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• Most Embarrassing Moment Essay Example

My Most Embarrassing Moment Essay: Don't Be Shy To Tell

By: Henrique Bertulino

Did you know that stories about awkward moments make people more creative? This fact was discovered by researchers from the Kellogg School of Management. As the authors of the study explain, voicing embarrassing situations, a person removes the barrier of self-censorship and is ready for non-standard solutions. That is why high school teachers often give the assignment to write an embarrassing moment essay to their students.

My Most Embarrassing Moment Essay Sample

1. delve into the nature of the essay, 2. opt for the exact story, 3. a strong hook is a good start, 4. draw an outline, 5. describe, don't tell, 6. write an insightful conclusion, pay attention.

Just like the peer-reviewed articles, it was one of my friends' birthdays. My friend wanted to celebrate the day beautifully, so he invited many people. Actually, the date of his birthday was October 21st. What happened in my mind I don't know - I just forgot the date and as you know that these happened long past, and we did not have the facilities of mobile phones, and the only way of communication distantly was a land phone, and unfortunately, I did not have any landline in my house. Another problem happened that the school was also closed on some occasions. Because of that, I had no regular communication with my friends. I remember the date as October 22nd though the date was one day behind. I prepared for the day's celebration and bought an expensive gift for my friend, which I felt would pass for a proper my most memorable moment essay.

While I was buying the gift for my friend, he and our friends were celebrating the birthday because the date was October 21st. As I thought the date was October 22nd, I went to my friend's house with the gift. At first, my reaction was very awkward because I saw neither anybody nor any festive look there. I did not understand what happened there, why there was nothing special - thinking that I just tapped on the calling bell of my friend's house. Hearing the bell, my friend's mom opened the door and became amazed to explore me with a gift. She said, "Hi, how are you? Why didn't you come yesterday?" I became perplexed, and I asked her what happened. She replied that yesterday was my friend's birthday. Suddenly my friend, Jimmie, came out and scolded me for not participating in the birthday celebration. I became dumbfounded and explained everything. He was convinced and served me some slices of his birthday cake and other foods which were prepared on his birthday. I was just embarrassed in front of two people - my friend and his mom. I did not know that the worse thing is waiting for me the next day.

Furthermore, I thought that my embarrassment had ended there, but it did not. I think it was all for the success of my most embarrassing moment essay. The next day I went to school and noticed that some of my friends were laughing at me. I didn't ask why they were behaving like that, but I was beginning to understand. When I entered the classroom, everyone just burst out laughing. Everyone already knew about my mistake with my friend's birthday. It is difficult to describe in words what I felt at that moment. But it really was the most embarrassing moment I have ever experienced.

Embarrassing Moment Essay: What To Pay Attention To and What Not To Miss

Each of us has experienced some embarrassing moments in his or her life. Such moments usually make us laugh or, conversely, sad. At such moments we remember. It's not always pleasant to tell someone, but sometimes it can be your task in high school. How to overcome shame and competently and interestingly tell the reader about your embarrassing incident?

6 Tips On How To Create Your Embarrassing Moments Essay

You will describe the most embarrassing moment in the form of a personal narrative essay. What is a personal essay? There are many good definitions of this type of essay, but what we like most is this:

A personal essay is a short autobiographical story that includes some life situations that characterize you in a certain way. This type of writing involves a creative approach, and therefore it can have a free essay structure. In an experience essay, a person tells something very personal, even intimate. It is full of excitement and emotions. At the end of the embarrassing moment essay, the author analyzes how he or she was affected by a situation, whether it changed him or her or not.

"Embarrassing moments of my life" is your unique story. However, such moments happen in everyone's life - in school years or in adult life. It can be a story about the first day in a new team, an awkward event on holiday, a story about when you did not complete an English task, or how you forgot a new friend's name. Close your eyes and remember the same story that made you go through a storm of emotions. That's what you need to put on paper. Here's what the following stories might look like:

"It was in 2000 when I was 20 years old. Before I didn't have any plane journey, so it was the very expected thing for me. The same day came - the day of my first flight. So I got a little excited and arrived at the airport. I took my seat, and it was just beside a window because I like to look outside.

I really wanted to breathe fresh air outside. So I started looking for a way to open the window. But I failed to do so. I noticed that some of the passengers looked at me in great surprise. But I saw a hostess nearby. I asked her where the window locks so that I can open it. Hearing that, many passengers started smiling. I realized that something went wrong, and I felt shy. The air hostess was polite enough to reply to me by just saying - sir, the windows of a plane can not be opened because of the risk factor. I immediately understood that it was very embarrassing. The journey was around one hour long, and all the way, and I could not look at other passengers as I felt so shy."

"My most embarrassing experience" essay should interest the reader from the first words. Find the same hook that will immediately catch the audience. Here are some good hook essay examples:

"Once, a "grandfather" came to me for an interview for a digital marketer, who had completed all Google and Facebook courses on the recommendation of his daughter, but absolutely did not understand the task, my slang, and why everyone in the office was three times younger."

"Once, the candidate asked his best friend (a good specialist) to go for an interview instead of himself. He went and ... got a job and worked there successfully."

In the introduction, you set the tone and reveal the topic of your essay.

Although an essay on an embarrassing thing does not have a clear organizational structure, you should still organize your thoughts. Just write on a piece of paper what and how you will write about. The introduction should include a hook and a statement. Describe the situation in the body of the paper, and in the end, tell how it affected you.

"I was ashamed."

"This situation made my voice tremble. My knees buckled, there was a lump in my throat. I want to get out of there as soon as possible. It wasn't me, I never felt so embarrassed."

Feel the difference between these two examples? Your task is to write as shown in the second version. You can't just write how you felt, you need to try to describe your condition as vividly as possible. The reader must imagine the full picture and feel what you felt.

A good conclusion gives the reader a sense of completeness. You can return to your lead to complete the circle. Repeat your statement to end the story that changed you.

It happens that you have something to tell, but you can not properly arrange it. In such cases, it is better to seek professional help in the essay writing service. You need to remember that your work must be free of plagiarism and written in an appropriate format (APA, MLA, Chicago). Professional writers will ensure compliance with all these requirements.

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Add Your Comment

We are very interested to know your opinion

i love it thank you

It was helpful. Now I am able to understand the topic

This guide with embarrassing moment examples really struck a chord with me as someone who has difficulty writing about their own personal experiences. It gave me everything I needed to finally tackle a difficult topic and share it with others🙏

Thanks! I was able to take a potentially embarrassing topic of most akward moments of my life and turn it into a poignant, meaningful essay. The guidance and embarrassing stories of other people here helped me push past my fears and create something truly special..

So lovely i like the way and idea it makes sense to me and I will send it to my friends

PERFECT ESSAY THANK YOU SO MUCH

MUKASA PAUL

The same also happened to me and it was my sister's birthday, 22nd March and I also thought it was the 23rd, I'm glad I might be able to write mine too, a good start and finish

Feeling embarrassed sometime makes one to learn

Feeling embarrassed, something times make's one to learn

James Melody

my whole elementary school was a never ending embarrassment, jeez i was such an awkward child

Feeling embarrassed is such a funny thing tbh. You cringe so much at first but then it's the best story at the party lol

This has to be one of the most humorous essays of this genre I've come across. I also enjoyed how descriptive it was; it really accentuated the mental picture the writer was trying to paint for the reader. I find stories like this funny and intriguing. Essays that have to do with the embarrassing incident, like this one, can be one hell of a good read. My favorite part has to be the conclusion where the whole class burst out laughing.

I can easily relate to being embarrassed on several occasions. Perhaps, that's what growing up is all about. I didn't know that writing about such moments ever led to creative ideas. As a student, I always feel that college is the best place to enjoy life. Still, the same place is home to many embarrassing experiences. After reading this blog, I understood why teachers emphasize essays about personal episodes. In my life, I have always written a narrative of such moments in a personal diary or as instructed by my English teacher.bIt's great to know these tips. I believe they will help me accept my shortcomings deeply.

Writing is always such a struggle in high school, even on such a creative topic like this one. The information was really helpful. Thank you so much.

If I didn't come around this article, I would spend my whole spring break fruitlessly trying to write even a draft. I've had enough awkward moments in my life, and I will never forget how once I fell through the ice during Christmas vacation. Now I know exactly how to start and finish my story. So perfect, thank you.

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50+ Embarrassing Stories / Moments That Will Make You Cringe With Vicarious Shame

Embarrassing Moments. There’s no escaping them. But at least you’re not alone in racking up those mortifying memories. Embarrassing stories are just another part of life! As proof, read on…

20 Embarrassing Stories About The Moments We Never Want To Happen

Embarrassing stories are a given part of existence. They’re going to happen to you and me and everyone else now and again. We live each day knowing that they’re possible. And yet, the inevitability of an embarrassing moment here and there does nothing to offset the icky shameful feelings it can induce. Join me in a collective Ahhhhh!!!!! as you call to mind your most embarrassing moment. Now indulge in a bit of schadenfreude as you read the below embarrassing stories from other people’s lives.

1. Swiping, waiting and having your debit card come up declined is one of the most stomach churning moments you’ll ever experience. When this happens it’s a lose-lose scenario because if you don’t have the money in the bank, you’re now exposed – and even if it’s your account that’s malfunctioning, defending yourself and appearing bamboozled will still be greeted by funny, judgmental looks.

2. Pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa. It enrages me that I have a 50/50 shot, yet I consistently guess wrong.

3. Slipping and falling in rain. I don’t have an official statistic, but this has to occur like, 94% of the time at store entryways. Seriously, next time it rains, kick your feet up and enjoy the show because at least one person will take a tumble. I’ve done it myself, take a step, slip, suddenly you’re staring at the sky for a moment, then splat — you greet the pavement.

4. Being out and unexpectedly having your flip-flop/sandal break. This is probably karma for laughing at the folks who stumbled in the rain, so just deal with it. Besides, it’s nothing a little super glue, or a lot of Elmer’s can’t solve.

5. Making awkward eye contact with someone as they enter a foul-smelling bathroom, because you know they think you’re responsible, whether you really are or not.

6. Silent room stomach growls. You know how your stomach is. It always waits until the quiet part of the movie, the silence at the table or any moment of stillness to let its rumbling roar be heard at an opportune time.

7. When someone else’s actions are beyond ridiculous but they don’t have the social awareness to sense that they should be embarrassed, so you have to feel humiliated for them.

8. Going to the wrong classroom and sitting there for a lengthy period of time before realizing that the topics of discussion don’t fit and now you’ll look like a bad-mannered student, exiting class just as it began.

9. Accidentally mentioning something to someone that was never actually told to you, but was discovered via your lurking social networks.

10. Confusing a person for something they aren’t. E.g. thinking that someone’s wife is their daughter, or mistaking a beer belly for pregnancy.

11. Falling on a treadmill. If this hasn’t happened to you, feel blessed. Not only is this terrifying, but it’s equally painful on your body and ego. One second you’re running, the next you look down and you’re further back then anticipated. The machine’s speed is too fast for your steps and suddenly you’re slammed against a hot, moving conveyor belt that swoops you off of it like a humiliating ride on Aladdin’s magic carpet mixed with a mechanical bull.

12. Locking yourself out of your car because not only is it embarrassing, it’s a ginormous hassle that we’d rather not deal with. And neither would the unlucky holder of your spare key.

13. Playing DJ and having your iPod land on one of many humiliating, guilty pleasure songs that occupy your gigabytes.

14. Talking to yourself on the road and realizing that the people in the car next to you are staring, terrified of and amused by the nutcase next to them. (A good save is to make your phone visible and pretend to be utilizing speakerphone.)

15. Being scared by ninja runners. When you’re on a peaceful jog and the music blaring through your headphones sucks you into your own little world, you completely forget about your surroundings. So when a ninja runner sneaks up on you and you catch a glimpse of them in your peripherals at the very last second, our natural reaction is to jump in fear – maybe even strike a karate-esque pose. We’ll feel humiliated when we discover that we’re not actually being attacked, and the alleged killer continues running past us. However it is a relief to know that our reaction speed isn’t too shabby.

16. Eye boogers, nose boogers, food in the teeth, stains on clothes – any type of visually off-putting monstrosity that you unknowingly wore all day. Especially terrible after a long day of coming face to face with a lot of people who you just know saw it up close and personal.

17. The unique ringtones set for special people in our lives going off in quiet settings never fails to warrant some shame. From the confines of my own home, I love having “Me So Horny” blare when you call. But in the library? Not so much.

18. Doing something odd when you’re all alone, then thinking “what if” you’re currently being recorded? It’s even more embarrassing when you realize that you seriously considered the possibility that a camera was taping your solo shenanigans.

19. Spilling your alcoholic beverage whether in a bar or at a friend’s home. Either way people are going to cry “party foul,” and make a spectacle of your clumsiness.

20. Accidentally “liking” a Facebook status or double tapping an Instagram image. The moment directly after doing so feels capable of inducing a heart attack. I’ve reconsidered mobile social networking because that’s typically when it happens. We just want to undo what we’ve done hastily, without anyone actually noticing.

24 People On Reddit Reveal Their Most Embarrassing Public Moments (But 100% Funny To Us)

It’s one thing to do something embarrassing in private and quite another to do it in public. The embarrassment factor embedded in a public incident automatically triples. Just read these embarrassing stories and live through the cringeworthy pain vicariously. Dare you…

1.  “When I was pregnant I went to the mall and got a horrible case of morning sickness. It hit really suddenly so I stopped at one of those kiosks in the walkway and threw up in their trashcan. As I was throwing up, my child decided to kick me in the bladder, making me piss myself.

That was a fun day.”

– Anonymous

2.  “When I was like 7 I sneezed in church and it made me fart at the same time. It was during a silent prayer part and  EVERYONE  in the damn church started laughing. At the ripe old age of 18, I am still scarred.”

–  julieconnole

3.  “I had just got my first job, and wanted to eat there with a friend. We walked a mile and a half, and both ate this breaded hot dog covered in melted cheese monstrosity before heading back home. Almost back home and my friend is urging me to walk faster because he’s going to shit himself and out of nowhere I start barfing. It’s a busy intersection, and I’m compelled to keep pace with my friend, who’s moving faster and faster towards my house. I threw up 5 times in under a minute at a mild jog with people gasping in their cars as they watch me. He’s grabbing his ass as he runs, I’m 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere. It would have been weird to see.”

4.  “Once my friend tried to do a blue angel, he put the lighter to his ass and farted…. He then violently sharted himself in front of 7 people. We still make fun of him.”

–  Anigavanator

5.  “I was 7 months pregnant with my first. And my boyfriend (now husband) and I go to the Olive Garden (nothing like bread sticks) for dinner. So I stuff myself with food and we leave.

We get about 15 minutes from home and I turn to my boyfriend and I am like “I really have to go to the bathroom.” Meanwhile, I have this kid kicking me in every organ inside my body including my bowels and bladder (being pregnant is great). My boyfriend is like, “Okay let’s take the scenic route.” I look at him like I am going to cut him and tell him to get home. This fucker takes the long way home and is laughing like it is funny that I am about to shit myself.

When we get home, I get out of the car into a standing position and it happens. With one swift kick from the inside, I lose my shit. As I waddle up the stairs crying, my boyfriend is asking what is wrong. So I do the only thing that a loving pregnant girlfriend would do. I drop my underwear full of shit on the balcony (I was wearing a dress).

The look of horror on his face was worth it. He learned a lesson that day :) Shit happens.”

–  AEIOUandsometimesW

6.  “I shat myself one cold winter’s evening, on my way to a nightclub. My best mate and I were walking down to the club, which is about a mile-and-a-half away from where we lived. It was a pretty cold and frosty evening, as we got close I figured there’d be a bit of a queue and it’d be worthwhile nipping into a dark corner and having a piss.

I duck into an alleyway and start to piss. Out of nowhere and with no warning I just eject a stream of hot liquid shit all down the back of my legs. I was wearing beige/khaki combats, and I’m fairly sure I was steaming gently.

There’s basically fuck all I can do now. I am as far from my house as I was going to get that evening. I just walk out, tell my mate I’ve got to go home, and proceed to waddle the 1.5 miles home trying to stay far enough away from people that they won’t notice the brown streak/smell/steam.

I actually ended up getting home, cleaning myself up and having a bath, got changed and went back out but I couldn’t really salvage the evening.”

–  Fenris78

7.  “I was about 7 months pregnant, it was December 23 (freezing), and I was waiting for the last inter-city bus of the day from the city to the suburbs so that I could spend Christmas with my family. While waiting, I had a random craving for Cheetos, which I decided to indulge.

And then very suddenly, it hit me. I hadn’t experienced any kind of pregnancy-related nausea for months, but there it was. I had to throw up. I was at a major bus terminal, but there was no bathroom that I’d make it to in time and the garbage cans were all the kind where you put the trash through the little flap on the side.

I spewed fluorescent orange Cheeto-nastiness into a sewer grate (mostly), and got yelled at by a bus driver who accused me of being a drunk teenager (I was 20) and tried to stop me from getting on his bus five minutes later, even though I was fine. He kept telling me, “You’re drunk. I don’t want you on my bus.” F-you, buddy. Even through my winter coat, it should have been obvious that I was pregnant.”

8.  “I used to drive a school bus, and more than once I had close calls with #2. You don’t realize how few places allow the public to rush in and take a dump. And how few of those have parking lots big enough to easily accommodate a school bus. Best option: grocery stores.

There was one time I didn’t make it, and knew I wasn’t going to, because I still had a few kids left to drop off. After dropping off the last one, I pulled down a mostly quiet side street, grabbed a ziploc bag, and did the best I could. Squatting in the aisle. Not my proudest moment.”

9.  “Well. I’m a 26 year old girl, and I shit in a McDonalds bag in the backseat of a rented Jeep in Maui. It was because my Mom was having a massage at this calm, quiet private retreat and I knew that whatever was coming out of me was not going to smell good so I didn’t want to go inside the main hut and use the bathroom, only to sit there in shame for the next hour.

After I was done, I panicked because I hadn’t had the foresight to decide what I would do with the bag afterwards. I wrapped it in a plastic bag and hid it in the back of the Jeep and threw it out once we got into town again. I had an appointment with a Psychic at the retreat right after that. I was scared the entire time that she knew. …She probably knew.”

