how does homework teach discipline

Developing Good Homework Habits

Some children get right down to work without much encouragement. Others need help making the transition from playing to a homework frame of mind. Sometimes providing a ten-minute warning is all it takes to help a child get ready mentally as well as to move to the place she intends to work.

There is no universally right time to do homework. In some families, children do best if they tackle their homework shortly after returning home from school in the mid afternoon; other youngsters may do best if they devote the after-school hours to unwinding and playing, leaving their homework until the evening, when they may feel a renewed sense of vigor. Let your child have some say in the decision making. Homework can often become a source of conflict between parent and child—"Johnny, why can't you just do your homework with­out arguing about it?"—but if you agree on a regular time and place, you can eliminate two of the most frequent causes of homework-related dissension.

Some parents have found that their children respond poorly to a dictated study time (such as four o'clock every afternoon). Instead, youngsters are given guidelines ("No video games until your homework is done"). Find out what works best for both your child and the family as a whole. Once this is de­termined, stick with it.

Some youngsters prefer that a parent sit with them as they do their home­work. You may find this an acceptable request, particularly if you have your own reading or paperwork to complete. However, do not actually do the homework for your child. She may need some assistance getting focused and started and organizing her approach to the assignment. Occasionally, you may need to ex­plain a math problem; in those cases, let your child try a couple of problems first before offering to help. But if she routinely requires your active participation to get her everyday homework done, then talk to her teacher. Your child may need stronger direction in the classroom so that she is able to complete the assign­ments on her own or with less parental involvement. One area where children may need parental help is in organizing how much work will have to be done daily to finish a long assignment, such as a term paper or a science project.

If your child or her teacher asks you to review her homework, you may want to look it over before she takes it to school the next morning. Usually it is best if homework remains the exclusive domain of the child and the teacher. However, your input may vary depending on the teacher's philosophy and the purpose of homework. If the teacher is using homework to check your child's understand­ing of the material—thus giving the teacher an idea of what needs to be empha­sized in subsequent classroom teaching sessions—your suggestions for changes and improvements on your child's paper could prove misleading. On the other hand, if the teacher assigns homework to give your child practice in a particular subject area and to reinforce what has already been taught in class, then your participation can be valuable. Some teachers use homework to help children develop self-discipline and organizational and study skills. Be sure to praise your youngster for her efforts and success in doing her homework well.

In general, support your child in her homework, but do not act as a taskmas­ter. Provide her with a quiet place, supplies, encouragement, and occasional help—but it is her job to do the work. Homework is your youngster's respon­sibility, not yours.

As the weeks pass, keep in touch with your child's teacher regarding home­work assignments. If your youngster is having ongoing problems—difficulty understanding what the assignments are and how to complete them—or if she breezes through them as though they were no challenge at all, let the teacher know. The teacher may adjust the assignments so they are more in sync with your youngster's capabilities.

Whether or not your child has homework on a particular night, consider reading aloud with her after school or at night. This type of shared experience can help interest your child in reading, as well as give you some personal time with her. Also, on days when your child does not have any assigned home­work, this shared reading time will reinforce the habit of a work time each evening.

To further nurture your child's love of reading, set a good example by spend­ing time reading on your own, and by taking your youngster to the library and/or bookstore to select books she would like to read. Some families turn off the TV each night for at least thirty minutes, and everyone spends the time reading. As children get older, one to two hours may be a more desirable length of time each day to set aside for reading and other constructive activities.

As important as it is for your child to develop good study habits, play is also important for healthy social, emotional, and physical growth and develop­ment. While encouraging your child to complete her assignments or do some additional reading, keep in mind that she has already had a lengthy and per haps tiring day of learning at school and needs some free time. Help her find the play activities that best fit her temperament and personality—whether it is organized school sports or music lessons, free-play situations (riding her bike, playing with friends), or a combination of these.

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

Do you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.

Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.

Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.

Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “ Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

Homework and Developing Responsibility

As children enter the fourth grade, the purpose of homework changes to some extent. In grades one to three, students are learning to read; thereafter, they are reading to learn. In fourth grade both schoolwork and homework become more challenging. Learning tasks require more organization and more sus­tained attention and effort.

Because of this change, homework becomes a more integral part of children’s learning and is reflected more in their academic record. This shift comes at a good time, since at about the fourth grade; chil­dren are ready for and want more autonomy and responsibility and less parental hovering and interference.

Homework for older children has a number of purposes. It provides an op­portunity for review and reinforcement of skills that have been mastered and encourages practicing skills that are not. Homework also is an opportunity for children to learn self-discipline and organizational skills and to take responsi­bility for their own learning.

Many of the same suggestions for approaching homework that were recom­mended for younger children apply to older children as well. Homework is best done when the child has had a chance to unwind from school or after-school activities, is rested, and is not hungry. You and your child should agree upon a regular schedule for when homework will be done, and the length of time that should be devoted to it. This schedule should provide predictability and structure but should be sufficiently flexible to respond to special situa­tions. Some children do best if their homework time is divided into several short sessions instead of a single long one.

Usually parents can be helpful by assisting their child in getting settled and started. You can look together at each day’s homework assignment and decide what parts might require help from you, a sibling, or a classmate. The most dif­ficult parts should be done first. Reviewing for tests and rote memorization tasks also should be done early and then repeated at the end of the homework session or first thing the next morning. As is the case for younger children, homework should be done in a location with few distractions (no television, radio, telephone, video games, comics, toys, or conversation), and where all the necessary supplies and reference materials are available.

Here are some specific suggestions on how to approach homework of dif­ferent types:

Reading Assignments

• Divide chapters into small units or use the author’s headings as a guide.
• Find the topic sentence or the main idea for each paragraph and under­line it or write it down.
• Write a section-by-section outline of the reading assignment, copying or paraphrasing the main points; leave some room to write in notes from class discussions.

Writing (Composition)

• Begin by recognizing that the first draft will not be the last, and that rewriting will produce better work.
• Make a list of as many ideas as possible without worrying about whether they are good or correct.
• Organize these “brainstorm” ideas into clusters that seem reasonable, and then arrange the clusters into a logical sequence.
• Write down thoughts as to why these clusters were made and why the order makes sense.
• Use this work as an outline and write a first draft; at this stage, do not worry about spelling or punctuation.
• Meaning:  Does it make sense and meet the purpose of the assignment?
• Paragraph formation:  Does each paragraph have a topic sentence and are the other sentences logically related?
• Sentence formation:  Does each sentence express a complete thought? Are capitalization and punctuation correct?
• Word:  Was the best word chosen? Is it spelled correctly?
• Neatness:  Is the paper easy to read? Does it follow the format and style the teacher expects?
• Work toward mastering the basic facts and operations (addition, sub­traction, multiplication, and division) until they become automatic. Do this work in small doses, and limit the number of facts to three to five each session. Use writing, flash cards, and oral quizzes.
• Be sure the basic concepts of computation are well understood. Do com­putation homework slowly and check the results, since if the facts are un­derstood, most errors come from being careless.
• Use money examples when learning decimals.
• For fractions, use visual or concrete aids rather than oral explanations.

Studying for Tests

• Gather together homework assignments, class notes, outlines, quizzes, and handouts, and arrange them chronologically (by date).
• Four days before the test, read the information through in a general way.
• Three days before the test, look at major titles of sections in notes and books.
• Two days before the test, review the titles of sections and read the infor­mation and organize it into related clusters.
• The night before the test, repeat the process of the night before and re­cite as much as you can from memory.

Is Homework Good for Kids? Here’s What the Research Says

A s kids return to school, debate is heating up once again over how they should spend their time after they leave the classroom for the day.

The no-homework policy of a second-grade teacher in Texas went viral last week , earning praise from parents across the country who lament the heavy workload often assigned to young students. Brandy Young told parents she would not formally assign any homework this year, asking students instead to eat dinner with their families, play outside and go to bed early.

But the question of how much work children should be doing outside of school remains controversial, and plenty of parents take issue with no-homework policies, worried their kids are losing a potential academic advantage. Here’s what you need to know:

For decades, the homework standard has been a “10-minute rule,” which recommends a daily maximum of 10 minutes of homework per grade level. Second graders, for example, should do about 20 minutes of homework each night. High school seniors should complete about two hours of homework each night. The National PTA and the National Education Association both support that guideline.

But some schools have begun to give their youngest students a break. A Massachusetts elementary school has announced a no-homework pilot program for the coming school year, lengthening the school day by two hours to provide more in-class instruction. “We really want kids to go home at 4 o’clock, tired. We want their brain to be tired,” Kelly Elementary School Principal Jackie Glasheen said in an interview with a local TV station . “We want them to enjoy their families. We want them to go to soccer practice or football practice, and we want them to go to bed. And that’s it.”

A New York City public elementary school implemented a similar policy last year, eliminating traditional homework assignments in favor of family time. The change was quickly met with outrage from some parents, though it earned support from other education leaders.

New solutions and approaches to homework differ by community, and these local debates are complicated by the fact that even education experts disagree about what’s best for kids.

The research

The most comprehensive research on homework to date comes from a 2006 meta-analysis by Duke University psychology professor Harris Cooper, who found evidence of a positive correlation between homework and student achievement, meaning students who did homework performed better in school. The correlation was stronger for older students—in seventh through 12th grade—than for those in younger grades, for whom there was a weak relationship between homework and performance.

Cooper’s analysis focused on how homework impacts academic achievement—test scores, for example. His report noted that homework is also thought to improve study habits, attitudes toward school, self-discipline, inquisitiveness and independent problem solving skills. On the other hand, some studies he examined showed that homework can cause physical and emotional fatigue, fuel negative attitudes about learning and limit leisure time for children. At the end of his analysis, Cooper recommended further study of such potential effects of homework.

Despite the weak correlation between homework and performance for young children, Cooper argues that a small amount of homework is useful for all students. Second-graders should not be doing two hours of homework each night, he said, but they also shouldn’t be doing no homework.

Not all education experts agree entirely with Cooper’s assessment.

Cathy Vatterott, an education professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, supports the “10-minute rule” as a maximum, but she thinks there is not sufficient proof that homework is helpful for students in elementary school.

“Correlation is not causation,” she said. “Does homework cause achievement, or do high achievers do more homework?”

Vatterott, the author of Rethinking Homework: Best Practices That Support Diverse Needs , thinks there should be more emphasis on improving the quality of homework tasks, and she supports efforts to eliminate homework for younger kids.

“I have no concerns about students not starting homework until fourth grade or fifth grade,” she said, noting that while the debate over homework will undoubtedly continue, she has noticed a trend toward limiting, if not eliminating, homework in elementary school.

The issue has been debated for decades. A TIME cover in 1999 read: “Too much homework! How it’s hurting our kids, and what parents should do about it.” The accompanying story noted that the launch of Sputnik in 1957 led to a push for better math and science education in the U.S. The ensuing pressure to be competitive on a global scale, plus the increasingly demanding college admissions process, fueled the practice of assigning homework.

“The complaints are cyclical, and we’re in the part of the cycle now where the concern is for too much,” Cooper said. “You can go back to the 1970s, when you’ll find there were concerns that there was too little, when we were concerned about our global competitiveness.”

Cooper acknowledged that some students really are bringing home too much homework, and their parents are right to be concerned.

“A good way to think about homework is the way you think about medications or dietary supplements,” he said. “If you take too little, they’ll have no effect. If you take too much, they can kill you. If you take the right amount, you’ll get better.”

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Write to Katie Reilly at [email protected]

Does homework really work?

by: Leslie Crawford | Updated: December 12, 2023

Print article

You know the drill. It’s 10:15 p.m., and the cardboard-and-toothpick Golden Gate Bridge is collapsing. The pages of polynomials have been abandoned. The paper on the Battle of Waterloo seems to have frozen in time with Napoleon lingering eternally over his breakfast at Le Caillou. Then come the tears and tantrums — while we parents wonder, Does the gain merit all this pain? Is this just too much homework?

However the drama unfolds night after night, year after year, most parents hold on to the hope that homework (after soccer games, dinner, flute practice, and, oh yes, that childhood pastime of yore known as playing) advances their children academically.

But what does homework really do for kids? Is the forest’s worth of book reports and math and spelling sheets the average American student completes in their 12 years of primary schooling making a difference? Or is it just busywork?

Homework haterz

Whether or not homework helps, or even hurts, depends on who you ask. If you ask my 12-year-old son, Sam, he’ll say, “Homework doesn’t help anything. It makes kids stressed-out and tired and makes them hate school more.”

Nothing more than common kid bellyaching?

Maybe, but in the fractious field of homework studies, it’s worth noting that Sam’s sentiments nicely synopsize one side of the ivory tower debate. Books like The End of Homework , The Homework Myth , and The Case Against Homework the film Race to Nowhere , and the anguished parent essay “ My Daughter’s Homework is Killing Me ” make the case that homework, by taking away precious family time and putting kids under unneeded pressure, is an ineffective way to help children become better learners and thinkers.

One Canadian couple took their homework apostasy all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada. After arguing that there was no evidence that it improved academic performance, they won a ruling that exempted their two children from all homework.

So what’s the real relationship between homework and academic achievement?

How much is too much?

To answer this question, researchers have been doing their homework on homework, conducting and examining hundreds of studies. Chris Drew Ph.D., founder and editor at The Helpful Professor recently compiled multiple statistics revealing the folly of today’s after-school busy work. Does any of the data he listed below ring true for you?

• 45 percent of parents think homework is too easy for their child, primarily because it is geared to the lowest standard under the Common Core State Standards .

• 74 percent of students say homework is a source of stress , defined as headaches, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, weight loss, and stomach problems.

• Students in high-performing high schools spend an average of 3.1 hours a night on homework , even though 1 to 2 hours is the optimal duration, according to a peer-reviewed study .

Not included in the list above is the fact many kids have to abandon activities they love — like sports and clubs — because homework deprives them of the needed time to enjoy themselves with other pursuits.

Conversely, The Helpful Professor does list a few pros of homework, noting it teaches discipline and time management, and helps parents know what’s being taught in the class.

The oft-bandied rule on homework quantity — 10 minutes a night per grade (starting from between 10 to 20 minutes in first grade) — is listed on the National Education Association’s website and the National Parent Teacher Association’s website , but few schools follow this rule.

