personal statement second paragraph

How to structure your personal statement

Need some direction on your university personal statement? We've got a handy example of a personal statement structure for you to use!

There’s no single right or wrong way to write a personal statement, but the successful ones are usually well-researched, sincerely written and follow a familiar structural form. It’s a good idea to read examples of existing personal statements to get an idea of the many ways they can be written, but make sure the text you end up submitting is your own. 

To help you get an idea of how you could structure your personal statement, we’ve got a guideline for you to have a look at below. 

First paragraph   

Introduce yourself and why you want to study your chosen subject. It sounds obvious, but it’s what admissions tutors want to know.  

You can keep it simple and straightforward, or you can allow yourself some artistic license and explain how your interest in the subject began – perhaps a person or place where your curiosity is rooted, and why the subject is important to you.  

It's good to kick things off with something personal, but be mindful not to waffle or spend too long on it. Try to avoid the well-trodden cliches which you will certainly encounter as you research past examples online. 

Second paragraph   

Demonstrate your understanding of your chosen course through your current studies. Mention specific modules, and why they’re relevant to your degree, as well as things which you’ve recently learned which excite you.  

Include details in this section to reference later on – for example, mention what A-levels you’ve chosen, then when you’re writing about your career goals, reference how those A-level choices will help you achieve this. Doing this helps to create a cohesive and connected piece of writing. 

Third paragraph 

Detail any work experience, summer internships, jobs and volunteering positions which you’ve recently held. Ideally these will be relevant to your course, but remember that they are not expecting you to know everything about working professionally before starting your undergraduate studies.  

What you’re really doing is showing a dedication to pursuing your education in your own time. It shows initiative and the ability to take responsibility for your direction, both of which will be extremely useful to you while studying at undergraduate level. 

Fourth paragraph 

Use this paragraph to write about extracurricular activities and hobbies, because, yet be aware of pitfalls. Avoid simply listing all your hobbies and achievements, as this can feel quite impersonal if they are not written in context.  

Instead, choose two or three key examples and spend a few sentences linking them to your degree choice. It’s a nice touch to include a future-focused comment about how you intend to continue with a hobby at university, and how it might complement or combine with your studies. 

Fifth paragraph 

Make the final paragraph about your future career goals. It’s one of the most important paragraphs of your personal statement, so take your time with it.  

If you know what you want to do after university, give an outline of this. If you haven’t planned that far ahead, use the opportunity to dream a little. Using the skills, interests and qualifications that you mentioned earlier, build a narrative of how you might develop yourself through studying your degree. 

It’s important to note that you don’t have to follow these guidelines – it’s not the only way you can structure a personal statement by any means! You might use a few ideas from it, you might use all of them, you might use none. Find what works best for you in showing why you’re a good choice for the university admissions team. 

Want more personal statement help? Check out our personal statement guide!

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By Nik Taylor (Editor, The Uni Guide) | 18 August 2023 | 22 min read

How to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps

Stand out from the crowd: here's how to write a good personal statement that will get you noticed

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Your personal statement forms a core part of your university application, and the sooner you get going, the better you can make it. You may think that your personal statement won’t matter as much to unis as your grades and experience but a great personal statement could make all the difference between you and a candidate with the same grades. Sure, your application might not reach that deal breaker stage. But is it something you want to leave to chance?  Here we’ll take you through the process of planning, writing and checking a good personal statement, so you end up with something you can submit with confidence. And to make sure the advice we're giving you is sound, we’ve spoken to admissions staff at loads of UK universities to get their view. Look out for video interviews and advice on applying for specific subjects throughout this piece or watch our personal statement playlist on YouTube .

• Are you looking for personal statement examples? Check our library of hundreds of real personal statements, on The Student Room

Personal statement deadlines

You'll need to make sure you've got your personal statement written well in advance of your application deadline. Below are the main university application deadline dates for 2024 entry.

2024 entry deadlines

16 October 2023: Deadline for applications to Oxford and Cambridge universities, along with most medicine, dentistry, and veterinary courses.   31 January 2024: Deadline for applications to the majority of undergraduate courses. After this date, universities will start allocating places on these courses –   but you can still apply after the 31 January deadline , as this article explains . 30 June 2024:  Students who apply after this date will be entered into Clearing .

• Read more: Ucas deadlines and key application dates

What is a personal statement?

A personal statement is a central part of your Ucas application, where you explain why you’ve chosen a particular course and why you’ll be good at it. It's your chance to stand out against other candidates and hopefully get that all-important offer. You only write one personal statement which is then read by each university you apply to, so if you are applying for more than one subject (or it's a combined course) it's crucial that you include common themes or reference the overall skills needed for all subjects. Personal statements are especially important if you’re trying to get on a very competitive course, where you need to do anything you can to stand out to admissions tutors. Courteney Sheppard, senior customer experience manager at Ucas, advises that your personal statement is "the only part of the application that you have direct control over. Do lots of research to demonstrate your passion, curiosity and drive to pursue your chosen subject." There’s a limit on how much you can write: your personal statement can be up to 4,000 characters (including spaces) or 47 lines of 95 characters (including spaces); whichever is shorter. This may appear generous (read: long) but once you've got going you may find yourself having to edit heavily.

• Read more: teacher secrets for writing a great personal statement

1. Plan what you want to cover

The first thing you need to do is make a plan. Writing a personal statement off the top of your head is difficult. Start by making some notes, answering the following questions:

• What do you want to study?
• Why do you want to study it?
• What is there about you that shows you’re suited to studying this subject at university? Think about your personality, as well as your experiences.
• What are your other interests and skills?

These few points are going to form the spine of your personal statement, so write them in a way that makes sense to you. You might want to make a simple bulleted list or you might want to get all arty and use a mindmap. Whatever you choose, your aim is the same. You want to get it clear in your own head why a university should offer you a place on its course. Getting those details down isn't always easy, and some people find it helpful to make notes over time. You might try carrying a notebook with you or set up a memo on your phone. Whenever you think of something useful for your personal statement, jot it down. Inspiration sometimes comes more easily when you’re thinking about something else entirely. It might help to take a look at The Student Room for some sample personal statements by university and sample personal statements by subjects , to give you an idea of the kind of thing you want to include. 

• Read more: personal statement FAQs

2. Show off your experience

Some things are worth adding to your personal statement, some things are not. Firmly in the second camp are your qualifications. You don’t need to mention these as there’s a whole other section of your personal statement where you get to detail them very precisely. Don’t waste a single character going on about how great your GCSE grades are – it’s not what the admissions tutor wants to read. What they do want to see is: what have you done? OK, so you’ve got some good grades, but so do a lot of other applicants. What have you done that’s different, that shows you off as someone who really loves the subject you’re applying for? Spend some time thinking about all the experience you have in that subject. If you’re lucky, this might be direct work experience. That’s going to be particularly appropriate if you’re applying for one of the more vocational subjects such as medicine or journalism . But uni staff realise getting plum work experience placements is easier for some people than others, so cast your net wider when you’re thinking about what you’ve done. How about after-school clubs? Debating societies? Are you running a blog or vlog? What key skills and experience have you picked up elsewhere (eg from hobbies) that could be tied in with your course choice? Remember, you’re looking for experience that shows why you want to study your chosen subject. You’re not just writing an essay about what you're doing in your A-level syllabus. Use this checklist as a guide for what to include:

• Your interest in the course. Why do you want to spend three years studying this subject at university?
• What have you done outside school or college that demonstrates this interest? Think about things like fairs/exhibitions, public lectures or voluntary work that is relevant to your subject.
• Relevant work experience (essential for the likes of medicine, not required for non-vocational courses such as English )
• Skills and qualities required for that career if appropriate (medicine, nursing and law as obvious examples)
• Interest in your current studies – what particular topics have made an impression on you?
• Any other interests/hobbies/experiences you wish to mention that are relevant either to the subject or 'going to uni'. Don't just list your hobbies, you need to be very selective and state clearly what difference doing these things has made to you.
• Plans for a gap year if you’re deferring entry.

Read more: 6 steps you need to take to apply to university

3. Be bold about your achievements

Don't be bashful about your achievements; that’s not going to help you get into uni. It's time to unleash your inner Muhammed Ali and get all “I am the greatest” with your writing. Do keep it focused and accurate. Do keep your language professional. But don’t hide your qualities beneath a layer of false modesty. Your personal statement is a sell – you are selling yourself as a brilliant student and you need to show the reader why that is true. This doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and if you’re finding it difficult to write about how great you are it’s time to enlist some help. Round up a friend or two, a family member, a teacher, whoever and get them to write down your qualities. Getting someone else’s view here can help you get some perspective. Don’t be shy. You are selling your skills, your experience and your enthusiasm – make sure they all leap off the screen with the way you have described them.

• Read more: the ten biggest mistakes when writing your personal statement  

4. How to start your personal statement

Type your personal statement in a cloud-based word processing program, such as Google Docs or Microsoft Word and don’t copy and paste it into Ucas Hub until it’s finished.  One of the benefits of doing it this way is that you can run spell check easily. (Please note, though, that Word adds "curly" quotation marks and other characters (like é or ü) that won't show up on your Ucas form, so do proofread it on Ucas Hub before submitting it to ensure it is how you typed it.)  Another big benefit is that you'll always have a backup of what you've written. If you're being super careful, you could always save your statement in another place as well. Bear in mind that extra spaces (eg adding spaces to the beginnings of paragraphs as indentation) are removed on Ucas. In your first sentence, cut to the chase. Why do you want to do the course? Don’t waste any time rambling on about the daydreams you had when you were five. Just be clear and concise – describe in one line why this course is so important to you. Then, in the rest of your intro, go into more detail in demonstrating your enthusiasm for the course and explaining how you decided this is what you want to do for the next three or more years. However you choose to start your statement, just avoid the following hoary old chestnuts. These have been some of the most used lines in personal statements over the years – they are beyond cliche, so don’t even think about it.

• From a young age I have (always) been [interested in/fascinated by]…
• For as long as I can remember, I have…
• I am applying for this course because… 
• I have always been interested in… 
• Throughout my life I have always enjoyed… 
• Reflecting on my educational experiences… 
• [Subject] is a very challenging and demanding [career/profession/course]… 
• Academically, I have always been… 
• I have always wanted to pursue a career in… 
• I have always been passionate about…   

5. Focus your writing on why you've chosen that subject

So you’ve got your intro done – time to nail the rest of it. Bear in mind that you’ve got to be a little bit careful when following a personal statement template. It’s easy to fall into the trap of copying someone else’s style, and in the process lose all of your own voice and personality from your writing. But there is a rough order that you can follow, which should help keep you in your flow. After your opening paragraph or two, get into any work experience (if you’ve got it). Talk about extracurriculars: anything you've done which is relevant to the subject can go here – hobbies, interests, volunteering. Touch on your career aspirations – where do you want this course to take you? Next, show your enthusiasm for your current studies. Cite some specific examples of current work that you enjoyed. Show off your relevant skills and qualities by explaining how you’ve used these in the past. Make sure you’re giving real-world examples here, not just vague assertions like “I’m really organised and motivated”. Try to use examples that are relevant.   Follow this up with something about you as a person. Talk about non-academic stuff that you like to do, but link it in some way with the course, or with how it shows your maturity for dealing with uni life. Round it all off by bringing your main points together, including a final emphasis of your commitment to studying this particular course.

• Read more: how to write your personal statement in an evening  

6. How long should a personal statement be?

You've got to work to a very specific limit when writing your personal statement. In theory you could use up to 4,000 characters – but you’re probably more likely to be limited by the line count. That's because it's a good idea to put line breaks in between your paragraphs (to make it more readable) and you only get a maximum of 47 lines. With this in mind, 3,500 characters is a more realistic limit. But when you’re getting started you should ignore these limits completely. At first, you just want to get down everything that you feel is important. You'll probably end up with something that is far too long, but that's fine. This is where you get to do some polishing and pruning. Keep the focus of your piece on the course you’re applying for, why you want to do it and why you’re perfectly suited to it. Look through what you’ve written so far – have you got the balance right? Chop out anything that goes on a bit, as you want each point to be snappy and succinct.

• Read more: universities reveal all about personal statements  

7. Keep it simple

8. Smart ways to end your personal statement

Writing a closing line that you’re happy with can feel as tricky as coming up with your opener. What you’re looking for here is a sign-off that is bold and memorable. The final couple of sentences in your statement give you the opportunity to emphasise all the good stuff you’ve already covered. Use this space to leave the reader in no doubt as to what an excellent addition you would be to their university. Pull together all your key points and – most importantly – address the central question that your personal statement should answer: why should you get a place on the course?

• Read more: universities explain how to end your personal statement with a bang  

9. Make sure your personal statement has no mistakes

Now you’ve got a personal statement you’re happy with, you need to make sure there are no mistakes. Check it, check it a second time, then check it again. Once you’ve done that, get someone else to check it, too. You will be doing yourself a massive disservice if you send through a personal statement with spelling and/or grammatical errors. You’ve got months to put this together so there really is no excuse for sending through something that looks like a rush job. Ask your teachers to look at it, and be prepared to accept their feedback without getting defensive. They will have seen many personal statements before; use what they tell you to make yours even better. You’ve also got another chance here to look through the content of your personal statement, so you can make sure the balance is right. Make sure your focus is very clearly on the subject you are applying for and why you want to study it. Don’t post your personal statement on the internet or social media where anyone can see it. You will get picked up by the Ucas plagiarism checker. Similarly, don't copy any that you find online. Instead, now is a good time to make your parents feel useful. Read your personal statement out to them and get them to give you feedback. Or try printing it out and mixing it up with a few others (you can find sample personal statements on The Student Room). Get them to read them all and then try to pick yours out. If they can't, perhaps there's not enough of your personality in there.  

10. Don't think about your personal statement for a whole week

If you followed the advice at the very start of this guide, you’ve started your personal statement early. Good job! There are months before you need to submit it. Use one of these weeks to forget about your personal statement completely. Get on with other things – anything you like. Just don’t go near your statement. Give it a whole week and then open up the document again and read through it with fresh eyes. You’ll gain a whole new perspective on what you’ve written and will be well placed to make more changes, if needed.

• Read more: how to write your personal statement when you have nothing interesting to say  

10 steps to your ideal personal statement

In summary, here are the ten steps you should follow to create the perfect personal statement.  

Personal statement dos and don'ts

• Remember that your personal statement is your personal statement, not an article written about your intended field of study. It should tell the reader about you, not about the subject.
• Only put in things that you’re prepared to talk about at the interviews.
• Give convincing reasons for why you want to study the course – more than just "enjoying the subject" (this should be a given).
• For very competitive courses, find out as much as you can about the nature of the course and try to make your personal statement relevant to this.
• Be reflective. If you make a point like 'I like reading', 'I travelled abroad', say what you got from it.
• Go through the whole thing checking your grammar and your spelling. Do this at least twice. It doesn’t matter if you’re not applying to an essay-based course – a personal statement riddled with spelling mistakes is just going to irritate the reader, which is the last thing you want to do. If this is something you find difficult then have someone look over it for you.
• Leave blank lines between your paragraphs. It’s easier for the reader to get through your personal statement when it’s broken into easily digestible chunks. Remember that they’re going to be reading a lot of these! Make yours easy to get through.
• Get someone else's opinion on your statement. Read it out to family or friends. Share it with your teacher. Look for feedback wherever you can find it, then act upon it.
• Don’t write it like a letter. Kicking off with a greeting such as "Dear Sir/Madam" not only looks weird, it also wastes precious space.
• Don’t make jokes. This is simply not the time – save them for your first night in the union.
• Don’t criticise your current school or college or try to blame teachers for any disappointing grades you might have got.
• Be afraid of details – if you want your PS to be personal to you that means explaining exactly which bits of work or topics or activities you've taken part in/enjoyed. It's much more compelling to read about one or two detailed examples than a paragraph that brushes over five or six.
• Just list what you're doing now. You should pull out the experiences that are relevant to the courses which you're applying to.
• Mention skills and activities without giving examples of when they have been demonstrated by you or what you learnt from them. Anyone can write "I have great leadership skills" in a PS, actually using a sentence to explain when you demonstrated good leadership skills is much rarer and more valuable.
• Refer to experiences that took place before your GCSEs (or equivalent).
• Give explanations about medical or mental health problems. These should be explained in your reference, not your PS.
• Apply for too many different courses, making it difficult to write a convincing personal statement which supports the application.
• Write a statement specific to just one institution, unless you're only applying to that one choice.
• Copy and paste the statement from somewhere else! This means do not plagiarise. All statements are automatically checked for plagiarism by Ucas. Those that are highlighted by the computer system are checked manually by Ucas staff. If you’re found to have plagiarised parts of your statement, the universities you apply to will be informed and it could jeopardise your applications.
• Use ChatGPT or another AI program to write your personal statement for you. Or, if you do, make sure you thoroughly edit and personalise the text so it's truly yours. Otherwise you're very much at risk of the plagiarism point above.

You may want to look at these...

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How to Write a Personal Statement – 5 Personal Statement Examples

How to write a personal statement – introduction.

The personal statement is one of the most important parts of the college application process. For this reason, it’s often also one of the most anxiety-inducing. If you’ve been searching for personal statement examples because writing your personal statement has you worried (or excited), then you’re in the right place. 

In this article, we’ll present five personal statement examples and teach you how to write a personal statement that highlights who you are and demonstrates your full potential to colleges. We’re going to outline what a personal statement is, how colleges use them in the application process, and which topics tend to work best for college applicants. Then, we’ll offer some advice and tools to help you draft, edit, and finalize your own personal statement. Finally, we’ll walk you through five personal essay examples, breaking them down individually, so you can see just what makes them work. 

Writing a personal statement may seem like a daunting task, especially if you aren’t clear on just exactly what a personal statement for college is. After you see your first personal statement example, things may seem clearer. But first, let’s demystify the term “personal statement.” 

What is a personal statement?

Learning how to write a personal statement starts with understanding the term . I’m sure throughout the college application process you’ve heard your counselors, teachers, and classmates talking about the importance of a personal statement. While you may know that the personal statement for a university is extremely important, you still might not be clear on just what it is. You may have never even seen a personal statement example. So, before you attempt to start writing , let’s answer the questions: what is a personal statement for college? And just how do universities use them to evaluate students?

A personal statement for college is your chance to set yourself apart from other students and show admissions who you are. A strong personal statement for a university will describe your unique experiences and background in a first-person narrative. And when done well, it’s your opportunity to catch the right attention of an admission officer. 

No pressure, right? Don’t stress quite yet. The process of writing a personal statement can be fun! It’s an opportunity to write about something you’re passionate about. You’ll be able to see a personal statement example later on (five, actually!), and you’ll notice that it’s not about the perfect topic , but rather, how you tell your story. 

Personal statement basics

Now, let’s talk about personal essay specifics. Generally speaking, a personal statement will be between 400-700 words, depending on the specific university guidelines or application portal. The Common App essay must be 250-650 words. The Coalition App , by contrast, suggests that students write 500-650 words.  Try to aim for the higher end of those ranges, as you’ll be hard pressed to write a compelling personal statement without enticing descriptions. 

Apart from the word count, what’s the personal statement format? The personal statement for a university should be written in a first-person conventional prose format. You may be a wonderful poet or fiction writer but refrain from using those styles in your personal statement. While using those styles in a personal essay could occasionally be a hit with admissions, it’s best to showcase that style of writing elsewhere. If you choose to add your creative writing style to your application, you should do so by submitting a writing portfolio. Generally speaking, the strongest personal statement will be written in first-person prose language. 

General or prompted

When it comes to a personal statement for college, it will generally fall into one of two categories : general, comprehensive personal statement, or a response to a very specific personal essay prompt. In the open-ended option, you’ll want to share a story about something important related to your life. This could be about family, experiences, academics, or extracurriculars . Just be careful not to repeat your entire resume. That’s certainly not the goal of a personal essay.  

Remember, it’s a personal statement. So, share something that you haven’t elsewhere. If given a prompt, it will likely be open-ended so that you can flex your creativity and show off your writing style. You’ll be able to write a story that genuinely matters to you, ideally sharing something that has made you who you are. 

You may also need a personal statement when applying to certain programs, such as business or STEM programs. The basic idea is the same, but you’ll want to connect your experiences to the specific program. Check out the details of writing a personal statement for a specific field . 

That extra push

The college application process can seem rigid at times; the personal statement for college is your chance to show off in a way that has nothing to do with GPA or transcripts. The personal statement is an opportunity for colleges to meet students on their own terms. It’s essentially your written interview . 

At top universities, many students will have similar grades and test scores. A strong personal statement gives students the chance to stand out and show that they’re more than just numbers on a transcript. What’s the extra push that an admissions officer may need to admit a qualified student? A well-written, compelling personal statement can help you gain admittance to competitive schools . 

Having a support system throughout the college admissions process is important. Keep your parents in the loop with this personal statement webinar that offers details about the common app essay and the personal essay for college. 

You are probably wondering the same things as other students about the college application essay or college essay tips. Read an admissions officer’s response to some FAQs and get some useful college essay tips. Then, put your college admissions knowledge to the test with our quiz below!

The CommonApp Essay vs. The Personal Statement

So, we’ve discussed what a personal statement is and why it matters. Now, let’s discuss one common type of personal statement: the Common App essay. While each school may have their own personal statement topics, the Common App essay section has general prompts that will serve as your personal statement. The Common App essay will respond to one of seven prompts.

For the most up-to-date information on the Common App essay, you can check their website .

Common App Essay Questions for 2022-2023:   

• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
• Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
• Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?
• Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
• Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
• Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Open-ended prompts

The Common App essay personal statement prompts are intentionally open-ended. They are meant to give you the chance to tell your unique story . However, one requirement is that your Common App essay must be between 250-650 words. 

You can choose to respond to any one of the seven prompts. Remember to choose the best prompt for you. It may seem obvious, but the personal statement for college is your opportunity to share your personal story. You’ll want to choose a topic you can write well about that will show how you’ve grown or changed. It’s also your opportunity to show off your writing style. So, pick a topic you enjoy writing about!

Check out some tips on how to tackle each prompt from the Common App essay blog. You may also want to read this Common App essay overview for juniors . We’ll get into more specific details later on how to write the Common App essay– and other personal statement topics in general– later in this article.

How important is a Personal Statement?

As we’ve mentioned, the personal statement is your chance to stand out in a pool of applicants. It’s an extremely important part of any college application. A personal statement for college will be a requirement of nearly every application you complete. Admissions will use your personal statement to get a sense of who you are beyond your grades and scores. So, if you want to show colleges what makes you unique, your personal statement is the place to do it. Figuring out how to write a personal statement is key to a successful application. 

Seeing what works when it comes to your personal statement for university can be a helpful first step. U.S. News breaks down the process of writing a personal statement and gives some successful personal essay examples. Reading another student’s successful personal statement example will give you an idea of what impresses admissions. It may even get you excited about writing your own personal statement for college! 

While every school will likely require some sort of personal statement, it may actually be used differently in the admissions process. How your personal statement is judged during the admissions process will depend on a school’s size, ranking, acceptance rate , and various other factors. Larger state schools will likely put the most importance on an applicant’s grades and scores while spending little time reviewing a student’s personal statement. 

Especially important at top tier schools

However, at Ivy League schools and other elite institutions, many students have the same impressive grades, scores, and extracurriculars. The personal statement allows these schools to distinguish between high-achieving students. If you’re looking at these types of institutions, then a lot of importance should be placed on writing a personal statement that is unforgettable and impresses admissions. 

So, we know that learning how to write a personal statement is key to many successful applications, but you may be thinking: what’s the difference between a personal statement and supplemental essays? Every school you apply to via the Common App will receive an identical copy of your Common App essay. The Common App essay serves as your personal statement. 

However, each school will have their own supplemental requirements, which may include additional supplemental essays . For schools with many supplemental college essay prompts, your personal essay may not have as much of an impact on your overall application. Admissions officers will see your writing style, and likely your personality, in all of the college essay prompts you submit. 

Additional personal statements

Still, you should always treat your personal essay with the utmost care. It can make a huge difference in the admissions process. You may also need to write other personal statements when applying to scholarships or specific programs . It’s good to get used to the process and the personal statement format during college application season. 

When should I start writing my Personal Statement?

When it comes to all things in the college application process, including any college application essay, it’s best to start early . Don’t leave your personal statement for a university until the last moment. Writing a personal statement will take time. The sooner you start your personal statement for college, the more likely you are to succeed. 

This doesn’t mean that you should start writing your personal statement for university the summer before your sophomore year. High school is a time for development, and colleges want to get to know you at your most mature. It’s just good practice to start thinking about how to write a personal statement early on. 

Review personal statement examples

Think about personal statement format, personal statement topics, and personal statement ideas. Look at other students’ personal statement examples. You can start jotting down potential ideas for your personal essay for college at any time, which may be useful down the line. But, you don’t need to actually start writing your personal statement until the summer before your senior year .

Be open-minded to changing your personal statement topic as you grow and discover new things about yourself. Check out this personal statement webinar on how one student switched her personal essay for college at the last moment. Just like there is no set personal statement format, there are no rules against mixing up your topic as you see fit. But, at least try to allow yourself some time to revise and edit your personal essay for college to perfection.

What do I write in a personal statement?

There’s no one-size-fits-all outline when it comes to how to write a personal statement. Your personal statement for university will depend on your own background, interests, and character. Overall, it’s not the personal statement topics that will catch the eye of admissions officers– it’s how you write your story that will. You need to know how to write a personal statement that not only checks the boxes but is also powerful . 

Important things to keep in mind when writing your personal statement: 

Choose a topic you’re passionate about.

What would you be excited to write about? Chase the personal statement topics that seem fun to write, think about, and talk about. If you’re passionate about your personal statement, your audience will feel it and be engaged. 

Really be you

Authenticity is key when it comes to writing a personal statement. After all, it’s your chance to tell your story and really show admissions who you are. Whatever you write about, make sure it is true, honest, and authentic to your experiences.

Give it some flair

Ok, we don’t mean do something too unconventional like a personal statement haiku. But, you should show off your writing style in your personal statement for college. Admissions officers want to get to know you and your writing. 

Knowing how to start a personal statement or how to start a college essay, in general, is often the most difficult part of the process. You’ll want to brainstorm some personal statement topics to get your creative juices flowing. CollegeAdvisor.com offers a masterclass on brainstorming personal statement topics for the Common App essay in case you need some help with how to start a college essay or a personal statement. 

Still have doubts? Read more on how to write a personal statement and get some college essay tips from CollegeAdvisor.com’s admissions experts. It will also be helpful to look at some successful personal essay examples and understand why they worked . Good personal statement examples can inspire you to tackle writing your own personal essay for college.  

Exploring Personal Statement Topics

It seems logical that when exploring the process of how to write a personal statement, you should start thinking about personal statement ideas. What are the best topics to write about in a personal statement? If you look at various successful personal statement examples, you’ll likely realize the topic isn’t necessarily the most important part. You don’t need to write about something that no one else has ever written about. You just need your personal statement to have its own unique spin. Lean into brainstorming personal statement ideas that show who you are. It’s helpful to read some personal statement examples for inspiration. 

While there is no exact formula for “how to write a personal statement”, there are some basic guidelines that students should follow. The personal statement should be written in first-person nonfiction prose form. Often, a personal statement introduction will include a story or an anecdote and then expand to reveal the impact of that experience on the writer. 

You may be specifically wondering how to start a personal statement. Well, it could be with a moment, a place, or a conversation that spurred some sort of change or growth within you. While this isn’t necessarily a “personal statement format,” it’s a very general format that works. 

Things to avoid

We now know that the personal statement format is fluid, but there are some things to avoid when thinking about how to write a personal statement: 

• Profanity, explicit content, or crude language. 
• Lying or misinterpreting events. Keep it authentic. 
• Sharing overly personal descriptions of troubling life experiences. Remember that applying to college requires professional boundaries. 
• Writing a narrative that revolves around others. The personal statement is all about you and your experiences. 

If you want to know what a bad personal statement example would look like, imagine one that includes any of the formerly listed items. You don’t want to catch an admissions officer’s attention for the wrong reasons. Good personal statement examples will be engaging, but inoffensive. Check out some more do’s and don’ts when it comes to how to write a personal statement.   

When pondering “how to write a personal statement,” it’s good to know that you don’t need to follow conventional essay guidelines. The best personal statement examples will exude passion and professionalism, while a bad personal statement example will lack soul. If you’re excited about a topic, then that’s a great place to start! Now, let’s get into the actual writing. 

How do you write a good Personal Statement?

To review, in the first part of this series of three articles on how to write a personal statement we answered the question “What is a personal statement?” We also explained how schools use a student’s personal statement for college to evaluate them. We described the Common App essay as an example of a personal statement for a university. Next, let’s dig into how to write a personal statement, including how to start a personal statement, the best tips for writing a personal statement, and some good personal statement examples and personal essay examples to inspire you.

First, you have probably wondered how to write a personal statement that stands out from the rest. It all comes down to one thing: authenticity. The best personal statement examples and personal essay examples show schools what makes the writer unique, and they are written in an authentic voice. When giving advice about how to write a personal statement, admissions officers say that the best personal statement examples tell them who the student is beyond their coursework and grades. They are personal, and they tell a unique and interesting story.

Considering Personal Statement topics

So, as you think about how to write a personal statement, you may also wonder what the best personal statement topics are. When writing a personal statement, including the Common App essay, you don’t have to share an exciting story about the time you wrestled a wild bear or how you discovered a cure for cancer. For example, in their advice on how to write a personal statement, Wellesley College advises , “Tragedy is not a requirement, reflection and depth are.” 

Some of the best personal statement topics focus on insights about common experiences. Begin your brainstorming process by reviewing the list of Common App essay prompts as you think about writing a personal statement, and choose a story that genuinely matters to you. Then, get excited about telling it! Think about writing a personal statement, including the Common App essay and every other personal essay for college, as an opportunity to lean into your quirkiness or to share your unique insights.

What’s more, a good personal statement for a university should be well-written. Consider the advice offered by Purdue Online Writing Lab : “Be specific, write well and correctly, and avoid cliches.” This will take time—writing a good personal statement for a university or a good Common App essay doesn’t happen overnight. The process of writing a personal statement will include multiple sessions between the first phase of brainstorming and the final phase of editing. Be prepared to write and rewrite, and never hesitate to ask for help from an advisor, counselor, parent, or trusted adult. However, remember that your work should always be your own.

Now, let’s discuss how to start a personal statement.

How do you start a personal statement?

So, now you have the basic information on how to write a personal statement, including your Common App essay. Next, you’re probably asking, “But how do you start one?” In this section, we’ll break down the process of exploring personal statement ideas and how to start a personal statement. This information also applies to thinking about how to start a college essay. Then, we’ll discuss how to write a personal statement opening.

Brainstorming is usually the first phase of any writing project to generate personal statement ideas. You may want to read a personal statement example like those here or here for inspiration to help get your personal statement ideas flowing. Next, ask yourself some idea-generating questions : Who have your intellectual influences been?  Which careers are you considering and why? What personal goals do you have? As you think about the answers to these typical college essay prompts, jot down personal statement ideas that occur to you. If you’re still feeling stuck, ask a close friend or family member , “What do you think differentiates me?,” or “What are my quirks?”

Pick a topic that excites you

Then, once you have a few good topics for your personal statement, choose one that you feel most excited to write about. Write a draft of your personal statement introduction and see what other ideas occur to you for later parts of your essay. Choose another topic and do the same thing. Don’t feel like these initial drafts need to be perfect—words on the page are always a great start! The goal right now is to decide which personal statement topics you feel most inspired to write about. Which ideas reflect something interesting about you ? 

Once you have selected which topic you will focus on for your personal statement, Common App essay, or personal essay for college, think about crafting a strong hook. The opening line (or lines) of the best personal statement examples include a “hook” for the reader, grabbing their attention and making them want to keep reading. For example, you could start with a question, an unusual or surprising statement, or an anecdote that will leave readers wondering what comes next. Whichever approach you select when considering how to start a college essay, make sure to use engaging language and vivid imagery.

Remember, start early and write several drafts .

The personal statement is an opportunity to write about a topic that is important to you and that also reflects your personality . Now, let’s discuss the personal statement format.

How do you format a personal statement?

Different applications may require different approaches to your personal statement format. In some cases, you may copy and paste your personal statement into an application and it will format itself automatically. In other situations, you will need to set up your personal statement format yourself. If this is the case, Times New Roman font, 12-point, with conventional margins and double spacing is a safe personal statement format.

When you are submitting your personal statement or Common App essay through the Common App, you may notice that the Common Application text box only allows formatting for bold, italics, and underlining. Therefore, it’s best to write your personal statement in Google Docs or Word and to write your paragraphs with block formatting (not indented). In addition, using Google Docs or Word will also allow you to easily check spelling and word counts before pasting your personal statement into the Common App.

Editing your Personal Statement

Many students wonder what the editing process for their personal statement for college, including the Common App essay and other personal essays for college, should look like. This varies by student and by essay. But, the best personal statements for a university go through at least several rounds of edits.

Firstly, once you have written the first draft of your personal statement for a university or personal essay for college, take a step back for a few hours or even for a day. Then, return with fresh eyes. Is your narrative well organized? Are there sections that seem unclear, ideas that don’t support your main point, or awkward sentences? You may want to reorder your paragraphs or sentences or delete and rework other elements. Revisit a personal statement example and consider how it is organized for comparison. 

Making the cut

In short, don’t be afraid to cut sentences that don’t directly relate to the main focus of the essay or convey some important detail of the story. This will help clarify your narrative. Also, make sure that you have centered your writing around your own experiences—the story should reflect your perspective and insights.

Next, once you are confident that your personal statement is well organized and your main ideas are clear, do another round of detailed editing. Eliminate any typos or repetitive language; make sure you have proper grammar and spelling throughout.

Finally, ask a trusted adult to read your personal statement and provide feedback. Something that you thought was clear may not be to them. Also, ask them how engaging your personal statement is, and if there are sections that seem dry or unimportant. Ask whether your hook is effective, and review tips on how to start a personal statement if necessary. Sometimes feedback can be difficult to hear, but it helps to remember that even professional writers seek input from others. The goal is to create the best personal statement possible!

For more detailed advice on revising your personal statement, check out this CollegeAdvisor personal statement webinar, “ Revising the Personal Statement .”

How do I know when my personal statement is done?

There’s no definitive way to know when your personal statement for a university is done—you can keep editing most writing forever. However, as you revise and edit, you’ll notice that you have fewer things to fix with every new draft. Once you feel like there’s nothing major left to change, get feedback from someone you trust. 

Your College Advisor expert can also provide valuable feedback and guidance at this point. If the notes and suggestions from others are also limited, you may be nearly ready to finalize your personal statement for college and press “submit.”

6 Tips for Writing a Great Personal Statement 

1. be authentic.

Remember, admissions officers want to know about you —your personality, your interests, your goals. A great personal statement is personal . Your personal statement for a university needs to express your unique ideas and insights in your own voice. Nobody can tell your story better than you. So, choose a topic that interests you and let your energy and ideas shine through.

Being personal also means that you should share sensory details and your internal dialogue. What did you see or hear at a critical moment? What were you thinking or feeling during that pivotal conversation? The more personal details you share, the more interesting your personal statement will be.

2. Start early

This is one of the most important tips on how to write a personal statement. You can start brainstorming topics for your personal statement at any time during high school. Some students keep a notebook where they write down personal statement topics and ideas as they occur to them over time. They also begin reading other good personal statement examples and Common App essays for inspiration. 

Regardless, a good plan is to solidify a draft of your personal statement for college the summer before your senior year. This will give you time to work on supplemental essays and other parts of your applications during the fall of your senior year.

3. Brainstorm before you write

Take some time to think and reflect deeply before you begin writing. Don’t feel like you need to jump into a full essay draft as soon as you complete your junior year. Do some writing exercises and brainstorming activities first, including reading other personal statement examples. 

In each personal statement example you read, pay close attention to the personal statement introduction, the narrative arc, and the conclusion. Did the writer incorporate an effective technique for how to start a college essay? Why is the essay interesting? What does it tell you about the writer? 

4. Tell a story

Keep in mind that well-told stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. They also engage the reader and arrive at a clear message or point by the end. In short, the best personal statement examples follow a narrative arc. 

Start with an interesting hook and use it as an introduction to a story from your life that addresses the given college essay prompt. Then, use the latter half of your personal statement or Common App essay to show why this story matters and how it reveals a key part of your identity. And always remember: show, don’t tell.

5. Avoid common mistakes

Steer clear of cliches in your writing—they do not help you stand out or demonstrate strong writing skills. Also, do not use your personal statement or Common App essay as an opportunity to rehash your activities or achievements. Remember, these are included in other parts of your application. 

The best personal statement examples show admission officers something about the writer that is not reflected in other parts of the application. They describe first-hand experiences and provide specific examples to illustrate ideas.

6. Edit carefully

Once you’ve written your personal statement for college, look for anything that doesn’t feel right. Eliminate awkward phrasing, delete or replace repeated words and phrases, and work to streamline your language. You might delete entire drafts, and that’s okay! It’s a process, and all the work you do gets you closer to your best work. Also, make sure to ask a few others whom you trust to read your essay and provide suggestions for edits.

Bonus tip: Ask for help

A second set of eyes can make a huge difference. Ask an advisor (like our team at CollegeAdvisor.com), counselor, or parent to look over your work. Don’t let anyone write your sentences for you—instead, use their input to help your voice shine through. 

For more great college essay tips on how to write a personal statement and college essays, check out this advice from college admission experts.

Personal Statement- Frequently Asked Questions

Where can i find a good personal statement example.

There are a variety of websites that offer good personal essay examples as models you can use to inspire you. A good place to begin is here , and there are also examples of personal statements in the next article of this series. As you read these examples, take note of the personal statement introduction, as well as how the writer focuses the essay on a specific topic or idea that reflects their personality.

Is it ever too late to change my personal statement?

While it is much better to begin writing your personal statement early, sometimes students decide later in the writing process that they want to rethink the personal statement topic they have chosen. If you find yourself in this position, you will find some helpful advice in this CommonApplicant.com personal statement webinar . 

My parents didn’t go to college. How do I explain personal statements and how to write a personal statement to them?

CollegeAdvisor.com has created a special personal statement webinar just for parents. In this webinar, we describe personal statements, the specifics of how to write a great college essay, and other college admissions terms.

I’m a high school junior. What should I be doing now to prepare to write my personal statement and college essays?

First, congratulations on thinking ahead! You can begin by reading “ Common App Essay Overview for Juniors .” Then, your CollegeAdvisor admissions expert can help you begin brainstorming and planning for your college application essays. They can provide you with examples of common college essay prompts, as well as helpful college essay tips. Also, they can provide suggestions on how to start a personal statement and share other resources on how to write a great college essay.

How will college admission officers evaluate my personal statement and college application essay?

Admission officers are looking for personal stories that are well told. How closely each of your college application essays is read will vary depending both on the school and the other components of your application. However, as more schools become test-optional, admission officers say that college essays are becoming even more important in the admissions process. So, as you plan your essays keep in mind that admission officers want to learn about you —your experiences, thoughts, and goals. They also want to see that you have solid writing skills, so make sure that you closely edit your essays before you submit them.

If you would like to hear directly from an admission officer and learn more about how to write a great college essay, including specific advice on how to start a college essay, check out this “ 39 Essay Tips ” article.

How is the personal statement for a university different from the Common App essay and personal essay for college? 

The Common App essay asks students to write a personal statement in response to one of seven provided prompts. All types of personal essays for college provide students with an opportunity to introduce themselves to college admission officers on their own terms. For a more detailed description of each of these types of essays, check out the first article in this series, “How to Write a Personal Statement.”

For answers to more frequently asked questions about personal statements for college and college essays, click here .

In the first part of this series discussing how to write a personal statement, we answered the questions “What is a personal statement?” and “How important is the personal statement?” In this second article of the series, we have covered the specifics of how to write a personal statement, including descriptions of the writing phases of the personal statement and personal essay for the college writing process. In the next article, we will examine personal statement examples and highlight key elements of each personal statement example. 

Introducing 5 Personal Statement Examples

By this point, you’ve gone from asking, “What is a personal statement?” to knowing how to write a personal statement. Now, let’s look at some personal statement examples. Reading personal statement examples is great preparation for writing your own personal statement for college.

However, keep in mind that reading about how to write a personal statement is one thing–writing a personal statement is entirely different. By reading these personal statement examples and why they worked, you’ll have a better grasp of how to write a personal statement.

Each of these personal statement examples shows something that isn’t clear in the rest of the application. Top schools accepted all the writers of these personal statement examples. Our guide will walk you through each of these personal essay examples and discuss what makes them work. We hope by reading these, you can learn more about how to write a personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #1: Choosing a Great Topic

The first of our personal statement examples was written by a student who was accepted to Yale, Princeton, and other top schools. Their personal statement discusses the legacy of antisemitic violence in their family. While political and religious topics can be difficult, this student writes a fantastic college application essay about their topic.

Personal Essay Example #1

Across the ocean, there is war. Children mistaking rockets for fireworks, parents too protective—too careful—to correct them.          Back home, there are phone calls. To family, to friends. In English, in Hebrew.          “Are you safe?”         I pray they live far from Jerusalem.          Right here, in my room, there is turmoil.          Furiously swiping through Instagram, I wonder who will betray me next. I wonder which friend will decide that their loosely related, offensive commentary belongs on their profile.          Once the deed is done, I am quick to unfollow. To cut off perpetrators of what Jewish journalists call “the Social Media Pogrom”: when targeting the Jewish people online turns to real antisemitic violence (and a powerful reason to unfollow my friends).          So I flee from my friends’ Instagram accounts. But only because my family fled from much worse.          My grandfather found himself wearing a yellow star, living in a ghetto, and losing everything to the Nazis. One day, he ripped off the star and ran. Even though it meant never seeing his family again.          He did not flee for a better life; he fled for any life.          His son came to marry another refugee: my mother. Her story is a familiar one, shared by many in my hometown: escaping yet another antisemitic regime whose existence threatened her own, my mother fled Revolutionary Iran in 1979. Fortunately, she was reunited years later with all eight of her siblings, who had escaped in various other creative, illegal ways—“on camelback” being a personal favorite.           To this day, she bears a scar on her eyelid from antisemitic violence back home.          My family tree’s roots are settled in the soil of persecution. Swastikas have sawed away at its structure, and Revolutionary Guards have bent its branches. I know too well which winds will threaten the leaves: words wishing my people death, implicitly or explicitly. Calling on my cousins to evacuate their homes, for they are on the Jewish side of the land dispute. Denying the reality that no one deserves to be displaced.         When I hear these words, see them on a screen, I sense a chillingly familiar breeze. Sometimes, the breeze blows away a few leaves: a rabbi is stabbed, a synagogue vandalized.          Suddenly my friends, teetering on the edge of antisemitism with waves of painful posts, are no longer my friends. They are my enemies.          But then I hear a little voice:         “David, what on Earth are you doing?”         And I remember that they are not. They are not Nazis or Revolutionary Guards. I should not shun them or cease to show them love. I cannot wallow in my rage or simply “unfollow”—not on Instagram, not in life.          I soon return those beloved friends to my circle. I “follow” them once again.         Because dialogue is my lifestyle. I ought to be recruiting my friends to Model Congress or engaging them in class. Welcoming the people around me to a world of positive, exciting, and purposeful discourse is the best I can do. It’s also who I am.          My family passed down a sensitive radar for harmful rhetoric, but also gifted me with a powerful belief—a Jewish belief—in informed discussion and coexistence. Holding no hate in their hearts, my ancestors wore lenses of love that did not belong to their oppressors.         Today, I wear those same lenses with pride. Once infuriating Instagram posts no longer cloud my vision. I’ve instead fallen in love with the precious diversity of thought that surrounds me and find myself most at home when I am immersed in political dialogue.          I will face many “enemy” opinions, but I will not shut my eyes and cover my ears, give up a dear human connection, and miss out on a meaningful experience.            I will approach individuals with humanity rather than animosity, acceptance rather than judgement, and love rather than hate.          I will live by the lessons of my ancestors. 

What Worked?

What did this Common App essay do well? Firstly, it covers a great topic. This student writes about their family’s experience with antisemitic violence and its legacy in their life today. When writing a personal statement for college, such sensitive personal statement topics can be challenging. In this case, the writer successfully centers their experiences and thoughts rather than on controversial events.

Moreover, they cut through political tension with a core reality rooted in empathy: “No one deserves to be displaced.” This is a great strategy if you’re wondering how to write a personal statement on a sensitive topic. All personal statement topics have an angle that makes them universally relatable. If your personal essay for college is missing something, try an empathetic approach.

Ask for help revising

Don’t forget to ask other people to revise your personal statement for university. What makes sense to you may not read well to others. Especially with sensitive topics, share your work with someone you can trust to give you feedback. If possible, also include a non-family member like a teacher or guidance counselor who knows how to write a personal statement.

This student connects their family’s troubles with their own worldview. Good personal statement examples offer a look at the author as a person. A strong topic lets you reflect on how your experiences have impacted your engagement with the world and other people. And as shown above, the writer chose a great topic –not necessarily a great college essay prompt. College essay prompts are wide-ranging , and good personal statement ideas can come from any of them. Indeed, whatever your prompt is, personal essay examples are ultimately about you . 

Evocative language and imagery

With this in mind, look at how the writer’s attitude changes throughout their Common App essay. Good personal statement examples contain precise, evocative language and imagery. When you’re writing a personal statement, find the right words—not necessarily the longest ones—and sentence structures you need. This personal statement begins in a panic; the writer “furiously swiping” in the “turmoil” of their room, keenly attuned to betrayal from friends. These words and the short paragraphs bring each thought into sharp focus.

The writer’s passion for their subject shows through their language. Using structural repetition in “Wishing…. Calling…. Denying…” establishes a serious tone and keeps the personal statement fresh. In the latter half, words like “beloved,” “lenses of love,” and “precious diversity” signify a shift to a gentle, loving attitude. The best personal essay examples choose their words precisely. By choosing words carefully in combination with poetic and rhetorical devices, you can write a stellar personal statement for university.

Certainly, family histories can be great personal statement topics. Even so, suffering doesn’t automatically make a strong personal statement for university. If you know how to write a personal statement, even at first mundane personal statement ideas can become good personal statement examples.

Personal Statement Example #2: Finding a Great Hook

The second of our personal statement examples is by a student who was accepted to UC San Diego, Johns Hopkins, the University of Pennsylvania, Vanderbilt University, and more. In their personal statement for college, this student uses their interest in Rubik’s cubes to frame other parts of their life.

Personal Statement Example #2

My life is as simple as a Rubik’s Cube: a child’s toy that can be solved in 20 moves or less IF and only if enough knowledge is gained. I received one on my 9th birthday and over the following months, I became obsessed with it.  I rotated the rows aimlessly, hoping that eventually the cube would solve itself. I was naive about the complexity of the cube which led me to apply some research. I began looking up tutorials on YouTube about solving the toy and was in awe over the amount of work that had to be done. I forced myself to go step by step until I could arrange a single face, and my progress pushed me forward until I could solve 4 of the 6 faces of the cube. Every night for an hour I would randomize the colors again and work my way back to ⅔ of the cube being complete. Until this point, I lacked the confidence in my everyday life and had never aimed for a difficult goal, especially one without external motivation. However, what I love about solving the cube is that you can follow the steps perfectly and still run into a stalemate based on the arrangement of the squares. This forces you to randomize the cube again and start from step 1. All the hard work and time put into this object can be useless, but it is unavoidable no matter what you do. Multiple times I faced this dilemma of running into a wall, but instead of giving up, my will pushed me forward. I shed many tears over my failures to solve a child’s toy. I needed to push through these failures until I could learn how to arrange the last faces of the cube. And just like that, it was complete! The Rubik’s Cube was arranged correctly. However, I wanted to get faster. I was inspired by the greatest, the individuals who could solve cubes within 5 seconds, and mix up the cube once more. I tried over and over until the point of obsession where I could get the cube arranged in under a minute. Sometimes it is necessary to disarrange a completed face of the cube in order to achieve the end goal of every face being complete. The colors of a cube can be compared to my academics, my athletics, my art, my leadership, my hobbies, and my family life. Though it is a struggle to juggle all these tasks, it is the desire to expand in all these subjects that pushes me forward. I want to learn more and master subjects within my academics, improve my form and get faster within my athletics, grow my skills of digital design within art, become a stronger role model as a leader, volunteer more within my hobbies, and get closer to supporting my family.  This mindset will continue to push me to expand my present knowledge and learn new concepts in order to complete my goals. 43,252,003,274,489,856,000: That is how many combinations there are for a single 3×3 Rubik’s cube, and there are probably even more combinations ahead of me in my journey through college and beyond. I have to struggle to learn how to solve my cube and put in the hard work in order to succeed at this game of life. Once I finish school and solve my cube for the first time, the game is not over. The next steps are to refine my work and ethics until I can get the process of solving my own cube down to 20 moves or less. My life goal is to carve a name for myself among the best and the brightest in the surgical field, yet there is always more knowledge to obtain which will drive me to continue growing.

Take a look at that hook! The classic personal statement format begins with a hook to draw the reader into a story, and this is no different. This personal statement introduction, “My life is as simple as a Rubik’s cube”, is bold, even seemingly contradictory, until you read the rest of the sentence. Either way, it makes you want to keep reading this personal statement example. 

The worst thing a personal statement for a university can be is boring. A good hook starts your reader off on the right foot. While many personal statement examples begin in the middle of a story, making a bold claim is also common. If you’re wondering how to start a personal statement, start thinking about what opening sentence would grab your attention.

Like the first essay’s writer, this student also uses descriptive language to bring their Common App essay to life. They didn’t simply try the Rubik’s cube, but they “rotated the rows aimlessly”. Rather than saying they kept working on the cube, the writer shows us how they scrambled and resolved it every night. When writing a personal statement, do your own experiences justice with the right descriptive language .

Thinking about tone

You may notice the tone of this personal essay example is very different from the first– intensity isn’t everything! In fact, it’s a reflection of the different subject matter of these personal essay examples. When writing your personal statement, your tone should match what you are trying to say. In the same way that one word can make a sentence, another can totally break it. 

