the good life book review

The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

What makes for a happy life, a fulfilling life? A  good  life? According to the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, the answer to these questions may be closer than you realize.

What makes a life fulfilling and meaningful? The simple but surprising answer is: relationships. The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and overall healthier lives. In fact, the Harvard Study of Adult Development reveals that the strength of our connections with others can predict the health of both our bodies and our brains as we go through life. The invaluable insights in this book emerge from the revealing personal stories of hundreds of participants in the Harvard Study as they were followed year after year for their entire adult lives, and this wisdom is bolstered by research findings from this and many other studies. Relationships in all their forms—friendships, romantic partnerships, families, coworkers, tennis partners, book club members, Bible study groups—all contribute to a happier, healthier life. And as  The Good Life  shows us, it’s never too late to strengthen the relationships you have, and never too late to build new ones. Dr. Waldinger’s TED Talk about the Harvard Study, “What Makes a Good Life,” has been viewed more than 42 million times and is one of the ten most-watched TED talks ever.  The Good Life  has been praised by bestselling authors Jay Shetty (“Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz lead us on an empowering quest towards our greatest need: meaningful human connection”), Angela Duckworth (“In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart”), and happiness expert Laurie Santos (“Waldinger and Schulz are world experts on the counterintuitive things that make life meaningful”). With warmth, wisdom, and compelling life stories,  The Good Life  shows us how we can make our lives happier and more meaningful through our connections to others.

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The Good Life: A Discussion with Dr. Robert Waldinger

Dr. Waldinger began by exploring what people think makes a good life. Many across the world, especially millennials, believe that the answer can be found with fame and fortune. In a recent survey of millennials, when asked what they wanted in their adult life, over 80% said they wanted to get rich, 50% said they wanted to get famous, and 50% said they wanted high career achievements.

However, studies show that as many western countries, including the US, have become wealthier, general happiness levels have decreased . $75,000 a year average household income is the level at which happiness seems to peak— the level at which the basic economic needs of food, housing, healthcare, child support, etc. can be met. When people’s annual income became higher than that sum, their happiness levels didn’t go up much. The difference between $75,000 and $75 million was hardly significant.

Dr. Waldinger believes that the reason many hold this false belief in the power of money to improve happiness is because the good life is defined for us, not by us . This is a result of the digital revolution, social media, unrealistic standards, and omnipresent advertising. Ads tell us that consumption ought to make us happy, that we ought to look and act a certain way. We judge our everyday lives against the curated lives of others, and young people, who are more deeply entrenched in digital media than any generation before them, are particularly vulnerable to this constant self-comparison. “As a mentor of mine once said,” stated Dr. Waldinger, “‘ we are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. ’”

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

So what do we really need for a good life? As Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Dr. Waldinger was ideally placed to search for an answer. This 85-year study started in 1938 as two studies. One followed a group of 19-year-old Harvard students, while the other followed a younger group of juvenile delinquents. Both groups were exclusively white, male, and based out of Boston. The two studies were combined to make up a group of 725 men. As time passed, their wives were brought into the study, and then their children. The group even included John F Kennedy. Participants’ physical, mental, and emotional health were studied. They were photographed, audiotaped, and videotaped. Their blood was drawn, their brains were scanned, and their DNA was studied.

The study found that the people who stayed healthiest and lived longest were the people who had the strongest connections to others . The warmth of these connections had a direct positive impact on their health and well-being. Good relationships meant participants were less likely to develop heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis. Broader social networks and more social activity resulted in later onset and slower rates of cognitive decline. The study even found that married people lived longer—an average of 5-12 years longer for women, and 7-17 years longer for men .

Interestingly, the study also found that participants became happier as they aged . From middle age onward, participants paid more attention to positive information than negative information, remembered the past more positively, became more selective about how they spent their time, and increasingly savored the present moment. Dr. Waldinger’s explanation for this trend was that “When we sense that time is limited, emotional well-being becomes a priority.” There is a downside to this, however—older brains are more responsive to positive information, and tend to disregard negative information, making them more susceptible to scams.

When the first round of participants were in their 80s, the interviewers asked them what they wished they had done differently, and what they were most proud of. The men replied that they wished they hadn’t spent as much time at work, but with the people they cared about. The women replied that they wished they hadn’t worried about what people thought of them. For both genders, their proudest achievements all had to do with relationships. Participants were proud of being a good parent, partner, friend, or mentor.

These findings affected Dr. Waldinger personally. He realized that he had to listen to his own research, and so instead of working 24/7, he began to intentionally reach out to his friends, telling him that he was thinking of them, inviting them to go out for a walk or get dinner. While he was proud of his work, he realized that his greatest source of satisfaction wasn’t the academic awards he had received, but instead maintaining vibrant connections with others.

Expounding on this, Dr. Waldinger added that when it came to work and relationships, he understood that it couldn’t be either or. He explained that people need enough money to be financially secure, to support themselves and their families. But the people who sacrifice everything for work end up feeling like they’ve given up too much in their lives. It may be tempting to focus on money or achievements because they’re measurable, and we tend to prioritize what we can measure. Relationships change all the time, and cannot be measured in the same way; but this does not make them any less important.

In terms of spending money to achieve happiness, Dr. Waldinger recommended paying for experiences, rather than material things. “ The best things in life aren’t things ,” he explained. “Material things lend themselves to comparisons. But experiences either strengthen pre-existing relationships with people, or help us meet new people.”

The Loneliness Pandemic

Developing and strengthening relationships with others is a skill that has decreased in the general US population since the 1950s, with the introduction of the television. Over the last 25 years, people have become half as likely to join clubs and civic organizations, while family dinners and vacations are down by a third. In 1983, 12% of Americans lacked a confidant, someone they could speak to about personal matters, while in 2003, 25% lacked a confidant. In a global poll of 15 million workers, only a third said they had a best friend at work, and of those, only 1 in 12 said they were engaged in their job. Half of CEOs report feeling lonely. Dr. Waldinger and many others believe that this loneliness pandemic was accelerated by the digital revolution. “We’re all on our phones, on our screens, so much of the time that we neglect each other, and we neglect the world around us.”

Studies have found that loneliness is as powerful a predictor of poor health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day, having high blood pressure, or being obese. Loneliness results in earlier cognitive and physical decline, stress-induced hypertension, impaired sleep, heightened cardiovascular reactivity, decreased immune function, and chronic inflammation.

How We Can Fix It

Dr. Waldinger began with a quote from one of his Zen teachers, John Tarrant, stating “ Attention is the most basic form of love. ” He went on to explain that “our undivided attention is the most valuable thing we have to give each other. It is also the most difficult thing, these days, to give each other, because screens are so programmed to take us away from each other. The path of least resistance seems to be driving us towards increasing social isolation, so we need to be intentional in structuring our lives both at home and at work to counter this trend. ”

Of course, there are other factors to consider, such as where an individual is on the scale of introversion to extroversion. Introverts may only need a few relationships, and become stressed out by too many, while extroverts need a wider circle. “Our culture tends to glorify extroverts, which is silly,” said Dr. Waldinger. “Other cultures glorify a more contemplative approach to life.” The answer to finding a good life isn’t one size fits all.

Then there is an individual’s baseline level mood to consider. People can have the exact same circumstances, and some can happier and others sadder. Dr. Waldinger explained that about 50% of happiness comes from genetically based, temperamental factors, about 10% comes from life circumstances, and about 40% can be changed.

As the webinar came to an end, Dr. Viswanath read a final comment from an attendee. “It seems that we are discovering things that women have always understood, valuing relationships and loving our people.” Dr. Waldinger responded that there had been people who responded to his TED talks with “duh”. He explained that women are typically socialized to care more about relationships. “I am not revealing something to this world that’s a shocker,” he concluded. “We just now have good scientific data to back up what our grandmothers always knew and were telling us all along.”

