waking up in hospital creative writing

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How do I write a scene when a character wakes up from being unconscious?

Often I read about people waking up after being unconscious or asleep in a story. Some authors write the characters as being confused, and it taking a second to remember what was happening before. I'm wondering if this is a real reaction, or just a way to add details. Are there any other details can I add besides the environment around them?

• creative-writing

• 1 Highly related: Help with describing an unconscious character . –  Laurel ♦ Commented Jan 19, 2023 at 2:07

You can use it for characterization as well as storytelling.

I think one of the most important factors for how the character wakes up and what they do are who they are (personality, neuro divergence, habits, psychology, etc.) Another is what happened to them before.

It sometimes happens that when I wake up I'm in a limbo zone between sleep and wake, where the connection between my conscious and unconscious mind seems extra strong, and some thoughts I've had during this time have been very profound. Your readers will likely have had this experience as well and might put extra emphasis on what the character thinks during this time.

For instance, I'm a person that likes puns. I'm also a person that has problems with sleep. And time is also a problem. Oversleeping is not unheard of. So the morning the first thought through my head was "this will bend adly" was rather characterizing for me. (And yes, I made that backward talk up then an there... or rather, it felt like my unconscious did...) What I did after having that thought (laughed and wrote it down) is also pretty characterizing.

Showing how the character's morning routine looks is another way to characterize. Do they jump out of bed to do pushups while the coffee brews, do they moan and snooze the alarm or something in between?

Depending on how the character lost consciousness the reaction to waking up can be different. For instance, do they remember where they were when they lost consciousness? Are they waking up in an unusual place? Sometimes it can be enough to fall asleep "upside down" in bed to wake up really confused (that is also really characterizing, who does that?) You can get similar effects from forgetting you're in a hotel room and not at home.

I have no experience of waking up from surgery, but I've had surgery, so my guess is that one predominant experience after surgery might be pain first of all.

I've woken up from sleep after a night of drinking more than once and pain can be pretty high up there as well (though more of a headache). I guess you could have a blackout about going to bed and wake up confused, but otherwise, it pretty much works like regular sleep (+ possible headaches and dehydration).

Losing consciousness due to other reasons (crimes or accidents) might work like getting blackout drunk. It's pretty obvious that if you're a woman and, after a night at the bar, wake up on the floor in your apartment with no memory of how you got there, your wakeup is going to be harrowing at best.

At what point in the sleep cycle you wake up (deep sleep or REM sleep) can also have a profound impact on how clearheaded you are. If you wake up to an alarm and it's the same time every day, you're likely to be totally clear and aware as soon as you wake up (or even before the alarm goes off), even more so if you use a sleep app.

If, on the other hand, you're out of sync and get woken up during deep sleep, you could be very groggy and confused and need some extra time to figure out where you are. In extreme cases, I've felt like I was drunk. (i.e. so unstable I had to support myself against things to not trip—bouncing between the walls so to speak...)

I guess a final factor would be how urgent you need to visit the bathroom. You're not likely to spend much time smelling the roses if you're seeing yellow submarines...

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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Setting Description Entry: Hospital

December 6, 2008 by BECCA PUGLISI

ambulances, doctors, nurses, ambulance attendants, paramedics, volunteers, porters, priests, visitors, firemen, police officers, pink/green/blue or patterned scrubs, gurney, clipboards, IV bags and stands, blood, cuts, bruises, pus, torn tissue, casts, arm slings…

doors sliding open and shut, furnace, air exchanger, screams, cries moans, gasps, grunts/hisses of pain, people talking in low voices, intercom calling out codes/directions, squeaky wheelchairs, the clack of the keyboard, a low-volumed radio or TV, heavy…

cleaners (pine, lemon, bleach etc), antiseptic, a metallic tang from stainless steel in the open air, bleach wafting from bedding, blood, vomit, sweat, perfume/cologne, the scent of get well flowers, questionable food smells from room trays, grease/meaty/soup smells…

Burnt coffee from machines, bland food from vending machines, Hospital food (jello, pudding, soups, oatmeal, bland chicken, mashed potatoes, dry buns or toast), snack foods from vending machines (granola bars, chips, candy bars, pop, juices, energy drinks…

Cold metal bed rails, soft pillows, crisp sheets, smooth plastic emergency remote/call remote, pain (hot, deep, burning, sharp, dull, achy, stabbing, probing), the prick of a needle, cool swipe of antiseptic being applied on skin, a sweaty forehead, sweat dripping…

Helpful hints:

–The words you choose can convey atmosphere and mood.

Example 1 : My gaze swivelled over the waiting room, looking for a place for Andrew and I to sit. A TV played quietly in one corner, a distraction that might help keep his mind off the stitches he would need in his arm. The seats closest to it stood empty, sandwiched between two sweating and shivering men. As one leaned forward and filled the space with harsh, hacking coughs, I understood why no one else had jumped at the prime location. I steered Andrew to the other side of the room, the bland walls and tableful of torn magazines suddenly much more appealing…

–Similes and metaphors create strong imagery when used sparingly.