From a vivid description of their childhood, the writer expands the scope of their Common App essay to other areas of their life. Good personal statement examples explore subjects that other parts of your application don’t. In this case, this student uses the Rubik’s cube to represent their varied activities and their aspirations for each. They also reflect on life lessons and personal traits: perseverance, ambition, and curiosity.

In other words, the writer creates parallels between their interest in Rubik’s cubes and their personal journey. In the same way that they obsess over speed-solving, the writer works to excel in other subjects. Furthermore, the writer shows us this instead of directly telling — a maneuver fundamental to all good personal statement examples. The writer makes a compelling case as not only an applicant but also as a future member of the campus community. 

Consider chronology

Notice the chronological structure this student uses for their Common App essay. Specifically, see how it follows the writer’s life from their first Rubik’s cube to the present day. This is a simple way to craft a strong Common App essay. Personal essay examples like this make it easy to reflect on your growth, which is crucial for any personal statement for college. Lastly, by ending with the 20 moves needed to solve a cube, the writer neatly ties up this personal statement example.

Personal Statement Example #3: The Value of a Great Ending

The third of our personal statement examples is by a student who got into the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, Carnegie Mellon, and the University of Southern California. The writer talks about how being on the swim team helped them cultivate confidence.

Personal Essay Example #3

When I joined the high school swim team, I never expected to go to school dressed as Shrek. Yet as Freshman Friday approached, I learned it was team tradition for upperclassmen swimmers to dress freshmen teammates in ridiculous costumes. Against my will, my teammates splotched green paint on my face, styled my hair into pigtails covered in green paper, and stuffed a pillow under my sweatshirt. Attending my classes was mortifying. With every stare, I buried my head further into my textbook and shifted my hand to cover my green and now bright red face; with every chuckle, I sank deeper into my seat, attempting to hide my massive pillow stomach. The frown on my face felt like a permanent fixture, and after dealing with the humiliation for a class period, I was done. I yanked the pillow out of my sweatshirt and ripped the paper from my hair. The only hint of swamp ogre that remained was the green face paint. When confronted about my lack of Shrek-ness at the end of the day, I claimed I was overheating and that the paper had fallen apart.  I lied. I was just embarrassed. I always knew I was shy — the “too-timid-to-signal-the-waiter” type of shy — but until Freshman Friday, I hadn’t realized the extent to which it affected the social and academic aspects of my life. Ever since I was young, my jaw would clench at the thought of humiliating myself by deviating from the norm and bringing attention to myself. I often closed myself off from friends by diverting conversations to trivial topics like gym class when they probed me about deeper subjects like my mental health. I even avoided participating in class by scouring Google for hours for physics help to circumvent admitting to my classmates that I was confused by asking questions. By hiding in the shadows to avoid embarrassment, I hindered my ability to cherish the humor in being Shrek, and, more broadly, my comfort in freely expressing myself.  However, I loved swimming and wanted to make my high school team’s environment as wonderful for me as my love for the sport. I slowly started creeping out of my shell, meeting the team, and participating in more voluntary dress-up days. Freshman year, I wore a dragon onesie on pajama day; sophomore year, I wore a Hawaiian shirt, a lei, and sunscreen for tacky tourist day. Junior year, I wore my swimsuit over leggings, goggles, medals, pigtails with award ribbons, and a towel cape, finally surpassing the ridiculousness of the Shrek costume. For the first time, I finally felt confident enough to prance around the school, laughing about my costume with my classmates. I felt like a true part of my team, joking with teammates, taking pictures, and letting the whole school know that I swam. With each year and its dress-up days, I gradually felt more of the sense of community, team spirit, and fun that I had craved.  Dressing up unleashed my confidence. This, in turn, made me happier and more involved in my school community. Most surprisingly, though, was how dressing up eventually better prepared me to enter engineering. Hispanic women are severely underrepresented in engineering, so I used to fear that I would be incapable of establishing a strong enough presence and earning my peers’ respect for my ideas. However, with every group discussion I initiated, every question I asked, and every club meeting I hosted, I saw myself making a place for my input and noticed that my teachers and peers actually valued it. I realized that I had found my voice and even enjoyed sharing my opinions. I’m now ready to take on the challenge of expressing my thoughts in a male-dominated field. In the meantime, I’m just looking forward to my swim team’s next dress-up day.

Like our last essay, this personal statement has an awesome hook. In fact, the writer drops us right into the action. This technique, known as in media res , is great for a Common App essay. You can immediately set the scene for your reader, then build context from there. Not only does the writer bring us right in, but they also expertly use language for tone. “Ridiculous,” “against my will,” and “splotched” all illustrate the writer’s opposition to what’s about to happen. This is an effective technique in personal statement examples.

Following the anecdote, the writer reflects on their intense shyness. They show self-awareness by recounting specific instances where fear got the better of them. Yet again, we can see the importance of showing rather than telling in a personal statement. Each sentence provides an example of how the writer’s shyness had a negative impact on their social and academic success. Thus, we see the true conflict in this personal statement isn’t the costume, but the writer overcoming their lifelong shyness. 

Personal growth and development

Ask anyone how to write a personal statement and they’ll tell you about growth. When writing a personal statement for university, demonstrating personal growth and an ability to reflect on it is key. Across college essay prompts, you should explore how your experiences have shaped or changed you. Being able to indicate specific causes and effects is part of all good personal statement examples.

From there, the writer clearly illustrates their journey from insecurity to confidence. They show us the ways that their shyness manifested before. Then, the writer shows us the increasingly ridiculous costumes they wore. Of course, the language changes, too—the writer goes from “creeping” to “prancing”! Yet another example of how small changes to wording can have a huge impact on your personal statement for college.

Finally, the writer provides a sound conclusion. They mention the numerous benefits of their newfound confidence and, more importantly, look forward. In the final paragraph, the writer takes the lessons they’ve learned and discusses how they will use them to accomplish their goals. Like both of the personal essay examples we’ve already seen, the writer closes by talking about the doors they want to open.

Circling back to your hook

We saw the effectiveness of linking the hook and closing paragraph in previous personal statement examples. Similarly, this personal statement example ends with the idea of dress-up day once again. This kind of personal statement format helps bring everything full circle. In learning about how to write a personal statement, the conclusion is one of the most important parts. Especially in chronologically structured personal statements, closing the loop in this way makes your personal statement feel complete .

The best personal statement examples have a well-written conclusion. Taking your personal statement ideas and addressing them neatly in the conclusion is important. Whether you explain particular future goals or simply affirm your personal values, you should have a future-facing closer. Colleges want to know not only how you’ve grown, but also how you will bring that growth to campus. 

Personal Statement Example #4: Why This Essay Worked

Fourth on our list of personal statement examples is by a writer who applied to performing arts programs. This student wrote about their love for the performing arts and their heritage. They were accepted to schools like NYU Tisch, Point Park, and Roosevelt University. Look for the college essay tips we already mentioned in the personal statement below.

Common App Essay Example #4

At six years old, most kids I know get excited to help Blue find clues or recite Elmo’s songs on Sesame Street. So you can imagine my family’s surprise when they saw me ignoring the other kids to go belt alongside my grandfather’s mariachi trio in the backyard. Growing up, I had always loved performing for people. But my passion for performing in front of a packed house never compared to performing for my favorite audience: my great grandmother. From age seven to twelve, my dad would take our family on a three-hour road trip to visit my great grandmother’s nursing home every single weekend. I remember the clean, antiseptic smell, and the beeping of her oxygen concentrator as I perched myself next to her bed and sang all types of songs from romantic boleros to earwormy Disney tunes. Even as she began failing to recognize her loved ones due to her worsening Alzheimer’s, she would always remember me, her “palomita blanca,” or white dove. But as I got older, singing what once were innocent songs, like “Edelweiss” or “Almost There,” started to make me feel like an imposter. I knew I belonged on stage, but I never saw any Mexican representation in any of my favorite musicals and animated cartoons. By seventh grade, I was plucking away at my full eyebrows for community theatre the night before auditions because I was told it would give me a better chance at landing a lead role. When my great grandmother passed away, I had lost the person who constantly reminded me how powerful staying true to your identity is. Without her, I questioned whether I had a chance at pursuing the thing that lights my soul aflame. But I stuck through the late nights, sprained ankles, and endless sweating under stage lights, because I loved theatre more than anything else in the world. In my freshman year, I joined the Conservatory of the Arts program for dance and drama at my high school. After my first show, I remember feeling so comforted by the fact that I finally felt that I belonged in the theatre kid community. In sophomore year, I finally got my first lead role as Gertrude in my high school’s production of Seussical. At last! All of my hard work had paid off and I was going to be a lead after six years of ensembles. I was so excited to get the chance to show myself and the world that my identity was my power. I didn’t want to be any old Gertrude. I’d stay up until 2 a.m. on weekends coming up with ways to make her more memorable. Inspired by Juan Gabriel’s emotional ballads, I added vocal cry to Gertrude’s solos to better portray her insecurities. Instead of sticking to just belting in “All For You,” I sang runs similar to the high energy mariachi songs I grew up with to show off my character’s passion and newfound confidence. But in March 2020, the world stopped, and the show couldn’t go on. Distanced learning made the performing arts programs nowhere near as fun or educational as they used to be. Still though, as president of the drama program in 2021, I am determined to rebuild a community that was torn apart by a worldwide pandemic. I want to be the mentor I never had. My confidence in my identity has been an important tool in teaching others that practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes progress. I work hard encouraging others not to be afraid to show the world what they have. Musical theatre is an art that thrives with innovation, so I’d like to bring the creative spice which my culture has enriched me with to the world’s stage. Maybe someday I can be that actress on stage or TV that’ll get a little Latina girl enthralled by the arts.

In this personal essay example, the writer uses vivid storytelling to show how they became the person they are today. Firstly, the hook tells us how the writer values both performance and her family. This light, fun personal statement introduction quickly goes for the heartstrings by introducing the writer’s great-grandmother. Personal statement examples sometimes avoid talking about family, because it’s easy to lose focus on the writer. But this writer never loses sight of their own memories, emotions, and experiences.

Equally important, those experiences are well-illustrated with rich imagery that clearly conveys the writer’s passion for their topic. Details like the smell and sound of the nursing home bring us into the moment. The writer also provides some examples of what they endured in theatre: “late nights” and “sprained ankles.” Use concrete images to get your personal statement ideas across with impact .

Also, the writer makes a point to explore the intersections of their Hispanic heritage and their passion for theatre. Particularly, the writer discusses their difficulty in putting them together, as shown by plucking their eyebrows. By establishing this conflict in the middle of her personal statement, the writer indicates their awareness of the wider world and their place in it. Many good personal statement examples will create context like this, showing the author thinking beyond themselves.

Show commitment to your topic

Broadly, the writer discusses their twin passions with powerful language and imagery. Exhibiting genuine enthusiasm for your personal statement topics is key. This personal statement shows that the writer has always been moved by their family and by the arts. Their triumph in combining the two feels huge precisely because we understand how much each of these things mean to them. Even if your personal statement topics aren’t as deep-seeded as this writer’s, you should show commitment to what you’re writing about.

If you’re reading this, COVID probably disrupted your school life at some point, as it did for this student. However, be careful not to linger on it more than necessary. This writer doesn’t completely gloss over the pandemic, but they keep their own journey at the center of the personal statement. The writer’s experience with distanced learning propelled them forward. Ideally, your personal statement for the university should keep a tight focus on you. The narrative personal statement format should show not only your experiences but also what you’ve learned from them.

Personal Statement Example #5: Pulling It All Together

The fifth and last of our personal statement examples is by another student who got into several top schools. They write about their participation and leadership at a club event. Keep an eye out for all the tips we’ve mentioned, from a good hook to showing-not-telling.

Personal Statement #5

One hundred and fifty bagels, all completely frozen. I couldn’t believe it. My school’s Model UN Conference was to start in thirty minutes, and breakfast for the delegates was nowhere near ready. I looked with dismay at my friends’ concerned faces peering out from behind piles of frozen bagels. As Secretary-General, it was my job to ensure that this conference went smoothly. However, it seemed that was not going to be the case. I took a moment to weigh my options before instructing Hannah, our “logistics coordinator,” to heat up the frozen circles of doom in the home-ec room. I knew Hannah enjoyed baking, so I trusted her to find a way into the locked room and thaw the assortment of bagels.  Cold bagels were not the only thing weighing heavily on my mind that morning. As I walked from classroom to classroom helping set up committees, I couldn’t help but feel nervous. Our conference wasn’t going to be like those of the private schools- there were no engraved pens or stylish water bottles. Instead, people got post-it notes and whatever pens we could steal from the supply closet. Forcing myself to stop worrying, I chose instead to think of why we made that choice. Since most of the food was donated, and all of the supplies had been “borrowed” from the supply closet, we could afford to charge only a nominal fee to everyone attending. Making Model UN accessible was one of my top priorities as Secretary-General; the same desire motivated me to begin including middle school students in the club. I hurried back down to the cafeteria, and was relieved to see that all the bagels looked warm and ready to eat.  The bagels would not be the sole crisis that day. As debates were about to start, one of the Chairs sent me a panic stricken text: “We only have 5 people in our committee! We can’t reenact the creation of the Treaty of Versailles!” I hurried to where his debate was taking place, and sure enough, only five people were there. I quickly considered my options- cancel the committee?  Convince some delegates to switch into this debate through bagel bribery? Or maybe, come up with a completely new topic?  I settled on idea number three. But what topic could a committee of only five people spend a day discussing? I mulled it over until an idea began to form. I explained to the room, “Each one of you will represent one of the five major Democratic and Republican presidential candidates. The chair will guide you as you tweet, make campaign videos, and debate the most important political issues.” I spent a few minutes figuring out how to go about moderating such an unconventional committee, before heading off to check in on the other debates.  As I walked from committee to committee, fixing problems and helping move debates along, I felt a sense of pride. I had spent months working on this conference, along with the other members of my team. At times, I worried I could never pull it off. A part of me had wished our faculty advisor would just organize the whole thing for us. After all, I’m just a high schooler, how could I put together such a big event? But as the day went by, I realized that with the help of my peers, I had done it. All the little crises that cropped up weren’t because I was doing a bad job; they were inevitable. The fact that I could find solutions to such a wide variety of problems was a testament to my leadership skills, and my level-headedness. I didn’t just feel like a leader—I felt like an adult. As I look towards my future in college and later the workforce, I know that I can succeed, even if my obstacles seem as insurmountable as a mountain of frozen bagels. 

This writer has a great example of how to start a college essay. Their strong hook makes us curious – why are there so many? What’s going on, and can the writer fix it? The essay’s tone is clear from the outset, and we’re drawn in by the conflict. Moreover, the writer establishes themselves as a leader and problem-solver.

Like a short story character, this writer encounters various obstacles. Throughout this personal statement, the writer shows off their resourcefulness, leadership skills, and quick thinking. While other people are in this personal statement example, the focus never wavers from the writer’s thoughts and actions. Additionally, the writer details the thought process behind each of their solutions.

As we’ve mentioned, a good personal statement for a university shows information, rather than telling it. This writer walks through various aspects of the conference in the second paragraph, then explains their reasoning. Instead of just saying they wanted to make the conference accessible, the writer shows us how they made it possible by organizing food donations and only charging a small fee. This Common App essay shows us what the writer is like through actions as well as words.

A narrative of learning and growth

As with our other personal statement examples, the writer wraps up with a strong conclusion that recalls the hook. They recount their personal growth throughout this process. In addition, the writer elaborates on the lessons they have taken from this experience. As shown above, introspection on personal growth and values is part of any good personal essay for college. This Common App essay makes a solid case for its writer as a future student and community member.

In sum, this writer takes a seemingly insignificant anecdote and uses it to reveal something critical about their experiences. By highlighting particular, telling moments, the writer shows us their personality and capability. What’s more, by using engaging language and a clear structure, the writer makes a lasting impact on the reader. For these reasons, this is a superb example of a personal statement for college.

CollegeAdvisor Resources on Writing a Great Personal Statement

By now, you’ve seen several personal statement examples and confidently say you know how to write a personal statement. But maybe you feel you need a little more information. A good personal statement for college starts with early preparation. Getting a head start on writing your personal essay for college is a great idea.

We at CollegeAdvisor have no shortage of guides on how to write a personal statement. We’ve got quick college essay tips from our admissions experts . If you have some more time, here are some frequently asked questions answered by an Admissions Officer. If you’re more of a watcher than a reader, check out a personal statement webinar from CollegeAdvisor.

How to Write a Personal Statement: Final Thoughts

You made it to the end! Now you know how to write a great college essay. Let’s briefly recap what we covered in this “How to Write a Personal Statement” guide.

Firstly, we answered the question, “What is a personal statement?” We outlined the expected length, personal statement format, and how important they are in the application process. Then, we explored some of the most common and effective personal statement topics.

Next, we looked at how to write a personal statement. We gave advice and tips on drafting, editing, and finalizing your personal essay for college. Specifically, we talked about the value of strong hooks, your unique voice, and editing.

Finally, we reviewed five personal statement examples and discussed what made them work. Each of our personal essay examples had effective language, structure, and other techniques that may inspire your writing.

Still a little stuck on how to write a personal statement for college? Aside from college essay tips and personal statement webinars, CollegeAdvisor also offers one-on-one support. We have hundreds of Admissions Experts and former Admissions Officers available to support you. Our Admissions Experts can work with you to help you craft a college application essay that highlights your potential.

This guide was written by Sarah Kaminski , Lori Dunlap , and Gina Goosby . No matter what stage you are at in your college search, CollegeAdvisor.com is here to help. We’ve created a wide range of guides, to help you navigate the college admissions process from building your school list all the way to packing for your freshman fall. For more specialized guidance on writing a personal statement, click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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The Personal Statement from Start to Finish

With 78% of Program Directors ranking the Personal Statement as one of the most important factors in considering applicants for interviews , it’s no wonder that composing this document can be a demanding and stressful experience. In this blog, we’ll break down the Personal Statement from start to finish to help you get started writing. Don’t let confusion about how this document should be written stand in your way of writing, or even worse, lead you into the dreaded writer’s block!

Writer’s Tip: The only way out of writer’s block is to write – it doesn’t really matter if the words are any good, just start typing!

What IS the Personal Statement (and what ISN’T it)?

The Personal Statement is a professional document , much like a cover letter for a resume. Its purpose is to go beyond the content listed in your CV. You should expand on the most important/relevant experiences you’ve had and share some personal details about your background that don’t fit into the CV.

Program Directors reading your Personal Statement want to know:

• Why you love the specialty you’re applying to
• How your strengths, experiences, and background align with the specialty
• How you will be an asset to the program
• Enough about who you are/your personality to determine if you’re a good fit for their program’s culture

If you can convey answers to those items in the recommended 750-800 words, you’ve put together a strong statement.

The Personal Statement is NOT meant to be a creative writing piece with lots of dialogue and dramatic details. Is it okay to include some meaningful or impactful dialogue? Definitely! Can you share an emotional experience using colorful words? Absolutely! But you should do so with careful consideration of the purpose of such elements and how they fit into the overarching purpose of the document. Dialogue and drama should not dominate the entire Personal Statement. They should be used sparingly (this is how they have the most impact anyway). When using these elements, it is crucial not to be cliché or to go overboard.

The Personal Statement is NOT a five-paragraph themed essay (like the ones you wrote in college). There is no need for a formal thesis statement and you can definitely have less or more than five paragraphs!

Writer’s Tip: Paragraphs should be of varied length (and never more than 10 lines, which often leads readers to skim). This makes the document more appealing to your readers. The same goes for sentences. Most people tend to write sentences of the same length, but a document flows better when it contains very short sentences, medium sentences, and long, compound sentences. Just like the ones in this paragraph!

Introduction

Like any good piece of writing, the introduction will capture your reader’s attention and make them want to keep reading. Most online sources will give similar suggestions for achieving this goal: Start with a shocking statistic! Open with a famous quote! Begin with a dramatic element that will keep your reader guessing until they reach the end! These strategies don’t work for the personal statement.

Here’s why:

Program Directors are not your typical reader. They are not likely to be reading for entertainment. They are likely to be reading with a purpose in mind: to learn about you. This means your introduction should be all about you . Whether you choose to open with a story about your childhood or teen years, an experience during rotations, or the reason you chose to pursue medicine, aim to keep your reading thinking about you.

Your introduction should also:

• Open with a short to medium-length sentence (1 to 15 words; yes, a one-word sentence can work!)
• Explicitly state the specialty you’re applying to
• Not be longer than 8 lines (this could be 6 sentences or 16; it’s the visual length that matters, not the number of sentences)

Body Paragraphs

Each of your body paragraphs should be focused on one main theme, and that theme should be implied or clearly stated in the opening sentence of the paragraph. Trying to cram more than one main point into a paragraph just doesn’t work. Your reader will lose focus and get lost.

Transition Sentences

Transitions sentences are the first and last of each paragraph (with the exception of your opening line). For example, the last sentence of your first paragraph and the first sentence of your second paragraph are transition sentences. These two sentences should complement each other and connect in some way. This helps with the flow of the document and allows your reader to follow along with the content.

Overall Organization

While each paragraph is important in its own right, the overall organization and flow of the Personal Statement is key to ensuring it is read in its entirety. There are different organizational approaches:

• Chronological: in order of time
• Relevancy: most relevant topics first
• Significance: most important topics first

The right approach for you is the one that works with your content.

Writer’s Tip: When you sit down to write your Personal Statement (or anything for that matter), don’t force yourself to write the introduction first, and then the second paragraph, followed by the third, etc.. Write whatever feels easiest first, because writing leads to more writing. If you have lots of ideas about why you chose your specialty, get that paragraph going! If you know how you want to close the statement, write the ending first! Writing is a process, and good writing always involves revision, so don’t force an orderly approach. Embrace the chaos, and let your thoughts flow.

Purpose of the closing paragraph

Your final paragraph is likely what your readers are going to remember the most, so it’s important to end strong. This means you should not summarize your Personal Statement (the document is too short to necessitate that). Instead, you should confidently tell your readers why they should choose you:

• What do you bring to the table?
• How will you help the program shine?
• How are you different than other applicants?

Just like the introduction, this paragraph shouldn’t exceed 8 lines and should start, and end, with a short to medium-length sentence.

And there you have it – the Personal Statement from start to finish! We hope this blog has helped answer any questions you have about composing your Residency Personal Statement! If you’re considering professional help with drafting or editing your Personal Statement, visit Residency Statement’s website or email us at support@residencystatement.com .

Related Posts

Engaging Body Paragraphs in Residency Personal Statements

Updating your Personal Statement for SOAP

The Number One Way to Make or Break Your Personal Statement

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• ERAS Personal Statement Length: How to Say More with Less
• 7 Essential Residency Personal Statement Components for a Winning Application
• Crafting a Cohesive Application: Aligning Your Personal Statement with LORs
• Why Writing Your Residency Personal Statement Early Pays Off
• Residency Interview Planning: How To Plan Cost-Effective Trips
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• Tips and Hints

First off, what’s the purpose of a personal statement?

What topics can i write about, how do i decide what to focus on, in my college essay, okay, i’ve got my personal statement topic. but now i have to actually write it. 😱what do i do .

• Do you have personal statement examples? 

Now it’s your turn.

Your personal statement should share something about who you are, something that can’t be found in your resume or transcript.

For colleges:

• It should paint a picture for colleges to understand who we are and what we bring to the table. This is why it’s often better to tell a story, or give examples, rather than just list accomplishments.
• It should complement the other parts of your application. Consider your college application as a whole. Your personal statement, application short answers, and supporting documentation should together tell a story about who you are. This also means not being super repetitive with your personal statement and your short essays. (For instance, if you have to answer 3 questions AND submit a personal statement, maybe they shouldn’t ALL focus on music.)

For scholarship applications:

• It should indicate why you’re deserving of the scholarship. This often means making sure your essay relates to the scholarship provider’s goals. (Get more help on writing a killer scholarship essay here , and then make sure you’re applying as efficiently as possible. )
• It should showcase your strengths. This doesn’t mean it can’t acknowledge any weaknesses, but it surely shouldn’t only focus on negative aspects!

It can be overwhelming to figure out where to start. First, figure out what your choices are. Some colleges may have very specific college essay prompts. That said, many students apply using the Common App, which this year offers these 7 topics to choose from : 

• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? ( Psst – If you choose this topic, you can sign up for Going Merry and apply for a scholarship bundle : one essay, multiple scholarships! )
• Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
• Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
• Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
• Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
• Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

You’ll notice that #7 is a catch-all that allows you to submit any personal statement about anything at all . 

So maybe that doesn’t help you narrow it down. 

Here’s a 3-step solution:

STEP 1. Brainstorm about your life

Dedicate 5-10 minutes each to brainstorming about these 4 sets of questions.

You can do this by yourself (writing down your thoughts), or do this exercise out loud with a friend or family member, and then jot down notes as you’re talking. If you “think out loud” better than you do on paper, brainstorming with someone else may be the way to go! 

(A) What were defining moments in your life?

How did these moments in your life changed you, what did you learn from it, and how has it shaped your future plans? Some topics might include:

• An accident or injury
• A best friend you made (or lost)
• A defining talk with a peer
• Something new you tried for the first time
• Revealing a sexual or gender identity, to friends or family
• Discovering something about your family ( e.g., see Jesus’s story )
• Moving to a new city
• Traveling somewhere, or learning about a new culture ( e.g., see Gabby’s story )
• Your first pet (new responsibilities as a fur mom or dad)

(B) What have you chosen to spend time on?

Remember to focus not just on the what , but also the why – What were your motivations? How did you feel? What have you learned? Some topics on this might include: 

• The moment you joined band, color guard, or the soccer team. 
• A time you struggled with that activity – e.g., Maybe you got passed over for captain of the soccer? Or maybe you got an injury and had to sit out on the sidelines? 
• Maybe a moment you really fell in love with that activity – e.g. Maybe the first time you investigated a story for the school newspaper and realized journalism was your calling?

(C) Whom or what are you inspired by?

How did you find out about this person or thing? Why are you inspired? In what ways are you inspired? Is there anything that inspiration has made you do (e.g. join a club, do an activity or internship on the topic)? Some topics on this might include: 

• Technology – Maybe a specific App made you inspired to learn to code? 
• Person in your life – Maybe meeting someone (or knowing someone in your family) has affected you? 
• A show, movie, book, or podcast that inspired you to look at life differently
• A dance or song that has made you interested in performing arts

(D) What are you proud of?

Make a list of all the things you’re proud of. These can be milestones, hobbies, qualities, or quirks that are what make you, you. Topics to consider might be:

• Times you saved the day – like that epic left-handed catch you made on the field
• Personal qualities – Maybe you’re really funny, or amazingly calm under pressure. What are some examples of times when you showed those qualities?
• Random life things you’re amazing at – Baking a mean chocolate brownie. Guessing how many gumballs are in a jar. Tell a story when that amazing talent was handy!

Don’t worry if some of your ideas repeat between sections. This is just a way to get ideas flowing! 

STEP 2. Shortlist your ideas

Identify your strongest ideas out of the bunch. This should probably be very few (2-4).

STEP 3. Freewrite about your possible essay topics.

Once you’ve brainstormed some ideas and identified 2-4 winners, we agree with Find the Right College – just start freewriting! Start by writing a few sentences or paragraphs about any of your shortlisted topics, and let the words flow. Write for about 15 minutes, on each shortlisted topic. Don’t worry about structure or organization – this is just an exercise so you feel comfortable getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. 

It will also allow you to see which of the topics seems to have the most “legs” — often, you’ll notice that your best topic will:

• Be the easiest to write about (those 15 minutes flew by!)
• Lead you to tell at least one interesting story
• Feel like it genuinely reveals something important about who you are
• Not be captured easily by other parts of your application (you’ll need a full 500 words to really be able to tackle this meaty topic)

Well, let’s start here: What makes a personal statement good or even great ?

Here are some things to keep in mind: 

1. Get personal.

Remember the “personal” in personal statement. We all have a story to tell, and we all have a different journey that led us to where we are today. We might think “someone already wrote about this” or we might think our story isn’t unique, but IT IS.

2. Speak like you.

Write your personal statement in a genuine tone that reflects who you are . There’s no right or wrong tone – just make sure your tone represents YOU. This means, in particular, not using big words just to show off. Often, this just seems like you’re trying to hard. (Or, even worse, you accidentally use the word incorrectly!)

3. Think about your audience.

Who will you be writing your personal statement for? What message do you want to convey? If it’s for to the college admissions committee, how do you show you’ll align well with the culture of the school? If it’s for a scholarship provider, how do you show you support their mission?

4. Hit the big three: Story, Implication, Connection to college/major.

Most successful college essays do at least 3 things: 

• Mention at least one anecdote or story. (“Show, don’t tell.”)
• Explain why that anecdote or story is important to who you are.
• End (or begin) by connecting this information, to why you are applying to this specific college. This may include information about the major (why you think their department/program is great), or more general information about what attracts you to the school (e.g., location, sports, extracurricular activities, Greek life). Get specific so the school knows you’re really interested in them! This is the one piece of your personal statement that probably shouldn’t be cut & paste.

Here’s an example of how to use that personal essay template:

• Story: When I was 11, my family traveled to Italy and visited museums — one specific painting made me fall in love with art. ( 1-2 paragraphs )
• Why important: After that trip, I did lots of art and studied lots of art. Mention specific extracurriculars. ( 3 paragraphs )
• Why this college: I want to apply to X college because of its excellent art program, which I can also complement by joining Y and Z clubs. Since it’s in New York, it’ll also offer my the opportunity to visit the countless art museums like MOMA. ( 1 paragraph )

5. Hit the length.

Make sure you keep within the required length. Normally if you aim for 500 words, you’re golden. Some college or scholarship applications will allow you to write up to 600 or 650 words.

6. Edit your work.

Once you’ve written your personal statement, step away from it. There was a time when we used to rely on pencil and paper to write down all of our ideas and information (including first-draft college essays). Now, we mainly rely on screens, so our eyes grow tired, causing us to miss typos and grammar mistakes.

So save that document in an easy-to-find folder on your computer. Then stepping away from your computer and taking a break helps relax your mind and body and then refocus when you come back to edit the document.

( Psst – If you’re applying for scholarships with Going Merry, we’ve got built-in spellcheck, and we allow you to save essays in your documents folder, so no work will get lost! )

We can’t stress this one enough: Don’t submit your personal statement without checking your spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.! All the grammar things! Your personal statement reflects who you are, from the topic you choose to the style you write it in, so impress colleges (or scholarship providers) with excellent structure and great grammar!

7. Then, ask someone else to edit it too.

We recommend asking a friend, counselor, or parent to read your personal statement before you submit the document. One more set of eyes will really help you get a second opinion on the tone, writing quality, and overall representation of who you are in your personal statement.

8. Be brave, and hit that “submit” button on your personal statement!

Finally, when everything is completed, click submit! Don’t hold back!

9. Remember, personal statements for your college app, can also be reused as scholarship essays.

Get double-use out of your personal statement. Going Merry is your home for all things scholarships–fill out a profile, get matched to eligible scholarships, and apply. You can even save essays so that you can easily upload the same one for multiple scholarship applications. (We were inspired by the Common App to make applying for scholarships easier.)

Register for an account here , get the full lowdown on how it works , or just sign up for the newsletter below (to get 20 scholarship opportunities delivered to our inbox each each week!).

Do you have personal statement examples ? 

Oh yes we do. First, here are some excerpts of personal statements from members of our very own Going Merry team!

Charlie Maynard, Going Merry CEO – wrote about what matters most to him and why, for his grad school application.

• The open paragraph read: “Being open to new ideas and able to take advantage of opportunities is what is most important to me. The most extraordinary times in my life have come as a result of moments when I’ve seized opportunities. This has been evident in my educational life, my travels around the world and my professional career.”
• This anchored the main topic of his essay. He then went on to explain examples.

Charlotte Lau, Going Merry Head of Growth – wrote for her college Common App personal statement:

“As a child, I was never close with my father, though we were always on good terms. He made me laugh and taught me all the things that made me into a young tomboy: what an RBI is, how to correctly hook a fish when I feel it biting, what to bring on a camping trip. But whenever I was upset, he wouldn’t know how to comfort me. He is a man of jokes and words, not of comforting motions.

But as I grew older and I too became infatuated with words—albeit in written form—our topics of conversation became more diverse and often more profound. We continued to watch sports games together, but during commercials, we’d have epistemological and ethical discussions more fitting for a philosophy class than a chat during a Knicks’ time-out. During these talks, my father would insert stories about his youth. They’d always be transitory or anecdotal, told as if they were beside the point. Still, I’d eagerly commit them to memory, and, over time, I began to get a sense of who my father was—and, in turn, who I am.”

Now, here are some excerpts from other sample personal statements:

These 3 are college essays about personal characteristics:

Essay 1: Humorous essay about getting a D and learning a lesson

“Getting a D probably isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s not something anyone wants to see, let alone put, on a college application. It came back to me, scrawled in red, on the first big history test of the year. The one the teacher had assured us was a third of our grade. I could already see my chances of a four-year college going up in smoke and my school year hadn’t even started yet.

What happened? I’m not a D student. I’ll get the occasional C as well as the occasional A. D’s are out of character for me, and enough of a stomach punch to really get my attention. The short version is, I didn’t study, and I don’t remember precisely why. There is always a reason not to study, isn’t there? I didn’t study and I went into a test woefully unprepared and got beaten up.

I had two options here. I could accept that I was in fact a D student despite what I had thought. Or I could study hard for the next test and try to bring my grade up by the force of the average.”

Essay 2: Why a talent (in this case, one at football) is also a responsibility

“Talent is not remarkable. It’s usually the first thing anyone compliments. “You’re so talented.” It doesn’t mean what they think it means. It doesn’t mean I worked hard. It means I was lucky, or blessed, or anything else you want to call it.

I have talent. I’ve known since I was old enough to hold a football. The game just makes intuitive sense to me. The pathways of the players, both my team and the others, where the ball has to go, and what I’m doing. In the silence before a snap, I’m already playing out what is going to happen, watching the holes in my lines, tracing the route of my receivers. […]

It is far too easy to view talent as an excuse. For me, it is a motivator. For my talent, I will accept nothing less than a dream that only a tiny percentage of people ever get to experience. To get there, I’m willing to work hard and wring every last accomplishment from myself.

Talent is a responsibility. Because you had nothing to do with acquiring it, you are compelled to achieve every last bit you can with it. While I had grown used to thinking varsity would be it, that was not the case. Now, I can focus on the goal while I accomplish the steps.”

Essay 3: On living with depression

“Before I was diagnosed, I had been told it was a normal part of growing up. I was told that teens are moody. I would grow out of it. I couldn’t imagine anyone growing out of what I was feeling. I couldn’t imagine anyone surviving.

Diagnosis and medication have saved my life, allowing me to see the world as people without my brain chemistry would. […] what I found was a place of tiny kindnesses.

It might sound bad—as though kindness can only exist in the smallest forms. This is not what I mean. There are extraordinary people out there who devote their lives to doing very large, very important things for others. I’m not talking about them, partially because they are extraordinary. They are not the norm.

What is normal are the tiny kindnesses. These do not cost a person much of anything. A slice of time, a moment of openness, and little else. They are a smile when you’re feeling down, a comforting hand on the shoulder, a moment to talk.”

And here are 3 college personal statements, about what drove their interest in their intended major: 

Essay 4: On why this applicant wants to study music

“My great-great-uncle Giacomo Ferrari was born in 1912 in Neverland, NY, the youngest of four sons. His parents had emigrated from Italy with his two eldest brothers in the early 1900s in search of a better life in America. Their struggles as immigrants are in themselves inspiring, but the challenges they faced are undoubtedly similar to those that many other immigrant families had to overcome; because of this, the actions that my relatives embarked upon are that much more extraordinary. Giacomo’s oldest brother Antonio, my great-grandfather, decided to take a correspondence course in violin, and to teach his youngest brother Giacomo how to play as well. Giacomo Ferrari eventually became an accomplished violinist and started a free “Lunchtime Strings” program for all the elementary schools in the Neverland area, giving free violin lessons and monthly concerts.

As a native English speaker who has had the privilege of studying viola and violin with trained, private teachers, I can only imagine the perseverance it took for my great-grandfather and great-great uncle to learn an instrument like the violin out of booklets and lessons that were not even written in their native language. Their passion and dedication to learning something new, something not part of their lives as blue-collar, immigrant workers, and their desire to share it with others, has inspired me as a musician and a person. It is this spirit that has motivated me to pursue an MA at Composition at the University of XXX.”

Essay 5: On why this applicant wants to be an allergy specialist

“Suddenly I started scratching my neck, feeling the hives that had started to form. I rushed to the restroom to throw up because my throat was itchy and I felt a weight on my chest. I was experiencing anaphylactic shock, which prevented me from taking anything but shallow breaths. I was fighting the one thing that is meant to protect me and keep me alive – my own body.

[…] After that incident, I began to fear. I became scared of death, eating, and even my own body. As I grew older, I became paranoid about checking food labels and I avoided eating if I didn’t know what was in the food. I knew what could happen if I ate one wrong thing, and I wasn’t willing to risk it for a snack. Ultimately, that fear turned into resentment; I resented my body for making me an outsider.

In the years that followed, this experience and my regular visits to my allergy specialist inspired me to become an allergy specialist. Even though I was probably only ten at the time, I wanted to find a way to help kids like me. I wanted to find a solution so that nobody would have to feel the way I did; nobody deserved to feel that pain, fear, and resentment. As I learned more about the medical world, I became more fascinated with the body’s immune responses, specifically, how a body reacts to allergens.”

Essay 6 : On why this applicant wants to study medicine  

“My passion for teaching others and sharing knowledge emanates from my curiosity and love for learning. My shadowing experiences in particular have stimulated my curiosity and desire to learn more about the world around me. How does platelet rich plasma stimulate tissue growth? How does diabetes affect the proximal convoluted tubule? My questions never stopped. I wanted to know everything and it felt very satisfying to apply my knowledge to clinical problems. distinct concepts together to form a coherent picture truly attracts me to medicine.

It is hard to separate science from medicine; in fact, medicine is science. However, medicine is also about people—their feelings, struggles and concerns. Humans are not pre-programmed robots that all face the same problems. Humans deserve sensitive and understanding physicians. Humans deserve doctors who are infinitely curious, constantly questioning new advents in medicine. They deserve someone who loves the challenge of problem solving and coming up with innovative individualized solutions. I want to be that physician. I want to be able to approach each case as a unique entity and incorporate my strengths into providing personalized care for my patients. Until that time, I may be found Friday mornings in the operating room, peering over shoulders, dreaming about the day I get to hold the drill.”

You made it this far. Now, it’s time to write your personal statement!

Ready to reuse your personal statement for scholarship applications? Sign up for Going Merry today for free to keep track of your scholarship applications and essays. We’re your one-stop shop for scholarship searches and applications.

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Last updated August 7, 2024

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Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

What’s that old saying? “The best way to learn is by doing.” Well, we believe that, in personal statements and in life, cliches like this should be avoided. That's why we recommend reading some example essays before you start writing your own.

Now, before we get into our examples, we should quickly talk about what admissions officers look for in personal statements in the first place.

What does an admissions officer look for in a personal statement?

Before we get to the essays, let’s briefly walk through what goes through an admissions officer’s head when they open an application.

Admissions officers (AOs) read hundreds to thousands of applications in a single year. Different institutions require admissions officers to use different criteria when evaluating applications, so the specifics will vary by school. Your entire application should cohere to form a seamless narrative . You'll be crafting that narrative across the following categories:

• Transcripts and course rigor : AOs look at the classes you’ve taken to assess how much you’ve challenged yourself based on the classes your school offers. They’re also looking at how well you've done in these classes each term.
• Extracurricular activities : When reading through your activities list, AOs look at the activities you’ve done, how many years you’ve participated in them, and how many hours a week you devote to them. They’re assessing your activities for the levels of magnitude, impact, and reach that they demonstrate. (Want to know more about these terms? Check out our extracurricular impact post .)
• Background information : This background information briefly tells admissions officers about demographic and family information, your school context, and any honors or awards you’ve received.
• Letters of recommendation : Letters of recommendation give AOs insight into who you are in the classroom.
• Essays : And, finally, the essays. Whether you’re writing a personal statement or a supplemental essay , essays are the main place AOs get to hear your voice and learn more about you. Your personal statement in particular is the place where you get to lay out your overall application narrative and say something meaningful about your personal strengths.

So, with all that in mind, what does an admissions officer actually look for when reading your personal statement?

A few traits tend to surface across the best personal statements, no matter the topic or format. There are four primary areas you should focus on as you craft your personal statement.

• Strengths : AOs want to know about your strengths. That doesn’t mean bragging about your accomplishments, but it does mean writing about a topic that lets you showcase something positive about yourself.
• Personal meaning : Personal statements shouldn’t be fluff. They shouldn’t be history essays. They should be personal essays that ooze meaning. The topic you choose should show something significant about yourself that the admissions officers won’t get from any other part of your application.
• Authenticity and vulnerability : These characteristics can be the most difficult to achieve. Being “vulnerable” doesn’t mean airing all your dirty laundry. It means revealing something authentic and meaningful about who you are. To be vulnerable means to go beyond the surface level to put yourself out there, even to admissions officers who you’ve never met.
• Clear organization and writing : And lastly, admissions officers also want your essay to be organized clearly so it’s easy to follow along. Remember that admissions officers are reading lots of applications, even in one sitting. So you want to make your reader’s job as easy as possible. Thoughtful and skillful writing can also help take your personal statement to the next level.

If you want to know more about how to incorporate these traits into your own essay, we have a whole guide about how to write the perfect personal statement .

But for now, let’s get into the examples.

We’ve broken up the example personal statements into three categories: best personal statement examples, good personal statement examples, and “bad” personal statement examples. These categories show you that there is a spectrum of what personal statements can look like. The best examples are the gold standard. They meet or exceed all four of the main criteria admissions officers are looking for. The good examples are just that: good. They’re solid examples that may be lacking in a specific area but are still effective personal statements. The “bad” examples are those that don’t yet stack up to the expectations of a personal statement. They’re not objectively bad, but they need some specific improvements to align with what admissions officers are looking for.

Here we go!

The Best Personal Statement Examples

Writing an exceptional personal statement takes a lot of time and effort. Even the best writers can find the genre challenging. But when you strike the perfect chord and get it right, it’s almost like magic. Your essay jumps off the page and captures an admissions officer’s attention. They feel like you’re right there with them, telling them everything they need to know to vote “yes” on your admission.

The following essays are some of our favorites. They cover a range of topics, styles, and student backgrounds. But they all tell meaningful stories about the writers’ lives. They are well-organized, use vivid language, and speak to the writers’ strengths.

For each essay, our team of former admissions officers have offered comments about what makes the essay exceptional. Take a look through the annotations and feedback to see what lessons you can apply to your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #1: Reinvention

For our first example, which we’ve titled “Reinvention,” we’re going to watch Alex break the essay down paragraph by paragraph. This one’s really good. Let’s take a look.

As Alex explains, this essay takes a couple of (very beautiful!) paragraphs to get to its central message: reinvention. Once we reach that turning point, the writer seamlessly introduces us to their engineering interests, then returns again to their mother’s influence. The metaphor of “watermelon rinds” ties everything together. The writer comes across as a clever, thoughtful person—one we would surely want on our campus.

(Want to see more video examples and get personalized application and essay help? Let’s work together. )

Personal Statement Example #2: Thankful

My family has always been broke. Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings, always the same drill: the kids (my brothers and me) would be loaded in the car with my parents and off we’d all go to the food pantry. New clothes were few and far between, and going on vacation was something that we could only dream of. Despite our financial struggles, one year, my parents decided to surprise us with a trip to Disney Land. It was a complete shock to me and my siblings. We were over the moon. In fact, the screams of excitement that emanated from my younger brother’s mouth still ring in my ears.

But as the trip drew close, my excitement tempered and I began to worry. Being poor when you’re young doesn’t just affect you materially. It also affects how you see the world and loads you up with a whole range of anxieties that, in an ideal world, no child should have to face. How were my parents going to afford this, I wondered? Would an expense like this push us over the brink?(( The beginning of this essay, and especially this sentence, show the writer’s empathy. They are not selfish; they understand their broader family context and take that into consideration.)) I didn't want to ruin the surprise by asking, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread building inside of me.

The day of our trip arrived and we set off for the airport. In the car, my dad made an off-the-cuff comment about a new video game that he’d wanted to play but didn’t buy, and everything clicked—my parents had made the trip possible by saving for months, cutting back on expenses and sacrificing their own comforts to make the trip happen.

As we boarded the plane, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was grateful beyond words for my parents' sacrifice, but I was also overwhelmed by the guilt of knowing that they had given up so much for us. I didn't know how to express my gratitude; when we deplaned in LAX, I gave my mom and dad a rib-crushing hug.

The trip itself was everything that I had dreamed of and more. We spent four magical days at Disney Land(( Nice use of vivid details here. The reader can picture the sights and smells of Disney—and the ensuing hunger when passing a churro stand.)) , speed running the roller coasters and campy boat rides from the 70s. Sure, we packed our own food and walked right by the churro stands with a hungry look in our eyes. But I will never forget the feeling of unmitigated joy that my family shared on that trip, the smiles that painted my parents’ faces.

But the trip itself was nothing compared to the gratitude I felt for my parents(( Here, the writer transitions to reintroducing the theme of gratitude.)) . They had given us the gift of a lifetime, and I knew that I would never be able to repay them for their sacrifice.

In the years since that trip, I have carried that feeling of gratitude with me. It has motivated me to work hard and to always strive to be the best person that I can be. I want to make my parents proud and to show them that their sacrifice was worth it(( Finally, the writer sums things up with an eye to the future. It’s helpful for an admission officer to picture what the essay’s lessons might mean for the student as a future community member.)) .

I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for what my parents did for us, but I will always remember their selflessness and their willingness to put their own needs aside for the sake of our happiness. It was a truly surprising and incredible act of love, and one that I will always be thankful for.

AO Notes on Thankful

This essay accomplishes a few things even though it essentially tells one story and offers a quick reflection. It gives some important context regarding the challenges of being from a lower-income family. It does that in a way that is authentic, rather than problem-focused. It also shows that the writer is empathetic, family-oriented, and reflective.

Why this essay stands out:

• Vulnerability : This essay is upfront about a challenging topic: financial insecurity. While you don’t have to tell your most difficult challenge in an essay, this writer chose to write about a circumstance that gives additional context that may be helpful as admissions considers their application.
• Personal : The writer gets into some family dynamics and paints a picture of how their family treats and takes care of each other.
• Values: We clearly see some values the writer has and that they don’t take their parents’ sacrifices for granted. As an admission officer, I can picture this student using their education to give back—to their family or to others.

Personal Statement Example #3: Pickleball

I’ve always been one to have a good attitude no matter the circumstances. Except when it comes to exercise. From dodgeball in PE class to family Turkey Trots, I’m always the first one out and the last one across the finish line. These realities aren’t from a lack of skill—I’m actually quite coordinated and fast. They are from a lack of effort(( This is a quick hit of… either humor or vulnerability. I chuckled at the blunt honesty, and am intrigued to learn more.)) . Despite my best intentions, I can never get myself to care about sports or competitions. So when my dad first asked me to be his pickleball partner last summer, I did nothing but laugh.

But soon, I realized that he was serious. My dad started playing pickleball two years ago as a fun way to exercise. He’d become a star in our city’s recreation league, and I always enjoyed cheering him on from the sidelines. When his doubles partner got relocated for work, my dad decided that the disruption was a good opportunity for us bond through pickleball. Even though I was mortified by the thought of running back and forth to hit a bouncing ball, I reluctantly agreed.

The next Saturday morning, we went to the court for our first practice. I was wearing sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, and a grimace. My dad showed me how to hold the paddle, serve, and return the ball to our opponents. He told me about staying out of the kitchen—an endearing pickleball term that references the “kitchen,” or the middle part of the court—trying to make me laugh. Instead, I sighed impatiently and walked to my end of the court, ready to get it over with.

My dad remained patient in spite of my bad attitude. He gently served me the ball, and I gave a lackluster attempt to return it. The ball bounced into the net. I hadn’t even made it to his side of the court. Trying his best to encourage me, my dad gave me the ball so I could serve it to him instead. I tossed the ball up and hit it underhand toward my dad. It hit the net again. I tried again and again, each attempt with less care than the last. I grew frustrated and threw my paddle down in anger(( Okay, this paragraph gives a good dose of openness to the emotions of the writer. They’ve served up an opportunity to learn a lesson soon…)) .

After seeing my mini-meltdown, my dad crossed the kitchen to talk to me. During our conversation, I began to ask myself why I got so frustrated when I wasn’t trying very hard in the first place. I thought pickleball was a miserable sport, but I realized that it wasn’t pickleball that I cared about. I cared about my dad. I wanted to make him proud(( Ah, and there it is! A realization. As the admission officer I’m thinking, “Go on…”)) . Playing pickleball with him was the least I could do to thank him for everything he’d done for me. I dusted off my bad attitude alongside my paddle, and I got up to try another serve.

That serve hit the net again. But more determined now, I kept trying until my serves went over the net and through my dad’s weak side. I couldn’t believe it. My attitude adjustment helped me see the game for what it was: a game. It wasn’t supposed to be agonizing or cruel. It was supposed to be fun.

I learned that my attitude towards sports was unacceptable. This experience taught me that it’s okay to have preferences about what you enjoy, but it’s important to always maintain a positive attitude(( And the lesson learned! )) . You may just enjoy it after all.

Now my dad and I are both stars in our recreation league. Soon, we will make our way to our league’s semi-finals. We’ve worked our way through the bracket and are close to the championship. What I appreciate more about this experience, however, is how close it’s brought my dad and I together. His patience, positivity, and persistence have and will always inspire me. I want to be more like him every day, especially on the pickleball court.

AO Notes on Pickleball

This is a strong “attitude adjustment” essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. The writer takes us on a witty journey through their own attitude towards organized athletic activities and their father.

• Self-aware : Similar to the vulnerability of other essays, this writer is willing to criticize themselves by recognizing that they need an attitude adjustment. Even before they changed their attitude, we get the sense that they are at least aware of their own lack of effort.
• Strong conclusion : We see a nice lesson at the end that relates both to having an open mind and caring for others. They even make a point about simply enjoying things because they are fun.
• Life lesson : Beyond the stated lesson, as an admission officer with a few more years on this Earth than the writer, I can tell this lesson will apply beyond sports. In fact, I can easily picture this student trying a new class, club, or group of friends in college because they are now more open to novel experiences.