If you missed the seminar, you can watch a recording here . 

Written by Ayla Fudala, Communications Coordinator

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The Good Life

Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness.

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Table of Contents

• Rave and Reviews

About The Book

About the authors.

Dr. Robert Waldinger is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital, and cofounder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. He is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He is also a Zen master (Roshi) and teaches meditation in New England and around the world.

Marc Schulz is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the Sue Kardas PhD 1971 Chair in Psychology at Bryn Mawr College. He also directs the Data Science Program and previously chaired the psychology department and Clinical Developmental Psychology PhD program at Bryn Mawr. Dr. Schulz received his BA from Amherst College and his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley. He is a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School.

Product Details

• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (January 10, 2023)
• Length: 352 pages
• ISBN13: 9781982166694

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Raves and Reviews

"Perfect for readers of Arthur Brooks, Daniel Pink, Angela Duckworth, and other writers who delve into how to fashion prosperous, fulfilling lives. An engrossing look at why relationships matter, featuring an unprecedented abundance of data to back it up."

– Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz lead us on an empowering quest towards our greatest need: meaningful human connection. Blending research from an ongoing 80-year study of life satisfaction with emotional storytelling proves that ancient wisdom has been right all along – a good life is built with good relationships.”

– Jay Shetty, bestselling author of  Think Like a Monk  and host of the podcast  On Purpose

“In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart. Capitalizing on the most intensive study of adult development in history, they tell us what makes a good life and why.”

– Angela Duckworth, author of Grit, Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of Pennsylvania, co-founder and CEO of Character Lab

“Fascinating. . . . Combining intensive research with actionable steps, this penetrating testament to the power of human connection offers gems for almost anyone looking to improve their happiness.”

– Publishers Weekly

"Want the secret to the good life? Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz give it to you in this magnificent new book. Based on the longest survey ever conducted over people’s lives, The Good Life reveals who winds up happy, who doesn’t, and why—and how you can use this information starting today."

– Arthur C. Brooks, Professor, Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and #1  New York Times  bestselling author

“Waldinger and Schulz are world experts on the counterintuitive things that make life meaningful. Their book will provide welcome advice for a world facing unprecedented levels of unhappiness and loneliness.”

– Laurie Santos, PhD, Chandrika and Ranjan Tandon Professor of Psychology at Yale University and host of the podcast The Happiness Lab  podcast

“ The Good Life tells the story of a rare and fascinating study of lives over time. This insightful, interesting, and well-informed book reveals the secret of happiness—and reminds us that it was never really a secret, after all.”

– Daniel Gilbert, author of the  New York Times  best-seller  Stumbling on Happiness;  and host of the PBS television series  This Emotional Life

“Waldinger and Schulz have written an essential — perhaps the essential — book on human flourishing. Backed by extraordinary research and packed with actionable advice, The Good Life will expand your brain and enrich your heart.”

– Daniel H. Pink, #1  New York Times  bestselling author of  The Power of Regret, Drive,  and  A Whole New Mind

“ I'm beyond thrilled that Dr. Waldinger and Dr. Schulz are publishing the findings of the Harvard Study. Over the years, I've discussed their research and recommended Dr. Waldinger's TED talk around the world. I can hardly wait to recommend The Good Life . It's accessible, interesting, and grounded in research—and is bound to make a difference in the lives of millions."

– Tal Ben-Shahar, bestselling author of Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life, and Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment

"This book is simply extraordinary. It weaves ‘hard data’ and enlightening case studies and interviews together seamlessly in a way that stays true to the science while humanizing it. And what an important lesson it teaches. It helps people to understand how they should live their lives, and also provides a spectacular picture of what psychology can be at its best. It is data driven, of course, but data are just noise without wise interpretation.”

– Barry Schwartz, author of  Practical Wisdom  (with Kenneth Sharpe) and  Why We Work

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The Good Life Unveiled: Insights from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” is a compelling exploration of what truly constitutes a fulfilling and happy life. Authored by renowned social scientist and psychologist, Dr. Robert J. Waldinger, this book offers valuable insights based on the groundbreaking Harvard Study of Adult Development. In this review, we delve into the significant takeaways from this thought-provoking work and its potential to transform our understanding of happiness.

The Power of Relationships:

One of the central findings of the Harvard study is that the quality of our relationships significantly impacts our overall well-being. “The Good Life” emphasizes the importance of nurturing and maintaining close relationships with family, friends, and community. It sheds light on the profound influence that strong social connections have on our long-term happiness and health.

Meaningful and Authentic Connections:

Waldinger highlights the significance of deep and meaningful connections rather than superficial interactions. The book explores the value of intimate relationships characterized by trust, vulnerability, and emotional support. It encourages readers to invest time and effort in cultivating authentic connections that contribute to a sense of belonging and fulfillment.

The Illusion of Wealth and Success:

“The Good Life” challenges society’s prevailing notions that equate material wealth and external achievements with happiness. Drawing from the study’s findings, the book reveals that wealth, fame, and career success do not guarantee long-term satisfaction. Instead, it underscores the importance of prioritizing relationships and personal growth as essential ingredients for a truly fulfilling life.

Mindful Presence and Gratitude:

Waldinger emphasizes the significance of being present in the moment and cultivating gratitude. The book discusses the positive impact of practicing mindfulness, expressing gratitude, and savoring life’s simple joys. These practices enhance our overall well-being, promote resilience, and enable us to derive greater satisfaction from life’s experiences.

The Role of Compassion and Kindness:

“The Good Life” underscores the profound impact of compassion and acts of kindness on personal happiness. It explores the connection between altruism and well-being, highlighting how acts of generosity and empathy not only benefit others but also contribute to our own sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Balancing Work and Life:

The book delves into the importance of achieving a healthy work-life balance. It emphasizes the need to prioritize personal relationships, leisure, and self-care, rather than succumbing to the pressures of excessive work or a relentless pursuit of professional success. Striking a balance between work and personal life is vital for long-term happiness and overall well-being.

Continuous Personal Growth:

“The Good Life” encourages readers to embrace personal growth and lifelong learning. It highlights the value of setting meaningful goals, pursuing passions, and engaging in activities that promote self-improvement and self-discovery. This focus on personal growth contributes to a sense of purpose and fulfillment throughout life’s journey.

“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” is a thought-provoking and illuminating book that challenges conventional notions of happiness. Drawing from extensive research and real-life experiences, Dr. Robert J. Waldinger offers valuable insights into the factors that contribute to a fulfilling life. By emphasizing the importance of relationships, authenticity, mindfulness, compassion, work-life balance, and personal growth, this book serves as a guide to help readers navigate the path to lasting happiness and well-being.

The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness   Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

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The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

Description.

A New York Times Bestseller

What makes for a happy life, a fulfilling life? A good life? In their “captivating” (The Wall Street Journal) book, the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, show that the answer to these questions may be closer than you realize.

What makes a life fulfilling and meaningful? The simple but surprising answer is: relationships. The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and healthier lives. In fact, the Harvard Study of Adult Development reveals that the strength of our connections with others can predict the health of both our bodies and our brains as we go through life.

The invaluable insights in this book emerge from the revealing personal stories of hundreds of participants in the Harvard Study as they were followed year after year for their entire adult lives, and this wisdom was bolstered by research findings from many other studies. Relationships in all their forms—friendships, romantic partnerships, families, coworkers, tennis partners, book club members, Bible study groups—all contribute to a happier, healthier life. And as The Good Life shows us, it’s never too late to strengthen the relationships you already have, and never too late to build new ones. The Good Life provides examples of how to do this.

Dr. Waldinger’s TED Talk about the Harvard Study, “What Makes a Good Life,” has been viewed more than 42 million times and is one of the ten most-watched TED talks ever. The Good Life has been praised by bestselling authors Jay Shetty “an empowering quest towards our greatest need: meaningful human connection”), Angela Duckworth (“In a crowded field of life advice...Schulz and Waldinger stand apart”), and happiness expert Laurie Santos (“Waldinger and Schulz are world experts on the counterintuitive things that make life meaningful”).