–  shit_o_clock

10.  “I ate something that must have been unholy and evil. I began questioning it’s sanctity as I was walking my dog. About a mile in, I start getting cramps. Uh oh. Heeding the signs of impending doom, I turn around with the quickness.

Get within 100 yards of the house, and I am contemplating running between a couple of houses and just letting go. With the pressure I feel in my lower abdomen that it will be a very quick affair. Sunday morning. 10 am. Nope.

50 yards away, huge cramp and an urgent need to purge. I freeze in fear. I rethink the side yard decision. My cold sweat passes. Barely decide to carry on. Get in my own front yard and my anus gives up. In a last ditch effort, I squeeze my cheeks together in the tightest clench I possibly can. OMG. It works.

I walk to my door. The only way I can describe it is that I look like I have the biggest stick up my butt. My knees are locked as I walk. My back is super straight. My dog is wtfing.

I make it into the house and into the bathroom. Pull down the pants. Sigh in relief that I’ve made it… except that I realize that my cheek squeezing action is literally what is keeping it inside. I start to the squat descent, and feel leakage. I stand up quickly and reclench. Shit.

Due to how I am forced to stand, and the pressure of my stomach cramps, I know that I am going to have a poop eruption. I mentally prepare myself for the quick actions I have to perform to hit my target, how to properly aim, etc. I run through it about 4 times in my head and decide to go for it.

Poop everywhere. I sprayed the seat and the wall and left a rudimentary silhouette of the toilet on the wall.

Thankfully it was in private and I cleaned it up without any of my friends or SO finding out.”

11.  “I was about 10 or 11, my friend’s dad had just passed away from a sudden heart attack and I was at his wake in a church with about 300 other people. Respectfully, I had been holding in my gas until I could get outside. Then came the moment of silent remembrance and I could no longer control my anus. My trying to hold back only ended up making it worse, and in that silent church, in front of all those grieving family members and friends, I expelled the loudest fart mankind has ever known. The wooden pew exponentially amplified the ungodly noise, and the worst part is that I could not help but laugh out of sheer terror and embarrassment. I literally ended up laughing and crying and farting more as I ran out of the building. Sorry Trevor’s dad.”

–  inthemidnighthour

12.  “Today, I overslept, waking up in a rush, dressed and ran out to catch the bus. Entering the bus I felt a weird cold feeling in my stomach. When to bus entered the station, I need to take a crap so hard, I am sweating like a pig. I ran into a cafe to ask for a toilet. The owners directed me to a public toilet in the square. When I had 5 meters left to go, the pain was so horrific, my body gave up, and boom…went the dynamite. I half-crapped my pants opening the door to the toilet and guess what…it was a urinal. I leaned against it and let my body breathe. It was the biggest crap I have taken in my life. It looked like a cow had been there when I was finished. Then I went out to find a McDonalds and took my undies off, threw it in the trash, wiped, called in sick at work and took a cab home.

I am 22-years-old and I can’t even remember soiling myself as a kid.”

–  Slackerd4

13.  “I had a miscarriage and, usually, a woman should not expect her next period for at least six weeks afterward. So 3.5 weeks after the miscarriage, getting my period was the last thing on my mind.

Anyway, my husband took me to a cycling store to look at some nice bikes since we are planning on getting back into cycling this summer. After talking to the sales rep, he offers to size me on a Madone 3.1. Why the hell not? I haven’t been on a bike in a long time so what’s the harm in getting to ride a beautiful piece of bike engineering?

So we do the sizing, which takes about 30 minutes, and though I agree with him that it feels wonderful, I insist that I cannot afford a $3,000 bike on a PhD student’s salary. So I swing off the bike to go collect my husband.

My blood freezes, I go pale and wobbly. My stomach starts to crawl up my throat. There on the white saddle of a Trek Madone 3.1 is a fresh red-brown smudge. Did he see?? Is he going to make me clean it? Should I offer to clean it? Can we afford to replace the seat?? I looked back at the sales rep – he doesn’t seem to look uncomfortable so perhaps he hasn’t noticed. While pointing over at a beautiful Cervelo, I furiously try to wipe the seat clean with my sleeve. Heh, it’s the least I can do.

As the sales rep goes over to the Cervelo, I grab my husband by the arm, inform him that we are leaving the store immediately and that we can never go back.”

–  HypatiaofEdmonton

14.  “This one time I had to shit so bad that my balls were hurting from having to clench my buttcheeks so hard. I was in the mall and couldn’t remember where the bathrooms were so I went from one end to the other trying to find somewhere to shit. I finally find one right as the turd is poking out and as soon as I pull down my pants, it rockets out (solid turd) and sits on the edge of the seat like a soggy cigar dangling its feet on the beaches of shitville’s coast. I didn’t know what to do so I just wiped, ran out and hoped the janitor wasn’t too angry.”

15.  “I gave an impromptu speech to my two best friends at their graduation party in front of about fifty people. I stood up and started speaking but stopped when my cheeks starting SPAZZING out, I mean violently shaking up and down to the point where people who weren’t even that close could see. It made my nerves even worse and I kept saying EMBARRASSING things like, “Oh my god why are my cheeks shaking,” as people laughed around me. I couldn’t even really continue because they were spazzing so hard I couldn’t talk. My friends dad walked up to me and jokingly started massaging my cheeks, took the mic from me, and told me to finish sitting down, which I somehow managed to do.

Pretty much ruined my already very nonexistent self-confidence when it comes to public speaking.”

–  deathlyharry

16. “ Christmas Day, two years ago, all dressed up, ready to go out with my family to a nice restaurant for an early dinner. My stomach is upset from overindulging on eggnog the night before, but I’m doing okay. I’m the first one out the door and the step is icy, I slip on the stairs, and onto the snowy lawn, having shat myself. My skirt has offered no protection and there is a shit splatter over the pristine snow. My family is laughing at me. I get up, go back inside, take a shower and get in my pajamas.

I didn’t need Christmas anyway.”

17.  “Bluetooth headphones connected to my iphone on. I’m listening to music.

My iPad in my Timbuk2 bag begins blaring hardcore porn starring Sasha grey and 50 guys.

I don’t hear it until I am off the QUIET bus, a 40 minute ride….. and a 55 minute mp3. The mp3 was nearly over playing in its LOUD entirety the whole way.

18.  “I think the Waffle House Incident was my most humbling experience of years past.

I had spent a long night drinking more booze than I thought was possible for a single human being to drink. A good, drunken time was had by all, and I happily barfed on the floor before being dragged to my hotel room and tossed in to bed by concerned partygoers at 4 in the morning. My morning wake up call came at about 10am and I was told that we would be heading to Waffle House post haste, and to prepare myself for cheap breakfast food. Yummy.

I showered, dressed and went downstairs and joined my group to go to Waffle House, where I ordered up a big, greasy hangover curing meal when the urge to urinate hit me. No problem! I got up and walked, still half-drunk, to the lockable, single-person-at-a-time bathroom, entered it and began to do my business. I had been saving up what I thought was a fart and let it fly in the comfortable privacy of the Waffle House bathroom.

Big mistake.

What I thought was a methane deposit that could power a small city for a week turned out to be pure, vile liquid that rocketed out of my ass like a chunky geyser, which snaked its way down the backs of my legs and eventually reached my socks before I, dumbfounded, could think in any way about what just happened. Fuck. I just shit my pants at Waffle House while taking a leak.

Pants came off in a panic – nothing on them, miraculously, and so I placed them somewhere relatively safe and focused on the matter at hand. Nothing on the shoes, either, thanks to the buffer that the socks had created between them and the source of the brown jelly streaming down my legs. They came off. That left me with soiled boxers and socks. The boxers went right in to the trash can, never to be seen again, having died a heroic death in the process of saving my pants from soiling.

That’s when I noticed that there was no toilet paper in this little hellhole. Plan B: Wipe with paper towels. No paper towels, either? Well, this just got interesting. I looked down and grunted; my socks were still relatively clean where I hadn’t shat upon them, and were the only thing I could resort to without going out of that toilet shirtless. I used them, with great shame, to clean up the mess I had made upon myself and they joined my boxers in the grave.

Pants and shoes back on, no underwear or socks, I thought the battle was over. I didn’t smell bad to the best of my knowledge, but I felt in desperate need of a long shower. The best I could do in the toilet was wash my hands before departing and finish my breakfast. As one last, big “fuck you” to my sense of well-being, it turned out that there was no soap in this bathroom, either, and I briefly wondered how the employees cleaned up after touching their dicks. I used the hottest water I could stand and scrubbed for a few minutes without soap before returning to my seat, my friends none the wiser.

Needless to say, I did not eat any more of my food.”

19.  “This is a true story, one my kids love to retell to embarrass me. It is also a multi-bathroom tale of woe.

One afternoon at lunch I went to hang out with my then wife where she worked at a convenience store. Being lunchtime, I decided to grab some nachos. I got the plate of chips and smothered them in cheese and then topped them off with a layer of jalapenos. I started to eat the nachos, one chip at a time, with a gob of cheese and one slice of jalapeno for each chip. For some reason, I couldn’t get enough, they tasted so amazing! I had more chips than jalapenos, and quickly ran out. I went back to the condiment bar and loaded up more jalapenos, so that I could continue my one jalapeno per chip regiment. I finished the nachos and all in all, I would say that I probably consumed six to seven complete jalapenos by the time I was done.