Personal Statement Example #4: The Bird Watcher

I’m an avid walker and bird watcher(( Okay, the writer gets right into it! I think this simple introduction of the topic works well because they are writing about a less common hobby among teenagers. If they had said “I am an avid baseball player”, I would have been less eager to learn more.)) . Growing up, I’d clear my head by walking along the trail in the woods behind my house. By the time I was immersed in the chaos of high school, these walks became an afternoon routine. Now, every day at three o’clock, I don my jacket and hiking shoes and set off. As I walk, I note the flora and fauna around me. The wind whispering through the trees, the quiet rustling of a chipmunk underfoot, and the high-pitched call of robins perched atop branches, all of it brings me back to life after a difficult day.

And recently, the days have been more difficult than not. My grandparents passing, parents divorcing, and doctor diagnosing me with ADHD have presented me with more challenges than I’ve ever experienced before. But no matter what’s going on in my life, the wildlife on my walks brings me peace. As an aspiring ornithologist, the birds are my favorite(( This paragraph accomplishes a lot: a montage of difficult circumstances, context for their application, and declares their future career.)) .

I became interested in ornithology during long childhood afternoons spent at my grandparents’ house. They would watch me while my parents finished up work. I’d listen to the old bird clock that hung on the wall in the kitchen. Each number on the clock corresponded with a different bird. Every hour, the clock would chirp rather than chime. When the cardinal sang, I knew my parents would be arriving soon. Those chirps are all seared into my memory.

Twelve o’clock: robin. The short, fast, almost laugh-like sound of the robin always makes me hungry. All those Saturday afternoons filled with laughter and good food have resulted in a Pavlovian response. I’d cook meatballs with my grandma, splashing sauce on her floral wall paper. We’d laugh and laugh and enjoy the meal together at her plastic-covered kitchen table. This wasn’t my home, but I felt at home just the same.

Three o’clock: blue jay. It’d chime as soon as we walked in the door after school. The blue jay was my grandpa’s favorite. It was also mine. Why he loved it, I’m not completely sure. But it was my favorite because it marked the beginning of the best parts of my day. Symbolizing strength and confidence, blue jays always remind me of my grandpa.

Six o’clock: cardinal. The sharp whistle and staccato of the cardinal indicated that it was almost time for me to leave. Like the whistle of a closing shift, I’d hear it and start to pack my things. The cardinal has always been my least favorite.

Nine o’clock: house finch. The high, sweet, almost inquisitive call of the house finch was the one my grandma loved most. It was also the one I rarely heard. Either too early or too late in the day, the house finch was reserved for the occasional weekends when I’d spend the night at their house. My grandma would explain that finches symbolize harmony and peace. They are petite but mighty, just like she was(( This is a clever and sweet way of describing summer days with grandparents, while sprinkling in some vivid details to bring the story to life.)) .

This past weekend was the anniversary of my grandpa’s passing. Longing for my grandparents, I went for a walk. Winter is approaching, so the sky was darkening quickly. I walked slowly. As the sun set, I heard the tell-tale squawk of a blue jay, loud and piercing through the chill of the wind. I looked around and saw it sitting on an old stump, a small house finch behind it. I extracted my binoculars from my backpack, hoping to get a better glimpse through the dark. I turned the dial to focus the lenses, just as the birds flew away together. I took a deep breath, binoculars in hand, and continued on, spotting a robin in the distance(( The ending stylistically wraps the essay up without tying a bow on it. It’s a more artful way of concluding, and it works well here.)) .

AO Notes on Birdwatcher

This first two paragraphs are well-written and fairly to-the-point in their language. They do a nice job of setting the scene, but the third paragraph transitions into the writer’s distinctive voice. They detail the birds on the clock to chronicle the hours of their summer days and end, not without concluding, but leaving the reader wanting to read more of their stories.

• Voice: The writer transitions to writing in their own distinct voice, which comes to a crescendo in the final paragraph.
• Interesting approach: Sometimes students use an approach to tell a story that feels overly forced or cliche. This one feels organic and relates nicely to the writer, their family, and the story as a whole.
• Career path : This is far from a “What I want to be when I grow up” essay, but it clearly shows an academic interest grounded in family and childhood memories. This is an artistic and beautiful approach to showing admissions how the writer may use their college education.

Personal Statement Example #5: Chekov’s Wig

At the age of six, I starred in an at-home, one-woman production of Annie. My family watched as I switched between a wig I’d fashioned from maroon yarn, a dog’s tail leftover from Halloween, and a tie I’d stolen from my dad.

When the reveal came that Annie’s parents had actually passed away, I took a creative liberty: they had left Annie a small unicorn farm. The rest of the play proceeded as normal. When the curtain closed, I bowed to the sound of my family’s applause. But one set of hands was missing: my grandmother’s. Instead she sat, arms raised, and jokingly exclaimed, “But what about the unicorns?”(( Wow, an interesting intro! We see creativity and a silly side to the writer. As the admission officer, I’m eager to see where this leads.))

My grandma, an avid thespian, taught me a lot about life. But one of the most important lessons followed this production of Annie . After we laughed about her remark, she introduced me to the concept of Chekov’s gun. For Anton Chekov, brilliant playwright, the theory goes something like this: a writer shouldn’t write about a loaded gun if it’s not going to be fired. In other words, writers shouldn’t include details about something if it won’t serve a purpose in the story later. My unicorn farm had committed this writing faux pas egregiously.

I’m not a natural writer, and I have no goal to become one, but I’ve taken this concept of Chekov’s gun to heart—it forms the foundation of my life philosophy. I don’t believe that everything was meant to be(( This philosophical reflection is a nice introduction to the paragraphs that follow. )) . In fact, I think that sometimes bad things just happen. But I believe that these details will always play a part in our larger story.

The first test of my Chekov’s gun philosophy occurred shortly after Annie when my grandma, my biggest supporter, passed away. My family tried to console me saying that “it was her time to go,” but I disagreed. I couldn’t see how a death could be destined. Instead, I found comfort knowing that her presence, her support, and her death wasn’t for nothing. Like Chekov’s gun, I wasn’t quite sure how or why, but I knew that she would return for me.

As I grew older, my philosophy was tested time and again. Most recently, I fell back on Chekov’s gun as I coped with my parents’ divorce and my subsequent move to a new town. Both events shattered my world. My happy family theatre productions turned into custody hearings and overnight bags. The community I’d found at my old school became a sea of unfamiliar faces at my new one. None of this was meant to be. But as the writer of my own life, I won’t let the details become inconsequential.

I’ve used these events as plot points in my high school experience. Dealing with my parents’ divorce has taught me how to make the best of what’s given to me. I got the chance to decorate two bedrooms, live in both the suburbs and the city, and even have twice the amount of pets. And without the inciting incident of the divorce and move(( We see that the writer is able to make lemonade out of lemons here.)) , I never would have joined a new drama club or landed leading roles in Mama Mia and Twelfth Night. The divorce and move, like Chekov’s gun, have been crucial details in getting me where I’m at today.

I know that Chekov’s gun is more about the details in a story, but this philosophy empowers me to take what happens, the good and the bad, as part of my personal character development. Nothing would be happening if it weren’t important.

This summer, as we cleaned our garage in preparation for yet another move, I found my old Annie wig, yarn tangled from the box. Next to the wig was a note, handwritten in a script I’d recognize anywhere. My darling star, it read. You are going to go on to do great things. Love, Grandma ((And a sweet, or bittersweet, conclusion.)) .

AO Notes on Chekov’s Wig

This essay tells a beautiful story about a foundational philosophy in this young writer’s life. As their admission officer, I can see how grounded and positive they are. I can also imagine them taking this lesson to college: really paying attention to life, reflecting on the past, and understanding the value of even the smallest instances. There is an inherent maturity in this essay.

• Creativity: From the first few sentences, we can see that this student is now, and was as a child, creative. An original thinker.
• Reflective: When challenged by their grandmother, the writer didn’t insist that their way was correct. They took the criticism in stride and absorbed it as a salient life lesson. This shows open-mindedness and an uncommon level of maturity.
• Silver linings: It’s clear that this young writer has had some familial challenges that are likely familiar to some of you. They don’t gloss over them, but instead they learn from them. From having more pets to starring in the school musicals, there are lessons to glean from even life’s more difficult challenges.

Personal Statement Example #6: An Afternoon with Grandmother

The Buddhist temple on the hillside above my home has always possessed a deep power for me. With its towering spires and intricate carvings thousands of years old, it is a place of peace and serenity(( This writer opens with some wonderful imagery. I like how the imagery mirrors the meaning.)) —somewhere I can go to escape the chaos of the world and connect with myself and with my sense of spirituality. When my grandmother called me one January to let me know that she would be coming to visit, I smiled, my mind darting immediately to the temple and to the visit of it we would take together.

My relationship with my grandmother is a special one. After my parents passed away, she and my grandfather raised me for three years before I moved in with my father’s sister. In that time, she was my sole companion; she shared her recipes with me, told me stories, and most importantly, she taught me everything I know about spirituality. We spent countless nights staying up past bed-time, talking about the teachings of the Buddha, and she encouraged me gently to explore my own path to enlightenment(( This topic is accomplishing a lot: we see the writer’s relationship with their grandmother, their personal values, and their ideas about who they want to be in the future.)) .

When my grandmother finally arrived, I felt bathed in a warm glow. After catching up and preparing her favorite meal—red rice with miso soup and hot green tea—I told her about the plans I had for us to visit my special place.

Later that afternoon, as we entered the temple, I felt the calmness and tranquility wash over me. I took my grandmother's hand and led her to the main hall, where we knelt before the altar and began to recite the prayers and mantras that I had learned from her years before.

As we prayed, our voices joined together, echoing throughout the temple. A gentle rain began to fall outside and, as the cold crept around where we knelt, I was engulfed by a deep sense of connection with my grandmother and with the universe. It was as if the barriers between us were falling away, and we were becoming one—with each other, and with our shared connection to the divine.

We finished our prayers and sat in silence, lingering in the serenity of the temple. I could feel my grandmother's hand in mine, and I was filled with a sense of gratitude and love(( A great example of weaving vivid language with explicit reflection!)) .

Spirituality has been essential in my life. It gives me a sense of grounding and purpose, and it teaches me the value of compassion. My spirituality has also given me a way to connect with my grandmother on a deeper level—like a private language that only we speak together. In a world that can often feel chaotic and disconnected, faith and spirituality provide a sense of stability and connection.

As we left the temple, I held my grandmother's hand and felt suffused by a sense of peace and contentment. Too often people who are disconnected from spirituality misunderstand the role it plays in billions of people’s lives. They see it as a way to “check out” from the issues the world faces, ignoring their responsibilities to others. This may be true for others, but not me. Quite the opposite. My spirituality helps me empathize with others(( Wonderful reflection.)) ; it helps me focus on the obligations we each have to every other person and creature on this planet. For me, it is the ultimate way to “check in” to the needs of the world and my community in a way that grounds me emotionally.

Spirituality offers a way to find meaning and purpose in life, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. For that, and for my grandmother, I am truly grateful.

AO Notes on An Afternoon with Grandmother

In this deeply reflective essay, the writer uses spirituality and their relationship with their grandmother to reveal a very personal part of themselves. The writer isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, and they clearly showcase strengths of wisdom and compassion.

• Vivid language: This author is a talented writer who has included a bunch of vivid language. But it’s not over the top. They include just enough to hold a reader’s attention and add some interest.
• Reflection: The reflection throughout this essay is excellent. Notice how it’s not just at the beginning or the end. It’s woven throughout. The writer follows up each major detail with an explanation of why it’s personally meaningful.
• Conclusion: The conclusion combines vivid language and reflection perfectly. By the end of the essay, we know exactly what the writer wants us to take away: spirituality is personally meaningful to them because it helps them connect with the people around them. And I especially like how the writer chose to end on a note of gratitude—always a good value to have in a personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #7: Rosie’s

While most people find their lowest point at rock bottom, I found mine in an Amerikooler DW081677F-8(( We’re definitely off to an odd start. I’m curious where this is headed!)) . With drops rolling down my back and my cheeks, I snuck into the walk-in freezer for a moment of chill.

At that point, I had worked at Rosie's for nearly a year. The job was a good one: it fit with my school schedule, paid well, and introduced me to close friends. But as a workplace, Rosie’s was pure chaos. The original owners passed on a host of problems the new owners were working hard to fix. But the problems ran deep. From an inefficient kitchen organization to a malfunctioning scheduling software, we never knew what to do or when.

The day I found myself in the Amerikooler was the day everything caught up with us(( This is a good transitional phrase that helps readers navigate this fairly complex narrative.)) . An error in our scheduling software led to us operating with only 30% of our typical team. As the only waitress on duty, I ran between the kitchen and the guests, stopping mid-delivery to put new vegetables in the steamers. The kitchen staff were barely getting through each dish before customers lost patience.

Then, in all the commotion, I dropped a plate of macaroni and cheese all over a customer. I apologized over and over again. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I always tried to be one step ahead to give my customers the best service, so my mistake felt like an utter failure. After helping them clean up, I ran immediately to the freezer. I realized that something had to change.

In the Amerikooler, a pea and corn mix cool on my back, I considered my options. The easiest option was to quit. I could find another job, one that didn’t cause me so much stress. But quitting wouldn’t just mean giving up. It would mean accepting my failure. It would also mean abandoning the coworkers I had grown close to. Leaving them would only burden them more. While I knew it wasn’t my job to fix the restaurant, I knew that leaving wasn’t the answer either. Instead, I decided to focus on solutions(( I like the focus on solutions and action steps here!)) . I stood up from the cold, dirty freezer floor, dusted off my work pants, washed my hands, and got back to work.

Despite being the newest and youngest member of the Rosie’s staff, I recognized that I brought a new perspective to the workplace. Having spent the previous three summers scheduling volunteers for my local food drive, I used my organizing experience to devise a new scheduling system, one that didn’t rely on our outdated technology. I brought up the system at our weekly meeting, and after initial pushback, everyone agreed to give it a try. Three months later, my system keeps everyone happy and our kitchen and floor staffed.

But it wasn’t just the staffing problem that was the issue. Our workflows were inefficient, and we didn’t know how to communicate or collaborate effectively. I know that identifying an issue is always the first step to a solution, so I raised the question at our most recent staff meeting. Having earned my coworkers’ and bosses’ trust(( And here we see some good growth and leadership.)) , I led us in outlining a few new processes to streamline our productivity. In stark contrast to the failure I felt after spilling the macaroni and cheese, developing a new workflow with my coworkers made me proud. I hadn’t given in to the chaos, but I had worked thoughtfully and collaboratively to create new solutions.

I’m sure that won’t be my last time working in a disorganized environment or spilling macaroni and cheese. But I know that I’ll be ready to address whatever comes my way.

AO Notes on Rosie’s

If you’ve ever worked in a food establishment, then something in this essay will probably resonate with you. But I appreciate how the writer doesn’t get pulled into the negativity they experience. Instead, they focused their efforts (and their essay) on how they could make things better for everyone. That’s the kind of student admissions officers want to see on their campuses.

• Organization: The writer has to narrate and backtrack a bit at the beginning of the essay to make the introduction work. But it’s not confusing for a reader because they have very solid transitions. I also like how the action steps and reflection are organized in the narrative.
• Positive outlook: As an admissions officer, I would admire this student for their problem-solving skills. Working in that environment was surely tough, but they didn’t give up. They got to work and helped everyone out in the process.
• Humor: From the introduction to the conclusion, the writer incorporates subtle humor throughout. Because of it, we actually feel like we know the writer by the conclusion. Too much humor can overwhelm a personal essay, but just enough can help readers see who the writer really is.

Personal Statement Example #8: Gone Fishing

I pulled the line with my left hand and snapped the rod back with my right. The line split through the air above me like a knife through cake. I rigidly waved my right arm up and down to dry off my fly, which had started sinking from the weight of the water. Ready to cast, I loosened the grip on my left hand to release a few more feet of line, pulled my right arm back in a grandiose motion, and hammered it back down. I expected my line to fly out in front of me, gracefully floating back onto the surface of the water. Instead, I was met with a startling resistance. My fly had lodged itself into the bush behind me(( This opening paragraph has great vivid description. Here, we end on a moment of suspense that has left me intrigued about what will happen next.)) .

Annoyed, I waded through the tall, thick grass, rod under my arm and mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. This was the reality of fly fishing. In my short time as a fisherman, I’d caught far more trees, bushes, and riverweed than I had fish. What seems so elegant in movies like A River Runs Through It is actually a grueling process of trial and error. I took up flyfishing a year ago to conquer my fear of the outdoors(( Ah ha—we learn that this essay isn’t really about fly fishing. It’s about conquering a fear. And with that, we see that the stakes are high.)) . I could have (and probably should have) chosen a more mild activity like hiking or kayaking, but I’ve always been one to take on a challenge.

I had been afraid of the outdoors since childhood. Coming from a family that prefers libraries to parks and bed and breakfasts to tents, I never learned how to appreciate nature. I limited my time outside as much as I could. I feared the bugs, the sun, and the unknown.

I decided to try flyfishing when I realized I didn’t want to be controlled by my fear any longer(( As an AO, I would applaud this student’s bravery.)) . All the birthday parties I’d turned down, the memories that were made without me, I had missed out on so much. Being outside was an integral part of the human experience—or, at least, that’s what I’d been told. Without being willing to enjoy nature, I was missing out on what it meant to be myself.

Soon after this realization, I found an old rod in my grandpa’s garage and took it as a sign from the universe. On my first time out, my Honda Civic lurched over a ditch on the gravel road Google Maps had directed me to. I’d spent hours watching YouTube videos of proper technique. Stepping out of my car, I felt my skin crack under the dry heat, and I wanted to leave. But I continued on, walking through branches and over logs to the riverbank. I was doing it( More vivid detail that really gives us a sense of the writer’s discomfort—yet they’re persisting.)) .

I pushed myself to continue, no matter how uncomfortable I got. I went back, Saturday after Saturday, each time noticing improvements in my abilities. Along the way, I learned to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I saw myself in a new light. I wasn’t Charlie, afraid of the outdoors. I was Charlie, fisherman.

The first time I caught a fish, I could hardly believe it. Thinking I had caught another piece of riverweed, I tugged on my line and rolled my eyes. But suddenly, it started tugging back. It was a sensation I’d never experienced before, one of haste, pride, and panic. I instantly collected myself, bracing against the bank as I secured the line with my finger and slowly pulled the fish ashore. Delicately removing my hook from its mouth, I admired its beauty. Whereas I had once feared creatures like this trout, I now respected it. Its holographic scales glistened in the sunlight. I thanked it for helping me grow, and I placed it back in the water. It swam away. I wiped the slime off my hands and picked up my rod, left hand tugging at the line, right hand snapping back again((This conclusion is quite long, but I really like this poetic ending. It shows so much growth, and there’s a subtle nod to the fact that the writer is continuing to fish.)) .

AO Notes on Gone Fishing

From all this imagery, I really felt like I was fishing alongside them. What’s better, I feel like I really get where this student is coming from because of their vulnerability. They show immense growth and open-mindedness, which is exactly what admissions officers are looking for.

• Imagery: This writer definitely likes creative writing. From the introduction, we can envision ourselves going on this journey with the writer. There is some excellent “show, don’t tell” here.
• Deep personal meaning: Biggest fears are hard to overcome, especially with such a good attitude. It’s clear that this topic is a meaningful one to the writer. Even the act of fly fishing, which they didn’t seem to like much at first, becomes a meaningful act.
• Narrative arc: We have a classic “going on a journey” essay, where the writer transforms on a journey from point A (being afraid of the outdoors) to point B (catching a fish). The writer’s implementation of this structure is excellent, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Good Personal Statement Examples

Even if your essay isn’t worthy of The New Yorker , you can still make your mark on admissions officers. Writing an essay that fulfills all the goals of a personal statement, whether or not it meets every single criterion an admissions officer is looking for, can still get you into a great college.

Most personal statements are good personal statements, so don’t worry if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amazing essay examples you see online. The key to writing a good personal statement is writing your personal statement. Focus on finding a topic that lets you communicate your own meaning and voice, and you’ll be set.

The following examples are awesome personal statements. There may be a little room for improvement in places, but the essays do exactly what they need to do. And they say a lot about their writers. Let’s see what the writers and admissions officers have to say.

Personal Statement Example #9: Beekeeper’s Club

As I lift the heavy lid of the hive, the hum of thousands of bees fills my ears. I carefully smoke the entrance to calm the bees, and I begin to inspect the frames. The bees are busy at work, collecting nectar and pollen, and tending to their young. I am in awe of their organization.

I never would have thought that I, a high school student, would become a beekeeper(( An interesting hobby for a high school student! I’m intrigued to see where this is going.)) . But now it’s something I can’t imagine my life without.

It all started when I found a beekeeping suit at a garage sale two summers ago. At a mere five dollars, it was yellowing and musty, but it appeared to be fully intact and without any holes. I’ve lived many lives as a hobbyist, always willing to try new things. I’ve been a sailor, a gardener, a basketball player, a harpist, a rock climber, and more. The problem is that I can never manage to see these hobbies through(( I see. Here we get a sense of what’s at stake in this new venture. The problem is that writer can’t seem to hold down a hobby. Will beekeeping solve that problem? Let’s find out .)) . As a perpetual novice, I always lose interest or become overwhelmed by all the information. But that’s never stopped me from taking up a new hobby, so I brought the beekeeping suit to the make-shift register and handed the seller a five-dollar bill.

To embark on my new hobby, I first went to the library and read everything I could find about beekeeping. Research is always my first step when starting something new. I like to know what I’m in for. As I read, I became fascinated by the fact that such small creatures can serve such a critical role on our planet. I learned about the importance of bees for pollinating crops, and I read that their populations have been declining in recent years. I was determined to do my part to help. This wasn’t just a hobby anymore— it was a mission(( And the stakes just got higher.)) .

But like the bees I’d been reading about, I knew I couldn't do it alone. My years of abandoning hobbies had taught me that this time, I needed guidance from someone with experience. I knew the first place to look. At the farmer’s market that Saturday, I went straight to the honey stand and introduced myself. The vendor’s name was Jeremy, and he was excited to see someone so young taking up beekeeping. I asked if I could come see his hives sometime, and he agreed.

I showed up the next weekend with my used beekeeping suit in hand. Jeremy gave me a tour. I was astounded by the simultaneous simplicity and complexity. As the months went by, Jeremy became my mentor. He taught me the importance of monitoring the health of the hive, how to properly harvest honey, and even the ins and outs of the farmer’s market business.

I was grateful for his guidance and friendship. I found myself becoming more and more passionate about bees and the art of beekeeping.

After months of tending to my hive, I finally had it up and running. These bees were in my care(( The writer has shown us that they’ve learned a big lesson from their past failures: they need support and guidance. I’m impressed that this time they are making an intentional change.)) —this was one hobby I couldn’t abandon. With that knowledge and Jeremy’s support, one hive grew to five. I’m not in it for the money or even the honey. I’m in it for the bees, for the millimeter of difference I’m making in their lives and in the life of the earth.

Through beekeeping, I have found a community of people who share my love for bees. Jeremy, the bees, and the entire beekeeping community have taught me not to quit. We support each other, share tips and advice, and work together to help protect these important insects. And in the process, I have learned that I can take up any new hobby I want and stick with it if I just put in enough effort(( Yep—the writer has come out of this journey on the other side, having learned that their effort does pay off.)) .

AO Notes on Beekeeper’s Club

As an admissions officer, it’s always fun to read about students’ eccentric hobbies. I’d count this as one of them. But what’s better than learning about the hobby is seeing a student’s personal growth.

What makes this essay good:

• Personal journey: Most good personal statements show some kind of personal growth. In this case, we see that the writer has grown mature and aware enough to hold down a hobby. We see that it wasn’t an easy road, but they got there.
• Strengths: There are lots of strengths in this personal statement. We see self-awareness, initiative, teamwork, and care for the bees and the planet.
• Reflection: Part of what makes this personal journey so good is that the writer takes us on the journey with them through reflection. At each stage of the journey, we know exactly what the writer is thinking and feeling. By the end, we’re celebrating their success with them.

What the writer could do to level up:

• Personal meaning: Yep, “personal journey” and “personal meaning” can be two separate things. Although the writer goes on a great personal journey, the personal meaning seems to be lacking a bit. It’s clear that this is an important topic to the writer, but it doesn’t exactly come across as an especially vulnerable one. The writer could make it more vulnerable by incorporating more personal meaning into their reflection: what would it have meant if they had quit beekeeping too? What’s the problem with dropping hobbies in the first place? Why is it personally important to learn to stick with things?

Personal Statement Example #10: Ann

Pushing her blonde curls from her forehead, she pursed her lips in focus(( This vivid, detailed description really draws me in.)) . She sat with legs crossed across the kitchen chair. This was it: the moment she’d been preparing for. Her tiny hand gripped the pencil as if it were a stick of dynamite and twitched her fingers up, down, and back again. She looked up at me and smiled, teeth too big for her growing mouth. “Ann,” the paper read. As I glowed back at my mini-me, I saw in her my whole heart(( And here the focus switches from Ann to the writer—an important transition.)) .

My sister was technically an accident, born when I was eleven years old. But I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Ann’s existence was destined by the cosmos. Watching her write was like looking in a mirror. My hair has long since turned brown, but she and I deal with the same unmanageable curls. Her toothy grin developed over five years of mutual laughter. And she got that unwavering focus from watching me do my own homework each night. At the same time I’ve taught her the ways of the world, she’s taught me joy, patience, and persistence(( Lessons learned! This sentence really draws attention to the main theme. It could be a little more specific because “joy, patience, and persistence” are almost cliche.)) .

I had been an only child for my first decade of life. I remember being lonely and without purpose. With Ann came the opportunity to make a real impact on someone, even as a child myself. The night she was born, I vowed to protect her. I had never seen anyone so small and fragile, and I begged my parents to let me hold her. Next to mine, her hand looked like a doll’s. It was purple and pink from the ordeal of birth. Her eyes barely opened, but I couldn’t keep mine off her.

Many older siblings find their younger siblings to be nuisances. But Ann has always been my best friend. Her first two years of life, she struggled with health issues that scared us all. I felt helpless and afraid, but I knew I had to fight alongside her. I did everything I could: I grabbed diapers and bottles for my parents, I talked to her for hours on end, and, when she was old enough, I spoon fed her and encouraged her to eat. As Ann grew bigger and stronger, I grew stronger, too(( It sounds like this was a really difficult challenge for the writer and their family. I appreciate this picture we get of the writer in relation to Ann.)) .

Each year has gotten better than the previous. I was there to catch Ann when she took her first steps, teach her her first words, and get her dressed every day. She tagged behind me as I took photos before my first dance, got my learner’s permit, and went on my college tours. While being a teen with a toddler sibling wasn’t always perfect, Ann’s mere presence makes those around her feel loved and appreciated. She’s exactly who I aspire to be.

Watching her write her name at the kitchen table, I became overwhelmed with the thought of leaving her to head off to college. She still has so much to learn, so many ways to grow. But just as the thought entered my mind, she spoke in her high-pitched and innocent voice. “When you go to college,” she asked, “will you tell me about your classes?” I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes, smoothed her curls with my hand, and pulled her in close.

Going to college won’t mean leaving Ann. It will mean opening her world—and mine—to endless new knowledge and possibilities. She’ll grow and change, and so will I. When we reunite, we’ll smile our toothy smiles and embrace each other, our curly hair intertwining. We’ll sit at the kitchen table, focused and laughing, like nothing has changed(( I like how the siblings are continuing to grow together, but at the end of the day, they still have their amazing relationship.)) .

AO Notes on Ann

I always find sibling essays like this one so sweet. It’s amazing how clearly we can understand someone solely through their interactions with a loved one. As an admissions officer, I would see that this student would be a great community member (and roommate!).

• Deeply meaningful: Especially with the family context, it’s apparent that this topic is deeply meaningful to the writer. Because it’s so meaningful a topic, the writer is able to show an immense amount of care for Ann without even trying. AOs love seeing traits like care, maturity, and the ability to grow.
• Clear message: Personal statements should have themes that encompass the main message the writer wants to convey. This essay’s message is clear as day: the writer is a better, happier, more generous person because of Ann. They are an awesome sibling.
• More about the self: This one’s tricky because we get an implicit sense of who the writer is now through the overall tone and meaning. But a lot of the personal examples the writer chose are old examples from childhood and early adolescence. Some of those are important to provide family context, but I still would have liked to get a more recent picture of the writer.

Personal Statement Example #11: Running through My Neighborhood

My mind and eyes began to wander as I turned the corner on my fourth mile. I’ve always been a runner. It's a way for me to relax and challenge myself. Running makes me feel like I’m one with the world around me. As I run, I can't help but be struck by the beauty of the buildings and people that make up my city. Each is a work of art—a carefully-crafted expression of my community. With every step, I feel a deep connection to the life around me(( This introduction covers a lot, so this last sentence could be a bit more specific.)) .

On my run, I find myself drawn to the intricate details of the buildings. I admire the way the light catches on centuries-old bricks, casting shadows that dance across the pavement below. I look up at the skyscraper windows that nearly touch the sky, frightened at the sight of window washers. Old and new, the buildings all carry stories.

In the same way, I admire the neighbors around me. I see them feeding pigeons, smiling at me as I pass by. They’re walking dogs and babies, talking on a park bench, and playing hopscotch. I run by them, fast but steady, and breathe it all in. I’m on this beautiful city block, surrounded by people whose whole lives are familiar yet mysterious, and I’m running.

But it's not just the aesthetic beauty of the buildings that grabs my attention. As I run, I find myself thinking about the stories and histories behind each one. I wonder about the people who built them, the families they had at home, the lives they led. I think about the people who have lived and worked in these buildings and the memories that have been made within their walls.

Take the local bakery, for instance. I’ve run by there a thousand times in my life, each time soaking up the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries. The building seems unassuming at first, with a simple glass door and brick façade. But once you step foot inside, you’re immediately hit with the warmth of the staff and patrons. The old photos on the wall and cozy furniture that has been there since the bakery’s opening back in the 1950s—it feels like home(( These are great vivid details.)) . The bakery is everything I value about my neighborhood. It completely represents what kind of neighbor I want to be. Plus, it’s not a bad place for a post-run snack.

Through my runs, I’ve also made connections with those who frequent the sidewalks alongside me. One of the people I see regularly on my runs is Mrs. Carter, an elderly woman who always has a kind word and a smile for everyone she meets. Her white hair is carefully curled, and her face is dimpled with laugh lines from thousands of conversations like ours. She often stops to chat with me, asking how my day is going and sharing stories from her own life. I always look forward to seeing her. She’s like the grandmother I never had. Mrs. Carter inspires me to be a better community member every day(( This kind of reflection brings the focus back to the writer’s personal journey.)) .

Running through my neighborhood is about more than just staying fit. It’s also about being in community with those around me. As I weave through the people on the sidewalk, I feel as though I am weaving myself through their stories, picking up tidbits and adding them to my own narrative. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these runs that have taught me so much. I can’t wait to run across my college campus, admiring my new surroundings and meeting my new neighbors(( I like this gesture to the future—as an AO, I would start to picture this student running through my campus, too!)) .

AO Notes on Running through My Neighborhood

Running essays can get a bad rap in college admissions. But this one overcomes that stereotype. At its core, this essay is about the runner’s relationship to their community. I really appreciate how much care and enthusiasm this writer shows for those around them.

• Writing: The writer’s voice shines through. They have great vivid descriptions, and we’re really able to envision ourselves in the neighborhood alongside them.
• Personal meaning: The way the writer describes those they encounter in their neighborhood shows that this isn’t a minor part of their life. Their runs are a big deal. The people they see along the way have greatly shaped who they are.
• Greater focus on self: Now, there are much worse culprits when it comes to personal essays that focus on people other than the writer. But the writer does toe the line. Their descriptions mostly focus on those around them, and while there is some reflection that connects their own experience to other people, it doesn’t actually take up much space in the essay. To level up, the writer could make this essay more about themself.

Personal Statement Example #12: Musical Installation Art

As a child, I was always drawn to stringed instruments(( The hook could have more punch, but this gets the job done.)) . I would pluck at my dad's old guitars, create makeshift harps with dental floss, and even play around with the banjo and harp in music class. As I got older, I realized that I wanted to focus on making my own instruments. And where better to start than in my dad's scrapyard? The yard sprawled out for almost five acres behind our house. It was a marvel of junk and oddities, with the accumulated garbage from hundreds of junker cars built up in our backyard. I grew up playing there, leading a childhood that most parents would probably see as reckless—rolling tires through narrow alleyways between crushed cars stacked high. But for me, the backyard was an endless playground for my imagination.

It was there that I discovered the joys of welding and soldering. I would rummage through piles of metal and find pieces that I could fashion into something new. My first sculptures were simple, resembling birds or dogs and pieced together from strips of metal. I’d look for similar art everywhere I went, grasping for inspiration. At a fair one weekend, I saw a booth run by an artist who built guitars. After speaking with him about his art, he asked to see a picture of my sculptures. I showed him and explained that I hoped to make my own instruments one day, too. He scuttled to the back of his tent and returned with a gift: a set of thick copper strings. “Try using those,”(( What an endearing story.)) he told me.

My first sculpture instrument was a crude thing—little more than a board of metal with pegs that I used to pull the copper strings tight. But I tightened them, I was in love—spending all night plucking away. At first, the instrument wailed and screeched. String by string, I delicately tuned the wires into sirens. I had created something that played music, and I was so proud.

My experience building the instrument motivated me to enroll in a sculpture class at the local community college. It was there that I learned how to properly solder metal and create more complex structures. For my final project, I made a three-foot-tall, four-stringed metal instrument in the shape of a dragon.

But as I worked, I started to realize that my dragon wasn't going to be beautiful in the traditional sense. Its metal body was jagged and uneven, and the strings were stretched tight across its back in a way that produced discordant, almost abrasive music. I tried to adjust the tuning, but no matter what I did, the music remained harsh and unpleasant.

At first, I was disappointed. I wanted my dragon to be a work of art, something that people would marvel at and love listening to. But as I continued to play with it, I started to see the beauty in the chaos(( This paragraph shows wonderful growth. And as a reader, I’m drawn in trying to imagine what the sculpture actually looks like.)) . The music it produced was like a musical language that I had invented, one that was wild and untamed. It was a reflection of my own creativity and individuality. A discordant collection of notes that sounded like they’d been tuned so as to be atonal. But I didn't care. I was a scrapyard kid, and this dragon played the song of my people: strong, innovative, and beautiful.

The combination of sculpture and music fascinates me. How does the shape of a fabrication affect the kind of sound that the object produces? What sounds do different materials produce? As I’ve learned more about sculpture, I’ve also become interested in installation art that has sound dimensions. I want to capture people’s visual and aural attention to inspire questions about how we navigate the aesthetic world(( It sounds like this topic potentially relates to the student’s future goals. If that’s true, there could be a clearer academic connection here.)) . And I’ll use whatever scraps I can find to make my creations.

AO Notes on Musical Installation Art

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of musical installation art myself, so this topic really held my attention. I appreciate the journey the writer went on to learn that their art may not look like everyone else’s, but it can be just as impactful.

• Topic: I like this topic not only because it’s not one you see every day but also because it lets the writer reveal a lot about themself and their background. We see where they grew up and who they grew up with, and we also learn about this deeply meaningful personal interest.
• Writing style: This author has a very distinct writing style. In some ways, the writing style mirrors their art style—abrupt at times, melodic at others.
• Organization: The first half of this essay doesn’t always match up with the second half. Even though we’re still able to see the writer’s journey as a metal artist and musician, there’s still a bit of streamlining that needs to happen.

Personal Statement Example #13: Ski Patrol

I can never get enough of being in the mountains(( This hook isn’t very compelling, so it could use some more attention.)) . I am a skier through and through. Growing up, I spent countless family vacations on the slopes with my dad and siblings. I love the rush I get speeding down the mountain—I’ve improved so much over my life that I can now handle most runs I come across. But last year, I took my love for skiing to a whole other level by joining ski patrol.

It was mid-December, and my family had decided to take a weekend away to go skiing. Everything was going normally at first. We had a good day on the slopes and wanted to go one more run before calling it a night. We took a moment to rest and watched the person in front of us go. Only seconds after she headed down the mountain, something happened with her ski. She catapulted into a nearby tree. People raced to check on her, while we stayed back and alerted ski patrol.

When ski patrol arrived, I watched in amazement. They moved in such a precise way. They were like a machine—everyone knew exactly what to do when. Thankfully, it was a false alarm and the skier only had a few scratches. But my own life was changed forever. I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this team, to help others in a tangible way and to make a difference on the mountain that had always been my home.

As soon as I could, I applied for the Junior Ski Patrol team. I had to go through a tryout process on the hill, which made me nervous. But it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved skiing as much as I do. Thankfully, I was accepted shortly after; it was one of the best days of my life. Now on Junior Ski Patrol, I have the opportunity to do what I love – skiing – while also making a positive impact on others(( And here we get to the heart of the essay. The writer wants to help others while doing something they love. It’s a noble pursuit!)) . My team shadows the adult Ski Patrol, and we learn a lot of lessons along the way.

On the mountain (and in life), you never know what challenges might arise. One of the most important things I’ve learned from Junior Ski Patrol is to be prepared for anything. I’ve gotten my CPR and first aid certifications so I’m always prepared to administer life-saving care to anyone who might need it. I know how to pack a bag full of enough essentials to survive harsh weather or injuries.

But ski patrol has also taught me so much more than just how to help others. It has shown me how I work best on a team. I’m not naturally a leader, which is something I’ve always felt ashamed about. After learning from our mentors who all fulfill different roles on their adult Ski Patrol team, I realized that I don’t have to be a leader to be a good team member. The quiet collaborators who can follow the lead, take initiative when needed, and do their jobs really well are just as important as the people who are front-and-center(( An important personal insight.)) .

Being on ski patrol as a high school student has been an incredible journey, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a dedicated team. More importantly, I’m proud of the growth I’ve experienced. I went from a person who just loves skiing to a person who is more confident in herself. I no longer feel unprepared or timid. I know exactly how to keep myself safe and work alongside others. While I don’t want to be a professional Ski Patroller or even go into medicine, I know these lessons will serve me well wherever life takes me(( As an AO, I would have been wondering if being on JSP made them want to study medicine, so I appreciate that they answered it for me!)) . But no matter where I end up, when the mountain calls, you know I’ll answer.

AO Notes on Ski Patrol

In this fun hobby-meets-accomplishment essay, the writer shows us their strengths of care and teamwork. I like the crossover between something that they really enjoy and this impressive accomplishment they have of being on Junior Ski Patrol.

• Lessons learned: The writer makes it very clear what lessons they learned from Junior Ski Patrol. Lessons don’t always have to be this explicit, but I appreciate how the writer really takes the time to reflect on what they’ve learned.
• Personal insight: Okay, this point is related to the lessons learned. But it’s important to draw out on its own because personal essays are, of course, personal. This topic easily could have been just about skiing down a mountain or administering first aid on patrol. Instead, the writer kept the focus inward to meet the expectations of a personal essay.
• What’s at stake?: We do get a good sense of personal meaning. But the writer could do a better job of speaking to the significance of this activity to their life. A good question to ask is, “What’s at stake?” What would I have lost or gained if this story had turned out differently? Asking these questions can also help you figure out what it is that you want an admissions officer to learn from your personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #14: The Regulars

One pump of vanilla syrup. Frothed milk. One espresso shot. Caramel drizzle(( Starting with some version of the following sentence would have been a stronger hook.)) . Like a scientist at her bench, I have methodically repeated these steps four days a week for the past two years. During my time as a Starbucks barista, I’ve learned hundreds of recipes and customizations. I know all the secret menu hacks, and I’ve developed several recipes for friends and family too. I pride myself on speed, quality, and memory. My favorite part of the job is the customer service. As one of the busiest locations in the region, I’ve caffeinated thousands. But it’s my regular customers, those whose orders I know like the back of my hand, who have truly impacted me.

Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, hold the vanilla syrup. A busy mom of four, Chelsea is always in a hurry. I try to catch her the moment she enters the store so I can get started right away. Her Venti drink fuels her through school dropoffs and pickups, gymnastics lessons, and evening math homework. Throughout my conversations with her, I’ve learned that Chelsea is a scheduling virtuoso. As someone with ADHD(( This paragraph is almost too much about Chelsea, so this sentence is crucial to bring the focus back to the writer.)) , I became so inspired by her ability to juggle so many people and schedules simultaneously. After asking her for advice, she helped me find a time management system that I can keep up with. I have Chelsea to thank for my improved grades.

Grande dark roast, no room for cream. Mr. Williams is a retired businessman who always tips 100%. Mr. Williams is a quiet man, so it took me months to draw any information from him. Instead of using my over-the-top customer service voice, I eventually learned to be myself. When I got him to open up, I discovered that he was a service worker himself before he made it big in business in his sixties. The truth is, Mr. Williams has tipped me hundreds of dollars throughout my time here, which is extra money that will help me pay for college. He’s taught me the value of quiet generosity(( Let’s be honest. Mr. Williams sounds like a cool guy. But Mr. Williams isn’t applying to college—the writer is! I like that we get small glimpses into who the writer is through this paragraph, but there’s still room for more.)) .

Tall soy London Fog. Sweet Darla gave up coffee twenty-five years ago, but she still loves an occasional treat. When Darla enters, I clear my schedule. She always has stories to tell about the eighty years of life she’s lived. Darla is everything I want to be at that age: she’s spunky, opinionated, and hilarious(( Here we learn a lot about the writer through Darla.)) . Sometimes I tell Darla stories of my own. When I explained the dramatic series of events that led to me landing first chair in my symphony, she said she was going to retell it her bridge club. Making Darla laugh so hard will always be one of my proudest moments.

Grande iced matcha. Taylor is my age and goes to my school. When I took her order for the first time, I felt embarrassed that I needed to work to support myself while she could enjoy expensive drinks. But her kindness softened me. As time went on, I learned that she visited Starbucks so much because she wanted to get out of her house, which wasn’t a very happy place. While I have to take on as many shifts as possible, I still have a happy home to return to afterward. Now Taylor comes in near the end of my shift so we can take our drinks and have dinner at my house.

When you work in customer service, customers enter and exit your life like a revolving door. But the regulars, those special people who draw connections from daily but brief interactions, stick with you for life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for these people, and I would never have met them if it weren’t for my job as a barista. I haven’t just been making drinks these past two years. I’ve been making friends(( The conclusion does a good job tying all these different stories back together. )) .

AO Notes on The Regulars

No one appreciates a good barista story more than a tired admissions officer on their 30th application of the day! I like the personality that comes through in this essay especially. But this is one of those cases where it’s almost too much about other people.

• Creative take: Not every college essay needs a creative flair. In fact, sometimes going for “unique” structures can detract from an essay. But I like how the writer uses this format to structure the essay.
• Organization: This essay isn’t one a reader is bound to get lost in. The introduction sets up the essay well, it’s easy to see the connections between the points the writer is conveying, and the conclusion brings the focus back to the writer.
• More focus on self: While we do learn about the writer in this essay, we also learn a lot about Chelsea, Mr. Williams, Darla, and Taylor. The writer could have pared down the descriptions of other people—or cut one of the examples altogether—to save more room for personal reflection.

“Bad” Personal Statement Examples

These “bad” essays aren’t necessarily bad. They just aren’t very effective personal statements. Specifically, these two essays make some of the biggest college essay mistakes.

Making mistakes, especially when you’ve never written a personal statement before, is to be expected. We’ve included these examples so you can see what those mistakes look like in real-time. Learning from ineffective examples can be just as helpful as learning from the exceptional ones, so grab your pencil and start taking notes.

Our admissions officers have highlighted what’s working and what’s not. They offer helpful commentary and advice for revisions that you can use to assess your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #15: The Worst Year

My sophomore year of high school presented me with so many challenges(( This hook definitely gets straight to the point, but it doesn’t draw me in as a reader.)) . I struggled with a lot that year and barely managed to get by. It was the greatest challenge I ever faced.

The year started out like any other but soon went into chaos. My brother suddenly started struggling with drugs and alcohol. Before that, we didn’t know how bad he was hurting. But one night he finally came to us for help because apparently he had been using substances to cope with his emotions. He was scared because he felt like he had reached a breaking point and needed support. My parents didn’t want to help because they thought that he didn’t have a problem but I know my brother and I knew that he didn’t seem like himself. It was so sad to watch him go through that. I tried my best to help him but I was only a kid. I couldn’t really do anything besides tell him I loved him. Eventually my parents decided to get him some help, so he went away for a while and I wrote him letters every week and visited him as much as I could. The treatment he got helped thankfully. He’s doing better now and I am grateful that he is my brother.

But then Covid hit and I couldn’t even leave my house. We thought it would just be a two week vacation to school but it turned into two whole years of my life gone just like that. At the beginning I was stuck in my bedroom while my parents were working their jobs from the living room. Everyone was constantly getting annoyed with each other and driving each other wild. I would be doing a class Zoom in my room and I could hear my parents in a meeting in the living room. I had a hard time not being able to see my friends. I couldn't focus and my grades dropped. Even my teachers didn’t really seem to care. I was sick of staring at black Zoom screens all the time that I even stopped logging on. All of that combined led to me becoming very depressed and anxious. My grades dropped even more because I just couldn’t pay attention or focus enough to do my homework. I ended up getting grades way lower than I ever thought I would that year and I’m so frustrated about it because it felt like I was trying my best but it just wasn’t enough(( Here we see the writer opening up a bit and reflecting on what it was like to go through that experience.)) .

Even once we finally got back in school things didn’t get much better. The pandemic was just too much for my family so my parents ended up getting divorced at the beginning of my junior year. After all we had been through together seeing them separate made me devastated. My dad got an apartment and I had to go back and forth between their houses and pack up all my stuff every time. It was like moving my entire life every weekend. My brother was out of the house by this point so it was just me all by myself. My school was far from my dad’s new place so I’d have a long commute on the weeks I was with him. He was stressed at work and about the divorce and I just ended up feeling so lonely and spending most of my time in my room. My grades got better once online school stopped(( This moment of hope does a lot for moving the essay forward.)) but I had a hard time keeping close relationships with my friends because they didn’t like that I was living far away now and that we couldn’t really hang out anymore.

I couldn’t believe that two years would change so much. Getting through everything really challenged me. But I’m glad to be moving forward with my life.

AO Notes on The Worst Year

This student definitely had a challenging year. It’s clear that they’ve overcome a lot, and I appreciate their willingness to share their struggles. I like that the very last sentence

What this essay does well:

• Vulnerability: Writing about challenges is never easy, especially when you’re writing to people you don’t know. This writer is bold and unafraid in doing so.

What could be improved on:

• Not enough positivity: Here’s the thing. You definitely don’t need to be able to spin all of your challenging experiences into positive ones. But the topics you choose to write your college essay about should ultimately conclude on a positive note. You want your college essay to show you in a positive light, so you should choose a topic that lets you find a light, positive, or hopeful resolution.

Personal Statement Example #16: The Strikeout that Changed My Life

The stadium lights shone brightly in my eyes. I stepped up to the plate and drew back my bat. I wiggled my fingers, waiting. The pitcher wound up his arm and threw the ball towards me. My eyes worked overtime to track the ball. I watched as it flew directly towards the center of the plate and made a last-minute curve(( I like this vivid description.)) . It went straight into the catcher’s mitt. “Strike three!” the umpire yelled. That was the time I struck out at the quarter-finals. My team was so close to making it to the championship that we could taste it. It was the bottom of the sixth, and I gave up a valuable chance to score game-winning runs. We ended up losing. I learned a valuable lesson that fateful day. I never wanted to let my team down like that again(( And the writer jumps quickly into the main theme of the essay. Still, the message here could be more specific.)) .

We had advanced through our bracket without much trouble. The other teams were no match for our work ethic and teamwork. We were in perfect sync. As the first baseman, I was ready for any throw that came my way. We were also hitting well. I scored three home runs throughout the course of the tournament. We were a high-functioning machine. But for a machine to work, each cog has to function correctly. When I stepped up to the plate in the sixth inning, I was a broken cog.

After our quarter–final loss, I grieved with my teammates. Then I went off on my own to think. How had I let my team down so badly? How did I not even try to swing at that pitch? It was all my fault. I had to figure out what I had done wrong so I would never make the mistake again. I realized that I had been thinking selfishly. I was concerned about my own performance, my own at-bat averages(( This is a good reflection.)) . I was scared of failing because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. And worrying about all of those things caused me to lose focus and miss my chance to make a difference. Instead, I should have been thinking about how my at-bat would contribute to my team’s overall goal of winning the game.

I returned to where my teammates were congregating, and several of them patted me on the back. The next day, we went over how the game went as a team and talked about how we could improve at our tournament the following weekend. I admitted that I felt like I let the team down. My teammates said that they understood and reassured me that mistakes happen. It wasn’t my failed at-bat alone that lost us the game. Like winning, losing is a team effort. It was a culmination of lots of little issues. At the end of the day, the other team just out-performed us. But we could try hard, practice a lot, and return triumphant next weekend.

Letting my team down was a crushing blow to my self-esteem. I never want to feel like that again, but I know that the experience caused me to grow. Through all of this, I learned that I have to trust myself and my team(( Here we get to the lesson learned.)) . Focusing on myself alone can only get me so far. But focusing on my team can get me to where I want to go. I’m actually thankful that I struck out in that sixth inning because it caused me to learn an important life lesson.

AO Notes on The Strikeout that Changed My Life

This essay on its own definitely isn’t “bad.” As far as essays go, it’s clear, well-written, and organized nicely. But as a college essay, it could be doing more work on the writer’s behalf. See, as an admissions officer, I don’t actually learn that much about the writer from this essay alone. I see that they like baseball, are a good teammate, and can overcome failure. Those are wonderful traits, but they don’t exactly help set this student apart on the admissions committee floor. Instead, the student could make this essay more vulnerable and personal.