With “insightful [and] interesting” (Daniel Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author of Stumbling on Happiness) life stories, The Good Life shows us how we can make our lives happier and more meaningful through our connections to others.

About the Author

Dr. Robert Waldinger is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital, and cofounder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. He is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He is also a Zen master (Roshi) and teaches meditation in New England and around the world.

Marc Schulz is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the Sue Kardas PhD 1971 Chair in Psychology at Bryn Mawr College. He also directs the Data Science Program and previously chaired the psychology department and Clinical Developmental Psychology PhD program at Bryn Mawr. Dr. Schulz received his BA from Amherst College and his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley. He is a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School.

Praise for The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

"Perfect for readers of Arthur Brooks, Daniel Pink, Angela Duckworth, and other writers who delve into how to fashion prosperous, fulfilling lives.  An engrossing look at why relationships matter, featuring an unprecedented abundance of data to back it up." — Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz lead us on an empowering quest towards our greatest need: meaningful human connection. Blending research from an ongoing 80-year study of life satisfaction with emotional storytelling proves that ancient wisdom has been right all along – a good life is built with good relationships.” — Jay Shetty, bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and host of the podcast On Purpose

“In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart. Capitalizing on the most intensive study of adult development in history, they tell us what makes a good life and why.” — Angela Duckworth, author of Grit, Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of Pennsylvania, co-founder and CEO of Character Lab

“Fascinating. . . . Combining intensive research with actionable steps, this penetrating testament to the power of human connection offers gems for almost anyone looking to improve their happiness.” — Publishers Weekly

"Want the secret to the good life? Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz give it to you in this magnificent new book. Based on the longest survey ever conducted over people’s lives,  The Good Life  reveals who winds up happy, who doesn’t, and why—and how you can use this information starting today." — Arthur C. Brooks, Professor, Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and #1 New York Times bestselling author

“Waldinger and Schulz are world experts on the counterintuitive things that make life meaningful. Their book will provide welcome advice for a world facing unprecedented levels of unhappiness and loneliness.” — Laurie Santos, PhD, Chandrika and Ranjan Tandon Professor of Psychology at Yale University and host of the podcast The Happiness Lab podcast

“The Good Life tells the story of a rare and fascinating study of lives over time. This insightful, interesting, and well-informed book reveals the secret of happiness—and reminds us that it was never really a secret, after all.” — Daniel Gilbert, author of the New York Times best-seller Stumbling on Happiness; and host of the PBS television series This Emotional Life

“Waldinger and Schulz have written an essential — perhaps the essential — book on human flourishing. Backed by extraordinary research and packed with actionable advice,  The Good Life  will expand your brain and enrich your heart.” — Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Power of Regret, Drive, and A Whole New Mind

“ I'm beyond thrilled that Dr. Waldinger and Dr. Schulz are publishing the findings of the Harvard Study. Over the years, I've discussed their research and recommended Dr. Waldinger's TED talk around the world. I can hardly wait to recommend The Good Life . It's accessible, interesting, and grounded in research—and is bound to make a difference in the lives of millions." — Tal Ben-Shahar, bestselling author of Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life, and Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment

"This book is simply extraordinary. It weaves ‘hard data’ and enlightening case studies and interviews together seamlessly in a way that stays true to the science while humanizing it. And what an important lesson it teaches. It helps people to understand how they should live their lives, and also provides a spectacular picture of what psychology can be at its best. It is data driven, of course, but data are just noise without wise interpretation.” — Barry Schwartz, author of Practical Wisdom (with Kenneth Sharpe) and Why We Work

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Book Review: The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz

This book claims to hold the secret to true happiness in life..

POSITIVE AFFIRMATION

"Today I know I can press the reset button at anytime, resetting my attitude and approach."

START WITH A SMILE…

The Most Productive Time  

When I started reading The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness , I was immediately hooked.  In the first chapter, it gives away the punchline which completely reinforces what I already believe in.  And for the next 10 hours, I kept drinking from the Kool-Aid.  #confirmationbias

In The Good Life , authors Waldinger and Schulz reveal the surprising result from the Harvard Study of Adult Development’s 80+ years of continuous research, “one of the world’s longest studies of adult life,” having collected a massive array of data on their physical and mental health.  And when they say data, it includes brain scans, blood work, and extra-personal interviews.  #TSAwouldbeproud

Imagine someone from the Harvard study coming to visit you every 5 years and conducting a deep interview on how you’re feeling about every facet of your life.  What an awesome journal later in life to reflect upon. #milliondollaridea

The punchline of The Good Life is: 

“ Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives , the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.” -  Mineo , Harvard News

To be more productive, it’s essential we make time for what’s most important.

Tim Ferriss, entrepreneur and personal experimenter, wrote about how he sets up goals .  He looks back on the past year, noting what events and people made him feel great and which felt bad.  Then he does this:

“Based on the answers, take your “positive” leaders and schedule more of them in the new year. Get them on the calendar now! Book things with friends and prepay for activities/events/commitments that you know work. It’s not real until it’s on the calendar.” - Tim Ferriss

I’m naturally an organizer, which includes being a social organizer.  Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had an inclination to arrange events with friends.  (When I was in 5th grade, I started my own club, called the J-Team (how arrogant!) where we tried to do good deeds, like pick up litter.  I think we saved 10 bottles from the landfill.)  

But, if you’re not used to inviting people to do things, tough luck… you better get over it.

“Researchers from three different universities studied the impact of social isolation and unhappiness on older individuals and found that loneliness ages a person faster than smoking. Prior research had already suggested that a lack of family, friendship, or community was linked to a 30 percent increase in the likelihood of heart disease and stroke and a 50 percent increase in the likelihood of dementia.”

Learn from The Good Life’s massive study of over 80 years and all the personal lessons of those participants - that if you don’t tend to your relationships, death may be coming much sooner for you.

“The relationship bill comes due.” - Terrence Real, I Don’t Want to Talk About It

We are more productive when engaged in activities that we enjoy (and are good at).  Increase your health span by doing those activities with others, as much as possible.  Put on your social planner hat and make plans with people… now.

Waldinger has boiled down his definition of a good life to this: “Being engaged in activities I care about with people I care about.” - Emine Saner, The Guardian

(suggested events to do with others)

➩ The Taylor Swift: The Eras concert film, because the real concert tickets are just too expensive.

➩ Pick a local restaurant you’ve never been to, invite someone you haven’t talked to for too long, and make convo.

➩ Pick a physical activity and invite someone.  Go for a walk, a bike ride, a run, play tennis, whatever.

➩ At my work, they used to arrange community volunteer events.  Who’s to say you don’t arrange your own community event, such as Habitat for Humanity ?

How to cultivate deep relationships?  I got ideas.

I believe what holds people back from being more socially outgoing, aka putting themselves out there and being vulnerable, is their own insecurity.

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The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

For more than 80 years, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been following participants. In this novel summarizing findings thus far, the current directors make the case that relationships are the key to a happy life.

Strong connections don't just make for a happier life, but they also predict the overall health of our bodies and brains. Each chapter in this book delves into the different kinds of relationships--family, work, romantic, friendship, etc.--and how we can and should cultivate them in order to live "the good life."

While at times a bit repetitive--the finding is clearly stated upfront and repeated again and again--it is interesting to hear the stories of the various participants. It is definitely a reminder (especially for the extreme introverts--ahem--among us) of the value of reaching out and spending time with loved ones.

Did You Know?