Day goes on, kids get out of school, wife gets off work, and off we go to dinner at the all you can eat Chinese food place that had become our once a month custom. About halfway through dinner, my stomach started making a few little gurgling sounds. I brushed it off and continued my dinner. As we were about to leave, I suddenly felt my stomach knot up and it nearly took me to my knees. I told the wife and kids to give me a minute as I headed to the bathroom. Now the fun begins. I get into the bathroom and BARELY get my pants down in time to EXPLODE into the toilet. It was not for the faint of heart. The red hot liquid fire that was shooting out of me like a flamethrower nearly brought me to tears. I finished up (so I thought), and headed out, grabbed the family, got in the minivan (Ford Windstar) and we headed home. Two blocks away from the Chinese restaurant and I realize that 1) I’m not done, and 2) I’m NEVER going to make it home.

I squeeze my buttcheeks and hold on for dear life as I drive onward. A few blocks up and I see my salvation, a Burger King restaurant. I pull in, slam the brakes, jump out, and buttcheek-clench waddle as fast as humanly possible to the bathroom. I’d like to say at this point that I got my pants all the way down and got all the way seated on the toilet before I started shooting liquid hot magma out of my butt, but alas, I cannot. I essentially sprayed the toilet and the wall behind it with a coating of Satan’s jelly. I nearly ran them out of toilet paper cleaning up after myself and once again into the fray I went.

Back out in the van, the wife and kids are chuckling at my predicament, as they realize that I’m suffering pretty badly. I get back behind the wheel, exhausted, with my butt on absolute fire, and begin the trek home. As you may have guessed, I was still not done expelling whatever demons were in my bowels, and it only took a few more blocks before I was driving with my legs locked tight, working with all my might to clench my buttcheeks. I was locked so tight that the only thing that was touching the seat was the back of my legs on the bottom of the seat and my shoulder blades on the top of the seat. By now, my family is ROARING in laughter, and the louder I screamed “IT’S NOT FUNNY!”, the harder and harder they laughed. I was in excruciating pain, but for some reason, I convinced myself I could make it home. Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men. A few blocks from the house I could hold on no more, and little squirts of molten lava started seeping out of me. I get home, slam the van in park, jump out, shitting a little when I hit the ground, and start running into the house, shitting a little with each step. I get into the house, get to the bathroom, put my back to the toilet, rip my pants down and proceed to give the toilet and the wall behind it a nice new coating of what can only be described in the physical realm as “pure evil.” As I sat there trembling and crying in pain, my kids were outside the bathroom yelling “Are you all right dad?”…”Need us to come in and help you dad?”…yes, they are spawns of Satan himself.

At the time, I did not see ANY humor in it, but now, reflecting back, I suppose I would be laughing as well, it must have been hilarious to see the look of pure terror on my face, see the sweat running down my forehead, and most of all, the buttclench run/walk from the van to the Burger King and the van to the house. Anyway, I destroyed three bathrooms and any respect my kids may have ever had for me in one evening.”

20.  “I asked a girl from school out once. We had taken the train into the city and were hanging out with friends in a park. Felt a huge fart brewing, so, being on my best behaviour, I unobtrusively moved away from the group to let it rip. Did that bit where you clench your teeth and screw your eyes up as you get ready to let loose something major, and away I went. Except I was horrified to hear no sound at all, and instead just felt buckets of wet warmth inside my jeans.

After a few panic-stricken seconds frozen to the spot, during which I had time to stress to myself very forcefully that this was an extremely bad situation, I snuck off to the toilets. Used rolls and rolls of toilet paper trying to clean up but there was absolutely no salvaging the situation.

Went back to the group in a somewhat chastened mood, and announced, while keeping my distance, that I wasn’t feeling good and would get the train home. Now, just at the point where I thought it would be impossible for the day to get any worse, the girl I had asked out got up and said she was tired too, and that she would be coming back on the train with me. It was 50 minute trip in a crowded carriage.”

21.  “I went to Catholic mass with my grandma and mom the morning after a night of heavy drinking. I was feeling nauseated during the service, but it wasn’t until the last few minutes I knew I was going to vomit. There were no bathrooms in the building so I had to go outside and vomit right outside the church. People were arriving for the next mass, watching me throw up in the grass. Made my grandma and mom really proud that day.”

–  fruit_smile

22.  “I once took a class trip to Germany in the summer after freshman year. We shared hote rooms four or five to a room, and I was never able to shit without other people being able to hear it. So I decided to just not shit.

For two weeks. Finally one day, I knew I was going to burst. I decided to go to dinner with two people I hated so I wouldn’t feel bad, then ate my food as fast as possible, tossed some money on the table, and walked out. It was still about half a mile to the hotel, and by the time I was about half way there I knew I couldn’t hold it. I tried the best I could, and actually held out most of the way. Finally, when I could actually see the hotel, i gave out. I stopped, and tried to collect myself, but it was too late. I Couldn’t walk any more. I waited until I was alone, then gave a massive shart.

It lasted at least five seconds and was very wet. To my horror, when I turned around, there was a single, ridiculously hot German girl looking at me. She just stood there with a look of disgust and contempt on her face like I’ve never seen. Needless to say I ran back to the hotel.”

–  Roeghmann

23.  “In grade school I really needed to go pee. I waited too long and pissed myself right before I got to the stall. But I was clever. And my fellow students were dumb. It was a rainy day. I decided to play it off as me having fallen into a puddle of water. I spent the rest of the day in piss soaked pants and nobody knew because we were all smelly kids anyways.”

24.  “I had just started a new job and was sent to NYC to meet with some of our important clients. We took them out to a certain michelin 3 star for dinner. Everything was going well, we ate well, we drank well and when we wrapped up, we all piled into a cab to head back to our hotel.

As we snaked our way through NYC traffic in a cab, I could feel a rumble in the jungle, a hot pain in my gut, I started to sweat. I clenched, oh god did I clench. The worst part- I was in the middle seat. We were only about 4 blocks from our hotel and I just let out a yell. “STOP!” The cab driver slams on the brakes and I jump over my female coworker – how I avoided shitting my pants by doing this, I have no idea. I then ran down the street to the first open door I could find. Inside there were a bunch of dudes renovating a restaurant.

I asked if I could use the men’s room, this one guy started to say “no” but then his face kinda just went neutral as he saw the desperation in my eyes. He said GO! and I ran into the men’s room and released the most VIOLENT shit of my life.

That was not a banner day for me and ever since then I have been horrifically afraid of shitting my pants.”

25 People On Reddit Talk About An Inappropriate Moment They’re Too Embarrassed To Tell Even To Their Friends

We all have plenty of embarrassing stories. Some you probably haven’t even told anyone because you just can’t relive the whole thing again (although you do in your head anyway). It’s easy to empathize with the people below for what they’ve gone through (perhaps especially the menstruation-related events).

1.  “So there I am. Sitting at my computer, sipping some red wine and browsing the internets. What time is it? Oh, time for porn. That’s right.

Well, I get going and, as is typical, only realize at the last moment that I have no vessel to capture my seed. Glancing around, I see my wine glass sitting there with just a little sip of wine left in it. Perfect! Ready, aim… He shoots, he scores! One in a million shot, kid. One in a million.

OK. Back to the internet. Hum de dum…. HOLY MOTHER OF ZEUS. The jizz has mixed with the wine and turned straight up green. Like, we’re not talking a purple color with a tint of green. GREEN. That was weird. Try it sometime.”

— greenjizz

2. “ One time when I lived alone, I was sitting on the couch naked watching TV. I was on my period at the time, so I had a tampon in. I farted and the string jumped. I laughed so hard, then I was sad because I couldn’t tell anyone ever.”

— Froggy_hop

3.  “I don’t wear tampons — I had fallen asleep with my pad on and when I woke up, I could feel all that blood pooled up, so I tried to make it to the bathroom, waddling to try and keep everything from releasing at once. One foot from the door, I sneezed.

All that blood came out full-force, my pad couldn’t catch it. My pajama pants were coated in blood, the floor was splattered, and some bounced off the floor onto the wall. It was like a grenade had gone off in my vagina.

It was five AM, so I managed to clean everything up before anyone in my house woke up, but it was one of the worst feelings.”

— TheFaithie

4. “I watched porn like most kids and I would see the men ejaculating, so I was like “I bet if I jerk for long enough and hard enough I’ll also produce milk!” Yes, I thought I could make milk, so I jerked as hard and as fast and I could with a glass in my hand and came into the glass. Being proud of myself I mixed it with regular milk and drank it. I did this a few times before I had sex ed, where I realized I was drinking my own sperm.”

— The_Patriot_Act

5. “When I was a college student commuting from home, I was on our computer and looking at… shall we say not-typical-vanilla porn and masturbating furiously, my little brother walked in on me. He looked at the computer, looked at me, just shook his head and said: “It’s always the quiet ones,” and then walked away. Broke me up laughing.”

6.  “A few days ago I tried the Instead Softcup for giggles (you insert it and it catches your menstrual blood). It was going just fine… until I tried to take it out. There’s no string, you just push like you’re trying to poop and reach up inside (your vagina) and slide it forward with your finger. Simple enough, right?