Do you think your child is doing excessive homework? Harris Cooper Ph.D., author of a meta-study on homework , recommends talking with the teacher. “Often there is a miscommunication about the goals of homework assignments,” he says. “What appears to be problematic for kids, why they are doing an assignment, can be cleared up with a conversation.” Also, Cooper suggests taking a careful look at how your child is doing the assignments. It may seem like they’re taking two hours, but maybe your child is wandering off frequently to get a snack or getting distracted.

Less is often more

If your child is dutifully doing their work but still burning the midnight oil, it’s worth intervening to make sure your child gets enough sleep. A 2012 study of 535 high school students found that proper sleep may be far more essential to brain and body development.

For elementary school-age children, Cooper’s research at Duke University shows there is no measurable academic advantage to homework. For middle-schoolers, Cooper found there is a direct correlation between homework and achievement if assignments last between one to two hours per night. After two hours, however, achievement doesn’t improve. For high schoolers, Cooper’s research suggests that two hours per night is optimal. If teens have more than two hours of homework a night, their academic success flatlines. But less is not better. The average high school student doing homework outperformed 69 percent of the students in a class with no homework.

Many schools are starting to act on this research. A Florida superintendent abolished homework in her 42,000 student district, replacing it with 20 minutes of nightly reading. She attributed her decision to “ solid research about what works best in improving academic achievement in students .”

More family time

A 2020 survey by Crayola Experience reports 82 percent of children complain they don’t have enough quality time with their parents. Homework deserves much of the blame. “Kids should have a chance to just be kids and do things they enjoy, particularly after spending six hours a day in school,” says Alfie Kohn, author of The Homework Myth . “It’s absurd to insist that children must be engaged in constructive activities right up until their heads hit the pillow.”

By far, the best replacement for homework — for both parents and children — is bonding, relaxing time together.

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Education resources › Blog › 6 self-regulation skills homework helps students develop

6 self-regulation skills homework helps students develop

• Metacognition

Written by the InnerDrive team | Edited by Bradley Busch

Homework has become a staple part of school systems. It gives students the chance to consolidate what they have learned in class by practising it independently. But as well as improving learning, research also suggests that homework can help students develop one of life’s most important skills: self-regulation.

Self-regulation is students’ ability to monitor and manage their behaviours, thoughts, and emotions as they try to progress toward their goals. It is key for developing  independent learners  who take charge of their own learning.

So, what makes homework so good for developing self-regulation skills?

1. Time management and planning

If students want to complete their homework in time to meet the deadline their teacher set, they need to plan ahead, make sure their plan is feasible, and then stick to it. This allows them to consistently practise and hone their time management skills.

Research has shown  that students often struggle with this and can  underestimate how long it will take  to complete a task (this is known as the “Planning Fallacy”). Therefore, having the opportunity to allocate their time accordingly gives them a more accurate base for guessing how to do so again in the future.

2. Persisting with difficult tasks

Homework tasks can be challenging. Students need the persistence to complete them independently.

A key to students developing persistence is to believe that they can accomplish the task to fuel their motivation. Fortunately,  research has shown  that homework activities can help develop self-belief in students of all ages. Some students may need  assistance  with getting started on their homework independently, but when they are on a roll, they could see some improvements in their self-belief and ability to persist through difficult tasks – making future homework easier to get through.

3. Reducing distractions

Avoiding getting distracted is key to get any task done – especially homework. The  growing use of phones  among students makes this skill even more essential.

Research suggests  that reducing distractions during homework is related to overall achievement and shows that high-achieving students are more prone to have this skill than their low-achieving peers.

So, what can students do to stay on task while completing homework? Some easy strategies include:

• Putting their phone away  in another room
• Choosing a quiet space to work, away from the TV
• Turning off their music

4. Organising their environment

A focused environment is essential for students to concentrate on their homework, but it’s not just about getting rid of distractions. It’s also about surrounding themselves with only the tools that they will need or that will help them and making sure that their environment allows them to complete their homework efficiently.

Again, this gives students the opportunity to practise organising their working environment, which is an important self-regulatory skill that can help them complete tasks more productively.

5. Overcoming unwanted emotions

Self-control of emotions is another self-regulatory skill that helps students to manage their behaviour. It can be a little bit more difficult for students to manage their emotions as  research has concluded  that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain largely responsible for this, does not fully develop until age 25.

Doing homework allows students to practise overcoming their frustrations in the face of challenges. A key to this is to  develop their mindset , to believe that with effort, curiosity and a good outlook on setbacks, they can achieve the task at hand.

6. Reflecting on what they have learned

Finally, homework can help students develop self-reflection, which is a  metacognitive skill  as well as a self-regulation skill.

Essentially, this means that students are aware of which learning strategies are working for them and what they can do to elevate their learning. For example, they can  ask themselves reflective questions  throughout the homework task to monitor their progress and see how they can improve their thinking processes.

For example,  research has shown  that reflecting on learning during homework helped increase the academic achievement of 9–10-year-olds after only 5 weeks of training.

Final thoughts

Self-regulation skills are necessary for students in both their educational and personal lives. Homework is a low-cost and effective way to develop these skills for students across all age groups.

This is not to say that other extra-curricular activities such as sport, dance, music or drama can’t also help nurture these skills. However, evidence suggests that homework is certainly one vehicle for students to practice and enhance their self-regulatory behaviours.

About the editor

Bradley Busch

Bradley Busch is a Chartered Psychologist and a leading expert on illuminating Cognitive Science research in education. As Director at InnerDrive, his work focuses on translating complex psychological research in a way that is accessible and helpful. He has delivered thousands of workshops for educators and students, helping improve how they think, learn and perform. Bradley is also a prolific writer: he co-authored four books including Teaching & Learning Illuminated and The Science of Learning , as well as regularly featuring in publications such as The Guardian and The Telegraph.

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The Importance Of Homework

MSU Extension

Homework: help your child develop key homework skills.

Holly B. Tiret, Michigan State University Extension - September 20, 2012

Explore suggestions to encourage the development of critical homework skills including organization, time management and basic study strategies

One key skill your child needs to develop is organization. It is easier to get started on homework when the basics are there, such as having a homework site, creating a filing system or using other visual organizers like a planner. Another key skill is developing time management. Children need a consistent time to study to help reduce or eliminate distractions. They need proper sleep, adequate breaks and an ability to predict the length of bigger projects or assignments. In addition, children need to have good study strategy skills. It helps if they know a variety of strategies such as rewriting, drawing, memorizing aloud and using flash cards.

Help your child develop a daily homework checklist:

• Copy homework assignments with teacher’s instructions
• Bring home any necessary materials
• Start homework at the set time
• Make an effort to do the homework well
• Place homework by the door ready to take back to school

Other ways to help your children improve their homework skills include spending time together. While your child is studying you can sit with them and read, study something new or catch up on local news, that way you can be available to help your child if needed. It may helpful to meet with your child at the beginning of the semesters to help them break down large assignments into manageable tasks. Be sure to monitor their progress. Work together with your child to manage interruptions, phone calls or friends who might stop by.

Talk with your child to get input on how to handle homework habits. Ask them what time of day is easiest for them to study. Find out what homework they find the most interesting and what is the most challenging for them. Discuss your family values about school, homework and education.

Helping your child develop the key homework skills of organization, time management and basic study strategies will translate into school success and life-long learning skills. By being open and getting your child’s input you are setting up a more cooperative family atmosphere.

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension . For more information, visit https://extension.msu.edu . To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit https://extension.msu.edu/newsletters . To contact an expert in your area, visit https://extension.msu.edu/experts , or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

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What’s the Purpose of Homework?

• Homework teaches students responsibility.
• Homework gives students an opportunity to practice and refine their skills.
• We give homework because our parents demand it.
• Our community equates homework with rigor.
• Homework is a rite of passage.
• design quality homework tasks;
• differentiate homework tasks;
• move from grading to checking;
• decriminalize the grading of homework;
• use completion strategies; and
• establish homework support programs.
• Always ask, “What learning will result from this homework assignment?” The goal of your instruction should be to design homework that results in meaningful learning.
• Assign homework to help students deepen their understanding of content, practice skills in order to become faster or more proficient, or learn new content on a surface level.
• Check that students are able to perform required skills and tasks independently before asking them to complete homework assignments.
• When students return home, is there a safe and quite place for them to do their homework? I have talked to teachers who tell me they know for certain the home environments of their students are chaotic at best. Is it likely a student will be able to complete homework in such an environment? Is it possible for students to go to an after school program, possibly at the YMCA or a Boys and Girls Club. Assigning homework to students when you know the likelihood of them being able to complete the assignment through little fault of their own doesn’t seem fair to the learner.
• Consider parents and guardians to be your allies when it comes to homework. Understand their constraints, and, when home circumstances present challenges, consider alternative approaches to support students as they complete homework assignments (e.g., before-or after-school programs, additional parent outreach).

Howard Pitler is a dynamic facilitator, speaker, and instructional coach with a proven record of success spanning four decades. With an extensive background in professional development, he works with schools and districts internationally and is a regular speaker at national, state, and district conferences and workshops.

Pitler is currently Associate Professor at Emporia State University in Kansas. Prior to that, he served for 19 years as an elementary and middle school principal in an urban setting. During his tenure, his elementary school was selected as an Apple Distinguished Program and named "One of the Top 100 Schools in America" by Redbook Magazine. His middle school was selected as "One of the Top 100 Wired Schools in America" by PC Magazine. He also served for 12 years as a senior director and chief program officer for McREL International, and he is currently serving on the Board of Colorado ASCD. He is an Apple Distinguished Educator, Apple Teacher, National Distinguished Principal, and Smithsonian Laureate.

He is a published book author and has written numerous magazine articles for  Educational Leadership ® magazine,  EdCircuit , and  Connected Educator , among others.

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Battles Over Homework: Advice For Parents

Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

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I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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How to Help Students Develop the Skills They Need to Complete Homework

Middle and high school students can learn to work more efficiently by using strategies that improve their executive function skills.

The effects of homework are mixed. While adolescents across middle and high school have an array of life situations that can make doing homework easier or harder, it’s well known that homework magnifies inequity . However, we also know that learning how to manage time and work independently outside of the school day is valuable for lifelong learning. From the homework wars  to students who have little time for homework to students who don’t even know where to begin, everyone can agree that kids who can self-regulate and engage in independent rehearsal are better positioned for whatever the future holds.

How can we empower students to overcome barriers to doing homework well?

Executive Functioning

Homework is partially an assessment of executive functioning. Executive functioning and self-regulation take time to develop. They depend on three types of critical brain function: working memory, mental flexibility, and self-regulation .

Let’s break this down to consider how to improve their efficiency.

Working memory: Don’t hold everything in your head; it is not possible. When doing homework, students should write down their ideas, whether they are notes while reading, numbers when working through a math problem, or non-school-related reminders about chores, such as remembering to take the dog for a walk. Clearing working memory for the immediate task at hand allows the brain to focus as the strain is reduced.

Mental flexibility: As students build their independence and grow their homework routines, seeing an array of strategies, or more than one way to solve a problem, is important. Consider the results when a child gets stuck and doesn’t know what to do to get unstuck or when one keeps trying the same failed approach. Chunking homework helps simplify the process. When stuck, a student looks at a smaller piece, which makes it easier to see other solutions. More practice with mental flexibility happens when others model thinking in different ways, and students practice flexible thinking with partners by asking them: What is another way? Use this bubble map to chart out multiple ways.

Self-regulation: Learning how to prioritize work and stick with it by not giving in to impulses is a skill that students develop over time . One way to teach self-regulation is to have students practice control by concentrating for short periods of time with the goal of building up to longer, more sustained periods of time as the year progresses. For a child who struggles with reading for an extended time, start with five minutes and then build from there.

Another self-regulation tip is creating a plan to overcome distractions. What happens when the child stumbles? Three minutes into reading and a student is reaching for their cell phone. Recommend that they practice moving the cell phone away from the homework area, and summarize before returning to the reading. Stops and starts are frustrating and often result in lost homework time. Have students practice responses to distraction, and make this part of their homework. When a student struggles to stay on task, they should be encouraged to remove any distraction in order to regain focus.

Use classroom assessment as a tool to plan for and support student homework. Record the following information for students:

• Do they write, read, and/or solve problems in class? For how many minutes independently?
• What is the quality of their work? Are they actually learning, or are they just going through the motions?
• Do they know how to strategize on their own or get help from a peer when they’re stuck? Observe them and take notes, and/or have them reflect on this question.

We cannot expect that students will independently practice a skill they don’t engage with during class. If it doesn't happen in the classroom, it's not going to happen at home. The teacher should be able to realistically gauge how much and what students might achieve at home. A suggestion to build independence is to use task analysis . Here is a model . For students who struggle with getting homework done, at first they may not actually do homework; rather, they practice the routines of setting up and getting started.

Direct Instruction

The following are some techniques that help students with homework:

• Mindful meditation to gain focus
• Prioritizing and estimating time
• Filtering out distractions

Peers as Partners

Class partnership routines need practice. With strong partnerships, kids learn how to support and learn from each other. Access to teachers will never match the unlimited access to peers. The hours that students who achieve at high levels put in after class are often spent alone rehearsing the content or with peers who push each other to improve.

Class-to-Home Connection

While some students struggle with executive functioning, others rush through their homework. The most important step in having homework count is to make it seamless, not separate from class. Homework flows from classwork. Especially with a mix of synchronous and asynchronous work, now there is no homework, just work done for our classes. Consistent instructional goals with engaging and meaningful tasks help students see the value in working beyond the last bell.

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The Pros and Cons of Homework

The dreaded word for students across the country—homework. 

Homework has long been a source of debate, with parents, educators, and education specialists debating the advantages of at-home study. There are many pros and cons of homework. We’ve examined a few significant points to provide you with a summary of the benefits and disadvantages of homework.

Check Out The Pros and Cons of Homework

Pro 1: Homework Helps to Improve Student Achievement

Homework teaches students various beneficial skills that they will carry with them throughout their academic and professional life, from time management and organization to self-motivation and autonomous learning. 

Homework helps students of all ages build critical study abilities that help them throughout their academic careers. Learning at home also encourages the development of good research habits while encouraging students to take ownership of their tasks.

If you’re finding that homework is becoming an issue at home, check out this article to learn how to tackle them before they get out of hand.