• Waldinger is the 4th director of the study. They hope and expect the study to continue many decades into the future
• When the study began in the 30s, it followed two groups of young men: one composed of Harvard students (John F. Kennedy, Jr., was one participant!), and the other of people who lived in inner-city Boston. Regardless of background–even when people had difficult childhoods–strong relationships are the driving factor for happiness, health, and in some cases, financial success.
• The study has been working to correct and expand on the original lack of diversity, but the decades of data are still valuable. Many of the children of the original participants are now also participating in the study.

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Publisher’s Description

What makes a life fulfilling and meaningful? The simple but surprising answer is: relationships. The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and overall healthier lives. In fact, the Harvard Study of Adult Development reveals that the strength of our connections with others can predict the health of both our bodies and our brains as we go through life.

The invaluable insights in this book emerge from the revealing personal stories of hundreds of participants in the Harvard Study as they were followed year after year for their entire adult lives, and this wisdom is bolstered by research findings from this and many other studies. Relationships in all their forms–friendships, romantic partnerships, families, coworkers, tennis partners, book club members, Bible study groups–all contribute to a happier, healthier life. And as  The Good Life  shows us, it’s never too late to strengthen the relationships you have, and never too late to build new ones.

Dr. Waldinger’s TED Talk about the Harvard Study, “What Makes a Good Life,” has been viewed more than 42 million times and is one of the ten most-watched TED talks ever.  The Good Life  has been praised by bestselling authors Jay Shetty (“Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz lead us on an empowering quest towards our greatest need: meaningful human connection”), Angela Duckworth (“In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart”), and happiness expert Laurie Santos (“Waldinger and Schulz are world experts on the counterintuitive things that make life meaningful”).

With warmth, wisdom, and compelling life stories,  The Good Life  shows us how we can make our lives happier and more meaningful through our connections to others.

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The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Study on Happiness Hardcover – 12 Jan. 2023

'In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart' Angela Duckworth, author of Grit What makes for a fulfilling and meaningful life? A good life? Based on findings from the 80-year-long Harvard Study of Adult Development, this landmark book reveals the simple yet surprising truth: the stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying and overall healthier lives. Revealing the ground-breaking research behind the world's longest study on happiness, programme directors Dr Robert Waldinger and Dr Marc Schulz bring together scientific precision, traditional wisdom, incredible real-life stories and actionable insights to prove once and for all that our own wellbeing and ability to flourish is absolutely within our control. 'An outstanding book. It combines the longest and richest study of human lives anywhere with two remarkable authors of extraordinary breadth' Richard Layard, author of Can We Be Happier? 'This captivating, powerful book shows us scientifically and practically how to define, create and most importantly live the good life' Jay Shetty

• Print length 352 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Rider
• Publication date 12 Jan. 2023
• Dimensions 14.4 x 3.3 x 22.2 cm
• ISBN-10 1846046769
• ISBN-13 978-1846046766
• See all details

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About the author.

Robert Waldinger (Author) Dr Robert Waldinger is Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, Director of the Center for Psychodynamic Therapy and Research at Massachusetts General Hospital, and Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. He is also a Zen Priest. Marc Schulz (Author) Marc Schulz is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the Sue Kardas PhD 1971 Chair in Psychology at Bryn Mawr College. He also directs the data science program and previously chaired the psychology department and Clinical Developmental Psychology PhD program at Bryn Mawr. Dr. Schulz received his BA from Amherst College and his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley. He is a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School.

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Rider (12 Jan. 2023)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1846046769
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1846046766
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.4 x 3.3 x 22.2 cm
• 574 in Popular Psychology
• 593 in Psychological Schools of Thought
• 675 in Scientific Psychology & Psychiatry

About the authors

Marc schulz ph.d.

Marc Schulz, PhD, is the Associate Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and an award-winning professor at Bryn Mawr College, where he directs the Data Science Program and is the Sue Kardas PhD 1971 Chair in Psychology. He completed his BA at Amherst College and his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkeley.

Robert J. Waldinger

Dr. Robert Waldinger is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital, and cofounder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. He is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He is also a Zen master (Roshi) and teaches meditation in New England and around the world.

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Book Review: “The Good Life”, by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Schulz, PhD

Published this year, “ The Good Life ” reports on the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever done. Tracking the lives of hundreds of participants for over 80 years, the report concludes that it is the strength of our relationships with friends, relatives and co-workers that most determine quality of life, health and longevity.

Regarding older adults, the authors note that time is suddenly very precious. Questions arise such as:

• How much time do I have left?
• How long will I stay healthy?
• Am I losing it mentally?
• Who do I want to spend this limited time with?
• Have I had a good enough life?
• What do I regret?

“The fewer moments we have to look forward to in life, the more valuable they become. Past grievances and preoccupations often dissipate…research has shown that human beings are never so happy as in the late years of their lives. We get better at maximizing highs and minimizing lows. We feel less hassled by the little things that go wrong, and we get better at knowing when something is important and when it’s not. The value of positive experiences far outweighs the cost of negative experiences, and we prioritize things that bring us joy. In short, we’re emotionally wiser, and that wisdom helps us thrive.”

We learn that neglected relationships, like muscles, atrophy. Our social life, being a living system, needs exercise. Further, the reason social relationships are so valuable has a biological basis — a means of protection from predators. Without meaningful relationships, we remain in a state of stress, often unknown to us.

Make the effort. Most of us have friends and relatives who energize us and who we don’t see enough. As Mark Twain said, “There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that”.

The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

By Marc Schulz Ph.D and Robert Waldinger M.D.

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Summary: The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Marc Schulz and Robert J. Waldinger

By: Author Nina Norman

Posted on Published: August 29, 2023  - Last updated: November 3, 2023

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Home » Summary: The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Marc Schulz and Robert J. Waldinger

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About the authors.

Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz direct the world’s most enduring longitudinal survey of happiness — the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been closely following individuals from the same 724 families for more than 85 years. They draw on research from two generations of participants in the Harvard Study and glean insights from the latest research from other studies in psychology and neuroscience as well as the wisdom of ancient philosophers. They conclude that relationships are your pathway to contentment. The authors offer strategies for improving the quality of your connections, for making new connections, and for bolstering your overall well-being and life satisfaction.

The quality of your relationships shapes your well-being and happiness.

People continue to grow and develop throughout adulthood, particularly as a result of their relationships and life transitions., show others you care by giving them your time and attention., be proactive about nurturing your relationships; begin by taking stock of your relationships and prioritizing your most important connections., you can take steps to strengthen the health of your relationships and improve your mastery of your emotions., create more satisfying and beneficial relationships by communicating and listening with empathy..

• You spend most of your waking hours at work. Make the most of them; especially heed your connections with others.

Human relationships are important on a collective level as humanity navigates global challenges.

Most people say they want to be happy, but what does a happy life look like? The term “happiness” itself is a bit vague. The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle differentiated between “hedonic” happiness and “eudaimonic” happiness. Hedonic happiness is a temporary sensation in response to moment-to-moment experiences. Eudaimonic happiness is more long-term and longer-lasting, coming from a sense of purpose and meaning. That enduring sense of well-being you feel when you’re flourishing and thriving is related to Aristotle’s notion of eudaimonia.

“Relationships are not just essential as stepping-stones to other things, and they are not simply a functional route to health and happiness. They are ends in themselves.”

As the lead researchers of the longest survey of human happiness – the Harvard Study of Adult Development – authors Dr. Robert J. Waldinger and Dr. Marc Schulz examined data collected on thousands of people from two generations. They found that the most consistent predictor of well-being isn’t money or career success.It’s relationships. Positive relationships not only make you happier, they also keep you healthier. When you experience a positive interaction – whether a small one (waving to your mail carrier) or a bigger one (knowing a friend deeply loves you) – that interaction signals safety to your body. This signal is the opposite of the message that stress hormones (cortisol and adrenalin) send to your body when a negative interaction triggers a “fight or flight” reaction. Relationships help people manage stress and navigate challenges. Since prehistoric times, humans have evolved to seek safety in relationships, so healthy ones are vital to your well-being.