My cervix had the death grip on that tiny cup of blood. I tried so hard to pull it out but it simply wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t get a grip. My wrist ached, my lady flower felt bruised after AN HOUR of trying to dislodge that sucker.

–Suddenly– I spotted a plastic coat hanger on the bathroom floor. I washed it with soap and water in the sink to prepare it for a clean extraction. I climbed into the bath tub with the clean hanger and sobbed uncontrollably (hormones and general panic) clutching the hanger against my chest. Thankfully, I didn’t have to use the hanger, I was able to pull the little chalice of utero givings out by the grace of the lady muscles contracted by heaving sobs. I sloshed the contents of the cup everywhere and then laughed until I couldn’t breathe.”

— HERO-SQUAD

7. “I currently have poison oak all over my genitals ( had too pee on a hike, must have transferred the oil during aiming). I became aroused when applying my ointment, and popped all of my blisters with the erection”

—  [deleted]

8.  “When I was 18 (1999), the FBI’s child exploitation unit pulled me out of classes and interrogated my entire family on the charges of my  illegal/black-market selling of twenty four Japanese children  for slave labor on eBay. At the time, my friends all knew, but today I try to keep that one hidden at all times.”

9.  “I dildo-fucked a hooker on stage in Amsterdam in 2000 using a forehead strap-on, in front of about 95% of the people from my tour bus. High as balls.”

10.  “I one time sang every part of the entire Les Miserables original broadway cast. It was this one time in my car every day. Please don’t tell my friends. I’m a fairly cool 31 year old man.”

— Mormon_Buddhist

11.  “My mom got home as I was in the middle of a furious fap session. I heard the garage door, went to quit internet explorer (this was a while ago) and the little shit just froze with boobs all over the place. I quickly tried to restart the computer, but that didn’t work (WTF?). I finally unplugged the power strip as my mom opened the door.

There I am, in boxers, with the power strip in my hand and the computer is off. The first words out of my mouth were, “I don’t know, weird huh?”

— HerpMasterDerp

12. “Well, I’m a 17-year-old. Last week, my friend and I wanted some booze. One of our Spanish teachers was at the bar and we asked her if she would buy some for us. She was super drunk and told my friend that she wanted to fuck him, but he pushed her away and said no. Now, there’s a slow rumor going around that my friend and I double-teamed the Spanish teacher.”

—  myothergraveisaporch

13.  “I once woke up in the middle of the night masturbating. Apparently, this is common for some guys to get so aroused they just start while they’re asleep (whether it’s sex or masturbation). Long-story-short, I fucked a container of chocolate pudding.”

14.  “Not too long ago actually I had to collect a stool sample for a medical appointment. The doctor gave me really little bottles to collect the samples in. The problems was that I REALLY had to shit, so what was I to do? I then noticed that the sample bottles came with a medical paper towel.

…..I did the only thing I could think of. I laid the sheet of paper in front of the toilet, gripped the lid for dear life, squatted down, and did my business. That’s right, I shat on the floor. It felt so weird and terrible. It went against everything I’ve ever known to be civilized and true. I felt like an animal. I then had to stand up, turn around, and then push the limits of my sanity further. I had to get on all fours, like a dog, and use a plastic spoon to dissect my own shit and then store it in the little cups. I opened the door and left the bathroom with a feeling of total disgust. I feel like I lost a part of myself that night.

But now I think the whole situation is hilarious.”

— TheComebackKid

15.  “When I was younger I found a Hustler magazine laying on top of a trash can at a car wash while my mom was washing her car. The next day me and my brother ride our bikes to get it and find it where it is. We take it back and hide it in the woods and would show it to our friends (this is young enough that there was no fapping.) We had been leaving it in the elements so it was getting kind of gross, but one day I went to grab it. To get it into the house I put it in the front of my pants and tightened my belt. I felt this horrible burning while running home on my crotch area but the urge to see naked ladies and my fear of getting caught kept me from showing the insane pain I was starting to feel as I ran in and saw my mom. I ran into the bathroom and pulled the magazine out and realized what was going on. Fire Ants had built a nest and now a whole colony was attacking my dick, balls and whole general area. I jumped in the bath ( we didn’t even have a shower) and started washing them off, though they wouldn’t budge and the water seemed to make them bite harder. It was miserable. Still to this day have no clue how I kept my cool in front of my family. It was then I realized what I would go through to see a naked lady.”

— lurkmanship

16.  “I keep having this weird recurring dream.

Now these dreams differ on time and place but one thing always happens; I pull batteries out of my vagina. And I mean like normal AA batteries. I’ll just be like, Oh! That needs batteries, hold on I have some with me and I squat and reach my hand right up there. The first dream it happened I woke up laughing. The second I was like ….ummm well this is weird. And now I’m just ಠ_ಠ.

I want to tell someone about it but I don’t want them to see me as the girl version of the fetish version Duracell Bunny. I tried looking it up online to see the symbolism but I’m (not surprisingly) finding zip. I have no desire to stick batteries up there so I don’t know why I keep dreaming about it.

Well now that I’ve talked about it I won’t ever dream about it.”

— xfallxoutxgurlx

17.  “So I was hunting when I was younger… I’m not a huge hunter and would get extremely bored sitting in a tree for hours on end by myself. This year though, I had my brand new iPod video.. which I had loaded with porn videos. So I’m in the tree stand and I decide to start watching some porn. JUST WATCH though… I’m NOT going to jerk off. ….so I start jerkin off after a few minutes but I’m totally gonna just jerk off for a little bit… I’m not gonna splooge the sticky. Well, one thing led to another and I… well I guess you could say it wasn’t gun that was shooting… I was then sitting there in a tree, freezing, iPod in lap with dick in one had while my other hand caressed a puddle of my jizz. I panicked. I didn’t want to jizz because my dad and others have always told me that deer can smell fucking EVERYTHING and that they could smell it from miles away… I was about to ruin hunting for everyone… no deer would come near us if my dick sauce was smeared all over a tree. So I did whatever I needed to ensure a good weekend of hunting for my fellow hunters… I ate my jizz. Every last drop. Because I was a hero. Even if nobody knew.”

—  russbaker37

18.  “I decided to stop by Taco Bell on my way home from picking up the Burning Crusade expansion the night it came out. Hours after finishing my Baja Blast I had to take a leak. Being the lazy fuck that I am, I figured the empty cup would be perfect. Of course, this backfired about an hour later when I, out of habit, reached for my cup and took a big swig of piss. I don’t know how Bear Grylls does it.”

—  thumbs_up4_rocknroll

19. “When I was a kid I had this old Sears catalog under my train set in the basement and I used to take it out after school and kiss all the girls in the women’s intimates section.

My favorite with Carla. She liked me back I could totally tell. But then the fall catalog came out and I saw she cut her hair, it did nothing for her so I had to change my favorite to Rita, at least she knew how to work it.”

—  Jaysenka

20.  “Fell asleep playing minecraft on a laptop in bed, got a 2nd Degree burn on both my arms from the air vent…”

— DontMakeMeDoIt

21.  “Mine needs some slight back story to understand. I grew up after the age of 11 with my aunt, uncle and their children. For some reason, my cousins alllllways wanted to blame me for the slightest fart smell ever even though I never did it in front of people. Seriously, I never ever fart in front of people and haven’t since I was a kid. And I told them this.

Fast forward to when I was 20. I was visiting home and my boyfriend had just showed up. We hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks so, even though we couldn’t have sex because it was the middle of the day and everybody was up, we got…handsy…with each other.

When we were done, I needed to go ask my aunt something so I went to her room and sat down on her bed. Her daughter came in and we all talked for a second. Then I had to go so I stood up…and let out the loudest queef I’ve ever given. The room gets silent for a moment.

My cousin says, “OMGOMG Did you just fart?!?!”

Me: NO!….Yes.

Then my cousin proceeded to tell the whole family that she finally heard me fart for the first time ever.”

— TheBirdAbides

22.  “When I was a kid I was visiting my male cousins (I am a girl). Everyone was outside playing but I went inside to pee and I saw what I thought was a mask sitting on the bathroom floor. I went outside with the “mask” on my face being silly and dancing around saying something about Star Wars and I noticed the parents had a horrified look on their faces and the boys were just laughing their asses off but wouldn’t tell me why. My aunt came over and took the “mask” off my face and told me it wasn’t a toy. I just realized the other day it was a cup. For a penis. That kind of cup. Why, why me? And now I am too embarassed that I didn’t realize it until I was 24 so I can’t tell anyone.”

— lookatmyrangsmyrangs

23 . “I don’t need a throw away for this. This is a story that ACTUALLY happened to me.

I had these friends who were somewhat destructive. Imagine living with the cast of Jackass, that’s essentially what you’re looking at. Anyways, so apparently one of them thought it would be funny to shit in my peanut butter, seal it, and just leave it to be found another day. I stumbled upon said shit in the peanut butter while trying to make a sandwich, probably DAYS after the initial dump took place. Before I busted the lid there was no hint of bad smell, but after a small twist it was as if I’d unleashed the Pandora’s box of shitty smell. An old curled up turd isn’t exactly something I was looking for in my peanut butter.

