essay about being a young mother

6 Important Lessons I Learned As A Young Mom

Teen mom in white pants holds son on beach

We can all agree motherhood is freaking hard! In every stage, at every age, in every situation – it’s beautiful , fun, rewarding, fulfilling, but also just plain old hard. Teen motherhood comes with it’s own unique set of challenges.

I became pregnant at 19. My oldest child is six now. I’m married to his dad, we own a home and a business, and also have two more kids, a cat, and a dog running around these days. I dropped out of university, but life has taught me it’s fair share of lessons. Here are 6 things I learned as a teen mom:

1. Being A Good Mom Is Not Age Dependent

I’ll say it again: being a good mom is not age dependent! Motherhood is tough at any age. As long as we are giving our babies our heart, and they are being nurtured and loved, we are off to a great start. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re less of a mom due to your age or situation.

2. Information Is Out There

I’m a researcher by nature, so one of the first things I did when I found out I was pregnant was go out and buy a book…and then another, and another. If you’re feeling intimidated by what’s to come, self-education can be a great way to help yourself feel ready. Labor videos on YouTube helped me feel prepared for childbirth. I followed moms on Instagram, and joined online forums. I looked up reviews for every baby item I bought, and did a whole lot of Googling. I still do.

When I don’t know how to handle my kids new bedtime fighting phase, I turn to my friend Google. When I want to know the best way to introduce solids to my baby, I turn to Google. As a teen mom, I sometimes felt uncomfortable asking questions out loud to my support system. Google doesn’t think any questions are dumb. It’s a wonderful time to be alive!

3. My Parents Are Humans, Too

As teenagers, I think we all see our mom and dad as, well… Mom and Dad! With parenthood comes the distinct realization that our parents are actually in fact HUMANS, too! They have their own thoughts, struggles, baggage, strengths, and weaknesses – and they’re just doing the best they can with the information they have.

In a way, the realization that our parents exist outside of parenthood feels a lot like the mind-blowing childhood realization that our teachers don’t live at school! My advice for young moms navigating tricky relationships with their parents: remember they are humans, too. Their reaction comes from their own set of thoughts, emotions, and fears. The way you feel protective over your baby, they feel about theirs (that’s YOU!).

4. Others My Age Didn’t Get It, And That’s Okay

When I arrived to Mexico during my pregnancy, I was ready to hit the floor running. I had a goal to learn Spanish by the time my baby was born, and had high expectations for all the new great friendships I’d be making. Turns out, it’s not easy to connect with girls your age when you’re young and pregnant .

Girls my age generally were in school, partying on the weekends, dating, and mostly not really interested in talking about convertible vs. infant car seats. Between the language barrier and the lack of things in common, it was tough connecting with other girls my age. As a new mom, my mind was consumed with mom things. You might feel the same way right now.

If this sounds familiar, I’d say try to just embrace this time in your life, and lean into it. Eventually, you’ll feel ready to branch out again. Once I let go of the idea that my friendships needed to be the same as I was used to them being pre-pregnancy, I found it easier to connect and build relationships. Now I have great mom-friends who are 15 years my senior, as well as great childless girlfriends who are my age and share other interests with me, such as entrepreneurship.

5. It’s Okay To Take The Path Less Traveled

High school, college, job, marriage, home ownership, baby…. there’s a certain ‘way’ I was expected to go through life. It can feel weird to zigzag and skip through instead of ticking off the boxes linearly. When I became pregnant while unmarried at 19, and dropped out of university in favor of moving to Mexico City, I was roller-coastering my way through, rather than walking down the life path society expected of me. And you know what? Doing life the zigzag way is a-okay. I’ll be 27 this week, and I’m still choosing the path less traveled in almost every choice I make. If your soul is in it, follow your gut. Chances are things will find a way to sort themselves out.

6. I Can Do Hard Things

Let me tell you, there’s nothing like birthing a baby when it comes to proving to yourself you can do hard things. Teen motherhood showed me I can do things that are hard, and that are way (and I mean waaaay) outside my comfort zone. It has become a core belief for me, and I try to instill this belief in my children too. Hard things are 100% possible. When I started my business, I believed I could do it because I’d already done other things that felt impossible. When we sold everything and moved to Colorado, we knew we could do it, because we’d already done other hard things. Just. Keep. Going.