Con 1: Too Much Homework Can Negatively Affect Students 

You’ll often hear from students that they’re stressed out by schoolwork. Stress becomes even more apparent as students get into higher grade levels. 

A study conducted on high school student’s experiences found that high-achieving students found that too much homework leads to sleep deprivation and other health problems such as: 

• Weight loss 
• Stomach problems 

More than half of students say that homework is their primary source of stress, and we know what stress can do on our bodies.

It’s been shown that excessive homework can lead to cheating. With too much homework, students end up copying off one another in an attempt to finish all their assignments.

Pro 2: Homework Helps to Reinforce Classroom Learning

Homework is most effective when it allows students to revise what they learn in class. Did you know that students typically retain only 50% of the information teachers provide in class?

Students need to apply that information to learn it.

Homework also helps students develop key skills that they’ll use throughout their lives: 

• Accountability 
• Time management
• Self-direction
• Critical thinking
• Independent problem-solving

The skills learned in homework can then be applied to other subjects and practical situations in students’ daily lives.

Con 2: Takes Away From Students Leisure Time

Children need free time. This free time allows children to relax and explore the world that they are living in. This free time also gives them valuable skills they wouldn’t learn in a classroom, such as riding a bike, reading a book, or socializing with friends and family. 

Having leisure time teaches kids valuable skills that cannot be acquired when doing their homework at a computer.

Plus, students need to get enough exercise. Getting exercise can improve cognitive function, which might be hindered by sedentary activities such as homework.

Pro 3: Homework Gets Parents Involved with Children’s Learning

Homework helps parents track what their children are learning in school. 

Also allows parents to see what their children’s academic strengths and weaknesses are. Homework can alert parents to any learning difficulties that their children might have, enabling them to provide assistance and modify their child’s learning approach as necessary.

Parents who help their children with homework will lead to higher academic performance, better social skills and behaviour, and greater self-confidence in their children.

Con 3: Homework Is Not Always Effective

Numerous researchers have attempted to evaluate the importance of homework and how it enhances academic performance. According to a study , homework in primary schools has a minimal effect since students pursue unrelated assignments instead of solidifying what they have already learned.

Mental health experts agree heavy homework loads have the capacity to do more harm than good for students. But they also say the answer may not be to eliminate homework altogether. So, unfortunately for students, homework is here to stay.

You can learn more about the pro and cons of homework here.

Need Help with Completing Homework Effectively?  

There are many pros and cons of homework, so let our tutors at Oxford Learning can help your family create great homework habits to ensure students are successful at homework.

Contact a location near you to get started today!

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Home » The Importance of Homework in Learning

The Importance of Homework in Learning

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Cognitive - Articles

The last thing that children would want to do after a long day at school is homework. It is difficult to make them do their homework because they are often too tired from school and other co-curricular activities. They are also distracted by the games and other forms of entertainment at home. This is a real challenge for parents because it often starts dispute between them and their children especially when their children refuse to do their homework. However, it is important to know that while doing homework merely feels like completing a task just because it was assigned by the school, homework does play an important role in the learning process of children.

• Homework teaches children to be independent, to take initiative and responsibility for completing a task, and it helps children to develop a sense of self-discipline. Doing school work at home helps the children to practice working alone without asking for help from their classmates and teachers.
• Homework teaches children to be resourceful. As they must do things on their own, they have to learn how to use available sources of information at home such as the internet and books. This boost their confidence in independent problem-solving and in handling situations alone in the future. This also improves their research skills and exposes them to wider range of learning through the usage of additional materials.
• Homework gives an opportunity for parents to monitor their children’s academic progress. Throughout the years, research studies have consistently shown that parental involvement in a child’s learning is an important factor in determining a child’s achievement in school. Homework allows parents to have an active role in their child’s education and helps them to evaluate and monitor their child’s progress. Moreover, the process of doing homework also provides an extra venue for parents to interact and bond with their child.
• Homework allows children recap on the skills, concepts and information that they have learned in class. They get to practice on what they have learned and apply it in their homework. This continuous process of recap and application would provide a stronger reinforcement regarding the information and would allow for a stronger retention of information in their minds and make learning more efficient.

However, as much as doing homework contributes to the learning process of children, it must also be noted that too much homework can cause them stress and exhaustion. Too much pressure can lead to debilitating effects on the child’s health and mental psyche. A child’s health should not be compromised just for the sake of doing homework. As the saying goes “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” Allowing them a 15-minute break in between each task makes a vast difference in the child’s concentration and attention levels towards the tasks.

It must also be noted that homework that are out of their depth will cause the child to lose interest and confidence in the subject. They will feel that no one provide help for them and no matter how hard they try, they are just going to get the questions wrong. So, it is advisable that whenever your child is learning something new in school, take time to sit with them and go through the homework first before allowing them to complete the rest of the homework independently. Don’t forget to also check in on their homework progress every once in a while and help them out. There might be a few things that they have forgotten, or they don’t feel confident enough to attempt independently so it will be good to let the child know that you are always ready to help them and that they are not alone.

Homework Support Program (Please click here to contact us about this service from Cognitive)

Homework Support Program is a service provided to assist children in their homework. The service includes giving additional activities and learning materials for children to help them fully understand the various skills and concepts that they have learnt in school. It also provides a platform for constant revision to take place and allows the child to constantly revise and reinforce on the information that they have learnt before. This program is ideal for families whereby both parents are working. It also provides parents with more opportunities to build and maintain a harmonious relationship with their child because parents will be free from the worries and frustrations regarding their child’s homework issues, thus lessening the probability for arguments to take place.

Bibliography

Atkinson, J. (n.d.). Why Homework is Important . Retrieved from scholastic.com: https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/articles/teaching-content/homework-why-it-important/

e-skool. (2010, October 27). E-skool . Retrieved from Top 14 Reason Why Homework is Important: http://blog.eskool.ca/parenting/why-homework-is-important/

A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

9 Simple Tips for Teaching Kids How to Focus on Homework

by Cate Scolnik . (This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here .)

Five minutes into my daughter starting it, she’s asked 4 irrelevant questions and walked across the room twice – for no reason .

She had a break when she first got in from school, and had a snack. Then we agreed to a little outside time before starting homework.

She’s got the book open and a pencil in her hand, but that’s the sum total of her achievement so far.

Her mind doesn’t seem to want to sit still – preferring to bounce all around the place. It’s like her mind is a magnet, and when it’s put near homework, it repels away from it.

When she was 5, I thought she would grow out of it; but at 8 years old I was beginning to worry.

As someone who likes to get in and get things done, it drives me nuts .

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter dearly. But the way she gets distracted every 5 minutes during homework time is enough to make anyone go crazy.

She’s highly intelligent, has loads of positive energy and is warm and engaging. She can focus long and hard on anything she is interested in. But getting her to focus on homework she isn’t keen on? Damn near impossible.

I just couldn’t sustain parenting positively unless I got this under control. I wanted to take some action.

At one point when her distraction was driving me nuts, I had started to wonder if I should get her tested for attention deficit disorder (ADD). My research on this topic led me to discover some behavioral techniques used with ADD kids, that are also applicable to any child having difficulty focusing.

I decided to try them for teaching my daughter how to focus on homework. Some worked better than others but overall it has been a great success. Here are the ones that worked for us –

#1 Keep It Short

When it came to doing homework, we kept it short and broke it down. Generally, that meant one ten-minute stint a day, instead of one 30-40 minute block each week.

Each time she wandered off task (mentally or physically), I would gently guide her back to the homework.

I kept the focus light and pointed out the fun parts of her work. And I bit down hard on my tongue every time I felt like screaming “If you just stuck to the task and focused you could be done already!”

#2 Use A Timer

So, if I estimated a task could be completed in about 2 minutes, I’d set the timer for 5 minutes. Each time she started chatting about something, I’d say something like “I hope you beat the timer!” or “Don’t forget – you want to beat the timer!”

#3 Wear Them Out

My daughter has loads of physical energy, so I made sure she got lots of exercise . Even now she needs to do lots of running around, or physical activity to wear her out a bit.

I’m not talking about making her run a marathon every day. Just encouraging and supporting her to move her body.

I worked with her natural rhythms as much as possible. I realized she had more energy in the afternoon, so we often went on outings in the morning.

If she’d been to school for the day and we were going to spend a few minutes on homework, I’d encourage her to go and jump her jiggles out on the trampoline before we sat down to focus.

#4 Kept It Positive

I focused on her positive outcomes as much as possible. Whenever she breezed through an activity I would give her positive feedback .

“Look how quickly you finished writing out your words! You stayed focused and you finished that in no time. Well done!”

We’d always start homework early and allow extra time to get things done, so I had to be organized and plan ahead. This meant I could sometimes say, “Wow! You finished your homework the day before it’s due. Great effort!”

If we’d been working on a homework task for a long time and she was just getting less and less focused, I’d call a stop to it. When a five-minute task is only half done after 25 minutes, and there’s no momentum, there really isn’t any point continuing.

This is a tricky one, and I didn’t use it often. She’s a bright girl and she knew she hadn’t finished what she set out to do that day. But if we kept trying and getting nowhere, we would both become very frustrated and dejected – no good ever comes out of that.

So, I’d suggest we leave it for now and come back to the task when we were fresher. This way she wasn’t failing, it just wasn’t the right time.

#6 Eat More Fish

Crazy as it might sound, eating more fish or taking fish oil supplements , is apparently helpful.

Now, I’m not a nutritionist and I understand that the fish oil theory is unproven. But there seems to be research to support the fact that fish oil high in EPA (rather than DHA) can help improve focus.

I figured it was something that couldn’t hurt, so I did it. It seemed to me that each time her fish oil consumption dipped, she became less focused.

I’ve no real evidence to support that – it may just be in my head. 😉

#7 Encourage Self-Management

The Tools of the Mind program produces brighter children who are classified as gifted more often, but more importantly, it also produces kids with better behavior, greater focus and control.

Classes involve role play and each child creates their own detailed plan of their part. If a child gets off track, the teacher refers them back to their plan.

One of the ways the program helps is through encouraging planning and time management by setting weekly goals. This helps to wire up the part of the brain responsible for maintaining concentration and setting goals.

The Tools of the Mind philosophy is that every child can become a successful learner, with the right support. Children learn by using the skills they currently have – such as drawing and play. They think through their play plan, then draw a detailed record of it, then carry it out.

Using their skills in this way teaches children to set achievable goals, work out how to reach them, and stay on track. They learn they can be responsible for their own outcomes. We’ve been using this to teach my daughter self-management .

#8 Work Together

My daughter is nearly eleven now and has matured a lot over the last year. And I’ve just started using self-management techniques to help her set goals and plan how she’ll achieve them.

Earlier this year she said she really wanted to improve her grades, which I said was a great goal. Then she said she wanted to be involved in band, which means taking some band lessons in class time.

I asked her to plan how she intended to achieve both goals, given she has other extra-curricular activities she wants to keep up.

She created a plan to practice her instrument regularly and do more homework than she has previously. We’re at week 7 of our school year here in Australia, and so far she’s on track.

She dives into homework without being reminded and gets it done early. She’s also completing homework tasks to a higher standard, rather than madly (and messily) rushing through them .

Since starting band she’s been practicing twice a day, every day – without being asked. I know that if she loses momentum, or strays off track, I can direct her back to her own plan.

#9 Understand The Scale

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. And attention and focus can vary wildly, particularly in the early years.

It partly depends on the environment, and partly the child.

Try and take the pressure off, and work with your child’s strengths.

Break tasks down and keep them fun.

Aim for a balance between physical and mental focus, and remember it’s OK to give up if the timing isn’t right.

Have realistic expectations, and know that your child’s focus will improve with age.

Don’t be scared to quit when things really are not working. Not doing a perfect job on the homework once in a while is not the end of the world. If it comes to a choice between quitting for the moment or screaming and yelling at your kids through the task, choose love and call it quits.

And finally, hang in there. It’s all going to be OK.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

Take a moment to consider your child’s behavior.

• How does it compare to other children? Either their siblings or a number of other kids of a similar age? (Try to compare them with a range of other kids – rather than one or two)
• Does your child seem to have age-appropriate behavior and focus? If you’re concerned, do you need to seek help?
• How can you start breaking down big tasks into manageable (snack-sized) sections?
• Is your child able to focus on things they like doing? Can you use that in your favor?
• Are your kids distracted by things that could be controlled?
• What strategies can you put in place to keep your kids focus?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

• Brainstorm some roles that you can use to elicit certain behavior. If you need your child to be quiet and still for a few minutes, what can they pretend to be? A King or Queen on a throne? A soldier on guard? Good posture during homework is a good idea, but if the only way to get your child to do it without a fuss is to let them pretend to sit on a throne or stand at attention, go for it!
• Think back over the things that your child struggles to focus on. How can you get them to use self-management techniques to improve?
• If it seems impossible to get your child to focus and pay attention ask yourself this: “If it were possible, how would it be achieved?” Make some notes.
• Take a moment to check out why Tools of the Mind works so well and think about how you might use their strategies at home.

About Cate Scolnik

Cate is on a mission to help parents stop yelling and create families that listen to each other. She does this while imperfectly parenting two boisterous girls of her own and learning from her mistakes. Download her free Cheat Sheet to Get Your Kids from "No" to "Yes" in Three Simple Steps and reduce your yelling today.

May 16, 2016 at 6:21 am

This is a great article and there is some mention of it but I feel it has to be emphasized- that no homework should ever trump connection with your child. If homework struggles are causing you to butt heads time to re-think! Your child needs you in their side ALWAYS, there have long difficult days in School where social interactions and the system challenge their resources all day long. The need to come home to an ally. Here in Canada we are seeing tons of research that shows that homework before high school produces little increase in assessment scores – I imagine education philosophy will move toward reducing or almost eliminating primary homework! So don’t sacrifice your living connected relationship at home iver homework

May 16, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Totally agree with you on the point that “no homework should ever trump connection with your child”, Kim.

I’ve read some of the research about homework, but I’m not entirely convinced. To me, even if homework does little to increase assessment scores, it builds the habit and discipline of getting things done on your own outside the classroom… So IMO there is some merit to it. The question for me is more of how to teach our kids to focus and build this habit in a kind and gentle manner without butting heads…

May 16, 2016 at 11:29 pm

You’re right that we shouldn’t let homework damage relationships. I’m fortunate that our school has homework as an optional thing, but we do opt in. Like Sumitha, I think it’s more about getting a routine established.