To THIS DAY, 3 years later, none of them will admit to it. Even away from me, none of them fess up. It’s a mystery to everyone to this very day. Still can’t tell the story without cringing.”

24. “One time I was sick in college so I decided the best thing to do was drink tons of echinacea tea. i must have head 8 or 9 cups of it. i was sitting on the couch watching TV waiting to head to class when i farted and liquid shot out of my ass into my shorts.

i freaked out and cleaned it up, changed shorts and underwear, then realized i should read the tea packaging. it warned not to drink any more than 3 cups a day. i started laughing hysterically and wanted to tell my friends but realized pooping on the couch wasn’t a good discussion topic.”

—  doot_doot

25.  “I like Maroon 5.”

— escapist87

About the author

Sylvie Quinn

I am a naughty forest nymph.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Personal Experience — My Most Embarrassing Moment

My Most Embarrassing Moment

• Categories: Personal Experience Short Story

About this sample

Words: 462 |

Published: May 19, 2020

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Words: 462 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Works Cited

• DeMello, M. (2017). Embarrassment. In Encyclopedia of Human Behavior (2nd ed., Vol. 2, pp. 308-311). Elsevier. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-805302-3.10761-3
• Goffman, E. (1967). Interaction ritual: Essays on face-to-face behavior. Anchor Books.
• Jaffe, J., & Hyde, J. S. (2000). Gender differences in moral orientation: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 126(5), 703-726.
• Keltner, D., & Anderson, C. (2000). Saving face for Darwin: The functions and uses of embarrassment. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 9(6), 187-192. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00096
• Kleinke, C. L., Meeker, F. B., & Gwynn, M. (1996). The effects of embarrassment and guilt on eyewitness testimony. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 11(4), 35-50.
• Lewis, M. (2003). Self-conscious emotions: Embarrassment, pride, shame, and guilt. In M. Lewis & J. M. Haviland-Jones (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (2nd ed., pp. 623-636). The Guilford Press.
• Price, J. (2016). Embarrassment and social anxiety. In P. G. Overton & E. R. D. Scherer (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Emotion, Social Cognition, and Problem Solving in Adulthood (pp. 240-252). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199899462.013.20
• Sabini, J., & Silver, M. (2005). What is embarrassing about embarrassing disclosures?. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 17(2), 271-280.
• Schlenker, B. R. (1980). Impression management: The self-concept, social identity , and interpersonal relations. Brooks/Cole Pub. Co.
• Tracy, J. L., & Robins, R. W. (2006). Appraisal antecedents of shame and guilt: Support for a theoretical model. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32(10), 1339-1351.

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How To Show Annoyance In Writing? (13 Cranky Ways)

After spending over 20 years juggling words and weaving narratives, I’ve learned a thing or two about portraying emotions — especially annoyance.

Here’s a quick summary of how to show annoyance in writing:

Show annoyance in writing by using sardonic remarks, exasperated sighs, eye-rolling , short snippy dialogue, over-exaggeration, the cold shoulder, sarcastic compliance, and mocking tones. Each method adds depth and realism to the characters’ emotions.

But there are subtle nuances that can make or break those techniques.

So, let’s explore all 13 methods, complete with examples to breathe life into your narrative.

13 Cranky Ways

Table of Contents

1. The Sardonic Remark

Sarcasm is a writer’s scalpel, carving out frustration with precision.

A character’s sardonic remark is more than just a snide comment. It’s a reflection of their resilience, intellect, or desperation.

It reveals how they use humor as a shield or weapon against what irks them.

And this makes for multidimensional storytelling.

• Example 1: “Oh, wonderful! Another meeting to discuss what we’ve discussed. My excitement knows no bounds.”
• Example 2: “Sure, because what this situation needs is your unsolicited advice. How ever did we survive without it?”

2. The Exasperated Sigh

An exasperated sigh is the breath of frustration made audible.

It conveys a range of emotions, from resigned acceptance to simmering anger, without a single word. This nonverbal cue adds a layer of realism to dialogue, grounding characters in the physicality of their emotions.

• Example 1: She let out a long, exasperated sigh, the kind that said, ‘Here we go again,’ without uttering a syllable.
• Example 2: His response was an exasperated sigh, loud enough to echo off the walls, a clear sign of his dwindling patience.

3. Eye Rolling

An eye roll is the quintessential gesture of annoyance, often employed in moments of disbelief or irritation.

It’s a silent retort that speaks volumes, offering writers a tool to show a character’s attitude towards the absurd or the annoying.

• Example 1: At the mention of another “groundbreaking” idea, his eyes rolled so hard, they threatened to orbit his brain.
• Example 2: Her eyes rolled skyward, a silent prayer for patience—or perhaps a plea for the ceiling to offer more interest than the conversation.

4. Short, Snippy Dialogue

Brevity becomes the soul of wit—and annoyance—in snippy dialogue.

Each clipped word is a dagger, each terse reply a barrier built of impatience.

This style of dialogue can accelerate the pace of a scene, mirroring the quickening pulse of an irritated character.

• Example 1: “Fine.” “Great.” The words were like icicles, freezing the room with their chill.
• Example 2: “Whatever.” “Sure.” Their exchange was as sharp as shattered glass, each word a shard laden with annoyance.

5. Over-Exaggeration

Over-exaggeration turns the trivial into the catastrophic, offering comic relief or highlighting a character’s dramatic tendencies.

It’s an expression of annoyance that borders on the theatrical.

What’s great is that it reveals how a character copes with irritation through humor or hyperbole.

• Example 1: “If I have to hear that song one more time, I’ll hurl myself into the sun.”
• Example 2: “Great, another email. At this rate, I’ll be buried under them by lunch, a forgotten relic of the digital age.”

6. The Cold Shoulder

The cold shoulder is silence weaponized, a deliberate withdrawal of attention or engagement.

This form of annoyance is powerful in its subtlety, signaling a breach too vast for words. It’s an emotional standoff, where the absence of interaction speaks louder than any argument.

• Example 1: She turned away, the silence between them a tangible manifestation of her annoyance.
• Example 2: He answered with nothing but a cold shoulder, an invisible wall erecting itself between them with each passing second.

7. Sarcastic Compliance

Sarcastic compliance is obedience laced with contempt.

It’s a complex dance of doing as asked while making it abundantly clear that compliance is anything but genuine. This approach adds depth to characters, showcasing their cunning or their contempt.

• Example 1: “Oh, you want these reports now? Sure, let me just stop time for you.”
• Example 2: “Absolutely, I’ll get right on that,” she said, her tone dripping with enough sarcasm to flood the office.

8. The Heavy Sigh Paired With Pinched Brow

The combination of a heavy sigh and a pinched brow is a physical manifestation of internal turmoil.

It’s a nonverbal cue that signals a breaking point.

Not only that but it also captures a moment where annoyance is not just felt but worn openly.

This dual action serves as a powerful tool for writers to depict a character’s struggle with irritation in a way that readers can almost see and hear.

• Example 1: His brow pinched as if trying to hold back the tide of irritation, accompanied by a sigh too heavy for his lungs.
• Example 2: With a sigh that seemed to drag the very air down with it, she pinched the bridge of her nose, a clear signal she was nearing her limit.

9. Tapping Fingers or Foot

The repetitive motion of tapping fingers or a foot creates a tempo of tension, a metronome ticking off seconds of irritation.

This action, often unconscious, signals a simmering impatience, adding a layer of urgency to the narrative.

It’s a subtle yet effective way to communicate a character’s annoyance without them saying a word.

• Example 1: Her fingers tapped an impatient melody on the tabletop, each note a crescendo of her growing irritation.
• Example 2: The constant tap-tap-tap of his foot was like a countdown, each beat marking the progression of his annoyance from simmering to boiling.

10. The Mocking Tone

A mocking tone, rich with irony and disdain, can transform ordinary dialogue into a barbed exchange.

This method showcases not just annoyance but also a character’s wit, allowing them to parry aggravations with verbal jousting. It’s a way to keep interactions dynamic and inject humor or bite into the narrative.

• Example 1: “Sure, ‘genius.’ Let’s do it your way, because that’s worked out so well for us in the past.”
• Example 2: “Oh yes, your invaluable advice is just what I needed. How could I possibly make decisions without you?”

11. Descriptive Internal Monologue

An internal monologue brimming with annoyance offers a direct window into a character’s psyche.

This technique allows readers to inhabit the character’s frustration, experiencing their irritation firsthand. It’s an intimate exploration of annoyance, providing depth and relatability.

• Example 1: If he tells me to calm down one more time, I’ll show him just how ‘calm’ I can get. It’ll be the calm before the storm.
• Example 2: Another pointless assignment. As if my time has no value whatsoever. I might as well start a collection of these.

12. Curt Nods or Gestures

Sometimes, annoyance is best communicated through the economy of movement.

Curt nods or gestures can convey a character’s impatience or displeasure succinctly, without the need for words.

This body language speaks to the character’s current state, adding a layer of subtext to interactions.

• Example 1: A curt nod was all he gave in response, the minimal effort speaking volumes of his lack of interest.
• Example 2: Her gesture, a brisk wave of dismissal, was as cutting as any words could be, leaving no doubt about her feelings.

13. Dramatic Exit or Entrance

A dramatic exit or entrance can serve as a physical manifestation of annoyance.