Adulthood isn’t stagnant. It’s a period of flux, bearing the marks of relationship changes. Psychologists used to focus only on childhood development, harboring the false assumption that once you reach adulthood, development halts. Today, thanks in part to research findings from the Harvard Study and new insights into neuroplasticity, scientists understand that adulthood is a period of tremendous growth and change.

“In the end, it’s about gaining some perspective on the roads we’ve taken and the roads still to come, so that we can help each other anticipate and prepare for the hard curves ahead.”

To be open to growth and change, it is helpful to take time to reflect on your life, considering your journey as a whole and the ways that your circumstances and views have changed over the years. For example, how have your priorities, hopes, goals and self-concept shifted since you were half as old as you are now?

The human life cycle tends to unfold in the following stages:

• Adolescence, age 12-19 – During this period, people form their identity, focusing on the type of person they’re becoming, who they hope to be in the future and what they want to do in life. During this stage, they learn how to navigate new types of intimacy.
• Young adulthood, age 20-40 – Young adults build their own safety nets as they separate from their parents and create new social connections and intimate attachments. They often wonder whether they’re on the right path, if they’re living life consistent with their values and if they’ll find love.
• Midlife, age 41-65 – When people realize their younger years are behind them, they begin to assess whether there are things they should do differently. They entertain existential questions such as, “Is this all there is?” They may reflect on whether they’ve truly connected with others and have a sense of meaning and purpose in their life.
• Late life, 66 and older – As people start to view time as more precious and grapple with their own mortality, they develop a deeper appreciation for their existing relationships. Awareness that life is short leads to a greater emphasis on prioritizing what’s most important, often including having meaningful relationships and making sure they’re leaving a legacy behind.

The quality and frequency of your connections with others are major predictors of your happiness. Many Harvard Study participants who reflected on their lives in their 80s regretted not spending more time with their friends and loved ones. Leading a good life requires nurturing and caring for your relationships. A first step is giving your time and attention to those who are most important to you; it is the simplest way of showing people you value them. Zen master John Tarrant calls attention “the most basic form of love.” Both meanings of “attention” are important. One refers to prioritizing people by spending time with them. The other refers to being present and attentive when you spend time with people rather than allowing your mind to wander.

“Attention is your most important asset, and deciding how to invest it is one of the most important decisions you can make.”

Research in neuroscience shows that multitasking is a myth. People actually can’t pay attention to two separate things at the same time. Instead of trying to multitask, work on reducing unnecessary distractions including those coming from your smartphone and other technologies. Work on being more present, asking yourself what you may not be noticing about others in your daily interactions. Show interest in others by trying to understand what they are experiencing and communicating. While you may not always understand exactly what someone is thinking or feeling, Waldinger and Schulz’s research shows that simply showing that you’re trying to understand someone helps improve the relationship. People reported feeling more positively about partners whom they believed were making an effort to understand them.

Relationships need to be cultivated and tended. Otherwise, connections with others wither. A good place to begin is to reflect on the quality of your current relationships and how frequently you interact with the people who are important to you. In good quality relationships, attention, care and support are reciprocal, so reflect on how others are showing up for you and you for them. Identify relationships that energize you and those that you experience as depleting in some way. If you frequently spend time in a relationship that depletes you, can you identify opportunities to improve the health of the relationship or to reduce the time you spend with that individual? Can you find ways to spend more time with those you find enlivening?

“A few adjustments to our most treasured relationships can have real effects on how we feel and on how we feel about our lives.”

Do an inventory of your connections with others using the following elements of good relationships. (Not every relationship will provide all of them.)

• Security and safety – Do you have someone you can rely on and turn to during a challenge?
• Growth and learning – Who inspires you to pursue your goals and encourages you to try new things?
• Emotional closeness – Is there one person you confide in most? Whose advice do you trust?
• Shared experience and identity affirmation – Do you have siblings or old friends with whom you’ve shared identity-forming life experiences?
• Romantic intimacy – Do you feel satisfied with the degree of intimacy and sexual connection in your life? Who fulfills these needs?
• Help and assistance – Who helps you solve practical problems (for example, getting a ride to a medical appointment)?
• Relaxation and fun – Think about the people you enjoy being with and laughing with. Who contributes to your sense of joy and feeling of being connected?

Former Harvard Study director George Vaillant described two “pillars of happiness” – love and “finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.” Habitual negative reactions to stress (such as responding with defensiveness to a concerned family member) can harm your relationships. Everyone has habitual ways of coping when stressful events occur. Those who “lean in,” facing their difficulties head on, tend to navigate stressful challenges better than those who try to ignore problems, hoping they’ll go away. By breaking down stressful emotional encounters into stages, people can learn to navigate challenges in more adaptive ways.

“Our emotions need not be our masters; what we think, and how we approach each event in our lives, matters.”

Use the WISER model to respond better to emotionally challenging events and to enhance your relationships:

• Watch – Take a moment to observe the situation closely and consider as many aspects of it as possible. Have you missed something important?
• Interpret – Identify what’s at stake and strive to gain greater insight into why you’re feeling strong emotions. Have you made any false assumptions?
• Select – Carefully identify and weigh your options, reflecting on what you hope to accomplish and your best means of doing so.
• Engage – Respond, executing your chosen strategy with skill.
• Reflect – Learn from the incident, reflecting on what went well and what you might do differently next time.

Improve your connections to others, including in an intimate relationship, by striving to understand the other person and his or her experience. You can increase and demonstrate your empathy with three practices. The first is “reflective listening,” that is, listening to another person without commenting or judging what he or she is saying and then attempting to repeat back what you’ve heard. (“What I’m hearing you say is ___. Is that right?”)

The second practice is letting your partner know you understand why he or she feels a certain way. Make it clear you grasp your partner’s reactions. (“It makes sense that you feel so strongly about this since you care so much about being kind.”) A third useful practice is striving to view your experience and reactions from a more distanced perspective, as if you were another person watching yourself. This distanced perspective often lessens the emotional heat of the moment and can lead to new insights and opportunities.

“We each bring our own particular strengths and weaknesses into a relationship, our own fears and desires, enthusiasms and anxieties, and the dance that results will always be unlike any other.”

The Harvard Study and others demonstrate that children first learn how to relate to people and manage their emotions within their families. Those who grow up in families that provide support, consistency and warmth are better able to manage challenges and to elicit support from others when they’re facing stress. These strategies for adaptively coping with challenges and emotions also can be learned later in life with the help of supportive people.

You spend most of your waking hours at work; make the most of them.

You might view your work life as separate from your “real life,” but most people spend a significant amount of time working. By age 80, the average person in the United Kingdom has spent 112,000 hours, or 13 years, of his or her life at work and only 8,800 hours socializing with friends. If you view your job only as a means of getting a paycheck, you may be less likely to see work as a place where you can develop authentic and valuable connections with others.

“What if the value of work – even work we dislike – lies not just in getting paid, but also in the moment-to-moment sensations of being alive in the workplace and the feeling of vitality we get from being connected to others?”

While some managers and workers may view having good friends at work as irrelevant or even a drain on productivity, research shows that people with a “best friend” at work are actually more engaged and do better work than those who don’t have a strong friendship at work. While plenty of understandable reasons exist for disengaging from or avoiding work relationships, doing so can contribute to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. To take full advantage of your waking hours, look for opportunities to maximize meaningful social interactions in your chosen workplace.

The Harvard Study points to the importance of adding a “fourth R” to the “3 Rs” of basic education. Children shouldn’t learn just “reading, writing and arithmetic” in schools; they should also learn about “relationships.” Because human connection is so crucial to well-being, education should include a focus on “social fitness,” or how to cultivate healthy interactions. Schools across the world have begun to catch on, with programs popping up around the globe that teach children how to manage challenging social situations and their accompanying emotions. Research indicates that students who receive this training perform better academically, have fewer conduct problems, use drugs less often and experience less emotional distress. Adults can benefit similarly from such education.

