death and the realization of mortality. This type of phobia can manifest itself in many different ways. For example, someone might be too afraid to drive their car because they fear getting hurt or losing control. This type of fear can be debilitating and hurt your overall quality of life.

If you find yourself morbidly afraid of physical injuries, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Many types of therapy can help you overcome this fear. Don’t be scared of losing control and getting injured; instead, learn how to live your life to the fullest. 

How do you get over the fear of losing someone you love?

Getting over the phobia of losing someone you love is a very difficult task but incredibly important. The phobia of losing someone you love is very natural. You obviously care very deeply about this person and don’t want to live life without them by your side. However, you can’t let this fear of losing control of your life and decision-making. The phobia of losing loved ones can be debilitating and force you to miss out on the great moments that you can have with them. Love and loss are deeply intertwined, and it is important to enjoy the love without being afraid of losing loved ones.

The phobia of losing a loved one is deeply rooted in human psychology, and it isn’t necessarily easy to overcome. The first step to overcoming the phobia of losing a loved one is acknowledging that the fear exists. Understand that you are afraid of losing a loved one and that those emotions are natural and justifiable. Then, you need to adjust your emotions and thinking to accommodate that fear of the death of a loved one. Learn to appreciate the current moments without letting your fear of loss distract you. Finally, open lines of communication are key to getting you the support and love that you need to stop worrying about losing loved ones. 

What causes thanatophobia?

Thanatophobia can be caused by many different things and is a fairly common phobia. This phobia of losing life makes sense - all humans have to grapple with their mortality, which is incredibly difficult to do. Being afraid of losing your life doesn’t make you weak. Rather, it’s about finding productive ways to control this fear and live your life to the fullest.

Some of the common causes of thanatophobia include a singular traumatic event, usually from childhood. This can manifest itself as a phobia of losing a life. Other causes include aging, other mental illnesses, or PTSD. Being afraid of losing life is natural. Love and loss are natural. The best thing to do is to acknowledge this fear and learn to adjust your emotions to enjoy every happy moment rather than fear a potentially bad moment down the line. 

What is the #1 phobia?

The most common phobia in America is the fear of public speaking . There are plenty of other phobias that are very common, though. The phobia of losing a loved one is very common, as well as the phobia of losing a life. If you find yourself incredibly worried about losing a loved one, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist. Speaking to a mental health expert can help you better understand your fears and emotions. With better understanding comes more appreciation and the ability to enjoy life to a greater degree.

Why do I fear losing someone?  How can I stop being scared of losing someone? Why do I fear losing my loved ones? What is the fear of losing a relationship? Is the fear of losing someone anxiety? 

What are things i can do to help me stop worrying about losing those i love, what is the impact of losing someone you love, how does it feel to lose someone you care so much about, what are the different emotions that you feel when you lose someone , what are some effective tips to help you move forward from loss.

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Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one

Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits.

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of us face. When we lose a spouse, sibling or parent our grief can be particularly intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but we can still be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness or depression. The sadness typically diminishes in intensity as time passes, but grieving is an important process in order to overcome these feelings and continue to embrace the time you had with your loved one.

Everyone reacts differently to death and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. It may take months or a year to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Don’t expect to pass through phases of grief either, as research suggests that most people do not go through stages as progressive steps.

If your relationship with the deceased was difficult, this will also add another dimension to the grieving process. It may take some time and thought before you are able to look back on the relationship and adjust to the loss.

Human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives. But some people may struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel unable to carry out daily activities. Individuals with severe grief or complicated grief could benefit from the help of a psychologist or another licensed mental health professional with a specialization in grief.

Moving on with life

Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that it can also be the catalyst for a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction to life.

Grieving individuals may find it helpful to use some of the following strategies to help them process and come to terms with loss:

• Talk about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues in order to help you understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Avoidance can lead to isolation and will disrupt the healing process with your support systems.
• Accept your feelings . You may experience a wide range of emotions from sadness, anger or even exhaustion. All of these feelings are normal and it’s important to recognize when you are feeling this way. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by these emotions, it may be helpful to talk with a licensed psychologist or other mental health professional who can help you cope with your feelings and find ways to get back on track.
• Take care of yourself and your family . Eating healthy foods, exercising and getting plenty of sleep can help your physical and emotional health. The grieving process can take a toll on one’s body.  Make sure you check in with your loved ones and that they are taking the necessary healthy steps to maintain their health.
• Reach out and help others dealing with the loss . Spending time with loved ones of the deceased can help everyone cope. Whether it’s sharing stories or listening to your loved one’s favorite music, these small efforts can make a big difference to some. Helping others has the added benefit of making you feel better as well.
• Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones . Anniversaries of a lost loved one can be a difficult time for friends and family, but it can also be a time for remembrance and honoring them. It may be that you decide to collect donations to a favorite charity of the deceased, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you to honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you.

How psychologists can help

Psychologists are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional. Psychologists can help people build their resilience and develop strategies to get through their sadness. Practicing psychologists use a variety of evidence-based treatments — most commonly psychotherapy — to help people improve their lives. Psychologists, who have doctoral degrees, receive one of the highest levels of education of any health care professional.

This article was adapted from a March 2011 post by Katherine C. Nordal, PhD.

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How To Overcome The Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Ever feel scared of losing someone you really care about? Well yeah, that’s tough. It’s like carrying a big, heavy rock in your heart. But guess what? You’re not the only one who feels this way. Everyone gets scared of losing someone at some point. It’s a heavy feeling that can make everything else seem harder. But don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. In this blog, we’re going to look at why this fear feels so big and what we can do to feel better . We’ll talk about ways to share how you’re feeling, build trust, and find your own strength. Plus, we’ll share some tips on making your relationships stronger and happier, keeping those scary feelings away. If you’re ready to overcome this fear of losing someone you love and find some peace, you’re in the right place. Let’s get started!

• 1 Why Do We Fear Losing Loved Ones?
• 2 Recognizing the Signs of Fear of Losing Someone You Love 
• 3.1 Talk About It
• 3.2 Focus on the Present
• 3.3 Build Your Confidence
• 3.4 Learn to Let Go
• 3.5 Seek Support
• 4 Some Other Ways That May Help You!
• 5 Conclusion

Why Do We Fear Losing Loved Ones?

But then, the scary thoughts come.

• What if they leave?
• What if we argue and can’t fix it?
• What if something happens and they can’t be around anymore?

Now these thoughts can make us feel scared.

This feeling has a name, by the way—it’s called “thanatophobia,” which is a fancy word for the fear of losing someone you love or the fear of death . It sounds a bit technical, but knowing there’s a word for it shows just how common this fear is

Everyone has their reasons for feeling this way. Maybe you’ve lost someone you cared about a lot, and it was really tough. Or you see others losing their close ones and start to worry that could happen to you too.

It’s totally normal to feel this fear because it shows we really care about the people in our lives. But it’s also important to find ways to manage this fear so it doesn’t stop us from enjoying our time with them.

Recognizing the Signs of Fear of Losing Someone You Love 

Some signs that fear might be affecting your relationship include:

• Clinginess : This is when you want to be with the person all the time. It’s like you feel if you’re not close to them constantly, something bad might happen, or they might drift away.
• Jealousy : Feeling jealous can be a sign that you’re scared of losing someone. It’s like when a friend hangs out with someone else, and you worry they might like them more than you.
• Avoiding Deep Commitments : Sometimes, when we’re scared, we might avoid making big commitments. It’s like not wanting to climb higher because you’re afraid of how hard the fall could be.

Recognizing these signs in yourself is super important. It’s the first step in understanding what’s really going on inside you and starting to work on it.

How Can You Overcome This Fear of Losing Someone?

Getting over the fear of losing someone you love isn’t like flipping a switch to turn off a light. It’s more like learning to ride a bike. At the start, you might be really scared of falling off. But the more you practice, the better you get at balancing, and soon, you’re riding without even thinking about falling.

Here are some steps to help you start overcoming this fear:

Talk About It

Just like sharing a secret can make it feel less heavy, talking about your fears with someone you trust can help a lot. If you’re scared of losing someone in your relationship, try to have an open conversation with them about how you’re feeling.

Focus on the Present

Worrying about what might happen in the future can take away from the good times you’re having now. Try to enjoy the moments you spend with your loved ones, just like soaking in the sun on a really good day.

Build Your Confidence

Sometimes, fear comes from feeling like we’re not enough. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself, like picking up a new hobby or setting small goals, can help build your confidence and make the fear smaller.

Learn to Let Go

This might sound scary, but learning to accept that we can’t control everything is a big step. It’s like letting go of the edge of the pool slowly while learning to swim. You realize you can float and swim on your own.

Seek Support

Platforms like MantraCare and TherapyMantra are great places to start. They offer access to professional therapists who understand what you’re going through and can work with you to overcome these fears. Whether you’re looking for someone to talk to, strategies to manage your anxiety , or ways to build stronger, more secure relationships, these platforms can connect you with the right help.

Remember, overcoming the fear of losing someone you love takes time and patience with yourself. It’s about taking small steps, just like learning to swim, until one day, you find yourself enjoying the water without fear.

Some Other Ways That May Help You!

• Practice Mindfulness : Mindfulness helps you stay in the moment instead of worrying about the future. Simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or even mindful walking can help calm your mind and reduce fears about loss.
• Limit Social Media Consumption : Sometimes, seeing the perfect images and stories of others can feed into our fears and insecurities . Taking breaks from social media can help lessen these fears and keep you grounded in your own reality.
• Set Healthy Boundaries : This involves understanding and communicating your needs in relationships. Healthy boundaries help you feel more secure and reduce the fear of unexpected loss.
• Engage in Self-Reflection : Spend some time with yourself, maybe through journaling or quiet contemplation, to understand why this fear is so strong. Knowing the root cause can be enlightening and the first step towards healing.
• Diversify Your Emotional Investments : Putting all your emotional eggs in one basket can be risky. Try to find joy and fulfillment in various aspects of life like friendships, hobbies, and personal achievements. This can reduce the pressure on any single relationship and help balance your emotions.

Remember, overcoming a deep-seated fear is a journey, not a race. It’s about making gradual progress and being kind to yourself along the way.

Fear of losing a loved one can cast a long shadow over your relationships, filling them with anxiety and uncertainty. However, with the right guidance and help, you can surely overcome this fear. Recognizing that you need support is a brave and important first step towards healing and strengthening your connections with those around you.

At MantraCare, we understand the complexities of these fears and the impact they can have on your life. Our experienced therapists specialize in online relationship counseling , offering a compassionate and understanding approach to help you navigate through your concerns. By booking a trial therapy session , you’re taking a significant step towards dispelling the shadows of fear and moving into a brighter, more secure relational future.

For more information and to begin your journey to overcoming the fear of losing someone you love, please contact MantraCare. Let us support you in building stronger, more resilient relationships.

Mantra Care aims at providing affordable, accessible, and professional health care treatment to people across the globe.

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How to Overcome the Fear of Losing Someone

No one wants to think about losing their loved ones. 

While we are all aware of our mortality, and the mortality of those close to us, it’s not something that anyone likes to dwell on. 

However, if you struggle with a consistent fear of losing someone, it can impact your every interaction and can have a profound effect on your relationship behaviors. So, is worrying about losing someone normal? And if it’s impacting your daily life, how do you cope? 

We look into the human fear of loss, and how to develop healthy coping strategies with the help of the experts in our in-depth guide. 

What is a fear of losing someone? 

The fear of losing someone is more than just a passing thought or worry, it denotes a strain of death anxiety known as ‘Thantophobia’. These fears become so intense that they impact daily life, crippling your well-being, and affecting your behaviors in relationships. 

No one wants to think about dying, or one’s loved ones passing on, and these worries are a normal part of life especially since we are all faced with our own mortality at one point or another. 

To understand the depth of Thanatophobia, it’s helpful to dive into the extensive research on the topic — helping us to understand the impact of these fears. 

The most commonly referenced research is the  Collett–Lester Fear of Death Scale (CLFD) , which believed that one’s fear of death is directly correlated with the fear of others dying. However,  recent research shows that this isn’t always true and that your fear of losing someone else isn’t tied to your fear of death. 

For example, those who have a low fear of their death are almost equally likely to be high in fear of others or others dying. 

Therefore, looking at death anxiety as primarily self-directed is too limited a view, with the fear of losing someone else producing equally as impactful side effects. 

While grief is a natural part of life, causing us all to be confronted with our own mortality, people who struggle with thanatophobia will have a  different response to the loss of a loved one compared to those with a neutral acceptance of death.  Further research found that participants experiencing complicated grief had significantly higher death anxiety compared to participants without complicated grief. 

By considering all of this research, the importance of finding healthy ways to deal with death anxiety is further highlighted, so you can spare yourself this prolonged grieving process — and live a life without fear of an inevitable fact. 

What causes this fear of losing someone? 

There are many common causes of this heightened feeling of death anxiety, with the inevitability of our own ending as an inescapable fact of life. 

However, there are also other triggers and root causes for a more present and debilitating form of death anxiety. 

Trauma: Many traumatic experiences can bring the concept of death to the forefront of our minds. For example, a near-death experience, the loss of a family member or loved one, or a personal experience of illness that made you feel close to death. 

Anxiety disorders: Mental health is very closely tied to the concept of thanatophobia, as certain anxiety disorders heighten these feelings. People who struggle with generalized anxiety disorder or other mental health disorders are more likely to struggle with thanatophobia. 

Loss of a loved one:  If you lose someone you love, it will naturally bring the fear of death to the forefront of your mind. As you struggle through grief, it can trigger fears about the loss of other loved ones and can lead to several symptoms. 

Illness:  If you or someone you love is ill, it can trigger a fear of the worst, as you worry that recovery isn’t possible. These fears were incredibly heightened by the pandemic, as many people suffered from fears about contracting the virus and the effects of it long-term. 

Existential concerns: As you get older, you are naturally more aware of your own mortality, and may spend a lot of time thinking about death. While some people find it easier to make peace with it, others can suffer greatly from these fears. 

Religious beliefs: Certain religions heavily emphasize the punishment of the afterlife, or instill a fear of death into their practitioners. 

Is it normal to fear losing someone? 

It’s completely normal to worry about losing someone that you love. 

“The fear of losing someone is a universal human experience that can profoundly impact our relationships and well-being,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert. 

“Whether triggered by past experiences, uncertainties about the future, or the vulnerabilities of deep emotional connection, these fears can feel debilitating if left unmanaged.” 

While death anxiety is the most common form of these fears, many people in romantic relationships are afraid that their partner will walk away one day and leave them behind. Instead of worrying about death, many people are consumed by the fear that their partner will fall out of love, be unfaithful, or leave them. 

These fears are commonly attributed to your attachment style, with people with an anxious attachment being most prone to these thoughts. While reassurance can help with this strain of anxiety, it’s important to devise greater coping strategies so it doesn’t impact your daily life.

Symptoms of thanatophobia 

Extreme fear of death:  While everyone is wired to fear death, and to fight for survival, thantotophobia manifests as a very extreme fear of death. This may lead to avoidance behaviors, such as a refusal to discuss death, to attend hospitals, or funerals. 

Preoccupation with mortality: If you struggle with death anxiety, you might find you’re constantly thinking about your own mortality. This goes beyond the normal thought, but a prolonged occupation with the fact that no one can live forever. 

Intrusive thoughts: Death anxiety can manifest as constant intrusive thoughts, with thoughts of death corrupting your daily life. This can include persistent images of thoughts about the death of their loved one. 

Physical symptoms: There are many physical symptoms of thanatophobia including panic attacks, increased heart rate, dizziness, sweating, and nausea. These debilitating symptoms can signal the need for professional help. 

Struggles with daily life:  With a combination of these symptoms, it can be very difficult to go about your daily life. These fears can also have an extensive impact on your relationships, as you might struggle with separation anxiety from your loved one — as you are preoccupied with a fear of losing them. 

Effects of thanatophobia on relationships

While the fear of losing someone is normal, extreme death anxiety can affect every new relationship and interaction.

If you struggle to let go of these fears, it can be overwhelming not only for you but also for those you love. 

“Understanding the complex intersection of emotion, thought, and behavior is critical in examining how thanatophobia impacts relationships,” says Caruso. 

“Emotionally, individuals grappling with the fear of losing a loved one often experience heightened anxiety and stress. These emotional states can fuel intrusive thoughts about potential loss, leading to patterns of overprotective behavior.”

As death anxiety fuels these fears, it can serve to push people away as they interpret these behaviors as clinginess or obsessiveness. 

“This protective stance, intended to mitigate fears, can paradoxically strain communication and deepen emotional distance between partners, fueling dependence or clinginess to overcompensate for the disconnection,” says Caruso. 

Therefore, your fear of losing someone can result in losing them from your life.

What are coping mechanisms for dealing with the fear of losing someone? 

With so much at stake, it’s important to seek help if death anxiety is having such a profound impact on your life and relationships. 

“Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences with thanatophobia,” says Caruso. 

“How has this fear impacted your relationships, thoughts, and behaviors? Recognizing the patterns and triggers associated with thanatophobia can be a powerful first step toward personal growth and resilience. Through self-awareness and introspection, you can begin to develop strategies for managing these fears in constructive ways.” 

Remember, for the sake of your own health, it’s important to reach out to a trusted friend or to seek professional help to navigate these fears. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy, or other types of therapy or psychotherapy can be incredibly beneficial when developing healing strategies. 

According to Caruso, coping mechanisms for dealing with the fear of losing someone, or thanatophobia, focus on fostering emotional resilience and promoting healthier relationship dynamics. Here are several effective strategies:

Mindfulness and grounding techniques can help individuals stay present and manage anxious thoughts about potential loss. Deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises (like focusing on senses or surroundings) are all tools that can provide a sense of calm and control.

Openly sharing fears and concerns with your partner or a trusted person can alleviate the burden of anxiety. Honest and open communication fosters understanding and strengthens emotional bonds, reducing the isolation often associated with thanatophobia.

Challenge and reframe negative thought patterns  associated with the fear of loss. Instead of catastrophizing future scenarios, focus on realistic outcomes and coping strategies. Cognitive-behavioral techniques, guided by a therapist, can help in this process.

Actively work on building trust within the relationship through consistent support, reliability, and reassurance. Establishing routines and rituals that reinforce commitment and stability can help alleviate fears of abandonment.

Prioritize self-care activities that promote emotional well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with supportive friends and family. Investing in personal growth and maintaining a sense of identity outside the relationship can strengthen resilience.

Seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor specializing in anxiety or relationship issues can provide personalized strategies and tools to manage thanatophobia. Therapy can help explore underlying fears, develop coping skills, and improve overall relationship dynamics.

Cultivate gratitude for the present moment and the positive aspects of your relationship. Regularly expressing appreciation and affection can reinforce connection and reduce fears of loss.

Acknowledge that fears of loss are natural but need not dominate your thoughts or actions. Embracing uncertainty as part of life's journey can reduce the grip of thanatophobia and allow for more authentic, less fear-driven relationships.

Remember that these fears will not disappear overnight, it’s about working towards making these thoughts and anxieties more manageable over time. 

“Above all, remember that overcoming thanatophobia is a journey marked by progress and resilience,” says Caruso.  

“By confronting fears with courage and commitment, you can transform your relationships into sources of comfort, security, and joy. Embrace the journey toward emotional freedom and deeper connection, knowing that each step forward brings you closer to a more fulfilling and enriching life with your loved ones.” 

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How to Overcome the Fear of Losing a Loved One

Last Updated: July 29, 2024 Approved

This article was co-authored by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT . Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 11 testimonials and 84% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 239,436 times.

Losing a loved one is hard, no matter what the circumstances. Overcoming the fear of losing loved ones is a very personal experience. Luckily there are research-based techniques that can help such as thinking realistically about death, coping with the fear of loss, and receiving social support.