Thanks for your comment. 😉

May 10, 2017 at 3:50 pm

Agree with #Cate. I asked school to increase the home work for my daughter to help her develop the habit of focus, responsibility, self – discipline and also prepare them for high school where they should not get shocked with the name of home work thinking it as a monster.

Apart from this, these tips are life saving and work word by word. Thank you so much for sharing and I liked these so much that I shared the page with my facebook friends.

May 16, 2016 at 1:35 pm

My child’s PRE-SCHOOL had homework. It was age-appropriate (“Color the baby chicks yellow”) but surprise, surprise–my daughter didn’t want to do it. She wanted to run around the playground and then jump on the sofa. I mentioned this to another parent (of a typically developing child) and she said, “Oh, we don’t do the homework. It’s not developmentally appropriate at this age.” Boy, did my life improve when I followed her advice and ignored the homework! I told the school, nicely, that I got home from work too late in the evening to do homework. And that was the end of it! Now, in elementary school, we don’t do the homework every night. It is BORING (math worksheets) and turns her off to everything related to school!

May 16, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Wendy, homework in preschool is probably pushing it too much… but as kids grow older, I do believe there is some merit to homework in terms of building habits and discipline of doing things on your own outside the classroom and being accountable for something that is assigned to you.

I personally feel that telling kids you don’t have to do something because it is boring sends the wrong message (listening to any grownup is boring for a kid… so if they can skip doing homework because it is boring, why not also skip listening to what grownups tell them?) To me, building the habits of accountability and sticking to a task even if it is sometimes boring and learning tricks to focus even when you sometimes don’t want to are important life skills… Homework is one of the ways to do this, and I would rather look for kind and gentle ways to do this than give up on homework entirely.

June 29, 2024 at 8:25 pm

I teach at a local nursery in order to have something to do. In addition I give them two tasks each week. For example a upcoming task will involve pumpkins. They recently as a entire preschool class painted a picture of a sunflower. They are little so I do the research for them instead. In the past we have focused on music, gardening and cooking. Best wishes. Planning a October visit to a pumpkin patch.

We also once did baking. From time to time we study animals and learn about other people. If it is hot we either do gardening or ride child friendly bikes. Recently we have gone on picnics and tried tennis. Each task has a theme. Drawing is fun.

Considering a museum trip and so on. In terms of future tasks, I’m planning one that is wholly based on Halloween. I’ve also got a idea for Christmas. Other activities include pond dipping and farm outings. Yet more such fun activities in consideration will involve poster design and card making. I’m keen on easy sports like table tennis. I believe that they have a sports day. Have a nice day.

Last week I decided on a whim to try sand art and water play. I also want to teach them to cook. Two weeks before we rode bikes and assisted in the garden at the nursery. Once or twice a day we do singing and reading in question. I’m also keen on classic board games and stencilling. I want to try out new activities like pottery and face painting. We do a lot of reading. I love origami.

Bingo wouldn’t fail either. They have never played simple games like Monopoly Deal or Scrabble. Additionally I love the idea of introducing them to other classic games. We have previously tried creative writing and poetry. I really do like to focus on basic skill development as far as possible. This includes story telling and independence building. For example making friends and being healthy.

Snap is cool. So is making fresh lemonade and the like. I’ve never tried either activity. I love to play UNO. Coding is hard work. One day in the near future I’m organising a class trip to a library and a zoo. In the past I’ve shown them how to use a shape sorter toy and puppets. We use the puppets to tell a simple story. And we have a sensory room.

May 16, 2016 at 7:49 pm

I don’t believe in most homework and glad it’s not generally a part of Montessori. At my kids’ school they don’t start handing out homework until 4th grade, and even then it’s a packet they have all week to complete so they can choose their own pace for finishing it. I like that no homework leaves time for other things like piano and violin and volleyball and Latin, not to mention the chance for my kids to help me cook, etc. When my oldest got to the adolescent program and we started to struggle with homework, we realized in her case the best approach was to back off and leave her to fail or succeed on her own. I think for many children there is much more value in unstructured time to play and explore. They have to be disciplined at school all day. I don’t see why they have to extend that into home time. I love watching my kids come up with their own projects which are often far more interesting than anything a teacher would send home as an assignment. Most homework is busy work. Life is too short for that.

May 16, 2016 at 9:20 pm

If the homework was long and unending, I would likely agree with you (at least to a certain extent ;)), Korinthia. Fortunately, my daughter’s home work assignments usually take just 10 – 15 minutes which she actually finishes up in school. It is busy work, but it reinforces the facts that she has learnt that day in school. Her teacher’s take is that it helps her gauge if the kids are grasping what they learn, and lets her know if she should repeat any concepts or slow down the pace etc. I love that idea of using homework (and tests) as a feedback loop. Her school also specifically tells parent not to get involved unless the child asks for clarifications. This also helps the homework serve as a mini-token of responsibility and self-management… which is all good in my book.

I love how every time this discussion comes up, we come at it from such opposite perspectives 🙂

May 16, 2016 at 10:14 pm

I think one of the trickiest things in parenting is realizing people can do the opposite of what you do and still not be wrong. We’re all so vulnerable in this area that people get defensive fast! I love that you are so thoughtful with every response, and that there is more than one way to be right. And I keep coming back here because I feel it’s a safe place to voice a different perspective without people taking it as a challenge to their own parenting decisions. That’s a rare and wonderful thing and you should be proud of this site. (For that and many reasons!)

May 16, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Thanks, Korinthia. I needed to hear that today (for a reason unrelated to this site and the comments here). And of course I lapped up the compliments about the site too. I never tire of that 🙂

And you stretch my thinking more than anyone I know and I learnt a lot about writing responses from studying your responses… so thanks right back at ya!

May 16, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Hi Korintha,

You’re right that we can use homework as a valuable learning experience. For years my older daughter (now 11) has ‘hoped’ for straight As, but hasn’t achieved them. She’s getting better for years she did the bare minimum with homework, and did it rather … messily too! While I don’t push her too much, I do make the point that A grades are the result of hard work. They’re achievable for anyone who puts in the effort – including her. But getting As means you’ve done the best you possible can, almost all the time.

It doesn’t stop her hoping every time her report comes home, but she knows she can set goals and strive to meet them (they’re just usually in non-academic areas!).

Anyway, your point about homework being a mutli-faceted learning opportunity is a great one. 😉

May 17, 2016 at 7:27 am

Grades are a weird measure of things, though, because they aren’t universal. Does getting an A mean it’s the best you as an individual can do, even if it’s not great? Does getting an A mean there is some objective level of excellence that few people can reach? Does getting an A mean the grade was on a curve and you are simply the best in this particular crowd? A’s on a single report card can mean all of those things or none of them.

I remember in college I was upset one semester because my perfect 4.0 was marred by a B in tennis which I was simply taking for fun. I felt I should get an A for showing up and doing my best every time. Apparently the teacher had a different measure. And how do you grade music (which was my major)? One person can play every note perfectly and leave you feeling cold with their performance, and another can make mistakes but be electrifying. In orchestra it was pure participation–you started with an A and every class you missed you went down one letter grade. The A says nothing about if you did well or even improved. (You could get worse and still get an A.) When I was in 6th grade I used to alternate between A’s and failing grades in reading based on if I handed in the book reports. Those grades said nothing about my reading ability.

Grades do say something, but I’m skeptical about what. And every time I get worried about grades I remember my grandma telling me that nobody ever asked her her GPA once she graduated. No one has ever asked me mine, either. People only care what I can actually do, and that I try to prove every day, and that’s what I tell my kids to aim for. They may or may not get the grades they deserve to reflect that, but they need to mentally grade themselves to stay honest.

May 20, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Your points are spot on, as always. Grades are an arbitrary measure.

I think it’s far more important that my daughter is satisfied that she’s done her best, and that she’s proud of her efforts. Having said that, I do think it’s useful to learn that you can set goals and strive towards them.

Arbitrary or not, we spend most of our lives being assessed. Either at school or university or in the workplace. It’s usually one person’s opinion of certain traits or activities, and it’s often arbitrary.

Whilst I’ve certainly been the victim of a manager who’s had their own agenda – and rated me accordingly – I think that’s the exception. I also think it’s important that my kids feel that they have some control over the assessment. If they put in greater time and effort, they will usually get greater results.

It’s important to know that grades and assessments are only one person’s opinion and that they may be flawed. That is, we need to keep it in perspective. But given we’ll have these assessments throughout our lives, we need to learn to feel we have some control over them and we need to learn how to handle them. How to digest them, how to cope with them, and how to use them too.

It’s a complicated, complex, multi-faceted issue! And I certainly appreciate your perspective. Thanks for commenting 😉

June 29, 2024 at 8:44 pm

I played table tennis once a week in order to keep fit. I also had to assist with the gardening and cooking. At only five years old I had to learn five new simple numbers and words each week. At Christmas we went to a local church. There were many family beach picnics. Best wishes. My parents loved to recite four line poems each night at bedtime.

As a entire family we played table tennis early on a Saturday afternoon once a week. I was expected to know first aid and learn how to fix a broken down car. Once a year we grew a pumpkin at home. On the warm beach we sang and read storybooks. And we went on Sunday nature walks. I even did the food shop and mastered the rather basic one times table in addition. I learnt how to cook, prepare a hot cocoa plus make the beds.

On a weekly trip to a farm shop at a nearby garden centre I had to count up or down in fives. I had a short numbered list of things to buy. I had to teach myself to play the guitar and how to use a camera. That was fun.

At home I washed the car and babysat at church. Other activities and skills included washing up and making bookmarks. On family days out we soaked up the sun on a cycling trip or a walk. We did woodland walks. I learned how to prepare a entire tray of scones and tasty biscuits. I also discovered how to make cakes and identify the trees and flowers.

May 17, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Thanks for this article! We are in our last week of kindergarten homework before the summer hits. That first sentence! So funny and spot on. Like “where are you going sit back down!” I find my self saying frequently. My son gets a packet of homework on Monday that he has to complete and turn in by Friday. I like the idea of using the timer! I’m not sure about play before homework.. I see the need for a break. My issue is that after eating and a play break its already so late then he’s not focused because he’s just getting tired. Also other than getting a 5 year old to focus on homework is doing the homework correctly. He will speed through it sometimes brag about how many pages he completed but he sometimes just writes down whatever to make it look like its complete! This has been driving me crazy, I have to erase so much! I’m trying to find the balance between getting him to work independently and me sitting there for every question. They do homework time in after school too and this is also when he makes it look like he’s doing homework and sometimes just draws pictures on the back of his homework pages. I think the amount of homework for kindergarten is a bit much, but I don’t think that not doing it is an option. I want to encourage him and be proud of him for completing his homework and also try to only let him play on the tablet after the whole packet is done… which also kinda leads to him speeding through it. Ugh and this is just year ONE! OMG!

May 18, 2016 at 3:57 am

Hi Amber, You’re right – you need to find what works for you. And if your kids are in after school care, it’s a bit too late to get them to concentrate when you get home. When I get my kids home it’s nearly 6pm, and there’s no way I can get them to focus on homework.

I’m lucky that I have two days a week where I don’t work late, so they are our ‘homework days’. The other option for us is to do a few minutes in the morning, before school, when the girls are fresh. Of course, this depends on what mornings look like in your house.

You say you want to be proud of him, but it’s also important that he’s proud of himself. That’s why I often ask my girls if they’re proud of their homework. It’s a great technique to get them to reflect on their efforts. 🙂

January 23, 2018 at 9:41 pm

Thanks for the tips for getting kids to do homework better. My son struggles with math, and he never wants to do his homework. I really like your idea to set a timer. That way, he knows exactly how long he needs to work before he can take a break to play. We will definitely give this a try.

April 7, 2018 at 9:49 am

Yes!! I totally agree with Korinthia! I have 5 kids from high school to a 2 yr. Old and it frustrates us as a family when we cannot take a walk, go out and play, or do any sports or extracurricular activity or even help with dinner because they have so much homework! How can kids get their 60 min. Of physical activity or eat healthier or spend time with family if we barely have time to eat a rushed meal to do homework? Including on weekends and vacation!

July 16, 2018 at 6:07 am

Homework is one word that makes every school child – and many parents – cringe. Follow these handy tips, and soon, homework related tension will become a thing of the past. https://www.parentcircle.com/article/exclusive-tips-to-make-homework-easy-for-your-child/

August 8, 2018 at 3:21 am

Awesome post!!! Homework is very important for students to get great results in academic. It is also essential to complete your homework on time. Thanks for sharing this information.

September 4, 2018 at 12:25 am

Good tips and very informative. Homework is a very important thing to get good grades n academic. Today, Focus on Homework is very essential. So, Students must do homework on time.

June 24, 2019 at 6:52 pm

October 15, 2019 at 7:55 am

It’s really useful tips for many parents and their kids. I think that right focus on homework is an important part to stay productive for a whole year in school.

January 7, 2020 at 11:13 am

Learning to focus is extremely important especially with the distractions that surrounds us in today’s world. Your article has been tremendously helpful and I am grateful so Thank you for sharing .

September 30, 2020 at 5:13 am

Nice!! I agree with the fine parent/this website.I tried all of them and almost all of them worked.Keep it up.👍👌👋

January 14, 2022 at 6:55 am

Nice tips, I’ll be sure to remember them. So I can try them out when I become a parent. Or I could just tell some parents around me.

May 27, 2024 at 7:54 am

Thank you for such great tips and ideas. I even enjoy and get inspired from reading the comments! I will be passing this article on to my friends with kids! It is definitely a life saver!

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Home > Blog > Tips for Online Students > The Pros and Cons of Homework

School Life Balance , Tips for Online Students

The Pros and Cons of Homework

Updated: July 16, 2024

Published: January 23, 2020

Remember those nights when you’d find yourself staring at a mountain of homework, eyes drooping, wondering if you’d ever see the light at the end of the tunnel? The debate over homework’s role in education is as old as time. Is it a crucial tool for reinforcing learning or just an unnecessary burden?

For college students, this question takes on new dimensions. Juggling homework with the endless amount of classes, part-time jobs, and social lives can feel like walking on thin ice. The pressure to maintain grades, meet deadlines, and still find time for friends and relaxation can be overwhelming. So, is homework a friend or foe?