Example 1: (Metaphor)  The orderly sped down the hall with his crash cart, straining to reach the ODed rock star. Doctors swarmed her bed, bees serving their queen, racing to bring her back from the dead…

Think beyond what a character sees, and provide a sensory feast for readers

Setting is much more than just a backdrop, which is why choosing the right one and describing it well is so important. To help with this, we have expanded and integrated this thesaurus into our online library at One Stop For Writers . Each entry has been enhanced to include possible sources of conflict , people commonly found in these locales , and setting-specific notes and tips , and the collection itself has been augmented to include a whopping 230 entries—all of which have been cross-referenced with our other thesauruses for easy searchability. So if you’re interested in seeing a free sample of this powerful Setting Thesaurus, head on over and register at One Stop.

On the other hand, if you prefer your references in book form, we’ve got you covered, too, because both books are now available for purchase in digital and print copies . In addition to the entries, each book contains instructional front matter to help you maximize your settings. With advice on topics like making your setting do double duty and using figurative language to bring them to life, these books offer ample information to help you maximize your settings and write them effectively.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Reader Interactions

September 6, 2011 at 12:41 am

Thanks Killian. 🙂

September 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm

You might want to add Benzoin to the smell category. I love the smell of Benzoin in the morning!

April 17, 2011 at 5:07 pm

These are awesome! I wish you had a post on mental or Psychiatric Hospitals, too!

Hmmm, maybe you can post one! 🙂

December 8, 2008 at 7:45 pm

Thanks everyone! I had to rely on my TV show watching and imagination fo rthe most part as I haven’t (thankfully) spent much time in a hospital.

*knocks on wood*

December 8, 2008 at 7:11 pm

Wow. How do you manage to put these things together? So in-depth.

December 7, 2008 at 9:30 am

I’ve spent enough time in hospitals to know…good job.

December 6, 2008 at 8:48 pm

Nice! A place of pain where all our characters should be!

December 6, 2008 at 6:51 pm

Med Gas stations.

I build medical centers as part of what I do. My guys stored their lunches in the unoccupied morgue trays. Rough bunch. Nothing like the mixed smells of ham, cheese & ‘preservatives’ – I guess.

[…] Hospital […]

Write that Scene

May your writing spirit live on forever

How to Write a Wake-Up Scene

SHARE THIS SITE WITH YOUR FELLOW WRITERS!

Note: For those of you who are thinking about publishing, please use this wisely. One of the five openings to avoid is a wake-up scene. Agents usually hate them, however, for those are you who are writing a short story for school or are writing fanfiction, or are writing just for fun, then by all means go ahead and use this. Ultimately, you can do anything you like. So if it feels totally right to you then start with this opening scene.

» A. Keep in mind the three MAIN ways to start a wake-up scene:

Example 1:   BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

• Make the scene portray your character’s personality.

» A. Third POV is great for suspense scenes, because the reader’s view is completely objective. Use it if you want to put a more pronounced accent on the MC’s reactions and inner thoughts.

Example 2:   

He freaked out when he didn’t hear the sound of his wife singing in the kitchen or when he didn’t smell the pancakes she makes every morning. “Make she went out,” Jim said, trying to reason with himself. “And make that loud explosive noise was just, he driving in to the car door again. Yeah, that’s it.”

He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted.

Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Jim knew something wasn’t right. The longer he waited, the less of an opportunity he had to save them IF, and only if, they were in real danger. Otherwise, he would go back to sleep.

Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door.

Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

He took two steps out the door. Looking left and right, he saw everything in its place. Nothing had been moved or blown up and his he couldn’t see the car in the driveway. He must have guess right… his wife did go out to the store.

Jim raced downstairs to see if Marla, his wife, left a note like she always did. But nothing. Zilch, nada. “What’s going on?” Jim said, feeling quite nervous. He was beginning to think something went terribly wrong and that explosion was no accident. Not– at– all.

• Be mindful of this scene’s purpose. Make a point for your readers to continue reading. Think about length and how necessary it is.

» Early on, hint at what relevance this scene has and what will be the outcome of it.

You can have the character keep waking up throughout the book because they have prophetic dreams, or have the entire story be a deam (which I wouldn’t recommend) and them waking up in the beginning never really happened.

Example 3:   

“Marla,” Jim shouted as he searched for his wife. There, lying in on the kitchen floor behind the counter was his wife, Marla. She had been murder and blood poured out of her body.

“We meet again,” a voice said, walking from behind.

“Please, please, don’t kill me. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll give you all that I have.”

“Too late,” the killer said with a smirk spread across his face. “It’s your turn to die. Heheheheh…” He pointed the gun at Jim and with a grin…. BANG!