(Young) motherhood can feel all-consuming, and really, really hard. Don’t be scared to reach out for help (even if it’s from Google or online friends!), and trust yourselves to be able to get through this tricky patch. Family relationships might be strained right now, but do your best to work through the sticky stuff, because we’re all just human at the end of the day. When it comes to friendship, know stuff might never be the same as it was, but new friends will come, and old friendships will evolve. Hold on to the knowledge that hard things are possible, and through overcoming, greatness comes. Girl, you’ve got this!

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laetitia Doets of Colorado . You can follow her journey on Instagram . Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

Read part one of Laetitia’s story here:

‘Hands trembling, I wrote an email to my father: ‘I’m pregnant. Don’t worry. I have a plan.’: Teen mom turned 6-figure business owner urges ‘young parenthood doesn’t need to be a curse’

My teen mom experience and journey to acceptance

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This is something that I have contemplated sharing for 2 years. I have struggled with opening up about my teen mom experience and journey to acceptance for many reasons. I worried that it was too personal for the internet, that I would be sharing something completely unrelatable, or that I would get a generous amount of social media backlash for it. I’m choosing to open up about it because I believe that vulnerability is powerful and when you open up, it gives others the strength to do so. Whether you share my teen mom experience or not, we all have deep-seated wounds from our past that shape us in profound ways. I hope that by sharing my story, you can work on your path to acceptance too.

I’m Not Invincible

I am a teen mom. At 25, I say “I am” not “I was” because that experience, the criticism that came with it, and the aftermath of it never leave me. I got pregnant when I was a 17-year-old senior in high school by my first real boyfriend. It was a shock to me, my parents, and my friends that I ended up pregnant. I was a classically trained musician, a theatre nerd, and in my very limited free time, I enjoyed reading Shakespeare or scouring vintage thrift shops with my babysitting money in hand for the perfect Audrey Hepburn inspired dress. I was the kid parents thought was a good influence. I never partied, I never missed my curfew, and I was always respectful and courteous. I grew up in a solid home with two loving parents who were married and very involved in my life. I shouldn’t have ended up as a “teen mom”. I didn’t have the general characteristics that many young mothers did but I ended up being one. I wasn’t invincible and my life choices had consequences.

The days after I found out I was pregnant are pretty foggy. I was petrified for the baby I was about to bring into this world. What kind of mother would I be? How would I support this baby? As far as I was concerned, I was the biggest idiot to ever roam the planet. I was about to bring this precious, perfect, untainted baby into this world by me, a barely legal teen who had accomplished nothing. On top of that, I felt a lot of guilt over the stress my pregnancy was putting on my parents who had given me every opportunity just for me to screw it all up end up a knocked up 17-year-old. I felt alone and hopeless but also, that I deserved that pain. I felt that I had put all this stress upon my loved ones and I deserved to feel like a human garbage pit for the rest of my life. I vowed to make up for it and not be an embarrassment to my child, my family, and myself.

Baby with a Baby

I laid low the majority of my pregnancy. I finished up my end of senior year activities. After graduating my life consisted mostly of working as much as possible at a local chocolate shop and going to doctor’s appointments to check up on my growing baby. I can only think of a handful of times I left the house other than that. Once to one of my closest friend’s graduation party, another time to a local pageant a few of my friends were participating in, and another time to a Denny’s with my mom after she picked me up from work. I remember that Denny’s experience vividly. The people across the restaurant staring at me and snickering.

It was obvious that I wasn’t of the normal mothering age. At 18, I looked 14 on a good day. To make matters worse, I remember the waitress giving us our orders and asking me how old I was. I told her and she proceeded to rant about how I was just a “baby with a baby”. I was mortified. I thought to myself that the humiliation and shame I felt would be completely eradicated once I had the baby and started looking like myself. I couldn’t wait for the moment I would have this baby so I could return to normalcy. Most of my pregnancy was spent dreaming of the day I could go in public without fearing ridicule.

The Elephant in the Room

I’d love to say that once I had my son things automatically got easier for me, but they didn’t. While I look like a “normal” teen again, I still spent the majority of the time with my son. The snide comments, rude stares, and questioning from strangers if that was my “son” or my “little brother” never got easier. While I tried to lay low, I felt like the elephant in the room everywhere I went.

I started trying to make myself appear older. When I would go out with my son, I would always have on makeup and a dress. I thought by looking put together, maybe I could play the part. Appear as if I had my life together and as if I was of suitable mothering age. I tried to act more maturely and walk taller but it didn’t work. I still got the dirty looks from strangers, the questions, the judgment, and all.