“Week by week, you can prioritize your relationships and choose to be with people who matter. Year by year you can find purpose and meaning through the lives that you enrich and the relationships that you cultivate.”

The COVID-19 pandemic demonstrated the need for relationships and social connection, as many people experienced firsthand the harmful toll of social isolation on their minds and bodies. In the face of global crises, good relationships help people face challenges together and, in this way, support everyone’s well-being. The good life isn’t a destination. It is “the path itself and the people who are walking it with you.”

Robert Waldinger, MD , is a Harvard Medical School professor of psychiatry and the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital. Marc Schulz , PhD, is a professor of psychology at Bryn Mawr College and the study’s associate director.

“The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” is a captivating book written by Marc Schulz and Robert J. Waldinger. Drawing from the extensive research conducted as part of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the authors explore the factors that contribute to a happy and fulfilling life. This book offers valuable insights and practical advice based on decades of scientific investigation into the secrets of human happiness.

Schulz and Waldinger provide an in-depth overview of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is one of the longest-running studies on happiness and well-being. The book delves into the lives of the study participants, who were followed over several decades, and examines the factors that influenced their happiness and overall life satisfaction.

The main sections of the book are as follows:

• The Study of Happiness: The authors introduce the Harvard Study of Adult Development, its purpose, and methodology. They discuss the importance of long-term, comprehensive research in understanding the complexities of human happiness. Schulz and Waldinger highlight the significance of studying both external circumstances and internal factors in determining life satisfaction.
• Relationships and Social Connections: This section explores the impact of relationships and social connections on happiness. The authors present compelling evidence that quality relationships are central to leading a fulfilling life. They discuss the role of close relationships, such as romantic partnerships and friendships, as well as the importance of social support networks. Schulz and Waldinger provide practical advice on cultivating and maintaining meaningful connections.
• Health and Well-being: The authors examine the relationship between physical and mental health and happiness. They discuss the impact of lifestyle choices, such as exercise, nutrition, and sleep, on overall well-being. Schulz and Waldinger also explore the role of positive emotions, resilience, and coping strategies in promoting happiness and longevity.
• Finding Meaning and Purpose: This section delves into the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life. The authors discuss the concept of “eudaimonic well-being,” which involves pursuing activities that align with personal values and contribute to a greater sense of purpose. Schulz and Waldinger provide insights on how to discover and nurture one’s passions, engage in meaningful work , and contribute to the community.

“The Good Life” presents a wealth of knowledge and wisdom derived from the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Schulz and Waldinger’s writing is engaging, accessible, and backed by rigorous scientific research. The book’s strength lies in its ability to translate complex findings into practical advice for readers.

One of the book’s notable aspects is its focus on the importance of relationships. The authors emphasize that the quality of our connections with others is a key determinant of happiness and well-being. By highlighting the significance of empathy, compassion, and social support, Schulz and Waldinger offer valuable insights on how to cultivate and nurture meaningful relationships.

Additionally, the authors explore the interplay between physical and mental health and happiness. They provide evidence-based strategies for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, managing stress, and promoting emotional well-being. By emphasizing the importance of self-care and self-awareness, the book encourages readers to prioritize their overall well-being.

“The Good Life” also delves into the concept of finding meaning and purpose. Schulz and Waldinger emphasize that living a fulfilling life involves aligning one’s actions with personal values and contributing to something greater than oneself. The book offers practical guidance on how to identify and pursue meaningful goals and engage in activities that bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

In conclusion, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” is a thought-provoking and insightful book that offers valuable lessons on living a happy and fulfilling life. Through the lens of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Schulz and Waldinger provide evidence-based strategies for cultivating meaningful relationships, promoting physical and mental well-being, and finding purpose. This book serves as a guide for individuals seeking to enhance their overall happiness and lead a more satisfying life.

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April 17, 2021

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Scott and Helen Nearing, Winhall, Vermont, 1950

These days, people who can afford to ponder the questions are asking themselves where and how they should live. There has been an uptick in upper-middle-class urbanites buying property in rural areas where Covid-19 numbers have generally been lower, and, according to a Pew Research survey, about one in five adults has moved or knows someone who has done so because of the pandemic. Telecommuters with means have found rentals closer to nature and those with second homes outside the city have settled in for extended stays. Especially in times of crisis, the compelling pull of simplicity-in-nature—one of the many contradictions in the mythos of America—tends to reassert itself.

I moved to Vermont from New York City not during this crisis, but another, earlier one: the financial tumult of 2008. I was a young college-educated ex-publishing assistant, somewhat disillusioned; with no employment prospects in the city, I was determined to start over elsewhere. I moved to Vermont and got a job working for a local publisher that specialized in books on sustainable living, which was where I was introduced to the work and ideas of Helen and Scott Nearing.

The Nearings’ 1954 book Living the Good Life, about their experience of starting over in Vermont after they left New York during the Great Depression, became integral to my new way of life on the land—just as it had for generations of idealistic young people before me for whom it was a do-it-yourself homesteading manifesto. An enduring American type, the Nearings were writing in the spirit of earlier naturalist-philosophers like Aldo Leopold, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, and John Muir. For the Nearings, too, nature offered a place of solace in the face of progress, a respite from the specter of industrialization, and a purity we should work to protect at all costs.

These were just the kind of intellectuals to whom I was looking for guidance: postindustrial but pre-hippie, hardscrabble socialists, looking for an alternative to capitalism.

Scott Nearing was born in 1883 to a well-to-do family on the central northern border of Pennsylvania, at the edge of a virgin hardwood forest. His father was a businessman, his mother a stalwart homemaker. Nearing received an elite education and went on to teach at the Wharton School of Business for seven years, until 1915, when he was fired for his increasingly outspoken, anti-oligarchical rhetoric. In 1916, he joined the American Union Against Militarism, was publicly opposed to US involvement in World War I, and for the next two years held a post as a social science professor at Toledo University in Ohio. Two years later, after his teaching contract was not renewed (for reasons undisclosed), Nearing moved to New York City where he became a founding member of the People’s Council, an antiwar organization whose aim was to mobilize workers and intellectuals against Woodrow Wilson’s Preparedness Movement.

Nearing also joined the Socialist Party and became a lecturer at the Rand School, where he lectured and published prolifically against American war recruitment. This outspoken advocacy eventually resulted in a sedition charge under the Espionage Act. (He was found not guilty but fined anyway.) In the 1920s, Nearing joined the Workers’ Party, writing for its newspaper and traveling widely to spread the word of communist potential. After diverging from the party’s adherence to Leninist theory in a piece he wrote on imperialism, though, Nearing was expelled in 1930.

By then aged fifty, blacklisted from academia and unwelcome in Communist circles, Scott Nearing was thoroughly disenchanted with public life. He had recently found new love, however; his much younger partner, Helen Knothe, was an accomplished violinist from a wealthy background. She also had a nonconformist streak, evident not least in her prior romantic involvement with the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, who taught that the human search for meaning was a fruitless endeavor that limited the possibility of truth as a “pathless land” beyond the self. After Krishnamurti ended their affair, Knothe had made her way back to the US, soon encountering Nearing, whom she had met previously as a family acquaintance, at which point he became her mentor and romantic partner.

During the Great Depression, when capitalism looked to have failed catastrophically and many people were searching for a better way to organize the economy and society, Scott and Helen Nearing pondered a stark choice: leave the US, which they saw as an “ugly, tawdry, and wanton” wasteland, or remain within its borders and, as Scott wrote in his autobiography The Making of a Radical (1972), dig in as “the emissary lives in the midst of backwardness, but is not of it.” Nearing wrote that Americans were “farther from rationality and reality than the inhabitants of any other backward communities” he had seen while traveling the world. This particular American “backwardness” was, in part, he argued, the result of a US national emphasis on war-as-industry.