The gun went off but luckily Jim woke up to the sound of his alarm. “Shit,” he said to himself. “What was that nightmare about? Good thing it was only a dream.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead and sat up in his bed. “I need to stop eating Marla’s cooking right before bed,” he joked to him self. Jim looked over at the clock. The time said 9:50. Then he began to think. “What if that wasn’t a just a dream, but a warning.” For some reason, Jim didn’t take his nightmare lightly. He ran out his room, went downstairs to where is wife was singing and cooking dinner. Outside, he could see his car parked in the driveway.

“Is everything okay, babe,” Marla said when putting the pancakes on a plate.

“I need to tell you something,” Jim said. He wasn’t sure how his wife would handle his theory, but he willingly tried to explain himself anyway.

» Reflect on the day the character is ‘designed’ to have. Emphasis what is to come and promise the reader things that you won’t break your promise.

Example 4:   

Marla clearly held back the tears. “Are you being serious right now, Jim. I know how you love to joke.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me this before. If someone wanted to murder us we should have fled.”

“I know, I know.”  Jim lowered his head. “I didn’t believe them at first, but after the nightmare I had I think we shouldn’t risk anything.”

“How much time do we have?” Marla believed her husband. The look on her face showed pure determination.

“We haven’t much time. I have the wallet and keys to the car. We need to leave now.”

“Without packing,” Marla cried, “without eating my pancakes? I put the cherry on top how you like.”

Jim grabbed his wife and practically dragged her outside. “I can eat it in the car. Look, we don’t have all day. “

Jim and Marla both knew what the rest of today’s schedule was going to be like. They were on the run from a guy who wanted to kill them. Whether or not the killer really was going to do what he said he was going to do, Jim didn’t want to risk putting his family in danger. He would be forever grateful to the universe for giving him that nightmare, which gave him a total of 45 minutes to save his tail.

“Babe,” Marla said when they were driving safely on the freeway. “Are we ever going to return?”

Jim shook his head then grabbed his wife’s hand. “You know we can’t do that. “Five years ago when we agreed to become spies for the government, we knew of the consequence. No kids, no close relatives, and no living in places longer than a few months. We exceeded that limit which is why we are in this predicament.”

Marla frowned. “I know. But we only stayed two extra weeks. Besides, we should get used to not running around so much. Maybe we should retire.”

Jim looked over at Marla and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

Marla smiled, held up a pregnancy test and said, “Because, Jim, I’m pregnant.”

Jim swerved the car out of shock, accidentally hitting into a concrete wall on the freeway. Marla screamed, Jim yelled before the collision and soon they both blacked out.  Luckily they survived. The only problem was… well, they ended up inside a dark chamber… their enemy’s dark chamber happened to be following them the whole time on the freeway. Who knows how long they’d have to stay in there? But we can all agree, it would be well past Jim’s bedtime.

** !You might have to scroll down the textbox with your mouse!

    BOOM! A loud noise sounded from downstairs. “It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen,” Jim thought out loud. He had jumped out of his bed and landed face-down on the floor. The entire night he was alert; just yesterday someone threatened to murderer his whole family. He didn’t take that person seriously but now Jim was beginning to think he should have.

   He freaked out when he didn’t hear the sound of his wife singing in the kitchen or when he didn’t smell the pancakes she makes every morning. “Make she went out,” Jim said, trying to reason with himself. “And make that loud explosive noise was just, he driving in to the car door again. Yeah, that’s it.”

However, Jim was wrong. Dead wrong. He didn’t want to leave his room yet; what if it was too dangerous. For all he knew either his family was dead and the murderer stood right outside his bedroom door, waiting for him, or his family was perfectly fine and he overreacted. 

      Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Jim knew something wasn’t right. The longer he waited, the less of an opportunity he had to save them IF, and only if, they were in real danger. Otherwise, he would go back to sleep. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

      He took two steps out the door. Looking left and right, he saw everything in its place. Nothing had been moved or blown up and his he couldn’t see the car in the driveway. He must have guess right… his wife did go out to the store.

       Jim raced downstairs to see if Marla, his wife, left a note like she always did. But nothing. Zilch, nada. “What’s going on?” Jim said, feeling quite nervous. He was beginning to think something went terribly wrong and that explosion was no accident. Not– at– all. Jim, still half asleep, grabbed his robe, paced around his bedroom contemplating if he should walk out or not, and finally, he decided to take the leap of faith and open his room door. Before he took a step out the door he check the clock: 10:30 it said. He work up 15 minutes before his alarm went off. “Great,” he thought out loud, “this better not be a sick joke or Imma be mad.”

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6 thoughts on “ How to Write a Wake-Up Scene ”

WOW! You guys r incredible, thanks soooooo much !!

You’re very welcome!

Wow hi do you think wake up scenes to start a story are bad even if it’s a twist? like someone wakes up and they’re in somewhere completely new?

No, it’s not bad. Be sure to make it entertaining. Put yourself in the readers position. What do you want to read about waking up in the morning?

Which are the other four openings to avoid?