• Writing: The writer uses some great creative writing skills to really set the scene for the readers. In that first paragraph, I really feel like I’m there watching the game.
• Reflection: Even though the topic could be more significant, the writer does a great job reflecting on the meaning they drew from the experience.
• Significance: It’s very clear that this topic holds a lot of meaning to the writer. But as a college essay topic, it lacks vulnerability and stakes.

Key Takeaways

Writing a personal statement is a difficult ask, especially when you’ve never even read one before. But now, with these fifteen examples in your back pocket, you’re ready to write your own.

If you’re not sure what steps to take next, hop on over to our guide to writing personal statements for advice. You can also find more extensive guidance on the Essay Academy , a comprehensive college essay writing video course and community.

Happy writing! 🥳

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How To Start A Personal Statement: Great First Paragraphs

What’s the first thing you do when writing a personal statement?

For many people, getting the opening paragraph right is the most immediate task, as it sets the tone for the rest of the application.

However, this is also the paragraph that applicants find hardest to write, as it requires a sophisticated combination of factual information and personal reflection.

So, how to start a personal statement?

Start a personal statement with a paragraph that engages the reader and establishes your academic credibility and potential in your field of study. You should also ensure that you include an element of personality combined with a relevant and effective hook, compelling the reader.

I’ve detailed my top three strategies for achieving this below in lots of detail, to ensure that you develop a fantastic opening paragraph.

I’ve also included some ideas for great personal statement hooks and advice about the mistakes to avoid when starting a personal statement.

Check out my post on starting the process of writing a personal statement here , if you’re beginning from scratch.

How do you Start a Personal Statement: Examples

Having worked with hundreds of applicants to develop and improve their applications, I’ve identified the three most effective strategies for starting personal statements and achieving brilliant opening paragraphs.

Whilst these are appropriate for any kind of application, course or subject, one will usually stand out as being most relevant.

Whichever option you choose, remember that the style you establish in your opening paragraph needs to be maintained throughout your entire personal statement.

Equally, your final personal statement paragraph needs to reflect the comments made at the beginning, completing the point you set out to make.

Statement Starter 1: The Significant Achievement

Beginning your personal statement by outlining the impact or value to you of a specific achievement can be an engaging way to establish your suitability, credentials or engagement.

It is also a great way to ensure that you begin by writing about yourself, not someone else.

This doesn’t necessarily have to be an academic accomplishment. However, it should communicate relevancy to the course or role you are applying for.

Maybe you took a team on an outward-bound course and developed leadership and resilience, which relates to the specifics of your application.

Perhaps you won a medal in a national maths challenge, adding credibility to your science personal statement?

In any case, not only do you need to explain the accomplishment and talk about its value to you, you need to make sure that you relate that directly to the demands of the course you are applying for.

Put simply…

You can think of these achievements as being divided into three groups, any of which would make an excellent point in an opening paragraph.

Academic Achievements

• Any kind of academic prize or publication beyond the taught curriculum
• High-level additional qualifications
• Success in solving an academic challenge
• Overcoming academic obstacles
• Courses attended or completed

Practical Achievements

• Subject success in a practical context – performances, exhibitions, online
• Work experience or internships
• Volunteering and community work
• Running your own business
• Accomplishments in sports or other interests
• Special events and sponsorship opportunities

Personal Achievements

• Caring for a friend or relative
• Overcoming adversity to do with health, opportunity, finance or geography
• Travel opportunities taken and their value
• Engagement with additional languages and cultures
• Employment and the ability to balance this with study
• Parental status

Here’s an example of how that kind of opening paragraph might look…

“Having won my school’s academic writing prize with an essay analysing the use of Python coding in contemporary medical technology, I was inspired to research the use of AI in clinical diagnosis and read ‘Life Decisions’ by Dr P Balmer. Her research into the use of algorithms to detect markers of illness is the inspiration behind my application.” Applicant 1

Statement Starter 2: The Inspirational Moment

The second kind of opening point is to outline an inspirational moment that in some way had a positive effect on you and is at the heart of your decision to study a particular subject or work in a particular field.

There are no rules here as to what this could be.

Sometimes the most honest of examples is the most effective, even if you feel that it lacks some depth or credibility.

I’ve seen extremely compelling personal statements in which the candidate’s inspiration is a parent’s love or a chance encounter with someone who opened their eyes to new possibilities. Equally, reading a book or listening to a lecture can entirely change your outlook on the world.

The important thing to remember is that your example must illustrate the effect that this moment had on you, provide the opportunity for you to show how you have grown from that moment and indicate how that outcome enhances your suitability.

Again, I’ve categorised these into three different groups to better illustrate their potential…

In-Person Experiences

• Formal meetings with inspirational people (at lectures, events, signings, locations, conventions, in the workplace etc)
• Informal meetings in unexpected places (a person who does you a good deed or suddenly changes your life in some way)
• Inspirational friends, peers or family that model a new behaviour or way of viewing the world
• Teachers, counsellors or advisors that have opened new doors for you
• People who have achieved significant success in a field you aspire to
• Role-models

Experiences That Change You

• Volunteering
• Community work
• Changes of circumstance
• Successes and failures
• Lessons, lectures, courses or conversations
• Cultural or social discoveries
• Socialising
• Hobbies and interests

Discoveries and Connections

• Historical figures whose legacy has had an impact on you
• Making links between disciplines, cultures or forms (lightbulb moments!)
• Seeing something for the first time (a painting, an experiment, a view)
• Understanding the relevancy of one subject or process to another

Here’s an example of an inspirational in-person experience that might form the basis of a compelling opening paragraph…

As a child, I worked alongside my mother who was a refugee coordinator in a transit camp set up to support families displaced due to civil war. Her compassion, energy, practicality and tireless generosity of spirit is my personal inheritance, and the example she set with her bravery and dedication to her beliefs underpins my application to read for a Political Ethics degree. Applicant 2

Statement Starter 3: The Course Connection

This last kind of opening point makes a direct connection to the course or role for which you are applying.

You should use the opportunity to establish your credentials as an engaged and informed candidate by showing that your skillset and experience relate directly to the demands of the course.

Not only does this strategy communicate your connection to your field, but it shows that you have done your research.

This, in turn, reassures the reader that you are likely to be picking the right subject, that you will probably complete your course of study (and your funding will remain in place as a consequence), and that you are likely to be an inspirational and successful member of the community.

You could also make links with current initiatives in your industry or field of study or consider how the contents of the course might inspire your future career choices.

Any one of these three headings might work for you…

Connections with Content, Assessment and Skills

• Understanding of the taught ideas and their connections to your present experiences
• Awareness of modules and the creation of a bespoke course of study
• Understanding and connection with various teaching styles
• Knowledge of assessment processes related to your relative strengths
• Existing skills that could be enhanced on the course
• Key practitioners and their value

Links with Current Initiatives

• Importance of specific research or facilities to your application
• Emerging fields of study that inspire you
• Changing technologies and their social application
• Reputation of specific providers or organisations
• Connections between organisations, industry and charity
• Placement opportunities

Connections to Outcomes, Alumni and Value

• Value of completing the course or fulfilling the role
• Skills gained and their value
• Previous graduates as role models for success
• Your value to the organisation
• Career ambitions and pathways to success through the course
• Impact you hope to have in the world
• The value to the organisation in having you within it

Here’s how that might look as an opening point…

The opportunity to study as a member of your community is underpinned by my ambition to develop a career in the Business Advisory sector. Your placement opportunities will allow me to build and contribute to the professional networks so vital to achieving my career goals. In particular, I am looking forward to developing my understanding of data use in the ‘Statistical Analysis in Project Management’ module. Applicant 3

What are Great Hooks for Personal Statements?

A ‘hook’ is just another way of describing a specific device that a writer uses to engage a reader. It’s the device embedded in the structure of your writing that connects all the components together, like a theme or idea.

Including a hook in the first paragraph of your personal statement can be an extremely effective way of framing your content and for keeping your writing on track.

You just have to remember that the rest of your writing needs to connect with your hook as you develop your application.

Here are six valuable hooks you can use to easily add a sense of purpose to your personal statement…

5 Mistakes to Avoid: Starting a Personal Statement

If you’ve followed the advice in this post, then hopefully, your personal statement will be free of mistakes and full of excellent content.

To make sure you don’t fall into any traps when you’re thinking about how to start a personal statement, here are the 5 mistakes to avoid in your opening paragraph…

Mistake 1: A terrible opening sentence . UCAS released some data a few years ago that revealed the most common opening lines in personal statements.  If you find yourself writing things like ‘from a young age’ or ‘for as long as I can remember’ then you’d do well to search for a wider range of sentence starters.

Equally, telling the reader that you are passionate about your subject has come to be a real cliché and is best avoided. Show your passion or commitment rather than simply writing that it exists.

Mistake 2: Telling a story . In an effort to make a personal statement more personal, it can be tempting to start with a personal anecdote or even to frame the entire document as a story. This is usually best avoided, as this approach will almost certainly lack relevance and immediacy and will eat into your word count without adding value.

Begin with an achievement, a moment or a connection, but not with a story!

Some compelling opening lines might look like this…

Mistake 3: Introducing yourself. Unless the guidelines indicate otherwise, there is no need to introduce yourself in your personal statement. It is not a letter and does not require that kind of introduction. Nor should you list your qualifications, achievements or educational history.

Similarly, this isn’t the place to outline your employment history; all these details can usually be included elsewhere in your application.

Mistake 4: Beginning with a quote . In my opinion, it’s an error to begin your personal statement with someone else’s words, even if they are compelling and relevant and you immediately develop an original train of thought. The first words encountered by a reader should be your own.

Quotes can be an exceptionally helpful device for framing your knowledge and opinions, but if you’re thinking about using them, check out my helpful post on exactly how to get the most value from a quote in a successful personal statement…

Mistake 5: Poor proofreading . Unquestionably, one of the worst mistakes to make in the first paragraph of a personal statement is to include errors of spelling, punctuation or grammar.

If the rest of the document is accurate and concise, it might not have a significant impact, but even so, an obvious, careless error can alienate and discourage an admissions officer at the outset, making them less likely to consider the rest of the content positively or make an achievable offer. 

I usually recommend a free software tool like Grammarly for proofreading; it’s simple and effective and will serve you well at university too! 

You can find out more about Grammarly here or hit the banner below.

Good luck with your personal statement, and don’t forget to contact me if you’d like some 1-1 support. You’ve got this! D

Research and content verified by Personal Statement Planet .

David Hallen

I've worked in the Further Education and University Admissions sector for nearly 20 years as a teacher, department head, Head of Sixth Form, UCAS Admissions Advisor, UK Centre Lead and freelance personal statement advisor, editor and writer. And now I'm here for you...

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

CV personal statement examples

If you want to secure job interview, you need a strong personal statement at the top of your CV.

Your CV personal statement is a short paragraph which sits at the very top of your CV – and it’s aim is to summarise the benefits of hiring you and encourage employers to read your CV in full.

In this guide I have included 17 CV personal statement examples from a range of professions and experience levels, plus a detailed guide of how to write your own personal statement that will get you noticed by employers

CV templates 

17 CV personal statement examples

To start this guide, I have included 10 examples of good personal statements, to give you an idea of how a personal statement should look , and what should be included.

Note: personal statements are generally used by junior candidates – if you are experienced, check out our CV profile examples instead.

Graduate CV personal statement (no experience)

Although this  graduate has no paid work experience, they compensate for it by showcasing all of the skills and knowledge the have gained during their studies, and demonstrating how they apply their knowledge in academic and personal projects.

When you have little or no experience, it’s important to draw out transferable workplace skills from your studies and extracurricular work, to showcase them to employers.

Graduate CV personal statement (part time freelance experience)

This candidate has graduated with a degree in biochemistry but actually wants to start a career in digital marketing after providing some digital freelance services to fund their studies.

In this case, they haven’t made much mention of their studies because they aren’t relevant to the digital marketing agencies they are applying to. Instead they have focused their personal statement around their freelance work and passion for the digital field – although they still mention the fact they are degree educated to prove their academic success.

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School leaver CV personal statement (no experience)

This candidate is 16 years old and has no work experience whatsoever, but they compensate for this by detailing their academic achievements that relate to the roles they are applying for (maths and literacy are important requirements in finance and accountancy roles).

They also add some info on their extracurricular activities and school work-placements, to strengthen this student CV further.

    Top tips for writing a CV personal statement

• Thoroughly research the jobs and companies you are planning to apply for to identify the type of candidate they are looking for – try to reflect that in your personal statement
• Don’t be afraid to brag a little – include some of your most impressive achievements from education, work or personal life
• Focus on describing the benefits an employer will get from hiring you. Will you help them to get more customers? Improve their workplace? Save them time and money?
• If you have no work experience, demonstrate transferable workplace skills from your education, projects, or even hobbies

School leaver CV personal statement (part time experience)

Although this person has only just left school, they have also undertaken some part-time work in a call centre alongside their studies.

To make the most of this experience, they have combined their academic achievements with their workplace exposure in this personal statement.

By highlighting their GCSE results, summer programme involvement, work experience and expressing their ambitions to progress within sales, this candidate really makes an appealing case for hiring them.

College leaver CV personal statement (no experience)

This candidate has left college with good grades, but does not yet have any work experience.

To compensate for the lack of workplace exposure, they have made their A level results prominent and highlighted skills and experience which would benefit the employers they are targeting.

Any recruiter reading this profile can quickly understand that this candidate has great academic achievements, a passion for IT and finance and the ability to transfer their skills into an office environment.

College student CV personal statement (freelance experience)

As this student has picked up a small amount of freelance writing work during their studies, they have made sure to brag about it in their personal statement.

They give details on their relevant A level studies to show the skills they are learning, and boost this further by highlighting the fact that they have been applying these skills in a real-life work setting by providing freelance services.

They also include key action verbs that recruiters will be looking for , such as creative writing, working to deadlines, and producing copy.

Academic CV personal statement

Aside from junior candidates, the only other people who might use a personal statement, are academic professionals; as their CV’s tend to be more longer and detailed than other professions.

This candidate provides a high level overview of their field of study, length of experience, and the roles they have held within universities.

School leaver CV personal statement with and sports experience

Although this person has no work experience, they are still able to show employers the value of hiring them by selling their other achievements and explaining how they could benefit an organisation.

They expand on their sports club involvement to demonstrate their teamwork, leadership skills, communication and motivation, which are all important traits in the workplace, and will be looked upon favourably by recruiters and hiring managers.

They also draw upon their future plans to study business studies and take a part time job, to further prove their ambition and dedication.

History graduate CV personal statement

This history graduate proves their aptitude for both academic achievement and workplace aptitude by showcasing valuable skills from their degree and voluntary work.

They do this by breaking down the key requirements for each and showing how their skills could be beneficial for future employers, such as listening, communication, and crisis management.

They also describe how their ability to balance studies alongside voluntary work has not only boosted their knowledge and skills, but also given excellent time management and organisational skills – which are vital assets to any employer.

Law graduate CV personal statement

This legal graduate makes the most from their work university work placements by using it to bulk out the contents of their CV personal statement.

They include their degree to show they have the necessary qualifications for legal roles, which is crucial, but more importantly, they showcase how they applied their legal skills within a real-life work setting.

They give a brief overview of the types of legal professionals they have been working alongside and the type of work they have been carrying out – this is all it takes to get the attention of recruiters and show employers they have what it takes to fulfil roles in the legal sector.

Medical student CV personal statement

This medical student proves their fit for the role by showcasing the key skills they have gained from their studies and their work experience placements.

In just these few sentences, they are able to highlight the vast amount of experience they have across different disciplines in the industry, something which is particularly important in the medical sector.

As they have not graduated yet and are still studying, they have provided proof of their most recent grades. This can give the recruiter some indication as to the type of grade they could be graduating with in the near future.

Masters student CV personal statement

This masters student has started by specifying their area of study, in this case, accounting, and given details about the specific areas of finance they are most interested in. This can hint towards their career goals and passions.

They have then carefully listed some of the key areas of accounting and finance that they are proficient in. For example, business finance, advanced corporate finance and statistics.

They have also outlined some of the transferable skills needed for accounting roles that employers will be looking out for, such as communication, attention to detail and analytical skills.

Finance student CV personal statement

As this finance student has recently undertaken some relevant work experience, they’ve made sure to shout about this in their personal profile.

But more than this, they have included a list of some of the important finance skills they gained as a result of this work experience – for example, financial reporting, processing invoices and month-end reconciliations.

Plus, through power words and phrases such as ‘prevent loss’ and ‘ improve upon accuracy and efficiency’, they have also showcased how they can apply these skills in a workplace setting to benefit the potential employer.

Internship  CV personal statement

This digital marketing professional has started their personal profile by outlining their most relevant qualifications and work experience, most notably their freelance role as a content manager.

They have also provided examples of some of the key marketing skills that potential employers might be looking for, including very detailed examples of the platforms and tools they are proficient in – for example, LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest.

They have then closed their statement by giving a detailed description of the type of role or opportunity they are looking for. In this case, an in-house position in a marketing company.

Graduate career changer personal statement

Switching careers as a graduate can be tough. Especially when it comes to writing a personal statement that will attract employers in your new chosen field.

This candidate is looking to move from history teaching into journalism, so they have created a statement which briefly mentions their current workplace, but mainly focuses on highlighting transferable skills which are relevant to journalism. They achieve this by discussing the writing skills they use in their current role, and mentioning their hobby of writing – including some publications they have been featured in for extra brownie points.

Business management graduate personal statement

This business management proves their ability to work within a junior business management position by swiftly highlighting their impressive degree (to ensure it is not missed) and summarising some of the real-life experience they have gained in management during their university placements and volunteering. They do not let their lack of paid work experience, stop them demonstrating their valuable skills.

PhD graduate

PhD graduate roles attract a lot of competition, so it’s important that your CV contains a personal statement that will quickly impress and attract recruiters.

This candidate provides a short-but-comprehensive overview of their academic achievements, whilst demonstrating their exceptional level of knowledge in research, languages and publication writing.

By highlighting a number of skills and abilities that are in high-demand in the academic workplace, this CV is very likely to get noticed and land interviews.

How to write a personal statement for your CV

Now that you’ve seen what a personal statement should look like and the type of content it should contain, follow this detailed guide to one for your own CV – and start racking those interviews up.

Guide contents

What is a CV personal statement?

Cv personal statement or cv profile, personal statement format, what to include in a cv personal statement.

• Personal statement mistakes

How to write persuasively

A personal statement is a short paragraph at the top of your CV which gives employers an overview of your education, skills and experience

It’s purpose is to capture the attention of busy recruiters and hiring managers when your CV is first opened – encouraging them to read the rest of it.

You achieve this by writing a tailored summary of yourself that explains your suitability for the roles you are applying for at a very high level, and matches your target job descriptions .

One question candidates often ask me is , “what is the difference between a personal statement and a CV profile?”

To be honest, they are almost the same – they are both introductory paragraphs that sit at the top of your CV… but there are 2 main differences

A personal statement tends to be used more by junior candidates (graduates, school leavers etc.) and is relatively long and detailed.

A CV profile tends to be favoured by more experienced candidates , and is shorter in length than a personal statement.

Note: If you are an experienced candidate, you may want to switch over to my CV profile writing guide , or example CV profiles page.

To ensure you grab recruiters’ attention with your personal statement, lay it out in the following way.

Positioning

You need to ensure that your personal statement sits at the very top of your CV, and all of it should be totally visible to readers, without the need to scroll down the page.

Do this by reducing the top page margin and minimising the space taken up by your contact details.

This will ensure that your whole personal statement can be seen, as soon as your CV is opened.

We have a Word CV template which can help you to get this right.

Size/length

Your personal statement needs to contain enough detail to provide an introduction to your skills and knowledge, but not so much detail that it bores readers.

To strike the right balance, anything between 8-15 lines of text is perfect – and sentences should be sharp and to-the-point.

As with the whole of your CV or resume , your personal statement should be written in a simple clean font at around size 10-12 to ensure that it can be read easily by all recruiters and employers.

Keep the text colour simple , ensuring that it contrasts the background (black on white is best) and break it into 2 or even 3 paragraphs for a pleasant reading experience.

It should also be written in a punchy persuasive tone, to help you sell yourself and increase your chances of landing interviews , I cover how to do this in detail further down the guide.

Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional CV templates and pre-written content for every industry.

Once you have the style and format of your personal statement perfected, you need to fill it with compelling content that tells recruiters that your CV is worth reading.

Here’s what needs to go into your personal statement…

Before you start writing your personal statement, it’s crucial that you research your target roles to find out exactly what your new potential employers are looking for in a candidate.

Run a search for your target jobs on one of the major job websites , look through plenty of adverts and make a list of the candidate requirements that frequently appear.

This research will show you exactly what to include in your personal statement in order to impress the recruiters who will be reading it.

Education and qualifications are an important aspect of your personal statement, especially if you are a junior candidate.

You should highlight your highest and most relevant qualifications, whether that is a degree, A levels or GCSEs. You could potentially go into some more detail around modules, papers etc. if they are relevant to the roles you are applying for.

It’s important that you discuss the experience you have gained in your personal statement, to give readers an idea of the work you are comfortable undertaking.

This can of course be direct employed work experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

You can also include:

• School/college Uni work placements
• Voluntary work
• Personal projects
• Hobbies/interests

As with all aspects of your CV , the content should be tailored to match the requirements of your target roles.

Whilst discussing your experience, you should touch upon skills used, industries worked in, types of companies worked for, and people you have worked with.

Where possible, try to show the impact your actions have made. E.g . A customer service agent helps to make sales for their employer.

Any industry-specific knowledge you have that will be useful to your new potential employers should be made prominent within your personal statement.

For example

• Knowledge of financial regulations will be important for accountancy roles
• Knowledge of IT operating systems will be important for IT roles
• Knowledge of the national curriculum will be important for teachers

You should also include some information about the types of roles you are applying for, and why you are doing so. Try to show your interest and passion for the field you are hoping to enter, because employers want to hire people who have genuine motivation and drive in their work.

This is especially true if you don’t have much work experience, as you need something else to compensate for it.

CV personal statement mistakes

The things that you omit from your personal statement can be just as important as the things you include.

Try to keep the following out of your personal statement..

Irrelevant info

Any information that doesn’t fall into the requirements of your target roles can be cut out of your personal statement. For example, if you were a professional athlete 6 years ago, that’s great – but it won’t be relevant if you’re applying to advertising internships, so leave it out.

Generic clichés

If you are describing yourself as a “ dynamic team player with high levels of motivation and enthusiasm” you aren’t doing yourself any favours.

These cliché terms are vastly overused and don’t provide readers with any factual details about you – so keep them to a minimum.

Stick to solid facts like education, skills , experience, achievements and knowledge.

If you really want to ensure that your personal statement makes a big impact, you need to write in a persuasive manner.

So, how do you so this?

Well, you need to brag a little – but not too much

It’s about selling yourself and appearing confident, without overstepping the mark and appearing arrogant.

For example, instead of writing.

“Marketing graduate with an interest in entering the digital field”

Be creative and excite the reader by livening the sentence up like this,

“Marketing graduate with highest exam results in class and a passion for embarking on a long and successful career within digital”

The second sentence is a much more interesting, makes the candidate appear more confident, throws in some achievements, and shows off a wider range of writing skills.

Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional templates and pre-written content for every industry.

Your own personal statement will be totally unique to yourself, but by using the above guidelines you will be able to create one which shows recruiters everything they need.

Remember to keep the length between 10-20 lines and only include the most relevant information for your target roles.

You can also check our school leaver CV example , our best CV templates , or our library of example CVs from all industries.

Good luck with the job hunt!

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Gre prep online guides and tips, 3 successful graduate school personal statement examples.

Looking for grad school personal statement examples? Look no further! In this total guide to graduate school personal statement examples, we’ll discuss why you need a personal statement for grad school and what makes a good one. Then we’ll provide three graduate school personal statement samples from our grad school experts. After that, we’ll do a deep dive on one of our personal statement for graduate school examples. Finally, we’ll wrap up with a list of other grad school personal statements you can find online.

Why Do You Need a Personal Statement?

A personal statement is a chance for admissions committees to get to know you: your goals and passions, what you’ll bring to the program, and what you’re hoping to get out of the program.  You need to sell the admissions committee on what makes you a worthwhile applicant. The personal statement is a good chance to highlight significant things about you that don’t appear elsewhere on your application.

A personal statement is slightly different from a statement of purpose (also known as a letter of intent). A statement of purpose/letter of intent tends to be more tightly focused on your academic or professional credentials and your future research and/or professional interests.

While a personal statement also addresses your academic experiences and goals, you have more leeway to be a little more, well, personal. In a personal statement, it’s often appropriate to include information on significant life experiences or challenges that aren’t necessarily directly relevant to your field of interest.

Some programs ask for both a personal statement and a statement of purpose/letter of intent. In this case, the personal statement is likely to be much more tightly focused on your life experience and personality assets while the statement of purpose will focus in much more on your academic/research experiences and goals.

However, there’s not always a hard-and-fast demarcation between a personal statement and a statement of purpose. The two statement types should address a lot of the same themes, especially as relates to your future goals and the valuable assets you bring to the program. Some programs will ask for a personal statement but the prompt will be focused primarily on your research and professional experiences and interests. Some will ask for a statement of purpose but the prompt will be more focused on your general life experiences.

When in doubt, give the program what they are asking for in the prompt and don’t get too hung up on whether they call it a personal statement or statement of purpose. You can always call the admissions office to get more clarification on what they want you to address in your admissions essay.

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What Makes a Good Grad School Personal Statement?

A great graduate school personal statement can come in many forms and styles. However, strong grad school personal statement examples all share the same following elements:

A Clear Narrative

Above all, a good personal statement communicates clear messages about what makes you a strong applicant who is likely to have success in graduate school. So to that extent, think about a couple of key points that you want to communicate about yourself and then drill down on how you can best communicate those points. (Your key points should of course be related to what you can bring to the field and to the program specifically).

You can also decide whether to address things like setbacks or gaps in your application as part of your narrative. Have a low GPA for a couple semesters due to a health issue? Been out of a job for a while taking care of a family member? If you do decide to explain an issue like this, make sure that the overall arc is more about demonstrating positive qualities like resilience and diligence than about providing excuses.

Specific Examples

A great statement of purpose uses specific examples to illustrate its key messages. This can include anecdotes that demonstrate particular traits or even references to scholars and works that have influenced your academic trajectory to show that you are familiar and insightful about the relevant literature in your field.

Just saying “I love plants,” is pretty vague. Describing how you worked in a plant lab during undergrad and then went home and carefully cultivated your own greenhouse where you cross-bred new flower colors by hand is much more specific and vivid, which makes for better evidence.

A strong personal statement will describe why you are a good fit for the program, and why the program is a good fit for you. It’s important to identify specific things about the program that appeal to you, and how you’ll take advantage of those opportunities. It’s also a good idea to talk about specific professors you might be interested in working with. This shows that you are informed about and genuinely invested in the program.

Strong Writing

Even quantitative and science disciplines typically require some writing, so it’s important that your personal statement shows strong writing skills. Make sure that you are communicating clearly and that you don’t have any grammar and spelling errors. It’s helpful to get other people to read your statement and provide feedback. Plan on going through multiple drafts.

Another important thing here is to avoid cliches and gimmicks. Don’t deploy overused phrases and openings like “ever since I was a child.” Don’t structure your statement in a gimmicky way (i.e., writing a faux legal brief about yourself for a law school statement of purpose). The first will make your writing banal; the second is likely to make you stand out in a bad way.

Appropriate Boundaries

While you can be more personal in a personal statement than in a statement of purpose, it’s important to maintain appropriate boundaries in your writing. Don’t overshare anything too personal about relationships, bodily functions, or illegal activities. Similarly, don’t share anything that makes it seem like you may be out of control, unstable, or an otherwise risky investment. The personal statement is not a confessional booth. If you share inappropriately, you may seem like you have bad judgment, which is a huge red flag to admissions committees.

You should also be careful with how you deploy humor and jokes. Your statement doesn’t have to be totally joyless and serious, but bear in mind that the person reading the statement may not have the same sense of humor as you do. When in doubt, err towards the side of being as inoffensive as possible.

Just as being too intimate in your statement can hurt you, it’s also important not to be overly formal or staid. You should be professional, but conversational.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

Our graduate school experts have been kind enough to provide some successful grad school personal statement examples. We’ll provide three examples here, along with brief analysis of what makes each one successful.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 1

PDF of Sample Personal Statement 1 – Japanese Studies

For this Japanese Studies master’s degree, the applicant had to provide a statement of purpose outlining her academic goals and experience with Japanese and a separate personal statement describing her personal relationship with Japanese Studies and what led her to pursue a master’s degree.

Here’s what’s successful about this personal statement:

• An attention-grabbing beginning: The applicant begins with the statement that Japanese has never come easily to her and that it’s a brutal language to learn. Seeing as how this is an application for a Japanese Studies program, this is an intriguing beginning that makes the reader want to keep going.
• A compelling narrative: From this attention-grabbing beginning, the applicant builds a well-structured and dramatic narrative tracking her engagement with the Japanese language over time. The clear turning point is her experience studying abroad, leading to a resolution in which she has clarity about her plans. Seeing as how the applicant wants to be a translator of Japanese literature, the tight narrative structure here is a great way to show her writing skills.
• Specific examples that show important traits: The applicant clearly communicates both a deep passion for Japanese through examples of her continued engagement with Japanese and her determination and work ethic by highlighting the challenges she’s faced (and overcome) in her study of the language. This gives the impression that she is an engaged and dedicated student.

Overall, this is a very strong statement both in terms of style and content. It flows well, is memorable, and communicates that the applicant would make the most of the graduate school experience.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 2

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 2 – Musical Composition

This personal statement for a Music Composition master’s degree discusses the factors that motivate the applicant to pursue graduate study.

Here’s what works well in this statement:

• The applicant provides two clear reasons motivating the student to pursue graduate study: her experiences with music growing up, and her family’s musical history. She then supports those two reasons with examples and analysis.
• The description of her ancestors’ engagement with music is very compelling and memorable. The applicant paints her own involvement with music as almost inevitable based on her family’s long history with musical pursuits.
• The applicant gives thoughtful analysis of the advantages she has been afforded that have allowed her to study music so extensively. We get the sense that she is insightful and empathetic—qualities that would add greatly to any academic community.

This is a strong, serviceable personal statement. And in truth, given that this for a masters in music composition, other elements of the application (like work samples) are probably the most important.  However, here are two small changes I would make to improve it:

• I would probably to split the massive second paragraph into 2-3 separate paragraphs. I might use one paragraph to orient the reader to the family’s musical history, one paragraph to discuss Giacomo and Antonio, and one paragraph to discuss how the family has influenced the applicant. As it stands, it’s a little unwieldy and the second paragraph doesn’t have a super-clear focus even though it’s all loosely related to the applicant’s family history with music.
• I would also slightly shorten the anecdote about the applicant’s ancestors and expand more on how this family history has motivated the applicant’s interest in music. In what specific ways has her ancestors’ perseverance inspired her? Did she think about them during hard practice sessions? Is she interested in composing music in a style they might have played? More specific examples here would lend greater depth and clarity to the statement.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 3

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 3 – Public Health

This is my successful personal statement for Columbia’s Master’s program in Public Health. We’ll do a deep dive on this statement paragraph-by-paragraph in the next section, but I’ll highlight a couple of things that work in this statement here:

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• This statement is clearly organized. Almost every paragraph has a distinct focus and message, and when I move on to a new idea, I move on to a new paragraph with a logical transitions.
• This statement covers a lot of ground in a pretty short space. I discuss my family history, my goals, my educational background, and my professional background. But because the paragraphs are organized and I use specific examples, it doesn’t feel too vague or scattered.
• In addition to including information about my personal motivations, like my family, I also include some analysis about tailoring health interventions with my example of the Zande. This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background.

Grad School Personal Statement Example: Deep Dive

Now let’s do a deep dive, paragraph-by-paragraph, on one of these sample graduate school personal statements. We’ll use my personal statement that I used when I applied to Columbia’s public health program.

Paragraph One: For twenty-three years, my grandmother (a Veterinarian and an Epidemiologist) ran the Communicable Disease Department of a mid-sized urban public health department. The stories of Grandma Betty doggedly tracking down the named sexual partners of the infected are part of our family lore. Grandma Betty would persuade people to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, encourage safer sexual practices, document the spread of infection and strive to contain and prevent it. Indeed, due to the large gay population in the city where she worked, Grandma Betty was at the forefront of the AIDS crises, and her analysis contributed greatly towards understanding how the disease was contracted and spread. My grandmother has always been a huge inspiration to me, and the reason why a career in public health was always on my radar.

This is an attention-grabbing opening anecdote that avoids most of the usual cliches about childhood dreams and proclivities. This story also subtly shows that I have a sense of public health history, given the significance of the AIDs crisis for public health as a field.

It’s good that I connect this family history to my own interests. However, if I were to revise this paragraph again, I might cut down on some of the detail because when it comes down to it, this story isn’t really about me. It’s important that even (sparingly used) anecdotes about other people ultimately reveal something about you in a personal statement.

Paragraph Two: Recent years have cemented that interest. In January 2012, my parents adopted my little brother Fred from China. Doctors in America subsequently diagnosed Fred with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD). My parents were told that if Fred’s condition had been discovered in China, the (very poor) orphanage in which he spent the first 8+ years of his life would have recognized his DMD as a death sentence and denied him sustenance to hasten his demise.

Here’s another compelling anecdote to help explain my interest in public health. This is an appropriately personal detail for a personal statement—it’s a serious thing about my immediate family, but it doesn’t disclose anything that the admissions committee might find concerning or inappropriate.

If I were to take another pass through this paragraph, the main thing I would change is the last phrase. “Denied him sustenance to hasten his demise” is a little flowery. “Denied him food to hasten his death” is actually more powerful because it’s clearer and more direct.

Paragraph Three: It is not right that some people have access to the best doctors and treatment while others have no medical care. I want to pursue an MPH in Sociomedical Sciences at Columbia because studying social factors in health, with a particular focus on socio-health inequities, will prepare me to address these inequities. The interdisciplinary approach of the program appeals to me greatly as I believe interdisciplinary approaches are the most effective way to develop meaningful solutions to complex problems.

In this paragraph I make a neat and clear transition from discussing what sparked my interest in public health and health equity to what I am interested in about Columbia specifically: the interdisciplinary focus of the program, and how that focus will prepare me to solve complex health problems. This paragraph also serves as a good pivot point to start discussing my academic and professional background.

Paragraph Four: My undergraduate education has prepared me well for my chosen career. Understanding the underlying structure of a group’s culture is essential to successfully communicating with the group. In studying folklore and mythology, I’ve learned how to parse the unspoken structures of folk groups, and how those structures can be used to build bridges of understanding. For example, in a culture where most illnesses are believed to be caused by witchcraft, as is the case for the Zande people of central Africa, any successful health intervention or education program would of necessity take into account their very real belief in witchcraft.

In this paragraph, I link my undergraduate education and the skills I learned there to public health. The (very brief) analysis of tailoring health interventions to the Zande is a good way to show insight and show off the competencies I would bring to the program.

Paragraph Five: I now work in the healthcare industry for one of the largest providers of health benefits in the world. In addition to reigniting my passion for data and quantitative analytics, working for this company has immersed me in the business side of healthcare, a critical component of public health.

This brief paragraph highlights my relevant work experience in the healthcare industry. It also allows me to mention my work with data and quantitative analytics, which isn’t necessarily obvious from my academic background, which was primarily based in the social sciences.

Paragraph Six: I intend to pursue a PhD in order to become an expert in how social factors affect health, particularly as related to gender and sexuality. I intend to pursue a certificate in Sexuality, Sexual Health, and Reproduction. Working together with other experts to create effective interventions across cultures and societies, I want to help transform health landscapes both in America and abroad.

This final paragraph is about my future plans and intentions. Unfortunately, it’s a little disjointed, primarily because I discuss goals of pursuing a PhD before I talk about what certificate I want to pursue within the MPH program! Switching those two sentences and discussing my certificate goals within the MPH and then mentioning my PhD plans would make a lot more sense.

I also start two sentences in a row with “I intend,” which is repetitive.

The final sentence is a little bit generic; I might tailor it to specifically discuss a gender and sexual health issue, since that is the primary area of interest I’ve identified.

This was a successful personal statement; I got into (and attended!) the program. It has strong examples, clear organization, and outlines what interests me about the program (its interdisciplinary focus) and what competencies I would bring (a background in cultural analysis and experience with the business side of healthcare). However, a few slight tweaks would elevate this statement to the next level.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples You Can Find Online

So you need more samples for your personal statement for graduate school? Examples are everywhere on the internet, but they aren’t all of equal quality.

Most of examples are posted as part of writing guides published online by educational institutions. We’ve rounded up some of the best ones here if you are looking for more personal statement examples for graduate school.

Penn State Personal Statement Examples for Graduate School

This selection of ten short personal statements for graduate school and fellowship programs offers an interesting mix of approaches. Some focus more on personal adversity while others focus more closely on professional work within the field.

The writing in some of these statements is a little dry, and most deploy at least a few cliches. However, these are generally strong, serviceable statements that communicate clearly why the student is interested in the field, their skills and competencies, and what about the specific program appeals to them.

Cal State Sample Graduate School Personal Statements

These are good examples of personal statements for graduate school where students deploy lots of very vivid imagery and illustrative anecdotes of life experiences. There are also helpful comments about what works in each of these essays.

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However, all of these statements are definitely pushing the boundaries of acceptable length, as all are above 1000 and one is almost 1500 words! Many programs limit you to 500 words; if you don’t have a limit, you should try to keep it to two single-spaced pages at most (which is about 1000 words).

University of Chicago Personal Statement for Graduate School Examples

These examples of successful essays to the University of Chicago law school cover a wide range of life experiences and topics. The writing in all is very vivid, and all communicate clear messages about the students’ strengths and competencies.

Note, however, that these are all essays that specifically worked for University of Chicago law school. That does not mean that they would work everywhere. In fact, one major thing to note is that many of these responses, while well-written and vivid, barely address the students’ interest in law school at all! This is something that might not work well for most graduate programs.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 10

This successful essay for law school from a Wheaton College undergraduate does a great job tracking the student’s interest in the law in a compelling and personal way. Wheaton offers other graduate school personal statement examples, but this one offers the most persuasive case for the students’ competencies. The student accomplishes this by using clear, well-elaborated examples, showing strong and vivid writing, and highlighting positive qualities like an interest in justice and empathy without seeming grandiose or out of touch.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 1

Based on the background information provided at the bottom of the essay, this essay was apparently successful for this applicant. However, I’ve actually included this essay because it demonstrates an extremely risky approach. While this personal statement is strikingly written and the story is very memorable, it could definitely communicate the wrong message to some admissions committees. The student’s decision not to report the drill sergeant may read incredibly poorly to some admissions committees. They may wonder if the student’s failure to report the sergeant’s violence will ultimately expose more soldiers-in-training to the same kinds of abuses. This incident perhaps reads especially poorly in light of the fact that the military has such a notable problem with violence against women being covered up and otherwise mishandled

It’s actually hard to get a complete picture of the student’s true motivations from this essay, and what we have might raise real questions about the student’s character to some admissions committees. This student took a risk and it paid off, but it could have just as easily backfired spectacularly.

Key Takeaways: Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

In this guide, we discussed why you need a personal statement and how it differs from a statement of purpose. (It’s more personal!)

We also discussed what you’ll find in a strong sample personal statement for graduate school:

• A clear narrative about the applicant and why they are qualified for graduate study.
• Specific examples to support that narrative.
• Compelling reasons why the applicant and the program are a good fit for each other.
• Strong writing, including clear organization and error-free, cliche-free language.
• Appropriate boundaries—sharing without over-sharing.

Then, we provided three strong graduate school personal statement examples for different fields, along with analysis. We did a deep-dive on the third statement.

Finally, we provided a list of other sample grad school personal statements online.

What’s Next?

Want more advice on writing a personal statement ? See our guide.

Writing a graduate school statement of purpose? See our statement of purpose samples  and a nine-step process for writing the best statement of purpose possible .

If you’re writing a graduate school CV or resume, see our how-to guide to writing a CV , a how-to guide to writing a resume , our list of sample resumes and CVs , resume and CV templates , and a special guide for writing resume objectives .

Need stellar graduate school recommendation letters ? See our guide.

See our 29 tips for successfully applying to graduate school .

Ready to improve your GRE score by 7 points?

Author: Ellen McCammon

Ellen is a public health graduate student and education expert. She has extensive experience mentoring students of all ages to reach their goals and in-depth knowledge on a variety of health topics. View all posts by Ellen McCammon

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How to Write a Personal Statement - Easy Tips & Examples

10+ Personal Statement Examples to Elevate Your Application

Common App Personal Statement Prompts - 2024

Do you struggle with formatting your personal statement? Many students face challenges when it comes to formatting their personal statements.

It's common for students to feel unsure about how to structure their personal statements. Questions like, "How do I organize it? What tone should I use? Am I including the right information?" can be really stressful and confusing, adding more pressure to an already stressful application process.

But don't worry! This blog is here to help. We'll make it easy for you to understand personal statement formatting, so you can create a strong and impressive personal statement. 

So, let’s begin!

• 1. What is a Correct Personal Statement Format?
• 2. How to Format A Personal Statement
• 3. Personal Statement Format Examples

What is a Correct Personal Statement Format?

Like other academic papers, personal statements should also be formatted and structured according to a standard set of guidelines. In this way, you can make sure all the information in your personal statement is in an organized manner.

Usually the guidelines for formatting are provided by institutions where you are applying. Different institutions can have varying requirements so it's important to be mindful of their requirements.

However, here are the basic guidelines that you can follow if you don’t know how to format a personal statement.

• Word Limit: Aim for around 500 words, staying within 495-505 words.
• Spacing: Use single-spacing within paragraphs and add an extra line of space between each paragraph.
• Font Style: Opt for a universally accepted font style, such as Times New Roman.
• Font Size: Maintain a 12-point font size throughout your personal statement.
• Header: Include your name and the page number in the header of each page for easy organization.

A standard formatting convention should be used to make your personal statement readable. Keep in mind that review committees go through hundreds of personal statements so it is important to make sure your personal statement stands out. 

Here is a sample personal statement format template you can use to write a personal statement:

How to Format A Personal Statement

The requirements for writing a personal statement vary, but generally, a personal statement includes certain information in the following format.

Step 1 - Determining Word Limit and Line-Spacing

Knowing the word limit is crucial. Ensure your personal statement aligns with the specified range, that is typically around 500 words. 

Implement double-spacing within paragraphs, adding an extra line of space between each paragraph. This technique creates a visually clear and structured layout for easy reading.

Step 2 - Font Style and Size

Consistency in font style is important for readability. Choose a widely accepted and easily readable font like Times New Roman or Arial. 

Maintain a font size of 12 points throughout your personal statement. This standard size aids in presenting a professional appearance and facilitates smooth reading.

Step 3 - Header Inclusion for Organization

To keep your document organized, consider including the title and page number in the header of each page. 

This simple addition aids in document management and ensures easy navigation, particularly if your personal statement extends across multiple pages.

Step 4 - Structuring the Content

Your personal statement's structure plays a pivotal role in its impact. Here's a breakdown of how to organize your narrative effectively:

• Opening Paragraph - Begin with an introduction that clearly states the purpose of your personal statement. Engage the reader with an attention-grabbing opening statement and specify the program or position you're applying for.
• Body Paragraphs - Detail your academic background, relevant experiences, and accomplishments. Showcase your skills and attributes as a strong candidate, write about any extra activities you took part in high school. Explain why the program or position you're applying for interests you and how it aligns with your ambitions.
• Transition to Goals - Smoothly transition from your experiences to your goals, setting the stage for discussing your academic and career aspirations. Express gratitude for considering your application and end with a memorable statement or closing remark.

Step 5 - Finalizing Your Personal Statement

Ensure your personal statement is signed off with your full name. If submitting a printed copy, include your signature for authenticity. Proofread your document for clarity, coherence, and accuracy before submission.

Remember, each organization may have its own set of rules, so always double-check and follow their specific guidelines for the final touches on your personal statement.

Personal Statement Format Examples

If you are looking for helpful personal statement format examples, you are at the right place. Going through examples is one of the best practices to get an idea of how to write a perfect personal statement.

That’s why we have provided you with some good personal statement format examples to help you know what specific details should be included. 

Personal Statement Format For Grad School

Personal Statement Format For University

Personal Statement Format Law School

Personal Statement Format For College

Personal Statement Format For Masters

Personal Statement Format For Job

Personal Statement Format For Scholarship

Check out more flawlessly formatted personal statement examples to learn more!

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Residency Personal Statement: The Ultimate Guide (Example Included)

A step-by-step medical residency personal statement guide to help you match into your dream program plus an analysis of a full example essay.

Part 1: Introduction

Part 2: brainstorming topics for your personal statement, part 3: how to write an amazing residency personal statement, part 4: in-depth analysis of a full-length personal statement example, appendix: frequently asked questions.

Applying to medical residency programs isn’t exactly easy. After four years of medical school, and years more spent before that preparing for medical school, you’re probably ready for a breather. But residency applications hit you with everything from USMLE scores to Medical School Performance Evaluations (MSPEs). The uncertainty leading up to match day can be stressful and anxiety inducing—will your near-decade of work pay off?

Thankfully, the residency application process is fairly transparent—we know what the most important aspects of the residency application are. Every two years, the NRMP’s Program Director Survey reveals which factors are cited as the most crucial components of your residency application and are thus the core deciders for whether or not you’ll get an interview. Though the exact ranking varies from year to year and according to specialty, typically you’ll find USMLE scores, letters of recommendation from physicians in your targeted specialty, and MSPEs hovering at the top.

But these materials may not express what drew you to the specialty in question or what got you into medicine in general. And though it can seem as if programs are overwhelmingly interested in your scores and evaluations, they are also interested in the person behind the grades.

In this guide, we’ll discuss the factor that was fourth-most cited by program directors on the NRMP’s 2020 survey: the residency personal statement.

Before we get into the step-by-step guide, we’ll offer some general framing thoughts. Being able to communicate your motivations and personality through your application, especially your personal statement, bodes well for your ability to bring that same enthusiasm and drive as a resident and in the rest of your career as a physician, so take note. 

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Why does the residency personal statement matter?

The personal statement is an essay of about a page (one page in ERAS is 3,500 characters including spaces) in which you articulate who you are and why you want to enter a certain specialty. It’s your big opportunity to set yourself apart from other applicants by highlighting anything that isn’t well represented in other parts of your application but that nevertheless contextualizes your CV and accomplishments. This context could include interesting life experiences and motivations for pursuing a given specialty. 

There’s a good reason the personal statement is relevant for program directors. Because so much of the information that programs have to determine whether you’ll be a good fit is quantitative in nature, it’s likely that programs will receive many applicants who have similarly competitive scores and grades. What can serve as a tiebreaker?

Letters of recommendation offer qualitative information. But the personal statement is the main opportunity for you to directly make a case for yourself, on qualitative terms, before you attend residency interviews .

The personal statement can also weed out applicants who don’t demonstrate an adequate understanding of their specialty of interest or who come across as pretentious and pompous. For this reason, in addition to the basic requirements of proper grammar and spelling, you’ll need to strike the right tone with your essay: seeming aware of your motivations and accomplishments to date, passionate about what you hope to achieve in the specialty, and also humble.

Remember: a great personal statement cannot save an otherwise weak application, but a poor one could hurt an otherwise strong application.

What should the personal statement accomplish?

The residency personal statement should include and reflect:

What draws you to the specialty

The skills or qualities that will help you succeed during the residency and as a practicing physician

Your long-term plans, what you hope to accomplish, and your preferred setting

Personal attributes that make you well-suited to the specialty and training

What attracts you to a particular program (if you’re applying for a specific program outside of the national matching system or if you customize a personal statement within NRMP) 

Ultimately, the combination of these elements will give program directors a sense of the kind of colleague you would be and how you would fit into their program.

Meet our students

Throughout this post, we’ll provide examples from students who have gone through this process so you can see their writing in action.

Roger: Roger immigrated from Mexico as a teen and attends a medical school in a rural area. His path to medicine wasn’t straightforward. After graduating from high school, he worked for several years in construction, quickly climbing the ranks to become project manager for a small roofing firm before deciding to go back to school. He hopes to specialize in dermatology because, after growing up in poverty and performing blue-collar work for years, he wants a comfortable life that will allow him to focus on his growing family. 

Mohana: Mohana entered medical school believing her path was pediatrics. But after an away rotation in radiology, she’s leaning toward radiology, having become attracted to the more technical aspects of the field and its work-life balance. After years of schooling, Mohana mostly wants time for her musical hobbies.

Cynthia: Cynthia either wants to work at a research hospital or practice gynecology. She thinks she could be happy with either, but knows she’d be happiest if she could do both. She also received an MPH before attending medical school. Cynthia still has a taste for social justice, but it isn’t always evident on her CV.

Kazuo: Kazuo initially wanted to pursue thoracic surgery, but after spending time with surgeons, he decided the culture was not for him. Now he’s certain he wants to pursue anesthesiology, and isn’t entirely sure how to convey his interest. He is worried this change of heart may hurt his chances of matching into his top programs.

Brainstorming topics

Before you begin writing, set aside time to brainstorm. Whether you have an idea in your head or are struggling with where to start, freeform thinking can expand your options, call to mind experiences you hadn’t considered, or even help you pick unique interests you otherwise might have left out.

If you’re uncertain of how to proceed, jot down your answers to the following questions:

What first drew you to medicine?

Was there an experience, clinical or otherwise, that had a significant impact on you? What was it and why is it meaningful?

When did you know you wanted to pursue the specialty in question? What attracted you to the specialty?

What are your greatest qualities? When have you demonstrated these qualities?

Where do you see yourself 20 years into your career as a physician?

What’s an important part of who you are that isn’t on your resume?

Who are your role models and why?

What are your most meaningful extracurricular activities? Why?

What’s an accomplishment you are most proud of?

What was your most enlightening moment?

What medical cause do you care about most, and how did you come to care about it?

These are just a few questions to get started. Add more as they occur to you.