Photo by  energepic.com  from  Pexels

The homework dilemma.

A large amount of college students report feeling overwhelmed by their academic workload, leading to high levels of stress and anxiety. According to Research.com , 45% of college students in the U.S. experience “more than average” stress, with 36.5% citing stress as a major impediment to their academic performance. This stress often stems directly from the homework load, leading to symptoms like headaches, exhaustion, and difficulty sleeping. The intense pressure to manage homework alongside other responsibilities makes us question the true impact of homework on students’ overall well-being.

And then there’s the digital twist. A whopping 89% of students confessed to using AI tools like ChatGPT for their assignments. While these tools can be a godsend for quick answers and assistance, they can also undermine the personal effort and critical thinking necessary to truly understand the material.

On the brighter side, homework can be a powerful ally. According to Inside Higher Ed , structured assignments can actually help reduce stress by providing a clear learning roadmap and keeping students engaged with the material. But where’s the balance between helpful and harmful? 

With these perspectives in mind, let’s dive into the pros and cons of homework for college students. By understanding both sides, we can find a middle ground that maximizes learning while keeping stress at bay.

The Pros of Homework

When thoughtfully assigned, homework can be a valuable tool in a student’s educational journey . Let’s explore how homework can be a beneficial companion to your studies:

Enhances Critical Thinking

Homework isn’t just busywork; it’s an opportunity to stretch your mental muscles. Those late-night problem sets and essays can actually encourage deeper understanding and application of concepts. Think of homework as a mental gym; each assignment is a new exercise, pushing you to analyze, synthesize, and evaluate information in ways that strengthen your critical thinking skills .

Time Management Skills

Do you ever juggle multiple deadlines and wonder how to keep it all together? Regular homework assignments can be a crash course in time management . They teach you to prioritize tasks, manage your schedule, and balance academic responsibilities with personal commitments. The ability to juggle various tasks is a skill that will serve you well beyond your college years.

Reinforcement of Learning

There’s a reason why practice makes perfect. Homework reinforces what you’ve learned in class, helping to cement concepts and theories in your mind. Understanding a concept during a lecture is one thing, but applying it through homework can deepen your comprehension and retention. 

Preparation for Exams

Think of homework as a sound check and warm-up for exams. Regular assignments keep you engaged with the material, making it easier to review and prepare when exam time rolls around. By consistently working through problems and writing essays, you build a solid foundation that can make the difference between cramming and confident exam performance.

Encourages Independent Learning

Homework promotes a sense of responsibility and independence. It pushes you to tackle assignments on your own, encouraging problem-solving and self-discipline. This independence prepares you for the academic challenges ahead and the autonomy required in your professional and personal life.

The Cons of Homework

Despite its potential benefits, homework can also have significant downsides. Let’s examine the challenges and drawbacks of homework:

Impact on Mental Health

Homework can be a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health . While it’s meant to reinforce learning, the sheer volume of assignments can lead to stress and anxiety. The constant pressure to meet deadlines and the fear of falling behind can create a relentless cycle of stress. Many students become overwhelmed, leading to burnout and negatively impacting their overall well-being. 

Limited Time for Other Activities

College isn’t just about hitting the books. It’s also a time for personal growth, exploring new interests, and building social connections. Excessive homework can eat into the time you might otherwise spend on extracurricular activities, hobbies, or simply hanging out with friends. This lack of balance can lead to a less fulfilling college experience. Shouldn’t education be about more than just academics?

Quality Over Quantity

When it comes to homework, more isn’t always better. Piling on assignments can lead to diminished returns on learning. Instead of diving deep into a subject and gaining a thorough understanding, students might rush through tasks just to get them done. This focus on quantity over quality can undermine the educational value of homework. 

Inequity in Education

Homework can sometimes exacerbate educational inequalities. Not all students can access the same resources and support systems at home. While some might have a quiet space and access to the internet, others might struggle with distractions and lack of resources. This disparity can put certain students at a disadvantage, making homework more of a burden than a learning tool. 

Dependence on AI Tools

With the advent of AI tools like ChatGPT , homework has taken on a new dimension. While these tools can provide quick answers and assistance, they also pose the risk of students becoming overly reliant on technology. This dependence can take away from the actual learning process, as students might bypass the critical thinking and effort needed to truly understand the material. Is convenience worth the potential loss in learning?

Finding the Balance

Finding the right balance with homework means tackling assignments that challenge and support you. Instead of drowning in a sea of tasks, focus on quality over quantity. Choose projects that spark your critical thinking and connect to real-world situations. Flexibility is key here. Recognize that your circumstances are unique, and adjusting your approach can help reduce stress and create a more inclusive learning environment. Constructive feedback makes homework more than just a chore; it turns it into a tool for growth and improvement.

It’s also about living a well-rounded college life. Don’t let homework overshadow other important parts of your life, like extracurricular activities or personal downtime. Emphasize independent learning and use technology wisely to prepare for future challenges. By balancing thoughtful assignments with your personal needs, homework can shift from being a burden to becoming a helpful companion on your educational journey, enriching your academic and personal growth.

Homework has its pros and cons, especially for college students. It can enhance critical thinking, time management, and learning, but it also brings stress, impacts mental health, and can become overwhelming. Finding the right balance is key. 

Focus on quality assignments, maintain flexibility, and make sure your homework complements rather than dominates your life. With a thoughtful approach, homework can support your educational journey, fostering both academic success and personal growth.

How can I manage my time effectively to balance homework and other activities?

Create a schedule that allocates specific times for homework, classes, and personal activities. Use planners or digital calendars to keep track of deadlines and prioritize tasks. Don’t forget to include breaks to avoid burnout.

How can I reduce the stress associated with homework?

To manage stress, practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises. Break assignments into smaller, manageable tasks and tackle them one at a time. If needed, seek support from classmates, tutors, or mental health professionals.

Is using AI tools for homework cheating?

While AI tools like ChatGPT can be helpful for quick assistance, relying on them too much can hinder your learning process. Use them as a supplement rather than a replacement for your own effort and critical thinking.

How can teachers make homework more equitable?

Teachers can offer flexible deadlines, provide resources for students who lack them, and design assignments that account for different learning styles and home environments. Open communication between students and teachers can also help address individual challenges.

What are some strategies to make homework more meaningful?

Focus on quality over quantity by designing assignments that encourage deep thinking and application of knowledge. Integrate real-world problems to make homework more relevant and engaging. Provide constructive feedback to help students learn and grow from their assignments.

In this article

At UoPeople, our blog writers are thinkers, researchers, and experts dedicated to curating articles relevant to our mission: making higher education accessible to everyone. Read More

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The Best Discipline Strategies for School-Aged Kids

• Common Challenges
• Effective Discipline Strategies
• Preventing Future Problems
• Communication Tips

As your child ages, effective discipline tactics and behavior challenges don't change as much as you might expect. However, you'll want to tailor your approach to suit your growing child. Your 6-, 7-, 8-, and 9-year-old is no longer a little kid, but they still need guidance, supervision, love, and limits.

Along with growing skills and autonomy , you may also experience more conflict and a testing of limits that can be very frustrating. Using these discipline strategies for school-age kids can help remove the power struggle and build better relationships between kids and parents.

Parents / Emily Roberts

Common School-Age Behavior Challenges

Don’t be surprised if your 6-, 7-, 8-, and 9-year-old child suddenly refuses to turn off the TV, do their homework, or clear the dishes when you ask them to. Defiant behavior is common among children at this stage as they become more articulate and able to express their thoughts.

If your child has siblings, you may notice arguments happening between them during these years. They may even compete with each other and for their parent's attention.

School-age children may challenge rules and limits. They may become argumentative and competitive. They may lie to get out of trouble or avoid embarrassment, and they may postpone, ignore, dawdle, or complain when requests are made of them.

Effective Discipline Strategies for School-Age Kids

Disciplining your 6- to 9-year-old can be tricky, especially as kids of this age can become expert negotiators and button-pushers. However, keeping consistent limits, expectations, and schedules can help to provide an effective environment for your child and family to thrive. Consider these tried and true strategies for disciplining school-aged children.

Focus on good behavior

If you find yourself constantly chastising your child for things like tracking mud into the house, not completing their homework, or forgetting to make their bed, it may help to flip your language and focus on the positives instead. Praise them for what you see that you like or even the effort to follow your directions, even if it doesn't always end up going perfectly.

"Whatever you focus on is what you get more of," explains Heather Wallace, a Love and Logic parenting facilitator, certified pediatric sleep consultant, and the owner of BraveHeart Consulting . "When you describe the positive behaviors that you notice in a nonjudgmental way, your child will know the exact behavior you are looking for."

They want to please you and letting them know what you want them to do sets them up for success.

You may need to remind your child a few times until they get the hang of any new expectations. Let them know that you notice their success. A little bit of praise can truly go a long way.

Use time-out

Time-out isn't just for toddler discipline . However, it looks a little different as kids mature into their school years. For little ones, time-out is a quick punishment tool, but for older kids, it should be a cool-off period.

"When your child is upset, they cannot reason or process language , explanations, or consequences," says Wallace. "Therefore, it is very important that both you and your child are calm before you address the behavior. In order to get there, you or your child might need a time-out."

Sending your child to their room for a few minutes can help them deescalate their emotions so that they're mentally ready to have a discussion about their behavior and make better choices moving forward.

Talking briefly about what they did wrong and why it's not permitted can be very helpful with school-age kids. Unlike toddlers, these children have developed a good understanding of moral reasoning.

Make enforceable statements

Power struggles are common with school-aged kids, who are asserting their burgeoning independence. While you're probably proud that your child can tie their own shoes , ride a bike, and make themselves a simple meal, you may be frustrated when they refuse to clean their room or do their homework.

Avoid the power struggle by telling kids what they can do, rather than what they can't. For example, "Feel free to play baseball with your friends as soon as your room is clean," works so much better than, "Clean your room or you can't play baseball!"

Following through is vital when it comes to statements like these. "When parents' actions match their words, children are comforted, as there doesn't need to be a guessing game as to what will happen next," explains Wallace.

Provide logical consequences

Discipline is all about teaching kids how to behave. Often, punishments don't achieve that goal. If your child sneaks extra iPad time late at night and the consequence is that they can't have dessert the following evening, you'll most likely end up with a child who is angry at you, but likely to sneak the iPad again if they think they won't be caught.

Instead, calmly let your child know that you'll have to take their iPad away for a while because they broke the rules. They are more likely to change their behavior in the future if the consequence is directly related to the offense. Unrelated consequences are more likely to make kids feel confused, defensive, and wronged.

"Logical consequences are powerful because it allows there to be a lesson without shame or anger so that the child does not revert to fight or flight and is able to truly learn from the consequence," notes Wallace.

Allow for natural consequences

It's often said that experience is the best teacher, and whenever it's safe to do so, it can help to leverage this concept. For example, if your 9-year-old doesn’t pack their snack for the park when you tell them, the consequence is they won’t have a snack to eat. Feeling a little hungry or disappointed may help them remember to pack a snack in the future more than your constant reminders.

"When a child experiences the effects of a choice they made, it stands out in their brain and they will be able to recall it when they need to make a decision next time," explains Wallace.

Natural consequences promote learning very effectively. However, it's important to prioritize your child's safety. When a natural consequence is unsafe, use a logical consequence instead.

Disipline vs. Punishment

Punishments focus on imposing negative consequences for your child's actions while discipline helps to teach better choices and shape their behavior in a logical, positive way.

Create a token economy system

If your child is really struggling with a behavior, such as lying consistently about getting their homework done or getting into frequent fights at school, it can help to set goals together and use positive reinforcement . Rewarding improvement is an effective motivator for many kids.

First, investigate possible reasons for the behavior and provide any necessary interventions. Maybe your child is really struggling with a certain math concept and they need extra support so that they can be successful. Maybe your child is being bullied and they are retaliating. In this case, the bullying needs to be addressed.

Next, set a goal, such as completing all homework assignments for a week straight or maintaining self-control for three consecutive days. Make sure the goal is specific and attainable.

Chart the goal in some way, and establish a simple token economy system that allows your child to earn chips or tokens. A small jar of marbles to fill up works well. Allow kids to exchange tokens for privileges, like time on electronics or an opportunity to go on a special outing.

Preventing Future Problems for School-Age Kids

Not all behavioral problems can be prevented. However, there are ways to encourage good behavior in your school-aged child and minimize acting out.

Connect with your child

If your child is misbehaving, they may be trying to communicate something to you. Kids don't always know how to identify or express their emotional needs. Try to be a detective of sorts. If your child just started a new school, they may be struggling with the transition and need reassurance. If your child feels lonely, they may be misbehaving to get your attention.

Spending quality time with your child can prevent behavior problems. It may help to set aside a few minutes each day to give your child your undivided attention. You might play a game, talk about your day, or play catch. By giving your child plenty of positive attention, you'll reduce attention-seeking behaviors. Moreover, your child will be more inclined to want to follow your rules.

Keep an eye on academics

Pay attention to your child's homework load. Some behavior problems may stem from a child's frustration over not understanding the work.

Help your child establish good habits that will help them be successful at school. Create a homework area, designate a homework time, and stay on top of your child's progress.

Address minor concerns through after-school time with a teacher or tutor. More significant concerns may lead to a diagnosis of a mental health issue such as ADHD  or a  learning disability  such as dyslexia.

Use an authoritative approach

Parents are most effective when they are neither authoritarian (unquestionable) nor permissive (have no expectations). Research shows an  authoritative approach to parenting leads to the most successful outcomes in children. With this parenting style , you remain warm and supportive while also enforcing reasonable rules.

Establish high expectations for your child but give plenty of support and warmth. Instead of letting them stay up past their bedtime because they're having so much fun, kindly enforce bedtime and remind them that sleep is important for learning and mood.

Validate feelings and show empathy, but establish clear rules and give consequences when those rules are broken.

Communication Tips for School-Age Kids

Developing productive, positive communication with your child is key to gaining compliance. Rather than drawn-out conversations that shame your child for misbehaving, aim for brief chats about how to make better choices. It's important to leave space for feelings and questions. It's the behavior that needs to change, not your child's emotions.