Thinking Realistically about Death

• Know that you are not alone. Other people can empathize with your situation because they have probably dealt with a similar issue. If you feel comfortable, you can share you feelings with others that have dealt with loss and this can help you have a sense that you are supported and validated in your feelings.
• Validate your own fears and feelings. Say to yourself, “It is okay to be fearful or sad. These are normal responses to the situation.”

• Think of everything you can control about the situation. For example, you can control your own behaviors – what you chose to do about the situation. You can focus on doing your best to comfort and care for your loved one. You can also focus on soothing yourself and expressing your own emotions with loved ones in order to process your grief.
• Let go of what you cannot control. Visualization and imagery can help use gain perspective on what we can and cannot control. Imagine placing your fears on leaves that are floating down a river. Watch them as they drift away.
• Set your limits. If you are caring for a loved one who is ill, this can cause a variety of extra challenges including stretched limits, anxiety, and depressed mood. [5] X Research source Only do what you can do, and set aside time to take care of yourself. You may need to set boundaries with others in order to preserve this time alone.
• Use mindfulness to pay attention to the present moment. We fear because we are thinking about the future and what might happen instead of focusing on the here-and-now and what you can do with this moment. Take charge of what is happening right now (as you are doing by reading this)!

• You can begin to practice acceptance by making a list of all of the difficult emotions and thoughts that coincide with the fear of losing your loved one. Write down your most intimate thoughts and fears and accept each one. You can say to yourself, "I accept my fear and pain. I accept that I might lose this person some day. It will be hard, but I accept that loss is a part of life."
• Remind yourself that death is a part of life. Unfortunately, loss is also something that almost everyone deals with in their lifetime.

• One way to think positively about the world is to recognize the circle of life and that both life and death are natural. In order for there to be life, there must be death. Try to see the beauty in both life and death. The life cycle is an amazing thing that we can learn to appreciate and be thankful for. When one person dies, another can live.
• Practice gratitude. Say something to yourself like, "I may lose my loved one, but at least right now I have the time to spend with them. I will focus on this and be grateful for this time that I have. I am so thankful for each moment I get to spend with them." We can also choose to be grateful that we all, including our loved ones, have the chance to experience life.
• If your loved one is in pain, you can focus on the idea that after they pass there will be no more suffering. You could focus on the fact that regardless of their (and your) beliefs, they will be resting in peace.

Coping with the Fear of Loss

• People typically have ways to cope with certain emotions such as fear, loss, grief and depressed mood. Some examples of positive ways of coping with fear of losing a loved one include exercise, writing, art, nature activities, spiritual/religious behaviors (such as prayer) and music.
• Deal with your feelings appropriately; allow yourself to feel them and let them out if you need to. Higher depression levels (prior to the death of a loved one) may indicate a better adjustment to loss once the loss occurs. Crying can be a healthy and normal release of pent up sadness and fear.
• Keep a fear journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about losing your loved one.

• Sit or lie down in a comfortable place and position. Breathe deeply and slowly in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth. Concentrate solely on your breathing pattern. Pay attention to your stomach/diaphragm as it moves in and out as you breathe.

• Be more independent and plan for a life of independence.
• Trust that it will get easier and you will be able to cope with it.

• Remember that you are a valuable member of society. Focus on what you do that contributes to the world. Do you help others? Are you kind to strangers? Do you donate to a charity or volunteer your time? Acknowledging these attributes can help you realize that you have a purpose, and can continue that purpose despite losing your loved one. You can even dedicate certain activities or projects to your loved one in the future.
• Try to create meaning in death. An example of creating meaning out of passing away is that death is necessary for life, or that death is simply a gateway to another dimension or reality (such as belief in an afterlife). What does death mean to you? Will your loved one live on in an afterlife? Will you loved one live on in the memories of their loved ones? Or, will their contribution to society live on?

• If you aren't religious or do not believe in a divine creator, you can focus on a higher power such as nature (the moon and ocean are very powerful). A higher power can also be a group of people (since groups can be more powerful than one person).
• Write a letter to your higher power expressing your fears about losing your loved one.
• Pray to your higher power about your feelings and thoughts. Ask for the outcome that you desire (for your loved one to make it through, or for your loved one to not suffer, etc).

Increasing Social Support

• Talk to your loved one about shared memories, as well as what you appreciate about them.
• Make sure you emphasize how you feel about your loved one. Tell them you love them.
• These end-of-life conversations can be very difficult, but you want to make sure you get what you want to convey across so that you don't have regrets. You can try writing down what you what to convey to your loved one before you tell them.

• If you feel the need to talk to a family member or friend, consider asking them. Chances are, you aren't the only person who needs comforting. [8] X Research source
• Surround yourself with family members and create unity through talking about shared memories or engaging in activities together.

• If you are religious or spiritual, try talking to your service leaders to comfort you and help find some appropriate prayers.

• Talk to Your Children About Death. If you have children, make sure to spend some special time talking about the subject of passing on. Most public libraries will have children's books to help you and your children with the subject in a graceful manner.

• Focus on the fact that your relationship and connection with this person can never die.

Expert Q&A

• If you feel like crying, do so. It is a human biological response and it can be embraced in your time of need. Thanks Helpful 7 Not Helpful 1
• Similarly, if you need to surround yourself by distractions from the current events with things such as comedy, friends untouched by the loss, etc. feel free to indulge in this once in a while as well. Thanks Helpful 6 Not Helpful 1

• While this is a very personal time in your life as well as those surrounding you, others may not share your need in crying or laughing. If this is the case, perhaps find a private space or one removed from other grievers in order to complete your personal experience. Thanks Helpful 40 Not Helpful 6

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• ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Debra_Bath/publication/259986496_Separation_from_loved_ones_in_the_fear_of_death/links/004635302abf3ac3e5000000.pdf
• ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
• ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Serge-Dumont-2/publication/6876410_Caring_for_a_Loved_One_with_Advanced_Cancer_Determinants_of_Psychological_Distress_in_Family_Caregivers/links/02e7e536667d2c0a01000000/Caring-for-a-Loved-One-with-Advanced-Cancer-Determinants-of-Psychological-Distress-in-Family-Caregivers.pdf
• ↑ https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/record.jsf;jsessionid=UIgrbUD45CXXe0B3-uBNuYWdxNV13gvb7BiaJO-E.diva2-search7-vm?pid=diva2%3A421343&dswid=-2932
• ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Holly-Prigerson/publication/6755713_Preparing_Caregivers_for_the_Death_of_a_Loved_One_A_Theoretical_Framework_and_Suggestions_for_Future_Research/links/00463516c40bf39699000000/Preparing-Caregivers-for-the-Death-of-a-Loved-One-A-Theoretical-Framework-and-Suggestions-for-Future-Research.pdf
• ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Gilad-Hirschberger/publication/10902917_The_Existential_Function_of_Close_Relationships_Introducing_Death_Into_the_Science_of_Love/links/0912f50a3b91913721000000/The-Existential-Function-of-Close-Relationships-Introducing-Death-Into-the-Science-of-Love.pdf

About This Article

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The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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If you’re having difficulty overcoming the fear of losing a loved one, try to find ways to accept loss as a part of life and work on coping with your emotions. Tell yourself that feeling fearful about death is normal, since accepting your feelings as valid can help you manage them. Do this by saying something to yourself like, “It is OK to be fearful or sad. These are normal feelings that everyone experiences.” If you feel comfortable talking to others about your feelings, share them with a friend or family member, since almost everyone will have dealt with similar fears at some point. To cope with your feelings, take long, deep breaths, which will help reduce your heart rate so you can get your fear and panic under control. Find healthy ways to let out your fear by exercising, creating art, or writing in a journal. For tips from our Relationship co-author on how to keep your relationship with your loved one alive, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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• Fear Of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love

Last Updated: 15-06-2023

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Fear of losing someone ( Thanatophobia )

Fear of losing someone you love or someone close to you can sometimes develop as an irrational thought or visualization of what will happen if the loved one disappears or die. This thought sometimes impacts daily life, and the present moment and cripples the thinking process. The fear of losing someone or the phobia of losing someone or death anxiety is called Thanatophobia. The extreme thought of dying or fear of losing someone you love is sometimes so intense and cripples in an unhealthy way the daily life.

Fear of losing someone you love is natural as we are social beings. Emotional or other forms of dependency are the causal factor of fear of losing loved ones. The phobia of losing someone may also root in the thoughts of "what will I do without them?"

Fear of losing someone is based on not accepting the fact that humans are mortal. Thanatophobia is a severe phobia of dying or death itself. Death anxiety is another name for this condition. Concerns for your demise or the demise of a loved one may be causing you anxiety.

The fear of losing someone you love is very common. The above facts will help you overcome this fear and if it doesn’t help then you might need to seek professional help. Its treatment concentrates on becoming skilled at refocusing the anxieties and talking about your concerns and feelings.

How does the fear of losing someone build?

It is not unusual for the fear of losing someone you care about to start as a child. Although childhood trauma and loss may not seem to have anything to do with romance and romantic relationships, your early relationships usually serve as the foundation for all of your subsequent relationships, and you frequently carry the scars from your early friendships and relationships with your parents well into adulthood. Parental neglect or abuse is a typical cause of this phobia. Parents who are otherwise excellent frequently aren t even aware of their negligence. This is mainly because some people are unaware that neglect also includes emotional neglect.

Parents who put forth a lot of effort to support their family may feel as though they are raising their children beautifully since they are fed, receive a good education, and have everything they could ever want. However, they could accidentally overlook, minimize, or disregard a child s emotional needs. This may occasionally affect how a person bonds with others or feels, as well as how they handle their emotions.

As a result of a loss, one may experience anxiety about other losses. If a loved one has passed away, or if someone you liked and trusted has abandoned you or deceived you, you may grow quite afraid that it may happen again. These emotions frequently operate as a silent undercurrent in your day-to-day existence and only become apparent once a new relationship has started. They are difficult to define and label. These emotions might manifest as clingy, controlling behavior, placing unreasonable demands on your spouse, and the need for continual contact.

Understanding the two distinctions of the fear of losing someone.

Let s be very specific about the fear of losing someone since anyone with existential anxiety can be stuck circling in the "what ifs." There are two important differences:

First is when you are anxious about the coming death of a loved one who is suffering from a serious illness or is in a high-risk situation. And second, is when you are unable to stop worrying about the death of your loved ones even though they are not really at risk.

Causes of Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia, or the fear of death, can be caused by a variety of factors, both psychological and environmental. Here are some of the most common causes:

• Traumatic experiences related to death or dying: This could include a near-death experience, witnessing the death of a loved one, or experiencing a personal illness or injury that made you feel close to death.
• Loss of a loved one: The death of a close friend or family member can trigger thanatophobia, especially if the death was unexpected or traumatic.
• Religious beliefs: Certain religious beliefs, such as those that teach of eternal punishment after death, can contribute to a fear of death.
• Illness or injury: Being diagnosed with a serious illness or experiencing a major injury can cause people to focus on their own mortality and develop a fear of death.
• Existential concerns: As people age, they may begin to contemplate the meaning of life and their own mortality, which can lead to anxiety and fear of death.
• Anxiety disorders: People with other anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder or panic disorder, are more likely to develop thanatophobia.
• Genetics: Some research suggests that there may be a genetic predisposition to anxiety disorders, including phobias like thanatophobia.

It is important to note that thanatophobia is a treatable condition. If you are struggling with a fear of death, there are effective treatments available, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and exposure therapy.

Signs and Symptoms of Thanatophobia

There seems to be a slight misunderstanding. While Thanatophobia is related to the fear of death, it doesn t encompass the specific fear of losing someone. The fear of losing someone loved is often associated with separation anxiety or fear of abandonment, which are different conditions.

Here are the signs and symptoms of Thanatophobia (fear of death):

• Excessive and persistent fear or anxiety about death or dying: This fear can be triggered by thoughts of one s own mortality or the death of loved ones.
• Physical symptoms of anxiety: When someone with Thanatophobia experiences fear or anxiety, they might also experience physical symptoms like:
• Increased heart rate
• Difficulty breathing
• Panic attacks
• Avoidance behaviors: People with Thanatophobia often try to avoid anything that reminds them of death, such as hospitals, funerals, or even talking about death.
• Intrusive thoughts and images: People with Thanatophobia may have persistent and unwanted thoughts or images related to death and dying.
• Preoccupation with death: They may spend a significant amount of time thinking about death and the dying process.
• Difficulty functioning in daily life: The fear and anxiety associated with Thanatophobia can interfere with daily activities, work, and relationships.

If you are experiencing any of these signs and symptoms, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your fear and develop coping mechanisms to manage it.

Effects of Thanatophobia in Relationships

While Thanatophobia itself directly relates to the fear of death, it can indirectly affect relationships through its associated anxieties and behaviors. Here s how:

Emotional Distance: The constant fear of losing loved ones can lead to emotional withdrawal and difficulty forming deep connections. This prevents individuals from fully opening up and experiencing the vulnerability that comes with close relationships.

Fearful individuals might subconsciously push people away to lessen the emotional pain they anticipate if the person dies. This creates a barrier to intimacy and closeness.

Control Issues: The overwhelming anxiety can manifest as controlling behavior in relationships. Individuals might try to dictate activities and choices to safeguard their loved ones, even if it restricts their freedom and independence. This can create tension and resentment.

Increased Dependence: Fearful individuals might become overly reliant on their partners, clinging to them and becoming excessively worried whenever they are apart. This dependence can be suffocating for the partner and create an unhealthy dynamic.

Communication Issues: Talking about death or illness can be triggering for someone with Thanatophobia. This can lead to difficulty having open and honest communication about important life events and concerns, affecting the overall relationship health.

Impact on Activities: The fear might limit them from participating in activities that might be perceived as risky, impacting shared experiences and creating limitations in enjoying life together.

It s important to note: These are not universal experiences, and the severity varies depending on the individual and their coping mechanisms.

Individuals with Thanatophobia are not inherently "bad" partners. They might not always be aware of how their fear affects their relationships and need support and understanding.

Seeking professional help can equip individuals with Thanatophobia with coping mechanisms to manage their anxieties and build healthier relationships. Open communication with their partners can also foster understanding and create a supportive environment to address their concerns.

Few ways to overcome the fear of losing someone.

Stop trying to control things while it can be difficult, note that many things in life are out of your control, including fear of failure.

Recognition of death and suffering is part of life many things happen to everyone in their lifetime, and coping with death is certainly one of those things.

Spend some time alone with yourself. It is going to give you positive energy. Relax and spend a little time on your own to deal with thanatophobia and have the requisite confidence to conquer fear.

Trust yourself that you can deal with all of the fear of failure, it must be troubling how you are going to carry on if it happens. However, you must believe in yourself and how strong you are.

It might feel difficult to move on if anything bad happens. Believe that life goes on. It could seem like life ends right there, where there s a loss. Yet life goes on, time goes by, and you are going to go along with it.

Although life is difficult to move on your way. But to make things better, you must understand that the suffering of loved ones is going to happen one day, and whether you like it or not, you are forced to lose your loved ones. The earlier you understand, you will be able to conquer your fear.

Also, remember that it s never too late. Even though you have the worst fear of losing somebody you love, know that they are already alive in your memories and your thoughts. Anything you are doing is inspired by them. In that, you can take real comfort.

Therapy is available! A mental pattern that might be addressed in therapy is the fear of abandonment. In therapy, you can also address trauma, additional issues that may be related to these worries, and other fears that have an impact on your life. There are many different types of therapy, and the one that is best for you will depend on several things, including any prior therapies you may have used, the issue that is most pressing for you at the time you seek help, your personal preferences, your unique diagnosis, and so on.

The fear of losing someone is also known as Thanatophobia ie, phobia of losing someone, phobia of losing friends, or fear of losing someone you love and can be treated through Online Counseling by the  Best Psychologists in India at HopeQure as they have helped thousands of people to overcome this fear, especially after the Covid 19 pandemic. The fear of dying can occasionally develop into irrational fear. For some people, the idea that we will one day cease to exist can be so debilitating that it starts to affect how they live their lives daily. For many people, while having a small amount of fear of dying is normal and good, having a crippling fear that keeps one from living daily life to the fullest is not good and is treatable.

The fear of losing someone you love can be overwhelming and painful. However, if you get the right assistance, you can handle it. Online Couple counseling is a helpful tool for couples dealing with this fear as it allows them to develop a deeper understanding of their relationship and learn healthy communication techniques. For those unable to attend in-person sessions, virtual therapy is a useful alternative that offers convenient, at-home help. It s important to find the right online therapist for your requirements, and HopeQure offers certified therapists that can provide effective and caring therapists in fields like marriage counseling and virtual counseling.

Our Online Therapy  sessions will help you to cope with stress, anxiety, or depression. Schedule an appointment with our licensed therapists from the comfort of your home.

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Frequently Asked Questions

While we can t definitively answer the personal question of why you specifically fear losing someone, we can offer some potential explanations. This fear could stem from past experiences with loss, anxieties around vulnerability and intimacy, or even deeper existential concerns about mortality. Regardless of the root cause, understanding these fears can be empowering. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or seeking professional help can equip you with strategies to manage your anxieties and build healthy, fulfilling relationships despite the fear.

The fear of losing someone is not directly classified under Thanatophobia, which specifically refers to the fear of death. Instead, it aligns more closely with separation anxiety or the fear of abandonment. These terms describe the intense anxiety and distress experienced at the thought of being separated from loved ones, often stemming from a deep-seated need for security and attachment.

While overcoming the fear of losing loved ones takes time and effort, here are some starting points: a) Acknowledge your feelings: Accept that this fear is normal and doesn t diminish your love for others. b) Talk about it: Open up to supportive family, friends, or a therapist about your anxieties. c) Focus on the present: Practice mindfulness and cherish the time you have with loved ones. d) Seek professional help: If your fear becomes debilitating, consider cognitive-behavioral therapy or other evidence-based practices. Remember, you don t have to navigate this alone, and seeking help can empower you to build resilience and find peace.

Fearing losing your partner is a common concern, and there could be several reasons behind it. It might stem from past experiences with loss, anxieties about your own self-worth, or simply the deep value you place on the relationship. To gain clarity, consider exploring these possibilities or seeking support from a therapist who can guide you towards understanding and overcoming this fear.

Yes, fearing losing a friend is completely normal. It s natural to value close relationships and feel anxious about their potential loss. This fear can stem from the sadness of missing their presence, the uncertainty of the future, or past experiences of losing loved ones. While it s important to acknowledge this fear, focusing on nurturing the friendship and enjoying the present can help manage it and strengthen the bond.

• Ansell, E. B. (2005).  Love and attachment: Attachment theory and relationship therapy . Routledge. (Chapter 6: Attachment and intimacy)
• Baldwin, M. W., & Carrell, P. (1996).  Fear of intimacy and vulnerability in close relationships . Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(4), 800-809. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407596134002
• Bartholomew, K., & Shaver, P. R. (1998).  The interpersonal circle: Theory and evidence . Guilford Publications. (Chapter 8: Attributions about partners and close relationships)
• Diamond, L. M. (2004).  Fear and intimacy: Understanding the role of fear in healthy and unhealthy relationships . American Psychological Association.
• Griffin, D. W., & Bartholomew, K. (1994).  The experience of self and close relationships: Influences of culture, gender, and attachment style . Psychology Press. (Chapter 4: Attachment styles and the experience of self and close relationships)
• Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987).  Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process . Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1987-21950-001
• Leary, M. R., & Thompson, L. S. (2017).  Interpersonal rejection: Concepts and current issues . Taylor & Francis. (Chapter 2: The fear of rejection in close relationships)
• Orbuch, N. I., & Bachiochi, D. W. (2004).  Premarital couples therapy: Theory and practice . Guilford Publications. (Chapter 2: The foundations of healthy marriage)
• Pines, A. M., & Kasen, S. (2010).  Coping with stress . SAGE Publications. (Chapter 14: Social support and coping)
• Wilson, K. G., & Wright, S. C. (2012).  Attachment and close relationships . John Wiley & Sons. (Chapter 4: Attachment and close relationship development)

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How to Cope with the Fear of a Loved One Dying

Tips to keep yourself tethered in the present when anxious about death..