Another way to approach the personal statement is to ask what qualities make a good physician in your target specialty and consider how you embody those qualities. For example, here are a few qualities that might represent pediatric neurology: 

Strong communication or interpersonal skills

Attentiveness

Technologically inclined

Passion for advocacy

Ingenuity 

After brainstorming, take anywhere from a few hours to a day or a week to step away from your notes. This will help you as you move onto the next step: focusing your ideas.

Focusing your ideas

Here are some sample topics our residency applicants came up with:

An accidental run-in with poison ivy

Advocating for his Spanish-speaking roofing clients

Adjusting to the U.S. after immigrating from a small town in Mexico

Teaching herself MaxMSP programming skills

Babysitting her nieces and nephews

Her away rotation in radiology

Giving sex-ed talks in local middle schools

Being a surrogate daughter for her next-door neighbor, Leticia

Presenting her research findings at conferences

Kazuo  

His ten-year meditation practice

His experience in surgery rotation

Admiration for his father, who taught him darkroom photography

Once you’ve generated your list of ideas, consider how they do or do not compellingly answer the following questions:

Why this specialty?

Before writing your personal statement, you should be very clear, personally, on why the specialty you’ve chosen is the right one for you.

Program directors want to know that you have a realistic idea of what your specialty will entail. For instance, you might be interested in plastic surgery because it’s a highly paid field but fail to understand the importance of artistic anatomy in its practice. If your application fails to convey compelling reasons for pursuing a specialty beyond high salaries or the potential lifestyle benefits associated with it (especially true for specialties like radiology and dermatology), it may cost you an interview invitation.

(Suggested reading: The Most Competitive Medical Residencies: A Complete List )

What strengths do I have that are not apparent in my other application materials?

Though your recommenders may offer a sense of your personality and interests, you are in the best position to include meaningful details that can’t be found on a CV. What aspects of your life do you think might compel a selection committee to pick you over other applicants? What makes you unique?

How do I embody the qualities of a good physician in the specialty?

This is slightly different from understanding the realistic requirements of a given specialty. Instead, it joins the strengths of your full life to the characteristics of an exemplary practitioner in your field of choice. 

For instance, an anesthesiologist who performs their role well may go unnoticed by a patient, whereas a pediatrician who is too technically inclined may come across as cold or uncaring. The decisiveness of a surgeon in the OR is distinct from a psychiatrist adjusting a patient’s depression medication through trial and error over time. Make sure that the details you select speak to the qualities of your chosen specialty.

Let’s look at how our students applied these principles.

With two young children and another on the way, Roger wants good work hours and enough money to give his children a high quality of life. He’d never thought much about dermatology until he had accidental contact with poison ivy and took an elective in the specialty. Also, Roger hopes to practice in a rural setting because the low cost of living would facilitate his family-oriented lifestyle, but he knows he must communicate a more selfless reason in his personal statement. Roger’s approach will combine seemingly unlike things (roofing, dermatology, advocacy for rural patients) into one cohesive portrait of who he is and what matters to him.

Mohana doesn’t list her hobby on her resume, so writing about it for her personal statement will illuminate a side of her that neither quantitative scores nor letters of recommendation can comment on. Programming beats is Mohana’s passion, and she wants to show off how her technical prowess can serve her in the field of radiology.

But what to make of her experience babysitting her nieces and nephews? For Mohana, childcare helped her learn that she was particularly adept at soothing children in unfamiliar situations. It isn’t her strongest idea because she’s primarily interested in diagnostic radiology but including it may convey to program directors that she understands that radiology remains as patient-centered as any other medical discipline. 

So far, Roger and Mohana are using their experiences to tell a story, not just enumerate things they’ve done. At the end of the day, great personal statements tell stories—about you, your journey, and why you’re right for a given specialty. If your idea is a topic without a story, it’s not worth mentioning.

Questions to determine if an idea can be a story:

Can you reference a specific anecdote (a day, a summer, an interaction)? Can you include significant details that convey the specificity of what you experienced?

Is yours a story no one else could tell? You want a story that, even if someone had the same jobs, schools, or extracurricular activities as you, they would not be able to write in the same way.

Does the narrative have an arc? Do you demonstrate growth and insight over a period of time?

Is the voice of the essay yours? Is the language lively?

Regardless of the idea, you should be able to answer yes to at least one of these questions.

To that end, while Cynthia felt that her positive experiences presenting her research at conferences best expressed her passion for research, this information was readily available on her resume and could be a sentence in her personal statement, not an entire framing narrative.

On the other hand, Cynthia’s experience serving as a “surrogate” child for her neighbor, Leticia, could be used to encompass her interests in reproductive health, patient advocacy, and gynecology. Leticia, an elderly woman who had never had children of her own, was sterilized without her consent while receiving an appendectomy as a teenager in the 1960s. The injustice of this fueled Cynthia throughout her medical education.

Similarly, Kazuo thought his experience in the operating room was a natural place to begin: it was where he discovered he did not want to be a thoracic surgeon after all, but an anesthesiologist. But to convey a greater sense of his levelheadedness and exactitude, he chose to also talk about his role model—his photographer father—and the lessons learned in darkrooms and meditation, neither of which could readily be written about by another applicant.

Start with an outline

With so many great ideas and a narrative in mind, you might be tempted to start writing your essay now. But an outline will keep your ideas organized and help you write more efficiently. Even if you don’t start draft one with an outline and instead just “vomit draft,” consider making draft two a reverse outline so that at some point you have structure guiding you.

Here’s one path to follow:

First paragraph: Lead with detail

The residency personal statement is short—under 3,500 characters—and this brevity creates constraints. While an opening anecdote is a good approach to hook readers, you may choose to describe a situation or an experience more generally to accommodate the brevity.

Both options are possible, but what you choose depends on the anecdote in question and what you hope to accomplish over the course of the statement. The point is to pin your unique story to your interest in medicine by the end of the first paragraph if you can, but at the very least by the end of the second paragraph.

How do you choose your opening story? One way is to check against the questions above: Can you remember specific details? Is it something only you could write? Is there an arc or will there be one over a few paragraphs, even the whole essay?

Kazuo has a specific anecdote in mind for his hook: the first day of his surgery rotation. As you’ll see, the essay passes the specificity test by the strength of its details—an ovary riddled with cysts, the bright OR light, the origins of Kazuo’s surgical interest, the introduction of the father as a character—and sets Kazuo up to discuss how he came to be interested in anesthesiology. 

One of the most powerful moments in my medical education occurred during an oophorectomy. As Dr. Srivastava removed a cyst-riddled ovary, I noted that his calm was contagious; I felt focused but at ease. The surgery finished without a hitch. In fact, it was anticlimactic, even unremarkable. Having dreamed of becoming a surgeon since age 16, when my father had to undergo emergency surgery after a heart attack, it was a let-down. But my photographer father’s words on darkroom printing—“Look at the shadows, and they will guide you”—made me reconsider. When I looked away from the bright overhead light, I saw the reason for our calm: our anesthesiologist, Dr. Grant, had been silently watching the whole time, making sure the infusion was working as planned. 

Roger, on the other hand, describes a situation that conveys the roots of his advocacy.

 As a young roofing project manager, I chose to work with Spanish-speaking clients with roofs leaky from hailstorms many years prior. Because I was born in Mexico and had spent my younger years there, I felt a special connection when aiding non-English-speaking families who otherwise may have had difficulty navigating a complex insurance process to restore their damaged homes. I spent hundreds of hours learning to inspect and scrutinize the sometimes subtle, timeworn signs of hail damage to expertly advocate for those families. It was this love of advocacy, combined with my later love of biologic systems, which drew me to medicine. 

By distilling the career wisdom of years into one crystal clear statement about the relationship between allyship and medicine, Roger is anticipating an arc he will develop across the length of the essay while setting himself apart from his more traditional colleagues.

Body paragraphs: Connect your narrative to a thesis

Roger has, by the end of the first paragraph, indicated what drew him to medicine in the first place. This is a good approach, and a model that works for articulating the thesis for the specialty as well. 

Mohana gives her thesis in her second paragraph. Her opening anecdote was about how playing her first MaxMSP composition for friends was the culmination of hours of online tutorials and technical discussions on programming forums.

She describes the elation she felt at seeing her creation come to life for others and the satisfaction she received from sharing a common language with those who like learning through doing. This anecdote conveys something about Mohana’s personal qualities but doesn’t mention medicine at all. 

That’s where her second paragraph comes in. 

My passion for making music machines and my interest in radiology are fraternal twins. I want to be a radiologist because it would put my analytic skills to use just as trouble-shooting atonal compositions compelled me to search for answers. As someone who enjoys collaboratively finding creative solutions to seemingly intractable problems, I am especially suited to being a “doctor’s doctor”—a radiologist. I love talking shop with knowledgeable colleagues. Establishing a common diagnostic vocabulary with fellow clinicians intrigues me most of all. In fact, my radiology rotation felt like a real-life MaxMSP forum except that, instead of collectively developing an audio patch, we jointly scrutinized sagittal reconstructions for complex fractures.

Connect the personal to the professional

Having described the impact of growing up next door to Leticia, Cynthia connects that personal story to how she envisions moving forward in her professional life in her third paragraph. She also takes the opportunity to make a case for both research and clinical practice, giving herself a flexible statement that could suit a variety of program environments.

As I researched sources of misdiagnosis among OB/GYNs, particularly pertaining to endometriosis and hormonal disorders, I was driven by memories of Leticia. She once described how it took her ten years after her forced sterilization to understand the female reproductive system enough to comprehend what had been taken from her. As an OB/GYN, I would make sure no patient left my examination room without a clear understanding of her reproductive health. Moreover, the sex-ed I do in Baltimore middle schools has inspired me to share my research findings through outreach. Over time, my clinical and research experiences will give me the authority to advocate for reproductive health education reform. It is my ultimate goal to ensure that no young woman suffer as Leticia did. 

Demonstrate change and growth over time

One way to keep a personal statement reader engaged is by using the tried and true storytelling methods of conflict and resolution. Put another way, things have to happen—specifically, they have to change.

Body paragraphs are the perfect place to develop these transformations. What events incited your growth? How are these shifts related to your interest in pursuing a specialty or the kind of practitioner you will be?

Kazuo, for example, reckoned with the realization that surgery proper was not for him. But rather than consider this a failure of direction on his part, Kazuo uses this to his advantage, spinning it as a successful reorientation that more closely aligned with his experiences and values.

I was excited to alternate between preoperative procedures and pain management in the anesthesiology rotation. Some tasks felt familiar; assisting the attending in diluting medications called to mind the exact ratios I once mixed for my father’s developer and fixer so that his prints expressed the full gradient between black and white. Other tasks, like induction and the occasional corrections required for maintenance, were foreign. But the beeping monitors and visual cues entered my mind like the thoughts I’ve aimed to consider without fear or anxiety in my ten years of meditating. By honing my attention in darkrooms and in silent morning meditations, I’ve become attuned to others, often anticipating the needs of recovering patients before they can articulate these themselves. My anesthesiology rotation helped me understand that behind every unremarkable surgery was a great deal of foresight and diligence. These are the qualities I enjoy exercising most.   

Notice how Kazuo includes personal biographical details and establishes their relevance to anesthesiology. Interests aren’t mentioned just for the sake of mentioning them. They have been selected because they illuminate some aspect of Kazuo, whether it’s his longtime—and personally meaningful—interest in mixing solutions or his mindfulness. 

More importantly, however, is that these align with the qualities of a good anesthesiologist. For Kazuo, an anesthesiologist should not merely be reactive, but proactive, “anticipating the needs of recovering patients before they can articulate these themselves.” By the last line, Kazuo’s body paragraph is in conversation with his opening anecdote. In fact, Kazuo has demonstrated a transformation from the naïve student in the surgery rotation to the attentive, proactive, and self-aware anesthesiologist-to-be.

Communicate the kind of specialist you hope to be

Kazuo wants to exercise his foresight, diligence, and calm. Mohana wants to be a “doctor’s doctor.” Here are how Cynthia and Roger express the qualities they would like to respectively embody. 

I want to take the expertise I gain in my OB/GYN practice and reproductive health research and apply it in policy.  

Short, sweet, and to the point. Roger chooses to convey his ultimate goals in his conclusion, which can also be an acceptable approach if your essay’s structure invites it.

I intend to apply my passion for human connection and community to providing high-quality dermatologic care and research to communities which have traditionally had difficulty accessing care.

In one sentence, Roger synthesizes the different facets of his interest in dermatology and returns to the advocacy he first mentioned in his intro paragraph.

Conclusion: Tie it all together

Your concluding paragraph should leave selection committees with an understanding of who you are and why you’re applying. There are several ways to think about an ending to successfully avoid falling victim to clichés:

Don’t pre-write your ending. Some people have deeply ingrained ideas of what an essay’s conclusion should accomplish and can even write with a conclusion already in mind. However, it’s best to let a conclusion naturally respond to the elements in the essay, so don’t force it.

Avoid declarative sentences. Program directors see it all the time: “And that’s what would make me a great oncologist” or “I would bring these skills to your program.” Don’t let their eyes glaze over. Write something more unique.  

Consider ending on an image or with a callback to where you began the essay. This is one of the most organic and satisfying ways to conclude any piece of writing. Mohana’s essay, for instance, opens with playing her music for others. She closes with the following.

There is a joy in finding your tribe. I’m lucky to have several. The wider world of musical programmers is my creative community and the radiology team at Beth Israel Deaconess is an example of my ideal medical community. Whether creating a neural network for note generation or exploring new possibilities for interventional radiology, I know my fascination with innovation, technique, and diagnosis will help me find harmony between invention and the tried-and-true backbone of medicine–excellent patient care. People-centered radiology–that’s music to my ears.  

After you’ve finished the first draft of your residency personal statement

First, celebrate! Writing is hard no matter what, and the fact that you’ve accomplished anything with language is no small feat. But you’re just getting started. Settle in for some revisions:

Read your essay aloud. This will alert you to typos, problems of pacing, and issues of form that you might otherwise miss. Reading aloud also helps you get a sense for your essay’s voice—it should sound like you when read aloud.

Ask for feedback . You should have a trusted peer, professor, specialty advisor, or admissions counselor read your essay. The core question to ask them is, “Do you have a good sense of who I am and why I want to pursue this specialty after reading this?” If the answer is no, revise, revise, revise.

For big changes, don’t edit—rewrite. It can be a pain to invest so much time into a draft only to scrap it, but if you decide on structural revisions or major changes in content, start with a new document. Starting anew may give you a more cohesive and coherent final product. This doesn’t mean all your hard work was in vain. Print out a hard copy of your original, keep it on the table beside you, and open a clean doc. Drawing from your previous draft for your revision will ensure you have one essay at the end, not two spliced together.  

Before we go into our analysis, consider reading the personal statement example in its entirety. As you go through it, keep the following questions in mind: 

Does Roger demonstrate an understanding of his specialty of interest, including the kind of qualities an exemplary resident in the specialty must possess? If so, which ones?

Does Roger tell a story about how his interest developed? How does Roger demonstrate growth and change?

Could anyone have written this statement, or is it unique to Roger?

After reading the statement, do you have a good sense of who Roger is and why he wants to pursue dermatology? 

Let’s look at the dermatology statement Roger produced based on the process we described.

As a young roofing project manager, I chose to work with Spanish-speaking clients with roofs leaky from hailstorms many years prior. Because I was born in Mexico and had spent my younger years there, I felt a special connection when aiding non-English-speaking families who otherwise may have had difficulty navigating a complex insurance process to restore their damaged homes. I spent hundreds of hours learning to inspect and scrutinize the sometimes subtle, timeworn signs of hail damage to expertly advocate for those families. It was this love of advocacy, combined with my later love of biologic systems, which drew me to medicine. 

In medical school, I serendipitously found the specialty within which I wanted to apply this passion after accidentally dumping a bag of mulched poison ivy on my head. The resulting rash was painful but interesting and sparked a curiosity in cutaneous manifestations of disease that later led me to a dermatology elective. There, I was impressed by the dermatologist’s keen eye for detail, and I found the diagnostic challenge and the detail-driven expertise to be both fascinating and rewarding.  

Each new rash I saw was reminiscent of inspecting leaky roofs and I wanted to emulate my new mentors, who had developed the ability to diagnose and treat skin disease based on the subtle cues they saw. Such was the case when a grizzled farmer from a distant rural community with infrequent follow-up ascribed a sore on his arm to a specific trauma. Despite this history, the dermatologist recognized some subtle and suspicious features, prompting a biopsy that later showed invasive squamous cell carcinoma. In addition to the dermatologist’s diagnostic acumen, it was her relationship with the patient and her understanding of his community, values, and risk factors that allowed her to guide this patient to a better outcome.

In medical school I have enjoyed caring for those who, for cultural, insurance, or geographic reasons, have difficultly receiving care. After one shift in my inpatient pediatrics rotation, I brought my guitar to play for a Latino boy who was dying from leukemia and made his parents my favorite recipe for chile verde with pork. Although I couldn’t offer any more to them medically, I hoped to aid the fear and disconnection they had expressed with the unfamiliar environment now surrounding them. The connection made in that moment helped ease their suffering and fostered a better union between the treatment team and patient.

Multiple studies have suggested that outcomes for dermatologic conditions tend to be poorer in certain demographics. As part of my own research, I have begun investigating these disparities. This has included a research project where we evaluated the effects of social and demographic factors on melanoma outcomes. One finding that spoke to me was that outcomes tended to be poorer in areas with fewer dermatologists. Having grown up in a small town and having completed medical school in a more rural area, I feel a special connection to these communities. I hope to continue to engage in research that better elucidates these disparities to supply better care to these populations.

In my career I intend to apply my passion for human connection and community to providing high-quality dermatologic care and research to communities which have traditionally had difficulty accessing care. Training at your program would enable me to meet these goals and effectively treat and advocate for these patients. 

(Word count: 563; Character count: 3,498)

Residency personal statement analysis  

Let’s analyze the entire personal statement section by section and answer the questions posed above.

Introduction  

As a young roofing project manager, I chose to work with Spanish-speaking clients with roofs leaky from hail storms many years prior. Because I was born in Mexico and had spent my younger years there, I felt a special connection when aiding non-English-speaking families who otherwise may have had difficulty navigating a complex insurance process to restore their damaged homes. I spent hundreds of hours learning to inspect and scrutinize the sometimes subtle, time-worn signs of hail damage to expertly advocate for those families. It was this love of advocacy, combined with my later love of biologic systems, that drew me to medicine.

Roger leads with details like “roofs leaky from hail storms” and “time-worn signs of hail damage” that make his previous career in construction vivid in the reader’s mind. The specificity also ensures that only Roger could write an introduction like this. He indicates the hundreds of hours he spent learning to examine subtle signs of roof damage in a manner that suggests, without stating it outright, both the kind of learner Roger would be as a dermatology resident and the transferable qualities he gained from his work and life experiences.

The last line of the paragraph, which helps anchor the reader in Roger’s motivations from the beginning, describes how Roger’s interest came to be. This thesis makes it much easier to navigate the essay and helps Roger compellingly articulate who he is and why he has chosen to apply for dermatology.

Body section 1: Specialty

In medical school, I serendipitously found the specialty within which I wanted to apply this passion after accidentally dumping a bag of mulched poison ivy on my head. The resulting rash was painful but interesting and sparked a curiosity in cutaneous manifestations of disease that later led me to a dermatology elective. There, I was impressed by the dermatologist’s keen eye for detail, and I found the diagnostic challenge and the detail-driven expertise to be both fascinating and rewarding. 

In this section, Roger emphasizes his interest in dermatology and develops the idea he introduced in his opening paragraph: being attuned to subtle signs of damage. Roger finds kinship in the dermatologist’s “keen eye for detail,” relishes the “diagnostic challenge,” and emphasizes “detail-driven expertise”—all qualities he previously expressed about himself as a roofer and which he is now connecting to dermatology as a field.

In the second specialty paragraph, Roger turns his attention to a mentor to tell a specific anecdote that demonstrates his clear understanding about what dermatology entails. With his point about the visual and attentive elements of dermatology made, Roger transitions to describing the patient relationship toward the end of the second paragraph. The “understanding of his community, values, and risk factors that allowed her to guide this patient to a better outcome” sets Roger up to describe how he shares this awareness as well.

Finally, the specificity of the mulched poison ivy, its resulting rash, and the grizzled rural farmer makes this firmly Roger’s and no one else’s.

Body section 2: Advocacy

In medical school I have enjoyed caring for those who, for cultural, insurance, or geographic reasons, have difficulty receiving care. After one shift in my inpatient pediatrics rotation, I brought my guitar to play for a Latino boy who was dying from leukemia and made his parents my favorite recipe for chile verde with pork. Although I couldn’t offer any more to them medically, I hoped to aid the fear and disconnection they had expressed with the unfamiliar environment now surrounding them. The connection made in that moment helped ease their suffering and fostered a better union between the treatment team and patient. 

In this section, Roger returns to the advocacy he mentioned in his introduction. He keeps it unique by describing a specific interaction with a single family and even mentions his favorite recipe, which gives the body paragraphs a touch of his personality.

The cultural angle helps remind the reader of the ways Roger has been interested in culturally-specific service since his days in roofing, when he advocated on behalf of Spanish-speaking clients. 

Finally, Roger gives context to the research on his CV by showing how his preference for the underserved isn’t merely an ideological commitment. Rather, Roger’s attraction to dermatology dovetails with his passion for connecting with the underserved because his research credentials back it up. Even his upbringing in a different country finds a parallel in the rural environment where he hopes to practice now. The combination of details makes this section uniquely Roger and deepens our sense of who he is.

In my career I intend to apply my passion for human connection and community to providing high-quality dermatologic care and research to communities which have traditionally had difficulty accessing care. Training at your program would enable me to meet these goals and effectively treat and advocate for these patients.

Roger keeps it short, perhaps due to word count. Still, his first line clearly articulates who he is and what draws him to dermatology. Placing this line at the end of the anecdotes and examples Roger used throughout the essay helps the image of him crystallize in the minds of the selection committee. Roger’s last line isn’t our favorite—it’s a little bit common. But the rest of the essay is specific enough that we aren’t hung up on it.

Final thoughts

By reflecting on how your personal attributes and interests inform who you are and who you might be in your chosen specialty, your well-crafted, authentic, and unique personal statement will help you land those coveted residency interviews and, ultimately, match into the residency program of your dreams.

ERAS allows me to use up to 28,000 characters. Do I really need to stick to one page?

Yes. A page is considered standard, and even if you submit more, many program directors may not read past your first page. Thus, keep your statement short and sweet. Remember that one page in ERAS is 3,500 characters including spaces, which equals approximately 550–750 words.

Can I edit my personal statement after uploading it to ERAS?

Yes, ERAS allows you to edit your personal statement at any time during the application season, even if you’ve already assigned it to programs you’re applying to.

Should I address red flags in my personal statement?

It depends on the severity of the red flag. We don’t recommend using your personal statement to explain a situation that’s simply less than ideal, such as a low but passing Step 1 score. However, if you have a serious issue in your candidacy—for instance, you failed the USMLE, you repeated a preclinical year or clerkship, or you have unexplained interruptions in your medical education or career—it’s generally advisable to address it head on in order to demonstrate maturity and honesty. Don’t make excuses; do take ownership of the problem and explain how you’ve learned and grown from your mistakes.

If there is a legal issue in your past, the ERAS application contains legal disclosure fields in which you can discuss the incident. It’s typically not necessary to also address the issue in your personal statement unless it played a formative role in your journey towards your specialty.

The above are our general recommendations; however, given the many nuances and gray areas that tend to accompany red flags, it’s usually a good idea to discuss how to handle them with a trusted advisor in your specialty.

Should I tailor my personal statement to specific residency programs?

Generally speaking, it’s not necessary to tailor your personal statement to each program to which you apply. That said, ERAS does allow you to upload as many personal statements as you wish, so it is possible to send different versions of your personal statement to different programs.

Before you consider doing so, keep in mind that it’s probably not realistic to send a customized personal statement to every program that you’re applying to. Instead, you might do so for, say, your top three programs. Another approach could involve creating two different versions of your personal statement to send out as you choose.

For instance, you might have one version geared towards research-heavy programs and one geared towards community-oriented programs. Or, perhaps a few programs on your list are in your home city and the rest are located elsewhere. You could then create a personal statement for the hometown programs that includes a few sentences reflecting your geographical tie and why it’s important to your medical career (e.g. “ Having grown up in a medically underserved community in Romulus, my lifelong goal has been to improve access to healthcare for the citizens of Wayne County …”).

In any case, you should only tailor your personal statement to reflect genuine, well-founded reasons for your interest in a program. Because tailored personal statements are neither the norm nor the expectation, half-baked attempts to demonstrate fit will be noticeable.

(Note: We should mention that the one situation that always calls for multiple personal statements is if you’re applying to more than one specialty.)

How To Write A Personal Statement For Masters (17 PDF Sample Examples)

Published: 14 Mar 2022 Study Abroad 107,447 views

A personal statement for masters program is one of the most important parts of your college application and writing a good one is what’s the exception between receiving an offer and being rejected.

If you’ve been tasked with presenting a personal statement, you should keep in mind that whatever you submit must put you forward as the right candidate for the course. Additionally, it should convince the admissions officers that you deserve a place on your program of study.

Achieving the above, is a skill most postgraduate students are yet to acquire but thankfully this article on How To Write A Personal Statement For Masters covers everything you need to know on doing this.

In this article you’ll learn:

• What is a personal statement?
• Tips for making your personal statement for masters stand out
• How to write a personal statement for masters
• Personal statement for masters sample
• Examples of personal statement for masters
• Conclusion – things to avoid when writing a personal statement for masters

Read:  Admission Interview Tips .

What Is a Personal Statement?

A personal statement AKA admissions or application essay or statement of purpose is a type of essay or written statement a candidate presents to a college, university, or graduate school they are applying to, explaining why they want to attend that school, study a particular course, and why they would be a perfect fit for these things.

A personal statement for masters is an essay you submit specifically for your postgraduate application. Writing one presents the opportunity for you to promote yourself to a school and show the admissions teachers that you are the perfect candidate for a course.

Tips For Making Your Personal Statement For Masters Stand Out

Before we get into how you should write a statement of purpose for masters, we would first like to share with you certain tips to include in your essay to make it stand out from that of other applicants and be convincing enough to any admissions officer that reads it. The tips we have mentioned here, cover general things like starting and ending your personal statement, timing, length, and what to include and what not to include in the essay, etc.

1. Starting And Ending A Personal Statement

When starting a personal statement, you would want to right off the bat grab the reader’s attention. To do this, start the statement by writing about your degree of choice, next why you want to study it and then how you got interested in it.

The next 2 sentences after that should cover a summary of your background in the chosen field, and you conclude by saying what you plan to do once you acquire your graduate degree.

Also start with that the evaluators reading want to hear first, then every other information should come second. You will notice we’ve used in the sop examples for masters we will share with you later in this article.

2. Plan Ahead

A personal statement is not something you rush while writing, which means if you want to get something good before you application then you must start to decide things like the length and how long it should take to complete.

Let us throw more light on this…

For length, a personal statement should be brief ranging somewhere between 500 -700 words, although schools often detect how long it should be. So, this is dependent on the institution you are applying to.

In terms of what to say in a statement, you could include personal experiences like why you were driven to apply for the program, an experience you had with a scholar in your chosen discipline, a course you took that inspired you to pursue masters, or a key moment during your studies which further motivated you.

No matter what you decide to write, just keep in mind that you need to take your time to craft something good even if it means creating several drafts before the real thing and do not forget to proofread the statement for errors.

3. Research Your Program Of Study

Researching your program of study is one way to establish that you truly understand the discipline you’re getting into and prove to the admissions officer that you thoroughly thought about it before applying.

And because you want to put yourself forward as a serious candidate, one way to make you research easier is for you to visit the website of the department you are applying to. This page will contain information about faculty members, their specialisation, and publications.

From the intel, you gathered there you can now identify which professors match your interests and which ones you will benefit the most from learning under. After you’ve found this out, relate the same in a sentence or two in your statement of purpose for masters.

Example: “I would be honoured to study under the tutelage of Professor Nadia whose work I found resonated strongly with my beliefs and intended projects in this course”.

4. Avoid Clichés, Junks, And Many Details

When writing a statement of purpose for master degree try to avoid clichés, junks, and unnecessary details so that you don’t lose or bore your readers in between. Be as concise as possible, even if it’s your chance to express yourself.

A personal statement is an opportunity for the admissions committee to get information that tells the that you are suitable for the course. So, when you overpower your statement with too many words, stories, and useless details, you come off as someone who is just trying to meet the word count.

5. Include Your Personal History Only If It Adds To The Statement

Do not include your personal history in your statement of intent for masters if it is not relevant to your purpose of study. This means no need for you to tell that story about that time you helped someone treat a cut and immediately realised that you wanted to be a doctor or nurse or how you developed a taste for reading at a very young age.

We can guarantee you that the hundreds of other applications competing for the same spot you are felt the same way, so saying those things really doesn’t make you unique.

On the other hand, if you are going to add personal history to your statement, you can put in things like an internship you did and the experience you got from the job, a major research project you ran by yourself, publications you’ve read or published, conferences you’ve attended or presentations you’ve done. These experiences are more concrete and are directly related to your program of study. They also set you apart from other applicants.

6. Don't Use The Same Personal Statement For All Your Applications

One common mistake applicant make that you shouldn’t is using the same statement of purpose for master degree for all your applications. Using the same information repeatedly even if you are going to change the university names is risky and could land you in a big mistake on a day you forget to be thorough.

All programmes have their own unique set of questions they want to see answered and information they need in your personal statement.

And even if some of them like extracurricular activities, proposal for project, why you are applying to the school, your unique qualities, and research works you’re doing might appear the same, do not use one statement to respond to all of them.

Write a new unique personal statement every time you want to apply.

Check out:  How to Write a Good CV for Students - Resume Examples for Students (PDF).

How To Write A Personal Statement for Masters

When writing a personal statement for masters there are several steps and ground rules you need to follow to ensure that it comes out good enough to impress the admissions team of a school, and ultimately convince them to give you a spot on your program of study.

If writing one is something you are currently struggling with and can’t seem to get down the process of it right no matter what, this section on how to write a personal statement for masters, discusses in detail everything you need to get help with yours.

There are 4 parts to consider when writing your personal statement and we have listed them below:

1. Planning A Personal Statement

A personal statement is a piece of writing showing your academic interests and is only for application purposes which means there is no room for any autobiographical information in it about your personal life. Be as to-the-point as possible when writing it and stick to telling the school why you are the right person for the course, plus any other extra information detailing your achievements.

Before You Start:

Allot plenty of time to write your msc personal statement so that you don’t rush it. Remember, this simple piece of writing is your one shot at convincing a school that you are the best applicant they’ve seen and as such can either make or break your application.

Read the information expected of you from the university, rules and guidelines given, selection criteria and understand what they mean. Also research the institution.

Do a thorough research on the course you are applying for; this will help you explain better why you want to study it. The tutors interviewing you can tell when you are lying and presenting yourself as uninformed can cost you the admission.

Ensure that you don’t use the same personal statement for all your applications.

When Writing:

When writing the statement there are some questions to ask yourself that can help you plan it better. Those questions are:

• Why you want to study a master’s and how does it benefit you in future?
• How does the course you have chosen fit into your pre-existing skill set?
• How do you stand out from the crowd as an applicant - e.g., work experiences you’ve had in the same field you are applying for?
• What do you aspire to do or be as a future career and how will the course help you achieve that?
• How can your work or skillsets contribute positively to the department/ university you are applying to, or society at large?

On the other hand, if you are applying for the masters to change from the field you studied in your undergraduate to another field, you should tell the school why you decided to take a different path in your studies.

Questions to ask yourself for this include:

• Your reason for deciding to change your discipline.
• How your undergraduate degree will be material for bringing fresh insights into your masters course.
• How changing your study path will help you attain your future career.

2. Structuring A Personal Statement

Having good structure for your personal statement for master degree is important because it ensures that everything from the beginning, middle, and ending of the statement is written and equally falls in place perfectly.

We’ve left some tips for you below to help you:

Start your personal statement with an attention-grabbing introduction that is not dramatic or cliché. That means you should not begin with any of these over-used phrases we’ve listed out below:

For as long as I remember…

Since my childhood…

I want to apply to this course because I’ve always felt a strong connection to it…

All my life, I have always loved…

My interest in (course) always ran deeper than…

I’ve always been zealous about…

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always wanted to pursue a career in…

My past educational experiences have always…

You would want to be as snappy as possible with your opening because the admission officer has over a hundred applications to read and can’t waste all their time on yours. This means you should avoid overpowering it with unnecessary facts, quotes, and stories from your life.

The middle part of your ma personal statement is where the main content of the write-up should be. This is where you show your dedication to the course you’ve chosen, what motivated you to choose it, and why you are the right candidate for it.

When writing the middle part of a graduate personal statement, you should:  

• Give concrete reasons why you want to study a course at the University. The reason could be because of how the course is aligned to your future career or the University’s reputation in teaching that program.
• Mention relevant things like projects, dissertations, or essays you’ve done, and any work experience you have.
• Show proof of your core skills like and how they can contribute to the department.
• Prove what makes you a unique candidate.
• Discuss who your main influences for wanting to study the course are and why.
• Add experiences like memberships to clubs that are related to your field, papers you’ve written before, awards, scholarships, or prizes.
• Draw focus to how the course links to your past and future.
• Mention your academic and non-academic skills and how they fit the course.

For Formatting:

• Keep the statement length between 250 -500 words or as directed by the school.
• Sentences should be no more than 25-30 words.
• Use headings to break up the content – Why this university? Why this subject? Etc.
• Make claims and provide evidence to back each of them up. This can be done by discussing your work experience and academic interests.

Language and tone to use:     

• The tone for your masters application personal statement should be positive and enthusiastic, to show you eagerness to learn and so that you convince the evaluators that you have what it takes to succeed.
• Use exciting and refreshing language, and an engaging opening line.
• Ensure you grammar, punctuations, and spellings are accurate.
• Avoid exaggerated claims you cannot backup.
• Don’t use cliché generic terms and keep your focus on the course.

Keep the ending of your essay for master degree application concise and memorable, leaving no doubt in the admission officers mind that you deserve a spot on the program.

To create the best ending summarise all your key points without dragging it our or repeating yourself. The ending should be simple, end on a positive note and make it clear that the school will be lucky to have you on their program.

Personal Statement for Masters Sample

In this section, we have left a masters personal statement example for you, which you can use as material to write yours for any course of study you are applying to a school for.

Personal Statement PDF

You can also download this statement of purpose sample for masters degree pdf here and take your time to read it later – Personal Statement For Masters Sample .

See Also:  Student CV Template .

Examples of Personal Statement for Masters

We have taken the time to source for some of the best postgraduate personal statement examples, which you can use in addition to the personal statement for masters program example as a template to write yours.

While you scroll through our list, you will find the perfect masters essay example for any field you wish to apply for, from business administration, to Psychology, to information technology, and lots more.

1. msw personal statement

We have found one of the best msw personal statement examples out there for you.

social work masters personal statement .  

2. personal statement for masters in public health

mph personal statement examples

3. personal statement for masters in management

Personal statement for master degree sample for masters in management .  , 4. personal statement for masters in education example.

personal statement for masters in education example

5. psychology masters personal statement

psychology masters personal statement example

6. sample personal statement for masters in data science data science masters personal statement

7. speech and language therapy personal statement statement of purpose for masters sample: speech and language therapy

8. business administration personal statement personal statement for masters in business administration

9. personal statement for masters in cyber security pdf masters degree personal statement examples for cyber security

10. personal statement for masters in finance msc finance personal statement examples

11. statement of purpose for masters in information technology pdf msc personal statement examples for information technology

12. international development personal statement statement of purpose for masters example

13. msc international business management personal statement international business management personal statement examples

14. computer science masters personal statement

statement of purpose for masters in computer science pdf

15. personal statement for masters in economics statement of purpose sample for masters degree in economics

16. mha personal statement statement of purpose format for masters in health administration    

Conclusion – Things to Avoid When Writing A Personal Statement For Masters When writing a personal statement for university masters, there are some things you should avoid, so that you don’t ruin your essay. We have listed out those things below: •    Avoid negativity. •    Following an online template blindly. •    Do not include unnecessary course modules, personal facts, or extra-curricular activities in your personal statement. •    Do not lie or exaggerate an achievement or event. •    Do not include inspirational quotes to your statement. •    Avoid using clichés, gimmicks, humour, over-used word such as 'passion' or ‘driven’. •    Do not make pleading statements. •    Avoid mentioning key authors or professors in your field without any explanation. •    Avoid using sentences that are too long. •    Avoid flattering the organisation or using patronising terms. •    Do not repeat information in your statement that you have already listed in your application. •    Avoid waffling i.e., writing at length. •    Don’t start writing your personal statement at the last minute.  

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The Physician Assistant Life: The Ultimate Resource for All Things PA

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31 Physician Assistant Personal Statement Examples

Below, are 31 PA school application essays and personal statements pulled from our FREE personal statement and essay collaborative comments section.

This is an unedited sample of PA school essay submissions, meant to provide you with some insight into how other applicants are approaching their CASPA personal statements.

Real World PA School Personal Statements

These sample essays are not meant to be examples of what (or how) you should write your personal statement.

Sue Edmondson, our chief editor at the personal statement collaborative, has left a very brief comment at the end of each essay to provide the writer with some basic help and guidance. We offer this as a free service to all essay submissions through our comments section and it does not compare to the comprehensive editing and revision we offer through our private, paid editing service ( you can read more about that here ).

A great essay is seamless, it's smooth, its fluid it's like a country road that rolls over the hills and bends through the turns like the landscape has known nothing else. It feels effortless yet, it is anything but.

After our interviews with PA school administrators , one thing became extremely clear: The admissions committee wants you to cut to the chase, eliminate the drama, and tell a fluid story.

Read these example essays and take notes of what you think works and what doesn't. Note common mistakes and common spelling errors that get people in trouble, you will see some common trends.

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Personal Statement Example 1

By: Ashley T

As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle; it was completely destroyed. I was unconscious, stuck inside the vehicle. EMS extricated me and transported me to the hospital. It was not until the next day I finally woke up and tried to lift myself out of bed; the pain I felt caused me to scream, “Mom!” My mother rushed into the room, “Ashley, stop moving around, you are only going to make it more painful” she said. The expression on my face showed nothing more than a complete blank. “What happened, and why is there a sling on me?”

The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town, and after hours passed by they told my mother that my scans and tests came back fine, put a sling on me, and sent me home … while still not fully conscious. The day after, I had follow up visits in the next city over with completely different physicians. It turned out the extent of my injuries were worse than we were told, and had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants (PAs).

In the past year, I have grown and learned even more than I thought I could in my current position as a medical assistant in the Neuro-otology specialty. Working as a medical assistant for the past two years has been a rewarding learning experience. One of the main priorities of my position is to take a very detailed description of the patient’s condition/chief complaint of their visit. Doing this has allowed me to gain an extensive amount of knowledge on the inner ear and vestibular system, and on how they both work in conjunction with one another. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working at the clinic, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to complete the Canalith Repositioning Maneuver on patients suffering from Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear from their emotions that I make positive impacts on the patient’s daily life. The joyful smile on their faces immediately brightens my whole day.

Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Through all of my learning and experience it occurred to me that my love for medicine is so broad, that it would be impossible for me to just focus on one aspect of medicine. Knowing that I have the option to experience nearly any specialty entices me, and having the opportunity to treat and diagnose patients instead of standing in the background observing would give me great pleasure.

While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, the socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job while trying to obtain an education. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once accepted at University of South Florida I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics creating an upward trend in GPA through graduation. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident is now just a motivator for future obstacles.

With a career as a PA, I know my answer to “how was your day” will always be, “life changing.” In my work I am fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. I am determined and will not ever abandon this dream, goal, and life purpose. Outside of my qualifications on paper, I have been told that I am a compassionate, friendly, and a strong woman. Years from today, through my growth and experience as a PA, I will evolve to be a role model for someone with the same qualities and professional objectives as I have today. I chose PA because I love working as a team. Helping others makes me feel like I have a purpose, and there is no other profession that I would rather be in. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end … it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire.

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Suggestions and Revisions

Well, you’re close, but it’s not quite there. Good job, though, overall — great opening, good explanation of your grade issues, and good conclusion. Don’t use ellipses, though, use an “em dash” if anything, and take out “respectable” in your last sentence of the essay. That’s a very odd thing to say, as if a PA program might not be respectable!

In your second paragraph, you mention you understand the importance of skilled physicians and PAs. You don’t need to put in the acronym for physician assistant. It’s commonly used enough to be acceptable without explanation. Expand on the PA portion and tell how they impacted you. Be very specific.

You can edit the second paragraph as follows to make more room: The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town where they took tests, put a sling on me, and sent me home. The day after, I had follow up visits and it turned out I had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants.

You could make the points stronger in the paragraph about your work. This sentence, “Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment” doesn’t say a whole lot. It’s not bad, it’s just not great.

I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

I just saw from looking at the essays you first submitted that this is your second time applying. You absolutely must specifically address what’s changed from your first application. It’s critical. So, if you have more work experience, highlight that, and what you’ve gained. If that paragraph about your work is talking about new experiences, be sure to clarify it, and definitely make it more significant, pointing out skills you’ve acquired and lessons learned.

Sue Edmondson ( The Physician Assistant Personal Statement Collaborative )

Personal Statement Example 2

A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief; her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated.

I was the sick child in that story. That is one of my earliest memories; it was from the time when I lived in Ukraine. I still wonder how such a simple diagnosis was overlooked by several physicians; perhaps it was an example of the inadequate training healthcare professionals received in post-Cold War Ukraine. The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful.

After researching various health care professions I realized that physician assistant is the one for me. I have several reasons for pursuing a career as a PA. Firstly the PA profession has a bright future; according to the Bureau of Labor statistics employment for physician assistants is projected to grow 38 percent from 2012 to 2022. Secondly the flexibility of the PA of the profession is appealing to me; I would like to build an eclectic repertoire of experiences and skills when it comes to delivering medical care. Thirdly I would be able to work autonomously and collaboratively with a health care team to diagnose and treat individuals. The fourth and most important reason is that I would be able to directly influence people in a positive way. Working for homecare services I have had several people tell me that they prefer PAs over physicians, because physician assistants are able to take their time to effectively communicate with their patients.

I know that to become a physician assistant academic excellence is imperative so I would like to take the time to explain the discrepancies in my transcript. During my freshman and sophomore year my grades were not great and there is no excuse for that. In my first two years of college I was more concerned with socializing than I was with academia. I chose to spend most of my time going to parties and because of it my grades suffered. Although I had a lot of fun I came to the realization the fun would not last forever. I knew that to fulfill my dream of working in health care I would have to change my ways. Starting with my junior year I made school my priority and my grades improved markedly. My grades in the second two years of my college career are a reflection of me as an engaged student. I will continue striving to achieve my terminal goal of becoming a physician assistant, because I look forward to the first time a worried mother comes to the hospital with her sick child and I will be able to say, “I can help this boy!”

I like your opening and the ending very much. It’s also great that you explained your lower GPA in the essay.

Where your essay loses steam is in the middle. Writing a laundry list about the role of the PA and citing statistics isn’t the way you want to spend your precious few characters and spaces in an essay such as this. The purpose is to intrigue Admissions folks enough to make them want to meet you. When I interviewed a dozen or so Admissions Directors and faculty about writing these essays, every one of them said they did not want a list of things PAs do. You make an attempt to relate some of these things to you specifically, but your statements are so general, they reveal little about you.

You work for homecare services. Have you had any contact with PAs in the context of your work? Have you done any shadowing? If you have, write about those experiences and how you were impacted by them.

I suspect you haven’t had contact with PAs or you would have talked about it. However, you can still show you’re a great candidate for a PA program. Write what you’ve learned about patient care from your work and relate that to skills you’ll need as a PA. Explain why homecare isn’t enough for you and specifically why the PA profession is.

Delete all this: “The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful.”

Hopefully you have a better reason to go into healthcare than revenge. Write about the real reasons. You can link your childhood experience of inadequate treatment to your interest in ensuring that others never experience that pain. Do it from a positive, not a negative standpoint.

I hope all this helps, and wish you the best of luck.

Personal Statement Example 3

Completely re-edited my PS. This draft feels alot stronger. Please let me know what you think. Thanks.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why”. This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing why I aspire to become a Physician Assistant. The journey to finding one’s professional “why” can be tough, it can sometimes force one to settle and give up on the journey altogether but in other cases, cases of so many who have genuine love in what they do, it requires constant self-reflection, faith and unyielding determination to continue on. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people”. That reason wasn’t enough, I needed something more, something that could drive me to work night shifts and head to school immediately after, something that could push me to retake courses and pursue a Masters degree. To find this “why” I became child-like, asking many questions, majority of them beginning with why. Why was it important for me to help people through medicine? Why not a trainer, a physician or a nurse? Why not anything else?

Through this journey I began four years ago, I’ve learned that an individuals “why” is a place where one’s passions and skills meet their community’s needs and as I’ve been exposed to many facets of health, I’ve discovered my passion for fitness and health is the foundation of my “why”. The day I found this “why” came subtly, from a simple yet profound article clipping that remains posted on my wall today. A “wonder pill “ Dr. Robert Butler described, that could prevent and treat many diseases but more importantly prolong the length and quality of life. The drug was exercise and as he surmised, “If it could be packed into a pill it would the most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation”. From these words my “why” began taking shape, I began wondering what could happen to our health care system if prevention was emphasized and people were given the directions and interventions needed to not only solve their health issues but to live healthier lives. I wondered what I could do to be part of the solution, how I could play a role in delivering a care that considered multiple influences and multiple methods for treating and preventing diseases, while also advocating optimal health and well-being.

With the recent reforms to healthcare I believed that a system emphasizing prevention could become an actuality and with many people given access to it a better kind provider would be needed. Providers, in my opinion, that understands the roles of nutrition, fitness and behavior modifications on health. Providers that understand that curative or palliative methods that wait until patients are sick, in many cases beyond repair before stepping in, can no longer be a standard practice. From interning with trainers and wellness coaches in health centers, to working with nurses and techs in the hospital, to shadowing PAs and Physicians during rounds or in underserved clinics, I‘ve not only gained valuable experiences but I have been able to see exactly what makes each profession great. Each profession has aspects that interest me but as I have researched and dissected each of these careers, plucking pieces where I find my greatest skills meeting what I am passionate about, I found myself at the doorstep of a career as a Physician Assistant.

Working at Florida Hospital, I relish in the team-based effort that I’ve learned is quite necessary in providing quality care. I thoroughly enjoy my interactions with patients and working in communities where English may not be the primary language but forces you to go out and learn to become a better caregiver. I’ve learned exactly where my “why” is. It is in a profession centered on this team-based effort, it focuses on the patient and the trust between the physician and the health care team, not on the insurance, management or the business side of medicine. It is a profession whose purpose comes from improving and expanding our health care system, a field with the ability to not only diagnose and treat diseases but also with the expectation to promote health through education. It is a profession where I can be a lifetime-learner, where stagnation isn’t even a possibility, with many specialties in which I can learn. Most importantly it is a career whose role in this evolving health care system is etched to be on the front line in its delivery, the key to integrating both wellness and medicine to combat and prevent diseases. The journey to this conclusion hasn’t been easy but I am grateful because my“ why” is now simple and unmistakable. I have been placed on this earth to serve, educate and advocate wellness through medicine as a Physician Assistant. In summation, my “why” has become my favorite question.

First before I forget, don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name. It’s best not to use contractions in an essay, either, so try to remember to write out the words. Also, quotation marks always go after punctuation, not before.

Now to the heart of the essay. You have a lot of good opportunities to convince Admissions folks that you are a great candidate for PA school, but you’ve missed most of them. You’re essentially getting ready to write what’s important, but you haven’t gotten there, yet. It isn’t until your conclusion that you articulate generally what appeals to you about the profession. In fact, most of your essay is so general, Admissions folks aren’t going to learn much about you, your skills and why the PA profession is right for you. Frankly, they don’t care what your opinion is about the state of healthcare. You use valuable space to quote Dr. Butler when you could be talking about your experience.

I agree that this is better than your first draft, but it’s still not where you want to be. Skip the generalities, focus on your experiences and leave the philosophy to discussions with your peers when you’re in PA school and after. You really need a complete rewrite, but to give you an idea, here’s how I’d edit your first paragraph:

“The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why.” This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing my journey to becoming a physician assistant. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people.”

Scrutinize the rest of your essay and cut the philosophy and the rhetorical questions. You’ll have a lot of space to write what’s important.

Personal Statement Example 4

The easiest decision I ever made was choosing to play soccer when I was seven years old. Fifteen years later, after finishing four years of Division I collegiate soccer, I made the most difficult decision thus far in my life. Knowing that I was not going to play for the U.S. Women’s National Team, I had to pursue a different dream. The summer after my college graduation, I transitioned from playing soccer to coaching, while figuring out a career path to pursue. At one of the first practices I coached, I witnessed a girl get caught up in a net and hit her head on a pole. My instincts told me to run over and help. I advised a parent to call 9-1-1 while I checked to see if the girl was alert. She was in and out of consciousness for about two minutes before she was able to look at me and tell me her name. I talked to her to keep her awake until the paramedics arrived to take over. Even while the paramedics assessed her, she did not want me to leave. I held her hand until it was time for her to be transported. In that moment, it was clear to me that helping others was my calling.

At the same time I started coaching, I began volunteering at Los Angeles Harbor-UCLA Medical Center. I shadowed emergency room (ER) doctors, orthopedic doctors, and general practitioners. Naturally, my athletic career drew me in towards Orthopedics. I spent most of my time watching how doctors, physician assistants (PAs), nurses, and technicians interacted with patients. Similar to soccer, teamwork is a key component of patient care. I was amazed at how smooth the process was to prepare for a trauma patient in the ER. It was not as chaotic as I had expected. The communications center alerted the trauma team that a 79 year-old female patient with head trauma was on its way. From there, the trauma team prepared a room for the patient. When the patient arrived, it was like watching a well-rehearsed play. Every team member knew his/her role and performed it flawlessly despite the high-pressure situation. In that moment, I felt the same adrenaline rush I got during my soccer games and knew that I had to pursue a career in the medical field. Although I was introduced to the idea of becoming a PA, my eyes were set on becoming a doctor. So, I applied for medical school.

