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Dating a phd student: a survival guide, published by steve tippins on september 11, 2019 september 11, 2019.
Last Updated on: 5th June 2024, 02:55 am
Are you dating a PhD student, or married to one? Watching your spouse go through the PhD process can be confusing at best and downright terrible at worst. Your partner may have to be away for hours (or days) at a time. And even when they are home, they have to work on the computer deep into the night, at your children’s dance recitals, and just about anywhere else imagine.
I’ve been through the PhD process and supported my wife as she began a PhD program and later, as she returned to get a second Master’s degree. I’ve also been through the PhD process myself. So I know both what dating a PhD student (or being married to one) and being a PhD student is like . I’ve also consulted for countless clients, and found many of them have the same problems–and solutions.
Keeping that experience in mind, here are a few things to remember about dating a PhD student.
7 Things to Remember for Dating a PhD Student
1. This is a marathon and not a sprint
If you’ve been through college but not grad school, you might remember the time when you pulled an all-nighter in college and did just enough to pass a class that you were way behind in.
It’s important to remember that graduate school works differently–your partner probably doesn’t have the option of doing things halfway.
Where an undergraduate student could get by skimming the readings, grad students are expected to read everything and make intelligent comments about what they have read. Multiple choice tests are not part of the curriculum. That is to say, even “barely passing” still requires an extraordinary amount of work.
Thus, your partner will need to put in many hours of work each week, consistently, in order to achieve his or her goal. Mentally prepare yourself for this, and you’ll be less likely to take it personally when your partner doesn’t have time for you. You’ll be a better support to them, and you’ll save yourself the suffering of feeling rejected.
This is a long grind and it will take time and lots of dedication, but they will cross the finish line.
2 . Your partner will change during the process
Anything that you do for many hours a week for 3 to 8 years is bound to change you. And grad school is designed to do just that. Your partner will look at the world differently when she or he finishes.
You will probably have changed over time as well. Learn to appreciate the new way of looking at the world. Dating a PhD student can be a bit like going through the PhD program vicariously–you too will be immersed in their topic as they describe the challenges they face and the revelations they have.
Over 50% of doctoral candidates don’t finish their dissertations.
If you can think of this as a journey that you are on together, it can be a fun process of learning and discovery. That said…
3. There actually is an end
You may think that your partner will never finish the #%&$*@ program. It just seems that way. Every day he/she gets a little closer. Sometimes it may not seem like the end will come but when it does you will have new adventures in front of you and an appreciative partner. Your support, in whatever way you can give it, will make the end of the journey arrive faster (or at least feel like it).
4. The people that your partner is dealing with may seem unreasonable
There may be times when your partner talks about a particular professor in less than glowing terms. Comments like “I already did this!” or “Didn’t he see that?” are mild examples of what might be said.
Rest assured that you do not need to jump in and defend your partner’s honor. You may think that the request is ridiculous (perhaps a nuance of APA punctuation) but it’s usually been made for a reason.
Even if the professor is truly being unreasonable, there is no need to defend your partner in these situations. Doing so will usually just make the situation worse. Instead, move on to number 5.
5. Just listen
Many times, all your partner may need is someone to listen to them. They may just need to vent a little without needing you to fix things.
Understand that there are times when your partner just needs someone to listen and not solve the problem . Being able to listen is a skill that serves all of us well. If your partner is working towards a doctorate, they can solve problems themselves–they just need a friend.
6. You may have to do some things alone
Your partner is very, very busy. You are probably aware of that already. You have a choice to sit and wait for him or her to finish or you can do some things on your own. Maybe you have always wanted to learn to play the guitar, or explore the local waterways by kayak. Perhaps there is a local group looking for mentors or other opportunities to volunteer.
The point is, there are many constructive things that you can do while your partner is doing school work. It will take the added pressure off of them if they know that you can enjoy yourself on your own and aren’t dependent on them for your happiness. Think of it as a free pass to get better acquainted with yourself and try new things.