I’d also love to say when I was around my college peers it was different but I felt even worse. While I shared similar childhood experiences with my classmates, I was now so drastically different from them. I will never forget in my first semester of college how people treated me if they knew I had a child right away, in comparison to finding out I had a child after they got to know me. I had an experience freshman year where a person from my class was paired with me on a project. This person had been very friendly to me in passing throughout the semester.

When I told this person I had a child and might have to bring him to our evening meetings, everything changed. My classmate became distant and the friendly chatter ended. This person wanted to do our portions separately. This experience and a few other uncomfortable encounters with classmates my freshman year made me realize very quickly that if someone knew early on before getting to know me that I had a child, I would most likely be scarlet lettered. I didn’t want to be interrogated with rude comments like; “Is your baby daddy still in the picture?” or “were you trying to get pregnant at 17?”, and a variety of other invasive questions. I desperately wanted to blend in.

Looking back, I am frustrated that I allowed those negative experiences to make me fear showing who I really am to people. I would wait to mention my son until a month into chatting with a friend in class or when someone brought up “who’s that kid in your Facebook photo”? It made me sad that the greatest thing in my life, my biggest blessing, my son, was someone I felt I had to hide in order to be accepted and to get ahead in life both personally and professionally. I don’t say this for sympathy, I say this to paint a picture. I made many friends during that year and the years to come who accepted me for who I was but the negativity from the experiences I had freshman year ate away at me.

Playing Dress Up

In retrospect, I can see that the majority of my son’s early life was spent playing dress up and feeling ashamed of myself. The transition to “teen mom” was hard for me to accept. Let’s be real, I was a white female from a storybook two parent, upper-middle-class household. It was the first time I had faced profiling or adversity in my life. I cannot imagine how it feels for people in minority groups with attributes they cannot hide; whether it be their race or disability. Those are the people in this world that have true adversity.

I was equipped to be a teen mom by the various gifts I had been given both by God and by my parents. My armor was that I looked like a regular teen without my child. That I could go places and “pass” as a conventional college student. And also, that my years of performing classical music with professionals such as Apollo’s Fire The Cleveland Baroque Orchestra and the Cleveland Orchestra Chorus gave me the skill set to present myself professionally. I was designed to handle it and even when I was struggling, I was a pro at appearing graceful and somewhat put together.

It still makes me uncomfortable to this day when people commend me for raising my son at such a young age, for having the job I do, and for not becoming a stereotype. It makes me feel uneasy because this would have been my path kid or no kid.

I understand that people have good intentions when they compliment me on these things. However, it comes off though as if it’s amazing that moms, especially young moms, can accomplish anything.

I don’t see my life as any more difficult than anyone else’s. This is greatly in part to my dad, Mike. I’ll never forget when I was in the beginning stages of being 17 and pregnant. My dad and I had a life changing conversation that will always stick with me.

He said to me this: “You are not special because you’re a teen mom. You are no different than anyone else. Everyone has crap to deal with in their lives. It might be health issues, a bad family situation, abuse…you name it. Never let this be an excuse.”

The fact that my dad saw me as who I always was and refused to let me make excuses was just what I needed. It allowed me to not feel sorry for myself. It pushed me out of my pregnancy depression rut where I had watched all 8 seasons of Desperate Housewives in 2.5 weeks.

When I was tired or felt frustrated with what was going on in my life, I reminded myself of my dad’s words and they kept me going. It kept me accountable when I did not want to make a healthy dinner for my son and wanted take out or I was tired of writing and wanted to take a break. These words still motivate me today.

My Path to Self Acceptance

For many years, hearing the term “teen mom” made me feel uneasy, especially when it was used to categorize me. It made me feel as if I was lesser of a mom or person. I can only speak from my experience, but it does something to you when what should be the happiest moment of your life, bringing a child into the world, is viewed as shameful. I carried that with me for many years.

It consumed me, it kept me from feeling satisfied with who I was and what I had accomplished and even worse in my mind, what I had yet to accomplish. I always wanted to do more and be more for myself and for my son. Nothing ever felt good enough.

It wasn’t until 2 years ago where I had a late night epiphany where that mindset shifted. I looked back at my life and at the choices I made. I thought about the guilt and discomfort I felt over Ian having me as a mother, over my relationship not working out with my son’s father, over my backward and nontraditional way into adulthood, and over the stress my pregnancy had caused my parents.