After being rejected from medical school, I debated applying again. After shadowing PAs at Harbor-UCLA, I did research on becoming a PA. What stood out the most to me was the flexibility of a PA to work in different medical specialties. Also, in the orthopedic department, I noticed that the PAs had more time to spend with patients discussing rehabilitation options and infection prevention after their surgeries. This type of patient care was more along the lines of what I wanted to do. So, my next step was to become an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) to fulfill the work experience requirement for my PA application.

Working as an EMT turned out to be more meaningful than just being a pre-requisite for PA school. Whether the complaints were medical or traumatic, these patients were meeting me on the worst day of their lives. One call we had was a Spanish-speaking only patient who complained of left knee pain. Since I was the only Spanish speaker on scene, I translated for the paramedics. The medics concluded that the patient could be transported to the hospital code 2, no paramedic follow-up and no lights and sirens necessary, since it appeared to be localized knee pain. En route to the hospital, I noticed a foul smell coming from the patient. Suddenly, the patient became unresponsive so we upgraded our transport and used our lights and sirens to get there faster. Upon our arrival the patient started coming around. The triage nurse approached us and noticed the foul smell as well. The nurse had us put the patient into a bed right away and said that the patient might be septic. I thought, but where? Later that day, we checked up on the patient and found out that she was in the late stages of breast cancer. On scene, she failed to mention the open wounds she thoroughly wrapped up on her breasts because that was not her chief complaint. She also did not mention it as part of her pertinent medical history. Her knee was hurting due to osteoporosis from the cancer cells metastasizing to her bones. This call always stuck with me because it made me realize that I want to be able to diagnose and treat patients. As a PA, I would be able to do both.

All of my life experiences have led me to realize that I want to be a part of a medical team as a physician assistant. To be able to study multiple medical specialties, diagnose, and treat would allow me to come full circle in patient care. As much as I love pre-hospital care, I have always wanted to do more. Given the opportunity, as a PA, I will take on the challenges of patient care in a hospital setting and look forward to being able to follow through with all of my patients to the end of their care.

Unless there’s a really good reason for saying you applied to medical school and were rejected, I’d leave all that out. Why make people wonder why you were rejected? It will take the focus off all the reasons you’d be a great PA.

I’d also leave out that helping people is your calling. If I had a dime for every time someone writes helping people is my calling or passion, I’d be a bazillionaire. It’s so overused that it’s virtually meaningless. Besides, there are a thousand careers you could have that help people — you could be a social worker, for example. If you’re going to give a reason be specific about it — what do you get out of helping people that makes you want to pursue a career in healthcare as opposed to anything else?

I’m not sure the patient example is the best. I’d like to see one where your curiosity or skills caused you to take additional steps or at least think about them. Maybe that happened in this case and you just didn’t write about it. For example, did you notify the triage nurse about the odor? Or did you wonder if perhaps she was septic and what she hadn’t told you? Make the example, whichever one you use, work for you to show you’re thinking proactively even if you can’t do anything about it.

Personal Statement Example 5

By: Emilee G

A young, cheerful volleyball player came to my training room complaining of back pain during her off-season. Two weeks later, she died from Leukemia. Two years later her brother, a former state champion football player, was diagnosed with a different type of Leukemia. He fought hard for a year, but he too succumbed to the same disease that took the life of his baby sister. A girl in her sophomore year of high school sought my advice because she was concerned about a small bump on her back. After a few weeks of observing she returned complaining of back pain along with an increase in the size of the original bump. Recognizing this was beyond my expertise, I referred her to her pediatrician, who then recommended she see another medical specialist. Following extensive testing she was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After recently dealing with the loss of two young athletes, this news was shocking. Fortunately, over the next year and a half, this young lady battled and beat the cancer in time to complete her senior year and walk across the stage at graduation with her classmates. I was elated for her, but began reflecting on the limitations of my position as an athletic trainer. These events also prompted me to evaluate my life, my career, and my goals. I felt compelled to investigate my options. After doing so, I was determined to expand my knowledge and increase my ability to serve others and decided the correct path for me was to become a Physician Assistant.

During my career thus far as an athletic trainer, I have had the privilege of working at a wide variety of locations. These include an acute care in-patient hospital, working with post surgical patients; a family practice and sports medicine office, performing initial evaluations; an outpatient therapy clinic, working with rehab patients; an orthopedic surgeon’s office, shadowing patient visits and surgeries; and many universities and high schools, working with a variety of athletic injuries. My experiences in these diverse settings have shown me the need for all degrees of medical personnel. Each field has its own purpose in the proper care of the patient. As an athletic trainer I have seen a range of injuries that I could diagnose and treat myself. But it has always been the ones that I had to refer to the team doctor that weighed on me, making me feel that I should be able to help even more. As a physician assistant, I would possess the knowledge and skills needed to diagnose and provide the care needed for my patients.

My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective I get involved in the community of the school and strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher for the junior and senior high school. I have also volunteered for many functions that the school provides for the students including school dances, the community-based alcohol prevention program called Every 15 Minutes, and the annual junior and senior retreat which involves a true bonding experience for all participants. Developing meaningful relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly about a self-perceived flaw including injury with someone he or she feels comfortable. I sincerely want to be that person for my athletes now, and for my patients in the future.

The diverse injuries, illnesses, and diseases I have encountered as athletic trainer have provided me with a variety of wonderful experiences. I have witnessed both tragedy and triumph with my athletes and coaches, on and off of the field or court. Most injuries have been inconsequential in the long term, even to those experiencing the pain in the moment. They know that they will heal and progress in their sport and continue on their journey in life. Fighting for and winning state championships is all well and good, but there are far more important concerns in this life we live. I have witnessed young lives being taken, and those who battled relentlessly to overcome all obstacles, and it is these individuals who have changed how I view medicine, how I view myself, and how I view my future in the world of medicine. These people have enriched my life and have taken ahold of my heart and mind, motivating me to push forward. “Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep battling.” The powerful motto of our basketball coach living with advanced Cystic Fibrosis has been a significant incentive for me. He was told he would live a much shorter and less satisfying life, but he never gave in to his diagnosis. He made his life what he wanted it to be, overcoming many obstacles and living out his dreams. Seeing him fight for each day of his life has had tremendous influence on me. I know it is my time to fight for what I want and keep moving forward.

First things first. Don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name.

Now as to your essay. You’ve done a good job of outlining your skills, interest in healthcare and the limitations of your current career. But there’s nothing in here to say why you’ve decided on the PA profession. Yes, it will help you diagnose and treat patients, but so would becoming a doctor. So write more specifically about your reasons for choosing to become a PA. You’ve set up a perfect place to do so, right before your last sentence in your first paragraph. You must have had some kind of contact with PAs to know that’s what you want to do. Write about that if it applies.

So you’ll need to cut to give yourself space for the additional information. The third and forth paragraph are both good places to cut. If I were editing your essay, I’d cut things from those paragraphs even if you didn’t need the space. Remember, your goal is to convince Admissions folks that you know what the profession entails and that it’s right for you. That’s where you need to focus.

Here’s how I’d edit your third paragraph: My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective, I strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher and volunteered at functions. Developing relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly with someone he or she feels comfortable. I want to be that person.

I hope this helps.

Best of luck. Sue Edmondson ( The Physician Assistant Personal Statement Collaborative )

Personal Statement Example 6

By: A Johns

The door flew open and slammed against the adjacent wall. The room was dark and all I could make out were figures and the noise of chatter and children crying. As my eyes adjusted to the sharp contrast in darkness from the blaring sun outside, I made my way to the counter. “Sign in,” said a voice and I looked down to see a chewed up pin and a pile of ripped up pieces of paper, on which I wrote my name and date of birth. The voice came out again “have a seat; we’ll call you when we’re ready.” I turned to see a room, no bigger than a two bedroom apartment, full of young women and children of various ages. I took a seat and waited for my turn to be seen at my local health department.

As an adolescent without health insurance, I have seen first-hand the demand for providers that can offer available healthcare. My experiences at the local health department made me dread going, never knowing if I would see the same provider again. Like many others in my situation, I just stopped going. After these experiences, I knew I wanted to be the stability for the underprivileged and financially burdened.

I began my role in healthcare as a pharmacy technician. It was this job that solidified my interests in the science of medicine. It was also this exposure which showed me that primary care providers play a huge role in the health system. However, it was not until I began working in registration for the Emergency Department of my local hospital that I could see just how important this role is; patients sitting for hours to be seen for a fever and headache because they do not have any other option for healthcare.

These observations pushed me to continue in medicine. After moving home to pursue this career, I climbed my way from a unit secretary to a patient care technician where I had my first hands-on experiences with patients. I remember a particular incident where while I was assisting a patient to the bathroom, she began sweating and complaining of blurred vision. I immediately called for someone to come in so I could check her blood sugar levels; it was 37 mg/Dl. With the nurse by my side, we got Ms. Kay safely to the bed and began treating her with intravenous glucose. I was so excited and proud of myself for recognizing the symptoms and being able to react without hesitation. It is moments like this one that I recognize my desires are not only to treat patients, but also diagnose illnesses.

After working closely with many health providers for nearly ten years, none stood out to me like Mike, a physician assistant on the cardiothoracic surgery unit. I have seen him take the extra time to go over every medication a patient had not only to ensure there was no drug interactions but to explain and write down the uses of each for when they returned home. When this patient needs a refill, instead of asking for “the little blue pill,” they will confidently ask for their blood pressure medication. Understanding these problems and taking the time to address them through patient education and support can greatly improve the quality of life for those in our communities. PAs help to carry out this idea of preventive medicine over episodic care as a team.

A team-based care system is very important to me. I learned the value of a solid support network while struggling after the death of my cousin. The pain of losing my best friend, and the personal disappointment I felt after failing two semesters, made it difficult for me to continue on my career path confidently. However, with the backing and trust of my peers, much like a PA in their practice, I was able to push forward and overcome these trials. I was taught stress-management and determination through these hardships and they will aid me as I endeavor this challenging and evolving career as a PA.

With my professional training in the medical field, I have a good understanding and appreciate everyone’s roles in healthcare. We come from several backgrounds and experiences that allow us to integrate together and ultimately provide better patient care. I am confident in my ability to translate my skills into my studies as well as future practice and become a successful PA. I am also confident in my ability to relate and help close the gap in available healthcare as a primary care provider.

You’ve done a good job covering many of the important points of an essay. The way you handled your failing grades was deft. (I was very sorry to learn the circumstances — the loss of your cousin).

The concluding and opening, though, needs some tweaking. The conclusion could be much stronger. You don’t want to have an “also” in there. It’s a weak word. The opening needs more work, there’s a typo for one and it’s too dramatic. It’s not believable that it would be so dark inside that your eyes would need to adjust and you couldn’t see the person at the desk. It sounds as if you’re in an underground cave.

Here’s what I’d suggest you do with that first paragraph with this caveat — I’ve added some words to illustrate my point — you’ll write it in your own words: “Inside the small, dimly lit, crowded room, there was noisy chatter and the sound of crying children. I made my way to the counter. “Sign in,” the woman said, and I looked down to see a chewed on pen and a pile of ripped pieces of paper. On one, I wrote my name and date of birth. “Sit,” she said. “We’ll call you when we’re ready.” I took a seat and waited for my turn to be seen at my local health department.”

I hope this helps, and wish you the best of luck.

Personal Statement Example 7

“My chest hurts.” Anyone in the medical field knows this is a statement that cannot simply be brushed off. Mary was a patient we brought to and from dialysis three times a week. At the young age of 88, her mind was starting to go and her history of CVA rendered her hemiplegic, reliant on us for transport. Mary would stare through us and continue conversations with her late husband, insist she was being rained on while in the ambulance, and manipulate us into doing things we would never consider for another patient, i.e. adjust pillows an absurd amount of times, and hold her limp arm in the air for the entirety of the 40 minute transport, leaving you down a full PCR. But, it was Mary, and Mary held a special place in our hearts just out of sheer desire to please her in the slightest- never successfully, might I add. Mary complained about everything, but nothing at the same time. So, that Thursday afternoon when she nonchalantly stated she had chest pain, it raised some red flags. With a trainee on board, the three man crew opted to run the patient to the ER three miles up the road, emergent, rather than waiting for ALS. I ran the call, naturally, it was Mary, and she was my patient. Vitals stable, patient denies breathing difficulty and any other symptoms. During the two minute transport I called in the report over the wail of the sirens, “history of CVA and… CVA. Mary look at me. Increased facial drooping; stoke alert, pulling in now.” Mary always had facial drooping, slurring, and left sided weakness, but it was worse. I’ve taken her every week for six months, but this time I was sitting on her right side. We took her straight to CT, and I have not since seen her. Mary was my patient, and everyone knew it.

We hear “life is too short” all the time, but how many people have been on scene after a heartbroken mother rolled over on her four-month-old, and you work that child like its your own, knowing she’s been down too long. As a healthcare provider, you have those patients that make it all worth it; That remind you why you keep going back for the MVAs, amputations, overdoses, three year old with fishhook in his eye, 2 year old down a flight of stairs, Alzheimer’s patient who doesn’t understand why they’re being strapped to the stretcher, 302 who pulls a gun, pancreatic cancer patient who vomits blood on you while you’re at the bottom of the stairchair and there’s not a thing you can do about it until you get down two more flights of stairs. My ambulance is my office. EMS has given me more experience, hope and disappointment than I could have ever asked for as an undergraduate. It has done nothing short of fuel my desire for advancement in the medical field.

“The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds. Celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You’re in a lion’s fight. Just because you didn’t win, doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.” The countless hours of procrastination watching the medical inaccuracies of Grey’s Anatomy, the breathtaking visuals in House MD, and the thrill of ER, have, if nothing else, given me hope. Hope that someone will see past my mediocre GPA and undergraduate transcript, and afford me the second chance I know I deserve. I proved my capability and motivation in high school and my last two years of college when I refocused my goals and plan. I am ready, prepared, and willing to do whatever it takes to reach my aspiration of providing the highest quality care of which I am capable. If you are not ready at this moment to put faith in me, I will do whatever it takes to get to that point, whether it be retaking classes, or investing another $40,000 in my education to excel in a post-baccalaureate program. After years of dabbling in medical occupations, I have finally found the one I want, and my desire to live and learn has never been stronger.

You had me completely engaged until your last paragraph. I had a couple of editing quibbles, but nothing huge.

For me the connection between the inaccuracies of TV shows and the hope that people will overlook your mediocre grades didn’t work at all. Nor do I think you should say,”If you are not ready at this moment to put faith in me, I will do whatever it takes to get to that point, whether it be retaking classes, or investing another $40,000 in my education to excel in a post-baccalaureate program.” If you think you need to retake classes to be accepted into a program, just start doing it, and put that in your essay. Otherwise, leave all that out. For one, an Admissions person is not going to contact you and say, “By the way, Dani, if you want to be a PA, you’ll need to do . . .” Frankly, it’s all odd sounding. If your grades meet the minimum requirements then you can say that although your grades aren’t the best, but you believe your experiences outweighs your less than exemplary GPA.

Instead, talk about why you want to be a PA instead of continuing to do what you do. You never even mention the profession! You write that you never saw Mary again. What a perfect place to talk about how that would be different if you were her PA. You can cut some of the first and second paragraph to make additional room if needed.

Here’s what I’d do with your conclusion (with a caveat — I’ve added some words to illustrate the points you can make. You’d use your own words):

“I hope that Admissions will see past my mediocre GPA and afford me the chance I know I deserve. I have proven my capability and motivation during my last two years of college when I refocused my goals, and through my professional experiences. I am ready to do what it takes to reach my aspiration of providing the highest quality care of which I am capable. After years of dabbling in medical occupations, I have finally found the one I want.”

Personal Statement Example 8

By: Heidi P

I have since reworked my essay and would prefer that the second copy be considered if possible. I am about 150 characters over the limit and I am not sure what to cut or where. I also am working on conveying the message of why I want to be a PA and what I can offer that is unique. Any help is greatly appreciated!

I’ve learned a lot of important lessons while shadowing a physician assistant in the emergency room this summer: always clean up your own sharps, communicate with other ER staff members to effectively work as a team, never talk about how “quiet” a day is, and that a warm blanket and a smile go a long way in patient care. Most importantly, I learned how much I love coming in to the hospital each day, excited to interact with a wide variety of patients and have a positive impact, no matter how small, in their healthcare experience. Shadowing in a level II trauma center granted me opportunities to develop my own personal philosophy about patient care, as well as furthered my desire to pursue a career as a PA in this field. My biggest inspiration to become a PA, however, started well before I ever shadowed in a hospital but from something much closer to home.

It was the summer before my final year at Miami when I got the text from my dad. He had been sick for a few weeks and finally went to the hospital for routine blood work. Doctor’s visits used to be rare for him, as he is an ER physician and seemed to never get sick. When the results came in, they immediately admitted him to Cleveland Clinic Main Campus. He told me he was fine and not to worry, all while joking about getting a room with the Indians game on, so I believed him. The next morning his tests were back – he had acute lymphoblastic leukemia. His first thirty days of routine high-volume chemotherapy were cut short when he acquired an infection and spiraled into total organ failure. He was in the ICU for roughly two months, during which time he drifted in and out of comas and had, as he phrased it, “a visit from every specialist except gynecology.” When he finally regained consciousness after two weeks of dialysis, he was so weak he could not sit up unassisted so he spent two more months at an inpatient rehabilitation facility before he was finally allowed to come home on Christmas Eve.

It was the best present a girl could ask for, but not without its challenges. He was still very weak and wheelchair-bound. He had to take handfuls of pills several times a day, and needed his blood sugar checked before each meal due to the steroids. The house had to be regularly scrubbed from top to bottom due to his low neutrophil count. When I was younger and my mother suffered two strokes, my father had been the one that had kept our family together. Our upside down world felt like a nightmare. I learned to do fingersticks and insulin injections gently, so as not to bruise his paper-thin skin. I taught him how to flush his PICC line when it became clogged (a trick I learned from my own experience with IV antibiotics to treat osteomyelitis a year prior). When he started walking, I learned to block his knees with my hands so he wouldn’t fall too far forward after he lost most of his proprioception and motor control from peripheral neuropathy.

I had a tough choice to make: return to school and continue pursuing my degree, or stay home and help my mother. I stayed in Cleveland for as long as I could, but eventually went back to school the day before spring semester started. I continued to come home as often as I could. Our schedule wasn’t the only thing that changed – because my father was unable to work, our lifestyle changed considerably due to the financial strain from hospital bills. We now considered ease of access everywhere we travelled to make sure it was safe for his wheelchair. One night, my mother confided that she had never spent so much time with my father in the entirety of their marriage. Cancer is not only a physical fight but a myriad of battles that accompany the diagnosis. Standing strong with my family through all of these hurdles has helped me to develop a comprehensive and unique perspective on the challenges that health issues bring to patients and their families.

My father has since returned to work in the ER, and continues to greet patients with a smile, grateful to be alive and healthy enough to practice medicine. Even before my father got sick, I was in love with medicine, too. From a young age, I questioned the world around me with a thirst for answers that never waned. As I learned body systems in anatomy and physiology, I looked at illness and injury as a puzzle waiting to be solved. When I was taking care of my dad, he told me I should look into PA school. He said “if you love medicine and actually want to spend time with patients, become a Physician Assistant.” In my time shadowing in the Emergency Department, I have found this to be very true. While the doctors intercept phone calls from specialists and chart lengthy notes, the PAs are in the room with patients, performing a review of symptoms or suturing lacerations all while keeping the patient informed and calm to ameliorate stress levels. The positive impact on the patient care experience is palpable. I want to apply the same compassion and understanding that I have acquired during my own family’s experiences and those from shadowing in the emergency room in order to better someone else’s health care experience.

First, I was very relieved to read that your dad is back to work. You and your family have been through extraordinary ordeals. However, despite how well written they are (and this is a great essay from a writing/storytelling point of view), the telling of those could be cut back. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country about these essays, they all said they care less about family illness experiences and more about current patient experiences. In your case, dealing with your dad’s cancer was recent enough to be significant and count as recent experiences, but you could cut back to add some information. Specifically, you say that you’ve developed your own personal philosophy about patient care, yet haven’t written what it is. That’s a topic you could expand, using your experiences in the ED to exemplify it.

There are sentences here and there that could be cut to give you room or even to get you down to your CASPA limit if you decide not to add anything. Here are some examples:

“He told me he was fine and not to worry, all while joking about getting a room with the Indians game on, so I believed him.”

“Our schedule wasn’t the only thing that changed – because my father was unable to work, our lifestyle changed considerably due to the financial strain from hospital bills. We now considered ease of access everywhere we travelled to make sure it was safe for his wheelchair. One night, my mother confided that she had never spent so much time with my father in the entirety of their marriage.”

“From a young age, I questioned the world around me with a thirst for answers that never waned.”

“(a trick I learned from my own experience with IV antibiotics to treat osteomyelitis a year prior).”

“I had a tough choice to make: return to school and continue pursuing my degree, or stay home and help my mother.”

Just by eliminating those few sentences, you gain over 700 characters and spaces. (Remember, both count). If you go through your essay and scrutinize every word to see if it’s necessary, you’ll retain the character and heart of your essay and still have room to expand on your philosophy of patient care.

By the way, don’t capitalize physician assistant unless it’s part of a formal name.

I hope this helps and wish you (and your family) the best.

Personal Statement Example 9

“Whether you know it or not, you do have the power to touch the lives of everyone you encounter and make their day just a little bit better.” I once heard a resident named Mary console her peer who was feeling useless with this small piece of advice. Mary had lived at Lutheran Home for about 5 years. She had the warmest smile that spread across her face and seemed to tell a story. It was a smile that reminded me of the kind smile my grandmother used to have. I remember thinking that this woman truly amazed me and seemed to have an uncanny ability to comfort others. Mary was a selfless, compassionate woman that I admired very much. One day I learned that Mary had fallen while trying to transfer into the shower and had injured her arm and had hit her head. This incident, followed by more health issues, seemed to be the start to her declined orientation and abilities. Mary was put on bed rest, slowly began to lose her appetite and began to have pain. For the next few months, I was happy when I was assigned to care for Mary because the statement I had witnessed truly came to life. Mary was not always well taken care of and had no family visitors in her last days. Many times I would try to check in to ensure her comfort, sit with her in my free time or reproach Mary when she had refused a meal to get her to eat a little more. In the end, small things like holding her had, being there for her and talking to her undoubtedly made her day just a little better. Mary taught me to be patient, respectful and compassionate to each and every person I encounter and I have truly witnessed the improvement that this approach provides in the healing process. I believe that this manner is essential to being a remarkable physician assistant.

I first learned about the Physician Assistant career when I began working at University of Massachusetts Memorial Hospital, and the model resonated strongly with my life’s motivation. I am passionate about relationship building, quality time with people, and the flexibility to be a lifelong learner. I love the idea of a reduced burden on the PA’s because it allows focus on and development of their strengths. I know in my deepest core that this profession is what I am meant to do. Yes I am hardworking, ambitious and a team player, but what makes me distinctly qualified to pursue a professional degree as a physician assistant is my humanity and kindness that I have learned through my experiences. To me, a physician’s assistant serves her patients, her doctor and her community with respect and compassion.

There are an immeasurable amount of moments that I have experienced in patient care that have inspired my career choice. In memory of Mary, and every patient who has individually touched my everyday life I have found my passion with this humanity. I always take the time to be with my patients, understand their point of view, form a connection with them and give them the best quality care I can possibly provide. I have been involved in direct patient care in different settings for 3 years and find great joy every day I go to work. To be able to influence a person’s everyday life is a blessing and gives me my inner peace. There is no greater reward in life than to share your love and compassion with the world to make everyone else’s life just a little bit better.

I’m going to start my comments with the exact same cautions I gave to Andrea in the essay below: Before I forget, physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s part of a formal name, such as the name of an actual school. Even worse, and something you should absolutely never do is call the profession, “physician’s assistant.” That’s not the name of the profession. As I’m sure you know it’s physician assistant. If you make it plural, it’s physician assistants or if possessive, physician assistant’s. Every Admissions Director and faculty member i interviewed about writing these essays said getting the name of the profession wrong is a big red flag.

Now to the heart of your essay. First, the good stuff. You story about Mary is lovely, and although it needs editing, it’s a good way to start your essay. You also start to tell about why you want to be a PA, and that’s great.

Now the not so great stuff. In your paragraph about why you want to be a PA, you write, “I love the idea of a reduced burden on the PA’s because it allows focus on and development of their strengths.” I don’t have any idea what you mean by this and I doubt Admissions folks will either. If you try to explain what you mean, it will probably not serve you well in the essay, so leave that sentence out. I’ll jump to the conclusion, and tell you that the words “In memory of Mary, and every patient who has individually touched my everyday life,” are so overused, they’re meaningless. Cut this whole sentence (the last part doesn’t really make sense as it’s written — I know what you’re trying to say, but you haven’t quite gotten it right). You don’t need it, anyway because it doesn’t help your essay.

I hate to say this, because it’s the theme of your essay, but almost every single person who writes a PA essay says they’ve learned humanity and kindness through their experiences. So that definitely doesn’t make you different from other candidates. It’s great to mention those things, just don’t qualify them by suggesting it makes you different from other candidates because it doesn’t.

If you’ve shadowed or had contact with PAs through your work, use those experiences to tell more about why you want to be a PA. That would really add depth to your essay. You’ll have to cut down on the Mary story, but that’s okay — there’s a lot of extra writing there.

Here’s how I’d edit your conclusion (mostly using your words, just rearranged):

“In my three years of direct patient care, I have experienced innumerable moments such as those with Mary, that have inspired my career choice. I always spend time with my patients, understand their points of view, form a connection with them, and give them the best quality care I can possibly provide. There is no greater reward in life than to share your love and compassion with the world to make everyone else’s life just a little bit better.”

Now you’ll add a sentence to the conclusion about how being a PA will allow you to do these things. Otherwise it reads as if you love what you’re doing and it’s the job for you.

Personal Statement Example 10

By: Andrea B

My journey to Physician’s Assistant school started three years ago when my life was an utter mess. I was in an unsatisfying relationship, in a career that made me completely miserable, and I suffered from headaches everyday from the stress of dealing with these issues. I knew I was not where I was supposed to be in life.

I freed myself from my unsatisfying relationship. The timing may not have been perfect, as I ended the relationship two months before our wedding, but I know I saved myself years of heartache. Four months after ending my engagement, I was laid off from my job. Shortly after being laid off, I had a seizure due to the headache medicine that I had been taking everyday prior to being laid off. This confirmed to me that I needed a career change.

I have never been at a loss for ambition, but my recent experience gave me pause as to the direction I should go. One day a trusted advisor asked me if I had ever thought of becoming a doctor or a physician’s assistant. At first, I dismissed the idea because I knew not only would I have to go back to school, I would have to take challenging classes such as chemistry. The thought of taking chemistry and math-related classes intimidated me. The fear of financial and academic failure made me consider what I needed and wanted. After researching and comparing physicians, nurse practitioners and physician’s assistants, I felt a genuine interest in the PA field. The length of time in school, the cost of schooling, the level of autonomy, and the ability to explore specialties are a few reasons why becoming a PA is appealing. For a time, I avoided making a decision for fear of making the wrong one. I especially wrestled with knowing that if I went back to school, I’d have to take classes that I took as an undergraduate over twelve years ago. However, indecision due to fear was robbing me of my time and thrusting into me paralyzing thoughts of what may never happen.

In the interest of challenging my fear, I decided to volunteer with a local fire and rescue station to obtain my EMT-B certification. Additionally, I began taking classes that I thought I might struggle with. Logically, I thought, if I could love being in this fast paced healthcare setting and continue to find the motivation to undertake some of the most challenging classes of my college career, I’d be reassured I was on the right path.

Returning to school was not easy. I did have to withdraw from college chemistry my first semester as I was overwhelmed with change. I was a bit rusty and needed to ease into the semester so that I could practice the habits that make me a great student. Once I found my footing, I enrolled in college chemistry again, and I really enjoyed it. I felt as if my mind was expanding and I was learning things that I once thought I could not easily learn. My confidence soared, and I wondered what all my apprehension and anxiety was about.

Obtaining my EMT-Basic certification, volunteering, and returning to school to conquer my most demanding classes to date has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my life. Becoming an EMT-B has allowed me to learn fundamental healthcare such as conducting patient assessments and history, understanding anatomy and physiology concepts, and communicating with patients. The EMS field has rendered me more open-minded and tolerant, allowing me to treat people of all different socioeconomic status, education levels, and ethnicities. I have seen a very human side of people I otherwise would not.

I now have a clear picture of what I want, I’m driven and know what I want to achieve. I have grown professionally and personally while providing compassionate care to others and pushing myself to an extent that I did not think was possible. In addition, since returning to school I realize that I enjoy confronting my fears and I am better at challenging myself and learning new things than when I was in my teens and twenties. I am eager to take this desire to the next level, striving ever to enrich my life with the challenges that only a profession in the physician’s assistant field can bring.

Before I forget, physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s part of a formal name, such as the name of an actual school. Even worse, and something you should absolutely never do is call the profession, “physician’s assistant.” That’s not the name of the profession. As I’m sure you know it’s physician assistant. If you make it plural, it’s physician assistants or if possessive, physician assistant’s. Every Admissions Director and faculty member i interviewed about writing these essays said getting the name of the profession wrong is a big red flag.

Your essay has some very good writing and information. It explains your journey and discloses some of the difficulties you’ve had with returning to school. Your persistence speaks highly of your determination, and that’s excellent.

Still there are things to work on. First I’d recommend you cut the entire second paragraph. It’s not helpful, it’s not relevant and would probably make Admissions Directors wonder a little bit about your judgment and skills. Although calling off your wedding was assuredly the right thing, you don’t have the space to explain why you did it two months before. I’m also sure there were reasons you were laid off that didn’t have anything to do with your abilities, but you don’t have room to explain that either. There’s no need for any of that in your essay.

When you start your third paragraph, you refer to a “recent experience” essentially as a reason you decided to pursue a career as a PA. So you must tell what that experience was.

You need to talk more about why you’ve chosen the PA profession. Now that you’ve been in the real world of healthcare, talk about some of your interactions with PAs and why you’re sure you’ve made the right decision to pursue this career. You’ll need to cut more to do that, which shouldn’t be hard.

For example this is how I’d edit your fifth paragraph:

“Returning to school was not easy. I did have to withdraw from college chemistry my first semester as I was a bit rusty and needed to practice the habits that make me a great student. Once I found my footing, I enrolled in college chemistry again, and I really enjoyed it. I felt as if my mind was expanding and I was learning things that I once thought I could not easily learn.”

Use the same scrutiny with your other paragraphs and you’ll have plenty of room to write the most important part of the essay — why you want to be a PA and why you’ll be a great one.

Personal Statement Example 11

My strongest memory of my “abuelita” involves her, in tears, recounting her fathers’ refusal to allow her to study medicine because she was a woman. Perhaps this story remains so clear on account of her dementia driven repetitiveness, but I suspect it was my emotional response of longing for a calling as strong as hers. Where we did share the same love of crossword puzzles and literature, I never felt physician was the right career for me- despite her grandmotherly insistence. Today I am confident that Physician Assistant (PA) is the answer to a question I have been asking myself for a long time now. What will I dedicate my life to? As a student oscillating between a career in medicine and international development it was unclear which path best fit my character and career goals. Following my passions led me to find the PA occupation. It is a combination of everything I am interested in: biology, health education and public service.

My fascination with the human body led me to major in Physiology and Neuroscience at the University of California, San Diego (UCSD). This course of study inspired and challenged me as it combined my interest in biology and enthusiasm for problem solving. A Biochemistry course presented more of a challenge than others. I immediately retook the course learning a valuable lesson- that personal growth comes from challenges. With this lesson in mind I decided to enter post graduate life through the toughest challenge I could imagine- volunteering for two years in a third world country. In an effort to pursue my interest in both health and international development I joined the Peace Corps. Furthermore this allowed me to work for an organization whose philosophy I could believe in. The Peace Corps attempts to make a real difference in the lives of real people. Within months of living in rural Ecuador I took notice and was inspired by the tangible and immediate impact made by medical professionals.

Eager to join them I jumped at the opportunity to collaborate with a rural health clinic. Some of my responsibilities included taking patient histories and vital signs, providing hands on assistance to the gynecologist and developing a community health education program. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the research, creativity and problem solving it took to develop and implement health education that would really reach the people I was trying to help. Whether facilitating workshops, consulting in the clinic, or in home visits, I thrived on patient interaction with people from vastly different backgrounds. I found that one thing is universal; everyone wants to feel heard. A good practitioner first needs to be a good listener. I also found that my lack of medical knowledge at times left me feeling helpless like when I was unable to help a woman who approached me after a family planning workshop. We were in a community hours away from medical care. She had persistent vaginal bleeding since giving birth three months prior. It struck me that there was little I could do without a medical degree. This experience, and others like it, inspired me to further my education to become a medical practitioner.

Since my return from the Peace Corps I enthusiastically pursued the PA profession. I completed the remaining pre requisites with high marks, took an accelerated EMT course at UCLA, volunteered in the emergency room (ER) and shadowed a number of PAs. One PA, Jeremy, has been a particularly impactful role model. He maintains strong, trusting relationships with the patients. He is extremely knowledgeable, unhurried, and personable as he meets patient needs. It is no wonder they request him as their primary care practitioner and I hope to practice with the same skill one day. All of my shadowing experiences reaffirmed my career objectives most align with that of a PA, where I can focus on the care and treatment of my patients, without the added responsibility of owning my own business.

Whereas Peace Corps ignited my passion for a career in medicine and shadowing in the family practice opened my eyes to the PA profession, working as an emergency room technician (ER Tech) has cemented my desire to become a PA. In addition to my ER Tech duties I am a certified Spanish interpreter. Every day I am fortunate enough to work closely with a large staff of PAs, physicians and nurses. Often times I interpret for the same patient throughout their entire visit. Through these interactions I have developed a great deal of appreciation for the PAs. As they typically treat less acute patients they can spend more time on patient education. The most meaningful part of my job is ensuring patients receive quality medical care regardless of their language or education. An unexpected benefit has resulted from the doctors, PAs and nurses recognizing my enthusiasm for learning and sharing their medical knowledge to help me realize my dream of one day becoming a PA.

A theme of helping the medically underserved has developed over the course of my adult life. Unequivocally it is my calling to continue this gratifying work as PA in primary care. I am confident I will succeed in your program because of my dedication to finishing everything that I start and desire to learn. I am an exceptional candidate due to my multi-cultural perspective, years of experience in bilingual patient care and commitment to the physician assistant profession. Upon completion of Physician Assistant school I will be the first in my generation of 36 cousins to receive a graduate education. My abuelita would be brimming with pride.

I liked your story about your abuelita. It’s an engaging opening and coming full circle in your conclusion is great.

Your essay has a lot of good things, in fact too many. It’s 5573 characters and spaces, which is 573 over the CASPA limit, so things have to go.

Start by scrutinizing every word and seeing what can go. There are quite a few unnecessary sentences. This one for example, “Where we did share the same love of crossword puzzles and literature, I never felt physician was the right career for me — despite her grandmotherly insistence.” It’s sweet, but unnecessary. If you had the space, sure you’d leave it, but since you’re over the word count, sweet gets cut so substance remains. But if you decide to use it, the dash should be an “em dash.” Hold the shift and option keys, then press the dash key.

Take these two for example, “Furthermore this allowed me to work for an organization whose philosophy I could believe in. The Peace Corps attempts to make a real difference in the lives of real people.” Your opinion about the Peace Corps and talking about the benefit of the organization doesn’t do a thing for your essay, and distracts from the content. It’s like taking a left turn, realizing you made a mistake and having to stop and turn around.

This is an awkward sentence and could be cut, “I am confident I will succeed in your program because of my dedication to finishing everything that I start and desire to learn.” Your next sentence is much, much stronger, and you’ve essentially said much of the same throughout your essay.

Personal Statement Example 12

Dirt. Coating the curve of my ear, the lining of my nostrils, and sticking to my overheated, salty skin; it’s present with every inhale of breath. The Mexican sun beats heat upon my sunburnt shoulders. A Spanish-speaking boy pulls me into the dirt to sit cross-legged across from each other while he teaches me a rhythmic hand-slapping game. I notice his leg is angled awkwardly as if he is compensating for a weak spot on his calf. Peering over his lap, I catch a glimpse of a silver dollar sized pus-filled bump. He shies away. Why should he trust a church volunteer building houses in Mexico? I’m powerless to help this young boy, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless.

Ice. Melting and seeping into woolen gloves, encasing my freezing fingers. The wind races across my cheeks, slips in the cracks of my jacket and scarf. I am in Detroit. The man with the bare, wrinkled hand grasps my arm with a crinkly smile. He is a veteran who feels more at home in this dark, concrete corner in downtown Detroit than any hospital. He bends to show me his swelling feet with red whelps racing along his shins. Why does he trust me? I am just a volunteer at a soup kitchen, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless.

Droplets. Clinging and racing down the tip of a large tropical leaf, splashing onto my arm through a rusty metal window. Horns honk. Bells dance. Touts clamor for my attention. Amid the wet, tropical heat, people move in every direction atop a carpet of trash lining the streets. I’m sitting on a crowded, sweltering bus outside Delhi, India. A young beggar drags himself up the metal steps of the bus. One elbow in front of the other, he slowly crawls up the aisle. He attempts to pull himself into my lap, dried blood and dirt matting his head, flies swarming his ears, thigh stumps dangling off the edge of the seat. Although I shouldn’t, I help him over my lap to the seat beside me, tears streaming down my face. Money will not help him. Money would just encourage him to persuade a few coins off the next tourist that comes along. I’m sure he trusts no one even though he pretends to engage me, for he sees me as a target rather than as a backpacker volunteering anywhere an extra set of hands is needed along my travels. I am powerless to heal him. I feel helpless.

All three of these experiences are just snapshots of the times I have felt helpless. Helplessness began as a child and older sister, coming from a single mother family with no health insurance, no college degrees and the emptiest cart in line at the local grocery store; helplessness has ended as I have risen above unlikely odds, returning to college after the experiences of volunteer work locally, across the U.S. and across the globe.

I have had the opportunity to work and volunteer in orphanages and local medical clinics serving the underprivileged within multiple countries. I have had a taste of what it is like to treat wounds, to assist in transporting the wounded, to sit comfortingly beside the bed of a woman with resistant tuberculosis as she took her last breaths. I have worked alongside many health professionals along the way, but the physician assistants stood out to me. They were versatile and compassionate, spending the majority of their time with the patients. Most adapted to every new circumstance and smoothly transitioned between specialties in the field. Every encounter with a patient or a physician assistant has fueled my ambition and fever for more knowledge and skills, leading me back to re-enrolling in college.

My transcript break between immature teenager and driven adult taught me inalienable concepts such as sacrifice, pain, hard work, appreciation, compassion, integrity and determination. I nurtured my passions and discovered my strengths and weaknesses. Six years after leaving college and four years after returning, I am now the first college graduate in my family, having worked my way through as a restaurant server depending on academic scholarships and tips. On each break in between semesters I have continued my volunteer work locally, in Thailand, and in Haiti. In the upcoming year, I have secured a position as an emergency room technician and will also complete a Pre-PA internship through Gapmedic in Tanzania in the spring to continue to prepare for a Physician Assistant Program.

In the memory of every human connection I have made along my journey, having both been a member of as wells as served the underprivileged, I will continue my drive and ambition toward Physician Assistant Studies in hopes I can continue to become a little less helpless.

All your rewriting has paid off. This is an excellent essay. The conclusion though, isn’t as strong as the rest of the essay. “In the memory of” is really overused. You don’t need it. (There was a typo — “wells” but that portion of the sentence was awkward, anyway). Instead leave it at this with a new word for one of the “continue/s” (You don’t want to repeat that word in the last sentence of your essay): “Every human connection I have made along my journey continues to my drive and ambition toward Physician Assistant Studies, in hopes I can continue to become a little less helpless.” Even better, would be a change in focus in the last few words to those you’ll help instead of keeping it self-focused. (I know that’s what you meant, it doesn’t read that way).

Great job overall!

Personal Statement Example 13

By: Sudheer

When I look back over the last several years of my life, I never foresaw myself considering a second career. However, several exciting and fulfilling experiences that I had over the last few years have led to my decision to pursue dentistry as a career.

A future in the health care field was a natural choice for me, coming from a family of health care workers. I also had a flair for biology right from my school days and my interest in holistic medicine found me choosing a career in homeopathic medicine. I have striven hard to keep myself among the top 10% of the class and my curiosity and interest in the human body and diseases that affect it has grown by leaps and bounds during my years of homeopathic medical training.

The motivation behind me, to become a health care professional was being a victim to see the sufferings faced my Grand Father who was a lung cancer patient (mesothelioma). Since we were residing at a rural area in India, my Grand Father had to travel for more than 2 hours to get medical care. Shortness of breath due to pleural effusion, chest pain and the sufferings after chemotherapy, all these annoying hardship which he suffered motivated me of becoming a health care professional in future.

Moreover the kindness and care the Doctors, and other healthcare professionals showed towards him, made him to overcome the sufferings, had always motivated me to continue being passionate about my healthcare career in spite of all difficulties in this pathway. There was nothing the medicine can do in his late 80s, unless giving him support and joyful time in his remaining days. I still remember the Physician and his assistant who always visited him and advised to be bold and prepared to face everything. He trusted his care group .Their words made his last moments of death a peaceful one. From that day onwards, I had no other thought of what to become in future.

My fiance, a software engineer, had made plans to immigrate to the United States and pursue further training in Java. When I told him about my interest in medical field, he immediately encouraged me to apply to PA school once we reached America. After all, America was the land of opportunity- a place where you could set out to achieve whatever dreams you may have in your heart. During my husband’s training, he mentioned to me that he had several co-workers who were engineers or lawyers, who successfully made medicine their second career. Elated by his encouragement and excited about the prospect of becoming a PA, I planned to complete the prerequisites to PA school with a 4.0 GPA. I learned quickly to manage my time efficiently between taking care of my kids and studying for my course work. My rotation in the holistic clinic in our final year of homeopathic school has also greatly influenced me. Life stress and unhealthy habits cause most of today’s illnesses. I found that although most physicians do an excellent job of counseling patients on which drugs to take, they spend little time talking about healthy life habits. The prospect of treating the patient as a whole rather than his or her complains alone was, to me, the way to go.

I am especially interested in being a physician assistant in the field of Internal Medicine. The physician assistant, to me, is like a detective, gathering all the clues and arriving at a logical diagnosis. Since it is so broad, and since its sub-specialties are so well developed, I believe that Internal Medicine is the most challenging of all specialties

Charisma is a trait difficult to learn but from my childhood days, I have practiced to gain very quickly the attention, respect and trust of others by a good smile. Being a good team player, excellent communication skills, my passion and my dedication helped me providing good quality care to my patients. The rewards that come from improving the patients’ quality of life have motivated me to become an influential and successful healthcare professional and I assure this would add to my Physician assistant Program as well.

With all these experiences in medical field and my intense desire to continue as a healthcare professional, I hope, specifically, Physician Assistant would be a perfect match. Patience and persistence are essential twins needed in healthcare profession and hope I have achieved it during my clinical experience. Through my healthcare experiences, I have grown not only as healthcare professional, but also an individual. I have become a great listener, an assertive partner, and a positive worker to the patients and healthcare team which are important attributes for a Physician Assistant. Determination, perseverance and hard work have taught me how to succeed throughout life. Along with my passion for medicine and healing people, my desire to provide quality care to underserved communities, my life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs into the person I am today which has motivated me to be an influential and successful Physician Assistant in future.

I am very much attracted to the career of being a Physician Assistant. I want to help as many people as I can. The medical field is not easy in any way; from the vigorous studying to the emotional attachment to a patient. I know that I am prepared, and will be even more equipped once a Physician Assistant. I believe ‘The future should always be seen as bright and optimistic. I always believe in positive thinking. The Power of Positive Thinking, I prefer the positives in my personal and everyday lives. I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients. With all my experiences inside and outside of the United States, I strongly believe that I will make a great Physician Assistant. Having lived and studied in Middle east (Dubai and Abudhabi), India and now in the United States, I can speak Malayalam, Hindi and English and I believe that I can enrich the cultural diversity of the class. To become a Physician Assistant, requires life-long hard work, persistence, patience, dedication and above all, the right kind of right temperament. I believe that my training in homeopathic medicine gives me a unique and different perspective on patient care, that when combined with my training as a Physician Assistant can be invaluable in delivering excellent patient care. I hope to not only treat my patients, but also their family member’s wounded spirits.

I look forward to the next stage in my professional life with great enthusiasm. Thank you for your consideration.

Hi Sudheer,

You have some great talents and skills — your ability to speak several languages and your diverse background will take you far. Unfortunately, an essay written like this will not allow people to see those the way they need to.

First, your second sentence of the essay is, “However, several exciting and fulfilling experiences that I had over the last few years have led to my decision to pursue dentistry as a career.” That just about made me stop reading right there. This is a PA school application! Cut the entire first paragraph.

Second your character and space count is over 6500, and the CASPA limit is 5000. So right off the bat, much must be cut from your essay to fit the guidelines.

Most importantly, your essay is confusing in many aspects. I don’t often say this for obvious reasons, but it really needs professional editing. There are grammar and structure problems (not surprising since American English is not your first language) throughout. By the way, this is how you spell “grandfather” and physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s in a formal name.

Normally, I’d edit a sample paragraph, but your essay needs a more thorough edit than I can offer here. I’d recommend you do the one-on-one sessions with Duke for this. I know it’s expensive, but he can walk you through what your essay needs and help you organize it. At a minimum, I would suggest you sign up for the one-time edit. You want your essay to reflect your many good skills and qualities, and this just doesn’t do it.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help here.

I wish you the best.

Personal Statement Example 14

I would love some feedback on my essay! I am just over 4500 characters, so I have a little wiggle room for editing

From an older sister caring for seven little sibling to an in-charge paramedic, my life has been full of unique experiences that have molded me into the healthcare provider I am today. I never thought I would seek to further my education past a baccalaureate level, after all, my higher education was supposed to prepare me for an inevitable role as a stay-at-home wife and mother. However, working as a paramedic and earning a degree Emergency Health Sciences has awoken a passion for medicine that drives me forward. As I work on the ambulance I am constantly plagued by my desire to do more for my patients. This insatiable desire to expand my knowledge in order to effectively help the ill and injured provides my motivation for becoming a physician assistant.

As the second oldest in a family of nine children, homeschooled in a small religious subculture, my academic journey has been anything but normal. My parents taught me to be both an independent learner and a teacher to my siblings. Although my parents emphasized rigorous academics, my time as a child was split balancing schoolwork and caring for my younger siblings. I poignantly remember sitting at the kitchen table teaching myself biology late into the evening, tired after a long day of babysitting my siblings. I tried to study earlier, but my mother had been busy, leaving me with little time for school until the children were tucked into bed. As I struggled to stay awake the thought of a career in the medical field seemed like a pipe dream. Little did I know, those days spent studying index cards while cooking dinner and wiping little noses taught me invaluable skills in time management, responsibility, and empathy. These skills have proven to be the key to success in both my education and career as a paramedic.

After I completed my EMT-Basic certification in high school, I knew my future lay in the medical field. In an attempt to follow my parents’ requirement to enter a course of study deemed “appropriate” for a woman, I began pursuing a degree in nursing. During the first semester of my freshman year, my family fell on difficult financial times and I had to develop a backup plan. Feeling the weight of responsibility to ease the financial strain on my family, I utilized credit by exam to test out of my remaining core curriculum and entered a fast-paced paramedic program.

Becoming a paramedic has proven to be the most formative decision in my life thus far. As the youngest in-charge paramedic at my company, I once again felt a heavy weight of responsibility as I stretched my leadership skills to new levels. Not only is the in-charge paramedic responsible for patient care decisions, my EMT partner and local first responders look to me for direction and scene management. The skills I acquired caring for my family have served me well, as I was recently promoted to a field training officer. Not only has my job allowed me to break free from the familial constraints that hindered a career in medicine, it has taught me the true purpose of healthcare. Emergency medicine is not merely a job; it is an opportunity to touch the lives of others during times of pain and suffering. The physical, mental, and emotional stress of being a paramedic pushes me to a critical level where I am forced to overcome these obstacles or fail my patients. Faced with chaos and life and death situations I must garner all my time management and mental capacities to provide rapid, accurate, and empathetic care to my patients. These challenges have sharpened my intellect, but more importantly they have made me a stronger and more compassionate person.

Interacting with individuals of all ages and walks of life has caused my studies to come alive and fuels my desire to continue my education as a physician assistant. Diseases are no longer a list of diagnostic criteria in a textbook; they take on faces and names with tangible struggles and symptoms. These experiences have opened my eyes to a level of suffering too compelling to dismiss. I must be more and know more so that I may do more. Working with these patients, I feel restrained by my knowledge and skill level. I once thought that earning my degree in emergency medicine would serve to break these restraints, but the opposite has occurred. The more I learn the more I realize how vast the study of medicine is, and my ardor to continue my education grows. Becoming a physician assistant is my opportunity to break these restraints and continue onward in a life dedicated to learning and service to the ill and injured.

Overall, this is very well done. I love some of the images of you with your siblings. I can see it all perfectly.

There are however, a few issues. In the very first sentence, for example, you left the “s” off siblings. It’s a small point, but important — Admissions folks expect you to pay attention to detail (details can be the difference between life and death as you know), and an error right off the bat is a red flag. Those are hard to catch — it’s very difficult to be our own editors, so be sure to have someone proofread your essay before you send it in.

Then there’s the overwriting (melodrama). Phrases and words like “awoken a passion,” “plagued” “insatiable” “fueled” “poignantly” are distracting, and instead of creating impact, they lessen it. Speak plain English and you’ll be a lot better off.

Your essay is focused on emergency medicine. I would recommend that you write some about the expanded practice the PA profession affords. You could shorten the second paragraph to accommodate additional information — the second and third sentences are essentially the same. I would cut the second. You could also skip the information about your parents wanting you to go into nursing and how you started down that path if you need the space. It’s not particularly helpful to the essay.