Posted May 12, 2021 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

• What Is Anxiety?
• Take our Generalized Anxiety Disorder Test
• Find a therapist to overcome anxiety
• People may experience anxiety over a loved one's death, whether that person has a high risk of dying or not.
• If a loved one is at high risk of dying, it's best to allow oneself to feel the fear and grief but get help if those feelings become paralyzing.
• Being worried about a loved one dying when it's unlikely could be a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder.

One memorable patient, whom I saw years ago while training at a cancer center, was a young entrepreneur, wife, and mother to three young kids. She was at the center because her husband had just been diagnosed with brain cancer.

I tried to consider how she must be feeling and couldn’t fathom how she continued to function so well. Don't get me wrong: She did worry about her family's future and her husband’s health. But we worked on finding meaning and balance in a way that honored her very reasonable fears while also allowing her to continue to live her life.

So, what did this brave woman do to put an end to her profound worries? How can we calm our own anxiety that a loved one will someday die? Or how do we cope if we know that day may be approaching sooner rather than later?

The two types of anxiety over a loved one's death

Let’s get concrete about this topic because spinning around in the “what ifs” can paralyze anyone with existential fear . To start, let’s be clear about an important distinction. There are two major types of anxiety about a loved one’s death:

• When a loved one has a severe illness or is at high risk of dying, and you are anxious about their impending death.
• When your loved ones are not particularly at risk for dying, but you can’t stop worrying about them dying anyway.

These two types of anxiety are very different and require different responses.

Scenario 1: Worrying when a loved one is at a higher-than-usual risk of dying

It’s one thing to understand that death is inevitable and that things may be out of your control, but it’s another to be at peace with that knowledge. Don’t expect yourself to be perfectly rational and poised when thinking about death. Allow yourself to feel anxiety and grief .

At the same time, make sure your natural anxiety and grief don’t turn into a state of paralysis or preoccupation. It may be time to take some steps if you find yourself:

• Unable to engage in proper self-care.
• Unable to manage the basics in life.
• So preoccupied with thoughts about your loved one's death that you can’t enjoy your time with them now.

Let's look at two things you can do to help yourself.

Climb down from the what-if tree. Whatever your loved one’s prognosis, the best way to make the most of your time together is to live in the moment. Slow down with the to-do lists, get rid of distractions, and most important, get down from the what-if tree.

The what-if tree has a sturdy trunk with strong roots at the bottom—that’s the present moment. It’s safe there; you feel grounded. As you climb the what-if tree, with each branching what-if scenario the branches get thinner and your footing gets shakier. This place poses more of a risk. At some point, it’s not useful to think that far ahead.

Of course, you may have practical matters at hand. Medical decisions and contingency plans need to be made. But keep these tasks only to the essentials. Set aside specific decision-making time rather than stewing on decisions whenever they enter your consciousness. Consider these decisions as tasks to do rather than a new anxiety-fueled way of living your mental life. Whenever it’s not your specified decision-making time, set those thoughts aside.

Don’t ignore conversations about death. We hate talking about dying. Sometimes, well-meaning family members shut down conversations about their loved one’s death. But denial and dismissal actually prevent your loved one from expressing their very real feelings, which likely makes them feel alone when they need closeness the most. They may be feeling afraid, sad, angry, accepting, or a range of emotions, and they need you to hear and understand this.

A recent study asked palliative care nurses about the most common reflections they hear from the dying. They found that many dying patients want to recount their experiences and express their concerns. When we ignore conversations surrounding death, we prevent our loved ones from expressing their feelings at a profound moment in their life.

Scenario 2: Worrying about someone’s death when they’re unlikely to die

Have you ever worried about someone’s death so intensely that by the time they walked in the door and explained they were late because of car troubles you'd worked yourself into a panic?

It’s not “crazy” to be worried about a perfectly healthy partner or loved one. We may be more prone to this type of worry if we've experienced an unexpected loss in the past or if we're feeling particularly stressed , upset, or vulnerable.

Another common reason for preoccupation with a loved one’s unlikely death is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). People with this disorder spend a lot of time worrying about bad things happening, to the point where it interferes with their day-to-day functions.

No matter the source of your worry, there are ways to lessen the hold it has on your life.

Understand that worry is your brain’s way of trying to feel safe and in control. Often, people with GAD believe, consciously or not, that worrying helps prevent bad things from happening. When we worry, we feel like we’re doing something proactive, which distracts us from our feelings of panic or helplessness.

But the idea that worry somehow helps or prevents tragedy is an illusion. Worrying can’t change the situation at hand.

We may also worry as a way of purposely keeping ourselves in a negative mental state . That way, if the worst really does happen, we're prepared for it. This is another illusion the brain cooks up for us. If our loved one dies unexpectedly, we'll be no less devastated if we’ve imagined their hypothetical death many times before.

Understand that there is a scientific reason for why your brain comes up with constant worries. You’re getting an illusion of control, which keeps you searching for more. Stay grounded by reminding yourself not to indulge in the act of worrying.

Understand that thoughts are just stories your brain tells you. Now that you know why your brain comes up with persistent worries, you can start to let them go. The key is to realize that thoughts are just stories.

Think to yourself, "I'm a blue giraffe." Now check a mirror. Did thinking "I'm a blue giraffe" make the thought true? Did thinking it somehow make the phrase meaningful or useful? I'm willing to bet you're not gazing at the reflection of a blue giraffe right now.

Now, think of the stories your brain tells you, like, "She's never late, so she must've gotten in an accident." It’s okay if these thoughts pop into your head sometimes—you can’t control that. It’s okay to sit with them to see if they’re meaningful. But consider whether you’re reading too much into them. Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts based on the facts I have right now … or are they just thoughts?”

Be patient and kind to yourself. All the strategies we talked about today are easier said than done. We must show ourselves patience and kindness. Remember that you're experiencing deep, existential anxiety.

One trick for figuring out how to be kind to yourself is to ask what we would do for a child who's worried his sibling is going to die. You wouldn’t tell him to “toughen up” or “just be logical.” You'd give him a hug, tell him you understand how scary his worries must feel, and then help him to understand what’s really happening. That might include reminding him that nightmares, like anxieties, are just stories the brain makes up.

When worries threaten to overwhelm you, treat yourself with the same kind of compassion.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

Jade Wu, Ph.D., is a clinical health psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast. She specializes in helping those with sleep problems and anxiety disorders.

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Fear of Losing Loved Ones – Can’t Stop Worrying?

By: Shareheads

by Andrea M. Darcy

Is a fear of losing loved ones always on your mind? Are you worried about losing a parent , or a a partner dying?

Is a fear of losing loved ones normal?

Yes, it’s normal to not want the people we love to die. We enjoy their company, and know life would be very different without them. 

We also don’t talk enough about death in modern culture. So there can be a certain amount of fear simply because we don’t fully know what we would be dealing with.

Freud coined a fear of death and dying ‘ thanatophobia ‘, and felt we all suffer from it because we refuse to accept our mortality. Modern psychologists call this common fear plain old ‘death anxiety’. 

A healthy or unhealthy fear?

A normal fear of loss involves worry and sadness when we think about our loved ones moving on, followed by an understanding it’s an unavoidable fact of life. It can mean a moment spent considering our own mortality. But in general, we realise we would cope.

An unhealthy fear of losing loved ones is more like a rising anxiety, and comes with extreme thinking . We feel our life would be over without the other person.

The more we think about losing the loved person in question, the worse we feel. Anxiety symptoms kick in, which can include: 

• increasingly illogical thoughts
• a growing and pervasive feeling of fear
• physical symptoms like sweatiness, beating heart, stomach upset, muscle tension
• changes to sleep and eating patterns
• possible panic attacks .

What is the fear beneath the fear?

By: Blue Diamond Photography

Loss of a loved one an easy thing to place all our worries on because it is an acceptable anxiety. 

So sometimes we use a fear of losing loved ones to hide other fears we are more ashamed of , like fear of:

• being alone
• having to do everything by yourself
• not knowing how to cope
• having no identity of your own.

Why is it so important to admit to these ‘fears beneath the fear’? They are actually easier to deal with. 

We can’t stop other people around us from one day dying. But we can find support to learn new ways of being, and take steps forward so that we no longer feel overwhelmed at the idea of being responsible for navigating our own life. 

Fear of losing loved ones and codependency

• Are you a teenager who is afraid of your mother dying ?
• Or who is too paranoid to move out or go to university in case your single parent ‘dies’ without you?
• In a romantic relationship and experiencing panic attacks at the thought of your partner not being around?

Fear of losing loved ones can hide a problem with codependency. Codependency involves taking your sense of self and worth from another person, instead of developing it within.

If you are in a codependent relationship you will feel it is your responsibility to   constantly make the other person happy, and that you don’t know who you are without them.

Despite telling yourself that you just ‘really love’ the other person, codependency is not a healthy way of relating . It leaves you unable to see all your inner resources and personal power.

Allowing yourself to move out and become independent can make a real difference. But codependency can also be a very powerful pattern, and you might need to reach out for some professional support to understand your feelings and learn to raise your self-esteem .

How can I stop worrying about losing a loved one?

By: Travis Wise

Trying to totally stop anxiety or worries tends to backfire, and we end up thinking about the topic more than ever.

So the first step can be acceptance . Accept that you are experiencing anxiety around losing a loved one. Then try the following:

1. Make a list of all your concerns.

Anxiety is powerful because it feels out of control, sending our thoughts on endless spirals . But if we take the time to sit and write out on paper what is behind the anxiety? Our life can be less out of control than we think.

What are the very worse things that would happen if you lost your loved one? That you wouldn’t have a place to live, or anyone to talk to? What are possible solutions to each problem?

2. Identify what you’ve already lost.

You might be more resilient than you realise. Loss is a part of life and you’ve likely already successfully navigated some, and come through the other side.

Write out things you really valued that you lost, whether that was a childhood friend moving away, or having to graduate from a school you liked being at. See if you can remember what you did to navigate that loss and bounce back. 

3. Practise mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a technique to help you stay in the present moment , instead of being lost to worries about a future you can control and a past you can’t change. We can become more grateful for what is right in front of us. 

Read our easy how-to ‘ Guide to Mindfulness ‘ and start practising as soon as today. 

4. Learn about death and dying.

Major cities now have what are known as ‘ death cafes ’. These are gatherings for people to come and discuss their fears of death and dying with a ‘death doula’, someone who understands the process. Even simple things like learning how a funeral is arranged and how the grieving process works can demystify the process we all at some point face.

Visit a ‘death cafe’, read about other people’s experiences, or ask people you know who have gone through a bereavement to share their story. 

5. Talk about your fear with supportive others.

You might want to share you anxiety with your loved one themselves. If this seems a bad idea, try a trusted friend or family member.

Feel nobody would understand your anxiety about losing a loved one? Then speak to a counsellor. Your school might have free or low cost counselling if you are a student, or your workplace might provide several free sessions. If you are over 18,   you can book counselling privately, with therapists now available for every budget .

Need proper help with your out-of-control fear of losing a loved one? We connect you with London’s top talk therapists. Or use our booking site to find UK-wide registered therapists and online counsellors you can talk to from anywhere. 

I am an average teenager. I think I may have anxiety and depression but I can’t tell my parents because well… they’re African and don’t believe in such a condition. Just yesterday, I found out that one of my seniors had died in a car accident. I tried to accept it. I spoke to my friends and they said wise words to me and I tried to remind myself that death is inevitable but I just don’t know …my heart won’t take it. I tried to sleep yesterday but I kept feeling this numbness and coldness in my feet, my heart was beating really fast and I just couldn’t sleep. The same thing happened when Juice Wrld had died. I didn’t know him or anything. I wasn’t really a fan but it still hit me hard… This senior as well was not really my friend. I didn’t know her so well but the pain is still there…she was just 16… I think I need help but I can’t tell my parents as I said earlier. Everytime I talk about problems like this they either tell me to sleep or drink water… I don’t have any money either.. But please help me. I have an exam coming up and I just don’t want these feelings to get in the way of my studies. Please help.

This sort of anxiety about death and dying is really quite common in teenagers. First of all, your brain is growing and flooded with hormones, meaning many teenagers have mood issues. Then it’s the time of life when you are starting to think about a future where you have to be in control of your own destiny and away from your parents and finding your identity. And death can become an interest or obsession because there is a sense of going out into the world, of not being able to always rely on everything and everyone to be there or stay the same. As the article suggests, it can be helpful to do research about death. Approach it like any other research, as if you were writing an essay. If you have a friend who is interested, or who is also upset about the student who passed away, see if talking about death and dying helps. If your school is offering any sort of grief support, do take them up on the offer.In summary, you are a sensitive person who cares about others. It’s normal to be upset if someone you respected dies. The thing is to just feel the emotions instead of resisting and judging yourself. As then you just end up with anxiety about anxiety itself. Best, HT

I’m an 15 year old boy. And i’m scared of loosing my family cuz they’ve always been there when i’ve been sad. especially my grandpa, he has always been my best friend and i can’t think of an life without him or any other in my family. HOW can i stop thinking about loosing them.

I am 24.I think was a bit immature to take decisions about my career in my school and college life. I had family issues too. I lost my dad when I was one. And I lost 2-3 people who I loved the most, because they used to care about me. Now, I feel like, no one can understand me and nobody listens to me whenever I try to talk about my fears. I can’t sleep at night even if I’m tired. I don’t understand what I’m gonna do in my life. Everytime when I feel negative, I meditate, even I do workout, but I can’t focus on my career. I’m feeling so worried and tensed. Please help. Thank you.

Hi Vinne, it’s actually really normal to start worrying about losing loved ones as a teenager. It’s the point in life where you realise that soon you have to be an adult, taking care of yourself, and you start to realise life can be challenging and not everything lasts forever. So first of all, it’s okay to have these worries. Then focus on enjoying time with your family when you are with them then developing your resources as a person, learning how to take care of yourself and becoming independent. Otherwise you might find learning mindfulness helps http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout as well as gratitude practice, training your mind to not obsess on just the bad but also recognise what is going right in life http://bit.ly/gratitudepractise . Best, HT

Hi Nidhi, we do feel the way that young people are forced to make huge decisions about their future is quite backwards. When we are 18-20 we really don’t know ourselves well at all. But because of that, to be totally unsure about your career and future at aged 24 is actually normal. You’d be amazed how many people feel this way. And you might be trapped in black and white thinking. This is where everything is an either/or. Life actually isn’t that. You are always free to change your mind and find other options. Many people these days change career several times, it’s normal. But this aside, it sounds like have generalised anxiety. Which means that logic won’t help as your mind is stuck in loops of cognitive distortions. We’d highly recommend CBT therapy, a short form of therapy that doesn’t delve heavily into the past but helps you get control of your thoughts so they stop you constantly spiralling into low moods. Best, HT.

I just wanted to say thank you. This article, as well as a couple others, has been very eye-opening for me. ‘The fear beneath the fear’… I would never have realized that on my own. However, I can now take the steps needed.

Thanks again. You’ve made a huge difference in my life!

Wonderful to hear. It makes it all worthwhile to know that it helps others. Andrea (the editor and lead writer who wrote this piece).

I started feeling anxious in my mid twenties. It has now developed into a debilitating struggle. My mother has never been a healthy woman and I agonize almost every free moment I have to myself. I have to keep busy or I can’t take it. I get extreme overwhelming nostalgia to the point I literally cannot tear myself away from myself, if that makes sense. My wife knows a little of what I go through depression wise but I can never put into words how I am feeling. I have seen a couple different therapists who tell death is a natural thing. Yeah I know. Everybody dies. It’s the overwhelming disassociation i get when I think about it. I can’t stop. I’m scared

Hi Michael. Is that all the therapists said? We are curious. As we’d imagine a good therapist would instead focus on the fear, where it comes from, and on helping you go into the fear and explore it instead of away from it. You say you have seen ‘a couple different therapists’. That is of interest to us. How long did you stay with each one? Is there any chance your anxiety is sabotaging any deep work and having you jump about from therapist to therapist (which tends to not produce results). As we sense an intimacy issue. You don’t, for example, even feel understood or able to fully communicate with your own wife. This sort of issue leads to not giving any therapist a proper chance. On the other hand they might have been the wrong therapist. We don’t, in any case, think this is about death. It’s just that you have strong anxiety and it is fixating on death. It is more likely this your anxiety stems from elsewhere, a guess could be the relationship and attachment with your mother and then difficult childhood experiences. In any case. It might be worth it to look into CBT therapy, which doesn’t look at your past at all but is a short term therapy to help stablise your thinking and is proven to lower anxiety. As deep diving therapy is going to be less effective until your anxiety is calmed a bit. If there were any childhood traumas, look into EMDR. Hypnotherapy might be helpful, and consider starting a mindfulness practice which needs commitment but is easy to learn, free, and over time is very powerful for anxiety and stress http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout . Finally, use the search bar to find our articles about fear of death, we think you’ll find them helpful. Best, HT.

Your fear of a loved one dying article is interesting to me because I have felt this, but not for people. I have lost several very special, very loved pets, both dogs and cats, recently. I now have an 18 year old cat. I keep crying about the fact that she is going to die sometimes soon. She the oldest furbaby I’ve ever been fortunate to have, and the thought of her upcoming demise is very saddening. I also saw in a pet loss page that others feel this way too. Any suggestions you may have would be very welcome to those of us who consider furbabies to be more family than pets.

i’m a fifteen year old teenager and one of my best friends died two years ago from suicide. it was very hard for me to deal with it and it took me two years, but i still feel the pain. now whenever my friends tell me they’re sad or/and depressed, i can’t help myself, but think that they might take their lives too. i try to think that they won’t do it, since they told me they won’t, but my mind won’t stop questioning if they will or not. i tried to talk with my friends and mother, and they did help, but at the end of the day the feeling and anxiety about it never leaves. this feeling is ruining me inside and i feel so scared

Tia, definitely does sound like you’ve developed anxiety. The mind can get stuck in negative thinking loops and it can then affect our moods and our ability to cope on a day-to-day basis. Is there any one you could talk to who is outside of the situation? Does your school provide counselling? Would your mother be willing to help you see a counsellor? It might be helpful to find one who deals with grief. Otherwise there is a short-term type of therapy called CBT that focuses just on helping you stop your thoughts from being negative and getting out of control. It’s proven to help with anxiety. If you are in the UK, you can talk to your GP and they can also refer you for free support (although there can be really long wait lists). Best, HT.

Helen, pets are sentient creatures, who give and receive so much love. Many of us experience very real grief when we lose a beloved pet. Sounds like you are pre-grieving, which happens, much as when a loved human is sick and we know their death is ahead. We’d say take the article and use it’s tips, as all the tips mostly apply to knowing you are going to lose a pet too! Best, HT.

I have a fear of my partner will die from either long illness sudden death or just going out to work and never come back again through an accident,its getting worse that I see his death in my head that I think I would take my own life if he did die, I know that sounds selfish but I just cannot take it anymore ……

Hi Lindsey, sounds like you have anxiety. Anxiety can fixate on one thing, like the person we love most dying. This sort of anxiety can also be related to anxious attachment, a way of relating we learn as a child and then bring to our adult relationships. Would you consider going to talk to a counsellor about this? It would be a good idea. You can even talk to your GP who can recommend you for some NHS funded therapy, although the waiting lists can be very long in certain areas. Best, HT.

I’m 17 years old girl. I’m fear of losing my mother because she is my life. I can’t imagine a life without her. I love her so much but my fear of losing her keeps me sad and I can’t help overthinking about it and it keeps me sad. Please help.