I realized how much I let it affect me, how it had affected every aspect of my life from not appearing confident in interviews, to dating guys that didn’t respect me, and everything in between. That night, I thought about how much my son had grown and all the attributes I loved about him.

For the first time in my life, I gave myself some credit for raising him and helping shape him into the person he was becoming. Being a teen mom is a huge part of my life. It’s a difficult path to motherhood and a journey I would never sugarcoat or glamorize but it’s a part of my story. I realized then that by trying to be everything a teen mom wasn’t, I was rejecting who I am. I was punishing myself for leading a life that I loved. I am a teen mom and I accept myself wholeheartedly.

I hope that whoever is reading this blog, whether your story is similar to mine or entirely different, that you can let go of whatever is holding you back. That you can accept your past and the labels that have been given to you. That you can embrace them and the path that made you special. Your life is uniquely yours, your story has never been written before, and your future is limitless.

Originally published at www.slaydy.com

Motherhood Changes Us All

By Jessica Grose May 5, 2020

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The most memorable moment of becoming a mother often involves a single day. You gave birth, or the child someone else baked inside comes into your life. It’s a before, and an after. But that first day is only the beginning of an identity shift that is ongoing and eternal. The person you are after the first year of motherhood is not the same person you are after year three, year 10 or year 40.

That’s why, in honor of Mother’s Day, we decided to look at the whole messy, glorious, complicated story of identity and motherhood.

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I’m Darker Than My Daughter. Here’s Why It Matters.
When Your Name Becomes ‘Mom’

We have short essays about how becoming a mother changed the way we look at ourselves, from our relationships to our own ambitions, as well as failure, body image and more, written by Amber Tamblyn, Casey Wilson, Nikole Hannah-Jones, Angela Garbes, Robin Tunney, Jennifer Weiner and several others. There’s a piece by Jenni Gritters about how motherhood rewires your brain, and another by Pooja Lakshmin, M.D., a perinatal psychiatrist, about how not to lose yourself when you become a parent.

During this coronavirus pandemic, it can be hard to know who we are as people, as the barriers between our public and maternal selves have collapsed in ways we never considered. But if there’s one thing to take away from all of these stories, it’s that your identity as a mother isn’t fixed; it’s likely to change in ways that will surprise and maybe even delight, as you and your children grow.

Being a Young Mother: Advantages and Advice

15 Things I Learned From Being a Young Mother

All the Things I Learned by Being A Young Mother.

Being a young mother was and still is a challenge. In fact, being a mother at any age is challenging. I was 20 years-old when I had my first daughter and although I had a lot to learn, any parent at any age does.

I didn’t have experience with kids before I was a Mom so; I had to learn as I went. I didn’t have any younger siblings or didn’t do much babysitting. I was the baby of mi familia. In reality, while an older woman may have had it easier, if she didn’t have experience with infants like me, we would be in the same boat.

1. You Get Stares and Comments.

I’ll be honest and start off with the negative points, the stigma. In fact, my doctor completely ignored my birth plan and repeatedly told me, “You are trying to fly a plane without a license,” while I was in labor. While I stood my ground, he felt the need to belittle my choices. In the end, I did what I felt was right.

Once the baby was here, almost every time I was out pushing a stroller, I’d often get raised eyebrows and stares. At times, they would even shake their heads in shame. Sometimes older ladies would stop and compliment my little Peanut and quite obviously glance at my left hand to see if it bore a ring.

Or they would ask very inappropriate questions like if I was babysitting or if it was my baby sister. Also, doctors, bankers or anyone with authority often treat you as if you are a child yourself. Like you don’t know any better and they have to tell you how it is.

You get long-winded explanations, dumb downed instructions–you get the point. You have to deal with a lot of indirect but direct opinions, condescension and unwarranted judgment. You just develop a thick skin and you don’t let them bother you.

It cemented that old saying to me though. You know, the one that says to never judge a book by its cover. While I was young, I was married and in college. Not to mention, someone ready to take on the journey that was in front of me. I learned to never make other people feel the way I was forced to feel.