In a way, it’s a grand gesture that leaves no room for interpretation.

Whether storming out of a room or barging in, the action punctuates the character’s emotional state, adding a theatrical element to the scene.

• Example 1: Without a word, she spun on her heel and stormed out, the slam of the door echoing her annoyance.
• Example 2: He barged into the room like a tempest, his presence alone announcing his irritation before he even spoke.

One of the biggest challenges in showing emotion is not to overdo it.

Here is a good video about finding that balance when learning how to show annoyance in writing:

Special Circumstances for Showing Annoyance

When writing, the context in which a character feels annoyed can drastically change how that annoyance is expressed.

Below is a guide to depicting annoyance in 20 unique situations.

Consider it your cheat sheet to show annoyance in writing.

Each of these contexts offers a rich backdrop against which annoyance can play out in multifaceted ways.

By tailoring the expression of annoyance to fit the situation, writers can create more vivid, engaging scenes that resonate with readers’ experiences and emotions.

Final Thoughts: How to Show Annoyance in Writing

Every sigh, eye roll, and snippy comeback is a brushstroke on the canvas of your narrative.

Learn how to show other emotions in the guides I’ve listed below.

Read This Next:

• How To Show Surprise In Writing (250+ Examples & Words)
• How to Show Happiness in Writing (100+ Ways & Examples)
• How To Describe Guilt In Writing [17 Best Tips + Examples]
• How to Describe Nervousness in Writing (23 Tips + Examples)

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My Most Embarrassing Moment Essay: Don't Be Shy To Tell

Introduction

Welcome to The Knowledge Nest, the ultimate destination for thought-provoking articles and engaging discussions in the Community and Society category. In this piece, we dive into the fascinating world of embarrassing moments, encouraging you to share your own experiences as well. Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions as we explore hilarious and cringe-worthy anecdotes that are sure to leave you in stitches.

Understanding the Human Experience

Embarrassing moments are an inherent part of the human experience. Whether we trip and fall in public, say something awkward, or have a wardrobe malfunction, these moments can be both mortifying and amusing. They often serve as reminders of our vulnerability and imperfections, bringing us closer as a community by connecting through shared experiences.

The Power of Laughter

Laughter is the best medicine, and it certainly holds true when it comes to embarrassing moments. Despite the initial discomfort, reflecting on these amusing incidents can help alleviate stress and create lasting memories. The ability to find humor in our own embarrassing situations demonstrates our resilience and self-acceptance.

Entertaining and Relatable Stories

At The Knowledge Nest, we believe that sharing our embarrassing stories is not only therapeutic but also brings joy to others. Our extensive community has generously contributed their most memorable moments, and we've curated a collection of tales that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even blush.

Story 1: The Slippery Entrance

Picture this: a rainy day, a crowded shopping mall, and a slippery entrance. Our community member, Sarah, recounts her embarrassing moment when she entered the mall, only to find herself sliding uncontrollably on the wet floor. Not only did she land with an undignified thud, but she also inadvertently managed to draw attention to herself. This relatable tale highlights the unexpected hurdles we often face in our daily lives, leaving us with an embarrassed grin.

Story 2: The Accidental Reply All

We've all experienced that moment of panic when we accidentally hit "Reply All" on an email. Our community member, John, shares his cringe-worthy encounter with this modern-day conundrum. In an attempt to express his frustration about a colleague's mistake, he unknowingly sent a scathing email to everyone in the company. The aftermath? A mixture of embarrassment, apology emails, and valuable lessons learned.

Lessons Learned and Growth

While embarrassing moments may feel mortifying in the moment, they often provide valuable life lessons and personal growth opportunities. These experiences teach us to embrace humility, develop resilience, and foster empathy towards others facing embarrassing situations. At The Knowledge Nest, we believe that sharing our stories can help create a compassionate and understanding community.

Embracing Vulnerability

Vulnerability is an integral part of being human. By sharing our most embarrassing moments, we showcase our authenticity and invite others to do the same. The Knowledge Nest is dedicated to providing a safe and inclusive space for individuals to express themselves openly and without judgment, fostering connections through shared human experiences.

Your Turn to Share

We've shared some unforgettable tales, and now it's your turn! We invite you to recount your most embarrassing moments and celebrate the beauty of imperfection. Submit your stories on our platform, and let's create a vibrant community where laughter and understanding thrive. Remember, your story has the power to entertain, inspire, and unite.

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At The Knowledge Nest, we value the diversity of stories and perspectives within our community. By joining us, you'll have access to a multitude of captivating articles, engaging discussions, and the opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals. Don't miss out on the enriching experience that awaits you at The Knowledge Nest. Sign up now and embark on a journey of discovery, growth, and laughter!

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College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

• I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
• My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
• I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
• I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

• I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
• I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
• I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
• I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
• I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
• My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
• I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
• I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

• I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

• I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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Bad College Essays: 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid

College Essays

Just as there are noteworthy examples of excellent college essays that admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples of terrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards.

While I won't guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won't end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays—and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident.

What Makes Bad College Essays Bad

What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matter with poor execution.

Problems With the Topic

The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flub what the essay is about or how you've decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily create an essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I'll discuss in the next section.

The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren't on your transcript. So if you start with a terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes.

Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don't have a good sense of judgment or maturity , which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have to be able to handle independent life on campus.

Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person , or someone who doesn't process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since colleges want to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students.

Still other bad topics indicate that you're unaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself , which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officers are looking for people who can do that.

Problems With the Execution

Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you've structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style.

One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics , like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that's expected from a high school graduate.

Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you're either someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them . Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already.

College Essay Topics To Avoid

Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories.

Too Personal

The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something very private can show that you don't really understand boundaries . And knowing where appropriate boundaries are will be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you.

Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level: if it's not something you'd tell a friendly stranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don't tell it to the admissions office.

• Describing losing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn't mean you can't write about your sexual orientation—just leave out the actual physical act.
• Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value.
• Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other. Your relationship is adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life.
• Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety. Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one.

Too Revealing of Bad Judgment

Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoral actions out of your essay . It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you.

Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you're in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you've turned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up.

• Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unless it's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay.
• Describing drug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine.
• Making up fictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar.
• Detailing your personality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement.

Too Overconfident

While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies.

• Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play.
• Having no awareness of the actual scope of your accomplishments. It's lovely that you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn't make you a saintly figure.

Too Clichéd or Boring

Remember your reader. In this case, you're trying to make yourself memorable to an admissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays . If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won't register in that person's mind as anything worth paying attention to.

• Transcribing your resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks you to write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about a facet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application.
• Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be.
• Being moved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed at how happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about this tends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don't do it.
• Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very common experience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you're going to write about death or divorce, make sure to focus on how you dealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic.
• Going meta. Don't write about the fact that you're writing the essay as we speak, and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader's hand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways.
• Offering your ideas on how to fix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me, there's just no way you are being realistically appreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing.
• Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive.
• Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality. "Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me."

Too Off-Topic

Unlike the essays you've been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future . Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context.

• Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn't the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the ways you've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future.
• Documenting how well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantastic learning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements.
• Concentrating on a work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing an analytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you've been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexas application to get some advice on writing about someone else's work while making sure your essay still points back at you.

(Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Too Offensive

With this potential mistake, you run the risk of showing a lack of self-awareness or the ability to be open to new ideas . Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that's what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inability to communicate successfully with others.

Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that.

• Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay stands on any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person.
• Writing a one-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate.
• Mentioning anything negative about the school you're applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices.

College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid

Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you're writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic—the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list.

Tone-Deafness

Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life —these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness.

• Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off.
• Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn't know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommend the simplest and most straightforward version: being self-deprecating and low-key.
• Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone.
• Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life.

(Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Lack of Personality

One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay ? If the answer is yes, then you aren't doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It's very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student.

• Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible.
• Skipping over description and specific details in favor of writing only in vague generalities. Does your narrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, which could apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you're doing it wrong and need to refocus on your reaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation.

Off-Kilter Style

There's some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn't a free-for-all postmodern art class . True, there are prompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences.

• Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot of urban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time.
• Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form. Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different.
• Using as many "fancy" words as possible and getting very far away from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hear your not fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it.

Failure to Proofread

Most people have a hard time checking over their own work. This is why you have to make sure that someone else proofreads your writing . This is the one place where you can, should—and really must—get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft.

Otherwise, you look like you either don't know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don't care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?).

• Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand.
• Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant.
• Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read.

Bad College Essay Examples—And How to Fix Them

The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So if you think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can't bear being touched, you'll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up!

Now let's take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed.

Essay #1: The "I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak" Meta-Narrative

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishing the college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans for my October, November and December.

Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!" I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

I fell into a state of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senior year. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomore year, and performing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public. And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as the cherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trek and my enthusiasm for TREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays.

With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree.

What Essay #1 Does Well

Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is.

Killer First Sentence

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine.

• A strange fact. There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway?
• A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical. What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way?
• Direct engagement with the reader. Instead of asking "what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house" it asks "was your house ever destroyed."

Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well

I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

The author has his cake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trek mythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computer alone in his room. You know, just in case.

A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph

The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activism could capture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words.

(Image: fir0002 via Wikimedia Commons .)

Where Essay #1 Needs Revision

Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine.

Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative

I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal.

Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience.