Syeda it’s actually quite normal to have fear of losing your parents as a teenager. It is a time in life when you are realising that soon you will have to be independent and an adult and move out and create your own life, and decide who you are. Sometimes fear of losing parents is also fear of having to be an adult like them and not a child anymore. And when we realise that we have to become our own person soon, we feel vulnerable, and then realise that nothing is forever, not childhood, or not our parents. So there can be a mourning process. It can be helpful to take time each day to remember what is going right in the present, here and now. Things like daily gratitude can really help http://bit.ly/gratitudepractise . As can learning mindfulness http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout . And also learn about balanced thinking https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/balanced-thinking-benefits.htm . If your thoughts get really erratic to the point it’s affecting your everyday life, it might be that you have anxiety, and it’s a good idea to talk to a counsellor. Best, HT.

I am a 65 year old woman with no one. I have 2 sons in their 20’s. They are the loves of my life– but they have their own lives. My sister means more to me than anyone ever has except for my 2 sons. I feel she is the only person I have ever been close to that truly cares about me and my life. When she dies, I can’t imagine living without her love anymore. I dont know how people go on living without at least 1 person that cares about them. I don’t think I can do it. I need someone who believes in me and cares. I won’t have that. I dont know if I want to be a person that can go it alone with no one who cares about me and by my side each day.

Hi Mary, we have many clients with no family at all, totally alone, and they do struggle, particularly if they never developed intimacy bonds before as they were not taught how to. Sounds like at this point you do actually have people in your life you are bonded with, but your worries and anxiety about the future are blocking your ability to enjoy what you have. Our question for you is, do YOU believe in yourself? Do YOU care about yourself? If not, where does this disconnection come from? Are you able to make new friends? If not, what stops you? And would you be willing to, even now, gather up your courage and develop a relationship with yourself? Which, in our opinion, is the most important of all, and it’s never to late to work on? It’s only once we truly feel happy with our own company that we can feel safe in the world and feel safe connecting with all those around us, including new friends. We would advise some sort of counselling to deal with this level of worry and disconnection from self. We also have clients who married again in their seventies, or developed new interests or social lives and surprised themselves. Until then, you might want to learn mindfulness https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/mindfulness-help-guide.htm which helps you to stay in the present. Best, HT.

Hi, I lost my dad to suicide when I was 11. I’m now 21 and am always anxious about my mum dying (and other family members – e.g aunties). I’ve always worried about this for a long time but it seems to be getting worse to the point where I am thinking about it too much (and about how I couldn’t cope without her). I’m an only child which I think makes this fear worse. I don’t know how to stop this irrational thinking.

Hi there. Have you ever talked to someone about all of this? A professional? That’s a lot to go through so not surprising you’d have anxiety. You see it’s actually normal when transitioning into adult independence to have anxiety about parents dying. We see this in a lot of young adults. Being a teenager is the time we explore who we are outside of those around us, which means we also have to face up to the fact we are separate, and that those around us are not forever. And striking out on our own and being independent also makes us realise and that we can’t rely on anyone to always be there and have to learn how to depend on ourselves. This normal processing might be far more difficult for you simply due to such a sudden loss. So we would say worth talking to someone. As for ‘stopping it’, resistance often makes things worse. What about just accepting it? Right now, at this time in your life, things seem scary. And that’s okay. Right now, you have thoughts that are irrational. And that’s ok, too. They are thoughts, not who you are. Right now you worry you can’t cope without someone else. But in fact you have already proven that you can cope and continue without others. Focus on each day, and on not panicking in the face of thoughts, and reach out for support. Best, HT.

Hi, thanks for this grate reading u provided. It was really helpful and i felt calm and understood durig reading it.

I am just turned 20 today and I realize that I really have this fear of loss in the relationships. The fear is unfortunately huge. I always picture my girlfriend making out with another guy (a similiar situation happend one time and i really felt hurt. Maybe I developed a destructive defence mechanism). Eventhough she loves me and I am aware of that (most of the time), I still feared of loosing her, sometimes in a really harmfull way.

What can I do? Thanks for your help. It will be very helpful. Very! (I kinda wanna accept the fact that it could happen and also accept the thing with the last time…That is kinda my goal)

Hi Kasra, it’s a good goal, acceptance. The problem with acceptance is that it’s far easier said than done. Sometimes what we need to accept instead is our discomfort. What if it’s okay to be afraid of losing someone? If it’s okay to have negative thoughts about what might happen? Can you accept that you have these thoughts, then continue on, regardless? And recognise that you are not your thoughts? That thoughts are just thoughts? Also note that 20 is a common age to have this sort of fear, it’s the age you are moving towards independence from your family. And the more you must rely on yourself, the more you must realise that nothing is forever. As for this other situation, yes, it might be colouring this new relationship. But we’d imagine it goes far deeper than that. What did you learn about love and relationships growing up for example? And how is your self esteem? As for self-help tools, we’d really recommend mindfulness. We have a free guide to it here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/mindfulness-help-guide.htm Best, HT

Even though life is completely find right now, I really can’t stop randomly thinking of loved ones dying and then randomly getting anxiety from it, help.. I hate this feeling so much the more I think about it, the more I want to cry, I don’t want to cry..

Hi Charlotte, it’s a strange time in the world, a lot of people are feeling anxious and having negative thoughts. Try to go easy on yourself. It’s also fine to cry now and then, it can be cathartic and useful. Best, HT.

I’m really scared of losing my mom. I’m 15 years old. I really fear it deeply, like I’ll be in bed sobbing at 12 in the morning thinking about how life will be without her and I get physical chest pains from the hurt I just won’t be able to live without her I’m scared everytime she goes out or she is feeling sick and I always want to be with her or along side her I’m very attached to her and it physically hurts me to think of her dying and I think of her dying often and I don’t know what to do because I know if I lose her, I will lose myself It makes my chest, head and heart to think of it I really feel lost I don’t know anymore I want to die before she dies and leaves me I cant live without her What’s wrong with me?

Hi there. We can’t make a diagnosis based on a comment, we don’t know you or the entire situation. It’s normal for teens to worry about their parents dying as they are now expected to become independent and this can cause anxiety. But it sounds like you are dependent on your Mother and having severe anxiety. Do you have friends and a social life? Or your own interests? What sort of relationship have you had growing up with your Mother? Did she depend on you? Or stop you from having your own life? Does she control your life? These are things you would look at with a counsellor or therapist. Is there someone you can talk to about this? Would you be able to seek support?

thank you so much! i’ve stopped worrying about losing loved ones, thanks to your advices! i’ve also tried meditating works well too!

Glad to be of help!

Please help me, i just kept thinking about my family member’s death especially my mom. I am scared of going anywhere without her, and I don’t want them to know about it. I usually cry at night whenever i think of it, it started when i was about 4th grade. Just like the latest comment here, that’s exactly how i feel. I’m also 15 years old, is it normal? I’m currently panicking rn lol

Hi Jlna, we don’t like the word ‘normal’. There isn’t really any ‘normal’. Everyone has their own issues, obvious or not. We are all just people doing our best. We can’t really say as we would need to know you and your history, but it sounds like you have anxiety. Anxiety causes our brain to fixate on one thing, and for you it’s people you love dying. As you love your mother most, it’s her you focus on the most. And we’d imagine there might also be some family issues, given that you don’t even feel you can talk to your family openly about this. It’s a good idea to seek some support about this. Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to? Or could you suggest to your mother you are feeling anxious and would like to talk to someone, without having to explain all to her? And she might help you find a counsellor? We have an article here about how to talk to your parents about mental health http://bit.ly/talktoparents . Best, HT.

hi,i have a fear about losing my family.It started when last month,one of my best friend lost her father at night because of heart attack.And since then i cant sleep well at night,i always worried about my family and in the morning when i wake up ,i call them if they re healthy.I always have these thoughts when somebody died around me.But generally it was take 2-3 days,but now its been 1 month and it still continue.Maybe the reason of that is my friends parents generally died because of heart attack.And im a doctor and working on epidemic hospital right now and see covid cases makes me worse at all.Because my mother was a breast cancer and my father has a COPD,so i worried because of that and it makes me OCD,i sanitized everything 3 times,not literally going outside except grocery shopping,to protect them to get infected.And these thoughts really make me so exhausted.I cant get rid of these ideas and i dont know what to do if this happens.I fear of that i miss them so much,not anything else just missing them i cant get over it,even if i think that i start crying and i really dont know how to handle this…

Darcy, it really sounds like anxiety disorder. We can’t be sure, we obviously can’t diagnose based on a comment, but as a doctor, we are sure you’d tell someone with physical symptoms to get support. We’d highly advise given these mental symptoms to get support. Anxiety picks one thing to overfocus on obsessively, and your mind has settled on the death of your friend’s father. Plus it’s hardly surprising you have developed anxiety, being a doctor during Covid is incredibly stressful and there has been such a rise in anxiety and depression amongst healthcare workers that some places were offering free therapy in the UK to healthcare workers earlier in the year. In fact the thing that is most stressing you out could be work, anxiety tends to find something outside of the main issue to obsess on. Does your workplace provide any mental health support? If they do, take it. Otherwise, is there another way you can access support? Online therapy is very good for anxiety and doesn’t involve leaving home or endangering your parents health. Don’t at all feel like you are ‘weak’ to be having this crisis, quite honestly it would be far more worrisome, as a doctor dealing with the pandemic, if you didn’t have mental health symptoms. It’s actually. a healthy response to a very unhealthy and unheard of situation, your mind’s way of letting you know its stress limits. Again, do reach out for some support. Self help methods to look into include mindfulness (there are some easy to follow apps which can help) and breathing exercises for stress, lots of videos on Youtube. Be gentle on yourself, you are navigating a lot. But don’t trick yourself into thinking that self help is enough, seek support. We know as a caregiver the last person we can give care to can be ourselves. Try not to fall into that trap. We help others best if we help ourselves first. Best, HT.

Hi, my name is Emma I have a really ad fear of loosing My mom, I’m 13 Eveytime she leave the house I get really bad panick attacks I always need to be with her when shes in public, i feel like she’s just gonna leave and get in an accident and not come back ever. Or I feel like she’s gonna get shot or something. I can’t talk to my friends abt it bc they wont take it seriously, and my mom just says she’s gonna be fine, but she doesn’t know that.

Hi Emma, as we enter the phase we realise we are going to one day have to be in charge of our lives and be independent, we can start to panic about the people we have always relied on. A lot of teenagers go through a phase of realising their parents will one day die and then being really scared. But if you have anxiety, your anxiety can focus on this fear and make it so big it starts to make daily coping hard. We think it would be great if you had someone to talk to about this, outside of the situation. Is there a counsellor at school you would be comfortable talking to? If not, would you be comfortable telling your parents you feel anxious and would like to talk to someone, a counsellor or therapist? We have an article about how to bring up mental health with your parents here http://bit.ly/talktoparents . IF you are in the UK, you can also speak to your GP who can then refer you to someone. There are also free helplines for teens, you can find the UK ones here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines . If you aren’t in the UK, google for one near you. Best, HT.

Hi. I have a fear of losing my loved ones, specifically my parents. I just don’t know what to do when I lose them. It just makes my day really sad thinking about that. It started roughly 3 months ago because of a youtuber that died. It made it worse when our favorite youtuber died because we watch his videos everyday. I really don’t know if we will meet in the after life or the after life would be a very dark and gloomy place. It really bothers me whenever I go to sleep. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. It makes me tear up when I think about this. I already lost several relatives and friends and that makes my heart ‘crippled’. I just don’t wanna lose my family because they play a big role in my life. Even though when I grow up, having my own family, I will sincerely miss them as they are the ones who shaped my mind, made me stronger and intelligent, more disciplined, and they taught me everything that I can apply using it in the future. As the youngest in the family, it makes me feel really sad because I’ll be the only one left if their time comes. As a Christian, I really hope that the heaven is real so that we can meet and have a wonderful and more happy life up above there but what would happen if the Bible said that there will be an everlasting life in heaven? What will happen with the gift of eternal life? I really hope that I can accept these because I can’t have a regular sleeping time, it makes me scared when I can’t see them; like if they go out, travel places, or they’re just in their room, and it really makes my emotions mixed up when they are not feeling well especially in this time of pandemic. I think, in the future, when I do really have a family, I would understand these situations and also to accept that life is just temporary. I hope this comment would raise your attention. I’m still 12 years old going 13 on the 27th and I’m a grade 7 student. To the people out there, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and have a good day ahead! 😉

Hi Benjamin. As you’ll see in some of our other responses, it’s actually normal to start worrying about your loved ones dying when you are a teenager. It’s the part of life you start to realise you will soon be independent, and that you are mortal, and that one day you will lose everyone. It’s a lot to digest and takes time but is a normal part of our social development. Have you talked to your family about these worries? Or do you have a trusted person you can discuss death and dying with? They are useful topics to learn about and discuss as they are an inevitable part of life. If you find that your worry gets bigger and bigger, and that you have other symptoms that match those of anxiety, it might be worth talking to a counsellor. Best, HT.

Hi.. I am a 50yr old woman, soon to be 51. Latley i think about my mom, Thank god i still have both my parents,, My mom is 84 and he health is going down hill, and its been really bothering me, I dont know why i seem to bottle up, when im talking to my dad, I know its coming soon, But im so scared how im going to deal with this. I just cant deal with the fact that she will be gone one day.. Its gonna hit me hard.. Please help me to understand this…..

Hi Pamela, unfortunately we can’t help you understand it based on a comment, as you, like all of us, are a complex person made up of a lifetime of experiences. As the article discusses, there can be so many reasons why we are anxious about a certain person dying, from fear of our own mortality, to a certain kind of relationship with that person. But given that it is causing you such anxiety, why not find someone who can help you understand it? A talk therapist could create a safe, non judgemental space for you to look at this issue and perhaps the other issues that arise connected to it. So if you could gather up your courage and find someone to talk to, we’d advise it. If you are on a tight budget, here in the UK you can speak to your GP and they can refer you for talk therapy, although there can be a wait time. Best, HT.

Hello, I am 18 years old and I currently can not sleep because of my anxiety, these past years I have always been thinking of losing my loved ones especially my small family, I just can not imagine my life without them, and I seriously mean this. Every night, when I go to sleep I think of it and it either ends by thinking of something else to distract myself or like this night, when nothing can distract me and I just decide to skip sleeping. Honestly, I am sick of it, these thoughts are hunting my head, and I would love to outcome this situation but being an introvert person I find it difficult to speak out about my problems especially “non-material” ones. Help me! 🙁

Hi Mira, if you read through the other comments here on this article, you will find you aren’t alone, and we discuss how this is a normal thing that happens when an adolescent realising your own mortality and that soon you have to strike out on your own in the world. We recommend that you see this anxiety as serious even if it is not a physical thing and do talk to someone, introverted or not. Is there a counsellor at school? A friend or relative you trust? Talking about these things with a trusted person can help you feel less alone and can make a world of difference. best, HT.

Hi ,Iost both my parents to illness when I was very young,I miss them so much I hope God is keeping them,Please help me get through the pain.

Hi Bernard, sounds tough. This sort of emotional pain that has not gone away on its own deserves proper attention, not some random comment from a blog team. We highly advise you see the help of a professional counsellor or therapist. If you are on a low budget, use our article on finding low cost counselling for inspiration http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy . Best, HT.

Hi there, I am soon to be 20 in a couple of days. Basically I have experienced alot of tough things at a very young age. I have lost 4 close friends in the past 3 years.. 2 of them passed away due to suicide, one in a car accident and the last one drowned will trying to cool off on a hot summers day. I was there with my friend at the time he drowned and it was the hardest thing I ever had to watch. I felt so helpless, we all tried to save him but the current was just too strong. He was only in his early 20’s. It was heartbreaking. Since that day I have had a horrible fear of water. I use to love swimming but now I go into an instant panic, I totally freak out and lose all control of myself. I have a fear of drowning and I think it is all linked to what happened to my friend. My uncle suddenly died 5 months ago from a heart attack. He was so healthy, so full of life, always telling me to stay positive and to stick to my Nursing course which I am studying in college. All of a sudden he was just taken from me and I can’t seem to get my head around it. I have witnessed so much death and loss over the years that I thought I would be able to bare it or even get use to the feeling as horrible as that sounds, but I just feel like this has been the worst loss so far. I have never said this to anybody and only feel comfortable saying this now because you don’t know who I am but will you please give me any advice you can. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it.

Hi there HD. That is a heck of a lot for one person to bear. Anxiety actually feels a normal response considering. Your brain is overwhelmed and trying to protect you. Grief is a strange beast. It takes a lot of time to process, and comes with a lot of symptoms you’d probably recognise if you read some of our articles on loss and grief. And it’s often a very, very good idea to seek some support. Is there a reason you haven’t talked to a grief counsellor? Most colleges now offer free to low cost counselling as well, we’d highly advise you take advantage of whatever is on offer. Gather up your courage and seek support. It is a sign of strength, to be brave enough to seek support and take care of ourselves, more than any idea of trying to ‘bear it’ alone which tends to just mean we suffer a lot more and way longer. On an additional note, if your fear of water doesn’t clear up after counselling, you might want to try clinical hypnotherapy or EMDR, which can directly deal with anxiety and fear around a clearly defined traumatic event like what you lived through. best, HT.

Hi I’m 15, and I’ve been getting frequent thoughts about my loved ones dying (especially my mom). I try to stop them because I kinda believe that thinking about things makes them more likely to happen, but it doesn’t help and the thought just get more and more frequent. I don’t think I have a codependency issue or anything, but I’m just worried and don’t want anything to happen to my parents because I really love them 🙁 How can I ease these thoughts and stop thinking them? Thanks for your help :))

Hi Isabella, if you have a read of all the other comments you’ll see that you are far from alone with all this and it’s very common for teens to start to panic about one day losing their parents. You are at a time in your life where you are realising that soon you have to be independent and fend for yourself. And you are developing your individual identity that will then carry you through life and realising things about mortality. Trying to ‘stop thinking’ never works in fact it s counterproductive, the thoughts tend to come back stronger. What is better is to talk about this. Why not talk to your Mom about how you have been realising that nothing is forever and it makes you sad that one day you’ll be a grown up alone and she won’t be there? We all actually, all us humans of all ages, feel sad to consider we will lose loved ones, but we all, each one of us will. It’s part of life, less talked about in Western culture than other countries, but a healthy thing to talk about. (Use our search bar to find our article about Death Anxiety, it will also be useful) Or talk to friends or relatives who might have similar thoughts. You might find journalling helpful. And it’s a good idea to talk to a school counsellor too, they would very much understand. Again, death and loss is a part of life. As a teenager we start to realise that, and navigating these realisations is a normal part of growing up. Best, HT.

Hi, im an architecture student and my father passed away suddenly due to a cardiac arrest a few months back. I have immense pressure of work, but seem to escape through worrying, procrastinating, crying and daydreaming. I fear not being able to fulfill his dreams. I cant seem to focus on my tasks properly, fearing death of the ones i have around me as well. i have terrible nightmares often seeing him and waking up to realise he is not here, many days i fell depressed with nightmares and anxious sleep.

Hi there Amy, believe it or not these are normal symptoms of grief. You need to go read or articles on grief and bereavement. Is there a counselling service at your school? Or do you have access to grief counselling? Also consider joining forums where you can touch base with others currently dealing with a loss. And go easy on yourself. Grief takes a long time to get through. Lower your expectations. It sounds like you were already far too hard on yourself, you are only a student with your life ahead of you and you are already worried about fulfilling dreams, and it seems grief has only exacerbated this, so please do seek that support. Best, HT.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this article. I was in the middle of one of many panic attacks triggered by the thought of my mother dying. They usually last for well over an hour but I composed myself in 15 minutes this time. I am 28 but still extremely dependent on her and this helped me to realize my real fears were the ones you listed (having no identity of my own, not knowing how to do things by myself, and feeling alone because I have maybe one close friend.) I lost my father as a child and I know how strong I am, but I need to figure out WHO I am…

Hi Jane, that’s a powerful realisation! What could help you do that? Figure out who you are ?By the way, we have some articles on identity, that might help. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-listen-to-yourself.htm On how to know your own thoughts and feelings. And ones on identity https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm and https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/a-sense-of-self-who-am-i.htm . Best, HT.