It was 1932, in the depths of the Depression, when the Nearings left New York City. In a self-imposed exile, they bought a rundown farm in an isolated valley in southern Vermont for what would amount to less than $6,000 today; in addition, they took on a mortgage of around $15,000. Inspired by the European chalets of Helen’s family’s Dutch heritage, they designed and constructed a homestead that would soon make them famous, lugging stones directly from the hillside and building it all by hand, with occasional help from neighbors with whom they bartered for labor.

Copyright unknown

The Nearings’ self-built stone chalet-style house, Winhall, Vermont, undated

In Living the Good Life , the Nearings related the details of that project along with their decades of simple living, essentially outside the wage economy. Their account recorded both a pioneering approach to subsistence horticulture and a radical revision of work-life balance—decades before that phrase became current. The book also recounted their rigorously simple diet: mostly, they ate only what they grew, out of wooden bowls and with spoons they’d carved themselves. To the extent that they participated in the wider cash economy, they did principally through what they earned from maple-sugaring, which provided enough income to supply their few needs for basic commodities they could not supply themselves, such as citrus fruit, peanut butter, and olive oil. They laid great emphasis on strictly limiting their hours of labor in order to carry on their commitment to reading and studying. As time went by and the Nearings’ experiment grew in renown, a steady stream of disciples passed through, eagerly imbibing the couple’s values and ideas.

The Nearings embraced the parts of gurus and mentors, and wrote about exercising a “sense of social responsibility as teachers, and as members of the human race.” Believing that the entire capitalist order was on the point of collapse, their plan was as follows:

(1) to help our fellow citizens understand the complex and rapidly maturing situation; (2) to assist in building up a psychological and political resistance to the plutocratic military oligarchy that was sweeping into power in North America; (3) to share in salvaging what was still usable from the wreckage of the decaying social order in North American and western Europe; (4) to have a part in formulating the principles and practices of an alternative social system, while meanwhile (5) demonstrating one possibility of living sanely in a troubled world. The ideal answer to this problem seemed to be an independent economy which would require only a small capital outlay, could operate with low overhead costs, would yield a modest living in exchange for half-time work, and therefore would leave half of the year for research, reading, writing, and speaking.

That was the manifesto, but the Nearings’ definition of what they called “the Good Life” contained some glaring contradictions. While possible for “anyone,” they first had to be debt-free and healthy. In practice, they also had to have enough independent means to ensure not only their stable self-sufficiency, but also their capacity to reject what they called a “perverted view of economic principles”—that is, the profit motive. In short, to live without money, you had to have money.

“We were not well-to-do,” they wrote, claiming the virtues of their subsistence lifestyle, despite the guarantee of a future inheritance in their back pockets. They saw themselves as having burned their bridges, and it was true that they had rejected many social norms of their class. On their Vermont homestead, they set themselves apart from the “summer people,” the flush vacationers who came and went as tourists, whom the Nearings saw as parasites preying on local communities, obliging the year-rounders to “sell their labor-power…mowing their lawns and doing their laundry, thus greatly reducing their own economic self-dependence.”

“Such an economy may attract more cheap dollars to the state,” they wrote, “but it will hardly produce self-reliant men.” Self-reliance, that Emersonian ideal, was always their watchword, too.

This prolonged projection—seeking distance from what they did not want to identify with, and developing a rationale to support the ethics of that distancing—seemed to supply the central theme of the Nearings’ story. While allowing themselves access to the same class-based system of benefits and privilege that the summer people enjoyed, albeit with the material comforts scaled back, they curated an aesthetics of abstention and renunciation. At the same time, their quest to build a better society retained a philosophical gravitas that appeared to go beyond concerns of their own happiness, and which they could assert as radical social change. Like Tolstoy, whom Scott especially admired, they could live as peasants on their own estate—but proclaim it as a program, too.

As their fame spread, so did demand for the Nearings’ gospel of alternative living. On one occasion, to outfit Scott for his winter lecture circuit, Helen bought an old suit from a thrift store. When an audience member raised a hand to say, I recognize that brand—it’s fancy , Helen responded proudly, I got it for five dollars!

Ezio Petersen/Bettmann via Getty Images

Helen and Scott Nearing on a visit to New York City, 1970

I had similar attitudes when I first came to Vermont, with my dirty boots and torn barn coat. When I met a local at the country store, I thought, we’re the same, we’re neighbors . I considered myself ethically sound, mired in muck, cultivating my gardens and mulching the garlic, making sauerkraut by the gallon—what more could I possibly do for the world, when building topsoil was so time-consuming? I thought about the souls of rocks, of microorganisms. I thought about all the wood we had to get in before dark. Our city friends thought we were radicals in our back-to-the-land adventure—and, I admit, I felt radical.

In The Making of a Radical, Scott Nearing described America’s cities as “over-crowded, congested, jostling, frustrating, and hectic…conditions that make a good life all but impossible.” He wanted to get back to the era of what he called “early Americans,” before the industrial revolution, “when most of the people of the United States wrested a living directly from nature…[a] rugged, vigorous people.” A time when, as Nearing wrote, “everyone pitched in and did their bit.”

And yet, the early 1700s were also a time when slavery had been central to the US economy for a century already, making humans-as-commodities the lynchpin of the country’s preindustrial production, a system that would not be abolished for over another hundred years. And while Vermont was an antislavery state, that did not make it a utopia of good intentions and communal fellowship; just ask the Abenaki.

The time Scott Nearing imagines when rugged early America was an ideal community, in which violence and exploitation were unknown, is, at best, a fantasy; at worst, complete delusion. The land was never pristine—wilderness is its own myth—and its indigenous stewards had consistently been displaced and their histories systematically erased so that white American agrarianism could develop. The same is still true today: working-class Vermonters and displaced Abenaki people, as well as immigrant communities, continue to suffer financial hardship and low employment rates, while the wealthy keep coming, bursting with bucolic ideals, setting up a seasonal hammock or selling free-range eggs for next to nothing because, to them, it’s partly a game.

Despite its short growing season, Vermont was, in the Nearings’ account, an ideal place to live well. With three quarters of the state reforested by the mid-twentieth century, after the land was first cleared by eighteenth- and nineteenth-century sheep farmers, they describe firewood as a virtually free, renewable resource, and land itself was, in their words, “affordable.” Rather after the manner of the early European settler mythology of feckless natives, the Nearings considered their systems of horticulture and general labor far superior to those of the local farmers, whom they describe working “as a result of accident or whim…appalled by such a planned and organized life,” and instead perfectly willing to stand around and talk for hours with anyone who passed.

In the Nearings’ Good Life, there was no dallying, except during the precise time they allotted for it as a form of cultural exercise. Their ethos was predicated on a strict set of guiding principles “as systematic as though we were handling a large-scale economic project”—as paradoxical as that sounds, since they had no interest in starting a business (nor any need to). Every decision within this model had a rationality based in their rejection of modernity’s alienations. In this, one might discern the paradox of a Protestant work ethic almost Calvinist in its rigidity.

This degree of rigor was crucial, they maintained, to enable self-sufficiency. They were not living to have fun, but to do something important:

We were not seeking to escape. Quite the contrary, we wanted to find a way in which we could put more into life and get more out of it. We were not shirking obligations but looking for an opportunity to take on more worthwhile responsibilities. The chance to help, improve and rebuild was more than an opportunity. As citizens, we regarded it as an assignment.

But improving and rebuilding what, and for whom? Were the Nearings conscientious objectors to a never-ending capitalist war, or were they, in fact, just another type of colonist? Although they report to have worked cooperatively with their neighbors—dividing a syrup harvest in exchange for labor, trading excess when they had bumper crops, even giving away a profusion of sweet peas to whomever should cross their path—it was plain neighborliness , not an economic plan that could be scaled up. Redistribution of that order would have required the good life to become a state-mandated program, which would have changed the definition of it entirely.