Otherwise, you’ve made good points and written them well.

Personal Statement Example 15

By: Jennifer

This is my first draft please let me know how I am doing.

In the Honduran heat, my volunteer team from Georgia Southern University was hard at work to build a new school for the children of a small Honduran village. The children had never had easy access to education due to the fact that the nearest school was miles away, and the walk was dangerous. As I spoke with one of the women from the village, in the little bit of Spanish I knew at the time, she informed me that not only was education lacking, but also they did not have regular access to healthcare. Since the village had no electricity or modern technologies, reaching a healthcare provider in an emergency would take too long for the patient. Many people suffered from easily treated illnesses due to the shortage of providers.

When I returned to the United States, I began to see that there are many individuals who have difficulty receiving the healthcare that they need. I continued to notice a need when I completed a medical internship in rural south Georgia during my undergraduate years. In every clinic, I noticed that the schedule was booked with patients and the phone constantly rang with people needing treatment. Due to the growing population and a shortage of primary care physicians, this has become a significant problem in many areas in the United States. My desire is to work along with others to serve in areas of need both domestically and globally to improve the health of individuals.

In order to achieve this goal, a career in the medical field would allow me to make this difference. When making the decision of what career in the medical field I wanted, I examined who I am and what I enjoy in life. I enjoy interacting with people and learning about them as individuals. One cannot support the entire wellness of the patient without taking into consideration who the person is as a unique individual. When I worked as an anesthesia technician, I would talk to the patients prior to surgery. I spoke to them about their families and what they enjoyed in life to calm their nerves. When the time came to transport them to the operating room, most patients were smiling and ready for the surgery.

Through my shadowing experiences, I noticed that physician assistants (PA) had a strong connection with their patients. For example, in the emergency room I observed a PA talk to a woman for thirty minutes trying to calm her down and assure her that she was in no danger. This close relationship is what allows patients to trust their providers and feel comfortable enough to reveal all the pieces of their case.

I have been exposed to a variety of medical situations through employment and experience as an anesthesia technician, a shadow of both doctors and PAs, a medical scribe and a volunteer at a medical clinic. What I have learned in these situations has inspired me to become a physician assistant. As I continue my path no matter where I am in the world, I hope to continue to learn about the individuals around me and provide the best patient care possible.

Hi Jennifer,

It sounds as if you have quite a bit of experience, which is excellent. The problem with your essay is that it reads more like a report than a personal statement. With the different things you’ve done, you have great opportunities to write a really engaging essay.

So, with the first paragraph, instead of making it documentary sounding, tell what you observed. Did the people show signs of untreated diseases or injuries — crooked limbs are just one thing that comes to mind from untreated broken bones. What about a lack of dental care (Did people have swollen faces from infections? Teeth missing)? I realize you were there to build a school, but certainly you observed things healthcare related. Write those descriptions. You can do the same with your paragraph about your internship in rural Georgia.

Highlight your experiences with PAs so you write a convincing essay about why the profession appeals to you and why you’re right for the profession. You’ve got the experience, now your job is to put it on paper.

Your essay as written isn’t one that I can pull out a paragraph to edit because it needs to be redone with the things I’ve mentioned. Don’t feel bad — writing is rewriting!

Personal Statement Example 16

There is something wrong. “Are you feeling alright?” I ask Joe, the patient I was helping get back into bed after a walk in the hallway. Seated on the edge of his bed, his face is crunched and his breathing is labored. This isn’t normal for Joe who just laughed with me about being able to sprint out of here when he is discharged from the hospital. “I’m not sure, my back all the sudden hurts pretty bad.” Scenarios flash through my mind, but all my better judgment leads to nothing too serious with that sort of complaint. Maybe he needs a pain pill, does he have a past injury that gives him pain, are the hospital beds hard on his back, all these questions run through my mind. I look at Joe and then I look behind me at Maria, Joe’s wife, who is in his room and in an infallible instant her eyes are wide and she calls out his name, “Joe?!” I can almost feel her fear jump to me as I turn my head back and Joe’s head falls forward and his shoulders slump forward into me. My next moves were quick and purposeful; all the while my head was frantic and chaotic. I lay him down while yelling, “CODE! HELP! CALL A CODE!” I’m on top of Joe, my hands automatically start compressing his chest, and I’m counting, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…. I hear commotion behind me and someone in a white coat slides in to take my place without either of us saying a word or skipping a compression.

Next time I’m going to be the one in the white coat, taking over the situation with the right skills and knowledge, doing everything I can to save the patient. Joe had been my patient the last three days, and as most do, I built a relationship with him as his patient care technician. I felt a certain disconnect when I wasn’t able to stay with him during his code. There is a relationship with patients that is brought to another level when you are their physician assistant. You have a level of knowledge, and expertise that your patients trust you enough to come to you when they are sick and at their worst. There is an understanding of when you are in my care I will do everything possible to get you better. To gain this trust and connectivity along with the expertise are my motivation. (Give me your hardships and I will give you rest.)

In order to build these relationships there needs to be a strong foundation and basic understanding of emotions and effective communication. One of the first places I started to assemble my foundation was my first job as a certified nursing assistant, CNA, in a locked unit for dementia and alzheimer patients. I learned everyone has a past, a family, and a story to tell, even if they cannot remember it. One develops tenderness when caring for someone who can no longer care for themselves, but understands they were once independent, strong, and capable. A concern for their well being during these difficult years of their life develops along with compassion to give them the best care you capable of. There are times when you are caring for someone who is shouting at you, or laughing for no reason, or in hysterics. What I learned is there are messages in this, and knowing the person is knowing how to break this down to get at what they are truly telling you.

I spent time abroad in Kenya helping a local community build a new school, where I saw destitution, the effects of poverty, and disease. To see underneath ones circumstances was something I came to understand in order to have a real connection and understanding of the people we were helping. There is so much more to a person then their day to day life, there is a history, there are dreams, there is struggle, there is a fire to live and provide for themselves and families. There was a moment where girls my age were admiring my hair and clothes that I realized we are no different. It dawned on me that their circumstance of no shelter, scarce food, and little education could very well be mine. I started to try and understand their feelings and situations, which opened a new world of rapport and exchange between us.

Virginia Mason Hospital is the crescendo to my experience as a CNA. There is nothing like the dynamic of a busy hospital floor, and working on the cardiac/telemetry unit brought everything I had previously learned onto a new level. I experience patients from all walks and paths of life, all with different stories and different reasons that bring them to our floor. Where the nursing home taught the importance of the connection between care provider and patient, VM showed me the critical need to be able to operate in a highly dynamic and intense environment. Where prioritizing tasks, effective communication, and team work were an absolute job essential. I have no doubt that these skills will translate seamlessly into being a physician assistant.

The experience I have gained is revealing my appetite for knowledge to know more about how to effectively care for others. However, my scope as a CNA is limiting. There is an absolute need inside me that has been started that I now know it is time to move on with my story and take my career to the next level. However, going back to school will have its challenges. For almost my entire academic career I have worked either full time or part time, generating income. Once I start the MEDEX program this will not be an option. My household is going to lose an income and will be entirely dependent on my husband’s income. The challenge lies in the readjustments that will need to take place in our financial lives. They won’t be impossible by any means, but they will most likely be difficult to adjust to. There will also be time taken from my personal life that would otherwise be spent with my husband and family. To me this is just as valuable as money if not more so, but this also presents an opportunity to become creative with the time we do spend together and if anything makes it more special. My family understands my drive to be in the MEDEX program, and they will do nothing but support and hold me up to do what I need to succeed.

The support I have from my family has showed me that the pressure and demands of school combined with work can become a mountain that looks impossible to climb over. I think providing a family-like support atmosphere to my fellow classmates in the MEDEX program could be extremely beneficial .The classmates I will be with are going to become my second family. Being there for my classmates for help, as a listener, encourager, and identifying with them by going through the same struggles they might be experiencing is something I look forward to.

The second essay is off to a much better start than the first — for one you’re not plagiarizing Stephen, intentional or not!

There are a several problems with your essay. For one, it’s way over the CASPA limit of 5000 characters and spaces with a count of 6549. It also jumps around and lacks transitions.

That being said, the essay potentially has a good start with the Joe story, but you’ll have to clean up the writing. The story doesn’t always make sense, and some of the writing is disjointed. Below is what I’d do with the first part of your opening paragraph. (A few of the words are mine, and they’re just to illustrate the points I’m trying to make. You’d use your own words). By the way, don’t use two types of punctuation in a sentence like you did here: “Joe?!”

“Are you feeling alright?” I ask Joe, the patient I was helping get back into bed after a walk in the hallway. Seated on the edge of his bed, his face is crunched and his breathing is labored. This isn’t normal for Joe who just laughed with me about being able to sprint out of here when he is discharged from the hospital. “I’m not sure, my back all of the sudden hurts pretty bad.” I look at Joe and then I look behind me at Maria, Joe’s wife. Her eyes are wide and she calls out his name, “Joe?” I can almost feel her fear as I turn my head back to Joe and his head falls forward and he slumps into me. My next moves were quick and purposeful; even thought the thoughts inside my head were frantic and chaotic.”

What this does is not only eliminate unnecessary detail, it helps the story make more sense. You don’t need the first sentence at all, but the implication with or without it, is that there’s something serious going on. So when you write you think it might be the hospital bed that is causing his pain, I wonder why you’d put that in when we know what follows. Frankly, it makes it look like you were missing something big. We all have thoughts flash through our minds, hoping things aren’t as bad as they really are, but you haven’t prefaced you sentence with anything to tell us that’s what was happening to you. Some of the word choices didn’t make sense, either. This is an example: ” . . .in an infallible instant her eyes are wide . . .” Infallible is not the proper word to use here.

I usually don’t suggest professional editing for obvious reasons, but I think you could really benefit from it. I’m not saying this to be mean and I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings, but the essay needs a lot of work.

Of course, it could be you’re still in the early stages of drafting and you’ll clean it up!

At any rate, I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

Personal Statement Example 17

For so long, I ignored the idea that I could be successful in the medical profession. For the past ten years I worked fulltime in a management position with a Franchisee of Panera Bread. I worked throughout college while earning my bachelors degree for interpersonal communication. After graduating, I was successful in my position as a Director of Training for Panera Bread. Through these years I spent committed to Panera, the part I loved the most about the experience was working with the numerous managers and their people to reach their goals operationally, and build a family within.

Although I learned a lot about work ethic and leadership with my time at Panera Bread I always felt that I was capable of accomplishing a lot more and contributing more to society. I think this was something I’ve always wanted, but didn’t have the confidence to do. Growing up, I watched my mother as a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) nurse. We would visit her often at the hospital, and get a chance to see the premature babies that she cared for. More times than I could count, parents would tell me how wonderful my mom was to them and they wouldn’t have been able to get through this time without her. She was able to touch so many lives by not only caring for their health but also connecting to them on an emotional level. She made a difference in their lives that they will always remember. She was an inspiration in that regard, and that is what I aspire to accomplish by becoming a physician assistant (PA).

Becoming a PA will allow me to make a difference by doing something I already know I’m great at – helping people in a time of need. I have always been great at helping when someone is injured or hurting. It is a natural instinct for me to come to the rescue of others and do everything in my power to make them better. For example, during one of my shifts, a shift supervisor, Alexis, burned her forearm very badly on the rack oven door while putting in bagels. She was in so much pain and frightened by the shock of it. I quickly rushed to her and ran cold water over her arm, while talking to her to keep her calm and even managing to make her laugh. Once the pain calmed down, I applied burn spray and bandaged her up. This experience, and others like it, felt natural and made me consider changing career paths.

I want to become a PA to know how to properly take care of others that I already have the urge to help. I have spent time shadowing PAs as well as their physicians, and learned there is a harmonious partnership between the two. It’s not just the PA working for the physician, but working together towards one goal – helping the patient. This is the type of environment that makes me excited to become a PA. I am also excited about the multitude of opportunities that becoming a PA would allow for. Be it traveling to underdeveloped countries to provide care or donate time to the less fortunate, or even becoming a mentor to future PAs along their journey.

I know it’s an unconventional route to decide at 30 years old to give up a successful career in exchange for an entirely different path, but I truly believe this is what I was meant to do. I’m fortunate enough to have the support of my husband and family to help me accomplish this goal and I’m determined to see it through.

Congratulations on having the courage to pursue a goal that’s been tugging at you for all these years.

To convince Admissions folks you’re a great candidate for PA school, your essay needs some work. For one, I’d start it off this way (with a caveat — some of the words are mine and they’re just to illustrate the point): For so long, I ignored the idea that I could be successful in the medical profession, ten years to be exact, while I worked fulltime in a management position with a franchisee of Panera Bread. Although I learned a lot about work ethic and leadership with my time there, I always felt that I was capable of accomplishing and contributing more to society. A career in healthcare was something I’ve always wanted, but didn’t have the confidence to do it.” Then you have to explain why you always wanted a healthcare career and what changed for you to decide to pursue it.

Then I’d delete the rest of the first paragraph. If your mother is the reason you wanted to be in healthcare, you can briefly mention her work, and I mean briefly. Otherwise, the rest of that paragraph goes, too.

The example of Alexis is okay, but it’s not that compelling. You could cut that way down or even cut it completely. Admissions folks will be far more interested to find out why you specifically chose the PA profession. Use can use some of your shadowing experiences to paint that picture. By doing so, you’ll create the opportunity to tie the skills you’ve gained in a management position to those you’ll need as a PA.

I hope this helps and wish you the best.

Personal Statement Example 18

By: Samantha Lee

When I was little, a pencil and paintbrush were extensions of my fingers. I couldn’t say my ABC’s or count to 23, but with a box of crayons, 1,000 words were at my fingertips. In kindergarten, my teachers couldn’t stop me from doodling sloppy circles and smiley faces all over my notes. Until one day there was finally a subject that put my hobbies and talents to use: science.

I loved science because it was fascinating, constantly changing, and allowed me to expand my mind further than my imagination. Each science class brought a new world of knowledge, excitement, and change. As Galapagos turtles and finches were adapting in my head, my artwork was evolving as well. Erase, focus, sketch, erase, focus, sketch—a discipline that became ingrained in me. Overtime, with enough practice and patience, those smiley faces transformed into soccer balls and sunflowers.

It wasn’t until I attended an event at my sister’s medical school called A Day in the Life of a Medical Student that I was finally able to unite my interests. Unlike most people who turned away from the site of exposed organs or pinched their nose from the stench of formaldehyde, I perused the bodily exhibits, too excited to feel disturbed or nauseous. I performed my first surgery on a pig’s foot, ensuring the sutures perfect distances apart, resembling the laces of a football. From that day on, I was hooked; I left knowing that I would pursue a career in medicine. At home, those sunflower sketches started sprouting into cell cycles and circulatory systems.

My education and experiences at West Virginia University solidified my path to becoming a physician assistant. I studied a variety of subjects such as epigenetics, ecology, evolution, virology, microbiology, and comparative anatomy. I was prompted to think in ways I never had before; instead of giving up when I failed, I looked for new approaches and remained resilient. When I reattempted organic chemistry, I flipped, expanded, and reduced carbon rings all over the page until a solution was met. To my surprise, I found that I loved tutoring my classmates; whether it was drawing the virus life cycle step-by-step on a whiteboard or making a video tutorial of an anatomy dissection from start to finish, teaching through art became my new passion. Shifting among a wide array of talents, interests, and studies, my versatility is similar to physician assistants, who have the ability to transfer their knowledge and skills from one specialty to another. With my experience at WVU, I can take a problem flip it, expand it, and reduce it until I reach an innovative solution that doctors and patients expect from their physician assistants.

Hahn Medical Practices was where I met the Michelangelo’s and Da Vinci’s of dermatology. My experience there has afforded me the opportunity to shadow these outstanding artists—surgical physician assistants. In one particular instance of a Moh’s Surgery I remember entering a room, startled to find a patient with no skin on the majority of her left cheek and half of her nose. Calm and collected, the PA carefully prepared and drew out the skin flap on her forehead to replace the cancer-ridden skin. When the PA asked me to assist her, I jumped at the chance, both intrigued and ready for whatever would happen next. I assisted the PA as she cut the skin flap in the correct shape, twisted the flap over the nose, and secured it with interrupted stitches. When the patient came back a month later, she was cancer free and looking better than ever.

The patient’s turnout was not only the result of the PA’s amazing suturing ability, but also because of her warm, personable, reassuring attitude towards the patients—personality traits I both admired and to which I could relate. Looking back, compared to the PA’s stitches, the pig I sutured years ago looked more like I had butchered the pig’s foot. Ever since that day, I’ve yearned to transform that butchered foot into football laces, just like how my sloppy circles evolved into cell cycles and circulatory systems.

Being a surgical physician assistant is like being a sculptor, except instead of clay, marble, or granite, the medium is skin, human flesh, and tissue. The piece of art is not just some sculpture sitting in a museum; it’s a walking, talking, living, breathing human being. My patients would benefit from my situational awareness, my interest in a multitude of subjects, my compassion to teach, my attention to detail, and my steady hands that were once used for painting. In the future, my goal is to add a scalpel and needle driver to my tool kit so I can truly make an impact on my patient’s lives through art. I believe I embody what Albert Einstein meant when he said, “the greatest scientists are artists as well”.

Hi Samantha,

This is a clever essay, well done and complete. Truthfully, I wouldn’t change a thing — this is a winner!

Personal Statement Example 19

It was my first time leaving the country and I had no idea what to expect. Nestled in the backseat of my grandparents Cadillac as we headed south, away from Phoenix towards the Mexican border, I pictured Mexico. At 8 years old, my idea of this exotic country involved coconut trees and an ocean that extended beyond the curve of the earth. Movies and stories filled my head with visions of brightly colored clothing, wooden carts full of fruit, and happy families like mine. As we drove through the security checkpoints into the town of Nogales, my preconceived notions were proven exactly that, notions. Dirty streets lined with shanties were filled with people of all ages begging for money. The amount of physical suffering sent me reeling. My most vivid memory from the trip was of an older man hobbling on crutches, crying out in agony from the pain of a poorly amputated leg. For the first time in my life I saw poverty, on a level that I could never have imagined previously, but afterwards would never be able to forget.

That was the first of many moments when a fire was lit inside me and I knew that I had to find a career that involved helping people. I never forgot my experience in Nogales. It provided me with a sense of gratitude for my education and good fortune, and I felt compelled to pay it forward and help others. This desire to help people led me to explore many avenues of study but that one that absolutely stuck was science. After gaining hands on experience in a chemical engineering lab at UW Madison, I became excited to explore the research aspect of medicine. This led me to my current position doing research on virus driven lymphomas at the Medical College of Wisconsin. The challenge of designing, performing and analyzing experiments in a logical way has been both exciting and beneficial for my personal growth.

After shadowing in hospitals and working with patients at an optometrist’s office, it didn’t take long to realize that while I love research, I belong working with patients face to face. Working and building relationships with people who are different than myself is exactly what I hope to find in a career. Shadowing allowed me to observe the teamwork and trust that exists between the physician and the physician assistant (PA), and it was clear early on that my personality best fit in that role. As someone who has a wide range of interests and an eagerness to continue learning, I love that over the lifetime of this career there are opportunities to work in different specialties.

There are many characteristics that are similar between the roles of a researcher and a PA. First, working in an academic hospital has allowed me access to shadow PAs in many departments as well as attend lectures given by clinicians and researchers. Witnessing the collaborative network that exists in health care, I quickly learned that my ability to act as both a team player and work independently fit perfectly with the PA role. In addition, the PA works under the supervision of an authority figure much like a researcher and the Principal Investigator. After a year of working in this setting, I know I not only enjoy working in this position, but I am most confident and do my best work. Secondly, my aptitude for analysis has improved from carrying out research and will be important to have when diagnosing patients. Learning to connect pieces of information learned from multiple papers to hypothesize a single mechanism in cell biology is similar to identifying problems patients present with. It is also crucial to have communication skills to successfully interact with the patient and health care members. Finally, I’ve observed that there are routine medical procedures that the PA must perform or assist a physician with. Much like the daily laboratory tasks involved with research, I know that I enjoy this type of work.

A career in medicine is challenging, especially an accelerated program such as physician assistant. Success in this profession requires passion, dedication and intelligence. In the year it’s been since I’ve graduated from college the growth I’ve experienced as both a person and an academic through managing a research career, patient care experience, and classes have made me absolutely certain that this is a program in which I can absolutely excel.

Returning to a city similar to Nogales as a PA is more than something I want to accomplish, it’s something I feel absolutely compelled to bring about. I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of helplessness looking at people, in such desperate need of help and medical attention, and being able to offer them nothing. I have been fortunate enough to receive a quality education, and I am determined to use that knowledge to help people from a diverse background get the quality health care they deserve.

Overall, you’ve got a good start to your essay. You plant the seed for your interest in medicine and give the chronology of your journey to this point in a cohesive way.

I’m not convinced that comparing the role of a researcher to that of a PA trait by trait is the best use of your space. You’ve shadowed PAs — why not use some of those experiences to show the things you’ve talked about and then tie those to your skills? It will make your essay far more interesting. You’re good at writing descriptions — you showed that in your opening paragraph, so take advantage of your skills to liven up your essay.

By the way, the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, “First, working in an academic hospital has allowed me access to shadow PAs in many departments as well as attend lectures given by clinicians and researchers,” which doesn’t fit at all in light of your first sentence of that paragraph, “There are many characteristics that are similar between the roles of a researcher and a PA.”

Your first paragraph is a little too long, and there’s a grammar error right off the bat — my grandparents Cadillac” should be “my grandparent’s Cadillac.” When I talked with Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country they all said grammar errors should not happen in these essays. They’re looking for people who are careful and detailed oriented, so a small error can make a difference.

This is how I’d edit the first paragraph: It was my first time leaving the country and at 8-years old I had no idea what to expect. Nestled in the backseat of my grandparent’s Cadillac, we headed south towards the Mexican border. As we drove through the security checkpoints into the town of Nogales, I saw dirty streets lined with shanties and people of all ages begging for money. My most vivid memory from the trip was of an older man hobbling on crutches, crying out in agony from the pain of a poorly amputated leg. For the first time in my life I saw physical suffering and poverty on a level that I could never have imagined, but afterwards would never be able to forget.

Personal Statement Example 20

Several experiences have directed my decision to become a PA. Most recently was dealing with my father’s cancer diagnosis and treatment. I have three siblings and none of them believed that chemotherapy would be an inconvenience for an 82 year old to tackle. Out of the four children I was the only one compelled to step up and dedicate the time and resources to help this powerful and independent man to understand a disease that could end his life prematurely. I moved from North Carolina to Florida to help him deal with the diagnosis, the biopsy, the many chemotherapy treatments, etc. Prior to this illness, Dad had never been in a hospital except for the birth of his kids! Researching his type of blood cancer, finding a specialist to treat the lymphoma and leukemia, providing all transportation, medical document interpretation (my father is Turkish), and comprehensive home care, ultimately made me a tougher person. Years of patient interaction and treatment planning with my dental hygiene career, and dealing with self-esteem issues with individuals in the medical cosmetic industry did not prepare me to see my Dad, this unshakeable rock in my life, suffer. Looking into my dad’s eyes and reading his pain, and feeling inadequate to provide relief propelled me to research his disease further. I found a physician at the Moffet Cancer Research Hospital in Tampa, Florida who specialized in Dad’s type of leukemia. Conversing with the physician and his PA’s, challenging them with the research questions I had, resulted in better care for my dad. Dad is now in remission from both cancers and may soon be taken off all chemotherapy drugs. This experience has taught me humility and to never to give up the fight to beat a disease; to perservere and truly believe in the power of love. I briefly mentioned the self-esteem issues iI witnessed while working in plastic surgery/cosmetic medicine. This is another area that has directed my career towards seeking a PA degree. Aging is a fact of life but in todays world so many people fear it and embrace cosmetic medicine to gracefully accept the process. So many of my patients have had their life transformed by the clearing their facial conditions, like severe acne (especially my two daughters), or by electing corrective procedures. To have many of these patients personally come back to thank me, crying tears of joy to see themselves in a new and positive way; to witness them have more self confidence and go on to live life and not hid from it. These experiences are worth more to me than money.

Working three jobs as a single parent, having two daughters and balancing life is tough. Taking night classes in order to pursue my dreams is what I have chosen to do and what I have to do to get accepted into a PA program. I currently work with three PA’s in a family practice setting have shadowed them individually. They all exhibit caring and compassion towards their patients along with strong intellect to diagnosis and treatment plan. I want to be able to provide this service to my future patients. My experience in working one on one with patients in dental hygiene, in plastic surgery, and in my own skin care facility has developed skills that will serve me well as a PA.

First, it’s wonderful what you did for your dad, and to have a positive outcome makes it all worthwhile. The lengthy details, however are unnecessary, especially the negative references to your siblings. This is certainly not the place to make those kinds of comments. Nor is it the place to talk about the need to challenge doctors and PAs in order to get better care for your father — the PA profession is what you’re hoping to enter. You don’t want it to sound as if you think they don’t do good work.

The whole paragraph about the cosmetic/plastic surgery can go except for talking about how you’re glad to help people change their lives. Other than that, it doesn’t have anything to do with why you want to be a PA.

You finally start to talk about the important things in your last paragraph (which by the way, has a sentence that doesn’t make sense —”I currently work with three PA’s in a family practice setting have shadowed them individually.”), but you miss a great opportunity to describe them in action, why the role of the PA appeals to you in more detail, and the specific skills you have that will make you a great PA.

Your essay needs to be redone with the proper focus in mind. You want to convince Admissions folks that you understand the profession and tell them why you want to be a PA and why you’ll be a good one. You’ve made huge sacrifices to prepare for PA school — you have three kids, you’ve gone back to school and you work full-time. Talk about your dedication and determination, your ability to manage time and pay attention to detail. What have you learned about patient care in your dental hygiene/plastic surgery work. What makes you want to do more?

Take a look at the preview of our book on the website and read some of the other essays and comments to get a better idea of what needs to be done.

Best of luck.

Personal Statement Example 21

By: Emily Brown

On a sweltering July day, fourteen-year-old Francis walked nine miles to a rural Zambian hospital. She walked alone. I listened as Dr. Thuma, an American doctor at Macha Mission Hospital delivered the news of her progressing HIV/AIDS illness. I spent the summer of 2014 shadowing and working as a research intern under this passionate and resourceful doctor. For me, Francis put a name and face to the ugly epidemic of HIV/AIDS. Her story made the dismal statistics come to life.

Because of Francis’ dwindling CD4 count, beginning anti-retroviral treatment was a necessity. Dr. Thuma patiently explained to Francis that she needed to get started on medications as soon as possible. He would have to see her frequently in the coming weeks to monitor her progress and side effects. ART could not be given without this close supervision. She immediately turned down treatment arguing that she could not repeatedly make the long journey to the hospital.

When Dr. Thuma left the room to find a counselor, I spoke up in broken Chitonga. I asked for her name and age and replied with my own, reaching the extent of my language knowledge quickly. We smiled at each other, but I could see the fear in her eyes. Francis had seen far too much loss in her short years.

Through the Zambian counselor, Francis revealed that three months earlier her mother had died 300 feet from where we sat. A suffering HIV/AIDS patient, Francis’ mother’s body was overwhelmed by illness. Francis was an AIDS orphan. I held back tears as Francis’ story unfolded. Because of her limited resources and the lack of available HIV/AIDS care closer to her home, Francis left the hospital without treatment that day. My heart broke as she walked out of the exam room. Her CD4 count would continue to decline along with her prognosis for a long life.

I believe people everywhere should always have access to adequate medical care. Where you live should not determine whether you live. The PA profession was created to make healthcare more available in rural and underserved areas. As a PA, I would be eager to help people like Francis. I want to serve those that need medical attention, but don’t have the means to obtain it whether in rural Zambia, the inner city of Atlanta, or the backwoods of Arkansas. Widening the availability of great medical care is crucial to improving public health, a necessity across this country and the world. I want to be on the front lines of that undertaking as a physician assistant.

I met David while he received his first chemotherapy treatment. On this day, his eyes held the same brand of fear as Francis’ had in the Zambian hospital. As a person comes to grips with his serious illness, a distinct privilege is presented to the care team surrounding him. Doctors, PAs, and nurses carry enormous influence over the way their patients will cope with their illness. An optimistic care team that is attentive and thoughtful can make all the difference in the patient’s experience with illness. As a healthcare provider, I would be very careful to insure that patients felt cared for and that their needs were met. The nurses on the oncology floor inspired me with their kindness and gentle manner. I was thrilled to see David’s fear ease as he came back in the following weeks to continue his treatment.

I have spent many hours volunteering and shadowing in very different settings. The clean, modern exam rooms at a dermatology office in Arkansas and the dingy, concrete surgery rooms in Zambia have one thing in common. They are places that I hold dear. In those rooms, I learned about myself. I learned that I am not content to stand by and watch while patients are hurting. It goes against my nature to see suffering and not move to lessen it. In those rooms, I found myself biting my tongue and holding my hands behind my back because I wanted to comfort and reassure uneasy patients and their families. As a PA, those desires could be fully realized. I want to be a physician assistant to heal the hurting and serve the overlooked. I want to help patients face sickness or injury without the fear that Francis held—to watch them overcome it as David did.

Beautiful job on your essay. It’s clear you’ve spent a great deal of time on it, so I get to be picky instead of general.

You could cut quite a bit of the information about Francis — it takes over half the essay, and you’ll be able to make the same points with less information. I trust that you’ll be able to figure it out. Then you’ll have room to make your essay more PA-centric.

Name the clinic/hospital (or at least its location) where David was treated, and instead of talking about the inspiration you derived from the nurses on the oncology floor, use a PA related experience.

You’ll want to weave into your essay specifics about why you’ve chosen the PA profession.

Other than that, bravo!

Personal Statement Example 22

By: Jessica

I stepped down from the bus and right before me stood an old building with broken windows and paint peeling from the walls. “I thought we were going to a clinic,” I said in my head confusingly and sure enough, our guide led us into the tattered building. I walked through the door and saw a physician running around seeing patient with no one else to aid him. “Is there anyone else helping him?” I asked my classmate. She shrugged and she too had a puzzled look on her face. After quite some time the physician walked up to our class. I could see that his eyes yearned for sleep but he had a genuine smile on his face. He took us on a short tour of the small facility, which was the only healthcare facility for many, many miles, and he was one of the few physicians that worked there. The rooms looked as the outside did and the equipment looked out of date. During the tour, he mentioned that he had been on duty for almost 48 hours straight. I could not believe that he had been working consistently for that long and was still standing. It amazed me to see the effort and dedication he was showing to his patients and to our class. It made me realize that I wanted to help others as he was – I wanted to make an impact on someone’s life and I plan to do so by becoming a physician assistant.

The previously described scenario occurred during a summer study abroad course in Costa Rica. That was the moment I realized why I want to pursue the medical field. After that time, I obtained jobs as a medical assistant and medical scribe at multiple maternal fetal medicine offices such as the ***** and *****. During the years as a medical assistant and scribe I have been able to become acquainted with the healthcare field as well as improve my skills as a healthcare employee.

As a medical scribe I have been able to observe multiple highly trained and specialized physicians and assess their thought processes and perspectives. For example, at ***** we see high risk obstetric patients during their pregnancy. My routine is to review the patient’s chart ahead of time and assess what may need to be done that day, such as glucose gestational screens or vaccines. When the patient arrives I obtain their vitals and obtain how the patient is doing. I then relay patient’s problem list and information to the physician. Together, we assess the patient and I am informed of what additional things may need to be required such as an EKG or a referral to a specialist. During this time, I am able to learn what questions to ask the patient to better diagnose them, what information that the patient relays is relevant, and what needs to occur after the pertinent information is received. Because I currently work with four physicians I am able to get a grasp of different perspectives and approaches on patient care. In addition to seeing patients with the physicians, I also scribe the appointment reports. By scribing the reports I have been able to improve my writing skills through learning the SOAP (Subjective, Objective, Assessment, and Plan) format.

Furthermore, by working in a medical setting I have learned that I enjoy working in a team setting but can also work alone. As a medical assistant there are many tasks to be done in one day and with team work as well as individual work I am able to accomplish these tasks. While working in a team I have learned that communication is key to making the work day flow smoothly. I work one-on-one with the doctors as well as work with other medical assistants, sonographers, the administrative staff, and other OB/GYN offices.

Being a medical assistant has also brought out the compassionate personality in me. I enjoy my job and working with patients. As I see the patient throughout the pregnancy, I get to learn their background and observe the diversity between each patient. I come from a big, loving family and working as a medical assistant I treat the patient how I would like someone to treat my family member.

I enjoy working in the maternal fetal medicine specialty because it has taught me to think and act quickly in urgent situations. It also encourages me because I am not working with one life but multiply lives. However, I am only familiar with this specialty and I would like to broaden my knowledge. There are many things that I have still yet to encounter and I believe that during the physician assistant academia I will be able to get acquainted with other aspects and I will enjoy the mobility that physician assistants have.

Hi Jessica,

The opening of your essay is engaging, although it has some awkward phrasing and a few grammar errors (be scrupulous about those — the last thing you want to do it send in an essay with basic grammar mistakes). And you do a good job of detailing the skills you’ve developed and some of your qualities.

You’re missing important information, though. There’s nothing in this essay that tells Admissions folks why you’re specifically choosing the PA profession as opposed to any other profession apart from wanting to broaden your knowledge and you enjoy mobility. That’s not enough and because the essay is lacking that information, you can’t write a strong conclusion, yet.

Have you worked with PAs? Shadowed any? If so, write about those experiences to show you understand the role of a PA and why it’s right for you. You don’t need to write so many details about the exact role you play as an assistant and scribe. Your instincts are good as far as using the work you do to outline your skills, but you can still eliminate much of the detail to leave room for the things you need to write about.

To buy you space and rid the first paragraph of awkwardness and grammar issues, here’s how I’d edit it, with my standard caveat — some words are mine and are just to illustrate my point. You’d use your own words:

I stepped down from the bus and stood in front of an old building with broken windows and paint peeling from the walls. I had thought we were going to a clinic and wondered why our guide was leading us into the tattered building. As we walked through the door, I saw a physician running from one patient to another. No one aided him. As soon as he could, he stopped to give us a tour. During a tour of the run-down facility, he mentioned that he had been on duty for almost 48 hours straight. It amazed me to see the effort and dedication he was showing to his patients and to our class. It made me realize that I wanted to help others as he was and I plan to do so by becoming a physician assistant.

Scrutinize each word and cut those those are general and don’t help Admissions folks get to know you. Before submitting, have someone proof it carefully for grammar errors and awkwardness. I always have my husband edit my articles, even after more than 15 years of professional writing. It’s hard to catch our own mistakes.

I hope all this helps and wish you good luck.

Personal Statement Example 23

It started with a little boy and a hamster. During high school I worked at a local pet store. It was a typical after school/weekend job but one that allowed me to interact with animals. I was known at the store to have a gift of helping people decide what pet really best suited their wants and not just “what was cute.” One day a little boy came in convinced he wanted a hamster. I talked with him and his mom for over an hour about pro and cons of small rodent ownership and discerned that in fact a guinea pig was a better pet for the kind of interaction he wanted. The boy was so excited about his new “piggy” and was happily choosing accessories when his mom took me aside. She thanked me profusely, amazed at the level of commitment I’d given to helping this family choose a pet. She happened to work at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and gave me her card. She worked somewhere in the bowels of administration but she wanted me to contact the research department.

The follow up earned me a job working in children’s medicine research. It was a relatively simple job but a profoundly emotional one. One of my studies was testing treatment protocols for cancerous tumors. These tumors were removed from patients in the hospital, the cells injected into the mice and allowed to propagate. The hairless mice grew monstrous purple, ulcerating tumors and quickly over took most of their bodies. Many eventually struggled to move, emburdened by the weight and size of the tumors. Daily I cared for these sad creatures. I strived to make what time they had comfortable. I learned to push my discomfort and emotion aside for the needs of these hopeless tenants. Working in animal research is heartbreaking. Every day was a new step forward or two steps back, a giant leap forward only to be greeted by a giant wall of negative results. Every day that I saw those mice, I thought of the sick children mere yards from my lab, ill from the same tumors in my mice. I thought of their parents, and their siblings, their future’s, their dreams. Every day it made me want to work that much harder, and every day I grieved the failures.

During my time at Children’s hospital I was in school earning my bachelor’s degree in Clinical Laboratory Science. Science has always been a home for me. My father is a food scientist and he recruited my help at the ripe age of three. He would bring me to his lab and I would help him weigh out various compounds and seal sample bags. It was this first experiences with the lab that always made it feel a safe and friendly place to work. In high school I tutored chemistry and biology and lead an after-school science club. From here the leap to clinical laboratory science was a simple one. I was drawn to the puzzles. As a medical laboratory scientist my job is to determine which microbe is making you sick, or which antibody you’ve made after your blood transfusion or what blood chemistry is abnormal so doctors can treat you effectively. Nothing is more rewarding than finding that malarial parasite in a red blood cell under the microscope when you have a patient with cyclic fevers and a travel history. During college I worked for a veterinarian. After my time at Children’s I wanted some more patient exposure. I started out as just an assistant, handling pets for procedures and exams but even this basic job taught me the art of the patient interview. Getting an H&P isn’t always as clear cut as one would think, especially in veterinary medicine. But during my time at the vet’s office, I learned how to steer the conversation with pointed questions to get the medical information that I knew the doctor would want based on the presenting complaint. Soon after starting, I was promoted to a surgical assistant where I learned to draw blood, place catheters, intubate, monitor the patients under and after anesthesia, clean and prep the operating suite, surgical site prep and would provide traction or anything else the doctors needed. Along with the obvious learning of medical procedures, this was a job that particularly taught me how to function in a medical community. Each doctor had their own likes and dislikes. One liked the surgical area shaved wide while another’s didn’t, suture preferences, instrument preferences, the list goes on. I had to remember each preference along with my other duties to make each day successful. I have a great ability to remember facts and procedures and this enabled me to foster an acute attention to detail. Because of this I was awarded the more complex cases to assist with. I was picked to assist with surgeries on birds of prey that would come in from the Raptor rescue. I was also picked to assist with the river otters from the Newport Aquarium. I also became a specialist in the exotic pets and was charged with education of new owners to the specific needs of their new pets. I loved this part of my job the most. Being an advocate for the animal made me feel good. I knew that after they left an information session with me that they would really know how to best care for that animal. Once I graduated with my Bachelors of Clinical Laboratory Science, it was back to human medicine and back to the lab. I love being a Medical Lab Scientist but I always left that something was lacking. My favorite days were when the medical student would come down and I could teach them something under the microscope, or when I doctor would call down and ask to consult about additional testing that could prove insightful. I wanted more. I could give more.

I heard about my current job through a school acquaintance and jumped on it immediately. I work in the lab for free-standing Emergency room. While my primary duties are those in that lab, I also have been able to gain patient interactions. My veterinary experience as well as my professional laboratory experience has made me comfortable drawing blood, assisting with wound cleaning/suturing, splinting, and even assisting with codes. Obviously I am a minor player, but this has really opened me up to know that I can be more. My desire to become a Physician’s assistant became clear while working in the emergency room. I work in my community. I usually run to work, that is how close I am to home. I want to help these people. I am both fascinated by their ailments and driven to help them get better. With the advent of the heroin/opiate epidemic that is particularly devastating in my community, I have seen many young and old alike die from overdose. I want to be that first step on their way to recovery. I want to heal my community. Being a mother of three young kids has taught me to not be judgmental of where people are in their life right now. Working in emergency medicine has only solidified that philosophy. The most well behaved kid will still have tantrums, the kindest person might steal for drugs. I have learned to view the patient and their circumstances separately. Who they are right now in my emergency room at 3am is not who they might be tomorrow or who they were yesterday. But they need care now and that’s what I want to be for them.

While I haven’t always been the little girl who dreamed of being a doctor when she grew up, I have always loved helping people and the science of medicine. I believe my professional experiences have set me up to be very successful as a physician’s assistant. I have learned compassion and loss from working animal research. I have developed patient skills from working in both animal surgery and human emergency medicine. And I feel strongly that my diagnostic skills learned from my eight years as a Medical Laboratory Scientist have paved the way for me to finally be more. I can also help you find the perfect hamster.

Well, I have to say, I loved your last line — it made me laugh, so thank you for that.

Unfortunately, the essay has a number of problems, not the least of which is calling the profession “physician’s assistant.” The correct name is “physician assistant.” When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country about these essays, they all said getting the name of the profession wrong was a huge red flag that the applicant is unfamiliar with the profession.

When I read your essay, that’s what I wondered, and here’s why — there’s nothing to tell me or Admissions folks why you want to be a PA as opposed to any other healthcare provider. There’s also nothing that shows you understand the role of a PA. Have you shadowed PAs? Had one as a provider? If so, write about those experiences. Even if you haven’t had contact with PAs, you’ll need to detail why you’re interested in the profession. The one positive is you’ve outlined many of the skills and qualities you have that would make you a great PA (good job there), so that’s not an issue. But the other things are.

To really help you, I’d need to do much more editing than I do for free here. Much of your essay must be cut to give you the space to include the missing pieces. Just to give you an example of what you need to do, here’s how I’d cut in the few sentences:

It started with a little boy and a hamster. During high school I worked at a local pet store. It One day a little boy came in convinced he wanted a hamster. I talked with him and his mom for over an hour about pro and cons of small rodent ownership and discerned that a guinea pig was a better pet for the kind of interaction he wanted. His mom thanked me profusely, amazed at the level of commitment I’d given to helping this family choose a pet. She happened to work at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and gave me her card.

I hope this gives you an idea of what you need to do.

Personal Statement Example 24

By: Merna Wilson

Everyday is a blessing to be grasped wholeheartedly. It is our duty to fill that day with a confident and hopeful reason. As a young girl, I have always wanted to be somewhere in the medical field but my heart was not set on a specific occupation. Throughout high school, everyone told me that whatever I decide then was not going to be set in stone. After taking many career quizzes and teachers’ advices, I decided that it was too early for me to know what I wanted to do. I thought freshmen year of college will bring along all the maturity and thoughts needed to decide such a big decision. Therefore, I set aside all the career options that were ahead of me and decided to step into college not knowing where the future will take me. At that point, my journey towards becoming a physician assistant started.

During the course of my freshmen year, I did not have a heavy work load. Everything seemed smooth to the peek. Keeping up with my classes along with having a perfect social life was easy to maintain despite the fact that it affected my health because I used to not get enough sleep. Once freshmen year ended, everything shifted around. I decided to take summer classes at Tennessee Technological University which was two hours away from home. As I was used to during the normal semesters of my freshmen year, I drove back home to Nashville every two days to go to church, see my family, do community service, and socialize with my friends. I wish I knew that summer classes are much more compressed than the normal semester and that the classes I signed up for were not as easy as I thought. After failing my first college course, unexpectedly, I still did not learn my lesson.

As my junior year approached, the first semester went exactly like my summer. Nothing changed except that I dedicated more time to community service when I drove back to Nashville. Slowly, I lost control over all my grades and my GPA dropped much lower than I ever expected. At that point, I was not sure what happened. All I could think of was the question: Why is this happening to me? What am I missing? I realized that I did serve more during this semester but I lost track of my priorities. I lost track of who I was as a person and what my goals were. I decided that pursuing my career will make me a much more successful individual that can serve the community with a lot more than what I was doing. I took it upon myself that in the very few semester hours left until graduation, I will change things and put forth effort and dedication.

To start this compacted journey right, I made a list of the ways that would help me better myself as an individual and through which I would be capable of helping my community in a more successful manner later. I decided that being a Physician Assistant was the career for me after a long searching process.Being an autonomous scholar, and additionally a people oriented person; I feel that I am appropriate, not only for a vocation in the restorative field, however for a lifetime profession as a Physician Assistant. Aside from the fact that it is a medical field career, being a physician assistant will enable me to purse a job that lets me offer all what God gave me for the service of others in all aspects of knowledge and care. To reach that goal, I wrote a list of the classes that I didn’t do well in and re took every single one of them. I also became a certified Nurse Assistant the summer of my junior year to gain the knowledge and experience of the patient care field. I volunteered throughout the year at every free clinic that I knew about. I was focused only on studying and my CNA volunteering. Finally, I also joined the medical chemistry club at my university and showed up to every meeting that they held. I did all that I could so that the time I wasted in vain can be restored through hard work and effort. I ended up graduating college a year early and maintained a job in the healthcare field.

The goal of becoming a physician assistant has changed my life and contributed to who I am as a person right now. The change came from within me. The path I have set for myself is the only way that I will be successful and will be able to serve the underserved with the knowledge that physician assistant school will give me. The journey may not have started right when I was young, but it later shaped every step I took towards becoming a physician assistant.

I won’t try to sugarcoat this, your essay needs a lot of work.

I would avoid opening with a “platitude” instead try to find a different tactic, the entire opening paragraph needs to be rebuilt and re-worded. It fails to grab the readers attention and I found myself skimming from the start. You will want to focus on this part first, I would recommend you change direction completely.

This sentence is one example in particular: “I thought freshmen year of college will bring along all the maturity and thoughts needed to decide such a big decision.” Avoid word repetition, there is a word tense discrepancy as well.

“As my junior year approached, the first semester went exactly like my summer. Nothing changed except that I dedicated more time to community service when I drove back to Nashville”

– What type of community service were you doing? This is what the admissions committee needs to know.

When we interviewed admissions directors they all said they like to hear how you got from point A to point Z, here is a quote from the pre-release version of our book :

“The essay needs to be about the applicant. When three-quarters of an essay describes a PA’s job, we don’t learn anything about the applicant,” Landel says. “Instead fo-cus on what you’ve done that has led you to seek out the PA profession. Key in on the experiences that brought you to the fork in the road and tell us why you took the path to PA.”

“Applicants need to tell a real story about how they got to the point of applying, based upon numerous events that led to this career choice. Come up with a list of personality traits needed in healthcare work — empathy, a desire to help others,” Perrino says. “Tie events in your life to developing the attributes and traits that will make you a good PA. One sentence is often enough. For example, ‘I was an athlete and learned to work with a team.’ We like to hear about the individualized journey. You need to show me who you are and what you have to contribute. It can be as simple as developing the list of your traits into sentences.”

I think the key statement here is “One sentence is often enough.” You have described your story in detail but have gotten lost in the details and spoken in too many platitudes without giving us strong concrete examples.

“Being an autonomous scholar, and additionally a people oriented person; I feel that I am appropriate, not only for a vocation in the restorative field, however for a lifetime profession as a Physician Assistant.”

I am sorry if I am coming across sounding harsh, this is not my goal, but I can tell you have a lot of passion, drive and experience and I am not sure this essay does you justice.

Personal Statement Example 25

By: Steve Collins

One of my most vivid memories as an EMT was only after working for a few weeks. It happened while giving a report to a trauma team in MGH’s ER. The details of the call escape me, but what I do remember is just how nervous I was trying to relate the patient’s problems to 10 people staring at me. As I was struggling to pronounce medications and drawing a blank, a very calm and collected doctor proceeded to ask me questions and guide me through giving my report. What would have been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life was prevented by a young doctor. When I thanked him afterwards, “Thanks Doctor,” he told me he wasn’t a doctor, but a Physician Assistant (remove capitalization of “physician assistant” in this case) (PA) student. It wasn’t at that time that I realized I wanted to become a PA, but that moment stuck in my mind as the kind of person I wanted to be during an emergency. I wanted to be a practitioner that is calm and someone who people come to for support and guidance.

It wasn’t until I stopped working as an EMT and went back to school that I realized I wanted to work in medicine for the rest of my life. The saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” accurately describes what occurred while I was attending UMass Lowell. The decision was made to make a career of medicine (consider “I made the decision to pursue a career in medicine), but I wasn’t sure in what field I would. (You should consider reworking the entire last sentence) At the time I was studying neglected tropical diseases in a Parasitology course when it dawned on me. I wanted to work in the areas of the world that don’t receive the vaccines or treatments we do here in the U.S. I wanted to work in an area where I could make the biggest impact in someone’s life. I want to volunteer/work on the Mercy Ship. I felt that to work on the Mercy Ship and make a difference I needed to be a higher level of care than just an EMT. From researching online I realized working as a PA is greatly rewarding both at work and in life. The variety of specialties, the freedom outside of work, and to be honest, the pay, all speak to me of a quality of life we all dream of. Recalling the calmness and guidance received from that PA student years ago are what really drove home being a PA.

Being a PA would allow me to work alongside doctors treating and helping patients with a wide variety of ailments. It would allow me to travel to places where medical treatment isn’t normally available. Traveling to these places allow practitioners to treat diseases that are all but wiped out here in the United States. Working as a PA gives us the ability to help people, but also allots for a quality of life at home away from work that most people dream of.

I added a couple very quick recommendations in bold within the body of your essay in the original comment.

I like your opening, it is not overly dramatic and is a good personal account of what drove you to become a PA. This is a very good start.

It is in the body of the paragraph where you wonder a bit, so this is what is going to need the most work. There are some basic grammar and punctuation errors that need attention. A simple correction (which I highlighted in bold above) is the need to remove the capitalization of “physician assistant”. This is a common mistake I made for years (and still do) but in this instance it would be lower case.

I always wanted to do Mercy Ships as well, believe it or not, it is also one reason I pursued a career in medicine, guess what? I believe that Mercy Ship still doesn’t accept PAs. Neither does Doctors Without Borders. I haven’t checked in a couple years, but you may want to call Mercy Ship and confirm that this is even a possibility. Not that it is a huge deal, because there are many other possibilities, but you just want to show that you have done your research and have a clear path. The good news is they accept EMTs Here is a list of “qualified” medical practitioners: https://www.mercyships.org/volunteer/

Make sure to avoid platitudes such as: Being a PA would allow me to work alongside doctors treating and helping patients with a wide variety of ailments. It would allow me to travel to places where medical treatment isn’t normally available”. Use examples instead, they highlight what you have done which prove you understand the statements you made above. Take a look at this post for some more examples: https://www.thepalife.com/mistakes

I believe you are onto a great start here!