Model a respectful, calm tone when you talk with your child. They'll be looking to you to learn how to deal with emotions and difficult social situations, so it’s important to stay calm when you’re communicating.

Problem-solve together

When your child exhibits specific unacceptable behaviors, sit down with them and problem-solve the issue together. School-age kids can be very honest about what would help resolve the problem. For example, if they repeatedly forget to bring things to school, ask questions like, "What would help you remember?"

Give the reason for the rule

Provide a simple explanation for the reasons behind your rules. Talk about safety, health, morals, caring for your community, or social etiquette. Then, your child will understand you aren’t simply trying to make their life miserable, but instead, you want the best for them.

Stay calm, yet firm

It can be very frustrating when your child misbehaves, but staying calm helps your child stay calm, too. It also helps them stay in a frame of mind where they are able to listen to you and learn to correct their behavior.

Calm doesn't mean permissive, however. You want your child to understand that you mean what you say, and you will enforce it. It's possible to be both calm and firm at the same time.

Validate feelings

If your child is unhappy that screen time lasts only 60 minutes per day or that they're not allowed to go on sleepovers (after they broke a rule at the last one), that's understandable. Allow your child to express their disappointment. Teach your child that feelings are OK . It’s what they do with those feelings that matter. Encourage kids to express themselves in healthy ways, such as drawing, talking, or writing.

School-age children are becoming more mature and developing more independence. However, they're still young and need plenty of parental guidance. Using a calm, caring, logical approach works best. Kids who feel heard are more receptive to adults and more confident. If you have any questions or concerns about your school-age child's behavior, reach out to their health care provider.

Effective discipline to raise healthy children .  Pediatrics . 2018.

How to shape and manage your young child's behavior . American Academy of Pediatrics . 2018.

Parenting styles . American Psychological Association . 2018.

Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept .  J Child Fam Stud . 2019.

Components of good communication . American Academy of Pediatrics . 2023.

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Homework and the Myth of Responsibility

Adult reasons for assigning homework vary, but one big one that always comes up is this: Responsibility. "The purpose of homework is to teach students to be responsible as well as reinforcing school curriculum," quote many well-meaning grown-ups, teachers and parents alike.

As for reinforcing school curriculum, the value of that is highly age-dependent as you will read in my book It's OK to Go Up the Slide . If you're looking for academic benefit, a good night's sleep is far more important. And for kids in elementary school, the academic benefit of homework has no statistical significance.

But responsibility? The myth that homework teaches responsibility stubbornly persists. We don't need homework to teach children responsibility. Responsibility is part of life-long growth.

Responsibility is bringing your lunch box home.

Responsibility is feeding the cat.

Responsibility is making your bed each day.

Responsibility is putting on your own coat, even if you're two.

Responsibility is writing thank you notes.

Responsibility is watering the neighbor's plants.

Responsibility is leaving a note if you go for a bike ride.

Responsibility is cleaning out your backpack after school.

Responsibility is putting an apple core in the compost.

Responsibility is getting out the broom when you spill something.

Responsibility is making your own sandwich and pouring your own milk.

Responsibility is remembering to tell dad that Grandma called.

Responsibility is vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, and setting the table.

Responsibility is admitting you're the one who knocked over the plant.

Responsibility is remembering where you put your coat at recess.

Responsibility is bringing two mittens home.

Responsibility is part of learning independence and is interwoven into every day family life. There is also school responsibility - how we take care of the classroom, putting up chairs, cleaning up, using supplies wisely, cleaning the class guinea pig cage.

Responsibility is everywhere. It's up to us to make it age-appropriate. For elementary-aged children, homework is not a responsible use of their time.

In fact, how homework is done often produces the OPPOSITE of responsibility. Homework is assigned too young - often in preschool and kindergarten - so children can't even read the assignments and need adult help and involvement in every step (including remembering). This sets up a years-long struggle between parents and children which involves nagging, procrastinating, and tears. The pattern is set: parents as the Homework Patrol Cops and children as the Avoiders. When children are finally old enough for some meaningful homework (mostly high school, a little practice in 7th & 8th grade), doing and remembering to do homework should be the child's full responsibility.

But for now, start by feeding the cat and remembering to bring home those mittens.

Want to read more? It's OK Not to Share dives into homework and examines its purported benefits and the negative effects it can have for children and families. If your family is struggling with homework, learn more about the research and gain sane, sensible ways to opt out.

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Using rules for discipline that works, the benefits of rules.

• Two Types of Rules
• What to Consider when Setting Rules
• What to Do When Children Don’t Follow a Rule

A Common Scenario

Recently, a parent at one of our programs, who was very frustrated after a recent visit to a family friend, recounted:

“Last week we took our four-year-old Jessie and six-year-old Alexia to our friend’s house. She specifically asked us to bring the kids since she hadn’t seen them in a long time.  While we were there, they behaved very badly.  About an hour into the visit, they started going through my friend’s cabinets, pulling things out so they could see better what was inside each.  They took food from the refrigerator without asking.  And they created a mess and wouldn’t clean up after themselves.  They didn’t even properly thank our friend when we left.    My husband and I were so frustrated and embarrassed and angry with them that we said we would take away television for the next three months!”

One of the things that this parent eventually came to realize was that Jessie and Alexia had not been told in advance of the visit how they should behave when they were in someone else’s house. 

This is a perfect example of how having rules in place would have been very helpful.   

The Basics of Rules

Without clearly communicated rules, chaos can reign.

Parents can resist setting rules based on strong reactions they have from their own childhoods. 

If you were more on the rebellious end of things, you may find rules to be restrictive.  You may immediately think of ways to get around the rules, and as a parent, may chafe at the idea of having to set such limits for your children.

Conversely, if you were a more rule-abiding child, you may find it difficult to understand why your own children do not obey the rules and why it can be such a struggle to get them to respect authority.

Rules do have an important place in your parenting arsenal.  

Rules help you to:

maintain a calm environment.

be ACTIVE leaders in your  home rather than  REACTIVE. Because rules are pre-set, they force you to decide what is important to you.

provide structure for your family, which helps your children feel safe and cared for.

instill in your children some of the long-term traits you would like them to have, such as being:

Independent

Respectful of self and others

Loving and caring

Appreciative and grateful

Empathic and generous

Able to solve problems

pass on your values to your children. The things you make rules about indicate what you feel is important.

let children know what you expect and, thereby, enables them eventually to monitor their own behavior.

Setting Standards

Rules are an important element in raising children to become responsible by creating structure and imparting your values.  They set standards, hold children accountable, let them know how they are expected to behave, and typically have consequences for compliance and non-compliance. 

By expecting children to live up to your expectations, you show them that they are capable, which in turn, builds their self-esteem.  

Building Trust

By pre-thinking the behaviors you want to see and by clearly communicating your desires, you can build trust with your children and a sense of security in them. When there is a problem, rules can help you to alter the behavior, while preserving your relationship, which is the foundation of all parenting.

Ultimately, your goal is to raise children who are independent, responsible individuals who can create lasting relationships and contribute to society. The rules you set in your family should help you to assist your children to reach this goal.  

Using rules can help you to maintain your children’s self-esteem and your connection with them even as you discipline them.

Rules can be made about different topics :

Read the following comments made by a child and how the parent responded using a rule about values such as respecting people and property and helping others.

Child : “I don’t want to help deliver this dinner to your friend.  I don’t care that she just broke her leg. I want to have a play date.”

Parent : “In our family, we help those in need.”

Child : “I don’t want to give some of my allowance to charity.”

Parent : “In our family, we help those in need.  You must give a small portion of your allowance to charity.”

Rules can also be made around health issues, such as the food you eat, exercise, and sleep. Again, see how this parent talked to her child about health rules.

Child : “Why do I have to go to bed so early?  You get to stay up late.”

Parent : “We need to take care of our bodies.  When you are older, you can stay up later.”

Child : (ON THE VERGE OF A TEMPER TANTRUM) “ I want to buy this candy.  I have the money.  You are so mean.”

Parent : “We need to take care of our bodies.  Candy will not help you to grow strong and healthy.”

Possessions

This parent used rules about possessions, such as putting away items. For example:

Child : “Mom, I’ll clean up my Legos later.  Just push them to the side on the floor.”

Parent : “ In our family, we take care of our possessions.   Clean up your Legos now before pieces get lost or broken.”

Child : “I left my jacket outside at Billy’s house.  Oh well.  You can buy me a new one.”

Parent : “In our family, we take care of our possessions.  You can either call Billy and ask him to bring your coat inside for you, or we can go over there for you to get it yourself.”

Responsibilities

Here are comments by a parent about responsibilities, such as chores and homework:

Child : “I’ll do my report later.  I want to watch this cartoon now.”

Parent : “In our family, you need a plan for getting your work done before you can play.   What is your plan?”

Child : “Yeah, yeah.  I’ll take the trash out later.”

Parent : “ In our family, you need a plan for getting your chores done before you can go and play.   What is your plan?”

You may have noticed, the parent used the same general rule in various scenarios.  It is better to have fewer, more general rules than to have lots of specific rules.  It is easier for your children and for you to remember the more general rules. 

Also, many parents complain that their children are like “little attorneys,” finding loopholes in the rules. It is harder to fight general principles.

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Two Types of Rules: Non-negotiable and Negotiable Rules

Non-negotiable rules.

When you set a non-negotiable rule, you are setting the rule without any discussion.  These are rules that you insist upon.   Parents quite naturally set non-negotiable rules when it comes to safety – you don’t ask your children if they want to use a car-seat, you tell them they have to. 

Non-negotiable rules teach children eventually how to keep themselves safe because over time, they begin to use these rules on their own without your having to monitor them.

Other examples of non-negotiable rules include:

“You must wear your helmet when riding your bike.” “You may not cross the street by yourself.” “You must be home by 5:00 pm.” “Bedtime is at 8:00 pm.”

The younger the child, the more you need to set these non-negotiable rules.  As your children mature, you hand over more of the power for self-governing to them and they can have more of a say.

Negotiable Rules

Use negotiable rules to allow children to have input, keeping in mind their age and maturity level so that the amount and type of input is appropriate. 

Negotiable rules teach children to think and give them practice in making decisions.   They learn to advocate for themselves, express their ideas, and develop arguments for what they want. 

For example, if a growing child feels that an 8 PM bedtime is too early, you can ask him why he thinks so, what time he thinks makes sense, how he plans to handle getting up on time in the morning, etc. 

As children mature and are able to handle more control over their lives, more and more areas become negotiable.  

Parents often create negotiable rules around the following issues

Bedtimes: “Let’s decide together what bedtime should be on the weekends.”

Snack choices: “We can talk about what snacks you would like in your lunchbox.”

Chores: “ Here is a list of chores that need to be done. You can choose 2 that you are willing to do.”

Clothing: “What do you need to buy to wear to school this year?  Here is a budget you can work with.”

Children’s Self-Esteem Rises

Children’s self-esteem increases as they see that their parents are willing to consider their input and their ideas. 

Their cooperation usually increases as they have a say in the rules.  They are less likely to resist and there is less conflict in the home when children are involved in the decision about the rule.

It’s and Art, Not a Science

It is an art to decide when a rule can be negotiable.  It depends on the child’s maturity level, judgment, and history with being able to handle increased responsibility.  

At certain times in development, such as adolescence, parents may need to reign children in by switching back to a non-negotiable rule if that is what it takes to keep their children safe and to instill their values.

For example, computer or cell phone access and curfew are all areas where you may hand-off the baton, but if your children are unable to handle the freedom, you may need to retake control of the baton and set non-negotiable rules.

Remember that just because a child wants to re-negotiate a rule, you don’t have to change it, and that you can use the opportunity to teach your child about compromise and negotiation.

Furthermore, what is negotiable in one family may be non-negotiable in another and not important enough in a third family to even have a rule about it.

For example:

Family #1 – Negotiable: “Let’s discuss when you should do your homework: right after school or after dinner.” Family #2 – Non- negotiable: “The rule in our family is homework must be done before dinner.” Family #3 – No rule: “You decide when you do your homework.”

Another example:

Family  # 1 – Negotiable: “Let’s come up with a plan that we can all agree to about bringing food into the family room.” Family #2 – Non-negotiable: “All food is to be eaten in the kitchen.” Family #3 – No rule: “You decide where you want to eat.”

Seven Key Elements to Consider when Setting Rules

Be clear yourself about the rules you want..

This refers to being clear about your values and what you consider important.  Do you really care about this behavior enough to follow through?  If you don’t care enough or have the energy to follow through, perhaps this rule isn’t important enough to keep as a rule.  

Communicate the rule before you enforce it.

What is expected, when, by whom?  Sometimes you realize that a rule needs to be in place only as something goes wrong.  

Whenever possible, let your children know beforehand what the rule is going to be and how you intend to enforce it.  Sometimes you may assume your children know what the rule is, but they don’t – it is important to be clear with them. 

And it is helpful if possible for the consequences to be known in advance.  

Decide if the rule is reasonable.

Does it take into account your child’s age, maturity level, temperament, and abilities?  As you decide on the rules and their consequences, you need to remember that fair does not always mean equal.  

Assess whether the rule is enforceable.

As parents, you can hope to guide and direct your children, but your control is incomplete. 

For example, wanting your children to eat a healthy lunch at school can be a guideline, but not a rule since you will not be there to supervise. Similarly, you can have a rule in your home, such as “No ‘R-rated’ movies;” however, you cannot hold your children to that standard when they are in someone else’s home.

  What can you do if you cannot enforce the rule?

You can choose to have the play dates in your home,

you can share your values with the other parents,

you can hope that your children will limit their behavior,

you can let your children know they can always call home if they are uncomfortable with the rules in a home they are visiting.

Be sure that you adhere to the rule.

It is easier to have your children follow the rules if you follow the rule yourself. 

For example, it will be harder to convince your children to clean up their rooms if you do not keep your bedroom or the house in general in good order.

As adults, the rules may look different – you may have more things to keep in place, a later bedtime, or your choice of certain TV or movies.  Adults (and older children) may have certain privileges because of increased maturity and responsibility.

Although it may look different at different ages, the underlying principles can be the same – respecting your possessions, getting enough sleep, and respecting your body.  

Have a plan in place in case the rule is broken.

While it would be nice for your children to follow your rules simply because you have created them, it is unrealistic to expect them to do so.  In part, children test your rules because they need to test the limits.  Sometimes children need to experience the consequences first-hand.  