I’m glad another poster in here mentioned her pets. My cat is nearly 16,had her since she was a kitten. I have no one else, just her and I’m OK with that as she’s my whole world I love her so much. She has kidney disease and I don’t know how much time we have left together. Ive often thought ‘I go when she goes’. I can’t imagine life without her, it’s devastating and terrifying

Hi Sharon, on one hand, we get it. Animals are so precious, and easier to love than other humans as they ask less of us, are easier to understand, and can give so much affection without strings. But we do worry when you say you have no one else or would want to die without your pet, as no matter how much we love a person, pet, or even an object, this is an over dependence. What is the root of having no one else? Have you ever thought about seeking support over this, to look at what holds you back from relating with others? Best, HT.

Thanks HT. I think I was abused, definitely neglected, as a child. Any subsequent relationships have been with bullies. I kept them in my life I believe due to it being safe, as it’s all ive known. I’m being referred for mental health provision where I’m based as I’ve a lot going on. I’m ready to face it though. You are right about my being over dependent. The root cause is she’s the only one in my life who’s shown me kindness. I don’t want to go when she goes, but then I feel guilty saying that. I want to fight to continue, and not be so obsessed with how much time we have left or lose it when she looks poorly. I’m not sure how I stumbled upon your articles but I’ve read dozens already and they’ve been massively helpful. Thankyou

Hi Sharon, we just want to say congratulations for having the courage to put yourself out there for support, it’s always that first step that is hardest. You are right re bullies. When we grow up in an abusive home, that is our idea of ‘home’, so we naturally can keep choosing it again and again until we realise what is happening. Therapy really helps. What it also helps with is that it helps us be kinder and more compassionate to ourselves. Often when we were abused and neglected without realising it we carry it into adulthood and in tiny ways are constantly abusing and been mean to ourselves. We don’t take care of our health, we alienate ourselves, we don’t follow our dreams… and those around us take our signal and also treat us badly. The more we have compassion and kindness for ourselves, the more we slowly start to meet a different sort of person. It’s a long process that can be challenging, but keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are really glad the site is helping. And again we really truly get that animals are sentient beings who matter as much as other humans to many of us, and that is brutally painful when they move on. But we also truly believe she would not want you to be unhappy without her, but she would be happier to know you were ok when she does move on. Animals can be like little guardian angels from another realm, but they desire our wellbeing, that is why they find us. Best, HT.

Thankyou HT, you have no idea how your insightful and comforting words have helped me already. Im hopeful my psychological therapist is as kind as yourself. I look forward to the future sometimes, rather than being afraid. Thankyou again

Hello. I’m a 21 year old female and for a couple of years now I have been so fearful of my mum dying and also losing my boyfriend. Because within the last 2 years, she has actually become my best friend. I love her so much. I feel like if she was my age and wasn’t my mum we would actually be the bestest of friends. But I also feel slightly dependent on her i think, I’m not so much anymore but from when I was younger she did quite a lot for me and I didn’t see myself as independent until I was like 18. I now feel terrified about what life will be like without her, because I genuinely love her more than anything in the world. The pain would be so aching. I also feel this way about my boyfriend and I’m worried I’m becoming codependent on him instead; we have a healthy relationship so it’s not like we will end any time soon or anything it’s just that when I’m on my own I usually feel fine but when I’m with him and he leaves I get so sad and anxious about what I will feel like on my own, and although we’ve only been together nearly a year sometimes I cry or feel like crying when i tell him i love him because I am so scared of the possibility that he could just not be with me one day when he has become such an integral part of my being. It is so strong it’s almost too strong that sometimes I get thoughts like ‘I’m only really truly happy when I’m with him’ – the fact he probably doesn’t get worries like this makes me feel uncomfortable. He is so self assured that I get the feeling that he thinks of course it would hurt if we weren’t together, but he would still live on. That makes me feel uncomfortable because I feel like I wouldn’t be able to cope without him, he feels like a genuine soul mate and I want to be more independent and I want to not think about losing these 2 people. I think I have anxiety which makes it harder. Thank you

Hi there Bambi, we also received your second comment. To be honest we don’t think you exaggerated, there is some codependency going on here both with your mother and your boyfriend. To some extent it’s normal in young adults, who are fed a constant diet of false ideas of love and relationships from movies etc and who don’t yet have the life experience to know reality is different. And who are in the process of becoming fully independent of their parents, and are facing up to the reality of mortality. So you might naturally outgrow all of this as you get older, live on your own if you aren’t already, etc. But also to say, believe it or not your boyfriend’s attitude is very healthy. We don’t know you and we can’t diagnose based on a comment. but it could be a question of what is known as ‘attachment’. A person with secure attachment knows that they are able to be good with or without the other person. Which is healthy Love is not about being lost without someone else, that’s addiction and instability, love is about feeling the other person knows you and supports you to be your best self but about also being able to be that best self with or without them. Love is not a base for us to feel good, that’s need, addiction, codependency, low self-esteem. Love is a choice to share and grow together (read our guide on healthy relationships for more http://bit.ly/HTrelationshipguide ). If we have what is known as ‘anxious attachment’ relationships make us, well, anxious. ( http://bit.ly/anxiousattachment ). It could also just be plain old anxiety, as you explain, but the question then becomes, where is this anxiety coming from, what life experiences have led to it. Would you consider counselling? It would be a great idea. If you are at college or university they might offer free to low cost services, do look into it. Best, HT.

i’m a 14 year old girl who is scared of losing her baby brother and little sister. i can tell the difference between a little fear and something way worse. i feel like this isn’t something i’ll get over and deal with easily. i’ve never really lost anyone close to me other than my grandpa but it doesn’t seem like that’s what’s wrong, i’m not sure of anything and everytime i get the chance i hold on to both of them and get really scared to let go (like holding my brothers hand for example or enjoying time with my sister and then her falling asleep) i’m scared something bad is going to happen if i fall asleep and i feel the need to watch over them all the time. sometimes it goes away after a while but not recently. there’s this really bad feeling i have all the time and my chest feels so heavy i don’t know what to do. no one knows anything and i can’t have them knowing. i know it’s really stupid but i’m just not sure of anything ever.

Hi there Aarysa, we don’t think this is stupid. What we do think is that you are suffering from anxiety. Use our search bar to read our articles about it. Anxiety hijacks our mind until we have increasingly illogical thoughts, and fixate on one thing. Is there someone you can talk to about this? An adult you trust, a counsellor at school? We don’t know what country you are in. If you are in the UK, there are a lot of resources for young people, such as the helplines you’ll find in this article http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines . If not, google for a help line in your area. And consider reading books about anxiety, there are many these days, with tips to help. Mindfulness, for example, is very useful, you can learn for free here http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout . Otherwise, would your parents be open to helping you get some counselling? We have an article on how to talk to your parents about mental health here http://bit.ly/talktoparents . Best, HT.

Hello, I’m a 23 year old who’s about to move out of the family home for good, having come back for holidays during the last 4 years at university. My excitement about getting the job offer that would allow me to leave home quickly turned into an anxiety about my parents getting older, not being able to do the things they enjoy and eventually dying. It is reassuring to learn from the earlier comments/answers that this anxiety is not uncommon for people in my situation. However, given that it does seem to be a normal reaction for young adults leaving home, is there anything that I should do about it? Do I just go ahead with my life in the knowledge that, when I establish my life away from home, it will no longer be an issue? Or should I address it somehow? Although it has improved slightly from what it was, my anxiety is still disrupting my sleeping and eating habits, and while the starting point is always about my parents dying, my thoughts often spiral into a sort of existential crisis about my own life. This has all come from a moment that should be making me good about the future, but I can’t shake off this panic. I feel like me being the youngest child and therefore leaving my parents on their own is not helping my problem. Thanks for your help.

Hi Alex, have you talked to your parents about this? Sat down and shared that you are feeling some anxiety, and perhaps even some guilt about leaving them ’empty nesters’? Shared how excited you are about this move but also how it feels overwhelming? We ask this as it seems you haven’t, which would lead us to question if you are from a family you feel supported by and able to be yourself around, and if not, who are you able to talk to about things like this with? Life changes make the best of us anxious, and while that is indeed normal, it’s more worrisome that it feels you have nobody to talk this through with. Sometimes just a safe space to talk things through is all we need. If you don’t have this outlet, and if after the move you are still feeling anxious, we’d suggest you reach out to a counsellor. It might just be a few sessions and you’ll feel settled, it might be that you discover this big move has triggered other things that need dealing with. Regardless, we think the answer here is finding support, whether that is a friend, family member, or counsellor. Best, HT.

Hi, I’m a 14 year old, and recently I found out my best friend tried to commit suicide. I’ve always know she was struggling, and have done my best to help her, but after finding out I feel so helpless. I panic more and more especially since I now know that was her second attempt. I’m doing the best I can, talking to her, supporting her, and gifting her little things as well as writing letters, but I’m afraid I will end up losing her. I have only known her for 3-4 years but she is so so important to me, I have such good memories with her, and can’t image life if I just woke up one morning and found out the she was gone. I know she’s getting help, in fact she’s getting a lot of support but that doesn’t keep me from freaking out, or crying. Is there anything I should do? Thanks for your time.

Hi Emily, sounds difficult. But it also sounds like you are doing a lot of really positive things here. You are letting your friend know you care, and are being honest with yourself about how upsetting this is. And we are assuming you’ve let your friend know it’s upsetting to you that they would not be there. It’s a normal, healthy reaction to be upset if someone you love has had actual brushes with death. This is not just anxiety, or worry about some possible scenario, this is a real worry based on factual things that have happened and an actual risk you might lose this friend. You feel helpless as the truth is we are in many ways helpless, as we can’t control another person, no matter how much we love them. We can only let them know they are loved, which you are doing. So in this case we’d say you need some support too. Is there someone you can talk to about this? An adult you trust, a counsellor at school? Do you trust your parents enough to let them know this is really upsetting you and you need some support yourself? We have an article here on how to tell your parents you need some mental health support http://bit.ly/talktoparents . This really isn’t something to suffer through alone as it’s a very difficult situation. Best, HT

i am 19 years old and i have this anxiety ever since my University begun. I know i fear for the unknown and independant or alone. But whenever i faced a difficulty or challenges or future challenges, the thought of losing family’s anxiety just come out and cover the rest of fears. And it only give more anxiety than it already should be. Everytime i beat these anxieties back but they just keep coming back. Although reading your article ease me, but i fear it wont help me forever. What should i do to clear the thoughts and fears and anxiety ?

Hi there CCK. So here’s the thing, trying to ‘beat back’ anxiety can just make it roar up stronger. Sometimes we just need to try relaxing into the fear and worry and seeing what is behind it, seeing it like a wave, sometimes big, sometimes small, but something that just washes over us. A great help here can be a mindfulness practise. With time, it helps us to realise that the thoughts are just thoughts, not who we are, or not reality. You can learn for free here http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout . Anxiety can be about one things, but then fixate on something else entirely. We think you are right that being away from home and being independent is probably the real issue, but your mind has fixated on losing your parents. If it doesn’t get better with time, and starts to make daily coping hard, then do try counselling. CBT therapy is evidence based for anxiety, and there is also clinical hypnotherapy which some people get results with. Best, HT.

I am 24 and when I was a child I watched that movie all dogs go to heaven and it clicked in my brain that we all die and if you go to heaven it’s forever and ever and ever and it has no end. And ever since then at least once or twice a year I will have such bad anxiety that my mom can’t get out of my site. My dad was a drug addict and super mean growing up so I just had my mom but she had to worry about my dad brother and grandparents. Anyways. Now I’m qn adult and literally think that if I don’t live with her or don’t see her every day that something bad will happen if I’m not there and that if she dies I won’t be happy I won’t want to live I won’t be able to survive I won’t have anyone ill just crumble and die. So I cry about literally everything and anything. If she gets sick I get very emotional. And this makes me feel so stupid and childish but I literally can’t fathom my mom dying and when I think about it I fall into this deep dark black pit of despair and I feel like I’m seeing the world from a 3rd person pov bc i feel so detached and I just cry for hours. I’m currently trying RRT therapy but uh I’m at a loss really.

Hi there, RRT therapy is not recognised as an official therapy here in the UK so we can’t comment on its efficiency unfortunately. But it’s great that you are reaching out for support. It sounds like there was a lot of instability growing up and you now have anxiety and attachment issues. If RRT therapy doesn’t work out, don’t give up on therapy. Sometimes we need to give therapy a few tries, or try a different therapist or type of therapy before we get the ‘click’ and start to move forward. Schema therapy might be a useful one for you, it creates a very safe container for you to work within. CBT therapy would help you get your anxious thoughts under control, but is often a bit clinical over warm, whereas schema therapy uses the therapist/client relationship as a tool and you might benefit from this. Best, HT.

I’m Michaela (21) and I have severe anxiety and depression. I have been to a few therapists concerning the issues I’m having but I haven’t had any progress yet. I have a constant fear about my mother dying. She is my best friend and I love her very much. I saw the codependent aspect and I do want to make her happy and feel as if I would be alone without her because she’s my only friend and she’s been the only constant in my life. I know that I would be fine in aspects in my life such as financials and independence. However, I just don’t feel I could be without my mom ever. I spend time with her but I feel it’s never enough and that I’m not going to get to spend enough time with her before she dies (shes 42 and in decent health) I just worry all the time and feel like she’s going to die all the time when I’m not with her. Do you have any suggestions on what I could do to fix that? I don’t know fully what my issue is. Maybe not being able to understand what my actual underlying issue is? I understand that she will die eventually, I just feel I won’t ever have enough time with her. Thank you 😢

Hi there Michaela. So what we see here is a real lack of trust. You say you’ve seen several therapists, for example. So we are guessing you aren’t trusting the ones you try and sticking it out. (And if you are with a therapist now but asking for advice instead of talking to them this shows total lack of trust in the therapist and the process). And you don’t trust life to take care of you when your mother moves on. You also say your mother is your ‘only friend’ implying you don’t trust people your own age. So as for the ‘fix’. You aren’t broken, you don’t need ‘fixing’, you are simply human, one who needs to find her way forward and work on a few things. People aren’t math, nor is life. It’s a process, often a messy one, with many ups and downs. Quick fixes don’t exist. Although a good start would be finding a therapist you can see is a good person you could grow to trust (if you have trust issues, you won’t trust ANY therapist at first, so don’t expect to) and sticking it out, even through the tough bits. And maybe looking at where all this lack of trust originates from. If we have trust issues, we often also have control issues. We want to control everything. This doesn’t work. The human experience involves challenge after challenge. Including losing those we love at one point. Well, the physical form of them. Challenge is how we grow. If we don’t know sadness, we can’t know joy. The other thing with anxiety is our mind becomes addicted to negative thinking. We highly recommend committing to a gratitude practise. Again, committing. Doing it every day, even if you don’t trust the process and it seems pointless. it is a way to train your brain to see different perspectives. And consider learning mindfulness. It’s evidence based for anxiety, there are many research studies. Again, it’s a daily commitment, but it helps your brain to stay in the present moment instead of constantly obsessing on the future. http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout Best, HT.

First if all thank you for writing this. It helped me a lot! So.. I have an amazing family. I love them so much and cant imagine any life without any of them. Especially my mom. She helps me live. I don’t know what I woyld do with out her. She helps me when im sad and when im lost she reassures me and I dont think I would be here right now without her in my life. She is one of my biggest supporters. Im getting worried and sad about loosing her even know she isnt close to passing. It just sacres me that I never know when shes going to pass or any of my family. What should I do?

Hi ther Tracey, we are guessing you are a teenager. Have a read through the comments where we discuss this. It’s normal to go through this as a teen. You are in the period of life where you start to develop your own identity and prepare for standing on your own two feet as an adult. And part of that can be growing pains, where you feel panicky and terrified about not being a kid relying on your parents and where you realise your parents are mortal. So don’t judge yourself for the feeling, just understand it’s a part of growing up. And you just have to take it day by day. And that bit by bit, your own identity will get stronger, you’ll feel more and more aware of your own personal power, and you’ll stop being a kid relying on her and become an adult relying on you, until one day you marvel at the fact that you used to think you were helplessly reliant on her. If the anxiety ever becomes so much that you can’t function on a day to day basis, then talk to someone, either an adult you trust or the counsellor at school. Best, HT.

Thank you! I am a teen. I am also getting nervous and panicky about nothing and don’t know why. I worry about usless things and don’t know why. What do you think?

Hi Jacey, we’d say either what we talk about in the comment response we left, or a bit of generalised anxiety. Being a teen is tough. A lot of teens feel anxious. If it gets to the point you are struggling on a daily basis, talk to an adult you trust, your doctor, or a school counsellor. Or ask your parents if they could help you seek some counselling. Again, do scroll through this comment section and you’ll see how many teens feel the same. Best, HT.

Hi, my name is yunya and I m 22 years old and I can’t stop thinking about loosing my family members and my partner, specially my parents I mean they are my everything I love them more then anything. it’s been a month since this unfortunate feeling or pain hit me and I can’t stop crying it’s getting worst as I can’t talk to anyone about this in my house. I mean I can’t brought up this painfull truth of the life as chat in front of them. I did talk to my partner about my this and I even cry in front of him and hi did comfort me with many peaceful thoughts and words but still my tears won’t stop I love my family and him it’s hard…

Hi Yunya, have a scroll through the other comments and you’ll find you are far, far from alone. It’s part of growing up, to realise that we are mortal and that everyone around us is. We mourn it, and then we learn to value our life and those around us. So sounds to us like you are going through the normal process of separating from your parents as their child and becoming an adult yourself. Take things one day at a time. These feelings often naturally fade when we move out of the house and find a job and our own apartment and step more and more into adulthood. Often this panicking about parents dying is also a way to process our own fears about having to be independent, we can hide all those fears behind this other fear. What concerns us here is not the worries about mortality and loss but that you feel you can’t actually talk to your family. Do you have anyone else to talk to besides your new partner? If not, do consider booking some counselling. If you are at school you might find they offer free to low cost counselling to students. Sometimes we all need someone to talk to, and having a safe, unbiased space to discuss our feelings can really help. We wish you courage. Best, HT.

Sometimes when my parent leaves the house, and is gone for a while, I start panicking and start to think that something bad has happened to them, so I start crying, even after I text them and they tell me they are alright I continue to cry, is there any kind of explanation for what I’m feeling? I looked it up and it says it’s separation anxiety but I don’t think so. I’m terrified of being alone as well, just thinking about me in the future by myself without any of my siblings or parents/ grandparent makes me extremely sad and I’m scared. This is not the first time it has happened. I’m so scared of losing my parents, siblings, and my Gma, shes old and I’m not ready to lose her. When she leaves this earth I think I might actually become depressed, and that’s normal right? I know I won’t be able to function properly, I’m gonna be in all kinds of pain. It’s gonna be so weird because me, my mom and siblings are always visiting and having fun over there, then it’s just gonna be over. My brother had to leave and I won’t see him for years, maybe like 20 years and that has messed me up. The last time we saw each other was when I was like 14-15, and now we might not see each other until we’re in our 30-40s. I even gave up my spot to visit him so my younger siblings could have a chance so they don’t forget him or something, I hope his kids remember him somehow. I used to cry myself to sleep over it. We were so close growing up and I miss all the time that we spent together, but he had to leave and it’s just very painful, I don’t know how I’ll survive actually losing someone to death.