See What Other Young Moms Have Went Through: “I was a mom at 17. People under estimate young moms. Age does not matter, really. I know shitty 40 year old moms and great teen moms. I had 3 kids by 24. My kids are all rock stars. Good, polite, kind and smart. -Kim, Tales of a Ranting Ginger. “My first son was born when I was 19 and had just finished my first year at University. I dealt with people criticizing my choices, telling me I would never finish school, the nurses when I gave birth were so mean. As if age really makes you a good Mother. I actually cried in the hospital from their treatment. I’ve learned that age is just a number, you can accomplish anything with a child (I completed my undergraduate in regular time which included going back to two classes one month after giving birth) and raised an awesome son with my husband. Young moms don’t need criticism or unwanted advice. They need support, encouragement and love. If they feel supported with their dreams then they can accomplish anything, plus the best bonus is we get to share these moments with the most important people in our lives our kids. Never judge that young Mother, your words can cause damage.”-Carla Duzzo, Working Mommy Journal . “I had my first child at 21, and by 28. I was a mom of four. Being a young mother has made me really strict with my children. I think people are hard on young moms, and are always watching them more closely, making sure they aren’t screwing it up. The only thing worse than having your kids behave badly in public is having people stare while they have a meltdown because you look ‘too young’ to know what you’re doing.” -Adrienne, Contributor at MamanLoupsDen.com . “As a Mom at 22, I realize that I grew up way too quickly. Being so young, I made a lot of mistakes but I still think whether I was 22 or 32, I probably would have done it anyway. Kids take you to a new level of maturity at any age. Having 2 kids as adults at 43, I feel older than my years while being happy that I have many years to enjoy seeing their choices in life.” -Trina Stewart, Life’s A Blog .

2. You Get Judgment Indeed but, Empathy Too.

Aside from having dealt with a lot of ignorance from people I encountered, not all of them were like I described above. You often meet a lot of great women who understand that being a parent is hard for all parties at ANY age. It was and is refreshing to meet other parents who get the ups and downs of parenting and are on the same journey you are on. No judgment but, connecting through the same milestones, struggles and happiness that being a parent brings.

3. The Challenges Change Over Time.

Along with the opinions, you often get unsolicited advice or remarks like, “Oh, it will get better and easier for you.” It really doesn’t. I also love the fact that they automatically assumed that it was so hard because of my age. The challenges change for every parent, whether it is waking up every 1-2 hours to breastfeed or bottle-feed, changing diapers, perfecting swaddling to eventually making your own baby food, getting them on a sleep schedule, teaching them their A, B, C’s and so on. Soon enough, they will be refusing to do chores and testing your patience in all sorts of different ways! You will suffer through their broken hearts, disappointments and own life lessons.

4. You Take Things with A Grain of Salt.

I had an incredibly helpful and supportive family and an even more patient Mom. She taught me everything about taking care of a baby and while most of it was priceless, there was a lot of the advice that she gave that I didn’t agree with and that’s okay. You learn to take unsolicited advice with a grain of salt and decide whether you can use it or not. I am profoundly grateful to both of my parents and brother and sister for helping us raise our girls.

5. You Learn Humility.

You also learn to ask for help when you need it. Even now I will call my Mom to ask certain things or even to just get an opinion on something that I am unsure of. Sometimes it is more than that and you have to ask for help to get through tough situations. Whatever it may be, it humbles you in ways you never thought possible.

6. Post-Secondary Education May Not Happen.

You’d be surprised at how a baby can change your world. Especially when you are in the midst of preparing for your own future. When I was pregnant with my first, I was in college up until I was 8 months pregnant. Through a kidney infection, hospitalization, swollen feet and just normal pregnancy symptoms, I worked hard to graduate and gain my Journalism degree with straight 4.0 GPA’s. I went back a few years later and I got certification in the health care field with honors.

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy report, only 40% of teen moms that have children at age 17 finish high school and only 23% of teen moms of the same age go on to complete their GED and the gap gets even larger when it comes to post-secondary education. About 16% of teen moms go on and complete 2 years of post-secondary, 5% aged 18 or younger and 21% of moms aged 20-21.

Only 2% of teen moms ever finish college by the age of 30. Compared to the 9% that gave birth at the age of 20-21.

Now these are US statistics, how about us Canadians? According to Statistics Canada, believe me, we aren’t very far behind and almost the same as the US. We have more than the UK.

I knew I was young and I knew that if I was going to give my own child a future, I had to work even more to establish my own. It gives you a drive to become who you want to be.

7. Life Doesn’t End, It Just Changes.

You’ll often hear that age old saying that life ends when you have a baby. In essence, your worry-free and childhood does end but, an absolutely wonderful life takes its place. While I know that it is naive to think that it is like this for everyone, it certainly was for me.