Dream Sequences

Opening with a character introducing themselves

A character looking in a mirror

Extended dialogue with no direction

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How to Write a Mental Hospital Scene (21 Tips + Examples)

Mental hospital scenes are profound episodes that can reveal character depth, propel the narrative, and shed light on complex emotions.

Here is how to write a mental hospital scene:

Write a mental hospital scene by ensuring meticulous research, emphasizing sensitivity and accuracy, developing genuine patient and staff dynamics, and avoiding harmful stereotypes. Remember to include realistic treatments and always prioritize the patient’s journey.

In this guide, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to write a mental hospital scene.

1. Research Authentic Details

Table of Contents

Just like any setting, a mental hospital scene will benefit from accurate details.

Before diving in, research the various types of mental health facilities, their procedures, daily routines, treatments offered, and the general environment.

Why It’s Helpful: By incorporating real-world information, you can create a scene that’s both credible and informative. It can provide readers with a realistic insight into what life inside such a facility is like, without resorting to stereotypes or misconceptions.

Example: Instead of describing a vague room with white walls, mention specifics like “a group therapy room with a circle of chairs, motivational posters on the wall, and a soft hum of the air conditioning unit.”

2. Prioritize Sensitivity and Accuracy

Mental health is a delicate topic, and portraying it incorrectly can perpetuate stigma and harm.

It’s essential to approach your writing with compassion and understanding.

Why It’s Helpful: Accurate and sensitive portrayal can humanize your characters and foster empathy among readers. This approach respects those who’ve experienced similar settings or conditions.

Example: Instead of using derogatory terms like “crazy” or “loony,” describe a patient’s struggles or emotions. E.g., “James often felt detached from reality, a fog that made it hard for him to connect with others.”

3. Diversify the Patients’ Backgrounds

Not every patient in a mental hospital has the same backstory or diagnosis.

Diversity in background, socio-economic status, and mental health challenges will enrich your narrative.

Why It’s Helpful: By showcasing a variety of patients, you can debunk the myth that mental health issues are limited to a particular group of people. Everyone, irrespective of background, can face mental health challenges.

Example: Introduce characters like Maria, a high-powered lawyer battling post-partum depression, or Lee, a college student dealing with severe anxiety.

4. Avoid Stereotypical Tropes

Stereotypes, such as the evil nurse or the unhinged patient, are not only inaccurate but also harmful.

They perpetuate myths about mental health and institutions.

Why It’s Helpful: By avoiding stereotypes, your story gains authenticity, and you offer readers fresh, unexpected narratives that engage and educate.

Example: Instead of an “evil nurse,” portray a healthcare worker who’s overwhelmed by the system’s limitations, struggling to provide the best care possible.

5. Capture the Day-to-Day Routine

A mental hospital has daily routines, from therapy sessions to meal times.

Showcasing these details can ground your scene in reality.

Why It’s Helpful: This approach gives readers an insight into the structure and function of such facilities. Plus, mundane details can often amplify the emotional gravity of a scene.

Example: “Every morning at 8 AM, a gentle chime signaled breakfast, followed by a group therapy session where patients shared their dreams and fears.”

6. Highlight Interpersonal Relationships

Patients interact with each other, forming bonds, friendships, and sometimes conflicts.

These relationships can be a goldmine for character development.

Why It’s Helpful: Through interpersonal relationships, you can showcase the humanity of the patients, their struggles, and the impact of their environment on their psyche.

Example: “Lena found solace in her conversations with Roy. Both battling depression, they often sat together during free periods, sharing coping mechanisms and hope.”

7. Incorporate External Family Dynamics

Families play a pivotal role in the life of someone admitted to a mental facility.

They bring a blend of support, conflict, love, and sometimes even denial or guilt.

Why It’s Helpful: By introducing family dynamics, you can add depth to your protagonist’s backstory and drive the plot forward.

Example: “Every Sunday, Elise’s family visited, her younger sister tiptoeing around the topic of Elise’s attempted suicide, while her mother clutched her hand, eyes brimming with tears.”

8. Use Personal Experience

If you, like me, have personal experience or close ties with someone who has been in a mental hospital, draw from that genuine emotion and understanding.

Why It’s Helpful: Personal experiences can lend authenticity and raw emotion to your writing. They help create a visceral connection between the author, characters, and readers.

Example: “The sterile smell of the facility always reminded me of my cousin’s stay. The weight in my chest, recalling the emotions we felt during those tough times.”

9. Avoid Romanticizing Mental Illness

It’s crucial to avoid glamorizing or romanticizing mental illness.

Always portray it as a genuine, often challenging, experience.

Why It’s Helpful: Authentic portrayals promote understanding and empathy among readers, while romanticizing can mislead and harm real-world perceptions.

Example: Don’t have characters find “the one” during their stay, implying love is the cure. Instead, focus on their individual healing journey.

10. Ensure Accurate Treatment Depictions

Treatments in mental hospitals vary, from therapy to medications.

It’s essential to depict these accurately.

Why It’s Helpful: By showcasing realistic treatment methods, you offer readers an educative insight and debunk myths surrounding mental health care.