Hi there. So we are going to guess you are under the age of 22 and in the period of life where you are realising you are soon going to have to be an independent adult. Give a scroll through all the comments you will find you are far from alone in this sort of panic about losing loved ones. It’s very common in people of your age. We develop anxiety about losing loved ones as a way to manage our own anxiety about having to grow up and be independent basically. And we lose the ‘untouchable’ feeling teens seem to have, realise we are not untouchable but are vulnerable and mortal, and have to become a responsible adult. The anxiety starts to fade when we move out, go to school, get a job, and start to take charge of our life, realising our personal power. Otherwise, if the anxiety becomes unmanageable, do reach out and talk to someone, such as the counsellor at school or a trusted adult. Best, HT.

Thank you so much, I’ll try my best!

Ever since we rode on a new ride, the SteelHawk at an amusement park, World’s of Fun, me and my family go to every year, we went on it all the time and we loved everything about it. The view, the pretty lights, etc. A couple years later, I began to have fearful thoughts of one of my family members or myself killing themselves on it by falling off, or me doing it to them, which is definitely something I would never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, do. I love my family so much. A few years past and I stopped imagining it. Now, I work as a halloween screamer at Worlds of Fun. I have been watching the SteelHawk go and the thoughts kept coming back to me. I have been telling my twin sister about it and my Mom and luckily, they understand. Also, my twin sister has been going through this stage too. But still, I don’t want any of them dying on a really cool ride we have been on since it first came out. I really wanna not think about it anymore at all. Is there anything that’ll make me not think about it ever again? Thank you!

Hi Emily, if you scroll through the other comments, you can find comfort in the fact this is often a normal part of teenage years. We’d imagine that, unless these thoughts are also joined by many other anxious thoughts, that they will just fade with time. If you are having many other dark, anxious thoughts, however, then we’d advise seeing a counsellor to see if it’s anxiety. Otherwise, clinical hypnotherapy can be helpful, as can teaching yourself how to have balanced thoughts https://bit.ly/thinkbalance . Best, HT.

I’m 11 years old..and I have fear of losing my mother, sister or father. In my memories I heard my aunt say that their mother died when she was 45 years old..and my mother is 41-42 years old…I don’t know if this is my own imagination or what but whenever I think about it, I end up in tears. I am close to my sister. But, I cannot tell about this phobia to her..she would probably say that I just have to stop thinking like last time when I told her..I can’t tell my mother too..I don’t think she would understand me either well she may as she is a doctor…but…I don’t know if I should tell her or not…I cannot tell my father too. He wouldn’t really understand me…I don’t have anyone I can share this with… I’m dont know anyone I can trust.. I have friends…but I’m just a 6th wheeler among them. They all have friendships going on.. I don’t know what to do.. I am unable to sleep these days.Our school starts at 6:30 am so I have to wake up early which results in me not getting sleep at all. I don’t know why but I’m starting to get scared of birthdays… Birthday is just a day where we celebrate that the death of our loved ones is coming closer… I also am scared of the dark. Some times it gets so worse that I can’t even lift up our bed sheet and look under the bed because I start shaking. These days both 9f my phobias are active and I don’t get much sleep. I sleep like 3-4 hours a day.. And my sister, mother and father’s birthday is coming… My sister’s is on 23 oct. My father’s on 28 oct. My mother’s on 19 October…. Im thinking..I should give my mother loooootttts of gifts on her 45th birthday…I don’t care about my budget. I would rather give away all my money than lose my loved ones. Or at least…keep them happy… Please tell me what should I do..I’m in a situation where I cannot share it with anyone nor can I do anything..I mean I can but… If….. unfortunately….any loved one I hope not dies…I don’t think my mental health would stay stable anymore..

hi Alice, if you read through the comments, you’ll find you are in good company. A lot of young people have this fear. It starts when as an adolescent you realise that life is limited and not forever and one day you have to be independent of your parents. So in your case, it’s started a bit young. We’d imagine you are rather bright and that your tendency to think a lot has started this a bit early. What concerns us is that you don’t feel you can talk to your parents. You’d be surprised how much they might understand it. Everyone goes through this at some point, realising life is not forever and we all die and feeling anxious about that. So we’d say it’s worth giving them a try and not assuming you know how they would respond. It sounds also that this isn’t just about a fear of loss but that you might be developing anxiety. In this case it is important to seek help. Which might mean talking to your parents or a school counsellor and letting them know your thoughts are getting out of control and upsetting you. We have an article here on how to talk to your parents about mental health http://bit.ly/talktoparents . We are pretty sure if they had any idea you were struggling they would want to help. They are your parents. Also, we think you could benefit from a gratitude practise to help teach your mind to keep a more balanced perspective http://bit.ly/gratitudepractise . And don’t overlook calling a free, confidential helpline if you are feeling really lost, there are many just for teens where you can even text or send emails, we have a list of the ones here in the UK here if not google for one in your area http://bit.ly/HTrelationshipguide . Finally, you are not your thoughts. thoughts are just thoughts, we are something more. And when life happens, we tend to rise to the occassion in ways we never thought we’d be able to. Life can be be tough sometimes, but it’s also beautiful, and without challenges we’d never grow as people. Best, HT.

This article is really helpful and I have also had some therapy from Harley as I had a breakdown triggered by the pandemic and I was helped enormously by the therapy but I have other lingering problems that I think are so deep-rooted. I have had severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. My dad died of cancer when I was 9 then my 15 year old brother also died of cancer and my mum became an alcoholic. I was lost. People say it’s understandable but that doesn’t help me. I managed to make short-term friends at uni but only when it revolved around drinking as this took away my fear. Then I met my now partner who I have been with for almost 40 years. He grew up in care and had no-one either. We both gravitated to each other and have been inseparable ever since. We have a lovely adult son and a successful business together. I no longer drink. But I wake up every day panicking and thinking what if my partner dies. I love him so much; he is funny and outgoing and people are attracted to him. I am not lying when I say I know people find me strange and avoid me; I think my tension is palpable and makes them uncomfortable. I don’t enjoy these interactions one bit either in fact they are like torture. I don’t go anywhere much without my partner or son. Our life is very happy but we are getting older and both have health issues. I am so afraid of the nothingness if I am left alone; nobody to share my thoughts with, no-one to cuddle up to, nothing. I can do the physical things to live myself but that’s not what I’m worried about, it’s the emotional void. I don’t want my son to have the burden of me as a mum like I had with mine if I can’t cope. I have tried antidepressants but I don’t like the feeling of them; these thoughts are based in reality and I feel that masking them isn’t going to help me. I’ve had several courses of therapy from various sources but, although they have helped, they just can’t change the way I am and after many years I have come to the conclusion I am a broken person who just can’t be fixed. Any comment would be really appreciated.

Hi F, it’s curious that you say you have tried several courses of therapy. What has you stopping the therapy? Changing therapists? You see change is hard. Very hard. It requires working through the uncomfortable bits. Therapy has a lot of uncomfortable bits, also bits that seem pointless and feel like plateau-ing, or pulling teeth… and then breakthroughs happen. But you have to commit and stick it out. So then what it is that impedes this? Is it the type of therapy? Have you not found the right ‘click’ with a therapist themselves? Or…? Sometimes it can be that deep down we think we want change but we might not. Somehow, in ways it can take a lot of courage to admit to, we benefit from the world view we have decided is ‘based on reality’. We don’t necessarily agree that all of your thoughts are, we sense what is called ‘cognitive distortions’ going on, thinking that we have decided is reality but is our own distorted take on things. Whatever the case might be for you, we don’t think we have any right to tell you what’s what or how you can have any breakthrough based on a comment, as it is so much better to work with someone who can get to know you, and we worry you are just seeking endless opinions but will somehow turn it around to the same conclusion every time… that you are hopeless, that nothing can change.When you aren’t. Again, worth asking how it benefits you to decide you are broken and can’t be fixed. Finally, you obviously have a very strong mind that might on some levels not want to change. So you could try a modality that is less talk and more other ways of working, to circumvent your strong beliefs and work regardless if you do or don’t think you are beyond help. Such as as EMDR, clinical hypnotherapy, BWRT, and body psychotherapy. We’d highly recommend EMDR and BWRT to start as they both deal directly at changing the brain’s trauma response. Best, HT.

Thanks for the reply. The therapy I have had has been over the course of many years with various therapists. I don’t know why but somehow I don’t think I truly ever explain what I want to be fixed and we always seem to reach a point where the therapist seems satisfied I am doing much better and I agree with them. Then I go away and I’m still the same… I did notice how many negatives/can’ts/don’ts were in my previous post after I had written it. I know when you ask how it benefits me to feel I am broken there is probably an important reason but I’m unable to see it; consciously I would give anything to be more like the relaxed and happy people I see around me. I will look into BWRT and EMDR – thank you.

F this is actually a common issue with those who grew up in a precarious household. You mentioned your Father died when you were young and your mother became an alcoholic. What happens is that as a child we learn to read the damaged adult’s response very carefully and then be what they want us to be so we don’t risk negative attention and also so we get the positive attention we need to survive. This is also called codependency, we learn to create an identity based on bending who we are to make those around us happy. Again this can also just be a survival game, a way to avoid upsetting a parent who is unstable. The problem is that the child gets so used to hiding their anger and sadness and morphing to what they need to be that it becomes an ingrained habit. So then as adults we have this habit so perfected we think it is who we are even. Our own real identity can be largely lost in the fray. Then when we go to the hairdresser, dentist, or, yes, therapist, even if we practice saying what we want to say in advance suddenly there we are, saying just what we think that person wants us to say, being another person, actually (and walking out with the haircut we didn’t want!). After we feel anxious and uncomfortable as we are aware we can’t just be ourselves around others (you also mention this sort of pattern in all your social interactions). So a way to deal with this is to say right away in a first session, something along lines of, “I have a problem with pleasing, of being what I think a therapist wants, going into pleasing mode, I think I am scared of not being liked by a therapist, I want to discuss this now so I don’t do endless sessions where I am really not asking for what I need.” You say you want to be like the relaxed people around you, they are likely relaxed as they don’t have a radar constantly scanning for what others want and aren’t distracted and stressed by unconsciously trying to meet that perceived need, does that make sense? They are able to just be themselves likely because as a child this was not held against them. As for the reasons, a classic example is that always feeling different and unloved benefits us in that we can give ourselves an excuse to not try difficult situations, a way to avoid other hurt, and a way to feel sorry for ourselves, or even special, in a backwards way. Or we can use it to gain attention and support from others, even, sympathy. We aren’t saying these are your reasons, but we are pointing out there can be many benefits. BWRT and EMDR can really help to soothe this way of always living in ‘switched on’ mode, as it lowers and regulates the stress response that is connected to it. Best, HT.

I am a 47 year old lesbian whose wife is a decade older than I am. Even though my wife is in good health for her age, I worry about her death, sometimes to the point of crying about it. I have other family but they are busy with their own lives and I have a few close friends but they live far away. If something were to happen to my wife, I feel like I would be all alone. I also feel like if I tried to find support in the community that the fact that I lost a same sex spouse would make it hard to find support. When I think of life without my wife, I just imagine myself so alone that I eventually just give up and die.

Hi there Laura, this feels to us to be about much more than just this situation. Perhaps even an issue with connection and loneliness and never feeling like you fit in that we’d guess pre-dates meeting your wife. Would you consider going to counselling? We think it would be tremendously helpful for you, these are just the kinds of issues and anxieties talk therapy is perfect for, and we feel that it could make a real difference not just to this situation, but also your daily life. Best, HT.

Hey, am a 36 year old woman, eldest in my siblings, my parents are 65 and 60, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. I am Egyptian and unfortunately all my therapy experiences have been really bad or not useful. I haven’t been living with my parents for 10 years or so, after my divorce (6 years ago) I decided not to go back to my parents house as we clash a lot (me & my dad cause we are too much alike) when we are in the same space but this is how we know how to deal with each other yet the love is pretty much there. My anxiety has been kicking in hard though am on medications and I feel very guilty for not spending enough time with them, I fear of loosing them all the time, if I call and they don’t pick up, first thought is someone died, I am very close to my mom, I call her like a zillion times a day, I also ask about my dad through her all the time. I dunno how obsessing about it is gonna prevent it from happening, I might even go before them which also worries me cause they wont handle it specially my dad (He is super emotional and I believe he suffers from sever anxiety as well) Both my parents got sick a few months ago with covid and it was the worst time of my life, i moved in with them to take care of them and I can still remember the oxygen machine sound that mom used and it was just anxiety hell. I feel my life is on hold all the time, waiting for it to happen. My medications make me a bit emotionally numb but I here I am at my desk at work crying and writing you this. I am tired.

Hi there L. So when we have severe anxiety, our brain tends to pick one thing as it’s main ‘go to’, to feed the anxiety. And your has picked your parent’s death. Death is a common thing to have as a anxiety focus point. But the real issue is still the anxiety. How long did you stick with therapy? What kinds of therapy? Did you like your therapist? It’s not an instant fix and it can be a bit like dating to find the therapist you are comfortable with. With anxiety, particularly to this extreme, the wrong sort of therapy could backfire, for example, a therapy that just had you talking about your problems over providing you with actual tools, both for lowering your stress response, thinking in more useful ways, and coping. One tool that is shown by research to help anxiety is mindfulness. It requires daily commitment, but it’s easy to learn http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout . We’d suggest therapies that simply work to calm your stress response instead of endlessly going over the past, such as BWRT, clinical hypnotherapy or CBT. If there was trauma in your past EMDR is another great choice. Best, HT.

Hi there! I’m Prachi, 22 years old. Recently in COVID my friend lost her father. Since then I’m having this feeling like if I enjoy life too much, or be happy, something bad will happen to my family. 6 years back my dad was hospitalized due to a heart problem and at that time I felt my life is nothing without him, it will be better if I just die before him or with him and this thought still comes to my mind. And nowadays with COVID around, each and every death, I hear about gives me anxiety and that feeling comes in again like if I will be happy or most importantly if people will see me happy, something bad will happen. So I just don’t want anybody to know that I went out, or had a good time with my parents. I’m unable to deal with this. PS: The day my dad was hospitalized, we earlier had a great day, we talked, laughed, the weather was great and we went for a walk. So whenever I’m feeling that happiness, it just scares me.

Hi Prachi, the pandemic has seen a very sharp rise in anxiety issues worldwide. We are definitely seeing this in the UK so we confirm you are in good company and far from alone in this. What you are describing are indeed classic anxiety symptoms, which, yes, can be overwhelming. But give yourself credit as you are dealing with it, even if if feels hard to believe, you are making it through each day. Try to just do your best with each day over letting your mind, which is now addicted to anxious thoughts, to always be thinking of the future and whether you can or cannot cope. Just cope with this exact minute and be proud of yourself for each hour, minute, and day you get through. Then do seek support. Again, anxiety can be addictive, it’s hard to shake alone, we’d highly suggest you seek some counselling with someone who deals with anxiety, CBT therapy is a short term therapy that is shown by research to help with anxiety and you don’t even talk about your past really, it is focussed on current day issues. Also use our search bar to find all our articles on anxiety full of useful and free tips you can put into practice today, including our article on death anxiety, which is a common form of anxiety. We wish you courage. Best, HT.

My husband lately since losing a family friend has been having trouble sleeping bc all he can think about is if there’s a heaven or hell will he go to heaven, will he see everyone that has passed away in the afterlife, will he see me again (wife).Is he wasting time playing video games when he could be doing something else….It’s weird bc he has lost closer family members who he was much closer to and it didn’t phase him like it has now.How can I help him and comfort him?Why is he feeling this way?!?!HELP!!!!

Hey, I’m 18. I lost my father when I was 13, and at the same year I lost my grandfather too. After loosing my father this fear automatically fixed in my head that I’ll loose my other loved one like my mom or my brother. This thought is continuously roaming in my head for almost past 2 years and I’m fed up with it. I just keep on thinking about death even though I do not want to. My daily life is getting affected by this, I’m not able to focus on my studies or just sit quietly. No matter what I do these thoughts just won’t leave my head. I think these thoughts were just beginning cause now many negative thoughts of all types keeps roaming in my head. Either I will think bad about myself or someone else even though I know I’m not this kind of person. When I think about my loved ones death and I’m doing something like studying or sketching I think if I got this thing right nothing bad will happen. I keep thinking if I don’t do this thing right something bad will happen to my loved ones. I feel like I’m putting their life at stake when I do this. I don’t know what’s my problem is. I know it’s wrong but I don’t know how to stop this. Recently when these thoughts get heavy on my mind I wish I was dead rather than having these thoughts but at the same point I want to live too. I feel frustrated. I get irritated by these thoughts. I started meditation this year but it’s not helping a lot either, when I close my eyes only thing I think about is death of my loved ones. When my mom or my brother are out of house and are getting late I became anxious about their well being. After loosing my father things have been hard for us, we left our father’s house and got settled with our maternal grandmother, even then things are hard. I do not trust my relatives. I only want my mom and my brother. And I don’t know what is happening with me right now. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I was a lovely, energetic and and extrovert since I was a kid but now I think if I tell someone about my problems they won’t understand or feel burdened with me. I had cheerful personality till I was 15 but now I’m not even able to socialize. I feel like everytime I talk I only talk nonsense. I don’t know what to do in life. I feel like to hit on my head multiple times.

And sometimes my breathing gets heavy and fast because of these thoughts

Hey, I’m 18. I lost my father when I was 13, and at the same year I lost my grandfather too. After loosing my father this fear automatically fixed in my head that I’ll loose my other loved one like my mom or my brother. This thought is continuously roaming in my head for almost past 2 years and I’m fed up with it. I just keep on thinking about death even though I do not want to. My daily life is getting affected by this, I’m not able to focus on my studies or just sit quietly. No matter what I do these thoughts just won’t leave my head. I think these thoughts were just beginning cause now many negative thoughts of all types keeps roaming in my head. Either I will think bad about myself or someone else even though I know I’m not this kind of person. When I think about my loved ones death and I’m doing something like studying or sketching I think if I got this thing right nothing bad will happen. I think that if I do this thing wrong something bad will happen to my loved ones. I feel like I’m putting their life at stake when I do this. I don’t know what’s my problem is. I know it’s wrong but I don’t know how to stop this. Recently when these thoughts get heavy on my mind I wish I was dead rather than having these thoughts but at the same point I want to live too. I feel frustrated. I get irritated by these thoughts. I started meditation this year but it’s not helping a lot either, when I close my eyes only thing I think about is death of my loved ones. When my mom or my brother are out of house and are getting late I became anxious about their well being. After loosing my father things have been hard for us, we left our father’s house and got settled with our maternal grandmother, even then things are hard. I do not trust my relatives. I only want my mom and my brother. And I don’t know what is happening with me right now. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I was a lovely, energetic and and extrovert since I was a kid but now I think if I tell someone about my problems they won’t understand or feel burdened with me. I had cheerful personality till I was 15 but now I’m not even able to socialize. I feel like everytime I talk I only talk nonsense. I don’t know what to do in life. I feel like to hit on my head multiple times. Sometimes my breathing becomes heavy and fast because of these thoughts. I just feel this problem is getting bigger and bigger day by day.