7. Anything that you can do to lighten the load is appreciated
Perhaps your partner is working, going to school, and in a relationship with you all at the same time (and maybe you even have kids!). Even balancing school and a relationship may be overwhelming if you factor getting at least one good night’s sleep a week into the equation.
There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Anything that you can do will be very helpful and show how compassionate and supportive you are. Do the laundry, cook dinner, and you’ll earn your place as the supportive partner of your spouse’s dreams.
Final Thoughts on Dating a PhD Student
If your partner is in a doctoral program your life will change. If you can understand what she or he is going through and try to help, your life will be much easier and your partner will really appreciate everything that you do. And, while you are being supportive, take the chance to grow yourself.
Steve Tippins
Steve Tippins, PhD, has thrived in academia for over thirty years. He continues to love teaching in addition to coaching recent PhD graduates as well as students writing their dissertations. Learn more about his dissertation coaching and career coaching services. Book a Free Consultation with Steve Tippins
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Relationships are incompatible with PhDs, seems to be the conclusion. A recent BuzzFeed article really hit home with lots of my PhD friends - '24 Struggles You'll Only Understand If You're Dating A PhD Student' - it covers a lot of the issues PhD students in couples have
7 Things to Remember for Dating a PhD Student. 1. This is a marathon and not a sprint. If you've been through college but not grad school, you might remember the time when you pulled an all-nighter in college and did just enough to pass a class that you were way behind in. It's important to remember that graduate school works differently ...
I am a PhD candidate in Mechanical engineering (Aerospace engineering), it's my second year now. And I'm gay. So I've been questioning myself recently, since I think I work pretty hard on my research as well as my classes, but I have almost zero time for my personal life. Every weekday, I started at 8am until about 11pm, taking classes ...
Financial concerns. Pursuing a PhD is a significant investment, both in terms of time and money. With mounting student loan debt and often modest stipends, financial concerns can weigh heavily on the minds of PhD students. This can create feelings of stress and insecurity, making it difficult to fully enjoy the dating experience.
Dating a graduate student means dating a workaholic - Nearly every grad student not only does their own academic research, but they also make ends meet teaching or assisting in undergraduate classes. That means their time is at a premium. Making ends meet while furthering their studies is a delicate juggling act.
In grad school: Unfortunately, in grad school, a study date is a study date — no matter how badly you'd like to swipe all the papers off the desk and get busy. It's not because grad students are ...
Dating another PhD student can sometimes mean too little time together due to both being too occupied. However, dating someone outside the academic world might bring the opposite issue - they may want more time than a PhD schedule permits. Another challenge, if both partners are PhD students, is finding jobs in the same region after graduation.
(My husband was a graduate student at the university I'm a professor at, in a different department in the same school, when we started dating.) The core ethical issue in faculty/student relationships is the power dynamic: it creates an ethical problem if you have power over her career, either in a way that could favor her (leading to concerns ...
In the context of a committed relationship, it's easy for a busy student to take a partner for granted, focusing overwhelmingly on school obligations, according to the American Psychological Association's student social psychology representative, Ph.D. candidate David Kille, in his article, "Achieving an Optimal Work-Life Balance: Dating in Graduate School."
I am currently dating a PhD student in the same department as me (I am also a PhD student). Not the same research group, but closely related topics anyway. We're both happy with it, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I am worried about possible negative consequences on the job.
Dating in grad school is still much easier than dating as a professional, in a nutshell. Having a fair bit of control over my schedule and my research made it actually easier than in undergrad, in fact, to have time for my family. 1. Reply. perchloricacid.
Or dating another superstar PhD student to increase the odds of both getting a postdocs/jobs at the same universities. phd; academic-life; two-body-problem; Share. Improve this question. Follow asked Jul 16, 2021 at 9:24. anonymous_question anonymous_question. 535 1 1 ...
DrexelCreature. •. I stopped dating throughout my PhD until the last couple of years. It's just living in a constant state of walking on eggshells, anxiety, imposter syndrome, trust issues, etc. It is an extremely toxic environment for me and I don't want to drag anyone else down with me when I'm at my lowest.