Personal Statement Example 26

By: Michelle

As a seventeen year old, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed high school graduate I was ready to take on college and begin my career. A mere two months in, I was less than thrilled with my Nutrition major, which would, according to my disgruntled professors, effectively stick me behind a desk for the rest of my life and possibly never save a life. I lost interest and searched for something else. In my second year, I joined the military. I wanted to save lives and saw becoming a combat medic as my chance. At the end of training, I was still devoid of any real experience. I was introduced to the emergency medical services, and I eagerly jumped right into paramedic school. I immediately felt at home. Early in my career, my decision was affirmed because of the call that changed it all.

I quickly sat up as the tones went off inside the truck. It was 0642 and my partner and I received a ‘Respiratory Distress’ call just 18 minutes before clocking out. The sirens blared through my foggy morning haze and as I logged in the chart information I realized this was my patient.

We arrived at a house on a steep hill; I cautiously walked in the dimly lit house, stepping over several children to get to my patient. She was young, mid-forties and sitting on a cooler, a fan in her face and grasping her chest. “I. Can’t. Breathe.” I placed the monitor on the floor, careful not to disturb the roaches, and listened to her lung sounds. “Ma’am, take a deep breath.” Crackles. Fluid everywhere. Bubbles in a milkshake. I picked up the monitor without even turning it on, turned to fire personnel, “Can you carry her out?” Her family members followed close behind and urged me to help their “baby.” They stood on the porch, waited and watched my every move. Once on the stretcher, I managed to get a blood pressure as they rolled her down the hill. “198/112, get her in the truck I’ll get the C-PAP set up.” I scrambled to get in the ambulance and rummage through the jump bag to get the right mask. I handed my partner the nitroglycerin, he sprayed while I prepared to seal the mask on her face. There’s a face these patients make, one when they don’t understand if they should trust you. I tried to calm her down, “Sweetie, it’s going to uncomfortable but it’s going to help.” She nodded. My partner held the mask while I secured it. “Get a line set up for me.” Tony opened the bag while I wiped the sweat from her arms. The electrodes barely stuck. He handed me the saline lock and I tied the constricting band. “Is it easier to breathe?” She nodded no, “Tony turn the peep up please. And I’m good to go.” He climbed out the back and no firefighters were in sight, they had all left for end of shift. Finally we were on the road, speeding through lights and past morning traffic. As I got flash from my IV I looked up and she had lost consciousness.

Time slowed down. My hands fumbled to secure her IV and I snatched the mask off, she was no longer breathing. I lowered the stretcher, felt for a pulse and began bagging her, but her pulse was already weak. I felt again and there was nothing. She coded. I began compressions but I was alone. Keep pushing. Who was going to bag her? Push faster. Algorithms raced through my mind, I yelled to my partner to call in the code, I couldn’t even reach the radio, the C-PAP was still whistling on the floor. The drugs were out of reach. I extended my hand under the stretcher and opened the non-rebreather and plugged the tubing to the portable. Pulse? Nothing, keep pushing. I held the mask on her face and pushed with my left hand. We were backing up into the bay. We’re here. Sweat dripped from my forehead and elbows and Tony swung the back doors open. I stepped on the stretcher while co-workers wheeled her in and I continued pushing. The PA took over before the doctor made it to the room. Her mothers’ face flashed in my mind. “Help my baby.” I gave report as they pushed epinephrine. I worked with closely with this PA and he saw me tired, glistening and out of breath. “She’s got a pulse.” I snapped back. I watched them intubate her and stabilize her in ways I wasn’t able to in the truck. Later that morning she was fighting her intubation tube.

That was the first patient I ever brought back. It was not my most technical call, I did not intubate or administer drugs, and she was certainly not the most difficult IV attempt but that was a pivotal day for me. Despite my military training and my experience as a paramedic, that was the day I discovered my passion. Since then, I have had smoother, more complex calls and I have thrived. The autonomy afforded to me coupled with my scope of practice allow me to treat my patients according to my differential diagnoses; an aspect that once frightened me, now draws me in. I sincerely love my job, but I want to be able to do more for my patients. It took years but I have found my path and it does not end here. I am ready for the next challenge. I am prepared to become a Physician Assistant.

Hi Michelle,

I really like your opening, you very quickly and concisely present yourself in a manner that gives you credibility and focusses on your experiences. Very well done! The story needs to be shortened and in this case I think I would limit it to one paragraph. Make your point and then move on. Elaborate on other experiences, I know you have a lot to showcase so don’t leave this out. If you can do this and wrap it up in the conclusion you will have the workings of a very well written essay!

Personal Statement Example 27

By: Grace S.

“When I realized that I wanted a career in healthcare, I knew it would be a challenging journey. I developed a jealousy for my peers who would express that they could remember the exact moment they were inspired to become a healthcare professional courtesy of some major life experience, because my inspiration did not come that plainly. It was not until halfway through my undergraduate career that I was able to clarify my decision to become a physician assistant (PA), but it is a decision that will satisfy my most innate desires to be a professional who cares for others, practices critical thinking, is part of a team, and is able to maintain a full family life.

Growing up in a rural elementary school, I thought that I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. Why would I not want to be a teacher? I excelled academically at an early age, and my teachers gave me dutiful recognition. I was excited to hear my name called to walk to the front of the gym full of parents and students to receive paper certificates. My teachers were my friends, encouragers, and exalters. I knew that I wanted to make people feel the way they made me feel– cared for, loved, and admired.

My aspiration to become an educator lasted into my high school years. However, when I began taking core science courses, I found that my mind did not just thrive, it thirsted for the systematic, challenging puzzles that explain the natural phenomenon required for life on Earth. My senior year of high school, I took an advanced chemistry course and enjoyed it so much that I left for college in pursuit of a career in pharmacy.

After a few semesters of college chemistry lab work, I decided that working behind the counter in a pharmacy or a research laboratory would not satisfy my need for human connection and I longed for biological application of the concepts I studied in chemistry. I became a pre-med student of biology and fell more in love with every additional instance of understanding how dependent all the basic concepts of science are and how all the courses I had taken finally melded together to create the larger scheme of the human body, its systems, and humans’ role in sustaining the Earth.

Around the same time my interest in the physical sciences was realized, my father’s battle with chronic back pain also peaked. Before I was even alive, he had collapsed two lumbar discs training with the Air Force, but was able to continue his service and also became a patrol officer in Charlotte, NC. By the time I finished high school, however, he had experienced several re-injuries and surgeries and had to find a job that would depend less on his body and more on his brain. Our family found ourselves in Kansas, where my father began a government job and I began my undergraduate career. Here, my father was able to control his increasing pain through a regimen prescribed by a pain management specialist. Part of that regimen was regular exercise, which he did by running. I took on his running routine as well as a way to manage the stress of college and work. In this way, our relationship was strengthened in a way it was not able to as I was growing up and he was pursuing his own undergraduate degree, working to support our family, and serving deployments overseas. We even ran our first road race together on Independence Day 2011.

When my father’s government job was removed from the budget 2 years later, my family was once again faced with relocation across several states, this time to Maryland. As a 19 year old with no roots in Kansas, I moved with my family. Through the process of moving, I learned several lessons about adapting the 5-year plan I had envisioned when I graduated high school. I endured a year of online community college courses while I acquired in-state residency, worked in food service, and jumped through the hoops required to transfer colleges. I learned lessons in flexibility and perseverance. I also soon learned about the differences in state health care systems. As it turned out, the regulation of pain management drugs, which my father was accustomed to being prescribed, were much more tightly regulated in Maryland. It took months for his new pain management physician to trust him and his magnitude of pain, and even then he could not be prescribed the amount of pain medication it takes to lower his pain to a level which is enjoyable to live in or even function. My father was no longer able to bear running and began living around his medication schedule– his quality of life dropped significantly. I know that there has to be a better solution to the management of pain like what my father and others experience everyday, and I want to be a part of that it. I can do this through the study of medicine, both preventative and therapeutic. I pains me every time I stop to think about the amount of pain my father lives in and how it controls his life, and this is the fuel I use to push myself when learning challenging concepts and struggling to study.

At the same time my father’s condition was deteriorating, I started working as a medical scribe in the emergency department (ED) at Baltimore Washington Medical Center (BWMC). This job forced me to expand my knowledge of medical terminology before I could start in the ED and afforded me the opportunity of learning even more terminology as I was exposed to a range of medical encounters in the ED. This job also gave me a solid understanding of the human resource system of care in hospitals and is where I was able to clarify my desire to become a PA instead of pursuing medical school. Through discussion with the doctors and PAs that I scribed for, I learned about the adaptability of the PA profession which will help me to fulfill the national demand for primary care, but will also allow me to specialize in pain management or another specialty that may inspire me. When speaking with the female PAs and physicians, I also learned that as a PA it is more plausible to build an enjoyable, family-centered life and have a dedicated career in medicine where I can help others live healthier, more fulfilling lives with their own families.

My work as an EMT since graduating college has bolstered my desire to be a PA. I have had the opportunity to treat and transport a variety of patients which brings me great joy. The suspense that builds as I approach each call excites me as I get to apply the basic medical knowledge I have to help a person in need of not only medical attention, but also emotional reassurance.

I believe that being a PA will allow all my characteristics of compassion and adaptability to excel and will fulfill my desire for critical thinking. The PA profession will also bestow me the luxury of thriving with a professional life and a family life, both which will benefit from my passion to care for others, making the part of their life which I will be privileged to be a part of the best that it can possibly be.”

Your essay starts off strong, but you begin to lose steam when you start talking about your father. I’m very sorry to hear about his struggles, and a brief mention is fine because it’s one of the motivations you have There’s far too much detail there, and it needs to be cut. Not only because it bogs down your essay — you’re at 6900 plus characters and spaces — almost 2000 over the CASPA limit. Those paragraphs need a lot of editing. In fact, I’d eliminate the entire entire fifth paragraph (you’ll weave in the information in first line in the next paragraph).

Here’s how I’d edit the next paragraph (with a caveat — some of the words are mine, which are just to illustrate my points. You’d use your own words):

When I was 19, my father’s government job relocated to Maryland. As a 19-year old with no roots in Kansas where we were living, I moved with my family. Through the process of moving, I learned several lessons about adapting the five-year plan I had envisioned when I graduated high school. I endured a year of online community college courses while I acquired in-state residency, worked in food service, and jumped through the hoops required to transfer colleges. From these experiences, I learned lessons in flexibility and perseverance.

I also soon learned about the differences in state health care systems. It was highlighted when my father dealt with managing his chronic back pain. It took months for his new pain management physician to trust him, and his quality of life suffered. I know there has to be a better solution to the management of pain like what my father and others experience everyday, and I want to be a part of that it. I can do this through the study of medicine and as a PA, both with prevention and by therapeutic means. This is the fuel I use to push myself when learning challenging concepts and struggling to study.

Do the same with your the rest of your essay and you’ll be in good shape.

Personal Statement Example 28

I had always viewed death as abysmal and impending; believing it was disrespectful to continue living as though they had never existed.

I watched in awe as a woman was wheeled into the trauma bay, she had been found unresponsive and eight months pregnant. Able to watch from behind the glass, I was amazed at the calm and fluidity in the room as they assessed the woman while attempting to revive her. The team worked tirelessly to no avail; it was evident the woman was not coming back. They now had to deliver the unborn child before it too was lost. With the pediatric trauma team not yet arrived, they had to act. Without hesitation, the physician assistant (PA) began to perform an emergency C-section. I later learned that the PA had spent six years prior working in Obstetrics. The pediatric team flew in soon thereafter and, with precision, was able to take over. The baby was delivered, revived, and rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

When my cousin, whom was like my sister, died I began to follow my creed and stopped living myself. Through my grief, my grades plummeted, twice. I witnessed and felt the passion, compassion, and determination that day. More than that, I learned an important lesson about death. The team showed me what a support network during struggle could do. That wonderful woman taught me that giving up cannot be an option. My shortcomings became my motivation; experiences my perception; and pain my appreciation.

A tough job indeed, but you manage to cover quite a bit of territory. It’s a bit disjointed and awkward, and you have some grammar errors. Here’s what I suggest (keep in mind that I used a couple of my own words — you’ll use words your words:

I watched in awe as a woman was wheeled into the trauma bay, she had been found unresponsive and eight months pregnant. Able to watch from behind the glass, I was amazed at the calm and fluidity in the room as the team assessed the woman while attempting to revive her. They worked tirelessly to no avail; it was evident the woman was not coming back. Now had to deliver the unborn child before it too was lost. Without hesitation, the physician assistant began an emergency C-section. I later learned that he had spent six years prior working in Obstetrics. The pediatric team flew in soon thereafter and with took over. The baby was delivered, revived, and rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

I had always viewed death as abysmal and impending; believing it was disrespectful to continue living as though the dead never existed. When my cousin, who was like my sister, died, I began to follow my creed and stopped living myself. Grieving, my grades plummeted, twice. That day in the trauma bay, I witnessed and felt the passion, compassion, and determination. More than that, I learned an important lesson about death. The team showed me what a support network during struggle could do, that giving up cannot be an option. My shortcomings became my motivation; my experience brought changed perception and appreciation for life and a desire to (here add something that fits for you that’s PA/healthcare related. You’ll have the words to do it).

Personal Statement Example 29

Sometimes one goes through life without expecting to make a difference in another person’s life. My inspiration of becoming a physician assistant dates back to one summer when my aunt and baby cousin decided to visit my family from Florida. At that time, I was about 16 years of age living in *. A couple days after resting, my cousin who was a year and three-months old, began to feel sick and started coughing. Since this was no surprise to my aunt, we continued enjoying our time together. Around three o’clock AM two days later, my aunt was waking my cousin up to administer the cough medicine. At this point, she was taken by surprise of the baby’s temperature. After checking his temperature, she found it to be 104.5 F. She had no idea what to do at that point so she rushed to the room where my mother and I slept and started banging on the door. Since I am a light sleeper, I heard my aunt yelling for help and suddenly jumped out of bed. As I opened the door, I saw tears sliding down her cheeks and she was crying asking me to get help. I asked what happened as we both ran to my cousins’ room and she said his temperature was very high and was not sure if he would make it. She also mentioned that clinics and hospitals would take too long since all doctors’offices were closed at the moment. I remember feeling anxious as the pressure around me was building up. By the time my mother woke up, I rushed myself to the bathroom yelling to bring my cousin in there. Thinking that cold water would be our only solution, I filled up the tub quickly while undressing my baby cousin. After that, I soaked his entire body into the cold water as he cried and shivered into my hands. I had no choice except leaving him submerged in the water for a couple minutes. As I felt his body temperature reaching equilibrium, I softly picked him up and placed him into a dry towel. I noticed I had an audience and that my baby cousin was no longer crying. My aunt at this point was redressing him with a smile on her face while thanking me. By that time, everyone began to relax and went back to bed. The next morning we visited the doctor and told him about the incident. He responded by saying, “There could not have been any other solution. You saved the child’s life.” When I heard this news, I felt accomplished and overwhelmed for saving my baby cousin’s life. My aunt was filled with so much joy after hearing this that she started tearing. After a fulfilling experience of saving my cousin life, I feel I have become very driven and passionate about serving others in a medical perspective. I was able to turn a mortifying event such as this one into an inspiration and realized that it was a calling to bes in the healthcare. Indirectly developing patient care experience as a teenager impacted my mental outlook on medicine and my personal interest in that field.

I had gone through high school knowing that I wanted to dedicate my life to medicine. My GPA of 3.65 was very consistent all throughout my four years of high school, which had given me hope for achieving my goal to work in the health care. I was unfamiliar with what careers choices I had, but I knew I wanted to take part of caring for ill patients. Coming from a first generation family to complete high school and be interested in college was highly unusual. Both my parents did not have the opportunity to attend college, leaving them with only a high school diploma. This did not stop me from being determined to persevere and shape my future. However, there was the burden of dealing with the unfamiliarity of planning for college and the many career degrees. Also being the oldest child, I found it more challenging to understand and research about the college process and requirements compared to my average peers who come from a family of doctors and engineers. I had to make an extra effort to understand how to become an acceptable college student. With the help of my high school counselors and college advisors, I was able to expand my options towards my future career and become more familiar with the college procedures. I am proud to be a part of a country that gives you hope to become someone, and create something out of oneself regardless of circumstances or family history.

Meanwhile, as soon as I received the opportunity to step foot in a hospital as an information desk volunteer at *, I took that chance. Even though I had not yet expanded my experiences in the medical field, this helped me gain clarification towards my overall vision. Surprisingly, I became comfortable in that environment. While greeting and guiding individuals for five hours a day may sounds bland and tedious, it was about the interactions and trust formed between the visitors and I. From that day on, I began to learn about myself and how I relish helping individuals who are too sick to care for themselves. I then protracted my ability to spend time with children who didn’t have someone to look after and became a child life volunteer. This was by far the most heart felting position due to experiencing such neglect for infants and young children. The hardest part was seeing these children who came from broken homes ache in pain knowing that their family is not around to care. These children and infants either have parents who were busy at work or were simply neglecting them. I had the opportunity to spend time playing games, watching cartoons and retracting their attention from being sick by giving them my full undivided attention.

At the age of eighteen, I was grateful enough to begin working as an employee in the transport department. Even though it was a beginning position, I really enjoyed the connection I was creating with each patient as we were in route. It was not about transporting patients, but rather making each patient feel at ease while on their way to discovering a potential disease or disorder that they do not want to hear. I felt it was my job to take their mind off of how saddening the results could be by building a comfortable relationship, as it is integral to the process of healing. It had never occurred to me that I do make a difference in each patient’s life by doing my job. A simple action of transporting a patient has a powerful healing effect temporarily transforming ill patients into a vibrant healthy state. Patients always come in hospitals not aware what will take place or what results they will encounter. Many of the times, it is the same patients who are constantly being admitted to the hospital. As a result, I had made it a goal of mine to individually make a difference in as many lives as possible by being a positive advocate. Even though, not every patient comes in with a positive state of mind, staying fervent and exposing compassion towards them is one way patients feel cared for.

Upon entering college, I had placed myself on the pre-medical track without being familiar with the career choices available to me. However, I had in mind that patient centered care was my main interest. As I continued my education at *, I quickly learned about potential career options. Drawing near the end of my junior year of college, I encountered a Physician Assistant at a medical office that my mother had been visiting. I had the chance to speak with a current employed PA about their role and became more familiar. The idea of collaborating with a physician as partners to provide excellent patient care inadvertently sparked my interest to discover more about this career. Even though the undergrad degree for becoming a physician slightly differs from a physician assistant, I was fortunate enough to complete my undergrad degree using the same classes. Once I had graduated, I accepted a position in the same hospital as a medical imaging assistant in MRI. This position was different than transporting because it is more personal attention towards each patient. I am more involved with patients and their purpose for being in the hospital. The main focus of my position is to physically and mentally prepare the patient and make them as comfortable as possible to be scanned for an MRI. This includes many factors from reviewing patient history to reason for visit. After being involved in this position, I noticed I am learning more and more about the steps health care workers must proceed with to provide the best care for patients. Through this position, I realized that patients’ needs must come first. Many patients struggle with receiving an MRI test and require some type of sedation such as Ativan, Valium, Propofol or even anesthesia due to claustrophobia. I also have seen and assisted with many procedures and protocols such as anesthesia cases, lumbar punctures and prepare each patient for their scan by verbally and physically screening them. The interactions I encountered will be a beneficial tool as a future physician assistant due to the high amount of profound insight I gained.

After spending many years working for * and considering all my options, I solidified my decision to becoming a Physician Assistant in the Emergency room. Since the emergency room is overwhelming and a fasted paced setting, any health care provider can be capable of handling it with the right type of attitude and compassion. Meanwhile, during my shadowing experience with* who is a PA in the emergency room at *, I observed him from his initial encounters with each patient to the diagnosis of their condition. Light procedures were also performed during my shadowing experience such as varies stitching, and rectal exams. * allowed me to reach out to him as he showed me his daily routine of obtaining medical history of the patient, performing physical examination, and discussing reason for visit with the patient as he analyzes the condition. He then orders varies necessary laboratory analysis and tests to help bring the PA and the supervising physician to a conclusion in forming a differential diagnosis. As a medical provider, I believe it is necessary to also educate the patient about their services and how they relate to their diagnosis. PA * became a paradigm to me, as I was impressed with his combination of the compassionate towards his patients, medical knowledge expertise and participation in educating each patient about their condition. As a result of my participation with *, I became fascinated with that position. Everything about the setting, I enjoyed dearly and felt capable of working and making a difference in. The emergency room is very different than the rest of the hospital due to the multiple different cases taking place at once. This calls for potential chaos but I enjoy being able to treat critical patients who come in with a variety of illnesses.

Therefore, the combination of my own personal family experience, working in a hospital for multiple years and shadowing a physician assistant have served to corroborate and enhance my interest to becoming an emergency room Physician Assistant. While I know that the PA program has become very competitive over the last couple years, I am ready to prove to myself that I am capable of conquering that challenge. I am confident I have the ability and perseverance to be successful as I achieve my goal and nothing can detain me from it. I have always been the type of person who overcomes any obstacle I come across to achieve success. I know I will be an outstanding PA as I always have been a continuing learner with compassion and ambition towards the growth of medicine. My ambition is to use my medical understanding and knowledge skills to eventually serve a less fortune population abroad. It has always been a dream of mine to travel to third world countries such as Africa or South America and provide free medical treatment where it is truly needed. Lacking not only food, shelter and clothing but most importantly the medical attention, these struggling groups do not deserve to live this way while Americans are taking advantage of the healthcare system. Therefore, when referring to a health care provider, they should encompass much more than being intelligent; rather exposing a genuine drive towards another persons’ life and being able to courageously face the uncertainty of medicine. Altering our focus of patient care does not only depend on the culture and social factors but providers must also alter their emotional and psychological approach towards point of care. As a result, I want to make the change throughout the healthcare system by displaying a provider who is devoted and compassionate about the health concerns of others.

Normally, I would offer editing suggestions to show how things could be done better, but your essay is at 12,573 characters and spaces, so far over the CASPA 5000 limit that essentially it all needs to be rewritten. You could start by making the first paragraph just a few sentences long. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country, all said they care less about the details of personal experiences (especially those that occurred at a young age) and more about adult experiences, healthcare related if possible.

Here’s the edited first paragraph:

My inspiration for becoming a physician assistant dates back to the summer I was 16, and my aunt and baby cousin were visiting. Three days after their arrival, at 3 AM, my aunt woke us. The baby had a temperature of 104.5 F and she had no idea what to do. Thinking that cold water was the solution, I soaked him in a tub until he cooled. When a doctor examined him later, he said, “You saved the child’s life.” At that point, I decided that healthcare was my calling.”

You’ll have to make some big decisions for the rest of your essay!

Personal Statement Example 30

By: Kimberly

“Is there any reason you need to stay in the hospital?”

“I’m hurting.”

“That is not a reason. I’m discharging you this morning. I will see you in one week.” By the time I replied with “What?” the surgeon was gone.

It had only been a little over 34 hours since he had first opened up my abdomen to reverse a nissen fundoplication and then performed a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery on me. I had yet to see the incision due to the dressings and abdominal binder, but I knew it was nine inches long and contained a lot of staples. I also knew that moving of any kind was extremely painful and the narcotics only eased the pain slightly. And yet the surgeon had me get up every three hours to walk the nursing unit no matter the time of day. So when he wanted to discharge me from the hospital so soon post-surgery, and without my pain managed adequately, I was shocked.

The shock I had at that moment was due to the surgeon’s abruptness and lack of bedside manner. I was used to his straightforwardness during the quick 5-minute pre-operative appointments. He was a busy doctor. I understood that. But when people are in such a vulnerable state as they are post-surgery, their medical providers need to have compassion and empathy for them. Otherwise, what is the point of working in health care? Money isn’t everything: Helping people is.

As a child, I was taught to treat others as I would like to be treated. No matter how or when it’s learned, caring for the human condition is the basic requirement for any health care worker. If I hurt, I would hope my provider has enough compassion to alleviate it. If I fail, I would hope my provider has enough empathy and patience to listen and understand how I feel.

Although I’m not allowed to do much in my current role as a rehab aide, the patient care I do provide shows my compassion for others. Refilling a cup of water for a thirsty patient, covering a cold patient with warmed blankets, or taking the time to sit and listen to a lonely patient — it’s those little things that show I care. Occasionally, there are times when I help a patient relax during a stressful test or procedure by focusing on their pursed-lip breathing (“smell the flowers, blow out the candles”). Those days tend to be my favorite at the hospital, knowing that my assistance mattered.

Besides showing compassion to the patients at the hospital, I am also empathic and patient. I understand how difficult life can seem when ailing physically and/or emotionally because I’ve been there, too. I’ve also watched friends and family struggle with diagnoses like diabetes or heart disease. Some have worked hard to manage or overcome their illnesses while others have given up slowly and died. I tend to understand and get along with the most disagreeable patients, especially the grumpy old men as they remind me of my grandfathers. In the past, I have had family members, nurses, or the patients themselves compliment me on my patience.

Although working as a rehab aide these past 10 years has been both rewarding and tough, it isn’t where I want to stay professionally. I want to do more in the health care industry and be challenged on a daily basis. My original plan was to finish my masters of science degree then become a clinical exercise physiologist. As I was finishing my thesis, the economy tanked and I had to change my plan because finding work in that profession became more difficult. I understood and accepted that I had to return to school in order to fulfill this new goal. I had just finished being a graduate student and knew that I could do it again. It was at that time I had to choose my new path.

I needed to choose a career that would use my past education as well as complement my character and personality. The master’s degree I previously earned had given me a foundation. It would be a shame to start from scratch and not build upon that foundation into a different career in health care. I also needed to find a career that wasn’t so specific and would allow me to see patients of a more general nature. I want to be part of a team and have the option to ask questions if needed. I also want a career where I am able to spend more time with my patients educating and answering their health questions. Doctors are incredibly busy and at times unapproachable. I want my patients to feel at ease talking to me and not feel rushed. Becoming a nurse practitioner is not an option because I do not have a background in nursing. After spending time researching my options, I decided that becoming a physician assistant would best fit my career goals as well as complement my personality.

This is my new plan. Once I finish school, I will pass the PANCE on the first try. As a physician assistant, I will use my compassion, empathy and patience to build positive relationships and allow my patients to feel comfortable discussing their health issues with me. I have been a graduate student before and succeeded. I will do it again.

Hi Kimberly,

Yikes, what a horrible experience with the surgeon. It’s a good opening, but you could eliminate these sentences: “I had yet to see the incision due to the dressings and abdominal binder, but I knew it was nine inches long and contained a lot of staples. I also knew that moving of any kind was extremely painful and the narcotics only eased the pain slightly. And yet the surgeon had me get up every three hours to walk the nursing unit no matter the time of day.” You don’t need them.

The biggest problem is the writing about how you decided to become a PA. It’s all framed in the negative — the economy tanked so you couldn’t pursue your first choice, you can’t be a nurse practitioner because you don’t have a background in nursing, “it would be a shame to start from scratch and not build upon that foundation into a different career in health care.”

It sounds as if pursuing a career as a PA is last resort, not a first choice, which is definitely not going to convince Admissions folks this is really what you want to do. Concluding the essay with “This is my new plan. Once I finish school, I will pass the PANCE on the first try” is not strong, interesting or persuasive.

You’ll need to rewrite your essay from a positive point of view.

Personal Statement Example 31

Now it is time to submit yours!

I hope these sample essays have given you something in the form of comparison. Creating memorable content that will wow the admissions committed is difficult for sure, but not impossible. Take your time formulating a plan and organizing your thoughts. Make a list of what is important to you, use this to create an outline and topics for your paragraphs.

If you would like some help consider submitting your essay through our personal statement and essay collaborative  or in the comments section.

We are here to help!

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View all posts in this series

• How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
• The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
• Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
• 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
• PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
• Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
• 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
• 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
• How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
• How to Write “Physician Assistant” The Definitive PA Grammar Guide
• 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
• 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
• 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement
• The #1 Mistake PRE-PAs Make on Their Personal Statement
• The Ultimate PA School Personal Statement Starter Kit
• The Ultimate Guide to CASPA Character and Space Limits
• 10 Questions Every PA School Personal Statement Must Answer
• 5 PA School Essays That Got These Pre-PAs Accepted Into PA School
• 7 Questions to Ask Yourself While Writing Your PA School Personal Statement
• 101 PA School Applicants Answer: What’s Your Greatest Strength?
• 12 Secrets to Writing an Irresistible PA School Personal Statement
• 7 Rules You Must Follow While Writing Your PA School Essay
• You Have 625 Words and 2.5 Minutes to Get Into PA School: Use Them Wisely
• What’s Your #1 Personal Statement Struggle?
• 31 (NEW) CASPA PA School Personal Statement Examples
• How to Prepare for Your PA School Interview Day Essay
• Should You Write Physician Associate or Physician Assistant on Your PA School Essay?
• Meet the World’s Sexiest PA School Applicants
• PA School Reapplicants: How to Rewrite Your PA School Essay for Guaranteed Success
• How to Write a Personal Statement Intro that Readers Want to Read
• PA School Reapplicant Personal Statement Checklist
• How to Deal with Bad News in Your Personal Statement
• Inside Out: How to use Pixar’s Rules of Storytelling to Improve your PA Personal Statement
• Ratatouille: A Pixar Recipe for PA School Personal Statement Success
• Personal Statement Panel Review (Replay)
• Mind Mapping: A Tool for Personal Statements, Supplemental Essays, and Interviews
• Start at the End: Advice for your PA School Personal Statement
• Elevate Your Personal Statement: Using Bloom’s Taxonomy for Impactful Writing

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• Start: Advice on how to get you through the hardest step: the beginning
• Guidelines: An efficient "paragraph by paragraph" guide to your final draft
• Top Tips: Everything you need to remember as you write your personal statement

Start Your Personal Statement

This is a set of helpful points which have been assembled from personal experience and a variety of professional sources. Feel free to follow anything that you might find useful and disregard what doesn't apply to you.

First of all, take a look at UCAS's site and familiarise yourself with the contents of the application form. Once you have explored the website, you will be ready to start writing your personal statement.

If you happen to find it difficult to begin, note down a list of facts that you would like the assessor to know about you and how these would help you be a better student on your course.

• Want to study Geology. Have built up a personal mineral collection.
• Considering a career in Engineering. Started the Engineering club at school and organised talks.
• Volunteering with kids. Was a leader and had to be organised.
• Work experience at Law firm. Gained invaluable experience and learned the structure of a working environment.
• Play in a band. Time-management and organising practice sessions.

At this point you should attempt to put together a rough first draft of your personal statement. Try to write using our Guidelines to help you. If you are still experiencing problems or "writer's block", you could just start writing, even if your first sentence may not sound very impressive. For instance, start this way: My name is George and I was born in London.

Obviously, this is not a great way to start your personal statement but at least it will mean that you won't be stuck on the first line, and you can get on to the more content-rich sections that we have suggested you include in the Guidelines .

We recommend that you draft your entire personal statement and then return to the beginning to modify and perfect it.

Your beginning should immediately capture the attention of the reader and be different from any other personal statement. The admissions officer has hundreds of personal statements to read through and he or she will pay less attention to those that sound weak, boring or repetitive.

Take a moment to look at our Personal Statement Examples as they will give you some good clues in terms of structure and ideas. Don' t forget to check out our Top Tips page before writing your first draft!

First Paragraph:

How was your interest in the course you are applying for stimulated and what truly motivates you to study this subject for three or four years at university?

Think about whether it was a book that you read, a life-experience that you had, or some other event that made you realise what you wanted to read at university. You could also mention that the course ties in with your future career path or ambitions.

By reading our Start page you will learn that it is vital that you capture the reader's attention right from the first sentence.

A strong start is often what makes a good personal statement stand out.

Second Paragraph:

Inform the reader about your existing knowledge of the subject you will be reading at university. If your course is highly specific, don't hesitate to explore areas which are related to and tie in with the course or one of the modules you will be studying. Remember to research your course fully to make sure that you express an interest in a module that is actually taught.

You should be able to return to the source of your information and refer to where it originated from: at school, in newspapers, from listening to the radio or watching TV programmes…

However, it is always better to demonstrate the depth of your interest by going into the specifics around a certain subject from a particular source rather than expressing a more general interest.

For instance: I enjoyed learning about and exploring the potential consequences of the Scottish independence referendum in a news article from the "Independent". This heightened my enthusiasm for national politics.

Third Paragraph:

Give details about your independent reading around the subject you will be studying, or how you have enquired further into a specific topic at school. Try to extend your reading list to university-level books and attempt to analyse what you have read as an undergraduate would. This will make you a much more knowledgeable and eligible candidate.

Explicitly mention an average of two texts (and their authors) which you have read and state what you have learned from them. Express how these have made you a better candidate for the university course you are applying for. How have you benefited from this wider reading and how does it distinguish you from others?

Again be as specific as possible about a topic or a passage in the book as this will impress the reader a lot more than giving a more general impression of knowledge. If you are writing in your personal statement about a book that you are planning on reading, set a reminder on your phone so you don't forget to do so in case you are called in for an interview. Otherwise indicate that you only read a chapter or passage of that book in your personal statement.

Fourth Paragraph:

This paragraph should be dedicated to mentioning anything that you believe is representative of your life outside of school and your studies. E.g.: hobbies, extra-curricular activities, school trips, activities, work experience, internships…

However, anything that you mention should be related back to your course and how this makes you a better candidate through the transferable skills that you have gained. E.g.: Time-management skills, organisational skills, communication skills, leadership skills, critical thinking…

This is your chance to express yourself as an individual and show that you are not a machine! You have outside interests and can manage your time well so be sure to represent yourself as a well-rounded individual.

If you have had some work experience or internships, mention them as well. You may want to make a separate paragraph but make sure you specify what you have learned from each of them.

Fifth Paragraph:

After reading this last paragraph, the assessor will be left with a final impression of you. Therefore, make it count. This paragraph is the one where you should say why (subtly) the university and course is made for you and what you will bring to them. It may help you to look at the university course websites in order to fit this final paragraph to the actual course you are interested in. Again take a look at our Personal Statement Examples for ideas if you are really stuck, but do not try to lift sentences or phrases, since the assessors use anti-plagiarism software and will detect any "cut and paste" behaviour. And remember, the important thing is to be original and different!

When writing your personal statement keep these Tips in the back of your mind so that you can write the most comprehensible and reader-friendly personal statement.

Use our Guidelines to structure your personal statement.

Read through all of these points as they will give you a good idea of what to remember while you're writing. They will also provide a better structure and wording to your work.

Spelling and wording:

• Try not to make any spelling or grammatical mistakes. This will cause the reader's interest to waver immediately as he will think that you were not serious enough about your personal statement to check through it. Use a spell check programme and ask someone you trust to thoroughly proof-read your statement.
• Make sure that your punctuation and paragraphing is perfect. This will help your structure and make the personal statement easier to read for the assessor.
• Numbers under 10 should be written out fully in letters.
• Never contract your words: use "I have not" rather than "I haven't". This is more professional and reads better.
• Do not make your sentences too long. A long sentence can be confusing to the reader or make them lose interest.
• Keep your paragraphs short.
• Anything that you have done and any skill that you have obtained through work experience or activities that can be directly related back to your course and what you will be studying.
• Do not repeat yourself. Repeating yourself is one of the most common errors in a personal statement. Unless you are doing so for emphasis, avoid mentioning the same things twice. For instance, two different activities both giving you invaluable team-working skills could either be placed in the same sentence or you could try finding a different skill to associate with one of these activities.
• Everything that you say should have an aim/an objective/a goal and explain why you are perfectly suited for the course. The aim is to make yourself look like the ideal candidate, so display yourself in a positive light. Remember to relate everything back to your course and how your activity will make you be a better student for the course.
• Never assume the assessor knows something or can infer something that you have not clearly stated (e.g. I did x,y,z activities so I have good time management skills which will allow me to be a very organised and self-disciplined student at university). The second part of this example is vital.
• Research your course. Simple enough, but if you veer off subject and say you are interested in something that is not included in the course, the university will be unsure about your interest in their course.
• Anything not directly related to your course should be kept within a single paragraph. If you can't link something to your course, then you should keep it as succinct as possible.

Proof Reading and Correcting:

• Proof read your personal statement by a few different people you trust and respect in order to reduce the chance of making a mistake. Mistakes immediately cause skepticism in the reader's eye.
• Ask your reviewers to imagine that they do not know you, and are forming an impression based solely on the personal statement. This will test the impact of your document.
• Only seek the advice of an average of three people. This will mean your personal statement is kept confidential. Some people believe it can be beneficial to get it read by as many people as possible in order to reduce mistakes and gather ideas. However, be wary of receiving too much input as this can destroy the original flow of your personal statement and make the document sound like a group project!
• Make sure you do not exceed the line and character limits that have been set by UCAS. Otherwise, parts of your final paragraph may be erased automatically, which would be a shame. (these are 47 and 4000 respectively)
• Don't be cheesy! Originality is what everyone should be aiming for.

Please note UCAS will detect any form of plagiarism. PSE and its contributors do not take any responsibility for the way in which personal statements are used.

PERSONAL STATEMENT RESOURCES

THE PERSONAL STATEMENT

Learn how to write your personal statement for the Common Application using our pay-what-you-can comprehensive online courses, blog posts, podcast episodes, and more.

Online Courses and guides:

The Free Guide to Writing the Personal Statement

Kick things off with the two greatest brainstorming exercises ever, learn about options for structuring a personal statement + example outlines, check out some amazing example personal statements, and get on your way to writing your own killer personal statement for university applications.

How to Write a personal statement

A comprehensive video course for students.

A seven-part online course designed to gives students and counselors everything they need to figure out (or help someone else figure out) how to write a personal statement for the Common App. Watch the Q&A sessions after each session where I answer important questions about the personal statement-writing process and give feedback on essays to real high school seniors and junior like you. (Pay-What-You-Can spots available - see page for more details)

Resources From the CEG blog:

100 Brave and interesting questions

100 deep questions to ask yourself, your writing partner, or anyone really. What’s the toughest decision you made today? What’s the toughest decision you made this year? What’s the toughest decision you ever made? What have you forgotten? And 96 more...

4 Qualities of an Amazing College Essay

I wasn't expecting that. I couldn't believe the ending. I feel like this person is just like me.   This article offers four clear elements of an amazing personal statement for college by showing how two real sample personal statements express them.

The Great College Essay Test

Here’s my test for what makes a (not good, but) great college essay. Learn the four components that I look for in each and every college essay and how to add them to your own.

35+ Best College Essay Tips from College Application Experts

We reached out to some of my favorite college admissions experts—some current and former admissions officers—and asked one question: WHAT’S your favorite piece of advice about writing a college essay?

How To Start a College Essay: 9 Surefire Techniques

In anything you do, there’s a very special and pivotal moment when you Do The Darn Thing (DTDT for short). It’s when you get off the couch, stop binging Netflix, and take action.

How to Make Your Personal Statement Introduction Attention-Grabbing

Personal statements that start with intrigue are about a million times more likely to get read.

How to End a College Essay

Providing insight into your thesis by answering “Why is my thesis important?” can be the difference between a so-so essay and a "yay" essay. After years of hearing my students ask, “How do I do that?” I came up with four ways to write a strong college essay conclusion.

How To Write About Yourself: Great Tips For Personal Writing That Won't Sound Awkward

To help you hone your writing chops and prepare for your personal essay, here are four of the best ways to learn how to write about yourself.

How To Sound Smart In Your Personal Statement

Discover 3 ways to sound intelligent in your personal statement (even though that shouldn’t be your primary focus!).

How to Brag in Your College Essay (Without Sounding Annoying)

A personal statement is all about you. So how do you write about your accomplishments without sounding like you’re bragging? Spoiler: it’s all about the values.

How to Add More Vulnerability To Your Personal Statement

Vulnerability is at the heart of what I do. And it’s at the heart of a great college essay. What is vulnerability, and how do you use it to tell a great story?

Should I Come Out in My Personal Statement? (And If So, How)?

Broaching a sensitive topic in your college essay requires finesse. I’ve consulted dozens of experts to find out the best way to come out in your college essay (spoiler: there are many ways).

Sample Essays

PERSONAL STATEMENT EXAMPLES

Twelve College Essay Examples That Worked

Personal Statement Examples From Successful College Applications

The Best Common Application Essay Examples 

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Trump says he will renew efforts to replace ‘Obamacare’ if he wins a second term

FILE - Republican presidential candidate and former President Donald Trump speaks at the South Texas International Airport, Nov. 19, 2023, in Edinburg, Texas. Trump says he wants to reopen the contentious fight over the Affordable Care Act. He posted on his social media site Saturday that he is “seriously looking at alternatives” to “Obamacare” if he wins a second term. (AP Photo/Eric Gay, File)

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WASHINGTON (AP) — Former President Donald Trump threatened over the weekend to reopen the contentious fight over the Affordable Care Act after failing to repeal it while in the White House, saying he is “seriously looking at alternatives” if he wins a second term.

Trump’s comments drew rebuke from Democratic President Joe Biden ‘s campaign, which cast them as another “extremist” proposal from the GOP front-runner. And they rapidly moved to mobilize a response, including new advertising in battleground states contrasting Biden’s efforts to lower drug costs with Trump’s comments.

“Donald Trump is campaigning on a threat to rip away health care from millions of Americans, so we’re going to use every tool in our arsenal to make sure the American people know that lives are literally on the line next November,” said Biden campaign communications director Michael Tyler.

The back-and-forth points to what could be a key issue in a general election rematch between Trump and Biden if both win their parties’ nominations, as is widely expected.

Biden’s team has long operated under the assumption that Trump would be the GOP nominee, given his commanding lead in the polls, and has stepped up efforts in recent weeks to cast his proposals as extreme and to paint him as a danger to democracy. Biden, in particular, has begun painting a vision of a catastrophic future if Trump wins — a strategy that could motivate lukewarm Democratic voters who may be driven more by a desire to stop Trump than to deliver a second term to Biden amid lingering concerns over high inflation , the direction of the country and his age .

Health care has generally been a better issue for Democrats than Republicans, who have largely abandoned efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act in recent years.

And Biden’s campaign quickly seized the opportunity. Beyond the new ads, the campaign will host a press call Tuesday with former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and North Carolina Gov. Roy Cooper to highlight the potential impact of repealing the law, while state Democratic parties in swing states will host their own events.

“Donald Trump’s America is one where millions of people lose their health insurance and seniors and families across the country face exorbitant costs just to stay healthy. Those are the stakes next November,” Biden-Harris 2024 spokesperson Ammar Moussa said in a statement.

Trump has not spent much time discussing health care as he has laid out an aggressive agenda for a potential second term that has focused on immigration crackdowns and mass deportations, as well as efforts to target political rivals.

But Trump weighed in on the issue Saturday morning on his Truth Social site.

“The cost of Obamacare is out of control, plus, it’s not good Healthcare. I’m seriously looking at alternatives,” he wrote. “We had a couple of Republican Senators who campaigned for 6 years against it, and then raised their hands not to terminate it. It was a low point for the Republican Party, but we should never give up!”

He was referring to July 2017, when the late Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., blocked Trump’s long effort to repeal the health care law, which has proven increasingly popular.

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About 6 in 10 Americans say they have a favorable opinion of the health reform bill signed into law in 2010, known commonly as the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare, according to a KFF poll conducted in May 2023 .

A recent ABC News/Ipsos poll found 37% of Americans trust Democrats to do a better job than Republicans on handling health care, versus about 1 in 5 — 18% — who trust Republicans over Democrats on this issue. About one-third (34%) trust neither party.

Still, a June 2023 AP-NORC poll showed a minority of U.S. adults — 44% — approving of how Biden was handling health care, with 53% disapproving. That included 69% of Democrats and 17% of Republicans — measurements in line with Biden’s overall job approval.

Trump’s comments came in response to a Wall Street Journal op-ed he shared highlighting concerns raised by Sens. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., and Mike Braun, R-Ind., that large insurance companies are using their pharmacies “to evade federal requirements that limit the percentage of premium dollars spent on profits and administration, known as the Medical Loss Ratio (MLR), resulting in sky-high prescription drug costs and excessive corporate profits.”

Biden’s Health and Human Services Department says more than 40 million are insured through coverage related to provisions of the Affordable Care Act.

Moussa said Trump “would try to rip it away if he returns to power. He was one vote away from getting it done when he was president — and we should take him at his word that he’ll try to do it again.”

___ Colvin reported from New York. Linley Sanders contributed to this report.

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TMTG Reports Second Quarter 2024 Results, Closes TV Streaming Deal

~ Ends Second Quarter with $344 Million Cash on Balance Sheet and No Debt ~

~ Opens First Data Center to Power Custom-Built Content Delivery Network ~

~ Adds TV Streaming Platform to Truth Social on iOS, Android, and Web ~

SARASOTA, Fla., Aug. 09, 2024 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- Trump Media and Technology Group Corp. (Nasdaq: DJT) (“TMTG” or the “Company”), operator of the social media platform Truth Social, is announcing financial results for the fiscal quarter ending on June 30, 2024, and that it has filed its 10-Q with the Securities and Exchange Commission (the “SEC”) today. TMTG’s quarterly report and financials were reviewed by its independent registered public accounting firm Semple, Marchal & Cooper, LLP.

In the second quarter, TMTG continued to strengthen its balance sheet. As of June 30, 2024, TMTG’s balance of cash and cash equivalents was $344 million with no debt. The Company believes its strong balance sheet will enable the expansion and refinement of its new TV streaming platform, Truth+, which was launched in August 2024 on the Company’s custom-built content delivery network (“CDN”).

The timely creation of TMTG’s new CDN, and the ensuing launch of TV streaming across the Android, iOS, and Web versions of Truth Social, allowed TMTG to officially close its transaction for the streaming technology today, giving the Company the right to secure the source code in the future.

TMTG CEO Devin Nunes said, “TMTG has opened the Truth Social platform domestically and internationally, gone public on the NASDAQ, amassed a strong balance sheet with no debt, created its own hardware infrastructure and software system to operate a unique content delivery network, and launched fast, reliable, high-quality TV streaming across the whole Truth Social platform—all, in less than three years since our inception. In addition to our plans to build out Truth+ with an array of new features, we continue to explore numerous other possibilities for growth, including mergers and acquisitions. From the beginning, it was our intention to make Truth Social an impenetrable beachhead of free speech, and by taking extraordinary steps to minimize our reliance on Big Tech, that is exactly what we are doing.”

The Company had a second-quarter GAAP net loss of $16.4 million. Approximately half the net loss, $8.3 million, comprised legal expenses including costs related to TMTG’s merger with Digital World Acquisition Corp, completed in March 2024. Additionally, the Company incurred $3.1 million of IT consulting and software licensing expenses, primarily related to its software licensing agreement to power its new TV streaming service.

Other significant costs included $828,000 for registration fees for filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission; $602,000 for accounting fees, including the cost of reauditing TMTG’s fiscal year 2022 and 2023 results after the Company secured a new auditor; and $441,000 for other expenses, primarily related to initial fees for TV streaming.   

TMTG earned $837,000 in revenue in the second quarter, in addition to recording $2.3 million of interest income. With the introduction of TV streaming in August 2024, the Company believes that it has laid the foundation for a core driver of long-term revenue and value. Nevertheless, at this early stage in the Company’s development, TMTG remains focused on long-term product development, optimizing the platform’s performance, and testing new technologies as key strategies to creating robust and lasting shareholder value. By adding features to Truth Social, expanding live TV streaming, and building out its overall ecosystem, the Company aims to first develop a slate of best-in-class products that can then be leveraged to increase revenue and drive long-term value.

With its strong balance sheet and zero debt load, the Company believes it has sufficient working capital to fund operations for the foreseeable future.

TV Streaming Update

Subsequent to the second quarter, TMTG launched its TV streaming platform, Truth+, across the entire Truth Social platform—iOS, Android, and the Web.

The streaming service relies on TMTG’s custom-built CDN, which operates through a newly opened data center as the Company works to bring additional data centers into operation. TMTG's ultra-fast streaming technology is powered through specially designed infrastructure with its own servers, routers, and software stack. Thus, TMTG expects to gain full control over its tech delivery stack for streaming across private network CDN, consistent with the goal of rendering the service uncancellable by Big Tech.

The Company further plans to introduce streaming apps integrated with the Truth Social platform that will offer cutting-edge features including an interactive 14-day electronic guide, instant catch-up TV on any show broadcast in the previous 7 days, network DVR, video on demand, subscription video on demand, a marketplace, and more.

TMTG also plans to unveil apps that allow users to watch streaming content on in-home TV sets and to introduce new advertising capabilities.

TMTG expects to expand its streaming options as the rollout continues, focusing on news, Christian content, and family friendly programming.

TMTG anticipates that, as the rollout progresses, it will continue stress and beta testing the streaming technology while collecting input from users—and announce when testing is finished and the rollout is complete.

About TMTG 

The mission of TMTG is to end Big Tech’s assault on free speech by opening up the Internet and giving people their voices back. TMTG operates Truth Social, a social media platform established as a safe harbor for free expression amid increasingly harsh censorship by Big Tech corporations.

Investor Relations Contact 

Shannon Devine (MZ Group | Managing Director - MZ North America) Email: [email protected]

Media Contact 

[email protected]

Cautionary Statement About Forward-Looking Statements

This press release includes forward-looking statements regarding, among other things, the plans, strategies, and prospects, both business and financial, of TMTG. We have based these forward-looking statements on our current expectations and projections about future events, including the future plans and potential success of the streaming services under the CDN. Although we believe that our plans, intentions, and expectations reflected in or suggested by these forward-looking statements are reasonable, we cannot assure you that we will achieve or realize these plans, intentions, or expectations. Forward-looking statements are inherently subject to risks, uncertainties, and assumptions. Generally, statements that are not historical facts, including statements concerning possible or assumed future actions, business strategies, events, or results of operations, are forward-looking statements. These statements may be preceded by, followed by, or include the words “believes,” “estimates,” “expects,” “projects,” “forecasts,” “may,” “will,” “should,” “seeks,” “plans,” “scheduled,” “anticipates” or “intends” or similar expressions. Forward-looking statements are not guarantees of future performance, and involve risks, uncertainties and assumptions that may cause our actual results to differ materially from the expectations that we describe in our forward-looking statements. There may be events in the future that we are not accurately able to predict, or over which we have no control.

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