Hey, I’m 18. I lost my father when I was 13, and at the same year I lost my grandfather too. After loosing my father this fear automatically fixed in my head that I’ll loose my other loved one like my mom or my brother. This thought is continuously roaming in my head for almost past 2 years and I’m fed up with it. I just keep on thinking about death even though I do not want to. My daily life is getting affected by this, I’m not able to focus on my studies or just sit quietly. No matter what I do these thoughts just won’t leave my head. I think these thoughts were just beginning cause now many negative thoughts of all types keeps roaming in my head. Either I will think bad about myself or someone else even though I know I’m not this kind of person. When I think about my loved ones death and I’m doing something like studying or sketching I think if I got this thing right nothing bad will happen. I feel like if I don’t get it right something bad will happen to my loved ones. I feel like I’m putting their life at stake when I do this. I don’t know what’s my problem is. Recently when these thoughts get heavy on my mind I wish I was dead rather than having these thoughts but at the same point I want to live too. I feel frustrated. I get irritated by these thoughts. I started meditation this year but it’s not helping a lot either, when I close my eyes only thing I think about is death of my loved ones. When my mom or my brother are out of house and are getting late I became anxious about their well being. After loosing my father things have been hard for us, we left our father’s house and got settled with our maternal grandmother, even then things are hard. I do not trust my relatives. I only want my mom and my brother. And I don’t know what is happening with me right now. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I was a lovely, energetic and and extrovert since I was a kid but now I think if I tell someone about my problems they won’t understand or feel burdened with me. I had cheerful personality till I was 15 but now I’m not even able to socialize. I feel like everytime I talk I only talk nonsense. I don’t know what to do in life. I feel like to hit on my head multiple times. My mom and brother are very loving towards me. Even when things are going right I think something bad will happen. I talked about all these things with my mom but it’s not helping. These thoughts keep coming back. I’ve anxiety(told by doctor) but these thoughts just makes me weak and it feels like they are getting out of control and bigger problems. Even if I’m watching a film or show or reading a book I connect negatively to them. Everything bad that happens in movie or book I connect it with myself. Sometimes any dialogue makes me think negatively even if it’s a good one. I keep on having negative thoughts about everything around me. Sometimes my breathing becomes heavy and fast because of all these thoughts. And I don’t know how to cope up.

Hello. I’m 22, turning 23 this month, and all of a sudden today I started crying for my Grandpa. He’s still kicking at 80+ years but he’s getting old. I hear from my uncle that his mind is slowly deteriorating. He’s not the man that we all remember. My heart aches knowing that with every year he grows older. I fear for what is to come. Lately I have been so busy with moving out of my parents’ place into my boyfriend’s place, work, college, I haven’t spent as much time as I should with him. I’m regretting it so much. I know it’s not too late to visit, but I am also scared to see him and be reminded that he isn’t getting younger, and his mind isn’t what it used to be. It’s going to tear me apart. You also mentioned in the article how there might be another fear behind the scenes like loneliness. Recently, my family and I haven’t been getting along, so the thought of my Grandpa, the only person who has loved me unconditionally from the very beginning just leaving all of a sudden really hurts. Bad. I’m crying and can’t got to bed and I don’t want to accept what’s next.

My phone got stolen just few days back. It’s the first time in my life. It carried several memories of my last 3 years of life. More than most of it was not backed up, all gone. As soon as I came into the realisation that my pocket of memories were gone, dying felt better. I wasn’t able to process the situation I got. To many it will sound like me being over dramatic. However, I realised that one breathes life in a non living thing by the heart one puts in it. And this triggered my fear more, of losing my parents one day, since I never had anyone else apart from them since I was a kid. Now I’m 25 and it breaks my heart to see them grow old and weak. Upon that, I have been coming across death news quite often, that’s been affecting me more. Thus, everything I do have started looking meaningless and it feels there’s something heavy weighing on my chest, and there’s a constant voice I can hear within me, telling stuff. I don’t know how to go about things.

Hello, I’m worried about my parents, specifically my mom, passing away. Right now I’m having extreme anxiety about it, I just started college and it’s going ok considering my issues with sleep apnea and anxiety. My mother and father had me late in their lives (40) and recently my grandparents have all gotten more ill with time. I’m very scared about losing these people because I sometimes struggle making new connections in my life. My aunt’s and uncles are having grandchildren and I feel like a disappointment that I haven’t been working towards finding a partner and having children, my parents have never put pressure on me about this but I still feel like I need to provide them with help and love and grandkids. I feel like I am rambling a little bit, but it’s just helpful to get it out. I felt a little stupid searching up feelings of irrational anxiety about loved ones but I’m glad resources like this are here for people. Thank you very much.

I read through all of the comments and responses. But I didn’t see any quite like mine. I’m 35, I’ve been happily married for 10 years to my soul mate, the only person in the whole world who truly knows me and loves me anyway. Together, we have 3 sons (ages 9, 5, and 1). They are our world. My husband is an amazing father. He is the hero, the comforter, the pitcher, the catcher, the head of our home. He is a strong man of God, and loves us all better then we could ever imagine. My boys adore their dad, I am more in love with him now then ever before. While I often wonder what I did to deserve this man, those questions quickly cover me in fear. Heavy, breath taking, gut punching fear. What if he died tomorrow, how would I ever get through it? What would happen to my boys? They would be so broken, so crushed and left with an emptiness that I could never fill. What would we do without him? How would we endure the pain? It feels so real and so unbearable I sob just thinking about it. How do I deal with this? I’ll also add, I AM A THERAPIST! And this cripples me :(.

Hi I just lost a friend suddenly and since having extreme anxiety/panick attacks about losing my young family in the same way, I’m so close with the friends partner who passed that I literally feel in their shoes, how I would cope how I would be enough for my children on my own I’m only 31 it’s crippling me so bad to the point it’s effecting my every day life I just don’t know how to overcome it will I ever feel better? Just have a gut wrenching sick feeling constantly I can’t eat struggling with sleep to.

Hi, Thank you for this article. also my English is bad don`t mind it. I`m 24 and for the past year i have felt like this. Before, I was a girl who afraid of death. i was afraid of thinking, talking about death. also i overthink every little thing in my life. i worried about my past mistakes, thing that i told someone. in the past year, I lost my ex boyfriend due to suicide. we had a 2 year relationship and we had to choose different paths so we broke up. for me that was one thing i had to get over. i really loved him and i really dreamed about our future together. so i really tried to move on and after one year i met someone who liked me before even i know him. after some months i decided to say yes to him because with him i felt i can move on from my first love. i thought everything is now okay and i moved on. after 4 years one day i met my ex oneday and he was depressed. he talked about death all the time so i was afraid that anything will happens to him so every time he calls me i answered his calls without hesitation. me and one of his friend tried hard to save him but at the end we couldn`t. in those days my boyfriend, my friends and my family supported me a lot but i don’t know i was down for several months. i cried every day, i overslept, i didn`t do any works. i felt like it was my fault i blamed me every day. then i tried online counseling, not a professional it’s more like a conversation. after those email conversations i felts little bit well. i learned to live with the grief. but the thing is for the past year most of the time i think about my loved one’s death. i cry after those thoughts, sometimes i cannot sleep. also, i always sleep after 3 a.m. i don’t know why but no matter what i can`t fall asleep before that time. also, whenever i heard about someone death because of suicide i don’t know i feel heaviness in my heart. i search a lot about those peoples like how they died and so on. i just feels the pain even though they are strangers.

Hi. Since past this month, I’ve been getting some really bad anxieties of my parents dying (specially my mom) and it haunts me to death. Lately my mom’s health has started to deteriorate and we can’t really figure out the main cause. Because of this, I’ve started to believe that she’s suffering from a severe disease. At day I’m all fine, but in the night I suddenly start panicking, making scenarios of my mom’s death. I heavily relate to your point that I’m really dependant on my mom. People don’t really talk to me as I’m a boring person (my social life is on the verge of collapsing haha). The only people who makes me feel special are my family. Especially my mom’s the only one who understands me. Losing her means I lose a part of me. The worst part is I don’t know how I’m going to cope up if she somehow, died. There are times when I think I would kill myself if something like happens and honestly, that terrifies me. Reading your article made me to understand myself better

Hi, I am 28 yr old… its been a year and half since i lost my grandfather. He was really dear to me.. Rather the one i love the most.. that was the first time i had experienced the loss of someone so close to me.. Experience human loss had never been an easy experience for me.. In past i did lost both my paternal grandparents. Although i wasn’t close to them, it did left an impact on my find and heart for quite a long time.. But loosing my maternal grandfather had left me to utter shock.. i haven’t been able to recover from the loss… Since then i am really scared of loosing any other loved one.. I do get this feeling of loosing someone near and dear every now and then and that leaves me into anxiety. I don’t know how to get over this… but this has been a worst experience… When things are going smooth suddenly a thought pass by my head that please god don’t take away any of my other family member. Every time i hear anyone’s sudden demise I really get into fear of what if the same thing happens to my loved ones any day… I am scared that what if someday i wake up and i hear some bad news or i don’t see my mom or my brother or my dad… I do check if they are okay in the morning.. That’s been my first thing in the morning…. I hate being so scared… i hate being like this… Recently, I have been getting the flash backs of the last moments of my Grandpa as well.. I know i may sound like a psycho but i am just too scared of loosing any one else… i know i have always been scared of death.. but this has been way too long now.. and i don’t how to get over this.. I do miss my grandpa..and i want to just cherish the happy moments with him and not his last rites.. That had been the worst time of my life..but i have some great memories with him… he’s my hero… and will always be.. whenever i dream of him its always about his last moment.. i want to dream about our happy moments together as well…

I’m 14 but i have been dealing with anxiety about death since i was extremely young. Even when i was as young as 5 I remember crying in my bed because i was scared my grandpa who was in his 80s was going to die and that whenever my dad went to the store for a little too long he was leaving me or when we were on vacation and i lost my parents in the store they were abandoning me because they didn’t like me. Anyways when I was about 10 my grandpa actually did die from a stroke. In a way, I was relieved but I was crying and crying for so long. I am even closer with my other grandparents and they are approaching the age that my other grandpa died at. I am terrified that they will die too and change everything about my whole life. I am aware they probably won’t be alive by the time i graduate college, but it feels like time is just moving by so quickly that their death could just happen in a few years but it would feel like a few weeks. I woke up at 3:30 am and it’s now 4:30 please help me

Hello. I am just turning 13 this year and basically only have my mom, my sister, and my dog. My grandparents both died in their 60s and 70s while my Dad died while I was 6. I am mainly worried of my mom. I keep having images of her funeral and seeing her being old and in her deathbed (hospital bed) with or without me l. I cannot bear to see her suffer. I have a therapist yet even therapy can’t seem to help. My school counselor had to speak with me since I splurged out on my science teacher with all my drama since she was teaching anxiety coping skills. I feel anxious when I am having a good time, I feel gloomy whenever my mom tries to cheer me up.. I just feel like I’m in an endless hole of grief.

PS. My mom is 47 and I am 12 so I keep doing math for some reason (example: “when I’m 50 she will be 85.. at this point she might not live to see me at 60..”

I’m 23, one year ago I lost my boyfriend to Suicide. And ever since that incident I am very paranoid about things like death and grief. Since I was a child I’ve always had this fear of losing my parents to death, I also worry about my sister. So basically 3 persons whom I care the most in my life. My life revolves around them and I’m nothing without them. I agree the writing about having a codependent relationship, I think this is very accurate in case me. My family’s mood and situations heavily affects mine. And as the first child I always think that it’s my responsibility to make things better whenever they go wrong. It’s not that I’m complaining but sometimes I feel so scared thinking about that if someday my parents are with me what am I gonna do? How will I manage stuffs? will I able to take the pain, will I able to do everything after they leave? or should I just kill myself too then. Stuffs like these exhaust me. And I do remind that I’m just assuming a future and I still got my present but that’s not enough for me to call down. I still worry. I’m trying to get a job currently, I have plans to enjoy life with my family but what if one day I wake up and see they’re not with me what do I do then? my plans will come to an end, and eventually my life too.

And all these makes me suffer in my present. What do I do. I think there’s a big pain and suffering waiting for me in the future which has started hurting me from now itself.

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Narrative Essay on Losing a Loved One

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Losing a loved one is a profound experience that reshapes our lives in ways we never imagined. It’s a journey through grief that challenges our resilience, alters our perspectives, and ultimately teaches us about the depth of love and the impermanence of life. This narrative essay explores the emotional odyssey of losing a loved one, weaving through the stages of grief, the search for meaning, and the slow, often painful, journey towards healing.

The Unthinkable Reality

It was an ordinary Tuesday morning when the phone rang, shattering the normalcy of my life. The voice on the other end was calm yet distant, bearing the kind of news that instantly makes your heart sink. My beloved grandmother, who had been battling a long illness, had passed away in her sleep. Despite the inevitability of this moment, I was not prepared for the crushing weight of the reality that I would never see her again. The initial shock was numbing, a protective cloak that shielded me from the full impact of my loss.

The Onslaught of Grief

In the days that followed, grief washed over me in waves. At times, it was a quiet sadness that lingered in the background of my daily activities. At others, it was a torrential downpour of emotions, leaving me gasping for air. I struggled with the finality of death, replaying our last conversations, wishing for one more moment to express my love and gratitude. Anger, confusion, and disbelief intermingled, forming a tumultuous storm of feelings I could neither control nor understand.

The rituals of mourning—funeral arrangements, sympathy cards, and memorial services—offered a semblance of structure amidst the chaos. Yet, they also served as stark reminders of the gaping void left by my grandmother’s absence. Stories and memories shared by friends and family painted a rich tapestry of her life, highlighting the profound impact she had on those around her. Through tear-stained eyes, I began to see the extent of my loss, not just as a personal tragedy but as a collective one.

The Search for Meaning

As the initial shock subsided, my grief evolved into a quest for meaning. I sought solace in religion, philosophy, and the arts, searching for answers to the unanswerable questions of life and death. I learned that grief is a universal experience, a fundamental part of the human condition that transcends cultures, religions, and time periods. This realization brought a sense of connection to those who had walked this path before me, offering a glimmer of comfort in my darkest moments.

I also found meaning in honoring my grandmother’s legacy. She was a woman of incredible strength, kindness, and wisdom, who had touched the lives of many. By embodying her values and continuing her work, I could keep her spirit alive. Volunteering, pursuing passions that we shared, and passing on her stories to younger generations became ways to heal and to make sense of a world without her.

The Journey Towards Healing

Healing from the loss of a loved one is neither linear nor predictable. There were days when I felt overwhelmed by sadness, and others when I could smile at fond memories. I learned to accept that grief is not something to be “overcome” but rather integrated into my life. It has become a part of who I am, shaping my understanding of love, loss, and the preciousness of life.

Support from friends, family, and sometimes strangers, who shared their own stories of loss, played a crucial role in my healing process. Their empathy and understanding provided a safe space to express my feelings, to cry, to laugh, and to remember. Counseling and support groups offered additional perspectives and coping strategies, highlighting the importance of seeking help and connection in times of sorrow.

Reflections on Love and Loss

Through this journey, I have come to understand that the pain of loss is a testament to the depth of our love. Grieving deeply means we have loved deeply, and this is both the curse and the beauty of human connections. The scars of loss never truly fade, but they become bearable, interwoven with the love and memories we hold dear.

Losing a loved one is a transformative experience that teaches us about resilience, compassion, and the enduring power of love. It reminds us to cherish the time we have with those we love, to express our feelings openly, and to live fully in the present moment. While the absence of a loved one leaves an irreplaceable void, their influence continues to shape our lives in profound ways.

In closing, the journey through grief is uniquely personal, yet universally shared. It challenges us to find strength we didn’t know we had, to seek connection in our shared humanity, and to discover meaning in the face of loss. Though we may never “get over” the loss of a loved one, we learn to carry their legacy forward, finding solace in the love that never dies but transforms over time.

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Compose a narrative essay about a student's first day at a new school

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Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don't belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an "us-them" mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don't belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

APA Reference Lobozzo, J. (2012, November 28). Fear of Losing Someone You Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, August 1 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/11/fear-of-losing-someone-you-love

Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

I’m so terrified to lose my grandpa. Sometimes late at night I will catch myself thinking about the day he won’t be with me anymore I can’t even stand the thought of it. I will bawl my eyes out just thinking about it. I’m so terrified of losing him.

I used to think the same thing when I was younger. I’m older now and my grandpa did pass, it was incredibly painful but I got through it and I still feel him with me now more than ever.

I´ve lost plenty things. True loves. Pets who were more close than brothers. Dreams. Best friends who were some of the few who understood me. And so I meet this woman who is everything I´ve ever wanted in a woman. And reading you guys helps me see that those who we have lost things, also fear.

I haven't thought of it like that. You've shown me a new perspective and a way to cope with my situation. Thank you very much for posting this.

I have several afflictions, severe ptsd, severe anxiety are some. I finally found someone worth to marry and be with. He is younger than I. In the past few years I thought I almost lost him, doctors were baffled about his seizures that just started. I pushed his neurologist at the emergency room to test him sleeping. We found out he had sleep apnea which I already knew he had. Tests then shows his lung capacity is very low and oxygen levels. The last emergency room visit really scared me. I believe he died and came back when paramedics arrived. Because he had such a low oxygen level resuscitation doesn’t work. I could see the fear in the paramedics eyes when working on him...... This was Nov 2018 and now May 2019 I still don’t feel confident enough he will be ok .... his cpap machine is working but he has to wear it 8 hours a night and when he doesn’t have it on long enough I notice changes in him ... I should be feeling relieved and thankful to have him but I cannot get this fear of loosing him out of my mind. I am afraid to see him die.. I wonder if my own afflictions amplify my emotions to where I panic constantly something is wrong... Luckily he has not had paramedics or emergency room visits this year but I am still afraid... so much that I even thought about running away because I don’t think I can bare it and would loose myself.. I love him deeply and still I stay because I am also worried about him taking care of.... He loves me deeply and I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband. It’s everyone’s dream to find someone who is good and connect in a way that no one else can. I have found him ... A needle in the haystack is what he is. Why can’t I just be happy?

My sister and me are going through the fear of losing our mom in the next couple of years. I've learned to embrace life and love the people around me to the fullest, but my sister is running from it. She doesn't want to face what may happen and she's letting the fear consume and control her.

Hi Dr Aman, I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 mos nkw. My anxiety has gotten to a breaking point of realization, that I deal with anxiety. My boyfriend has been receiving the bad part of it. I have been approaching him about this almost daily, trying to explain to him how it has taken over me and tried to show him that I am getting educated on it through self help podcasts . I continously fear that talking to him has now pushed him away emotionally and drained him . What can I do?

Hi Jodi, please reply me. I am a new mom of 3montgs boy. We were so happy in our 4years marriage n then being parents, suddenly everything changed. My spouse got a brain stroke after a week of my delivery. He is mostly recovered now but still has clot in brain. He is just 33 and our parenthood just started. I m always worried abt him, that I may loose him.. Can't think of living without him..please tell me how to be positive here..

Hi, I was in the same situation as yourself many years ago. My husband and father of my three kids had a stroke when my youngest son was 2. He was only 33. I should mention that I had worried about things happening to him before it did. This was just my anxiety though, you may also be suffering from post natal depression, even if it’s only mild it can still exasperate your fear. My husband stroke was bad, however he lived for years, he eventually died of something totally unrelated. Just remember that you cannot change anything by worrying. I learned that the hard way, and at the time controlled my panic by drinking too much. I am currently going through a depression and anxiety spell, I seem to get this each year around spring time. Please don’t worry, everything is as it should be. Xxx

Hi, I am in relationship and I am afraid of losing him after we move on after completion of course : After one year. I am so afraid ... It haunts me ... because we both are not ready to commit. But it's this anxiety is just not going. I talked to my bf and he promised that we will be friends. It's just something is making me worried and I am not able to relax. I already have depression issues. Please help

Hi, I am in relationship and I am afraid of losing him after we move on after completion of course : After one year. I am so afraid ... It haunts me ... because we both are not ready to commit. But it's this anxiety is just not going. I talked to my bf and he promised that we will be friends. It's just something is making me worried and I am not able to relax. I already have depression issues. Please help.

"People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.) This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected." That doesn't make sense to me. The loved one is gone. The relationship is over.