Example: “Dr. Patel introduced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Jane, helping her recognize and challenge her distorted thoughts.”

11. Embrace the Power of Internal Monologue

Diving deep into a character’s internal thoughts can provide readers with an intimate understanding of their mental state.

It’s a powerful tool for unveiling their emotions, fears, hopes, and more while in a mental health facility.

Why It’s Helpful: An internal monologue creates a direct channel between the character and the reader, offering a firsthand experience of the character’s psyche. This connection can foster deeper empathy and understanding.

Example: “As Anna sat in her room, she contemplated her progress: ‘Has therapy really made a difference? Why do I still feel this void inside? Maybe tomorrow will be better.’ “

12. Consider the Environment’s Impact

The physical environment of a mental hospital can significantly impact its inhabitants.

Factors like lighting, room sizes, and even color schemes can affect mood and well-being.

Why It’s Helpful: Highlighting these environmental details can emphasize the setting’s influence on the patients. It allows readers to grasp the tangible aspects of life within such walls.

Example: “The pale blue walls of the facility were chosen to induce calm, yet to Mark, they felt cold and isolating, reminding him of the vast ocean he once feared.”

13. Introduce Supportive Staff Characters

While it’s vital to avoid stereotypes, it’s equally vital to represent the countless compassionate professionals in mental health facilities.

These individuals work diligently to support and uplift their patients.

Why It’s Helpful: By introducing caring staff members, you can offer a balanced perspective of life inside the hospital. This balance helps in dispelling myths that every worker is indifferent or even malicious.

Example: “Nurse Ramirez often spent her breaks with patients, sharing stories and offering words of encouragement, exemplifying the genuine care many professionals bring to their roles.”

14. Delve into Group Therapy Dynamics

Group therapy sessions are common in many mental health facilities.

They provide a platform for patients to share experiences, find mutual support, and learn from one another.

Why It’s Helpful: By including group therapy scenes, you can highlight the communal aspect of healing and the diverse range of issues patients face. Such scenes can also serve as pivotal plot points or character development moments.

Example: “In the group session, when Lila hesitated to share, Aaron nudged her supportively, reminding her of the bond they’d forged in their shared journey towards recovery.”

15. Use Subtle Symbolism

Symbolism can enrich your narrative, adding layers of depth.

Objects, colors, or even recurring motifs can symbolize a character’s mental state or the overarching theme of your story.

Why It’s Helpful: When done right, symbolism can provide readers with “aha!” moments, offering insights and evoking powerful emotions without explicitly stating them.

Example: “The wilting plant in Mia’s room wasn’t just decor. As she began to heal, she started tending to it, and its gradual revival mirrored her own journey back to vitality.”

16. Address the Outside World’s Perspective

Patients in mental hospitals don’t exist in a vacuum.

They’re aware of the outside world’s perceptions and judgments, which can shape their self-image and healing process.

Why It’s Helpful: Incorporating this external perspective can ground your narrative in the broader societal context, addressing the stigmas and challenges patients face both inside and outside the hospital walls.

Example: “Every time Sarah’s old friends visited, their whispered conversations and stolen glances made her feel like an exhibit, amplifying her determination to recover and reintegrate.”

17. Consider the Passage of Time

Time can be experienced differently within the confines of a mental hospital.

Days might blur together, or significant breakthroughs might make specific days stand out.

Why It’s Helpful: By playing with time’s perception, you can enhance the narrative’s emotional resonance. This technique can either amplify the monotony or the significant milestones in a character’s journey.

Example: “For Alex, the first 30 days felt like an eternity, each day indistinguishable from the last. But after his breakthrough in therapy, every day became a step forward, a distinct movement towards hope.”

18. Explore Alternative Therapies

Beyond medications and talk therapy, many facilities offer alternative therapies like art, music, or animal therapy. Delving into these can add layers to your narrative.

Why It’s Helpful: Highlighting these therapies showcases the multifaceted nature of mental health care and can provide visually engaging or emotionally charged scenes for your narrative.

Example: “The art room became Clara’s sanctuary. With every brushstroke, she externalized her pain, crafting canvases that resonated with every patient who viewed them.”

19. Don’t Shy Away from Tough Moments

While it’s vital to handle mental health topics sensitively, it’s also good not to gloss over the challenging moments.

Authenticity requires confronting difficult emotions and scenarios.

Why It’s Helpful: Addressing tough moments head-on can offer a holistic portrayal of life in a mental hospital. Readers can appreciate the highs and lows, making the narrative more engaging and genuine.

Example: “The night Jamie had a breakdown, the entire ward echoed with his screams. But it was also a turning point, leading to an intervention that became his salvation.”

20. Integrate Hope and Positivity

Despite the challenges, many individuals find hope and healing within mental hospitals.

Integrating moments of positivity, resilience, and progress can create a balanced narrative.

Why It’s Helpful: Infusing your story with hope can inspire and uplift readers. It offers a message that while challenges exist, so do triumphs, growth, and recovery.