Gilbert E. Friedberg/The Boston Globe via Getty Images

Helen and Scott Nearing in their garden, Harborside, Maine, 1970

Reading The Good Life again years later, I did more background research. I found most articles about the Nearings were either hagiographic or crassly critical, calling them out for playing at being poor, and I wondered at times if I was being too hard on them, projecting my own desire to hide behind my “good” choices. And yet, I always felt there was a missing piece, something I had glimpsed but not quite grasped.

And then I landed upon another book Scott Nearing had published, decades earlier, in 1912. In this brief volume, titled The Super Race: An American Problem , he juxtaposed the price of war and the promise of eugenics:

The first step in Eugenics progress—the elimination of defect by preventing the procreation of defectives—is easily stated, and may be almost as easily attained. The price of six battleships ($50,000,000) would probably provide homes for all of the seriously defective men, women, and children now at large in the United States. Thus could the scum of society be removed, and a source of social contamination be effectively regulated. Yet with tens of thousands of defectives, freely propagating their kind, we continue to build battleships, fondly believing that rifled cannon and steel armor plate will prove sufficient for national defense.

Nearing’s anti-militarism, the axis around which his radicalism revolved, was thus rooted in the idea that certain Americans posed a fundamental threat to American society that fighting overseas would not solve. He gave a series of lectures on this theme at Cornell University in 1914, on the eve of the first wave of the Great Migration, when almost two million Black people moved from the Jim Crow South to cities in the industrial North, in search of greater freedom, safety, and opportunity. Similar ideas to Nearing’s about eugenics would soon be applied to justify compulsory sterilization of Black people, over many decades to come, across the country.

Acknowledging the racialized underpinnings of the Good Life is crucial to understanding it. Nearing’s earlier vision of a super race, however, has gone unremarked in the later celebrations of his life’s work. It is unclear, in any case, whether he ever disavowed these supremacist leanings or whether they were simply buried, as if a youthful indiscretion. But once known, this eugenicist framing places a new complexion on Nearing’s pacifism and his binary language about ethical living—and who the implied pioneers would be for a “simple life on the land,” as opposed to one in the “ugly alienated city.”

Scott Nearing was very far from an outlier in his interest in eugenics—indeed, these were consensus views held by many prominent social reformers of the era. Even later, at the very same time that the Nearings were signing on the dotted line of their beautiful new Vermont beginning, a well-heeled, Burlington-based white academic named Henry F. Perkins was introducing the Vermont Eugenics Survey. Created to determine what, or whom, could be blamed for the decline of the rural state, the survey ran from the 1930s to the 1940s in the interest of “community development.” Perkins defined its investigative mission as examining the following criteria:

[The] race descent of the four grandparents (or any other good reference that will give racial position); the place or habitat of the individual inadequate; the sort of land he lives on; the sort of communities in which he resides; how he takes part in social community activities; his occupation, his schooling and training, his pedigree or family history.

Based on this system of classification, the survey found that responsibility for the state’s social and economic problems lay with a surfeit of the “idiot, imbecile, feebleminded or insane.” While there is no evidence of Scott Nearing’s involvement in Vermont’s survey, it is striking how easily language he used could be adopted to define the survey’s purpose of identifying people who lacked “a normal share of vigor, energy, purpose, imagination and determination”—qualities that Nearing identified with New England’s early settlers of Northern European descent, and which he deemed necessary for the Good Life.

The Vermont Eugenics Survey ultimately led to more than 250 sterilizations, most of them performed on women; the number may have been higher because records are incomplete. During this period, members of the Abenaki community commonly went into hiding, often changing their names repeatedly and burning their possessions and personal records for fear of being targeted.

Last month, as the ninetieth anniversary of the Eugenics Survey’s being signed into law approached, a House committee of the Vermont state legislature completed its decade-long consideration of a bill expressing grave regret for the survey and the sterilizations carried out under its auspices. Commenting on the lawmakers’ final push, Chief Don Stevens of the Nulhegan Band of the Coosuk-Abenaki Nation welcomed the apology as a first step: “You have to at least acknowledge that there’s a wound there before it can heal.”

Lately, long-stagnant real estate values in Vermont are going up, thanks to a mass influx of upper-middle-class escapees from cities across the US during the pandemic. The rising property prices are a mixed blessing for Vermonters—a windfall for some, who see a possible increase in the tax base, the curse of continued gentrification and another form of erasure for others. These newcomers are now the equivalent to the Nearings’ “summer people,” whereas I’m what is called a “beforeigner.” Now the rural life is newly available to those with remote-working privileges connected by the telecommuter rail. It’s also a form of continued “white flight”—this time, not to the suburbs, but to the countryside.

Along with the wave of back-to-the-land hippies was a generation of radicals and reformers who followed in the Nearings’ footsteps—Sixties leftists like Murray Bookchin and Bernie Sanders, both incomers originally from immigrant backgrounds in New York City who became icons of egalitarian values and social activism, and drew others like them to the state. Their programs were decidedly less individualist, and certainly not eugenicist, but what metric determines the outcomes and impact of social change?

The American tradition of vigor-in-nature rhetoric demands redefinition. Ruggedness is all relative—the working farmers in rural Vermont, whose livelihoods depend on what they grow, live on the land under conditions very different from those who farm as a hobby. In fact, the family-owned farms that once spanned Vermont’s valleys—like those of the Nearings’ neighbors—continue to dwindle in number as the domination of conventional commodity agriculture has made it ever harder for them to make a living. And, of course, there are the Abenaki people, who continue to seek reparations for the land that was taken from them, a wound whose healing demands more than mere acknowledgement. Can the Good Life ever be good unless it is equally accessible for the working poor and the disenfranchised, or indeed anyone other than the wealthy and white?

After twenty years of their first rural experiment, the Nearings left Vermont—alienated, ironically enough, by what they saw as the state’s culture of individualism and a lack of collective, cooperative ethos among Vermonters. They moved to rural Maine to start again, and lived out the rest of their lives there, on another hand-built homestead, which overlooked the Penobscot Bay. The next thirty years looked much the same as their time in Vermont, even as the world changed around them. Their homestead is now an informal museum, wooden spoons still hanging on their hooks beside the cupboard.

Lloyd Ferriss/Portland Press Herald via Getty Images

Resident stewards of the Good Life Center in the garden of the late Scott and Helen Nearing, Harborside, Maine, May 29, 2001

That second attempt to perfect their rugged, rural vision encapsulated the central contradiction of the Nearings’ radical impulse: to reform society by fleeing from the social. After Scott’s death, Helen Nearing published a memoir called Loving and Leaving the Good Life (1992). In it, she wrote: “The universe is too magnificent as it rolls on to concern itself overmuch with personalities. The greatest thing we can do with our lives is to realize and live in the entirety rather than in our own puny selves.” That sounds like a return to the ideas of Krishnamurti, but you might choose to hear a faint echo of a call to collective action.

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Makenna Goodman is the author of the novel The Shame (2020). Her writing has appeared in the Los Angeles Review of Books , The White Review , Literary Hub , Electric Literature , and Harvard Review , among other publications.

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The Good Life Paperback

• Language English
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• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1668022591
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1668022597
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.78 x 0.98 x 5.98 inches
• Best Sellers Rank: #930,062 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books )

About the authors

Robert j. waldinger.

Dr. Robert Waldinger is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital, and cofounder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. He is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He is also a Zen master (Roshi) and teaches meditation in New England and around the world.

Marc Schulz Ph.D

Marc Schulz, PhD, is the Associate Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and an award-winning professor at Bryn Mawr College, where he directs the Data Science Program and is the Sue Kardas PhD 1971 Chair in Psychology. He completed his BA at Amherst College and his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkeley.

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