With time you’ll find yourself surrounded by a different circle of friends altogether. Once your priorities change, there is a shift. To be honest, it’s your sense of freedom that changes and you’re no longer concerned about who’s dating who, which shoes are in style or where your friends are partying.

Going out is harder but, not impossible. You have to take time for yourself and as a couple. It just takes more planning. We travel often, have regular date nights with and without our girls and we go out all the time. I think your version of fun changes too but, you can still have your version of fun. Even as a parent!

8. Sleep and Privacy–POOF!

With that said above, well, your privacy definitely disappears. It is something you get accustomed to and I don’t think I’ve gone to the bathroom without company or without someone at the door for over 11 years. Sleep is something that is never the same again. Long gone are the days that you slept til noon. But, believe me, the little rugrats are worth it and you learn to manage your time better so that you get rest.

9. You Change For the Better.

For me personally, my life began when I had Gabby. She truly changed my life for the better, gave me focus, drive and a whole lotta love. A love like no other and she helped me slow down, mature and become even more responsible. It also helped me shape the person I wanted to be for her and now for Michaela.

10. You Become Empowered.

Like I mentioned before, being a young mom only made me work harder. It wasn’t easy going through college, not once but twice and getting 4.0’s or working odd jobs to pay for school and diapers. Struggling. That’s why I laugh when some new young parents have given me stank because they see what I share about our life. As if we woke up and overnight our lives were stable. It wasn’t that easy. We worked hard to be where we are.

Yes, all young parents go through a struggle but, when you finally establish yourself and begin to gain ownership and stabilization, there is nothing like it. Nothing like that accomplished feeling you get when you are able to provide and to save for their future too. You feel like you finally did it! The one thing people need to realize is that it is a choice you make. You can choose to remain stagnant or to push yourself to be more.

11. It’s a Whole Lot of Sacrifice.

You give up a lot when you are a parent. You have to build your life around someone else’s and that is okay. Being a young mom, I would remember seeing all the MySpace updates on what my friends were doing, things that I couldn’t do anymore. For example, having to decline invitations because I had a baby at home. To me, they were never a loss. I was happy to be at home with my little one but, you soon find that most of your “friends” fade into the sunset. But, no worries, new ones that ‘get you’ take their place and some old ones remain.

12. You Stop Caring What People Think.

Let’s be honest, life is too dang busy to worry about what so and so is saying about you. Or needless drama, you’ll find the sooner you get away from people who bring drama, the better your life is. Plus, you have little people counting on you, watching you and all that BS falls to the wayside. It doesn’t matter. The same goes with people who judge your parenting, you know what is best for your child and you learn to ignore it.

13. You Will Never Perfect Parenting.

Never. No matter what your age, it just won’t happen. You quickly learn that it is a never ending lesson and that you learn as you go and through experiences. You also learn that life changes and along with it, so do all of your life experiences. Every child is different and has different challenges and strengths.

14. You Will Make Mistakes.

Us humans make mistakes regardless if we are parents or not. It is just our nature. So naturally, as a parent, you will make A LOT of mistakes. Some days, you may feel like a complete failure. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows but, all that matters is what you do to make things right.

15. Life Still Rocks Your Socks.

Being a parent did change my life. Being a young mother definitely changed it even more but, I cannot picture my life any other way. When I’ve been asked if I would do things differently if I had the chance–I answer that without a doubt, NO. Even though I have survived some incredibly painful times, I would not change a thing.

I know that it will continue to be trying at times but, I am truly happy that my parenting journey began. I’m happy that if I am blessed with more years of life, I will have them to enjoy my children’s journeys.

Take It In.

Life still has so many amazing moments, tears of happiness and sadness are shed and priceless memories are made every single day. The chance to be able to share it with little people you brought into the world is what makes it even more so enriching.

No matter what age we are when we become parents, in the end, we are all in it together.

How old were you when you had your first child?

Let me know til then–cheers m’deres!

Nancy Polanco is a freelance journalist, lifestyle content creator, and editor of Whispered Inspirations. She is a proud Mom to Gabby and Michaela and partner and best friend to Darasak. Having worked as part of a health care team for almost a decade, Nancy is happy to be back to her passion. She is a contributor to the Huffington Post, TODAY’s Parents, and an Oprah Magazine Brand Ambassador.

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67 comments.

I can't even imagine having kids at such a young age, but it sounds like it was the perfect time for you.