Example: “Every evening, Lucy and Sam sat by the window, counting the stars. For them, each star symbolized a day of resilience, a beacon of hope in their shared journey.”

21. Seek Feedback and Sensitivity Readers

Given the sensitivity of the topic, it’s wise to get feedback, particularly from sensitivity readers familiar with mental health issues and institutions.

Why It’s Helpful: Sensitivity readers can point out unintentional biases, inaccuracies, or harmful representations, ensuring your narrative is respectful and authentic.

Example: “After completing my draft, I reached out to Jenna, a friend who’d spent time in a mental hospital. Her insights were invaluable, refining my portrayal and enhancing the story’s authenticity.”

Here is a good (and short) video about some details that will help you write a mental hospital scene:

30 Best Words to Write a Mental Hospital Scene

Writing a mental hospital scene requires a specific set of vocabulary to convey the atmosphere, emotions, and experiences authentically and sensitively.

Here are 30 words that can enhance the quality and depth of your writing:

• Breakthrough
• Vulnerability
• Rehabilitation

30 Phrases to Write a Mental Hospital Scene

The right phrases can breathe life into your mental hospital scenes, making them vivid and compelling.

Here’s a curated list of 30 phrases to enhance your narrative:

• “Therapeutic intervention”
• “Emotional turbulence”
• “Road to recovery”
• “Clung to hope”
• “Silent struggle”
• “Shared vulnerability”
• “Walls of confinement”
• “Echoing hallways”
• “Clinical atmosphere”
• “A glimmer of progress”
• “Beneath the surface”
• “Raw emotions”
• “Behind closed doors”
• “Wrestling with demons”
• “Path to wellness”
• “Medicated haze”
• “Veil of silence”
• “Journey of healing”
• “Isolated world”
• “Professional help”
• “Challenging the stigma”
• “Safety protocols”
• “The grip of fear”
• “Encounter with empathy”
• “Seeking solace”
• “Circle of support”
• “Reclaiming control”
• “Group therapy sessions”
• “Breaking barriers”
• “Personal breakthroughs”

How to Write a Mental Hospital Scene (Full Example)

In the narrative below, I’ll provide a full example of how to write a mental hospital scene, drawing upon the tips, words, and phrases I’ve shared earlier in this guide.

Evelyn found herself in the echoing hallways of Serenity Pines, a mental health facility known for its compassionate care. The clinical atmosphere was both intimidating and comforting; every corner of the space whispered of a structured path to wellness.

The first days were a blur of intake assessments, therapy sessions, and medication adjustments. Evelyn was engulfed in emotional turbulence , a storm that had been brewing long before her admission. The professionals around her, from the nurses to the therapists, became her lifeline in those foggy days.

A week into her stay, Evelyn joined the group therapy sessions. In the circle of support, surrounded by others wrestling with demons of their own, she experienced a shared vulnerability. The stories, varied yet intertwined by the silent struggle of mental health, brought both solace and pain.

As days turned into weeks, the echoing hallways of Serenity Pines became familiar, a silent witness to Evelyn’s journey of healing. She felt a complex array of emotions, from the isolated world of her depression to the breakthrough moments when hope seemed tangible.

Dr. Thompson, her therapist, was a rock amidst the stormy seas of her recovery. Through therapeutic interventions, he helped Evelyn peel back the layers of pain and trauma, exposing the raw emotions buried beneath the surface.

One day, as rain trickled down the windows, Evelyn experienced a personal breakthrough. In the midst of a session, amidst the medicated haze and veiled silences, she clung to hope, a frail yet unyielding anchor. It was a glimmer of progress, a testament to her resilience.

The walls of confinement at Serenity Pines, once cold and intimidating, were transformed. Each room, each corridor, told a story of silent struggles and echoed the whispers of recovery. Evelyn was not alone; she was part of a collective journey, each soul striving to break barriers and reclaim control.

As the day of her release approached, Evelyn reflected on the road to recovery.

The mental hospital, with its clinical atmosphere, professional help, and safety protocols, had been both a prison and a sanctuary. In the echoing hallways, amidst the emotional turbulence, Evelyn had confronted her demons, challenged the stigma, and embarked upon a journey of healing – a journey not of isolation, but of shared vulnerability, support, and enduring hope.

Final Thoughts: How to Write a Mental Hospital Scene

Crafting an authentic mental hospital scene requires sensitivity, research, and a deep commitment to accurate representation.

For more insightful articles on writing scenes (and other things), please take a look around my website.

Read This Next:

• How to Write Hospital Scenes (21 Best Tips + Examples)
• How to Write Filler Scenes (25 Best Tips, Types, & Examples)
• How to Write Two Simultaneous Scenes (Explained + Examples)
• How to Describe a Homeless Person in Writing (21 Best Tips)

How to Write a Character in a Coma

Comas are inherently dramatic, and a popular trope for fiction of all mediums and genres. Despite this, many people who try to include a coma arc in their story end up getting a lot of things wrong. Comas are complicated medical situations with varied outcomes for each individual case. If you use the same formula for writing about comas as everyone before you, you’re going to end up with a relatively dull, medically inaccurate depiction of what should be a major emotional development in your plot. 