Consider if you really care enough to follow through.

If you don’t care enough or have the energy to follow through, perhaps this rule isn’t important enough to keep as a rule. 

Since each family has different values and different temperaments, each family will decide which rules they are going to enforce, such as in the earlier examples in deciding when children must do their homework or where they can eat.

It is okay to choose to NOT focus on certain behaviors at certain points in development.  

For example, a child who comes home from school tired and stressed may need to play before he can face his homework.  In that case, the family may choose to put aside their “work before play rule.”

What to Do When Children Don’t Follow a Rule

One question that parents usually ask is “What can I do when my children protest and resist obeying a rule?”

You can state the rule

“The rule in our family is homework before television time.”  

You can repeat the rule

“Remember our rule – Homework gets done before watching television.”  

You can be a broken-record

Continue to repeat the rule: “ Turn off the TV.”  “The TV needs to be off now.”  “Turn off the TV now.”  

You can counter complaints with:

“Nevertheless…”

“That may be….”

“I expect……”

“You need to….”

You can stay on topic

“We aren’t talking about……”

Which leads to the last step:

You can take ACTION

This can include having discussions about inappropriate behavior and what the children can do instead, separating children who are fighting, and imposing consequences such as using time-outs, withdrawing privileges, and having children make amends if someone was hurt by their actions.  

If children are fighting over a toy, you can take the toy away until they decide how to handle the situation. If they are fighting over the TV, you can turn it off. If they don’t put their bicycle in the garage at night, the privilege of riding it can be suspended for a short time. If they don’t complete a chore, then they don’t get to have a play date or other privilege until it is completed.

Throughout, you want to use the simplest and clearest consequences to get your point across.  It is not the severity, but the certainty of the consequence that re-enforces your rules.

A Common Scenario Revisited

The parents in our opening vignette took some time to think about what was important to them when they visit someone’s house. 

Once they were clear about their expectations and what they could reasonably require of their four- and six- year-olds, they decided to teach certain manners, practice using “please and thank-you,” and asking permission before going into other people’s possessions.

Additionally, they showed the kids how they would like to have their grown-up conversation interrupted.

Prior to the next visit, they reviewed with their kids what the family rules were about proper behavior when they are guests in someone else’s home.

They had the girls bring a game so they could have something to keep them occupied.

And finally, the parents limited the length of their visit so they could leave on a high-note – long before the children’s behavior fell apart.

All was not perfect. However, with a few reminders of the rules, the children were able to exhibit the type of behavior and be the kind of guests that the parents had hoped for.  

By establishing firm rules in your home, you can eliminate some of the conflict that occurs as you discipline your children.    The rules also will help you to keep a long-term perspective in mind as you raise your children to become people whom  you will enjoy and respect as adults.

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How to Provide the Discipline that Children Crave

By: Author Dr. Patrick Capriola

Posted on Published: March 17, 2019

Discipline is one of those ideas that everyone understands in concept, but applying it can be tricky. Most parents know the importance of instilling discipline in their child to ensure they grow to be mature and responsible adults. But implementing your ideas on discipline presents a path filled with challenges and traps that can have serious implications for the development of your child and your relationship with them in the future.

Parents need to provide the discipline that children crave. When done properly, discipline will be a key component in how you teach your child responsibility as they grow to become a productive member of society. The manner in which you teach them discipline will be just as important as what you want to teach them.

The old ideas of discipline were designed to generate immediate compliance but were not very effective in changing the behavior patterns of children. When a kid got spanked or paddled they learned more about how to hide their actions from their parents that they learned about the implications of their actions. The physical nature of the consequence also created separation between the parent and the child, further reducing learning and bonding opportunities.

That is one of the worst effects of people misconstruing what discipline should be. Children need close relationships with their parents so they can confide in them when they need their guidance. Discipline based on fear, physical intimidation, or shame does the opposite and chases them away.

Should the Discipline Paddle be Used on Children?

No. There is no research to support using a “discipline paddle” on children. In schools where its use has been studied, it has not been shown to reduce disruption or referrals. In homes where the child discipline paddle is used the child typically develops an ability to hide information from their parents in an effort to avoid an undesirable consequence, but it does not make them change their long-term behavior. Hitting is never the answer.

Why Parents Should Not Hit Their Child

Let’s think about what discipline really is for a moment. Discipline is a set of expectations or actions that allow an individual to regulate themselves. For parents teaching discipline to their child, it can apply to time management, skill development, workload management, motivation, dedication, persistence, awareness, appropriate behavior, self-control, and respect for authority.

Parents often feel a deep responsibility to teach their child discipline and tend to view their shortcomings as a reflection of their own parenting ability. Most times, they are not. The child is just at a particular stage developmentally and simply needs to work through it with parental support. Instead, the parent jumps in and takes action when they should probably step back to assess the situation.

Their shortsightedness puts the issue of the moment over their real vision for the future and implicitly shows their kid that aggression can be used to control the behavior of others. Parents should seek to avoid the temptation to hit.

Your job is to stay focused on your long-term vision for your children so you can manage today’s challenges while simultaneously developing a well-rounded child and your relationship with them along the way. Hitting, yelling, shaming, or intimidating are not effective tools to accomplish these goals. Effective discipline that allows you to raise healthy children is purposeful, loving, and has a long-term vision for the future in mind.

“approach them from a position of love, patience, respect, understanding, kindness, high expectations, strong guidance, and an unwavering commitment to be successful in carrying out your vision together . “

Wrong Way to Discipline a Child

There is an idea floating out there that if we just go back to doing things the way they used to be done that kids will change and respond to authority how they did in the good old days. This view has a bit of nostalgia attached to it. The truth is kids have always been disrespectful, and it has always been the parent’s job to teach them how to conduct themselves. The good news is that we have a better understanding today of how to do that than ever before.

First, let’s talk about the wrong way, starting with physically hitting the child. Spanking, paddling, or other forms of physical harm will not create a child that knows how to handle their emotions or manage challenging situations. All it does is creates a short-term appearance of compliance based on fear. The fright they feel may stay with them for life and there is no clear indication that it really helps them understand their behavior, which is what really makes them want to change.

Children who grow up in homes where they are hit are far more likely to grow into adults that have emotional problems. They are also more likely to be defiant as they grow further into adolescence, making it more probable they will have even more trouble with their parents as well as problems with school officials and law enforcement.

In short, hitting your kids has the exact opposite effect of what you are trying to do in the long run. There are better ways to discipline a child. The alternatives that I am about to present take a long-term view, are harder for parents to implement, and require more patience. They are also far more likely to create well-adjusted young adults who have healthy relationships with themselves and their parents.

What is true about discipline?

• It Should be Age-Appropriate
• It Should Teach Appropriate Behaviors
• It Should be Administered with Love
• It Should Include Praise for When Things are Done Right
• It Should be About an Action or Behavior, Not the Child Themselves
• It Should be Part of a System that Allows Desired Behaviors and Actions to be Practiced and Improved Upon
• It Should Reward Good Behavior
• Physical Punishment is Not Effective

Tips for Effective Child Discipline

The root word for discipline comes from the same place as the word disciple. So, let’s think of healthy discipline through that lens. If you were trying to create a disciple what would you do? Would hitting them or shaming them be effective in persuading them to follow you? Probably not.

What would work is to approach them from a position of love, patience, respect, understanding, kindness, high expectations, strong guidance, and an unwavering commitment to be successful in carrying out your vision together . It works in a very similar way for our kids. We have to be connected to them if we expect them to commit to following us.  

You can create this atmosphere in your home. It’s not easy to do it the right way, but it is worth all the effort. Effective discipline is not about focusing on the actions of the child when they are acting up. It’s about putting systems and boundaries in place that will help them practice the habits you know will make them successful in the long run.

When they make an error or have a lapse in judgment they need to be given time to reflect on their actions. If needed, they should be given a consequence. But everything you do should be purposeful and proactive. If discipline is carried out in a reactionary way it will not create an environment where learning and growth take place over time.

Effective Discipline Should be Age-Appropriate

Like most things in life, you need to consider your audience when disciplining your child. The steps you take to teach a lesson to your toddler will not be the same as what you do for your teenager. They will have different ability levels, and you will have different goals for them.

Early school-age children need clear instructions and time for them to develop and understand what you want them to do. Middle and high school aged children need time to reflect what they did, why they did it, and what the implications of their actions are.

In either case, you need a plan for what you want to see in the future. Systems and processes should be built into how things are done in your home so your child is naturally encouraged to do the right thing by their environment around them. It should also remind them when they don’t through natural consequences.

Effective Discipline Should Teach Appropriate Behaviors

The systems and processes that are put in place should inherently teach appropriate behaviors and the thought processes that go along with them. They should be rooted in routines that allow the child to do things for themselves and modeling that allows them to see how it’s done by the adult. Let’s start with routines.

In my house, for example, every day when we get home my 8-year-old has to feed the dog and do her homework. When she is done, she can play with her sister or play with her toys . There is no screen time allowed during the week. On the weekends we watch one or two movies together and they can play Xbox Kinect games. She knows her routine during the week is to take care of her chores then she can play, and that playing will not involve screen time.

How do routines teach children discipline?

The child learns that they have to handle their business before they get to relax. It’s a very adult lesson, centered on responsibility. It’s also supported by the research. Children who learn delayed gratification and impulse control are far more likely to effectively cope with stress, frustration, and peer relationships as adults later in life.

Routines also teach them prioritization on how to develop healthy habits. Screen time may not be allowed in our house during the week, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get asked about it all the time. We have to be strong and persistent as parents. Our children learn both from our example and from the routine of simply not having a screen available with which to engage. These habits of mind will sink in over time as they realize why we put them in place and help them to make good decisions when they are older.

How Does Modeling Teach Discipline?

Modeling allows you to be the guiding light as your children settle into your routines. If your child is feeding the dog when you get home, they will see you unpacking the lunch bags and putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. You will be sharing time together doing important work around the home.

They will learn that their work is part of a bigger picture of how things are done in your home, and their work plays an important role. Your modeling will teach them to be strong, to be consistent, to be disciplined, and that the work they do in the home in an expression of their love for their family.

Effective Discipline Should be Administered with Love

This one is not as fluffy as it sounds. To administer discipline with love means to be settled when you do it, not fired up. It means you should already have an idea in place of what actions will warrant which disciplinary measure and you will not be reactionary. It means you are putting the needs of the child first with an understanding of where they are developmentally. Consider both consequences for bad behavior and rewards for good behavior.

Consequences should be purposeful. Ask yourself:

• What do you want the child to learn as a result of the consequence?
• How will this particular consequence guide them in that direction?
• Is a consequence even necessary in this situation?
• What are some other methods I could use to help them reflect on their actions and grow?

Be patient as they work towards their new understanding of the situation. It may not happen right away. Just make sure you are moving them forward with love, patience, respect, understanding, kindness, high expectations, strong guidance, and an unwavering commitment to be successful in carrying out your vision together .

Incentives are a great tool to develop a child’s motivation. When you think about it, this is actually a very adult concept. We get performance incentives at work for doing a good job and at home for managing our money well. Why not start teaching kids early on that their performance matters and they have the power to achieve rewards?

Think about what motivates your child and build in some incentives into their lives that will keep them on the track you what them to be on. In my house, I try to make sure the incentives are also productive in some way. I don’t want every incentive to be built around materialism and princesses. I want to teach my daughters that they should strive for good things. In this regard, we tend to focus on experiences.  

Effective Discipline Should Include Praise for When Things are Done Right

Praise is powerful. Your kids want to follow you and they want you to be proud of them. When you praise them you are communicating to them that they have done well. Encouragement is far more likely to create a disciple over physical punishment, fear, or shame.

I’m not saying give them a sticker and tell them how great they are for everything they do. I’m saying that having a system in place that praises good behavior sets up performance incentives for the child to do the right thing. Simple acts of praise will go a long way in communicating what you want to see by reinforcing good behavior. It will also be a big part of the system of support you are putting in place to help your child grow and mature in all areas of their life.

Make sure the praise is specific and rewards their effort. General praise like “good job” is not always that helpful. Instead, if you take some time and bring them over to the side to tell them “I really like how you worked through your algebra homework even though you struggled with it at first”, you will teach them a lot more about themselves and what you want to see from them.

Effective Discipline Should be About an Action or Behavior, Not the Child Themselves

It is important to separate the child out from the behavior they are exhibiting. You don’t want them to think they are a bad kid. You want them to know they can learn, change, and grow. You want to help them see that when they make good choices, things go well. When they make bad choices, things get harder. You want them to believe the choices they make have consequences and if they change their choices then outcomes will change too.

Avoid phrases like “you always do that” or “you never listen”. Whatever it is that a child is going through, it is usually a snapshot in time that will not reflect the person they become as an adult. When you use phrases like that you may encourage the child to think that those behaviors are really a part of who they are when they are just part of the stage they are going through.

Instead, focus on the behavior. If they hit their siblings talk to them about what hitting does to the other person. If it is severe enough, give them a consequence. You should also have them apologize. In our house, we make sure our girls look each other in the eye when they apologize, give a hug, and say “I Love You”. It helps them set the reset button and move on. In this example the child is held accountable, they see the negative impact of their actions, but they are given a quick opportunity for redemption if they do the right thing.

Effective Discipline Should be Part of a System that Allows Desired Behaviors and Actions to be Practiced and Improved Upon

When you think of the word system don’t think of charts and checklists. Think of an ecosystem or a habitat. Think of a culture. What steps do you need to put in place to establish the family culture that you want? How can you turn everything that happens in your house into part of an ecosystem that feeds a bigger purpose?

Remember what I said before. Approach your kids from a position of love, patience, respect, understanding, kindness, high expectations, strong guidance, and an unwavering commitment to be successful in carrying out your vision together . Make sure you are consistent in each of these areas every day.

If you are, you will be laying the groundwork for establishing your family culture. That culture will be the system that keeps your child on track. I can’t tell you what to do for your kids. But I can share what some of our goals are in our home.

• We want our kids to be well-rounded
• We want our kids to be self-sufficient
• We want our kids to be kind
• We want our kids to be comfortable with who they are
• We want our kids to be successful
• We want our kids to enjoy life
• We want to love each other
• We want to like each other

That last part may throw some people off, but I think it’s critical. Let me put it in context. If my 8-year-old doesn’t like me because I don’t let her watch TV during the week that’s OK. Truth is though, that’s not true. She knows that the rules are in place for a reason and she benefits from those rules. We love to be around each other.