I think everyone is different of course and when it is upon you, you have not other choice but to adapt! 🙂

I was 18 when I had my first child,everything you stated here is so correct.I grew up real fast.He is now 34…omg where have the years gone

I also wanted to say …your beauty is growing with age

Awww, Kathy… Thank-you so much!

You definitely grow up fast, you have to! The time definitely flies by!

I agree about stopping to care about what others think. It's so important to do what is best for you and your child without the judgement.

So very true!

I know a lot of young mothers. A lot of people like to say that young mothers aren't good mothers, but that isn't the case at all. Some of the best parents I know had their kids at a young age.

I think it is difficult at any age!

People think 20 is young for having kids? I really grew up in a different culture! Most girls in my area would get married around 18-19 and have kids right away. So for me, that's normal. Not 'young". I had my first when I was 22 years old. But yeah, I got a lot of the same frustrations with people thinking I didn't know how to raise my child because it was my first. I think people need to back off and just be supportive as people do their best to raise kids, not belittle them.

My grandparents and parents were both really young when they had kids and were married. I was married young and started a family young, I agree. People need to stop being judgmental and even if they may not agree, mind their own business.

Being a young mother is tough! I have a friend who got pregnant when she was 16, and she was judged TERRIBLY. My recent post Add Tiaré Flower & Mandarin to Your Beauty Routine

It is unfortunate. While not all young moms want the responsibility, a lot do. It is a shame she was judged so badly unless it was warranted. But, still!

You know, motherhood is a whole new world and unfortunatly other moms can be very critical. I went through a lot and was in my thirties, lol… I can't imagine doing it younger… I don't personally think age even matters, I believe that the maturity level in the person is all that counts, LOL… and how big the Mom's heart is. I know moms who are young and older and are fabulous moms, yet some who are not… It depends on the person, not age. 🙂

I think a baby can really help you mature and with everything it is on an individual basis. I think you are right, it all depends on the person and if they want to be a good mother or parent.

I was 19 when I became a mom for the first time and to be honest I really didn't care what other people thought. I was quite mature for my age and was and always have been a great, loving mom to my kids. Be the best you can be, that's all you can be. My recent post Dyson Cinetic Big Ball Animal Vacuum vs. a Central Vacuum

Very true! 🙂

I can identify with a lot of these. It can be super scary but change is always scary and the changes are often great!

I was 25 when I had my first child(my son), I was 39 when I had my second(my daughter) I am 46 now with a 21 year old and a 7 year old! It is STILL challenging on many levels. I applaud you and your words, you may be a young Mother, but you are also a very wise one! Rock on Sister!

Thank-you so much Terri, it really means a lot. It is challenging and it is ever-changing. 🙂

This is a great post. I can only imagine how hard it is to raise a baby and try to finish school.

You need a lot of support and I was lucky enough to have it. Even like that, it was still tough! Thanks! 🙂

I started young having children. It does make you grow up fast.

It sure does!

My best friend in high school got pregnant at fifteen. It was very difficult for her to go anywhere without being stared at. She was very lucky to have a very supportive family. She was able to finish high school and did a two year college program.

That is great, I know some teen moms who are still married and have careers.

I was 23 when my first daughter was born…. I'm now 30 and have for beautiful little girls. I have always looked very young and those glances and looks you mentioned are received often, even now. Very frustrating sometimes.

It can be but, it is much easier now to just ignore.

Becoming a parent can be a struggle, no matter how old you are! You are doing a great job! My recent post Best Lines from Bravo’s new Odd Mom Out

I was a young mom as well. I have to say I love it I enjoy life and the stage I am in and all we have gone thru!

Same here, I would not have it any other way.

Great list. I used to get stares whenever I was out with my oldest when she was a baby.

It happens!

A lot of these are very true. I was a young mother too. To make it worse, I look like 5 years younger than I really am. The college education for me is taking more like 14 years to complete than the average 4.

But, at least you are getting it done! You will do it!

I had my son young too. I had those stares too but I stared back lol.. I would not change a thing though My recent post What are the Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding a Toddler

LOL, same here my friend! 🙂

Who cares what other people think. I know its hard to do, but its your life and you live it everyday not them. If you are happy and your daughter is happy than that is what counts.

If you know me, I definitely do not care what people think. It is the one thing I can say helped me through all the judging. 🙂

You guys looks adorable. Yes very difficult age! Just keep pushing forward. http://www.simplysassystyle.com

Actually it was not any more difficult then it would have been at ANY age.