Unfortunately, as an MD-PhD student that means I shy away from anyone involved in medicine, healthcare, or science which at times has seemed like the entire eligible dating population of Cambridge and Boston. The silver lining to this is that most people I date have no clue what a centrifuge is and have never set foot in a lab.
Start passing out those business cards. 4. Meetup.com. This is not a formal dating site, but it is a great place for PhDs to make connections with potential partners outside academia. There is a plethora of themed groups on this site - from hiking groups to cigar clubs - that you can filter by interest.
Date PhD students online on Dating.com. Busy PhD students often have no free time for dating, but it doesn't mean they don't need love and romantic moments in their lives or that they should only enjoy dating over 30 when their education is finished. That's why they use online dating: it doesn't take much time, it's mobile, convenient ...
"Graduate student" includes all students enrolled in any masters, PhD, professional, post-baccalaureate degree, non-degree or certificate program at the University or an affiliate, visiting graduate students, any graduate student employee or volunteer and any student in an executive education program at the University. ... Issue Date: June ...
His friend is in a masters of kinesiology program and is dating a Junior he met as an undergraduate. No issues. They are both younger graduate students (son is 21 and his friend 22) and gf's are 21 and 20 respectively. But no one checked on their ages. I think a 30yo grad student dating a brand new freshman might be more of an issue to some ...
What I wish I knew in medical school about dating as a student. Their relationship has spanned continents and lasted through varying stages of medical training—not to mention his wife's scholarly pursuits—but when it started, AMA member David Savage, MD, PhD, and his wife Elizabeth Frost were brought together by a shared interest.
10. Posted May 6, 2012. I was curious about what others thought about dating in grad school, esp. other grad students. I've heard that grad school is the last opportunity to meet a large group of intellectual and ambitious people at once. Since educated people tend to marry other educated people and meeting people once you're part of the ...
In 2006, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology graduate student launched SeekingArrangement.com to match older men (sugar daddies) with younger women (sugar babies) for "compensated dating ...
There are two big issues with marriage/relationships that I think are unique to academics and especially relevant for PhD students since they are just starting down the academic road. ... moves." This is true, but it is also unfortunately true that most tenure-track jobs are in places with limited 30+ dating scenes. - Anonymous. Commented Apr ...
I recommend checking the university's policy for situations like this. As far as I know, at my university we are not allowed to date an undergraduate student. Even after grades are out, as grades are just one of the potential issues in a situation like this. Other universities are much more lenient in that regard. 12.
Available to Commuter and Graduate students, we have launched a new avenue for you to stay up to date on opportunities for community and growth, connect directly with your designated Commuter ...
Graduate students, who may be balancing academics with professional and personal responsibilities, often focus more on professional development and networking within their field. They engage in specialized seminars, industry conferences, and research collaborations, fostering connections that can advance their careers.
The latest plan, expected to launch this fall, is intended as a second attempt at mass student debt relief after President Joe Biden's first plan was struck down by the Supreme Court last year.
NDSU makes getting a degree obtainable. With several undergraduate and graduate online degree programsto choose from, students can attend NDSU from anywhere. "It absolutely opens up those wanting to earn a degree from NDSU regardless of their location," said Sarah Crary, assistant director and online programs coordinator in the Office of Teaching and Learning.
DATE: July 22, 2024 TO: Department Heads, Graduate Coordinators, Deans FROM: Jim Ahern, Vice Provost & Dean, Graduate Education RE: Graduate Student Timely Registration [The following is an updated version of the 2023 timely registration memo] Late graduate student registration has been an ongoing issue at UW. Late registrations lead to
So dating hasn't been too bad. However dating another PhD student was a problem in that she was working much more than me and I was having a hard time handling not spending time together. Dating non PhD students was a different problem, they generally want to spend more time with me than I have.
GRADUATE TEACHING ASSISTANT(2024/25 Academic term) Course Number and Title: Various Undergraduate and Graduate CoursesInstructor: VariousNumber of Positions: Qualifications Required: Graduate students in Nursing; Undergraduate degree in Nursing required; Strong critical appraisal skills; Excellent interpersonal communication skills; Very good computer skills; Excellent academic writing skills.