I cherish that and I want to grow that sentiment into her adulthood. We want our kids to want to come to visit us when they are adults, not just when they need something but because they want to be around us. We understand that the way we treat them now will greatly influence our relationship together later.

So, we try to take a perspective that will allow us to explain everything we do to the adult version of our kids later. Not because we have to, but because we would want to. We want them to understand why we did things the way we did. If we are fortunate, they may take some of that information as advice and use it for our grandchildren.

Everything you do is part of a larger cycle. Respect the cycle and it will reward you later.

Effective Discipline Should Reward Good Behavior

Rewards are a great tool in promoting discipline. Everyone wants a reward when we accomplish a given task. It may simply be the natural reward of having a clean home or a well-kept yard. Or it may be an incentive that is put in place to encourage performance.

When rewards are used correctly they are helpful tools in pushing our kids to learn responsibility. They communicate that when they do the right thing, good things happen. That’s a healthy lesson to learn. It’s a similar concept to a disciplinary consequence, but with a more positive sentiment. They help to move things in the right direction and make progress towards the goals of both the task and the personal growth of the child.

Which rewards are best for kids?

Simple ideas that can be built into your family culture work the best. Your system will benefit from a set of about a dozen go to rewards that will be just enough for you to mix it up but not too much that your child never gets to repeat the rewards they like best. You can increase or decrease that number as you like.

There are many options out there to choose from. Here are the ones that we like best in our home:

• Game Night (board games or Xbox Kinect)
• Stay Up Late
• Read a Book
• A New Toy or Game (link)
• Going Outside to Play
• Going to the Park
• Inviting a Friend Over
• Going Out for Ice Cream
• Choosing Dinner
• Choosing Dessert
• Sleeping in Their Sleeping Bags

We do not promote rewards that include screen time because that is not a behavior that we want to incentivize. However, in our house, they always pick the movie (with our guidance) anyway.

Physical Punishment is Not Effective Discipline

I cannot emphasize this enough. We all have our moments where we are frustrated and want to lose our cool. In these moments it is very important to take a step back and resist the urge. Whatever it is your child did, you will work with them later and if necessary they will face a consequence.

You don’t need to work with them in the heat of the moment. Physical punishment teaches fear and does not promote the critical thinking processes that you want to instill in your child to ensure they develop into healthy, well-adjusted young adults. Avoid physical punishment .

Final Thoughts

There is so much to know about disciplining our kids, and this article just scratches the surface. When parents do it right, they can be rewarded with children who grow into well-adjusted adults that want to be around them. When it’s not done right, kids are more likely to face mental challenges as they grow older and the relationship they have with their parents are more likely to be strained.

We have a huge responsibility as modern parents. It is no longer socially (and in some places legally) acceptable for parents to just let their kids play outside for hours and hours. That pressure falls back on us, as our kids are with us for much longer periods of time than any generation before. We have to consciously work to develop our patience and understanding as we guide our kids through life in more time and energy intensive ways than parents from previous generations.

Tips for Teachers to Make Classroom Discipline Decisions

• Policies & Discipline
• An Introduction to Teaching
• Tips & Strategies
• Community Involvement
• School Administration
• Technology in the Classroom
• Teaching Adult Learners
• Issues In Education
• Teaching Resources
• Becoming A Teacher
• Assessments & Tests
• Elementary Education
• Secondary Education
• Special Education
• Homeschooling
• M.Ed., Educational Administration, Northeastern State University
• B.Ed., Elementary Education, Oklahoma State University

A major component of being an effective teacher is making correct classroom discipline decisions. Teachers who cannot manage student discipline in their classroom are limited in their overall effectiveness in almost every other area of teaching. Classroom discipline in that sense may be the most critical component of being an outstanding teacher.

Effective Classroom Discipline Strategies

Effective classroom discipline starts during the first minute of the first day of school. Many students come in looking to see what they can get away with. It is necessary to establish your expectations, procedures, and consequences for dealing with any violation immediately. Within the first few days , these expectations and procedures should be the focal point of discussion. They should be practiced as often as possible.

It is also important to understand that kids will still be kids. At some point, they will test you and push the envelope to see how you are going to handle it. It is essential that each situation is handled on a case by case basis taking into account the nature of the incident, history of the student, and reflecting on how you have handled similar cases in the past.

Gaining a reputation as a strict teacher is a beneficial thing, especially if you are also known as fair. It is far better to be strict than to be known as a push over because you are trying to get your students to like you. Ultimately your students will respect you more if your classroom is structured and every student is held accountable for their actions.

Students will also respect you more if you handle the majority of the discipline decisions yourself rather than passing them on to the principal . Most issues that occur in the classroom are minor in nature and can and should be dealt with by the teacher. However, there are many teachers that send every student straight to the office. This will ultimately undermine their authority and students will see them as weak creating more issues. There are definite cases that merit an office referral , but most can be dealt with by the teacher.

The following is a sample blueprint of how five common issues could be handled. It is only intended to serve as a guide and to provoke thought and discussion. Each of the following problems is typical to what any teacher may see occur in their classroom. The scenarios given are pos- investigation, giving you what was proved to have actually happened.

Disciplinary Issues and Recommendations

Excessive Talking

Introduction: Excessive talking can become a serious issue in any classroom if it is not handled immediately. It is contagious by nature. Two students engaging in a conversation during class can quickly turn into a loud and disruptive whole classroom affair. There are times that talking is needed and acceptable, but students must be taught the difference between classroom discussion and engaging in conversation about what they are going to be doing on the weekend.

Scenario: Two 7th grade girls have been engaged in constant chatter throughout the morning. The teacher has given two warnings to quit, but it has continued. Several students are now complaining about being disrupted by their talking. One of these students has had this issue on several other occasions while the other hasn’t been in trouble for anything.

Consequences: The first thing is to separate the two students. Isolate the student, who has had similar issues, from the other students by moving her next to your desk. Give both of them several days of detention. Contact both parents explaining the situation. Finally, create a plan and share it with the girls and their parents detailing how this issue will be dealt with if it continues in the future.

Introduction: Cheating is something that is nearly impossible to stop especially for work that is done outside of class. However, when you do catch students cheating, you should use them to set an example that you hope will deter other students from engaging in the same practice. Students should be taught that cheating will not help them even if they get away with it.

Scenario: A high school Biology I teacher is giving a test and catches two students using answers they had written on their hands.

Consequences: The teacher should take their tests up immediately and give them both zeros. The teacher could also give them several days of detention or be creative by giving them an assignment such as writing a paper explaining why students shouldn’t cheat. The teacher should also contact both students’ parents explaining the situation to them.

Failure to Bring Appropriate Materials

Introduction: When students fail to bring materials to class such as pencils, paper, and books it becomes annoying and ultimately takes up valuable class time. Most students who continuously forget to bring their materials to class have an organization problem.

Scenario: An 8th-grade boy routinely comes to math class without his book or some other required material. This typically happens 2-3 times per week. The teacher has given the student detention on multiple occasions, but it has not been effective in correcting the behavior.

Consequences: This student likely has a problem with organization. The teacher should set up a parent meeting and include the student. During the meeting create a plan to help the student with organization at school. In the plan include strategies such as daily locker checks and assigning a responsible student to assist the student in getting the needed materials to each class. Give the student and parent suggestions and strategies to work on organization at home.

Refusal to Complete Work

Introduction: This is an issue that can swell from something minor to something major very quickly. This isn’t a problem that should ever be ignored. Concepts are taught sequentially, so even missing one assignment, could lead to gaps down the road.

Scenario: A 3rd-grade student hasn’t completed two reading assignments in a row. When asked why, he says that he didn’t have time to do them even though most other students finished the assignments during class.

Consequences: No student should be allowed to take a zero. It is essential that the student be required to complete the assignment even if only partial credit is given. This will keep the student from missing a key concept. The student could be required to stay after school for extra tutoring to make up the assignments. The parent should be contacted, and a specific plan should be designed to discourage this issue from becoming a habit.

Conflict Between Students

Introduction: There will likely always be petty conflicts between students for various reasons. It doesn’t take long for a pretty conflict to turn into an all out fight. That is why it is necessary to get to the root of the conflict and put a stop to it immediately.

Scenario: Two 5th grade boys come back from lunch upset at each other. The conflict hasn’t become physical, but the two have exchanged words without cursing. After some investigation, the teacher determines that the boys are arguing because they both have a crush on the same girl.

Consequences: The teacher should start by reiterating the fighting policy to both boys. Asking the principal to take a few minutes to speak with both boys about the situation can also help deter further issues. Typically a situation like this will diffuse itself if both parties are reminded of the consequences if it progresses any further.

• 7 Ways to Take Control of Your Classroom to Reduce Student Misbehavior
• Discipline in Schools
• Classroom Strategies for Improving Behavior Management
• Helpful Classroom Management Strategies Every Teacher Should Try
• Strategies to Handle a Disruptive Student
• Dealing With Discipline Problems in the Classroom
• The Ultimate Teacher's Guide to Discipline Referrals
• Making Discipline Decisions for Principals
• Tardy Policies for Students
• Choice Motivates Students When Rewards and Punishment Don't Work
• Dealing With Tardiness
• 4 Principles of Classroom Management and Social Emotional Learning
• What Teachers Can Do About Misbehavior in the Classroom
• How to Deal With Late Work and Makeup Work
• Appropriate Consequences for Student Misbehavior
• Dealing With Confrontational Students

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8 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Discipline Skills Strategies By Amy Morin, LCSW

8 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Discipline Skills Strategies to help kids become more responsible By Amy Morin, LCSW (Culled From https://www.verywellfamily.com/teach-kids-self-discipline-skills-1095034)

The ultimate goal of discipline should be for your child to learn self-discipline. After all, you want your child to make good choices when you’re not in the room.When kids have self-discipline, they’re able to delay gratification, resist unhealthy temptations,and work hard even when they don’t feel like doing it. Whether that means turning off the electronics so they can get their homework done or it means resisting an extra cookie when Mom isn’t looking, self-discipline is the key to helping kids become responsible adults.

1 Provide Structure Create a similar schedule every day. Kids need a morning routine that includes when to eat breakfast, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get dressed. Create an after-school routine that teaches your child how to divide his time between chores, homework, and fun activities. It’s also important to have a bedtime routine that teaches the importance of settling down and getting plenty of rest.Keep your child’s routines simple. And with practice, he should be learning to implement each step of his routine on his own.

2 Explain the Reason Behind Your Rules When it comes to helping kids learn how to make healthy choices, an authoritative approach helps kids understand reasons for the rules.Instead of saying, “Do your homework as soon as you get home from school,” explain the underlying reason for the rule. Say, “It’s a good choice to do your homework first and then have free time later, as a reward for getting your work done.” This helps them to understand the underlying reasons for your rules. Instead of saying, “My mom said I have to do this,” a child will understand the potential consequences of his choices. Of course, you don’t want to launch lengthy explanations or lectures that will bore your child. But a quick explanation about why you think certain choices are important can help your child understand choices better.

3 Implement Appropriate Consequences Sometimes, natural consequences can teach some of life’s greatest lessons. A child who constantly forgets his homework at home won’t learn to pack his belongings if his mother delivers his homework to the school each time he forgets. Instead, he may need to face the consequence from his teacher before he learns.At other times, kids need logical consequences. A child who plays too rough with his mother’s computer may need to lose the privilege of playing games on it. Or a child who has trouble getting up in the morning may need an earlier bedtime that night. It’s important to avoid power struggles. Trying to force your child to do something won’t teach self-discipline. Instead, explain what the negative consequences will be if he makes a poor choice. Then, give him the choice. Say, “If you don’t pick up your toys right now, you’ll need to go to time-out.” Follow through with a consequence if he doesn’t pick up, but don’t yell or try to force him into compliance. Keep in mind that he needs to learn how to make healthy decisions on his own, by examining the potential consequences of his behavior.

4 Shape Behavior One Step at a Time Self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine. Use age-appropriate discipline strategies to shape behavior one step at a time.Instead of expecting a 6-year-old to suddenly be able to do his entire morning routine without any reminders, use a picture chart on the wall that depicts someone combing her hair, brushing her teeth, and getting dressed. You can even take pictures of your child doing these activities and create your own chart. When necessary, provide reminders to your child to look at the chart until he is able to look at the chart and do each task on his own. Eventually, he’ll need less reminders and won’t require the chart as his self-discipline improves. Any time your child is learning a new skill or gaining more independence, help him do so one small step at a time.

5 Praise Good Behavior Provide positive attention and praise whenever your child demonstrates self-discipline. If your child usually hits when he’s angry, but you discover him using his words, say, “Great job working it out with your brother with your words!” Sometimes good behavior goes unnoticed, and giving kids praise for making good choices increases the likelihood that they’ll repeat that behavior. Provide praise when kids do things without requiring reminders. Say, “Great job sitting down to do your homework before I even told you to!” or “I’m so proud that you chose to clean your room today all on your own.” Even saying, “Great job putting your dish in the sink when you were done eating,” can encourage a repeat performance.

7 Model Self-Discipline Kids learn best by watching adults. If your child sees you procrastinating or choosing to watch TV instead of doing the dishes, he’ll pick up on your habits. Make it a priority to model self-discipline. Pay attention to areas where you might struggle with discipline. Perhaps you spend too much money, eat too much, or lose your temper when you’re angry. Work on those areas and make it clear to your child that you seek to do better.

8 Offer Incentives A reward system can target specific behavior problems. A preschooler who struggles to stay in his own bed at night may benefit from a sticker chart to motivate him. An older child who struggles to do his homework on time and get his chores done may benefit from a token economy system. Reward systems should be short-term. Phase them out as your child begins to gain selfdiscipline. Keep in mind that there are plenty of rewards that don’t cost money. Use extra privileges, like electronics time, to motivate your child to become more responsible.

Sources Morin A. . New York, NY: HarperCollins; 2017. 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Dont Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success Zimmerman BJ, Kitsantas A. Comparing students’ self-discipline and self-regulation measures and their prediction of academic achievement. Contemporary Educational Psychology. 2014;39(2):145-155.

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