Age doesn't matter, all mothers go through the same trials and triumphs. Some just do it sooner, or alone, or whatever makes their situation unique. You, and every other mother, has done and is doing, a great job!

This is beautiful. I completely agree and thanks!

Hmm, I don't like your doctor! I think there is a lot comes to us naturally being mothers and we might be learning on our own mistakes, but we create our own path. I was in my upper 20's when I had my daughter, but I swear I had to learn so much with each of my kids, because they are all so different

I agree, my first was very easy-going and my second has kept me on my toes. Yeah, I dropped him really quick with my second.

I was 19 when I had my first daughter and 21 when I had my second. It did have it challenges but I had a great support in my hubby, we now we have six grandkids and are young enough to be able to really enjoy them.

That is awesome!

I agree with "You will never perfect parenting." I think it is universal. I have two boys and my oh my, they turn my world upside down all the time! No matter how many parenting tips and articles I read, I can never be a perfect parent to them, and parenting is not as easy as learning the ABC. Even though I had my boys in my late 20s, I also feel that I have a lot to learn too.

I completely agree!

Great post! ….very familiar points. I was 19 when I had my boy….he's 17 now, my baby girl just turned 3. The questions I get these days are "same father?" and "why the big age gap?". Yes same father, we just hit 20 yrs. As for the age gap…..life is full of surprises.

Ahh, the age gap question. Life is definitely unpredictable.

Beautiful post,i had my first at 18,it was hard but we made it!

We survived! No other way. 🙂

I had my first child at 20 also. I had tons of experience with babies so the hardest part was the judgement and negative comments and stares I received. Believe it or not it was completely unexpected. I didn’t expect a 20 yr old woman to get negative comments. My daughter is now 17yrs old and I have a 19month old son. If I could do it all again I would ignore ignorant people and tell some folks where to go and how to get there.

It is incredible the things that you face. But, we did it! They certainly can go somewhere!

Great article, I love hearing different experiences. Though I have got to say I don’t think scrutiny is only on young mom’s but older as well. I went through unexplained infertility and a loss before becoming pregnant with my miracle baby, at age 36 now this wasn’t the age I wanted to get pregnant at but it’s how it happened for me. I look younger so usually not too many looks but when someone found out my age I dealt with alot of comments. Eg aren’t you worried something will be wrong with your baby bc of your age, you better get the tests done and wow you will be old when she graduates. All very hurtful, I think people can be so full of judgements and negativity . I have meant wonderful young and older mothers and also the opposite. I think if you are doing the best you can and being a caring parent than that’s what counts .

OMG, Jamie… that is so horrible. I cannot believe people can be so insensitive. I hope you did not let them get to you.

When I clicked on the link I was expecting younger than 20, I think ‘young mom’ 20 is not what pops in my head. Not saying you weren’t young. Lately I find my self looking for stories of other young moms and trying to find relatable ones, did they experience what I did and so on. I was 15 when I had my first child a boy who is now 9 and 17 when I had my second a daughter who is now 6. So far I haven’t found a story like mine, not that mine is amazing, just curious. I agree with you, when they’re having a meltdown and everyone is looking at you like the young inexperienced tramp, which I’m not I can count everybody using my hands and still have room to add. The funny thing is I’m now 25 and the biggest question I get is “you have two kids! how old are you?” I say 25 and then silence and then “how old are your kids?” most of the time and I can just hear the judgement being passed not all are like that some are like cool whatever and I appreciate those people, very very much. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I get what you mean, people are too quick to judge. I was a young mom but, not a teen mom. I was just at the cusp of leaving that age range. Being a mom at any age is hard, whether you are 15 or 35, I wish women would remember that and support a fellow mom, not judge them.

Agreed, it is hard and can be isolating we definately support each other

I love this article. I still remember being prego with my 2nd one, while my oldest one was 17 at the time, you should see the stares I used to get, people actually thought my 17 yr old was the father of my baby omg to funny but the stares I used to get because he was 17 yrs old and when he travelled with me, we got a lot of stares. it goes to show you that people are ignorant and always assume things.

So true, I can imagine. I get asked if she is my sister. Oh boy.

Thanks this is an enjoyable read ,my daughter will be having her first in the New year and im sure she would enjoy this post so i have shared it on my FB wall

Becoming A Mother Transformed My Life

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Topic: Change , Mother

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