I once had an panic attack during school because my best friend started yell I'm at me and told me she doesn't like me and doesn't wanna be friends anymore and at that time I wasn't 13 now I mean 14 and it sad because I don't remember my panic attack Just the first 3 seconds

Dear Jodi.i just come across this blog because I'm having great anxiety over losing loved ones,the last four years I have lost 7 people in my famiy,my grandma,my two nephews,my brother in law,my brother,then my mom,my dds passed years ago,anyway when someone I love leaves to travel I go into extreme worry and fret,i have never felt like this before until th epassing of my mom last year with cancer,its only been four years from losing all this people in my life,i ws so so close to my mom and brother,i am in grief counseling but these feelings just seem to overwhelm me and my counselor said its common to feel this separation anxiety but I am having time coping,its only for a few days but feels so scary.i am normally a level headed intelligent person but emotions are strong with this grief.thank you,shari

Hello there, So since young I have a fear of having people to leave. I have been to funerals of my dad's brother, his step mother, my grand aunt and recently to my grandmother's. Their death were all very sudden for me and I used to not know what death was to be honest. I am diagnosed with Anxiety and mild depression but I never told the doctor that I am actually just suffering from fear of losing people around me. Currently, friends and relatives have left me and its an on going cycle for me. And all I have left was my family. I realised that I began to rather stay at home than to go to school because I know my family will return home. But now, I am even fearing what if they don't come back one day. It keeps me up at night every night and caused me insomnia. I have no idea how many times have I broken down in tears this year just fearing the lost of them one day. I was so stuck with myself and could not move on and yet I am also afraid of my family having to leave me. Its like I rather die than to have them leave me but I feel so guilty when I think about suicide because I will be the one leaving my family behind. I felt like I shouldn't be thinking such things and I feel that if anything, I don't want my family to suffer but I don't want them to leave me too. I feel so horrible and lost. Please tell me what should I do or at least advise me on something.

I’m only 11 but my mamas died last year and she took care of me, and she was a healthy happy 48 year old and then she got in a car wreck bc a semi truck stopped in the middle of the road. Now I’m terrified of loosing my papaw. I don’t even want him to drop me off at school bc I’m afraid he’ll wreck on the way to work. Idk what to do, I feel like god is mad at me for something. Can someone please tell me how to fix this?

God is not mad at you. He loves you dearly. I just that sometimes bad things happen to good people because we all have free will. I’m sorry you lost your mother, I lost mine too but I’m much older. It’s hard at any age but harder to understand when you’re younger. Just know you’re truly and deeply loved by your Father in Heaven. Focus on Him and your pain will lessen over time.

I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago. She was in the hospital, but was doing well, about to be discharged. I was talking to her on the phone that morning, and a couple hours later a nurse was asking me what my mother's last wishes were. She was gone in the next 10 minutes as I dropped to my knees begging God not to take my Mom. We had plans to see each other with in the next month, T Thanksgiving and Christmas were coming. My granddaughter, her great granddaughter was about to turn 3 and was talking like crazy. She was about to meet her one month old great grandson for the first time. How can she be gone? I miss her so much it hurts. I middle thru most days, push down the tears, seem happy most of the time. But some days, like today, i can't hide it and i cry uncontrollably. How can i get thru the rest of my life without seeing her if 6 months is this hard? My granddaughter is 3 , and anytime I'm not with her, if she goes vto her other Grandmothers or goes shopping with my daughter in law, I have this fear that something awful is going to happen, a car wreck, a stranger taking her, something awful. Then I'm paralyzed with fear and worry thst the last time I saw her will be it. Did I play with her enough, was I patient enough with her, does she know how much I love her, that I would do anything to protect her and keep her safe.........i worry and grey till I know she's ok. I'm drained, anxious, depressed, and don't know what to do. I want to call my mom and I can't. I feel like I have no control over anything.

I have always feared of loosing my best friend . I have no idea how to deal with it . She no doubt loves me alot but whenever she makes new friends i m like why she is talking to someone else . I have never been so closed to someone else except her . I dont even like to socialize after I have met her. I hate talking to people for long time . I want her whole attention all the time but obviously this is impossible . Please tell me what should I do to overcome all this

I needed this article, thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. Much love and peace be with you, Godbless!

I have a paralyzing fear of losing my family. Three years ago my dad passed 5 days before my birthday. He was my best friend and had a friendship as well as a father daughter relationship and also the birthday before that, I turned 25, and I specifically told them it was the best birthday I had ever had. They were both happy and came to see me, my husband was there and e erything was perfect so my birthday is always blah..ugh..sad. so I went on a downward spiral and had just taken baby steps to leading a semi-normal life and this was 3 years after his passing! I'm still all to hell. In June of this year I got the call that my cousin passed away, I was again broken. As if it wasn't hard enough my precious, amazing grandmother passed away the day before we buried my cousin. My heart is now in pieces and I'm trying to lead a normal life when another death! I got my baby, puppy, Winni, when I was 15 and I am now 29. I have went from a little girl promising her mom she would take care of it and pay for her all by myself to a 29 year old woman who is married and lives in a totally different city and zip code. My Winni, was my ONLY constant in the crazy life I have lived and now she is gone. She was my child, not my dog. I have had 2 miscarriages and Winni was right there, she was my therapy dog. She got me out of bed, she gave me a purpose, especially in her older years. She was my girl, my ride or die, my soul mate, my baby, the love of my life and she is gone. I literally don't know how to live without her and now I won't have her at my weakest times. I'm so scared and so lost. My family is taking a beating and I'm terrified for what is next.

I also have been diagnosed years ago with severe anxiety and depression and it has gotten unbearable with these deaths. I have trichotillomania, which means that I pull out my hair. I started after dad, three and a half years ago and it has gotten so bad that I won't answer the door or even walk out of my bedroom without makeup on and my eyebrow colored in. It has progressed into skin picking and I have now scarred my face, especially my eyebrow, a lot will never come back. I have very thick eyebrows so it is very noticeable. This OCD, fear of losing everyone I love and to pain we go through has been too much for me and I'm honestly scared I will become an agoraphobe. This is not a life to live. I'm sorry, I felt I had to add that.

Dear Sally, I hope this article helped you. I know it did help me. I hope that you felt the same peace that I did when it wrote about all of us being connected. We are all just energy. We are made out of molecules that are balls of energy and it is in our brain where we separate ourselves from one another. You said that your way of life is not a way to live. You should be happy that those people in your life are a part of you and influenced and molded you. Their legacy lives on in you. Energy cannot be created or destroyed and you cannot lose the part of you that is them. I hope this brings you peace. Try not to be afraid and go out and spread more love with your husband and new friends! I will pray that things look up for you, Sally. Much love, Someone who cares

I too have trichotillomania and had my eyebrows tattooed on ($400) by a process called microblading. It has been one of the best decisions I have made. Do research your research before choosing. I would advise meditating.

Sally I am so sorry. I can completely relate to you, as i have had a very similar series of events. My thoughts are with you, i promise you will be okay. Sending lots of love your way

My bf told me to order cake for his sister's birthday,I was too late and there's no cake anymore.he told me it was okay but he didn't talk to me..when I text him he replied me but was so cold...I don't want to lose him..I think he was very angry..what will I do?

I'm worried about myself and it really scares the hell out me and what could happen please help

I chanced upon this article because I do encounter such fear recently. What I learnt help best is to be happy and to enjoy the time spent with them tremendously and dont wait until it's too late. I will seize the day I have with my loved ones and stop bickering about the little stuff. When I get anxious and fear myselfing losing that someone I love, I try to write all the happy things we spent together and are going to spend together. It helps! Try to think positive as much as you can :)

For many months now, I have extreme fear of losing my mum and the life I'm having now. My dad passed away for around 7 years and now I only have my mum and elder brother. I don't have a best friend and my mum has been my main pillar of support for every event of my life. I really feel like I will die without her, even as I'm typing this now. I feel suffocated and have a very uncomfortable feeling around my chest just thinking about it. I will always feel like crying and even throwing up sometimes. Some may say if I can get pass my dad's death, I can get over this as well. But no, I know it will definitely be different from losing my dad. My dad was rather irresponsible; he smoked and slept at home all day, my mum even had to pay for his expenses apart from all the food and bills. There was a time my dad even beat my mum and brother after a quarrel over money. I definitely have a lot of resentment towards my dad, but still I took a very long time to get over his death. If that's the case, I'm not sure if I could even survive without my mum, who sacrifice so much for the family. Right now, my mum is almost 60 but still works as a house cleaner 7 days a week to support our family since my brother is in the uni now. I'm currently working full time but my salary is not that much to support the whole family and the best I could do is reduce my mum's burden by giving her a huge portion of my salary. I will also help to do as much chores as I could to reduce her work loads. However, I feel like no matter what I do, I will still lose her sooner or later. By the time me and my brother could finally repay her, the time is going to be extremely limited. When I see that my mum is getting so much older and weaker, it just breaks my heart. I know I shouldn't be so negative and should be cherishing all the moments I have with my love ones instead of griefing over the loss of it in advance, and if I focus so much on the bad things I will not be able to enjoy anything at all but I couldn't help it. Whenever we are having a good time, I will always thought of it ending, and true enough, it ends. That greatly contributed to my fear and now this fear has really taken over my life. Each passing day is like a nightmare to me, and it's bringing me closer to the end of happiness by force. I can't sleep at night with all these thoughts of losing. I want to stop that, which is why I'm reading this article and many others related to this issue but it didn't seem to help me. I really want to live a normal life like how I used to and enjoy every single day of my life, without having the constant fear that is haunting me now.. but I couldn't find any help..

I know how do u feel. I live in this constant fear of losing my dad, my mom n my brother. I am so dependent on them it feels like I'm gonna die if I lose em. My parents are not from a really rich family background they worked hard to provide us a better life. My dad is getting old n live in this constant fear of losing him it's like I would completely break apart if something like that happens. Even now when I am writing this I can't stop crying I'm just working hard for them so that I could repay them with all those things that they provided us with. Even now when I am writing this reply I couldn't stop crying. When I am with them I'm all happy and smiling but when I'm alone I just couldn't stop thinking about this thing that I would lose them someday and I have no clue what would I do when it will actually happen. I don't really get attached to anybody else only because of this reason I don't get indulge into relationships only because of this reason

I have had fear of loosing my near n dear ones from when i was a kid.These days its started to bother me a lot.I am afraid if something might happen to them when they r travelling or going somewhere with other people.I dont fear my death but i am more worried if something would happen to them.Every time i hear about a death , I tend to imagine myself in that situation and start to worry a lot.It takes away half my happiness and am always worried.I have no idea how to overcome this fear.

Im in a relationship of 7 month with my bf we love wach other i had a night out where i was drunk msg d my ex bf felt so guilty told my bf he was very understanding but since im having anexiety and panic attacks bas thoughts i dont wana lose my bf but in same time as hes far away i m afraid to see him and know that this love is gone , confused of having any feeling left to my ex which is never truly had and im the one who ended it plz help what is that im having horrible panic attacks

Hi. My bf and I moved very quickly in our relationship,. We haven't even been together 4 months... but in those 4 months, I started college, my grandma died, and my mom got diagnosed with leukemia. I've had so much pain and he's been here with me through it all. I think the craziness is what made our relationship move on. The thing is, all of the craziness is making me feel like he might want to run. How do I mange these feelings? Should I express my fears to him?

I am afraid of losing my family. This fear started about two years ago. Now, even thinking that my big sister is gojng to marry and leave us bring me to tears. It's not about death anymore. But I'm sure that death is the biggest problem. Thinking about how my grandma is so old, and that she might die soon breaks me, literally. I unconsciously imagine dad after losing his mom and my aunts as well, I imagine grandma's siblings after the loss. And the greater, I put myself in that time, like, imagine what would it feel like if she actually died. I don't know if my words make sense, but this fear is just becoming unbearable.

Am tabitha i met this guy five months ago we started chatting and became soo close but afraid of meeting him gave many excuses cz i was afraid and did trust him fully cz of my past experiences though he was so sweet and good to me , so i devide to visit him and and had a good time there was a strong connection between us . Later i told him i lied so he got so mad at me that didnt want to see me does text me or call what can i do am depressed angry at myself inreally want him back

I have a boyfriend.i always thinking about him and suffuring from scared of loosing him.l have done some mistake in my life and he know everything very well.It made me so sad as he never trust me.because of these thing i am always feeling dipressed,scared,breathing problem and crazy like a psycho person. I just don’t want to be without him but he want to leave me i am feeling like i am going mad abot him.please suggest me how can i deal with this situation or any medicine for this problem.

If you're focusing on being scared of losing him then you've already lost him. Focus on keeping him repairing what you have broken but if he doesn't trust you then maybe it's time for you both to move on because for love to work it has to be based on a secure foundation.. so it's 50/50 Repair the trust that he lost in you or just let him move on so yaw both can be free.. @ the end of the day you have to find securefor yoruself

Even I have same fear of loss of my parents from my childhood..now my husband and daughter..some one suggest how to stop this..I thought am the only person thinking like that..

I don't deal well with death of loved ones. I just had to put my much loved 14 to 15 year old cat to sleep due to health problems I didn't see comming and I feel like I'm having bad anxiety and blaming myself for her death. I don't think I will cope with my mothers death. She is in her 60's I depend on her for so much. I'm scared to loose more loved ones pet/family/friend. I'm scared to die and scared to see loved ones die. I can't cope.

My boyfriend is afraid of loosing me and it's driving me nuts. I love him and although I tell him and show him, he is still afraid. I do not agree that showing me more and telling me more, will help him. It will only drive me even more nuts. ;) I can feel the fear when he talks and he is always making concessions. Too many, that I am afraid he will regret it later. I believe the best thing to do is learn to relax and accept that you may loose the person, but it's not the end of the world. Don't make him or her the centre of your life. Keep busy if she or he is busy. Anyway, my 2 cents. ;)

Hi Jodi sinc the age of 15 I have had major issues with the death of family members I have been on anti depressants since the age of 15 I am now 32 and have a young son. I have always struggled with the anguish of death but since I've had my son it has amplified ten fold! I have dreams of his death and other vile things happening to him that I'm powerless to stop I feel utterly useless and terrified all of the time to the point where I don't sleep through sheer fear I see a councillor and have upped my dosage of anti depressant but nothing works there is so much wrong with the world and I feel like I'm going mad thinking of ways to keep him safe and me sane.

I want to thank you for bravely sharing. I lost my sister to suicide when I was 19. It devasted me, but at the time I could not see how much more devasted my parents were. I am now 42 and the loss still haunts me. I have a young daughter and like you, I often feel so much fear of losing her. It terrifies me. She is my whole world. My husband had a nightmare some months ago that she died and I am haunted my that. I am now expecting another child, 7 weeks pregnant. I'm probably the oldest lady in my town to have another child. And I realize I partly wanted a second child to feel less vulnerable, but it has in fact made me more vulnerable. To love is terrifying but then I think, it's what makes my life beautiful at the same time. I don't know what to say to help, but I wanted to share my story and hope that it will bring comfort to know you are not alone in this fear of loss. I felt comforted in this way by your post and I thank you for sharing.

Thank you for this post. My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. I have 2 half brothers and a half sister all of whom are older than me and who have their own children and grandchildren. I'm 43, my mom is 73 and my dad is 68. They are divorced (since I was 10 years old) and I live with my Dad two hours away drive time from my Mom. I love both of them dearly. I recently have overcome a year's worth of health problems and I am on the verge of being 100% restored to perfect health. Not only have I overcome the health issues thanks to great healthcare and wonderful caring parents, but I have also quit smoking cigarettes and several other bad habits I had. It seems that now that I am coming out of that clouded period of time, I feel the joy of being reborn, but at the same time I realize how desperately I need my Dad and Mom. Not for financial support, but emotional support. I have no spouse or children, and probably never will at this point. I don't want to exist on this planet without my parents. They know how to soothe my anxieties and their voice has the power to resolve all my mental problems. Yet, knowing that they will leave this earth before I will has me periodically worried to death about them. Usually, around this time of year, the autumn, my birthday, I start feeling "Sad" which I have come to believe COULD be seasonal affective disorder. I'm not sure about that, but it seems to fit the pattern. It's not every year, just some years. Especially now, my Mom's oldest brother (my favorite uncle) just had a stroke and is recovering. He was a picture of health prior to this. His wife, my favorite aunt, died in 2012 after breaking her back while also having liver cancer. I'm still not fully over that loss. I love my family so much. They are all that I have in this world and ALL that I want too. They are magnificent people, yet I am so far away from most of them. My Dad and I moved to our current city 21 years ago. I've lived half my life here, 2 hours away from the rest of my large extended family. All I want to do now is spend all my time with my Mom and Dad. Reconnect to all my family. I also had to resign from my last job to deal with my health issues because it was my job which led me to bad behaviors (drinking lots of soda and other things for energy to do 4 people's jobs by myself) which caused my health issues. Now I'm here at home alone, scared, tired of being alone, wanting to turn around and see my non-existent spouse who should have been with me my whole life by now, see our non-existent children who I'm too old to father at this point, and know that I have done what my life was created to do. But since that is not possible, I see a world that is unfamiliar to me, though it barely ever changes. I lost my grandmother in 2013. My grandfather in 2005. My other grandmother (my mom's mom) died when I was in 7th grade and I never knew her husband, my mom's father. I just don't want to be without my Mom and Dad. I won't know what to do with my life without coming home from work to see my Dad, and calling my Mom to see how she and the rest of the family is doing. What will my life be for without love? I don't know how to deal with this anxiety, though I have experienced anxiety my whole life. I don't want to lose my parents.

We have same sentiments. Losing our parents is the hardest. I lost my dad during 8th grade. And my mom is now 65 with health issues. I randomly feel fear anytime of the day thinking losing her. Just want you to know you are not alone

I am 17 and a senior in highschool. Today we lost a kid at my school that I didn't know well- he was in a dirt bike accident. I didn't like him and he isn't the point of this. I never would have thought he was going to die and it made me realize how scared I am to lose anybody around me. It made me realize that anybody can die at any point in my life and I don't get a say and it's really messing with my head. I have an ex friend and girlfriend whom I still love very much even after a year of not talking. I'm still so scared I'm gonna have to live in a world where she does not exist one day. I'm scared I won't ever get to see her again- I don't want to live where she is not. I always want to make sure she is okay and she is happy and I don't want her to die. I don't know what to do because I cannot live in a fear of losing someone I've already lost the rest of my life. I'm so scared

Hi! I am very glad i bump on this site! Thank heavens i found some people who faces the same scenario that i have. I am in a very happy relationship rigjt now..i feel like it's too perfect it scares me. I never felt this happiness that it scares me always or out of nowhere i feel like something bad will happen to him. Im too happy and inlove to the point it's scaring me! I even wanted to buy some medicine to help me get over this. It's been 2months i am loke this especially we juat traasfered now in a different country and i only have him! I kept on oraying and pryaing that i hope i can go back to my old self. I know this is a very old post but i just felt like i really want to post this as well! Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!

A very topical subject to everyone. Great contribution.

Hello everyone. I'm 18 years old and I think I also have a mental problem. I have such a lovely girlfriend for 2 years now, we have been happy for the entire period of time except a few months in a row due to a health problem. Im very attached to her (she is a little less to me) and I fear that I might lose her. I'm a jealous person in a weird way (I'd be the happiest if she was only mine, if she talks, goes out or do other normal things with her friends I get kind of angry and also I'm afraid because I don't know what's going on there). This jealousy causes harm to our relationship I'd say and I'd love to deal with it better because it just takes over me and I'm not able to do a thing. Lately, I've had a wrist injury and I can't really do much, only study and be with her, and it's been driving me crazy, sad and sometimes depressed. I just need her around me so I can be happy. And for the last month or so I've been worrying I could lose her. This feeling comes out of nowhere I think, everything fine between us (if I'm not acting jealous ).To summarize I love her so very much and I've been jealous everytime she's been out without me, I can't really deal with it, lately I've been worrying I could lose her because that would be unimaginable for me. I would be greatful for any sort of mental help, tips and advice what should I do everytime she's out with friends. Also to make me more comfortable and lose the fear of losing her. Thank you, Daniel.

I have a boyfriend exactly like you. It made me so sad as he never trust me that I love him so much. No matter how I explain he still feel the same....so now may I know how's your relationship with your GF recently?

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