This article was originally part of the How to Write about Brain Damage (Accurately!) article. Check out that article first if you want all the context! 

What is a Coma?

A coma is a prolonged period of unconsciousness, during which a person will be unresponsive. That means they will be unable to speak, move, or wake up. They will not react to stimuli (such as being poked or prodded) at all. 

Often, comas are the result of damage to the brainstem or cerebellum (a small section of the underside of the brain). Widespread or severe brain damage affecting other parts of the brain can also result in a person slipping into a coma.

However, brain damage is not the only reason a character could end up in a coma.

Different Types of Comas

There are two main kinds of coma that you’ll need to know about: medically induced comas, and comas that are a direct result of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). 

Medically Induced Comas

A medically induced coma (also called a therapeutic coma) is a coma brought on by specific medications (barbiturates, otherwise known as sedatives).

Doctors induce comas in patients while they are recovering from a particularly gruesome head injury or extensive neurosurgery. The purpose of this is to reduce swelling in the brain by decreasing its electrical activity, which promotes better blood flow and prevents further damage. Most automatic functions, such as breathing, cease, so a character in a medically induced coma will be reliant on machines to keep them alive during this time. 

Another reason a character could be put in a medically induced coma is if they have been severely burned. A person suffering from severe burns may be kept in a coma while they recover to spare them the agony of their injury. If you want to know more about writing about burns, check out How to Describe Burns in Writing .

Other reasons a character could be put in a coma include stroke, epilepsy complications, and severe physical trauma. 

Generally, a medically induced coma will last no more than a few days or weeks. It is extremely rare for a medically induced coma to last more than a month. 

Trauma-Induced Comas

The number one cause of comas is brain damage.

A coma that directly results from traumatic brain injury is a serious concern, because it means that the damage to the brain is so severe that it ceases to function.

Typically, coma occurs with damage to the brainstem, but severe or widespread damage to other parts of the brain can lead to this as well. A person may be alert for a period before they slip into a coma, or they could immediately lose consciousness following their traumatic injury. Either way, if they cannot get to a hospital quickly, their prospects are not good. Since breathing and heartbeats rely on the brainstem to function, even minutes away from medical assistance could result in death. 

How to Write a Character Waking Up from a Coma

Everyone knows that the point when a character wakes up from a coma to see all their loved ones clustered around their hospital bed is the most emotionally charged scene of the entire plot arc. However, waking up from a coma is not as simple as movies make it seem. 

People actually go through several distinct stages as they are waking up from a TBI-induced coma, and this process can take an extremely long time.

The timeframe for recovery can vary wildly depending on many different factors. One person may recover within a matter of weeks or months, while another person with a similar injury could be comatose for over a year. Similarly, the length of time spent in each of these stages will vary per person and could range from a few days to a few months (and in rare cases, years).

Recovery also comes and goes in stages, so a person may show marked recovery and then plateau for a long stretch of time. Just because a person hasn’t shown signs of recovery for months does not mean they won’t suddenly start recovering again. 

The first stage is the coma itself, where a person is entirely unconscious, unresponsive, and unaware of their surroundings. They cannot wake up, no matter what kind of stimulus they are exposed to. 

The second stage is called stupor, and although it closely resembles a coma, it can be a sign that recovery is imminent. A person in a stupor will be unconscious and unaware of their surroundings, but they may wake briefly with persistent stimuli. If they are left alone, they will lapse back into unconsciousness.

Vegetative State

The third stage is called the vegetative state. The person will be unconscious most of the time and unaware of their surroundings, but unlike in the first two stages, they will have sleep-wake cycles and will lapse between periods of unresponsiveness and alertness. They may open their eyes, smile, groan, sigh, and make other sounds or expressions, but they will not be able to move purposefully, speak, or focus on things. They will not understand speech, and will not generally respond to things in their environment. 

If this condition persists for more than a month, it is referred to as a “persistent vegetative state.” If it persists for more than 12 months, it is called a “permanent vegetative state” (even though recovery can still occur after the 12-month period). 

Minimally Responsive State

The fourth stage is called the minimally responsive state, and it is characterized by the person regaining some level of awareness of the world around them. They may focus on things in their environment, watch moving objects, respond in some way to verbal stimuli (such as following commands, turning their head towards the speaker, or reacting emotionally), or move their body with some level of intention and purpose.

At this stage, they may not be aware all the time, will likely be incomprehensible, and will not have complete control over their body or mental processes. Regardless, they may regain some sense of self and bias, and react more positively to certain individuals they recognize than to strangers. 