In the rewrite, I'd advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get to the meat of the actual essay .

Letting Other People Do All the Doing

I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!"

Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there.

Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do. Not only that, but it sounds like both of the "incomplete" essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative.

In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Star Trek and the TREE versions of the essay as the author's own thoughts rather than someone else's suggestions . This way, the point of the essay—taking apart the idea that a college essay could summarize life experience—is earned by the author's two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay.

Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences

Both the Star Trek fandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author—important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates. But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life.

It's fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves.

In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests . How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today?

Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix

So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn't capture about the author . In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities.

For example, after the Star Trek paragraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discuss art forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who loves Star Trek .

Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting—is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist?

Essay #2: The "I Once Saw Poor People" Service Trip Essay

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on life changed after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn't have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got to the farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice asking me in Spanish, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I looked down to see a small boy, around nine years of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate ahead of themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all?

Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

What Essay #2 Does Well

Let's first point out what this draft has going for it.

Clear Chronology

This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out.

(Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons)

Where Essay #2 Needs Revision

Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster.

Condescending, Obnoxious Tone

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive.

This is a very broad generalization, which doesn't tend to be the best way to formulate an argument—or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population.

In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on "other teenagers," most of whom she doesn't know and will never meet.

I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

Coming from someone who hasn't earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word "compassion" sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it.

These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves.

Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boy the author was clearly not looking all that "fortunate"—instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting.

In the next draft, a better hook could be making the essay about the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip . A more meaningful essay would compare and contrast the points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child's point of view.

Vague, Unobservant Description

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness.

Phrases like "cries of the small children from not having enough to eat" and "dirt stained rags" seem like descriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyed generalizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid?

The same goes for "filthy rags," which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmers so their clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had "stains" on it.

The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether .

The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality.

If this is the "most vivid memory," then I would expect to read all the details that have been seared into the author's brain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did they get there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace?

There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass.

Lack of Insight or Maturity

But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water?

Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature . After all, this isn't a a solo wilderness trek—the author is there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips?

In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered.

Unearned, Clichéd "Deep Thoughts"

But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the author was shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence. But what does "there is more to life than just being alive" even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur.

In a rewrite, the essay should be completely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new version can end by on a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people's perspectives .

The Bottom Line

• Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution.
• The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence.
• The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don't know how to write, or don't care enough to do it well.
• The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness.
• The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations.

What's Next?

Want to read some excellent college essays now that you've seen some examples of flawed one? Take a look through our roundup of college essay examples published by colleges and then get help with brainstorming your perfect college essay topic .

Need some guidance on other parts of the application process? Check out our detailed, step-by-step guide to college applications for advice.

Are you considering taking the SAT or ACT again before you submit your application? Read about our famous test prep guides for hints and strategies for a better score.

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Essay on My Most Dangerous Experience

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Most Dangerous Experience in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Most Dangerous Experience

Introduction.

My life has had many exciting moments. But the most dangerous experience was when I got lost in a forest during a family camping trip. It was an adventure I’ll never forget.

The Camping Trip

My family and I went on a camping trip to a dense forest. We had fun exploring nature. One day, I decided to go on a solo adventure, not knowing the danger that awaited me.

Getting Lost

I strayed too far from our campsite. Soon, I realized I was lost. The forest was dark and scary. I couldn’t find my way back. I was alone and terrified.

Luckily, I had a whistle with me. I blew it hard. My family heard the sound and found me. It was a frightening experience, but I learned a valuable lesson about safety.

250 Words Essay on My Most Dangerous Experience

One sunny day, my family and I decided to go camping in a forest. We packed our tents, food, and other things. We reached the forest, set up our tents, and started exploring. I, being the most curious one, wandered off a bit too far.

I was so busy looking at the beautiful birds and plants that I didn’t notice I was moving away from my family. Suddenly, I realized I was alone. I tried to find my way back, but all the trees looked the same. I was lost. I started to feel scared.

The Fear and Rescue

As the sun started to set, the forest became dark and scary. I could hear strange sounds. I was very scared. I climbed a tree and stayed there. After what felt like a long time, I heard my dad’s voice. He was calling my name. I shouted back. Soon, my dad found me. I was so happy to see him.

That was the most dangerous experience of my life. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Now, I always stay close to my family when we go on trips. This experience taught me the importance of being careful and not wandering off alone.

500 Words Essay on My Most Dangerous Experience

Everyone has some memories that stick with them forever. For me, one such memory is of a dangerous experience that I had when I was just a teenager. It was a sunny day when my friends and I decided to go on a bike ride to the outskirts of our town. Little did we know, this trip would turn into an unforgettable adventure.

The Bike Ride

The rain quickly turned into a storm. Lightning flashed across the sky, and the wind blew fiercely. We tried to ride our bikes in the rain, but it was hard to see. The roads were slippery, making it hard to control our bikes. We were scared, but we knew we had to keep going. We had to get home.

The Accident

Suddenly, my friend’s bike slipped on the wet road, and he fell. He was hurt, and his bike was damaged. We were all shocked and scared. We didn’t know what to do. We were in the middle of nowhere, with no one around to help us. My friend was in pain, and we had to get him to a hospital.

That day was the most dangerous experience of my life. It taught me many valuable lessons. It taught me the importance of being prepared for any situation. It taught me about bravery and friendship. But most importantly, it taught me that life can be unpredictable, and we must always be ready to face any challenges that come our way. Despite the fear and danger, I am grateful for this experience because it made me who I am today.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

Happy studying!

This helped me very much but l needed 300 to 350 words

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My bad experience in life.

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Annoying and Obnoxious Person’ Description

There is a sort of people who are unable to make decisions and who have gotten used to relying on other people any time they face problems. They are reluctant to look at the problem from a different angle and think over possible solutions. I have met such people many times and I believe that these people are hard to change because independent thinking should be shaped since childhood. Otherwise, they will sooner or later realize that they cannot make choices; even more, they will not want to make choices. Living with reliance on somebody else is less problematic than encountering challenges, considering problems, and making decisions. What is more threatening is that such type of people is reluctant to take responsibilities for their actions.

Such people have several typical characteristics. To begin with, such people look very unprotected and exposed to various dangers and threats so that anyone indifferent to his/her problems will inevitability be caught in this trap. Because they are unable to face difficulties, such people often lack experience in solving problems and making important choices. They often blame others for their problems. Despite the reluctance to face problems, they are good communicators and negotiators because they need this skill to hunt other people they need. This is at least one positive moment about them. All these qualities apply to my case as well.

On my way to college, I was enjoying the weather and I did not want this moment to fade away. However, when I approached the college, all my dreams and deliberations were gone as soon as I met Tommy who was bidding me help with home assignments. He was so persuasive in his arguments concerning his inability to perform all tasks that I decided to help him. I told him that this is the last time I agreed to help him since people cannot always rely on others.

There should a sort of responsibility for his own life. However, later I regretted helping Tommy since the next day he was chasing me with the same requests and promising that this was the last time. I realized that the help I offered was not useful for Tommy at all. I soon noticed that I was not the only person who helped him out from difficult situations. Tommy always seemed hopeless in his attempt to do anything by himself. Therefore, all he did well was surrounding himself with people who were ready to solve his problems.

So, if you are lucky to meet such a person, you should not be tempted to help such people because this is the worst thing you can do. You should be wise enough to make this person think over his problem and provide possible solutions. Further, try to be calm and indifferent to show that responsibility is an obligatory thing that each person should have for his actions. Do not let such persons do anything regarding the challenges they encounter because it can worsen the situation.

Many people can be annoying and obnoxious. I believe this type of person is the brightest representative of the kind. Tommy is always a follower with no personal opinion and responsibilities. Certainly, there will be people who will offer their assistance, but your task is to stand them and help them solve the problems independently.

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How to Squeeze In Exercise on Vacation

Fitness experts share their tips for managing your workout routine while traveling.

By Anna Maltby

The next time you’re trying to fit in a workout on a trip, it might be comforting to know that even fitness experts don’t necessarily recommend a “no excuses” attitude.

Cedric Bryant, the president and chief executive of the American Council on Exercise, said you should prioritize balance and your well-being when deciding whether — or how much — to exercise on vacation. “The key is to be smart enough to listen to your body and your mind, and do what feels right for you,” he said.

Still, making a little time to move has clear benefits: Physical activity helps reduce stress and lower cortisol, which can enhance how relaxed you feel, Dr. Bryant said. Plus, staying active can help regulate your sleep, which could make it easier for you to adjust to a new time zone.

Here are a few ideas from fitness trainers and coaches for how to approach your exercise routine while traveling.

Use exercise to explore the area

Most people walk a lot more on vacation than at home without realizing it, said D’Annette Stephens, a personal trainer and the fitness programs coordinator at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix. Walking, running and biking are all excellent ways to experience a new place — and get some cardiovascular exercise while you’re at it. Walking just 4,000 steps per day can reduce the risk of dying from any cause, according to one study from last year.

A hotel, resort or studio in another city can be a good place to try a new fitness class, said Jamie Carbaugh, a weight-inclusive online personal trainer: “It’s a great chance to explore something outside your comfort zone without the worry that your co-worker might show up right next to you,” she said.

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