Post-Traumatic Confusional State

The final stage is called the post-traumatic confusional state. At this point, the patient would be fully awake and aware of their surroundings, and they may regain many of the bodily and mental functions they had prior to their injury. They will likely be able to speak to some degree, move their body with intention and purpose, and react reasonably to different kinds of stimuli. However, they will likely behave inappropriately, suffer from some degree of delirium or delusion, appear disoriented or incomprehensible at times, and be unable to recall basic facts or memories about their own life. Their recovery may end up being a lifelong process. 

Memory problems are also common in this stage, and this is referred to as post-traumatic amnesia. If you want to learn more about amnesia, then be sure to check out How to Write a Character with Amnesia.

This is the stage that is most commonly considered to be when the person officially “wakes up” from the coma, since this is when they are able to hold a conversation and be aware of their surroundings. If you need help conveying how the character comes to their senses after being minimally conscious, then you could find some helpful tips in my other article, When and How to Write a Character Waking Up .

Writing About Brain Death

Of course, not everyone wakes up from a coma. In some cases, the brain will be unable to repair itself, causing brain cells to die and electrical activity to cease. Once a person becomes brain dead, they will never be able to wake again, even if life support can keep their heart beating. Once the brain dies, the person is gone forever. 

It’s not always easy to tell if a person is in a regular coma, or if they are brain dead, but physicians have ways of determining this beyond a reasonable doubt. Doctors use these various tests to figure out if a patient is brain dead or not:

• Testing brainstem reflexes (such as suctioning at the throat to see if the patient swallows or gags, squirting cold water in their ear, inflicting pain, and shining a light in the patient’s eyes to see if they constrict and dilate).
• Performing an apnea test, in which the patient is removed from a ventilator to see if they make any attempt to breathe on their own.
• Performing a cerebral angiography or Electroencephalography (EEG), which tests brain activity.

If any of these tests result in some kind of reaction from the patient or any level of brain activity can still be detected, the patient cannot be diagnosed as brain dead. If there is any doubt at all , the determination of brain death cannot be made.

Additionally, even after a determination of brain death has been made, the hospital must wait for a reasonable period of time before the patient can be removed from life support and autopsied or prepared for organ donation. This length of time is usually about 6 hours, but the time can be modified depending on the patient’s individual situation. This waiting period is intended to completely eliminate any possibility of recovery before a determination of death. 

If, after the waiting period is over, the tests still show there is no brain activity, then the person is officially declared dead. 

If you intend to kill one of your characters this way, I recommend checking out A Guide to Killing Your Characters . It can help you figure out how to handle writing about the things leading up to, and the aftermath of, a major character’s death. 

It can be challenging to write about comas, but with appropriate research and a compassionate approach, you can create a story with emotional depth that your readers will remember for years to come. 

Good luck, writers!

Writing Medical Scenes: Really Useful Links by Paul Anthony Shortt

Paul anthony shortt.

• 24 August 2017

Hospitals, injuries, and medical emergencies are common throughout multiple genres of fiction, and it’s easy to see why. When a character is hurt or sick, this creates instant tension and can have an impact on how the rest of the story goes. Everyone has experiences of injury and illness, whether directly or from a friend or loved one going through it. So we have an immediate connection once we see that a character needs medical help.

But, while everyone knows what it’s like to get hurt or be sick, only a select few of us have the knowledge, experience, and training to know how wounds are treated, what medical practices need to be followed, and how things operate behind the scenes in a hospital. Most of us will get our “knowledge” of this from television, which can frequently be wrong, as we’ve learned in previous articles.

So here are some places you can go to sharpen up your medical knowledge for your writing.

(Please note, none of the articles I’m sharing are intended to replace actual medical training; if you or anyone you know gets hurt or is seriously ill, please seek proper medical help.)

1: Dumbest Medical Mistakes – You can’t beat first-hand knowledge. Allnurses-Breakroom is an online community for nurses, and this discussion thread is a goldmine of little mistakes that you can avoid.

2: How to Write a Hospital Scene – Writethatscene.com offers structure and writing advice for a range of different scenes. In this article they break down the important elements that go into a hospital scene.

3: Not Quite Dead – If your character needs medical attention, what was the reason? You don’t just need to know how their injuries will be treated, you also need to know how their injuries will affect them, directly.

4: Infusing Medical Details Into Your Fiction – This guest post by retired physician Richard Mabry is littered with the kind of small details that help bring your writing to life, along with some good advice about how to present these details in a natural and accessible way.

That’s all for this week. Good luck!

(c) Paul Anthony Shortt

About the author

Paul Anthony Shortt believes in magic and monsters; in ghosts and fairies, the creatures that lurk under the bed and inside the closet. The things that live in the dark, and the heroes who stand against them. Above all, he believes that stories have the power to change the world, and the most important stories are the ones which show that monsters can be beaten.

Paul’s work includes the  Memory Wars Trilogy  and the  Lady Raven Series . His short fiction has appeared in the Amazon #1 bestselling anthology,  Sojourn Volume 2.

Website:  http://w ww.paulanthonyshortt.com

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/pashortt

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